Dude , you should write a book . Your mindset is so inspiring that I ' d maybe even consider actually buying said book instead of pirating it . I guess I just don ' t see it as something I am working on ? I feel so bad about myself all the time , and especially when the scale doesn ' t move for a couple of days . I get all these paranoid thoughts what if I ' m not tracking correctly I am , what if my body is so fucked up from everything I did to it that now it can only lose weight if I more or less literally don ' t eat physically impossible , what if I ' m lowering my criteria and losing focus and letting myself stagnate in this awful body once again . I ' ve been failing at this for almost a decade , and I ' ve proven that I ' m weak and an addict over and over again . I don ' t trust myself even though I have all the factual data now . I ' m letting myself focus on weight loss instead of just writing it off as a superficial issue that takes away focus from more important things my drug addiction , my career ambitions , my social life , so I ' m also trying to figure out all food related shit and there ' s just so much of it I don ' t even know where to start . Yeah , I drifted away from the original issue a bit but not from the title , sorry . I actually never had an honest conversation about my weight and food problems , ever . I went to a psychiatrist for years and never opened up about it . I participated in weight loss forums and just lied about everything in my every post . I am more ashamed of all this crap than of my former drug addiction .