lime pulsus for cobalt discos ? <| sep |> Five weeks in a youth ward in March 2014 was my first time really experiencing a human environment where people don ' t undermine , deny , and erode your personhood . Too bad I was too far gone to understand that when I was there . Instead I just acted angry and uncooperative to the staff while simultaneously denying that I had any anger and trying to explain how I couldn ' t tell them how my mood is because I could no longer identify anything inside me which was a mood . It was also my first exposure to any music other than the classical I had always been pressured into pretending to like . SHOT THROUGH THE HEART , AND YOU ' RE TO BLAME ! this iiiss our last dance this is ourselves . Under Pressure ! . is it in you now , to watch the things you gave your life to broken . stoop and build them up , with wornout tools YEAHHH ! take all that you have , and turn it into something you would miss if . somebody threw that brick , shattered all your plans BEFORE IT ' S COMING TO AN EENNND . Well how did it happen ? I spent two long years in a strange , strange land . Basically all the stuff from Guitar Hero V , like The Spirit of Radio hard af and The Rock Show fun afThe hospital food was also great . I had been starving myself for around a year by virtue of the fact that I was emotionally still on a very repressed level aware enough of my parents ' abusiveness to want as little to do with them as possible , which symbolically meant rejecting their cooking , but I was too depresso and panick to make enough food myself . Tried to go to the hospital four times too in the last year , three times for mental and once for a burn . Got kicked outturned away pretty immediately each time because it turns out my psychosis is actually just a product of my parents ' gaslighting , but it was still nice to have a bed plus a couple hours of reprieve from having my mind vapourised .