I know how you ' re feeling all too well . Please find a good therapist . I did and it ' s been life changing . One critical piece of advice I want to give you though is to challenge your negative thoughts . You said , I know I always let my family down . I know I ' m a disappointment to them , a defect . I know I often think people think stuff like that about me but I ' ve learned to challenge my thoughts . Do I really know that or do I just think that ? I learned that I was my harshest critic and I was projecting my thoughts about myself onto other people . I have so much more I can tell you that has helped me as I ' ve gone through therapy . Please PM me if you want to talk about it more . Anyway , I highly recommend finding a good therapist and spending some time over at rAnxiety . There are a lot of people who you can relate to there .