Giving Birth to yourself is trying . What are your doubts ? Seems to me that you need to connect the Sourcevoidgoddharnakaya . Its way less intimidating or difficult than you ' d think . You ' re stuck in the process of becoming . That is wonderful and important but it can be suffocating when you don ' t allow yourself to fall away so you can rest purely in the great perfection of Being . In what trungpa rinpoche called the spontaneous mandala which is never finished yet us always complete . The ever moving inifity . Swirling dancing stillness flowing perfectly at rest . The oasis of the nondual . The nottwo the notone . Notother , notyou . The tension in your body is the hilding on of ego . Lay down and systematically let go of your tension in your body piece by piece . Patience . Fall through the old wasteland into your Big Body , Big Mind . Don ' t just waste away in bliss heaven though , you ' ve got Work to do . In the process of evolution . You WILL go through phases of intense confusion , pain , loss and suffering . To embrace and enjoy the pain without giving up on your Work is hard but more and more doable with each turning of your cycles . You will leave this phase but it will return . Ever see Groundhog Day ? Dont try to escape your suffering . It can be your guru . Likewise dont cling to it . Let it flow and pass when its time for the clouds to part . Something is stuck . Let it flow . The tensions you feel are part of the process of forging yourself into Yourself . Feel into your suffering completely and couragously . It is your wisdom that has lay hidden calling out to you . Deeper and deeper . Finer and finer . Open into it . Let your sense of self dissolve into it . Your false self will rebel and through all its forces against you but let it pass through you like wind through the trees . Be that misery . Feel it as fully as you would want to feel your beloveds body against yours , savoring every point of contact , savoring every moment . That may sound vague but its the only way I know how to get at the Roots without knowing anything of you . Understand ? If you cast a spell , then cast a spell that will aid you in releasing what needs release and accepting what needs accepting . To have the courage to make the 180 ' s in your life that are needed and the wisdom to skillfuly navigate through the obstacles in your path . To know what you want and to have the Power to move towards that goal with every step , with every breath , with every morning shit , with every bite of food , with every dish washed . If there was a spell that would take the current manifestation of your problems away , I wouldn ' t tell you because that would just be kicking the can down the road . You seem to know that though . May you be like Snake and shed your old skin . Be Born Anew Old Friend . The Worlds call out to you in need of your aid .