She pops open the door and I ' m hit with a wave of anxiety , then she says or does something Nlike , and then my anxiety turns into a huge ball of rage and verbal retaliation . When you ' re exposed to extreme stress , you get a big shot of adrenaline as part of the very normal fight or flight response . Practicing restraint doesn ' t remove the extreme stressor , and over time this can play havoc with normal brain chemistry , leading to worse anxiety , depression , andor PTSD . So if you haven ' t seen a doctor , not just a therapist , then maybe it would be a good idea to consult one on the possibility of meds for anxiety . Personally , I found them quite helpful with situations like yours , but YMMV of course . My problem wasn ' t just the initial reaction , but dwelling on it afterward as well . Both of those were greatly reduced once the correct combination was found . One I took daily , the other was as needed if I expected an extremely stressful day or event . They really changed my life for the better . Hope your NMom stays away as well , and that you ' re having a good day too