Smoothing things over to avoid hurting their feelings is what you ' ve been doing your entire life , and it hasn ' t been a worthwhile strategy to diminish the anxiety , anger or depression . In fact , stifling your own truth does just the opposite . The instinct to appease them does go away , but it takes practice and acceptance on your part of how toxic they are . Her I love you and I forgive you . is called lovebombing , an attempt to drag you back into your former habit of appeasing them . It ' s normal to feel anxious and depressed at the realization they ' ll never change or get better , and that separating yourself from them is in your own best interest . It ' s the beginning of a mourning process of sorts , for the parents you wished for but never had . Neither your NMom nor her enablers will ever see your perspective to them , you ' re not even entitled to have one . That lack of empathy is the foundation of all the emotional abuse and invalidation you ' ve endured . I ' d encourage you to light the match , you ' ll thank yourself before long .