There was never a time when I didn ' t know which category Bryson fit into . Maybe it ' s just me , but the double negative left me staring at this sentence for a few seconds trying to figure out what it meant . in one o ' them Core brigades , he sat on the examination tableShould be a full stop since it ' s not followed by a dialogue tag . This mistake occurs a lot , actually . your general vicinity . Vicinity doesn ' t really fit in with the character ' s voice although , it ' s a good thing that he has a distinctive voice in the first place . I almost wasn ' t sold on this job till you gave that pitch about the healthcare Ryker offers . I ' m staying here till I get what I ' m due . Okay , up until this point , I thought that Bryson was the only one getting examined , and that the narrator was just watching or something , and that only happened after I stared at this line for a good while . Maybe add something about the doctor examining the narrator ' s pupils as well ? At that moment , the door to the medbay slid open with a satisfying sigh and an attractive , young woman walked in . I feel that this would flow a lot better if you removed the first three words and the comma after attractive . The man gave me a meaningful look and his eyes glazed over as he brought up his overlay . Don ' t meaningful look and eyes glazed over imply the opposite thing ? Most of all , I was beginning to suspect that not only was I a victim of my own outrageous fortune , but that I was , in fact , it ' s cruelest agent . its . Also , this line feels a little tryhardish to be a hook for the next chapter , and it just kinda comes off as utterly meaningless words that sound like they mean something . Overall thoughts ? It was pretty good . The opening with Bryson and the narrator in the medical bay feels pretty disconnected from the main focus of the chapter , which is meeting Ryker , but other than that it ' s structured pretty well , and I found that the exposition came at a pretty natural pace that didn ' t feel forced , which is pretty important for an opening . I liked the narrator as a character , he was pretty charismatic and funny for the most part although the bit where he manipulates Bryson , in his own words , felt mean spirited and out of character and it took me a while to realize they were meant to be friends because of this . Despite all the criticisms , I still enjoyed reading it , and I am somewhat interested in finding out what happens next , so it succeeded .