I paid for a black and a white one . My gut is telling me they will have sold them when I get there . <| sep |> I really enjoyed watching that . <| sep |> I see that you are self aware . If you are prone to this behavior with most people I think you are acting out of fear . Fear that if you get too close to someone they will just end up leaving you and it ' s so much easier if you cut them off first . It gives you a sense of control . Problem is that you become the monster you fear . I think you should talk to your therapist and take the time you need for self reflection and not date anyone . You are carrying a lot of baggage . Why make the load any heavier ? Don ' t give up . You are young . You can go back to dating when you are more emotionally equipped . You can do this !