For low self esteem , I might suggest you have away from things that are causing the I ' m a failure statements a talk about things that the child is good at , that they ' ve accomplished . Talk about how hard they worked at it . Talk about how practice makes better my personal modification of practice makes perfect because no one and nothing ' s perfect . And once that ' s firmly established in a positive way , when the I ' m a failure pops out again , reference back to the things that the child CAN and HAS accomplished and all the hard work that got there . Remind them that it takes hard work to get better , in anything . Did this with a 9 yo who struggled with reading and math , but excelled in sports , and saw him turn a D into a B in his math studies . For reducing yelling and fighting , I suggest you create a habitat of quiet . If they raise their voice , don ' t respond to it . Either pretend you can ' t hear like you might for a toddler who ' s just discovered whining or respond only in a calm voice . It ' s hard , you will WANT to respond with a similar volume , but don ' t , just keep talking in a calm normal voice . I like to remind my kiddos that there ' s no need to yell because either I ' m right there , or the situation doesn ' t call for it , we can talk in normal voices and be heard just as well . For fighting , give them choices or give them time . When we ' re on a timelimit , I offer the choice do you want me to help you get your gear on or do you want to do it by yourself ? it ' s not an option , it must be done . Again , calm voice constantly . If we ' ve got time , I give them time . My 7 yo wants 5 minutes after we get home to refocus before putting all his stuff away , so I give it to him usually closer to 1015 mins and once his time is up , I gently remind him and ask him to do his chores and magically they get done , no fighting , no yelling . When the school year first started and I tried getting him to do it right away , there was lots of fighting over it .