thank you for taking the time to read all that , i truly appreciate it . everything has been difficult but not impossible . Overtime i sensed him losing interest , but i kept in faith hoping he would show some strength into the idea . Also knowing his current relationship he is in seemed to be a distraction from all this , not that im saying it was a bad thing . Seeing that it wasnt turning out to the way we planned i guess thats what made him lose motivation . I hated that he had to know i was going through all of this and that i was going through such pain but at the time he was the only one i could turn to and go to for help . I want to talk to him but he ' ll feel nothing but hurt because i ' ve pushed through the plan without him when it broke me knowing this was happening without him , i almost quit really and i cant help but feel like he ' s given up on me . If only you know how much I ' ve done for this person , its ridiculous and never have i questioned it . I do have friends , friends that come and see me on a daily basis and show much more care than i thought i would ever see . Yet it just hurts to know that i still want him to be there too because weve been through so much . I guess its not the same . I just feel so guilty because i feel like i directed all my energy to someone not as deserving .