sucks to hear this type of shit . i was in the exact same situation before I was out of high school , obsessively searching my stash spots in my room washing old needles and cotton for a rinse shot when I was banging . this was before I began having heavy with drawal symptoms , once it got to that point it was just endless hours of cold sweats and fever miserable in bed , unable to eat , sleep or even move . opiate addiction is complete hell , I hope you can find the courage to quit . i wasnt able to until i got stopped by the cops excessively ultimately getting my car seized . luckily i was still a minor and my parents helped me get treatment and were willing to let me choose the program of my choice which was methadone . methadone is a tricky substance for maintenance and more so actual recovery to opiate free life . it is the most abuseable of the maintenance drug but i found it to be much more pleasant then the side effects i would suffer from suboxone . alot of people at my clinic were there for 5 years plus with no signs of ever getting off , clinics will freely raise your dose at your request if you report having withdrawal symptoms . so many patients being drug addicts will get there dose extremely high not realizing they are likely permanently dooming themselves to be at a methadone clinic until they die . i hope you can quit while your ahead man it will do absolutely nothing for you in the end .