I have something different to suggest because I have the exact same issue that you do right down to the fact that my friends only know me on a shallow level . I grew up with abuse and dysfunction , etc . To be honest , I don ' t have THE answer on how to overcome it because that ' s something I ' m still trying to do myself . But the inability to express your emotions and intimacyopen up to others is a defence mechanism . It might ' ve helped you survive in the past but in the present , it ' s just a barrier in your new environment . That ' s why it ' s important to try and remain in the present as opposed to falling back to old tricks that kept you safe that ' s really what not letting people in is about . You have to be in the moment in order to turn off that survival mode in your head and open up to what and who is around you . And yes , it ' s all easier said than done . So , to work towards being present , I ' d recommend looking into stuff like mindfulness , CBT techniques even if you don ' t have a counsellortherapist , etc . It ' s all kind of like meditation that keeps you focused and when you ' re in that state , it ' s a lot easier to be truer to what ' s going on beneath your stony mask . I hope it makes sense and that I helped somewhat there . madpata also gives good suggestions . I ' m just as clueless lol but I ' ve been doing a lot of baby steps in that outofcharacter area . For me , it ' s been small gestures , trying to present myself as friendlier consciously telling myself to smile the fuck up . It takes a bit of vulnerability but there hasn ' t been a moment yet where I thought it wasn ' t worth it . Even if I don ' t end up with a date , I ' m still taking the courageous step of fighting something and improving myself . So hopefully you can apply that to your own situation . Sometimes taking the small steps will help ease you into being a little more open than you might ' ve been if you hadn ' t tried . Btw , are ya in Ireland as well ?