In this excerpt from his book , Football Clichés , Adam Hurrey translates the bewildering dialect employed by sports journalists . Read it with aplombBy Adam Hurrey for Football Clichés , part of the Guardian Sport NetworkFootball has developed a voracious appetite for stealing , commandeering and recycling phrases from elsewhere for its own ( invariably clumsy ) purposes . The game possesses a surprising number of obsolete words that originated elsewhere but still flourish here . It doesn ’ t require much sticking out of the neck to suggest that most football fans wouldn ’ t use stalwart , profligate , adjudged , diminutive or the verbal form of rifle if those words hadn ’ t been given a new lease of life in their adopted sporting context . Nor would they ever describe something being done with aplomb , while only the engineers among us could identify a real - life slide rule . While breathless broadcasting is responsible for the more questionable and ham - fisted football clichés , the printed word is where the more refined part of the football vernacular has slowly been allowed to mature over generations . Millions of match reports have had to find a variety of ways to describe goals , horror tackles and emphatic victories . However , just as a co - commentator must hurriedly cobble together a coherent sentence , newspaper editors have to work within strict limits on their back pages . Economy of space has promoted the use of certain words that are ubiquitous in tabloid headlines in particular , but which you could never say out loud with a straight face ( unless you ’ re a Sky Sports News presenter ) . Footballers love to be in the headlines , unless it ’ s for all the wrong reasons . In an era when pretty much anything players do , on or off the pitch , is liable to be shoehorned into a red - top or internet headline , the football media has developed a set of space - saving keywords ( mostly of no more than three to five letters ) that account for any incident : AceWhere better to start than with the ace ? Despite its elite connotations , aceness is a conveniently fluid concept in the world of newspaper headlines . Premier League youth - teamers convicted of driving offences or League Two players caught in compromising situations in hotels qualify as aces on the basis of sensationalism alone , to the point where using the word to describe those genuinely at the pinnacle of the game seems woefully insufficient . AxeThe most excruciating wait to be put out of one ’ s misery is when a beleaguered manager ( or boss , for these purposes ) faces the axe . In the interests of pedantry , it should be emphasised that managers are never ultimately hit by the axe , they are simply axed . It can also be used to describe players being dropped from the squad – not only are they axed , but they are also frozen out . It ’ s a cruel world . BidNormally associated with proposed transfer deals , bid can also appear as a synonym for a team ’ s efforts to achieve a season - long goal ( such as the league title ) , but without quite the focused determination of a vow . BlastA vitriolic burst of criticism , with various possible sources or targets – often a poor , defenceless referee . BlowA disappointing event , invariably associated with injuries . The hammer blow , however , is exclusive to title bids . BoostThe polar opposite of a blow . Coy “ Tight - lipped ” managers remain coy when asked about new signings – talking about players at other clubs ( like talking about referees ) is something managers go out of their way to say they don ’ t do while still actually doing it anyway . DentA type of blow , but one that only affects a bid or someone ’ s hopes and rarely terminal ( unlike , say , a hammer blow or a derailing ) . EyeEyeing is the more voyeuristic equivalent of keeping tabs on a player , before mulling over a bid . ExitThe departure from a cup competition . If the circumstances are calamitous enough , clubs can also crash out of a cup , or even be unceremoniously dumped out . Any of which may usher their manager towards the exit door . FacesAfter a controversial incident , but before its punishment is meted out , the accused player or club ( or soon - to - be - axed manager ) will be held in the purgatory of simply facing their fate . Hails Bruce Steve Bruce , in 1985 , holding up a report in which he his hailed . Photograph : Bob Thomas / Getty ImagesVictorious managers feel compelled to hail a collective or individual performance , or the vocal support of the ( no doubt magnificent ) fans . HeldForm - book defying stalemates usually involve a frustrated side being held . Sufficiently vague for use with any type of draw , regardless of who scored first or if it was a 0 - 0 stalemate . HitAfter facing an FA probe and taking the subsequent rap , the miscreant can then be hit with a fine ( or , indeed , slapped with a ban ) . Also used as shorthand for impressive goalscoring feats ( ‘ Ronaldo hits four in Real rout ’) or specifically sized capitulations ( ‘ Droylsden hit for six ’). JibeThe traditionally sneaky opening move in a bout of mind games , which can escalate to a war of words . JoyExploiting its diminutive stature to the full , joy is the weapon of choice to describe a manager ’ s / player ’ s happiness . ProbeThe expected preliminary investigations of the FA ( or , in more extreme cases , the police ) which are invariably faced before they are launched . RaidThe act of managers returning to recent former employers to cherry - pick their favourite players , ideally in one single deal . Suggests a certain cynicism from the bidding club , and a level of helplessness on the part of the seller . RapA cult favourite , this diminutive word is far catchier than ‘ disciplinary proceedings ’. An FA probe inevitably leads to an FA rap , two headline - friendly terms that cannot help but conjure up images rather different to their intended meaning . Such disciplinary proceedings attempt to bring closure to an ongoing row of some sort , be it a mere war of words or a full - blown , I ’ d - rather - be - punched - in - the - face spit - spat . Even the most serious issues such as race rows are effectively trivialised for the purposes of alliteration . SealThe rubber - stamping of a transfer deal ( protracted or otherwise ) or the relatively untroubled progression of a club to the next round of a cup competition . Set forSimilar to facing something , but without the ominous threat , clubs tend to be set for cup draws , while players patiently find themselves set for a move elsewhere . SorryThe equivalent of beleaguered for clubs who have capitulated and been very heavily defeated . StunLate or unexpected winning goals have the tendency to stun , particularly if Goliath ever faces a tricky trip to face David in the FA Cup . SwitchA swiftly completed move , unfettered by any prolonged haggling or red tape . SwoopSimilar to a raid , if rather less exciting and more smoothly completed , it again refers to a bigger club signing a player from a smaller club . These can often be bulk purchases , neatly described as double or triple swoops . VowNobody in football promises to do anything , they always vow – silencing the boo - boys is a common vow , as is a player ’ s repaying of a manager ’ s faith . Emphatic scorelines also lend themselves to catchy headlines involving vaguely familiar phrases of unclear origin . The fun begins at around the four - goal mark , with a handy hotel - rating analogy : Four goals = FOUR - STAR Five goals = FIVE - STARSix goals = JOY OF SIX / HIT FOR SIX / SIX OF THE BESTSeven goals = SEVENTH HEAVEN / SEVEN - UPEight goals = ( no cliché allocated , although GR - 8 is making a spirited , if clumsy , attempt to establish itself in recent seasons ) Nine goals = CLOUD NINENaturally , we all want to know who the protagonists are in the latest football pantomime , so desperate red - top headline writers can be seen to resort to painful , puzzling abbreviations such as MOU , WENG or the punned - to - within - an - inch - of - its - life ROO . You won ’ t have to look too hard in tomorrow ’ s papers to find these three - and four - letter codewords and , once you ’ ve started spotting them , the more ridiculous they will start to look . Unless the FA ’ s disciplinary panel really are spitting sick rhymes from an orbiting space module . Elsewhere , football ’ s surprisingly subtle relationship with grammar bears curious fruit . While the animal world enjoys an innumerable complement of collective nouns , ranging from the wonderfully alliterative to the impenetrably obscure , you may not be surprised to learn that football has quite a few of its own . For reasons of sensationalism , laziness , inaccuracy or simply diversity , football coverage has demanded that a selection of collective nouns be made available , to be drawn from whenever appropriate . The list covers all aspects of the game and leaves us in no doubt ( despite the lack of cold , hard numbers ) of how one should pluralise the subjects in question : Raft of substitutionsThe sole domain of largely meaningless international friendlies , where the second half becomes fragmented by the experimentation of both coaches as they seek to give debuts to their one - cap wonders . Such games have a tendency to peter out until someone finally , inevitably , asks : “ What have we learned ? ” Host of opportunitiesHosts tend to be fairly undesirable collections of missed opportunities or absentees from the first team . String of chancesChances may arrive in strings , as can a goalkeeper ’ s saves or a player ’ s impressive performances . Deviating slightly from the grammatical theme , teams will also aim to string some wins together or , at the very least , two or three passes . BraceA pair of goals for a player in one game , although simply the word brace alone is now sufficient , as nothing else football - related arrives in that form . Braces can be quickfire in nature , but leave the goalscorer vulnerable to be substituted before he can complete his hat - trick . Flurry of yellow cardsCard - happy referees can sometimes end a barren first half - hour or so by unleashing a flurry of yellow cards in quick succession . They will seek to justify this sudden outburst of disciplinarianism by pointing out various areas of the pitch to bemused perpetrators of persistent fouling . Hatful of chancesA more flamboyant exaggeration , used to ridicule the striker that has missed these chances , some of which may have been gilt - edged . This represents one of the more imprecise units of measurement in football , as there seems to be no official confirmation of the volume of an average hat . Confusingly , though , while the misfiring hitman can fill a hat with squandered opportunities , he can also successfully score a hatful . Or , indeed , fill his boots . Run of victoriesSimilar to a string of wins , but tends to be more smoothly and less desperately put together and , therefore , more suited to a march towards the title rather than a Great Escape from relegation . Array of talentMost commonly found at major tournaments or on expensively assembled substitute benches , but can also arrive on a club ’ s youthful conveyor belt . The elite clubs , however , often boast a galaxy of stars . Mass of bodiesGenerally located somewhere in the midst of an almighty penalty - area scramble , a mass of bodies can be the reason for a statuesque goalkeeper being unsighted as a strike from all of 30 yards flies through a forest of legs and into the net . Elsewhere on the pitch , high - pressing teams coordinate their considerable efforts to form a swarm of [ insert colour here ] shirts to win back precious possession . Embarrassment of richesTo further emphasise the options a manager has at his disposal , the international caps and transfer fees of his substitutes are gleefully totted up to illustrate his embarrassment of riches , often ( rather aptly ) while they are being humbled by a side who were assembled for the price of a four - bedroom house . Glut of goalsA goal glut can occur in a specific competition , particularly a weekend of league fixtures in a single division . We will be excitedly told how many goals flew in during the 10 or so matches , leaving us to do the maths ourselves to decide if that is actually impressive or not . Catalogue of errorsThe helpful football media dutifully compile these to shame hapless individual players at a later date . Alternatively , unfortunate players may wish to browse their catalogue of injuries after they ’ ve been forced to hang up their boots . It ’ s not just disappointments that are figuratively documented , though – scorers of great goals invariably have a scrapbook to keep them in . Series of high - profile gaffesA more focused and specific offshoot of the catalogue of errors , a series of high - profile gaffes tends to be more easily attributed to goalkeepers . The series of high - profile gaffes becomes so because Sky Sports News insist on endlessly looping footage of its contents . Football Clichés by Adam Hurrey is now available in paperback