Now only if there were douche bag Olympics <| sep |> get rid of helicopters <| sep |> I think he gave that as his name <| sep |> My mom got a detailed set of instructions on how to meet my dad . Mom being Mom , she tossed it well , tried to , the paper got caught by the wind , and landed squarely in the lap of my dad , who ' d been sitting on a nearby bench , reading . My dad got a time and a radio station . He got really excited about the whole thing , thinking it was the start of some grand mystery . it was a trivia contest question he happened to know the very specific answer to . My sister ' s told her to smile more , and good things would happen . Katie really worked herself up into a rage over that one , but even she ' s not spiteful enough to not listen to her future self . Me ? I just might be . Salt Lake City , Utah was the first location . By the time we started seeing signs for the city , it was approaching three in the morning . I looked over at Danny , blinking blearily in the dark confines of the car . He looked back . You ' re sure about this ? No two people had the same letter . It just didn ' t happen . But Danny ' s was pretty damn close . Most people seemed to take this as proof that we were soul mates , like both being told to stay the hell away from Quezon City in the Philippines meant we were simply made for one another . I was doubtful , as was Danny . However , we had compared lists after getting job offers with the same consulting firm , and of the five locations on each of our letters , we had three in common . You bet , I mumbled . You remembered to call ahead of time , right ? Um . Shit . I fumbled around for my phone , found it , scrolled through my contact list , squinting , and called . Someone picked up on the second ring , fortunately . Mrs . Osborn ? Yes ? A tentative voice replied . Who is this ? The consultants you spoke to last week our preliminary visit is scheduled for tomorrow morning ? Is that time still good for you ? Yes , of of course , she stammered . I ' m sorry , this is just such a relief . I haven ' t been able to sleep in days the kids are terrified , I understand , I said soothingly I didn ' t , because this was our first ' job ', and I wouldn ' t understand until much , much later . Your address is 316 Woodside Avenue , Park City , correct ? Yes , she sighed in relief . Yes , that ' s it . Thank you so much . We ' ll see you tomorrow Mrs . Osborn oh , is he still contained ? She made a confused noise . I ' m sorry ? Your husband , I said calmly . Contained to the basement , correct ? I understand a neighbor helped you restrain him , after the . incidents began to become too volatile to manage ? Yes , she whispered , as if in fear of someone overhearing . Yes , I can hear him down there . He won ' t stop screaming , but I can ' t it ' s just if anything happens to me , the kids , they ' d be left all alone , Your safety is critical , ma ' am . Wait until we arrive tomorrow . Do not engage with the subject I mean , Mr . Osborn before our arrival . We ' ll handle everything . She voiced her thanks again , and hung up . I leaned back in my seat with a groan . Jesus . I think I could hear him too . Danny shrugged . Guess we ' ll see tomorrow . In a sense , you could call our line of work ' risk assessment '. I think a more apt name for it would be ' damage control '. Future me probably should have suggested some safer career paths instead of just rattling off locations , but then again . They know me too well . Salt Lake City was a mistake .