I lost a job which triggerd a bit of depression . I worked temp agency which left me so beat I couldn ' t train . I became a care giver for mentally disabled adults , low energy high stress . I was still eating like I was burning 4000 calories a day from training and the labor job . The job was on swingshift , so I couldn ' t make it into MMA or BJJ classes , They were evenings . The caregiving job between being sedentary and highly stressful helped me pack on 40 lbs in about 3 12 months . I was being assaulted or breaking up fights nightly so my comfort was food . Instead of doing the rational and healthy thing of looking for a better job I just moved to graveyards at the same company . I tried to get back the gym , but right around the time I left there was some drama happening and the vibe had changed . Also , the biggest thing was shame . It took me 6 months to get back to the gym and I was 300 lbs . Rather than face it I decided to get into a comfortable rut on graveyard . The last 34 years I ' ve probably been suffering from some sort of low grade depression . Not like crippling bed ridden suicidal stuff , but a serious case of the fuck it ' s . I was 52 as an amatuer and better than a lot of pro ' s you don ' t need any experience to fight professionally , just to get licensed , many never fight as an amatuer . A purple belt in BJJ and a Freestyle and Greco Washington State champion wrestler never placed folk style . I ' ve been off and on back in a buddys gym over the last year , mostly off . I think he realized I needed a reason to be there and asked me to help coach recently so I ' ve been more consistent .