oh cmoooon , environmental problems ? ? I cringed so hard <| sep |> I do think these details are still relevant , especially knowing that Jan and Greg coown the house and that the issue bothers Jan as well . But I wonder if this intentional community is distracting both you and us commenters from the real issue , echoing other comments about how healthy this situation is for you specifically . Even in the most emotionally healthy version of this community , I wonder if your upbringing has caused you to rely too much on the people around you for your happiness , based on the strength of your reaction . I was raised by a narc too , and the amazing part of being an adult is being able to choose your own family , so I totally get the attraction . By itself , having a strong support system of friends is healthy for people like us . But , I think it is emotionally risky to be in this community without tackling lingering childhood issues first . If I were you , I might think about working on yourself as an individual first in a more traditional environment therapy really helped me with this , and then decide the healthiest way for you to go about developing your support system . Relative or not , people may leave and let you down , and whether you are justified in feeling let down or not , relying more on yourself for your own happiness will help you deal with the situation better .