Snap out of it , I get it she was alot to you but if she really was your best friend , if she really was your everythingCan you honestly say she feels the same ? Probably no , but there is nothing you can do to change that , and if you keep going down the path you are on she will want NOTHING to do with you , ever . You need to calm down , you are only 17 you can ' t even order a beer let alone make such a drastic decision regarding life and death . 3 weeks is still fresh but the more you obsess about her the more you will have 100 % chance of never seeing her again . Take some time to yourself , find yourself , as someone who has been rejected many times , the more it happens the less it affects you , first time is always the hardest .