Huh , if that is by your standards a weak blurb . seems really good to me . For my taste it gets a little bulky and shows your hand a little to much . Maybe a little more hinting ? For example this oneAnd once Jack has her in his power , Jillian finds herself in the grip of an undeniable passion and uncontrollable desire to submit to Thorpe ' s every whim . English is not my first language and I write in German . But I would begin with an if and go on with a will . Something more like thisIf Jack gets her in his powser , Jillian will find herself in in the grip of an undeniable passion and uncontrollable desire to submit to Thorpe ' s every whim . You pretty much are telling the same thing , but the blurb reader has to wonder a little bit , if this will really happen .