Account still not sold <| sep |> I ' m so selfconscious that its debilitating . I don ' t put myself out there relationship wise , I think I ' m a piece of shit person , I ' m boring , I ' m fat , ugly etc . I have no idea how to break out of it or become more confident in myself . I just try to make people laugh and use selfdeprecating humour to offset anyone from calling me names or something . I can ' t even talk to guys or enjoy going out with my friends because , in a perverted , twisted version of vanity , I ' m always afraid that I ' ll look fat , ugly etc , what people think of me , I ' m overly cautious about what I say and it ' s driving me insane . I end up going down spirals where I just don ' t see myself having a good future , and becoming friendless , jobless and without anyone to care about me , or anyone to care about . It ' s a struggle , I think people know I ' m severely selfconsciousinsecure , but only console me by saying I ' m great and whatever , which is a nice safety blanket for like 5 minutes but I end up hating and questioning myself after .