Report Name : 박현정 ItemsTask ResponseCoherence and cohesionLexical ResourceGrammatical Range and Accuracy Overall mark 55555 Note 비록 문법 과 단어 선택 의 오류 는 적 지만 그것 보다 더 심한 문제 는 supporting details 문제 입니다 . 절대로 포커스 에서 벗어나 면 안 됩니다 . 일단 마음 을 고르 시 고 라이터 의 포인트 즉 현정 님 의 포인트 를 겨냥 하 세요 . 그리고 그걸 센텐스 로 만들 어서 정확 하 게 표현 을 해 보 세요 . 절대로 장황 한 문장 도 좋 은 게 아니 고 그리고 문제 를 벗어나 서 쓰 게 되 면 절대로 좋 은 점수 를 받 을 수 가 없 습니다 . 참고 하 세요 ! ~ ^^ 에세이 에서 가장 중요 한 건 . 바로 확실 하 고 정확 하 게 문제 를 겨냥 해서 묘사 를 하 고 표현 을 해야 한다는 거 잊 지 마세요 ^^** 1 ~ 9 levelsIndividuals can do nothing to improve the environment , only governments and large companies can make a difference . To what extent do you agree or disagree ? Along with the development of society , more and more problems are brought to our attention , one of which is that pollution of our land , rivers , seas and sky is getting worse and worse . Some people believe that individuals have very little to do with the environment . On the other hand , there are also many people who strongly advocate that the protection of environment should arise from each person . For my part , I absolutely agree with the latter point of view . The reasons are presented below . Along with the development of society , more and more problems are brought to our attention , one of which is that of the pollution of our land , rivers , seas and sky . This enigma has taken a turn for the worst so much so that it presents a very glaring social issue . Some people believe that individuals have very little to do with the environment . On the other hand , there are also many people who strongly advocate that the protection of environment should arise from each person . For my part , I absolutely agree with the latter point of view . The reasons are presented below . The first reason that can be seen by every person is that there are many regulations for us to keep for our environment . For example , we have to follow the recycling system properly , no cooking in the forest and no throwing wastes everywhere , and so on . If people recycle as much as possible , waste will be reduced . The first reason that can be seen by every person is that there is a multitude of policies and laws that have been initiated for the protection of the environment . For example , we have to follow the recycling system properly , no cooking in the forest and no throwing wastes everywhere , and so forth . If people were to practice recycling as fastidiously every time all the time , we would be able to observe a marked decrease in the amount of waste produced . Another factor that we must consider is that many people can choose the friendly products from large companies . At the same time , many can use public transportations rather than drive their own cars . In addition , individuals can purchase less products with package . Another factor that we must consider is that citizens are presented with options that are more in sympathy for the environment . An array of these products is being produced by certain companies . Alongside this practice , public transportation is an option for those who sincerely want to reduce the amount of carbon in the atmosphere brought about by the use of individual private automobiles . In addition , purchases on products that come in biodegradable packaging can be made as against those that come in non - biodegradable materials . From what has been discussed above , we safely draw the conclusion that the government and large companies should give individuals appropriate regulations and education about the environmental problem and various friendly products respectively . If individuals follow the laws and practice from small things , it is sure that ones can improve the environment . From what has been discussed above , we safely draw the conclusion that the government and large companies should give individuals proper awareness and education on the laws governing environmental problems . Information is always the key to prevention . In the fight to keep our planet alive , prevention is still the ultimate factor to healing the damage that has already been done . If we stick to this practice with Spartan effort , we can save the planet from total destruction and at the same time save ourselves from extinction .