Thanks for the reply . I personally grew up drinking diet soda because my parents wouldn ' t let me drink regular due to it being bad for me haha look how that turned out . LOL anyway . definitely sounds like the plan to follow the CICO which I think will be the hardest part for me ! Sounds good , thanks again for the response . <| sep |> My heart goes out to you . You did not deserve this and you put yourself on the line for someone who did not reciprocate , and ultimately her death , left you with an even bigger wound than normal . Please , there is nothing you can do but move on . Give away everything that you cannot stand looking at . Move if you have to . You survived two major deaths her passing and your relationship . You now have to recover . Please seek some therapy . You are deeply deeply wounded by all of this . Your one takeaway from this , and from my heart You sir , were and are a mensch . You did what you had to and you can hold your head up high . She broke your heart from beyond the grave and that is something that is completely unfair . Please do not dwell on that . You did the right thing , let the higher powers of the universe deal with her .