23 I think . After I started to live apart from my family I get more time to think about it freely . It ' s really hard to have your own religious or non religious opinion in islamic country . <| sep |> Dad on the Left , Mom on the right ? <| sep |> Something brought you to this sub specifically . Are you a Buddhist ? Do you have a meditation practice . Perhaps if you give it a try , it will help to bring some clarity to your situation . Read some basic instructions and just get started . Needing to obsessively acquire facts about it until you know ' everything ' before starting is really just a form of procrastination and not taking responsibility for your own happiness . I contracted a mental condition called cyclothymiaThe word contracted makes it sound as if you caught some infection from the air and that you need to rid yourself of it . You may have always been predisposed toward this and it only just came out . Don ' t let yourself play the victim card on this . The docs tell me to stop pursuing what I like . Is it possible that you ' re misinterpreting their guidance ? Perhaps they are advising you to ease off because you have the tendency to become obsessed with something , driving yourself to the point of mental collapse . There ' s a difference between ' doing what you love ' and driving yourself crazy over trying to find perfection . Perhaps there is a middle ground .