I ' d love to , but my shannon clearly lacks armor , so until I get better runes , I need to keep eladriel to stay at 100 % success rate , but those runes aren ' t coming . <| sep |> It ' s rough , he ' s getting to point of being completely bedridden . He ' s nearly committed suicide in front of me twice , says he ' ll kill himself if I put him in a nursing home . From the second he wakes up to the second he goes to sleep , every other word is something condemning or negative . I can ' t even go out to mow the yard without him thinking something catastrophic will happen to himself let alone out with friends somewhere . I ' ve never had a girlfriend , barely any friends and all of it keeps getting worse . I do my best to stay positive on the outside but I ' m slowly turning into an angry , bitter soul .