Please understand Red will continue to abuse you without serious help . He may love you , you may love him , but he ' s already shown to have the capacity for violence toward you . If you honestly think it will be easy to stay with Red and work through his abusive issues , I promise you that is not the case . Those violent tendencies come from deep within , and some are never able to overcome them . It sounds as if you ' ve found a better match with Blue . You need to respect yourself , find your strength , and actually leave the abuser . <| sep |> I completely understand what you mean on not being quite sure you aren ' t the bad guy . Every time I would go to back out because he didn ' t seem to want to actually date me , he would freak out and say I wasn ' t giving him enough time , that it was nearly done and if I ' d only given him a few more days he ' d be ready . But then I peaceably waited 3 months up to a few days ago and he still was nearly there but not quite . So I gave up . I know he thinks I ' m the bad guy for quitting on us . I know my situation isn ' t exactly comparable , but if you genuinely think you tried your best , in my experience , you aren ' t the bad guy . You did what you could to help her . It doesn ' t necessarily have to mean she ' s the bad guy , either especially if she was having emotional problems but that doesn ' t mean you should fault yourself when you did everything you could . Don ' t blame yourself . It is not your failing when sometimes you do your best and it still doesn ' t work out . Assuming you ' re in the US , hope you have a happy Thanksgiving , man . Wading through NC and heartbreak on holidays when you care as much as you clearly do for her sucks .