I think it is normal to feel violated , because he used your intimate clothing without asking . It doesn ' t matter why he did it or why he felt he couldn ' t ask , because the why changes nothing about the fact his actions caused you to feel violated and disrespected . His needs for crossdressing trumped your need of having your items seen as yours . You can be sympathetic towards it being hard for him to cross dress , but if he wants to repair the damage done , he needs to be sympathetic to you feeling violated , because he used your intimate expensive clothes without permission . Those are not his to take and use as he pleases . If he can ' t acknowledge that his actions towards you were wrong , then he tells you he thinks that taking your stuff without permission is okay and that is something that damages most relationships .