If this observation gives you a little hope I live and work in the I 95 area of NC in the small towns that are having trouble since the textile mills shut down . I am noticing the kids both black and white under 30 get together as friends . If there is a single jr high and high school they make friends . That is becoming harder in the big cities because the schools tend to keep the races separate . In the big cities the whites have quit moving out of a community if a black family moves in . <| sep |> I couldn ' t take it any more . I sat down with her and explained that I was miserable . I wasn ' t ready to be celibate , I loved her , I wanted her , and needed to understand why she didn ' t want me . There were a lot of issues to work through but having that conversation without anger , without pressure , and without threats or coercion helped a lot . We went from the once every several weeks to once every couple weeks and , now , once a week . It wasn ' t that she didn ' t want me . She just didn ' t want sex until we were in the middle of it . Once we got started , she was fine so she asked me not to feel like I was begging out imposing . She asked me to be more assertive but not insertive , this wasn ' t a domination fantasy . To make it clear that I wanted sex without being grabby or domineering . Even if that meant telling her she should come to bed for a bit . The two weeks wasn ' t a scheduled thing . That ' s about when I would get cranky and she would be ready again . Find something that works for you two . But talk to her . Do not be passive about it and let it fester . Don ' t be domineering . You are miserable because of this so tell her .