Thank you everyone . I think it is the opposite of what some of you are saying . Although I may not be completely clear headed yet Although I sure feel 100 % different . I feel that I am seeing her again for what she is . I used kratom to hide my anxiety and depression from being in a verbally abusive relationship for so long . Now that my head is clearer and she went above and beyond to screw me over , I AM SEEING THINGS CLEARLY for the first time in a long time . How stupid was I to hide underneath kratom just to hope my marriage would work . I have asked her nearly 100 times for marriage counseling and she only says NO . Hell no . Absolutely not . She came back today and I already pack up my shit and left . She ' s already telling me I can ' t see my kids . They don ' t love me , they don ' t even care I am gone . Wow . I ' m tired of being the ONLY ONE who tries to be rational . I ' m tired of ALWAYS giving her the benefit of the doubt , when I NEVER get the benefit of the doubt . If I screw up you better believe I ' m going to hear about it at least the rest of the day . Doesn ' t matter how many times I apologize . But believe me , if I don ' t accept an apology from her RIGHT AWAY , look out ! ! She steals my children and leaves me on Thanksgiving . Because she fucked up ? ?? Seriously . She ' ll need to come crawling back to me before this ever has a chance because I ' ve been begging her for YEARS to try and fix this .