I literally sat here all day trying to think up some that I was actually grateful for this year . I ' m trying so hard to be thankful but it ' s just been so hard to muster up any real gratitude for anything . It ' s been the worst year ever and it ' s not getting better . I ' m really not feeling very thankful about much right now . I am about this though . All joking aside Seb been a really big inspiration for the last few months . Playing with his face it ' s kept me going sometimes , brought me up at least a little when I was down . His kind words were not meant for me but they have mattered at times . As much as I joke about the catastrophic impact he and Bucky have had on me these last few months I view seeing him and getting to know a little about him , as a real blessing . He ' s a heck of guy , shrug . Sometimes I forget there are genuinely decent people in this world . He reminded me there are some . This face of his , this face that so delights my libido and my arty side ? Sometimes it admittedly also makes me so sad I could cry . It ' s just too much sometimes . It almost hurts to look at his face . All my life I have had this thing for faces . It ' s why I ended up doing photography . This one it just it ' s taken me on such a journey , one I never really expected to take . It ' s been very bittersweet . I ' m rather too exhausted with life to manage to feel much most of the time . Sometimes I feel like a walking zombie rather than a person anymore . But not when I look at him . I feel alive when I look at this face . What ' s left of the life in me flickers , just for a few moments , but it does . Whether or not that is a good thing I dunno . I ' ve given up trying to figure out why this particular face has moved me so much . I mean why now ? It is what it is this THING I have for this man ' s face . If there was one bright spot for me in the last six months it was discovering this face . Silly ? Yeah , and of course I know that and laugh at myself for even saying it , but I ' m still not into denying it . Happy TDay Seb fans . Hope yours was way better than mine . P