I can definitely understand what you are feeling , I feel like I use fatness to hide and not do things that I really wanted to do . I remember someone mention how they told Chris Rock their biggest fear was failure and he told them something along of the lines of why , you are already failing . <| sep |> Ugh same . I find the balance I get sun freedom from not participating in charades , but try to be genuinely polite and expressed my gratitude . Expressing it is also a way of meditating on it , and remembering how many things I can be grateful for ! Beats the depression back pretty well . <| sep |> Thanks ! Yeah , I feel like I would have to sell a part of my soul to do the deselect trick . <| sep |> This is sort of the way with what I call Internet food . It takes a good photo and the ingredients hit all the right buttons well , I love Starbursts and I love Nutella so I must love a Nutellacovered starburst brownie ! , but you don ' t really eat it to enjoy it . You eat it to say you ate it .