Condoms don ' t fully protect against stds . ' Affairs are a personal choice seems to be a euphemism for do whatever you want regardless of how it affects someone else , only your happiness matters . I thought that because you said you deserve to be selfish that your wife should have been trying to satisfy you sexually so that you wouldn ' t want to cheat , that you actually believed that some people don ' t deserve to be selfish , some people don ' t deserve to be cheated on . At least that ' s what your comments implied . I thought if you were going to list your SO ' s faults then you might agree that in a situation where a spouse does everyting they ' re supposed to do , they shouldn ' t get cheated on or , at the very least gets told about it out of courtesy . I agree that people are allowed to do whatever they want , but they aren ' t allowed to do it at the expense of others . Just because it ' s a personal choice , doesn ' t mean they get to make that choice about someone ' s else ' s life . If you agree that someone should be able to lay out their expectations of what sex will be like after marriage have that expectation met , then surely someone who lays out their expectation of exclusivity or at least a conversation to inform them that exclusivity will no longer exist in the marriage , can have that expectation met . My opinion on this is very simple I get the doing what you want part . I don ' t understand why it ' s okay to diminish someone else ' s set of choices so you can have more . I think caring about someone entails that kind of consideration for their opinion . Btw I ' m not really looking for a response , I just thought it was interesting that your comments above reflect a ' every man for himself ' mentality . And I guess as your username suggests that your mentality is also that life is too short , so do whatever you want ? Life is definitely too short , which is why I think people should be careful about how they treat others because there is more to life than taking what you want for your own happiness . Maybe you can relate to what I ' ve said when thinking of your strong feelings for your ap , how you want to treat her well including not being exclusive when you say you are going to be , since you can ' t relate to it with your wife