Baen books has a ton of free SciFi . Lots of first books so if you like it maybe you ' ll buy more <| sep |> I ' ve read the whole thing . You dullards have been linking it for a while now . Again , there ' s zero evidence there , it ' s all just conspiracy logic . You cannot and have not shown a single shred of evidence to support your claim . <| sep |> You are an absolute idiot . <| sep |> I understand you ' re feeling wrecked and lost . Seeking a therapist should be your first priority . Some things to think about though , and I apologize if some of these come across as callous at timesFirst , it sounds like your relationship was never meant to be , at least from what you ' ve told me . You ' re young still , and it sounds like you vastly overestimated the connection between you and your former partner . Frequent breakups , selfrecrimination , and begging , are all huge warning signs that this wasn ' t a healthy , stable relationship , and you may have misunderstood the amount of investment that was made . Not a fatal error , but one that ' s common when you don ' t have a lot of experience building longterm relationships with people . It ' s okay to accept that it wasn ' t meant to be . It ' s okay to move on and be happy in your own pursuits . Second , you ' re demonstrating some seriously worrying mental patterns , and I ' m hoping you realize how troubling they are before you do anything that will get you in trouble . She also woke up drunk with a random guy in her bed . She assures me that now she is focusing on herself and that she is happier than she has ever been . But I know that is not true . She has many friends now at college , some guys , some girls . I ' m immensely afraid for her , afraid she will sleep around and get hurt or do something else regrettable . You need to stop this train of thought right now . You are separated from her . Who she wakes up with in her bed is her business , not yours . You ' re immensely afraid for her . Dismissive of her friends . Critical of her lifestyle . Why ? You ' re afraid she will sleep around and get hurt ? Maybe she wants to have some fun . She ' s definitely entitled to , now that she ' s single . The company that she keeps , the risks she takes , and the pain she manages are hers . It sounds like she ' s seeking selfenjoyment , but you say you know her happiness is somehow not true . How ? Do you think she ' s incapable of fulfilling or taking care of herself without you ? Do you realize how ridiculous that sounds ? I don ' t mean that as an insult , but you should , on reading what you wrote , realize how domineering and emotionally abusive it sounds . You need to let her go . And I don ' t mean in the metaphorical sense . You need to let her go live her life , without you looming over , fretting and complaining , about everything she does . Cut yourself off from her , and I ' d wager that will curtail the worrying and the overthinking . If you don ' t know what she ' s up to , you ' ll have no bone to gnaw . This is why people often recommend clean breaks after a breakup . It ' s hard to be okay with a former partner ' s actions when some part of you is still in bonded mode with them . It can arouse feelings of jealousy , inadequacy , anxiety , fear , and anger . But those feelings are yours , and it ' s not her responsibility to respond to them . Third , the selftorture and blame stops when you realize that a relationship ending is not a failure . It ends when you accept everything that ' s happened , and realize it doesn ' t need anything extra . A relationship happened , then ended . There ' s nothing to be gained by agonizing over it or lamenting it . Nor is it healthy to try and resurrect it from the dead by constantly trying to elbow in on your formerpartner . Learn from its passing , and move on . Fourth , your identity is greater than the outcome of a relationship . Or , at least , it should be . It might take some time to get back into your interests , but don ' t give up on yourself . Counselling will help you build up confidence in yourself , and confront your anxiety about being suddenly incomplete . This is a momentary pain , to do with a sudden change in configuration not a permanent state . Remember that .