Once you go black . <| sep |> Hey , thanks . I think something very important to add is the importance of recognizing your inherent value , and how that is related to psychological healing and growth . We all have immense potential in terms of our ability to experience the world . Gratitude play a huge role in that , and it really is how we become abundant emotionally . I learned that gratitude is a state of Being , a mind frame , it leads to emotional abundance . It inculcates in us the assumption that we ' re being taken care of and this will affect our expectations . One thing about confidence is that it largely pertains to our subconscious expectations about how things play out , which largely stems from out experience with our primary caregivers as children . Low selfesteem is predicated on a negative selfconcept characterized by bottom line thinking where we view the world through a paradigm that interprets everything negatively . ' Good ' things happen to us , we might say it was just luck , or we don ' t deserve it , or it ' s not important , whereas something ' bad ' happens and we say that was expected , we deserve it , and so on . That is called , I think , an avoidant mind set . People who are confident have ' promotion ' mindsets , one is negative the other is positive , one stifles action and fills you with avoidant oriented intentions while the other allows you to be in an unstifled state where you can express yourself freely . That ' s how we become charming and fun to be around , and you should practice that everywhere . Learn how to turn off your brain , your thinking , and just express the goodness within you . But you really have to cultivate abundance within so you can express that . Last night I was at the doctor ' s office , first time there . I noticed the secretary , an attractive young woman with an interesting accent . I just started asking about her accent , she turned out to be Irish . Then I stopped , pointed at her , she ' s just staring at me , and I say Conor McGregor . Her eyes light up and we just talked about that . We all carry a lot of pain and suffering within us . With a negative selfconcept , our sense of self becomes defined by that pain and trauma . As we keep working on ourself we begin to recognize that our selfconcept is not who we are , and you can begin to let go of that . What I learned last night during meditation , which was deeply impactful on me to the point that I was reduced to tears , was that often in order to let go of certain pain we have to let go of who we are . But that person we are letting go is not actually us , it ' s an image defined by expectations that others have dumped on us mostly , fear , etc . that we thought was us . The most interesting thing is the journey of the self and the sorts of experiences you can have . Cherish your personal insights and write them down , everyone absolutely has something amazing to contribute . Recognizing the suffering in yourself allows you to recognize the suffering in others , and this allows you to be compassionate towards them . I ' m just rambling but compassion is very important when it comes to relationships with other people , especially strangers . Too many guys approach women with insecurity and with the subconscious intention to ' dominate ', to be the ' man '. From my experience , but also the experience of so many others who are 100 x more confident than me , those people are just really compassionate and don ' t have any negative intentions . But it ' s hard to be compassionate when you feel like you need , like you ' re deprived abundance leads to compassion . There ' s a good book I ' m reading right now by Thich Nhat Hanh called Fear , and it ' s about using mindfulness to overcome fear and just be present .