Haha , I ' m a sarcastic guy myself , though even I find it difficult sometimes to detect sarcasm through text . <| sep |> Oops . Sorry about that ! I didn ' t mean to , honest ! <| sep |> it ' s almost as if acting out suicide attempts in my head when I ' m upset helps me feel better ? This . It is a coping mechanism . I do it too . You are going through a very stressful change , so that may be creating a greater need to cope . Confronting the reality of being transgender and wanting to transition can create a strong impetus to do this because denial and repression are not valid options anymore . We are facing reality by transitioning , and that is or can be emotionally taxing . It is very comforting for me to think If this does not work out , I will just kill myself . When I was repressed , I never thought more than a week or so into the future because it felt like there was no future as weird as that sounds . Trying to break out of that bleak mindset and actually see a happy future for yourself is challenging .