Fortunately , St . Louis and Chicago act as an impossible to pass buffer . <| sep |> Just fuckin ' cunted it in there . Atta be , boys ! <| sep |> First off , I have never been in your situation and it is distant enough for me personally that I could not offer any advice . So please know that I am not trying to influence you in that way as in the end this will all come down to choices you will have to make . With that said I think there are a couple of things worth consideration . Oh and on a side note major kudos for being so dedicated to seeking answering and enduring the self sacrifice both of you have been called to so far . First , love is a very wide definition that English does not sufficiently explain . There are many types of love and I think it is worth exploring your personal development in all types to come to a better understanding of who you are . Second , prayer and study often provide far more clarity then all the soul searching we could ever do . The Bible has a lot to say about love and a lot to say about the decisions we must make if we are to follow God . Finally , from my own experience I would worry most of all about your relationships with God . Keep putting God first and seek His will . Prayer , study , and a biblical community can all help with this . Behavior is not the first issue we should address . The condition of the heart is . As your hearts grow closer to God I have no doubt His will in this situation will become clear . God bless and I will remember you and your husband in my prayers .