Give in to the candy makers . <| sep |> she has no way of knowing any of the good I ' ve been doingWhy not ? Haven ' t you told her ? I used to be a raging drunk . Gave it up in April of this year , haven ' t been drunk since . My drinking and the behavior I showed while drinking has left huge wounds in my marriage , and there were huge gaps in trust . It was very difficult convincing her I had changed . It probably helped that she didn ' t catch me doing cocaine after I had claimed to get clean . WTF man cocaine is bad mmkay ? It sounds like she still loves you but is disappointed and fed up with seeing what you ' ve been doing with your life she ' s getting to the point where she is preparing to wash her hands of you for her own self preservation . If you want to keep her , you ' re going to have to really turn things around . My advice is to ask her to go to marriage counseling with you . There are things that she needs to see from you , and there is support that you will need from her , and you guys need a third party to help you work that out . Not all marriage counselors are created equal . Good luck in your search . If you are not already in substance abuse support groups , GO . People do not just suddenly get found out snorting cocaine there is probably more to your story with controlled substances , but regardless , your marriage is literally hinging on you getting that part of your life together . Ask the group organizer if it is okay to bring spouses , and if not , how best to relay your progress to your spouse . But the biggest thing you need to show her is that your relationship really is the most important thing . When I stopped drinking , it wasn ' t enough that I wasn ' t being actively nasty any more . There were decades of burnt bridges in our relationship that I had to put a lot of blood , sweat and tears into fixing . Lots of missed work to remind her how supportive I could be , going places i hated , tolerating things i would rather avoid . My wife had to see the effort from me , not just hear about how hard I was trying . Faith without works is dead , says the good book so if you really have changed , and you really are ready to put your relationship first and move beyond your addictions , then find a way to show her that . Find a way every day . She will still have to see with her own eyes and accept that you have changed , but that is on her , not you . And even if she doesn ' t accept it , and it ' s over , then at least you will have mastered your demons in the process . That ' s the one final , parting shot here if you are going to do all this improvement to yourself , do it for yourself , don ' t do it for her . That just makes her another substance for you to rely on , though you won ' t realize it at the time . Change yourself for yourself and you will always be who you want to be , regardless of who comes and goes .