And they don ' t clean her lady parts . They cover up the smell with Vagasil . <| sep |> You haven ' t done anything time consuming and everlasting I assume , therefore , you keep asking yourself those questions . Once you occupy yourself with a meaningful task the question Why ? becomes of a second priority . Once you spend , say , 3 years for a starter in a university and get expelled despite working your arse off every day without giving yourself a break , then all the current thoughts you have before will become more meaningless than ever . . I honestly don ' t know what to do with myself . No one knows what to do . We decide on it as we do it . Do everything that you feel to do when your heart jumps from 60 to 90 bpm in an instance . That ' s when you stop thinking and live in now , because you are now . Only by going too far can one find out how far one can go . . everyday I am constantly reminded by my limitations and faults . I used to write down quotes that resonated with me and chant them to myself instead of spending my energytime on useless thoughts about my value of self . Now it ' s merely a defence mechanism that keeps pushing me away from people and I ' m yet to discover the bliss of acceptance and letting go .