The Boy in the Striped Pajamas <| sep |> Something to think about . Your comments about tongue kisses and the vibrator make it clear that he ' s aware of your dissatisfaction and that he feels inadequate about sex . This strongly suggests that the reason he is getting ready to propose is to lock you in before you give up on him and bail out . And the sad reality is that , unless both of you are seriously willing and able to support an open marriage and a poly lifestyle , you should NOT marry this man under these circumstances . It will lead to decades of unhappiness for both of you if you do . One of the most common things to hear on rdeadbedrooms is that aside from being completely incompatible about sex , he or she is just about perfect for me . And that ' s like that old joke Aside from that , Mrs . Lincoln , how was the play ? There is just no way to set aside or ignore something as damaging as sexual incompatibility . From what you ' ve said , you should bail now , before you invest any more time and emotional energy in a lost cause . If you can ' t bear to do that and you feel you just have to fight this through to the bitter end , at least make it clear that the current situation is unacceptable , so that he will be motivated to follow medical advice and try to fix his libido problem . But rdb holds the testimony of thousands of HL men and women in the same circumstances you ' re in , and hardly any of them ever find a successful answer . In particular , if a man has always been LL from the start of the relationship , your chance of fixing him is effectively zero . It doesn ' t matter how much you like him in other ways , it ' s not going to work , so don ' t let your emotions trick you into a bad marriage .