teenager does graffiti , national news story . so desperate , so weak , so lame and anyone with a brain is scoffing at us . The entire fucking world is laughing at us constantly . You make us look weak , we are a joke . <| sep |> Forces given Form is sweet , but it feels like it should be UG . <| sep |> Wow I did the same ! Except I went from Boston to New York great choice the show was EPIC ! ! don ' t worry dude , I still have faith that we will one day catch this sneaky baguette P <| sep |> Smart people make stupid decisions when they feel desperate . Don ' t feel bad about this . Tons of people end up losing their virginity in awkward unsatisfying ways because of the pressure they feel to lose it already . I did . Don ' t take this to your grave . Take this to a therapist . I ' m really fucking serious . You already acknowledge you have depression . This I am an island mentality where men bottle things up and keep everything close to their chest and never share with anyone is a large reason men commit suicide at such higher rates than women . Obviously this interaction is symptomatic of larger issues . Amd you need a person a real human being not some faceless internet strangers to help you wade through those issues . It will take quite a few sessions and you might need to try out a few doctors first . But you ' ve gotta do it . You ' ve already figured out that a prostitute isn ' t gonna solve your problems . But there ' s a different kind of paid professional who can help . Guys go soft all the time . Being 19 has nothing to do with it nor do antidepressants . You were nervous and its pretty common and normal to have erection issues the first few times you have sex . It just helps when there ' s not as much pressure to perform . This usually means you need an understanding partner where you ' re relatively certain you ' ll still be able to have sex at a later point and can just relax and wait . Emotions aren ' t necessary for sex . Feeling safe and respected are though . Emotions don ' t guarantee that but they do make it more likely . You ' re gonna find you have the exact problems with some random bar hookup as the prostitute . When you feel like you ' re just there for sex and there ' s this expectation to deliver an erection it can just exacerbate those nerves . Find a person where you can look at them and say I have anxiety and don ' t have a ton of sexual experience so I ' m even more nervous . I ' d really like if you could be understanding of that and help me make sure this an enjoyable experience for both of us . If you can ' t look someone in the eye and say that , don ' t have sex with them . Because if you can ' t even get through that speech , you ' re not gonna be able to get through the sex . And if they cant handle that emotional vulnerability with maturity , they ' re not going to be any better about the vulnerability you ' re going to feel during the sex . I don ' t know the specifics of your situation . My general advice is usually to just work on your self esteem and social issues and in your case your anxiety . Try going to places sober and talking to women . Not to have sex with them or get their numbers . Just to get used to it . Just do it over and over . Each time focus on what went ok and what you wished you ' d done differently . Then do that . Don ' t put pressure on yourself for a good outcome . Its just practice . This way you ' ll get a little less anxious each time . Because 95 % of the time , its your anxiety preventing your success . I ' m a woman so I can ' t completely relate . But I hadhave super bad social anxiety . And my first sexual encounters were absolutely fucking horrible . I wasn ' t comfortable and I wasnt enjoying it . I was just fighting through the anxiety because I wanted to cross it off my list and get it over with . Because I ' m a thin woman , it was pretty easy to find guys to fuck me no matter how awkward I was . And I had just disasterous sexual encounters . Truly horrifically awful . i started to realize that it didnt fucking matter . I was like woah , that was really bad which lead to well , it cant get any worse than that to wait . Yeah . Thats the worst it was gonna be . And it was awful . But you survived . And you ' re fine . I realized no matter what I ' d be fine . None of it was important and they normal people didn ' t have some magical secrets and they weren ' t all sitting around judging me . I started to realize the pressure I felt didn ' t exist anywhere but my own mind . And I still struggle with it . But it helped to go through those disasters and realize I ' d make it through the other side with no permanent damage . So allow yourself to experience some disasters . Laugh them off . Realize none of it fucking matters . Just try to grow a little and learn something each time . It sounds like you learned and grew a lot so this experience wasn ' t a mistake . Maybe in hindsight you wouldn ' t make the same decision but it still was a good experience to have had . Make sure you have a good support network because that ' s vital when you have depression . And just try to enjoy each day as they come .