it was a shot in the dark with your name , but if you didn ' t know about Hellsing before it ' s some real good stuff heheh <| sep |> Sounds like maybe you ' re just being nice to the wrong people . This is unfortunately how the chain of creating new broken people works . People have been cruel to you and it makes you think about going that same direction to get through life . I understand the temptation but I hope you don ' t let other peoples darkness extinguish your light . It ' s hard for me to imagine any situation in which a halfway decent person would ever look someone in the eyes and call someone a disgusting mess who should be ashamed . The irony is that whoever said that to you is far guiltier of that than you are . I ' d be ashamed of myself if I could speak to another human being like that . I can relate to your pain . I have gone through stretches of time where people avoid me like that and friendships fall apart when I realize people aren ' t really my friend . Those people don ' t sound worth pursuing as friends so it probably is best to just grieve the loss and hope to make new friends some day . Sorry you are going through a rough time . I wish I could figure out how to express to you how much those people just aren ' t worth the time . There are good and bad people in this world and it ' s clear what side most people are on , and I know it ' s tempting to want to become defensive and mean and go through life the way most other people do . It ' s not an easy battle to remain friendly and positive but it ' s a fight worth fighting .