I ' ve said it once , I ' ll say it again . The one on the right looks like the Grinch . You ' re a mean one , Mr . Trap . <| sep |> This mindset is what is dangerous . <| sep |> Oh I hadn ' t thought about that . Hey look at this sheen ! lol . Hahaha I like the filthy ballpoint peasants . I might have to just stick to using the London Fog in meetings as that writes the dryer of the three pens , or put a pen lid or something under the page when I ' ve turned it and not write on the back of the page . <| sep |> 2 things struck me when I read your post firstly that you write brilliantly and secondly that unlike many I ' ve seen come through this board , you seem to have done a hell of a lot to try and make things better in your life . Many give up or make excuses for not acting on their problems , you have clearly got a lot going for you and come across as a trier . Which is great . I can ' t help you with your situation as I can ' t personally relate to it but I think if you stick with it you have a good chance of turning things around . I think you should give some consideration to blog or column writing as you not only write well , you have a lot of life experience and I reckon people would be interested in what you have to say . It could be a way to put it all out there and unburden yourself of all that ' s happenedis happening in your life . Hope things work out for you buddy , all the very best to you .