Bitter and angry is fine . You ' re going through a lot right now , and you ' re simply trying to process and cope . Being upset at a bad situation is healthy . It is good that you recognize the good things you have in life , but don ' t fall into the trap of thinking you can ' t be upset about the bad things . Everyone ' s hell is their own your suffering is suffering , despite the good things in your life . If you get mad at yourself for being upset , it becomes a cycle , and eventually a spiral . Don ' t do that , I ' ve been there . You said you have an amazing husband . Reach out to him . Again , I know it ' s easy to let the guilt get to you , and let yourself think that you dumping on him is a burden he doesn ' t deserve . However , I promise , if he ' s as amazing as you say , he is more than happy to try to help you through this , and would take comfort knowing you feel safe turning to him for emotional shelter . From the very limited context of this message , you seem very empathetic and considerate . Despite your turmoil , you still think of others first , in your family , and in how you acknowledge others have it worse , and that your life is , for the most part , good . This is a sign of strength , and compassion , which is often much too scarce in this world . I ' m so sorry for what you are going through . I ' m male , so I can scarcely imagine the loss , but I don ' t think it ' s a stretch to assume it is more than a little catastrophic . That you are still considering others is nothing short of incredible . You ' re pretty amazing yourself . Reach out to your husband , and other friends you trust . I ' d bet money you would be there for them , and likely have been in the past . I can ' t imagine them not caring for you deeply . I hope this helps somehow . I can ramble a bit , but words only help so much , so , well , I try to use a lot of them . You seemed more than worth taking some time to write this out . I sincerely hope things get better for you . May you and yours always find happiness .