fuzzy ! !! o <| sep |> I ' ve had an interesting ride with food and holidays over the years . Growing up there was always the traditional holiday table groaning with food and everyone always stuffed themselves silly . The thing was that we were never allowed to eat breakfast which we were conditioned to eat and came to that table starving so we wolfed down that food and then some . Then puberty hit and I started putting on weight and the comments came about how much food I shouldn ' t be eating and the whole idea of holiday eating started getting really stressful . I have never eaten in front of my extended family or even in public without issue since then . When I first started dieting , I counted and logged my first few holidays . I ' ve been working on my thoughts regarding food and its role in my life since then . I ' m pretty much where I want to be , I ' m just fiddling around with body composition at this point . There really is no extended family left now , they ' ve all passed away , except for the old tapes playing in my head , but their voices are vanquished . For the most part . I ate freely yesterday , Without logging , because I have reached the point where one day won ' t set me back or set me into a spiral . I know not everyone else is there yet . But I am thankful for the opportunity to look back over the years where eating the way I did yesterday seconds of cheesecake ? ??? would have been guiltladen dramafests and I wouldn ' t have even really enjoyed the damned cheesecake with the side of bitterness that came along with it . Yesterday was good , but that was yesterday . It was just one day . I ' m not tempted to even touch what ' s left of the cheesecake , besides , I think I ' d have to fight off my daughter . I wouldn ' t take those odds .