I was a faster for about a decade combined with exercising for 46 hrs per day 56 days each week and secret exercising in private at home . I ' d had minirelapses over the years , a month here two there but nothing major , and for the most part with the medication I ended up on over the last six years my problem became way too much grazing and a lot of shit meals made without effort . This round ' s been going on since midJulyearly August depending on how you want to mark the flip , and it ' s nothing like my first round with my eating disorder . For starters , I ' m not fasting . I used to struggle to restrict , it was everything or nothing at all , but now restricting is a breeze . I can have commonlytempting food in the house and not be bothered with it I can get into that food unplanned as I did in the middle of the night last night and more often than not regain control of my bingeurging brain before too much damage is done , and I even preplan small quantities of shitfood into every day . I haven ' t returned to the gym yet due to anxiety issues , and I ' m not too bothered by it I ' m okay with my goal being 10 k steps instead of X calories before I can leave the gym right now . I ' m anxious as hell about calories , certain macros , sticking to my limits and how the loss comes off , but I don ' t go on multiday fasts to make up for those days my mother or some event breaks from my plan I adjust around them in small ways . I also feel shame when people comment on my weight loss now instead of getting pleasure from it . So yeah , very different . For the most part in a good , a c tuallymarginallyhealthier way . Yeah I ' m relapsing , no I don ' t want to fix it ever , but I ' m actually preferring this version of my disordered eating over the fasting me of yesteryears .