Goliwala , I Have BF 1 and i want CSGO . <| sep |> Well the person who gets the job may well be really shit at it but it doesn ' t matter . That ' s business . You were still not qualified . <| sep |> Same here , played it on jailbroken ps 3 , and decides that game deserves my money , soo today i purchased it on steam . <| sep |> People never seemed to realize it was an exhausting act and the moment I would slip up even a little bit it felt as though those I loved would turn against meI feel like this with everyone in my life except for my sister even my spouse , but even with my sister it ' s been hard lately because of the shared grief . Everyone tells me to just be myself . . until myself isn ' t the person they think I am . Because I could seem normal and well balance I was expected to take care of them because I kept my own struggles well hidden . It felt like I was expected to . Even though I ' m the second youngest in my family , I ' m the executor for my parents ' estate because of this exact reason the person who can appear the most normal , gets the responsibilities . very quiet bouts of suicidal depression on a yearly basisYep . Sometimes more often , but again , since I wasn ' t actually attempting suicide , this was never taken seriously . I moved away from my family and have cut off all communicationI ' ve been tempted to just take my sister and go somewhere . Instead of trying to make myself function like a neurotypical girl with depression , anxiety , and a history of abuse , I am allowing myself to behave like an autistic person coping in a world that can be chaotic and confusing . I keep thinking of occam ' s razor . . . It may be possible that I ' m a person with all these different comorbid disorders as well as an array of gifted talents , but isn ' t the simpler answer that I ' m on the spectrum ? And why is it so hard to settle on that answer ? I have started stiming . . . I no longer force myself to make eye contact with strangers to be politeDid you have a long adjustment period with this ? Because for me , the uncomfortable part is how hyperaware I am . Like if I start stimming behaviours , I notice it and either stop it immediately or wonder if it ' s socially acceptable stimming . . . like will it bother anyone if I ' m fiddling with my necklace , bouncing my leg , or tapping my fingers ? Or with eye contact , I start focussing on whether I ' m making too much eye contact or not enough , and lose track of the actual conversation ! Either way , stimmingnot stimming or eye contactno eye contact , both are uncomfortable because I can ' t do either subconsciously . It ' s always in the forefront of my mind . And since it ' s uncomfortable either way , I just end up doing what I think the other person would be okay with . Sorry for the wall of textNo ! Thank you ! I appreciate knowing I ' m not alone . It was frustrating to find this list that completely feels like me , but at the same time not feel like I really fit with the community .