Thank you , and I ' m sorry for your losses as well 3 . She was the most amazing person . She was so strong for so long , and I guess she eventually couldn ' t be strong anymore . I was very angry at her at first for abandoning me . Now I just miss her terribly and feel so much guilt . And hate for the people who enabled her despite me begging them not to . I only got 13 perfect years with her , but I can ' t seem to let that go . It ' s been 16 years and I can ' t let her go . I think I might start a journal that is just letters to her . That might help . <| sep |> I was 8 or 9 , staying on an island in a cabin with my dad mom and sister were in a 2 nd cabin when I woke up in the middle of the night to a faint female voice coming from far across the lake crying heeeeeelp ! over and over again . It was so faint and far away , I wasn ' t even sure it was real . And there were no telephones precell phone era or any ways of helping even if it was real . So I just lied in bed awake , freaked out , while my dad slept .