Would you not be gatekeeping a system that Lovecraft himself didn ' t even write ? <| sep |> Hold up . Your post is talking about 2 different things . There are different kinds of judgments . There is the kind of judgment that the TITLE of your post is talking about , the type of judgment that many of us think of negatively , like Oh , she ' s so judgmental , I don ' t want to be around her . That ' s the kind of shallow judgment actually more like prejudgement , where the term prejudice comes from that makes negative assumptions about people before getting to know them , based on shallow factors like skin color or how much their clothes cost or similar . It ' s definitely a positive thing to want to be less shallowly judgmental , and to look at someone and say I ' d like to get to know them better before assuming that they are not a person I ' d like to be around , just because I think their haircut is cheap and their shoes are ugly . But another type of judgement is one where we observe the BEHAVIOR of others and decide if we want those behaviors and the people attached to them in our lives . there was an incident in the past where i was kind of ganged up on by his friends , and it ' s hard for me to not look at them the same way . Yeah . This is not you judging . This is you being bullied by his friends , and now your bf is uncomfortable and it is 10000000 times easier for him to ask YOU to make peace because you ' re one person , and he ' s closer to you than it is for him to go to all of his friends , and ask them to apologize to you for their shitty behavior , and have them tell you that they won ' t do it again . Which is what SHOULD happen when people gang up on you . And if they didn ' t come to you themselves to apologize and make amends right away , then that ' s a further black mark for them anyway . It is not a high standard to expect your partner ' s friends to not gang up on you . It is basic civility . You are NOT being too judgmental in this situation . You are being 100 % appropriately selfrespecting in saying I deserve to be treated with respect , and I do not have to interact with people who do not treat me with respect . If your bf wants you to get along with his friends , then HE must do the work of getting his friends to understand manners and respect , and apologies and how they are to treat you . Also , where the hell was he when his friends were ganging up on you ? Why wasn ' t he there nipping that shit in the bud right that second and standing up for you ? If his friends won ' t treat you with respect or apologize , then this is NOT on you your bf either needs to get new friends , OR he needs to understand that he can keep his rude , bullying , friends , but you won ' t have anything to do with them , period , because you have selfrespect and you don ' t deserve to be treated poorly just because HE chose poor friends . I had to learn to be assertive , because I used to be a little like your partner . And I ' d do what I suspect he ' s doing I ' d let my bullying asshole friends off the hook , because they were bullies and assholes and difficult to deal with , and I ' d beg and plead with my boyfriend to just let things go , and forgive them , and give them another chance , or let them spend the weekend even though last time they were terrible to him . Because my boyfriend loved me , so I could lean on his love okay , TAKE ADVANTAGE of his love to get him to do what I wanted , and that way I never had to stand up to my asshole friends and risk losing them , AND I got to keep my boyfriend too . It took me a while to learn how wrong I was , and how much hurt I caused to people I loved just because I was so terrified to confront assholes that I thought were my friends . Maybe I knew deep down that if I told them Hey , you can ' t treat my boyfriend like that , they ' d all make fun of ME , and then bail . Because that ' s exactly what happened . Anyway , this went on far too long but in the end , a few things that help with being less judgmental 1 . Imagine that the person is having the absolute worst day of their lives . Try to imagine that maybe they just found out that someone they love dearly has cancer , and their dog just died , and they lost their job and they are stressed about how they will pay their bills . Imagine that they are just doing the best they can , and maybe not as kind and sweet as they ' d normally be , because they are really struggling . 2 . Try to imagine people as little children . Imagine them laughing and giggling as their mom or dad tickles them . Or imagine them crying alone in the corner , hungry and scared , because they had a parent who was an asshole and didn ' t treat them right . Or imagine them just watching the same TV shows you watched as a kid , and building a fort out of couch cushions and a blanket . They had family who doted on them , and maybe some family who didn ' t . They were excited when they got an A on a test , and sad and scared when they flunked math in third grade . They are human , like you . 3 . Maybe it ' s worth speaking to them as an individual . Brian , it really hurt when you and the other guys ganged up on me that time . I felt really bullied , disrespected , and hurt . I don ' t think you ' e like it if it had been you being ganged up on . See where it goes . If they are sorry , that ' s good . If not , why would you want to interact with them ? This is not your issue . It ' s your partner ' s issue . Check rrelationships and do some reading to see if anyone else has similar issues . Good luck !