IA . We all contain multitudes , and the couch potato you are when nothing is required of you isn ' t necessarily the realest you . and as a shy person myself my experience is that the tone of a relationship any , not just romantic is set by the version of yourself you are when you first meet that person . if you are lazy and passive or sheepishapologetica doormat , you set yourself up for remaining that person and being more vulnerable to people who would push you around . But if you meet someone while at least acting like you have high standards for yourself , you set a precedent for being respected and it is easier to motivate yourself to keep that up . And IMO acting puttogether and pushing yourself isn ' t less you than lying on the couch getting fat , as much as you are personally inclined to do that . sorry for this tangential ramble , stranger , I ' m a little drunk