staleness ironic dankness <| sep |> I want someone but I don ' t pick up hints , like at all . I won ' t ask them because i ' m scared of rejection and what it could mean to the friendship that I already have with the person . Oh and constantly self loathing about my body that i ' m to lazy to do anything about . Yea that about covers it . <| sep |> I agree . I ' ve self dosed 2 a day for the last year . It has helped me more than any of the shit my psyches prescribed me . Shit like Prozac made me feel pissed off . I ' ve been depressed all my life but I ' d rather feel empty inside than lash out at people I care about . MDMA lets me be happy at least . <| sep |> its actually kinda funny because I went to try and code a simple SDL app in C with SDL 2 and was writing out code , with my book next to me , until I realized I never had used SDL 2 before , and all my booksknowledge came from SDL 1 , so basically most of the simple commands I was using had changed pretty drastically and I had no idea . so yes , I will admit , most of my knowledge is dinosaur knowledge , and I have lots of work ahead of me to catch up to the modern era . things are so ridiculously different now , with stuff like C # and others , that probably almost nothing I remember is anything like what it was in the past anymore