And now we have to score another TD to win thanks to that twopt try . <| sep |> I had this . I really hope you see my reply . 2 . 5 years ago it all came crashing down around me and I realised that I was horribly emotionally abusive . I would control my partner , I ' d get upset when he spoke to his friends instead of me , I would lose my shit at the most minor infraction or even when nothing happened . One night he had a break down and he left he went to stay with his Mum until I could get my shit together . That was when it all crashed down and I realised how horrible I had been . I posted here asking for advice and got berated and told I was a horrible person and I should leave him because I will never get better because abusers never get better . I got myself into therapy fast DBT I am not diagnosed but show many traits of borderline personality disorder , as you seem to as well . He came back after only 3 days , but we ' ve spent the last 2 . 5 years healing . The first year was the hardest . For the first few months , I ' d still overreact to nothing and lose it over the smallest thing , and even when I didn ' t , HE would still suffer the fear that I ' d lose it . Things are great now . We are so , so happy together and our relationship is very strong . I am probably overly cautious in sharing my emotions now , but he helps me to work through that . I understand the need for the abusers never change trope , but it ' s not that simple . Almost anybody can change when they realise the gravity of their actions . I recommend that you read into Dialectical Behaviour Therapy . I was similar to you , I think , and it helped me immensely .