104 . The one With George StephanopoulosWritten by : Alexa JungeTranscribed by : guineapig [ Scene : Central Perk , everyone is there except Joey . ] Monica : Alright . Phoebe ? Phoebe : Okay , okay . If I were omnipotent for a day , I would want , um , world peace , no more hunger , good things for the rain - forest . .. And bigger boobs ! Ross : Yeah , see . . you took mine . Chandler , what about you ? Chandler : Uh , if I were omnipotent for a day , I ' d . . make myself omnipotent forever . Rachel : See , there ' s always one guy . ( Mocking ) " If I had a wish , I ' d wish for three more wishes . " ( Joey enters . ) All : Hey Joey . Hi . Hey , buddy . Monica : Hey , Joey , what would you do if you were omnipotent ? Joey : Probably kill myself ! Monica : . . Excuse me ? Joey : Hey , if Little Joey ' s dead , then I got no reason to live ! Ross : Joey , uh - OMnipotent . Joey : You are ? Ross , I ' m sorry . . Opening Credits [ Scene : Central Perk , Ross and Monica are watching Phoebe sleep . ] Monica : How does she do that ? Ross : I cannot sleep in a public place . Monica : Would you look at her ? She is so peaceful . Phoebe : ( waking and startling them ) Oh ! What what what ! . .. Hi . Ross : It ' s okay , y ' know , you just nodded off again . Monica : What ' s going on with you ? Phoebe : I got no sleep last night ! Ross : Why ? Phoebe : My grandmother has this new boyfriend , and they ' re both kind of insecure in bed . Oh , and deaf . So they ' re constantly , like , having to reassure each other that they ' re having a good time . You have no idea how loud they are ! Monica : Well , if you want , you can stay with Rachel and me tonight . Phoebe : Thanks . ( Chandler and Joey enter . Joey is counting his steps . ) Joey : . .. Ninety - five , ninety - six , ninety - seven . See , I told you ! Less than a hundred steps from our place to here . Chandler : You got waaaay too much free time . Joey : ( to Ross ) Hey ! Here ' s the birthday boy ! Ross , check it out : hockey tickets , Rangers - Penguins , tonight at the Garden , and we ' re taking you . Chandler : Happy birthday , pal ! Joey : We love you , man . ( Kisses Ross ) Ross : Funny , my birthday was seven months ago . Joey : So ? Ross : So , I ' m guessing you had an extra ticket and couldn ' t decide which one of you got to bring a date ? Chandler : Well , aren ' t we Mr . " The glass is half empty . " Ross : Oh my God , oh - is today the twentieth , October twentieth ? Monica : Oh , I was hoping you wouldn ' t remember . Ross : Ohhh . Joey : What ' s wrong with the twentieth ? Chandler : Eleven days before Halloween . . all the good costumes are gone ? Ross : Today ' s the day Carol and I first . . consummated our physical relationship . ( Joey is puzzled . ) Sex . . . You know what , I - I ' d better pass on the game . I think I ' m just gonna go home and think about my ex - wife and her lesbian lover . Joey : The hell with hockey , let ' s all do that ! Chandler : ( trying to stop Ross leaving ) C ' mon , Ross ! You , me , Joey , ice , guys ' night out , c ' mon , whaddya say , big guy , ( Pretending to punch him in the stomach . ) Huh ? Huh ? Huh ? Ross : What are you doing ? Chandler : ( stops ) I have no idea . Joey : C ' mon , Ross ! Ross : Alright , alright , maybe it ' ll take my mind off it . Do you promise to buy me a big thumb finger ? Chandler : You got it . ( Rachel runs up cluching an envelope . ) Rachel : Look - look - look - look - look , my first pay check ! Look at the window , there ' s my name ! Hi , me ! Phoebe : I remember the day I got my first pay check . There was a cave in in one of the mines , and eight people were killed . Monica : Wow , you worked in a mine ? Phoebe : I worked in a Dairy Queen , why ? Rachel : God , isn ' t this exciting ? I earned this . I wiped tables for it , I steamed milk for it , and it was totally —( opens envelope ) — not worth it . Who ' s FICA ? Why ' s he getting all my money ? I mean , what - Chandler , look at that . Chandler : ( looking ) Oh , this is not that bad . Joey : Oh , you ' re fine , yeah , for a first job . Ross : You can totally , totally live on this . Monica : Yeah , yeah . Ross : Oh , by the way , great service tonight . All : Oh ! Yeah ! ( They all get their wallets out and give generous tips . ) Guys : Hockey ! ( They go to leave but are blocked by three of Rachel ' s friends , Leslie , Kiki , and Joanne . The guys pause to stare at them . ) Hockey ! Hockey . ( The guys . ) Leslie : ( looking around ) Rachel ? Rachel : Oh my God ! ( Rachel , Leslie , Kiki , and Joanne all scream and hug each other . Monica : ( to Phoebe ) I swear I ' ve seen birds do this on Wild Kingdom . Rachel : What are you guys doing here ? Kiki : Well , we were in the city shopping , and your mom said you work here , aaand it ' s true ! Joanne : Look at you in the apron . You look like you ' re in a play . Rachel : ( to a pregnant Leslie ) Look at you , you are so big I can ' t believe it ! Leslie : I know . I know ! I ' m a duplex . Rachel : ( to Joanne ) So what ' s going on with you ? Joanne : Well , guess who my dad ' s making partner in his firm ? ( She points to herself and they all scream again . ) Kiki : And while we ' re on the subject of news . . ( She holds up here finger to show off her engagement ring and they all scream again . ) Phoebe : ( to Monica ) Look , look , I have elbows ! ( They scream . ) [ Scene : A Street , Chandler and Joey are kicking a can to each other . ] Chandler : . .. Poulet passes it up to Leetch ! ( Passes it to Joey . ) Joey : Leetch spots Messier in the crease - there ' s the pass ! ( He kicks it to Ross , but Ross is staring into a shop window . ) Chandler : We ' ll take a brief time out while Messier stops to look at some women ' s shoes . Ross : Carol was wearing boots just like those the night that we - we first - y ' know . Fact , she , uh - she never took ' em off , ' cause we - we - ( off Chandler ' s look ) Sorry . Sorry . ( They walk on . Chandler and Joey start to talk but Ross stops and whines . ) Joey : What ? Ross : Peach pit . Chandler : Yes , Bunny ? Ross : ( points ) Peach pit . That night we , uh - we had - Joey : - Peaches ? Ross : Actually , nectarines , but basically . .. Chandler : ( to Joey ) Could ' ve been a peach . Ross : Then , uh , then we got dressed , and I - I . .. I walked her to the - ( looks up , realises , and points ) - the bus stop . .. I ' m fine . Joey : Hey , that woman ' s got an ass like Carol ' s ! ( They turn to stare at him . ) What ? Thought we were trying to find stuff . [ Scene : Central Perk , Rachel , Lesile , Kiki , and Joanne are talking . ] Rachel : So c ' mon , you guys , tell me all the dirt ! Kiki : Well , the biggest news is still you dumping Barry at the altar ! Joanne : Alright . Let ' s talk reality for a second . Rachel : Okay . Joanne : When are you coming home ? Rachel : What ? Guys , I ' m not . Joanne : C ' mon , this is us . Rachel : I ' m not ! This is what I ' m doing now . I ' ve got this job - Kiki : Waitressing ? Rachel : Okay , I ' m not just waitressing . I ' m . . I , um . .. I write the specials on the specials board , and , uh . .. and I , uh . .. I take the uh dead flowers out of the vase . .. Oh , and , um , sometimes Artelle lets me put the little chocolate blobbies on the cookies . Leslie : Well . Your mom didn ' t tell us about the blobbies . [ Scene : Monica and Rachel ' s , Phoebe and Monica are in pajamas and Monica is making something in the blender as Rachel enters . ] Monica : Hey , Rach . How was it with your friends ? ( She and Phoebe scream . ) Okay ! How would you like some Tiki Death Punch ? ( She pours the contents of the blender into some glasses . ) Rachel : What ' s that ? Monica : Weeeell , it ' s rum , and - Rachel : Okay . ( Grabs the blender and starts to drink . ) Monica : We thought since Phoebe was staying over tonight we ' d have kinda like a slumber party thing . We got some trashy magazines , we got cookie dough , we got Twister . .. ( The phone rings and Monica answers it . ) Phoebe : Ooh ! Ooh ! And I brought Operation ! But , um , I lost the tweezers , so we can ' t operate . But we can prep the guy ! Monica : Uh , Rach , it ' s the Visa card people . Rachel : Oh , God , ask them what they want . Monica : ( on phone ) Could you please tell me what this is in reference to ? ( Listens ) Yes , hold on . ( To Rachel ) Um , they say there ' s been some unusual activity on your account . Rachel : But I haven ' t used my card in weeks ! Monica : That is the unusual activity . Look , they just wanna see if you ' re okay . Rachel : They wanna know if I ' m okay . Okay . . they wanna know if I ' m okay , okay , let ' s see . Well , let ' s see , the FICA guys took all my money , everyone I know is either getting married , or getting promoted , or getting pregnant , and I ' m getting coffee ! And it ' s not even for me ! So if that sounds like I ' m okay , okay , then you can tell them I ' m okay , okay ? Monica : ( pauses then on the phone ) Uh - Rachel has left the building , can you call back ? Rachel : Alright , c ' mon ! ( Miserably ) Let ' s play Twister ! [ Scene : Madison Square Garden , the guys are trying to find their seats . ] Ross : ( squeezing past people ) Sorry , sorry . .. Uh - oh . Chandler : What ? There was ice there that night with Carol ? Plastic seats ? Four thousand angry Pittsburgh fans ? Ross : No , actually I was just saying it looks like we ' re not sitting together . But now you mention it , there was ice there that night . .. It was the first frost . .. Joey : C ' mon , sit . Just sit down , sit . [ Scene : Monica and Rachel ' s , they ' re all hanging out in the living room . ] Monica : You should feel great about yourself ! You ' re doing this amazing independence thing ! Rachel : Monica , what is so amazing ? I gave up , like , everything . And for what ? Phoebe : You are just like Jack . Rachel : . .. Jack from downstairs ? Phoebe : No , Jack and the Beanstalk . Monica : Ah , the other Jack . Phoebe : Yeah , right ! See , he gave up something , but then he got those magic beans . And then he woke up , and there was this , this big plant outside his window , full of possibilities and stuff . . And he lived in a village , and you live in the Village . . Rachel : Okay , but Pheebs , Pheebs , Jack gave up a cow , I gave up an orthodontist . Okay , I - I - I know , I know I didn ' t love him - Phoebe : Oh , see , Jack did love the cow . Rachel : But see , it was a plan . Y ' know , it was clear . It was figured out , and now everything ' s just kinda like . .. Phoebe : Floopy ? Rachel : Yeah . Monica : So what , you ' re not the only one . I mean , half the time we don ' t know where we ' re going . You ' ve just gotta figure at some point it ' s all gonna come together , and it ' s just gonna be . .. un - floopy . Phoebe : Oh , like that ' s a word . Rachel : Okay , but Monica , what if - what if it doesn ' t come together ? Monica : . .. Pheebs ? Phoebe : Oh , well . .. ' cause . ... you just . .. I don ' t like this question . Rachel : Okay , see , see , you guys , what if we don ' t get magic beans ? I mean , what if all we ' ve got are . . beans ? [ Scene : Madison Square Garden , the guys are watching the game . ] Ross : Get him ! GET HIM ! Get him ! Get - YESSS ! Not laughing now , are ya pal ! Chandler : ( to Ross ) See buddy , that ' s all you need , a bunch of toothless guys hitting each other with sticks . Ross : Pass it ! Pass it ! Chandler : He ' s open ! All : Shoot ! Shoot ! Shoot ! ( The player shoots and the puck flies off the rink and hits Ross in the face . Chandler looks concered until he notices . ..) Chandler : Hey , look , we ' re on that TV thing ! ( Chandler and Joey hold the puck and wave at the TV thing . ) Commercial Break [ Scene : An Emergency Room , Chandler and Joey are leading Ross in . ] Chandler : ( to the receptionist ) ' Scuse me . Receptionist : ( holds up her hand — she is on the phone ) It says to call this number if you ' re not completely satisfied with this candy bar . Well , I ' m not completely satisfied . Chandler : Listen , it ' s kind of an emergency . Well , I guess you know that , or we ' d be in the predicament room . ( The receptionist glares at him . ) Receptionist : ( on phone ) Hold on . ( To Chandler ) Fill these out , sit over there . ( Tosses him some forms . ) Ross : ( jumping to his feet ) Look , I don ' t wanna make any trouble , okay , but I ' m in a lot of pain here , alright ? My face is dented . Receptionist : Well , you ' ll have to wait your turn . Joey : Well , how long do you think it ' ll be ? Receptionist : ( sarcastic ) Any minute now . Ross : Hey , this - ( she gives him a look and the guys back off ) Heyy . .. [ Scene : Monica and Rachel ' s , the slumber party continues . ] Rachel : I ' m so sorry , you guys . I didn ' t mean to bring you down . Monica : No , you were right . I don ' t have a plan . ( There ' s a knock on the door . ) Pizza Guy : ( yelling from outside ) Pizza guy ! Rachel : Thank God . Food . ( She goes to answer the door . ) Monica : Phoebe ? Phoebe : What ? Monica : Do you have a plan ? Phoebe : I don ' t even have a ' pl '. Pizza Guy : Hi , one , uh , mushroom , green pepper and onion ? Rachel : ( miserably ) No , no , that ' s not what we ordered . .. We ordered a fat - free crust with extra cheese . Pizza Guy : Wait , you ' re not ' G . Stephanopoulos ? ' Man , my dad ' s gonna kill me ! Monica : ( leaping off of the couch and runs up ) Wait ! Did you say ' G . Stephanopoulos ? ' Pizza Guy : Yeah . This one goes across the street , I must have given him yours . Oh , bonehead , bonehead ! Monica : Wait , was this a - a small mediterranean guy with curiously intelligent good looks ? Pizza Guy : Yeah , that sounds about right . Monica : Was he wearing a stunning blue suit ? Phoebe : And - and a power tie ? Pizza Guy : No , pretty much just a towel . Monica : ( staggered ) Oh God . Pizza Guy : So you guys want me to take this back ? Monica : Are you nuts ? ! We ' ve got George Stephanopoulos ' pizza ! ( Rachel pays him , Monica grabs some binoculars , and runs to the window . ) Rachel : Uh , Pheebs ? Who ' s George Snuffalopagus ? Phoebe : Big Bird ' s friend . Monica : I see pizza ! Phoebe : Oh , I wanna see ! Lemme see ! Lemme see ! ( She runs up and takes the binoculars . ) Rachel : Hello ? Who are we spying on ? Monica : White House adviser ? Clinton ' s campaign guy ? The one with the great hair , sexy smile , really cute butt ? Rachel : Oh , him , the little guy ? Oh , I love him ! Phoebe : Ooh , wait . . wait , I see a woman . Monica : Please tell me it ' s his mother . Phoebe : Definitely not his mother . Monica : Oh , no . .. Phoebe : Oh , wait , she ' s walking across the floor . . she ' s walking . . she ' s walking . . she ' s going for the pizza - ( Yelling ) Hey , that ' s not for you , bitch ! ( Phoebe covers her mouth with her hand walks away from the window . ) [ Scene : The Emergency Room , Joey is miming hockey pucks kitting foreheads . Chandler realises it ' s getting tense and goes to the receptionist again . ] Chandler : Excuse me , look , we ' ve been here for over an hour , and a lot of people less sick than my friend have gone in . I mean , that guy with the toe thing ? Who ' s he sleeping with ? ( She slides the gladd panel over and Chandler talks through it in a loud voice . ) Oh , c ' mon Dora , don ' t be mad . .. I know we both said some things we didn ' t mean , but that doesn ' t mean we still don ' t love each other . ( To the waiting room . ) Y ' know , I feel like I ' ve lost her . . ( She slides the panel back , he turns , and it takes him by surprise . ) Ba -! [ Scene : Monica and Rachel ' s , the girls are all out on the balcony . ] Monica : Light still out ? Rachel : Yeah . Monica : Oh . Maybe they ' re - napping . Rachel : Oh please , they ' re having sex . Monica and Phoebe : Shut up ! Rachel : So , whaddya think George is like ? Monica : I think he ' s shy . Phoebe : Yeah ? Monica : Yeah . I think you have to draw him out . And then - when you do - he ' s a preppy animal . [ Scene : The Emergency Room , Ross is still going on about his first night with Carol . ] Ross : I remember the moonlight coming through the window - and her face had the most incredible glow . Chandler : Yes , the moon , the glow , the magical feeling , you did this part - Could I get some painkillers over here , please ? Joey : He ' s right , enough , already . What is the big deal about today ? So you slept with her for the first time , so what ? You slept with her for seven years after that . Ross : Look , it ' s just a little more complicated . .. Chandler : Well , what ? What ? What is it ? That she left you ? That she likes women ? That she left you for another woman that likes women ? Ross : Little louder , okay , I think there ' s a man on the twelfth floor in a coma that didn ' t quite hear you . .. Chandler : Then what ? Ross : My first time with Carol was . .. ( He mumbles the last part ) Joey : What ? Ross : It was my first time . Joey : With Carol ? ( Ross gives him a look . ) Oh . Chandler : So in your whole life , you ' ve only been with one —( He gets a look too ) — oh . Joey : Whoah , boy , hockey was a big mistake ! There was a whole bunch of stuff we could ' ve done tonight ! [ Scene : Monica and Rachel ' s , the girls are still out on the balcony . ] Monica : Okay . Okay , I got one . Do you remember that vegetarian pate that I made that you loved so much ? Phoebe : Uh - huh . Monica : Well , unless goose is a vegetable . .. ha haaaah ! Phoebe : Oh ! Oh ! Oh ! Okay , fine , fine . Now I don ' t feel so bad about sleeping with Jason Hurley . Monica : What ? ! You slept with Jason ? Phoebe : You ' d already broken up . Rachel : How long ? Phoebe : A couple hours . Monica : Oh , that ' s nice ! Rachel : Okay , okay , okay , I got one ! ( She sits up and the cushion she was leaning against falls off of the balcony . ) Anyway - The valentine Tommy Rollerson left in your locker was really from me . Monica : Excuse me ? ! Rachel : Hello ? Like he was really gonna send you one ? ( To Phoebe ) She was a big girl . Monica : Really . Well , at least ' big girls ' don ' t pee in their pants in seventh grade ! Rachel : I was laughing ! You made me laugh ! ( Monica and Rachel start to squabble ) Phoebe : There he is ! There he is ! Monica : Where ? Phoebe : Right - where we ' ve been looking all night ! Rachel : He is so cute ! Monica : Oh , George , baby , drop the towel ! All : Yeah , drop it ! Drop the towel ! Please drop the —( pause ) — wowww . [ Scene : The Emergency Room , Ross is absent . ] Joey : Man . Can you believe he ' s only had sex with one woman ? Chandler : I think it ' s great . Y ' know , it ' s sweet , it ' s romantic . .. Joey : Really ? Chandler : No , you kidding ? The guy ' s a freak . . ( Ross enters off camera ) Both : Hey , buddy . Ross : Hi . ( He is wearing a piece of steel bandaged to his nose . He tosses some forms onto reception desk . ) Receptionist : ( sarcastic ) Oh , that ' s attractive . Chandler : Oh , I thought you were great in Silence of the Lambs . Oh come on , admit it ! All things considered , you had fun tonight . Ross : Fun ? Where was the fun ? Tell me specifically , which part was the fun part ? Where ' s my puck ? Joey : Oh , ah - the kid has it . Ross : The kid . ..? ( To the kid ) Excuse me , uh , that ' s , that ' s my puck . Kid : I found it . Finders keepers , losers weepers . ( Ross looks at Chandler for help . ) Chandler : You gotta do it , man . Ross : ( to the kid ) Oh yeah ? Well , I ' m rubber , you ' re glue , whatever —( to Chandler ) — can ' t do it . ( to the kid ) Listen , uh - gimme back my puck . Kid : No . Ross : ' Yes ', how about . C ' mere . Gimme ! Kid : No ! No ! ( They start to fight over it . ) Receptionist : Hey ! Hey ! No rough holding in my ER ! Ross : ( tries to snatch it from the kid ) GIVE ME MY PUCK ! ! ( but it files out of his grasp and knocks out the receptionist ) Ross : . .. Now that was fun . Closing Credits [ Scene : Monica and Rachel ' s , Joey and the girls are playing twister . ] Ross : ( Doing the spinning ) Okay , Monica : Right foot red . Monica : Could ' ve played Monopoly , but nooooo . ( There ' s a knock on the door , Chandler opens it , and silently hands back the cushion . ) Chandler : Thanks . ( The guy nods and leaves ) Ross : Okay , Pheebs : Right hand blue . ( Phoebe has to bend over . ) Good . ( Joey stares at her butt appreciatively ) ( The phone rings and Chandler answers it . ) Chandler : Hello ? Oh , uh , Rachel , it ' s the Visa card people . Rachel : Oh , okay . Will you take my place ? Chandler : Alright . ( on phone ) Yes , this is Rachel . Rachel : Nooo ! ( She grabs the phone and Chandler takes her place on the mat . ) ( On phone ) Hello ? ( Listens ) Oh , yeah , no , I know , I - I haven ' t been using it much . ( Listens ) Oh , well , thanks , but , I ' m okay , really . Ross : Green . To the green . Rachel : ( on phone ) I ' ve got magic beans . ( Listens ) Never - never mind . Chandler : To the left , to the left - aww ! ( They all collapse ) Rachel : ( on phone ) Ohhh . .. I ' m fine . End