TLDR I am 16 years old . I contracted a mental condition called cyclothymia due to psychological and spiritual information deluge . The docs tell me to stop pursuing what I like . It gets me back on track according to them but I feel dead inside . When I relapse and go back to my old ways I am confused , distressed , unproductive , lethargic , depressed but not dead . Not empty , not hollow . Pressure to perform academically also messes with me . So spirituality fs me up . What do I do ? To whom do I listen ? Listen to myself and die in a worldly sense or listen to the docs and die as in , dead from the inside sense . Thank you , Pranav Bhatia <| sep |> fine for me . BTW using gmail . <| sep |> NS had 1 unsuccessful landing , thats it .