Hear you loud and clear . Dealing with that aspect must be hard after what ' s happened to you . I can only offer certain things that have worked for me 1 I create a long term vision of something meaningful . A storyboard of my next months , like a movie , including real images that get me excited and look at it every morning . Then I visualize them in my head , along with how they will make me feel . 2 I expanded my coping mechanisms . I do meditation to help me be more mindful . I go into nature to appreciate what ' s around me . I read books and comics to show me other worlds . I play videogames to focus my attention . I play sports . I meet friends etc . And if I can , I rely on my family . There ' s also I keep a journal to let my thoughts out so they don ' t become toxic . In the past I also hired a guy to simply listen to me , privately and openly . You seem like a strong individual and I ' m sure you ' ll get over this soon by putting one or two things in place , then building on it , gaining momentum of something to get excited in life about . Big support mate !