If I ' m paying a cool $ 10 mil I expect to be able to suck at least 100 . <| sep |> What the hell was that cum at the end how does it work wtf <| sep |> I am getting therapy for my PTSD , although it has only gotten worse . I jump at everything and am constantly living in fear of feeling like he is watching us . I am constantly looking over my shoulder , checking our doors all the time to make sure they are always locked . I am on a antidepressant and anxiety medication . I think it will just take time and of course getting out of his house and moving into our own home so he doesn ' t know where we are . It is hard since I lost my really good job a couple weeks ago . My friends have been helping me . My family lives a ways away , but they do reach out . A lot of people don ' t understand DV and BPD . They tend to think I am feeling sorry for myself or was stupid for even marrying him . I do know I made a poor choice , but I had no idea he would try to murder me .