Hes not releasing it . <| sep |> I don ' t think not playing when it stops being fun is a syndrome , and I don ' t want to cure it . <| sep |> It ' s definitely changed . I used to get by on just an apple , a container of yoghurt and a 150 kcal can of soup every day . I did this for years . Then I got prescribed seroquel and suddenly I wanted to eat all the time , even if I wasn ' t hungry . I started bingeing , and I also started to purge to compensate . Somehow my weight didn ' t go up . I really wanted to control the purging so I seeked recovery and I haven ' t been the same since . It helps that I changed meds so I don ' t have the binge urges any more or rarely , at least . I gained 25 lbs in recovery and got to a healthy weight , but in the back of my mind healthy has always meant fat . Now I ' m restricting again and it ' s taking very little effort . My husband blind weighs me every week but he ' s kind of forgotten the last few weeks and at the drs office last week I found out I ' ve lost 8 lbs of my recovery weight , without even really trying . I ' m terrified of what ' s going to happen when he finds out because I don ' t want to gain it back . It always comes back to the same thing , though . I feel calmer when I eat less food . Yeah there are antianxiety meds out there , but most of them just make you sleepy and foggy and I ' m on schizophrenia meds already so I don ' t want to be taking more pills . It changes , but I think in some way it ' ll always be there .