Can I add you for Inkay ? <| sep |> If you wanted a girl to love you , would youa Go up to her and say love me and accept me for who I amorb Improve yourself to earn her love ? There is a word for people who think higher of themselves than is reasonably merited narcissism . Narcissism is offensive because it discredits people who actually put in the work needed to better themselves . It ' s why society pressures us towards modesty and not taking ourselves too seriously . It doesn ' t mean you need to hit the gym , or implement a strict diet , or become rigidly disciplined . It means get your ass to a cognitive behavioural therapist who can help you unwind the selfcriticism and replace it with a more constructive thought pattern . ExamplesWhat do you get out of berating yourself for eating the wrong thing ? Instead ask yourself why you ' re eating that , how it impacts on your goals i . e . lose weight , and whether or not you ' re willing to live with that . What do you get out of criticising yourself for not talking to someone ? Instead , ask yourself why you didn ' t feel comfortable approaching them , what might have caused you to withdraw in those specific situations etc . Life is full of conflicting impulses . If you can ' t deal with them alone , there ' s nothing wrong with pursuing a therapist to help you reframe and develop a more helpful perspective . The absolute only way you can learn to genuinely love yourself is to improve yourself , and that requires mental work , preferably with a professional who understands the trappings of the human mind . All of your other goals will fall into place when you give them a solid foundation to build from .