In west China I overhead a conversation in my hotel bathroom between two Chinese people discussing payment for a hit . Seriously . <| sep |> It really sucked . The kids were more or less shielded from the details , although their lives are still greatly disrupted . I managed to keep the house , although I had to give up a lot of equity and retirement accounts to do that . That helped minimize disruption , they could stay in the same school with same friends , etc . I also got full custody , although no child support . Technically that ' s not supposed to be possible , I cannot bargain away the kids ' support rights , but we skated through with a technicality she gave up her claims to the college funds in lieu of paying anything for their ongoing expenses . Ironically , the college funds were my separate property from an inheritance before I met her , but that doesn ' t stop a vindictive or greedy soon to be exspouse from trying to take them . I guess it worked out with me keeping what I valued most , kids and stability for kids , and she got what she valued most , lots of assets and made me miserable . I ' m still struggling to reach FIRE . She walked away with enough to retire shortly after . What I find most painful is that she turned into a completely different person , motivated by completely different interests from our years together . Maybe midlife crisis is a real traumatic experience . Maybe this was her core being and I just didn ' t see it I actually doubt that , but it makes me kind of distrustful in general , which isn ' t how I used to be , or actually want to beI ' ve come to believe that the memories will always be painful , so no worries on that account . Thanks for asking .