Communication is HUGE in a relationship . Like so many problems can easily be resolved just by friggin talking to each other like grown adults . Not screaming at each other , not being mean to each other , just having a calm , open dialogue about shit . <| sep |> The you went and LEFT ME ! ! anger is actually a fairly common response to a loved one ' s death you aren ' t at all weird for feeling that . Given the particular history you have with her leaving you behind with your mother it ' s entirely reasonable that you would have that original anger compounded by the historic anger . Both are completely normal responses that sense of abandonment is real and valid . There are ways you can help yourself work through it . You don ' t have to confront the person your mother or grandmother necessarily the healing value is in expressing what you need to say , not that they hear it . So with that in mind , writing is very cathartic . Writing a journal can be helpful because you can write out your thoughts each day and get whatever you need to on a daily basis . Over time , you can look back through it and review your progress and gain some perspective on things that you previously thought or believed . Another option is to write a letter to the person you need to express your hurt and anger toward . This letter is not meant to be posted unless you want to , of course the point of it is to crystallize your thoughts and get them out in the open . Obviously you can ' t send your letter to your grandmother but again , the value is in the expressing part , not the being read part . Write as many letters , with as many pages as you need . Write them over and over and let your words flow . Let the thoughts well to the surface , unhindered they are your feelings and so are valid . Let them come until , one day , there ' s nothing else . You will know when that is . You just will . And that ' s the day , you fold those pages and put them aside . Keep them as long as you feel you need to then have a ceremonial letting go one cool , starry night , burn them page by page or one sunny , lazy afternoon , make each page into a paper boat and float them away down a stream whatever seems best to you . It will take time and selfcare to do it . But it will help heal you . You ' re already on the path