I deleted my answer because I think my point didn ' t come through well I banged that out during a long drive home from my inlaws . I get why an LL comes here and makes such posts such as there , you can feel defensive easily if you take everything personally . And , to your point , I don ' t feel insecure at all so I can hang out here without getting really upset but I think I can still defend myself well if needed . I was also trying to communicate a rebuttal to her statement that an LL is the one everyone claims must change . I think HLs here are almost always willing to change something , anything , if it will improve the sex life . An LL just needs to provide their HL with some direction but that doesn ' t happen too frequently .