I ' ve been seeing a psychotherapist for a couple of months , she ' s pushing me to get on medication , which would be a lot fucking easier if I could get a fucking doctor appointment ! But that ' s another rant . Sorry . The being scared of change is right , I ' ve been depressed on and off since I was a kid , so it ' s like it ' s all I ' ve ever known , and I don ' t really like who I am without it . I tried a drug last year that really worked and it felt weird and uncomfortable . I ' d have kept going , though , it just also came with horrific insomnia and the doctor said trying a different drug was a better idea than adding sleeping pills , since they can become addictive . I ' m glad to hear you ' re doing well , and thank you so much for the ramble , it did help to read