Saw my family today and my dad asked how I lost weight . I answered , I ' ve been eating less . He followed with , it must be all that walking around campus . I replied nah that really doesnt help much . I ' ve just been watching what i eat . then he asked if I ' m abusing adderall . Kind of sucks when people think weight loss is just something you get lucky with or use drugs to get . <| sep |> Why shouldn ' t I work for the N . S . A . ? That ' s a tough one , but I ' ll take a shot . Say I ' m workin ' at the N . S . A . and somebody puts a code on my desk , somethin ' no one else can break . Maybe I take a shot at it , maybe I break it . And I ' m real happy with myself , ' cause I did my job well . But maybe that code was the location of some rebel army in North Africa or the Middle East . And once they have that location , they bomb the village where the rebels are hidin '. Fifteen hundred people that I never met , I never had no problem with , get killed . Now the politicians are sayin ', ' Oh , send in the Marines to secure the area , ' ' cause they don ' t give a shit . It won ' t be their kid over there gettin ' shot . Just like it wasn ' t them when their number got called ' cause they were out pullin ' a tour in the National Guard . It ' ll be some kid from Southie over there takin ' shrapnel in the ass . He comes back to find that the plant he used to work at got exported to the country he just got back from . And the guy who put the shrapnel in his ass got his old job , ' cause he ' ll work for fifteen cents a day and no bathroom breaks . Meanwhile he realizes the only reason he was over there in the first place was so that we could install a government that would sell us oil at a good price . And of course the oil companies used the little skirmish over there to scare up domestic oil prices . A cute little ancillary benefit for them but it ain ' t helpin ' my buddy at twofifty a gallon . They ' re takin ' their sweet time bringin ' the oil back , of course , maybe they even took the liberty of hirin ' an alcoholic skipper who likes to drink martinis and fuckin ' play slalom with the icebergs . It ain ' t too long ' til he hits one , spills the oil and kills all the sea life in the North Atlantic . So now my buddy ' s out of work . He can ' t afford to drive , so he ' s walkin ' to the fuckin ' job interviews , which sucks because the schrapnel in his ass is givin ' him chronic hemorroids . And meanwhile he ' s starvin ' ' cause every time he tries to get a bite to eat , the only blue plate special they ' re servin ' is North Atlantic scrod with Quaker State . So what did I think ? I ' m holdin ' out for somethin ' better . I figure , fuck it , while I ' m at it , why not just shoot my buddy , take his job , give it to his sworn enemy , hike up gas prices , bomb a village , club a baby seal , hit the hash pipe and join the National Guard ? I could be elected president .