You shouldn ' t . A single moment of your conscious existence holds more weight than all of the floating balls of gas and empty space combined . Consciousness is the only thing that could truly garner a purpose . Some believe that consciousness is the entire reason this universe came into existence . I mean can it really be a coincidence that the one thing that could matter , life , occurred ? That the laws of physics and the initial conditions of our entire universe make it possible for life to occur ? <| sep |> I am very grateful for what i receive and i work for what i get here . The arrangement was with her daughter and its changed to the family ' s benefit over the last few months . 24 hour nursing care has been removed . the lady eats my food instead of provides it and offers it to her friends too . she makes comments about my cooking or stands over me as im cooking even if im cooking for myself . rarely do i get a chance to do any cooking anyway because of my schoolwork and because she usually says she needs the space . my own diet has become so terrible because i have no time or money or space . i eat the free food at school events between classes and whatever i can at home . i have very little time and space for myself . still i am very grateful and i do all i can for her . i want her to eat well , be healthy and get her wrist healed . i want her to be happy so that she lives her last few years of life well and makes peace with everything . its very important in Buddhism . my own grandmother is the same age as she and in worse health broken shoulder , etc and i wish i could take care of her . the house is old and not renovated . its in a good location , close to my university but most rooms are not very usable and have a lot of old things that she does not want to change or get rid of . the front room with the best light windows are broken so you cannot open them and the room smells a bit like black mold i have a sensitive nose . the living room is dark and she likes to be there to watch tv . upstairs , the bedroom she was in is still her bedroom and a spare room that she keeps for the aide or her daughters . that room is suppppper cold ! in the attic on the 3 rd floor , is my room . before she moved downstairs , it was impossible for me to even take a shower in the same bathroom as her . her stuff underwear in the sink or shower and soaps and toothbrushes etc were everywhere . when i brought it up she invited me to keep my shampoo in the basement . i spend most of my time upstairs in the bedroom , on my bed or the floor working or sleeping . the rest of the room has her stuff in it . All i assumed was that i would get to stay here and do my work and eat the food i bought . What did I do to deserve this type of treatment being told the day of that she doenst want me here while she is not here ? i will go my school ' s law school and see if i can write up a contract . thanks for the tip so i dont end up like this again ! btw , she gave my phone number to the guy who doing some work for her so he could call me and i could let him in while she was away . guess i cant do that now !