Haven ' t seen Trump on here in a long while <| sep |> It seems to me that you think a lot , which is not a bad thing . However , even though you did not mention it , I am nearly certain that you either browse the internet a lot or watch movies and Tv ' s a lot . You sound pretty intelligent , but your thoughts are simply very unclear and rather illdefined . Take for example how you wrotenot suffering from any immediate physical or mental illness , That is some rather odd wording right there . I know that you probably didn ' t choose those words on purpose , but why not just write that you physically and emotionally or mentally healthy ? A lack of clarity in language implies a lack of clarity in mind . I suspect that you have been viewing or listening to too much unhelpful online or entertainment material , therefore I suggest that you consider the quality of whatever it is that you are viewing or watching . It seems to me that you really enjoy excitement , and not necessarily happiness . If you enjoyed happiness , then you would be happy right now , because it seems to me that you have the resources to do so . I don ' t mean to be too critical , but considering having an orgy and dying from a cocaine overdose is not part of an existential dilemma , it is part of wanting excitement . I know that you were probably exaggerating , but I really think that you may have been exaggerating less than you realize . You did mention suicide a few times , the overdosing part doesn ' t seem that farfetched , and you clearly specified that your job isn ' t all that exciting , so it really seems like you want some excitement . I think that what you need to do right now is to think more clearly about where you are and what you are doing . Glamorizing suicidal thoughts as part of an existential crisis is really not going to do you much good . You seem to be quite intelligent , but your emotions seem to need realignment . Simply realign them with what is better step by step . To be honest , at this moment I care about you giving a shit about your immediate pleasures because I am trying to give you the best advice that I can to help you . And I am sure that your parents do too . However , to be honest , no one else does . If you have friends , I doubt that they do , because I suspect that you were pulling those allnighters with someone . So you should give a shit about your own life . You should care of and for yourself . I don ' t mean to be harsh , but it seems to me that you like to romanticize reality , you like to make it funny or charming . I know this based on your writing . If you take a moment to sincerely consider how you speak to other people or even to yourself about life and the world , then I am sure that you will realize that you romanticize or glamorize things which are not romantic or glamorous . You try to turn things which should be considered and analyzed serious into jokes . You flirt with the idea of considering what your life would be if you flunked out of college when you should be seriously thinking of how you can stay in college , and do well in college . There is nothing wrong with romanticizing things that are good , or which are at least not bad , people do it all the time . People romanticize and glamorize music , art , food , architecture , and even computers and technology all the time . However , you seem to have romanticized suicidal thoughts as though part of an existential crisis , what dropping out of school would be like , and even just not giving a shit in general . It seems to me that you even wrote this post as though part a novel or an epic about a wanderer or a sort of poetic adventurer . And to be honest , it seems to me like you could be a very successful writer because you seem to have the talent for it . However , actually living out tragic epic is not admirable . With all honesty and sincerity , go have an orgy if you want . Just be smart and wear protection . Have some fun and excitement if that is your idea of it . But let me tell you , there is nothing glamorous about dying from a cocaine overdose in the middle of an orgy . That is just a sad waste of human life . You seem to care about saving for your parents , that immediately puts you eons above such an end . You are better than that . You can always make some kind of gift baskets for people who live in the streets if you want to serve others . Don ' t just speak about it , be about it . Few of them are actually there because of bad choices , many are there because of bad circumstances . Abusive parents , mental illness , physical ailments , personal tragedies , and posttraumatic symptoms from war may have led them there . You do not need to leave you job and move to India or South America to serve people , you can do it wherever you are . If you truly are in an existential crisis , then I suggest finding a person begging for help in street near you , and parking across from them , and just watch . Just watch and try to see how that makes you feel . If you feel empathy and a desire to help , then you have a life purpose to fulfill , to serve people . If you do not care , then you can always keep not giving a shit about anything except the immediate pleasures . When you find a worthwhile cause for action , a real value in yourself , putting the effort into your life may then seem effortless . Edit P . S . I noticed that you used the number 666 in your username , so I assume that you are familiar with either some form of satanism , although I cannot be sure of what kind or form . Anton La Vey urged people to be selfish and to live in excess , to live in desire immediate gratification . As you may now realize , that is not healthy and it leads essentially to emotional depression and very little accomplishment if any at all . Also , I assure you that he was not supportive of serving others . He glamorized greed and excess . I suggest that yo not glamorize people like him . People like him may have a rather admirable intelligence , but they are not admirable people .