its only gay of u do it twice <| sep |> Why didn ' t they come to me first ? Prejudice . Some slippery ideals of the sanctity of life . Fear . Mostly fear . Fear of the unknown . Fear of death . But death is just as natural as birth . There ' s nothing wrong with it . There ' s nothing immoral or evil about it . Death happens . And sometimes it makes normal people sad because we get emotional and attached to things . It ' s some kind of biological human thing . The same kind of bad logic that makes people think their friends and relatives are being defiled when I raise their bodies after they insist it ' s the soul long departed that is the true self . This is why I ' ve never understood this instinctive fear and anger reaction to my work . It ' s just practical , really . Why not put all these dead bodies to work ? This is the thought that came to me five days ago , in the midst of the fisher ' s market . The village had been wailing and crying about the poor princess . Whom none of them have ever met by the way . I couldn ' t step foot in town without somebody collapsing in tears about poor , poor Princess Magdalena and the terrible fate befallen her , and all the brave valiant men who ' d failed to rescue her . I remember sneering , and then chuckling to myself as I thought with all these dead adventurers , they might as well have asked me for help . I froze in place as I realized that wasn ' t a half bad idea . I looked at the somber , mournful expressions on these simple villagers . If I rescued the damned princess myself , maybe they ' d all quit their whining and I ' d finally be able to buy a fish in peace again . I pulled my cloaks hood lower over my eyes , and without a second though , proceeded to the castle ' s gate . The king was easy enough to persuade . The blabbering fool was more torn up than the villagers . While I suppose that was an appropriately scaled reaction , considering his relationship with the princess , it took all of my wellrehearsed tact to keep the distaste for his emotional stink out of my response . Of course he was furious when I first pulled down my hood and identified myself as the Necromancer from the Old Wood which is the commoners ' way of saying our neighbor who likes her peace and quiet . I was even apprehended momentarily , as he commanded the guards to sieze me . But you could almost hear his little soft heart crack when I said Look , I ' m here to save your daughter for you . I had to bite my cheek to keep from laughing when he was suddenly begging me to help him , offering me gold and titles . My conditions were simple . All I asked for was to be left alone in my neck of the woods . I told him if he stopped sending groups of villagers with pitchforks , or priests to cleanse the unhallowed grounds of my front lawn , then I ' d do it . That was five days ago , and honestly , I don ' t understand what was so difficult about this . On my way through the Dark Forest commoners speak for the trees grow denser here , I encountered three slain knights . One seemed to have fallen to wolves based on the claw marks and missing chunks of meat . I raised his corpse and had my first travelling companion . The next failed rescuer got himself entangled in a giant spider ' s web . I had to work a bit to get him loose , but his drained husk didn ' t impede my progress . The third must have eaten poison berries or something , judging by the dried blood coming out his eye sockets . I managed to avoid these perils by not being an idiot and watching where I was going . Soon the forest gave way to the foothills , and I found the remains to quite a few more pathetic excuses for heroes . Three of them were filled with arrows from a goblin raiding party . I left the arrows in as they shambled along beside me . I thought it looked funny . When I encountered the same raiding party later that day , their arrows proved ineffective against my meat shields , and I added a few goblin zombies to my growing collection . My horde was about a dozen strong when I reached the mouth of the dragons cave . 6 knights , a squire , 5 goblins , and a horse . I actually laughed when I took my first look inside . I sent a zombie forward with a lantern , and saw the entry cavern alone was littered with the bodies of dead rescuers . Most of them had fallen to traps of various kinds pits , wall spikes , falling rocks , and the like . Amateurs . Who just waltzes into a dragon ' s lair ? I had my horde now doubled in size clear the way for me as I proceeded cautiously onwards . I will admit to losing a few corpses to their untimely redeaths from a few unsprung traps . However , this wasn ' t an issue for an intelligent woman with a mostly disposable minor army of the walking dead . It wasn ' t until I encountered the first burnt remains of a knight in slagged armor that I felt fear creep up within me . I steeled myself , taking comfort in my knowledge that Death is the flip side to the coin of Life . Fear wouldn ' t serve me . It would only hold me back from achieving my ambitions . This would all be worth it if the sniveling villagers just shut up after all this . The place was filled to the brim with dead men and women who died for the princess they ' d never met . As I descended further into the heart of the dragons lair , I accrued a sizable army of 43 undead . About a third of these wielded the swords they carried in life . I looked at my mob of rotting servants and put my hand on my hip . I gestured at the lot of them , saying If someone had used half a brain to send you all here together , I wouldn ' t have to be doing this myself . The zombies groaned In agreement . The actual dragon encounter was exciting to say the least . Even if it ended as efficiently as planned . The dragon lay curled on his treasure hoard . The princess was locked in a cage on the other side of the room . As soon as I entered , I spread my soldiers out , surrounding him . What foolishness is this ? Said the dragon . How vain to think you could Eh , shut up I said , and commanded my minions forward . They climbed on top of him , weighing down his wings and claws and tails . The dragon managed to thrash and Theo many of them off , but I simply raided their broken bodies and sent them forward again . I buried him in animated corpses until he couldn ' t get out from under them any more . He tried to bargain with me , as if he bad the upper hand still . I must admit I paused to consider the benefits of a dragon ally , but as usual , I decided I preferred the benefits of an undead dragon pet . I hadn ' t planned on taking such a marvelous prize home with me , but when opportunity presents itself , what ' s a girl to do ? The princess screamed pretty much the entire trip back . Thankfully , it was a shorter trip . I had my remaining knights release her from her cage and then the her to the dragons back . I tried to tell her to calm down and come quietly but she was having none of that , so you can see why tying her down was the best way . It only took the rest of the day to fly back to castle . I suppose it was thematically appropriate that it was twilight when I landed my new pet zombie dragon in the courtyard and returned the princess to her father , the King . I don ' t know why they were all so frightened and tense . I only did what I said I would do . We had a deal , remember ? No more intrusions on my woods . Leave me in peace , and I leave you in peace . The King stood shakily before me as he swore to uphold his end of the deal . Good , I said . I commanded my dragoncorpse steed skyward . People are so weird .