There is an approach where you sit back and scull towards them , getting ready to kick off the non swimmer when they try to latch on to you . The instructor at the time suggested putting our heels into the victims faces if they won ' t stoptrying to grab onto you , you kick them in the face until unconsciousness <| sep |> No no no no no , it is too soon and your heart is too raw and they are too emotionally clumsy . Go to a quiet coffeeshop alone , or schedule a spa day of appointments , and send your husband and daughter by themselves . Maybe bring your computer to a coffeeshop and search for memorial ornaments for Oliver online . That way you aren ' t alone , but it ' s fairly restful . But do not go visit those cousins , they will hurt you when you are most vulnerable . You deserve to be treated with gentleness and respect . And physically , you need rest . You ' ll need lots of rest for a month or soand overdoing it will contribute to the suicidal feelings , for medical reasons . None of this is your fault . The most comforting thing anyone said was , God ' s heart was the first of ours to break . It ' s from a sermon a pastor gave for his son , I can find it for you . I ' m so sorry , honey .