I think there ' s a spectrum of agnosticism to atheism , so terminology is always a little clumsy here . Don ' t worry too much about it . Any reasonable Christian will appreciate that you , and all of us , are trying to discuss quite difficult ideas and we won ' t always express ourselves just right to start with . I would say that sounds like a plan because it is but if you don ' t mind , I might offer a couple of other suggestions which you are free to ignore and I won ' t be offended in the slightest . I , myself , find attending church quite difficult . I do go when I can with help but I have , due to a recent trauma in my life , developed quite bad agoraphobia , and while everyone at church is friendly , I find that the experience is quite difficult . I am hoping this is a transient phase . You may have absolutely splendid experiences of church . They vary a lot and reaction to them is very individual . But if you don ' t two other things that work well for me arePrayer . This only costs time . If you don ' t believe there is a God you are talking to , or you are sceptical about the existence of one , then you can treat this as a form of structured meditation and so the time isn ' t wasted . I do believe there is a God , so I am sure that someone will be listening . Prayer is quite simple , in theory at least , it is a conversation between you and God . Most of us find hearing him very difficult . Even one of the most dramatic prophets of the Old Testament , Elijah , found hearing God difficult at times , so I am not worried by this . In practice it is mostly just a matter of expressing what you are thinking or feeling to God , including doubts , worries , requests and really everything else . One does not just have to pray for things . Prayers can be entirely meta when I am not sure how to pray I pray to be able to pray better . This is good . If you doubt God ' s existence , you can pray about that and so on . It can ' t hurt anyway . The other thing is to try encountering Jesus via reading about him . Encounter in the literal sense . We don ' t have time machines , but we can at least read the gospels and try to understand him that way . Obviously other parts of the new testament are interesting , being in many cases written by people who had met Jesus , but the gospels are a direct narrative and easier reading . Short though they are , there ' s quite a lot to ponder on in the gospels anyway . You could also try some good Christian writing , though I am not sure what to recommend really , but I think one of the best works I have ever read , in that in places it really hits the nail on the head and gets to the heart of what it ' s all about , is the Screwtape Letters by CS Lewis . However , they come with two big health warnings . First , Lewis was rather sexist and that comes through in his writings . You just have to discount that . In his defence , he had just the kind of maledominated upbringing and lived a life that would incline him to being sexist . He did learn rather better later in life . Second , some of the things Lewis is worried about are rather dated . Concerns that were a big deal in his life aren ' t now . However there ' s some good stuff in there . All the best . I will continue to pray for you .