Having different needs at different times isn ' t jerking the people you interact with you around , it ' s just human nature . I feel like in every relationship we have to cope with fluctuations in our partners ' s moods , sex drives , needs , and so on . This can be even more the case when our gender fluctuates or dysphoria is an issue . I don ' t become asexual when I am feeling more or less specifically gendered , but I may want my partner Dom to interact with my body in different ways . It may take some time before you and your wife figure out ways to work with how your new discovery will affect your Ds relationship , but if your relationship is as great as you say I am sure that she won ' t mind working together with you on that . I know my partner has no issue if I tell him I don ' t like him interacting with my chest at a certain moment and he is also good about checking in if things seem off in other ways . For me , sexuality and BDSM were a key way that I was able to explore my gender when I was questioning because it gave me a safer , controlled space to explore it in . This just might be a time where you two need step back to an earlier phase and relearn some of your ways of interacting in your particular context . Maybe this will mean lessening sexual demands or putting less rules in general on you when you are feeling more male . That may be sad or lessen the 247 experience for your wife in some ways , but it could also mean exploring your submission and sexuality more deeply when you are feeling more female , and using that as a tool to explore that side of yourself , which can be a very exciting and bonding experience for both of you if she ' s up for it !