One thing at a time here , though not necessarily in order I want to transition , but when I think about transition I suddenly get transphobic thoughts which makes me not want to , and question why am I even thinking about transitioning . This is kind of a giant red flag . You should really try to find a way to get to a trans friendly therapist . Internalized transphobia can mess a trans person up pretty bad . I feel like this is going to get better . However , I can just tell if I try and avoid the whole trans topic I will get it again . It ' s good that you ' re seeing the higher level pattern here . It ' s normal to have periods of doubt where it feels like you aren ' t or might not be trans but if those feelings keep recurring it ' s maybe time to consider doing something about it . One minute I will feel really trans , and really want to be a girl . The next minute I don ' t feel trans and it makes me so frustrated . This could be gender fluidity but having doubts or internalized transphobia can also cause this pattern . The biggest concern in the short term is what hormones do you want your body to finish developing on ? If you can ' t definitively answer that question at least get on puberty blockers ASAP .