But of course you didn ' t realise that after 5 minutes of masturbating <| sep |> I ' m sorry you ' ve had to deal with this your whole life so far . it all sounds very familiar to me . I remember how much I dreaded holidays and what a nightmare they always were . you didn ' t ruin anything . your Nmother sounds really mentally unstable . It ' s all her , not you . It really does get better once you ' re able to move out . It ' s hard to imagine how much better , if you ' ve never moved out and been independent before . I couldn ' t even begin to imagine it at your age either . They ' ll have no more control over you and you can go NC . You can do whatever you want on holidays and any day . I know it feels like you ' ll never get out when you ' re young , but you will . Do you live in student housing while class is in session ? There may be other options for on breaks rather than stay with your Nfamily . Is the student housing open over any breaks ? CAn you just stay there even if you have to lie to your Nparents and give them some BS excuse like you ' re sick and can ' t travel ? Can your college help you with summer internship , volunteer , or travel opportunities where you ' d be living somewhere other than with your Nfamily ? I didn ' t get out until a few years after I graduated and other options may not have been possible for me , but you may be able to distance yourself from your family way earlier than graduation . How far away is your college from them ? I didn ' t know this at the time or realize I could do it without Nparent permission , but even working on campus in June while previouslygraduated classes have reunions there means being able to stay in the student housing for a few weeks . Or a job in a dining hall that ' s open even on breaks , or take a January session class ?