They didn ' t have a plan to begin with ? How amateurish for an NATO army that is betting on it ' s dissuasive power to intimidate its neighbours . <| sep |> It is a macro lens so I ' ll look into it ! Thank you for your reply ! <| sep |> WHO THE FUCK CARES ! Its over she lost . <| sep |> I don ' t remember which of David Sedaris ' s books it was but he told of coming across slightly wrong versions of ' American ' food in a Paris shop once . Other than a big 5 lb ? can of peanut butter , I don ' t remember much . <| sep |> Yeah , I can really empathize with being at a permanent 8 I have pretty much accepted that , given how much I know about killing myself at this point and the trialanderror process I have been through with past attempts , I am always going to be at a much higher risk of completed suicide than most people . However . that isn ' t necessarily a bad thing ? Somebody who is normally a 1 can zip right up to a 10 in less than an hour and not know how to deal with it , but if you ' re permanently sitting at an 8 you ' re going to be a lot more careful . Like . I am very aware that , as you said so well , I am always 15 minutes of strong intent away from death . but that means that when I am in a situation where I feel like my level of intent has the potential to go up ie . a very stressful situation that pushes my buttons I take action straight away and contact my therapist , open my emergency self care kit a box of stuff to distract me and written down reminders to help me ground myselfavoid an attempt , make sure that I am not alone , go to the ER , etc . I don ' t even let myself get to the strong intent level , because my alarm bells have been trained over time to ring at the weakbutrising intent level , when I am still thinking with my wise mind , if that makes sense ? And in my self care box I keep a printed copy of my hell on earth plan , and reading over it at a lower intent level can help me to realise that I am not there yet . So . yeah , I almost think a person can be safer at an eternal wellprepared 8 than at an unprepared 1 , haha . My therapist and I have talked at length about all of this as well , of course , and we have developed a traffic light system to very quickly check in with each other about where my suicidal ideation is at green meaning that I ' m at my normal 8 , yellow meaning that my intent is elevated but not drastic , red meaning that my intent is spiralling upward rapidly and I need help right away . We did this because I tend to get a bit . inarticulate , when I am very distressed I find it so hard and painful to describe what is going on that I just end up not talking at all . But I can usually croak out I feel like I ' m at the yellow light level , and it helps because it instantly informs him of how badly I ' m doing . Er . that said , going over this comment , I am realising that everything I am talking about sounds a bit complicated , all these plans and so on . I find that making excessive amounts of contingency plans soothes my anxiety , haha , but I totally recognise that excessive planning can make some people even more anxious . I guess the key things to do are to find a specific approach to it that works for you plans , no plans , etc , and talk to your therapist about it so that you ' re both on the same page . Good luck with it . 3