Oh yeah . I legit thought she didn ' t want me , sometimes even that she hated me , for my entire childhood . I was very independent and responsible . My older brother was my mother ' s little prince because for 10 years it had been just the two of them . I worshipped the ground he walked on but still felt like I would never be as good as him . So when he kind of went off the rails in his late teens it was a whole other ballgame of mindfuckery , with me feeling like I had to set a good example to the younger siblings so they didn ' t fall apart like older bro did . Then my next brother down was autistic high functioning , so you almost can ' t tell now , but it was really rough when he was a kid , then the next one was just kind of a late bloomer , then the girly girl , then the baby girl . I fell through the cracks because I guess they just didn ' t realise I still needed attention . It became this downward spiral of me being independent , so attention that should have been given to me was channelled to one of my various siblings . So then my attitude , was well fuck you , I don ' t need you anyway and became more independent , which caused them to give me even less attention because they thought I didn ' t need it , and so on and so forth . I don ' t remember a single instance of them taking an interest in my mental or emotional needs , just the basics food , water , shelter . When my older brother died it was even worse . Parents dealing with their own grief , trying to get custody of my nephew because older bro ' s baby mama is a fucking psycho , and taking care of the four younger siblings while they grieved . Nobody took care of me . I was fucking suicidal but beyond taking me to a doctor after our hospice worker told them to , and me taking antidepressants for a month and then stopping because I didn ' t like them , I got nothing .