I ' m so , so sorry that you ' re struggling so hard . As a total extrovert , my miscarriage was the hardest , most isolating thing I have ever experienced . I can ' t possibly imagine how awful this is for you . If your therapist isn ' t being helpful , then maybe it ' s time to find one who will be . All I can say is that THIS . IS . NOT . YOUR . FAULT . Period . Full stop . I grew up in an AA household , and there ' s a saying Fuck guilt . Guilt and shame only serve to keep you away from your goals . Your goal right now is to get healthy for you and your family . GuiltShame is a stone that needs rolled away so you can achieve that goal . It ' s not an easy stone to roll , but it ' s worth it . If it ' s any consolation , my MC was in May , after 6 months of fertility treatments to even get me that far . My EDD was supposed to be this Dec . 31 st and there ' s almost no chance of a pregnancy before that date . My heart aches , but I no longer feel like I want to eat a bullet . It ' s become a bit easier over time . I hope you also find it easier to cope over time . If you can ' t get out of your holiday plans , then now would be a good time to ask your partner to run intervention on your behalf . A quick don ' t fucking consider talking about pregnancy or a miscarriage this week can go a long way with folks . Another big hug for you . I hope it all works out .