It ' d have to be the Married With Children studio audience <| sep |> I was . eh . 14 ? Ish . Homeschooled , and in a family that really didn ' t have a lot of social skills like . at all . Issues . and I had one neighborhood friend , the next door neighbor kid . He was a few years older than I . I forget why we were in my room . I was showing him something ? I dunno . He decide we should wrestle . Now , at this point I was probably 250 pounds , all fat . I figure I outweigh this guy easy , no problem . Nope . Scrawny kid has some serious muscle , and knows how to wrestle . So 14 year old me is pinned , face down , older stronger male on my back , and in my head I know . something is wrong here . Not just Crap , I can ' t move , but something in this situation is messed up . I am not safe . He would let me try and get up after saying he was done , but then pin me again as I tried to get up . There was no penetration , nothing beyond what I just described , but the dominance aspect really screwed me up for a bit . I still have a fear of larger , stronger , authoritative men . Also , please don ' t touch me . Ever . Just don ' t . I used to be pretty huggy . I am not anymore . Touch for me is pretty binary , you are either an aggressor or a lover . There are safe spots for touch , like my shoulder or hand , that you can tap or something to get my attention , and if I know what is going on I can hold hands to pray or give a side hug at church . But the level of touch I offeraccept is related to my trust level with you . My wife can be all up in my business . my trust with her is as it should be pretty dang high . There are a few pastors and folks at church I can hug . One pastor and his wife are like parents to me . I have trouble with kids . We have a godson now and he is the cutest darn kid ever and I fear holding him . Not just Don ' t drop the infant fear , but what if I am doing something he doesn ' t like and he just can ' t tell me ? What if I am hurting him ? I know my intent is not malicious . I just . I don ' t ever want to be seen as an aggressor or a lover in regards to touch , esp with kids . That would just break my heart . My wife was abused in her youth and part of our courtship was me reading the wounded heart , which helped me a lot to understand some of what goes on with abuse . Guys , get some help . Please . I went through the mildest form I can think of for sexual assault and it left me with anger issues and trouble trusting people . Getting help and talking about what happened is what allows me to be the loving husband and lover I am to my wife . Please get help , it can change the course of your life .