Society feeds us a lie that parents love their children unconditionally . Even when you are in a toxic situation , cutting that last tie or standing up for yourself is terrifying because you are confronting the fact that society has lied to you . On top of that , society doesn ' t understand people who cut ties with toxic family if you walk away , or set conditions like mandatory family counseling before reengaging , suddenly you must be the problem . I was disowned by my family , then four days later my mother gaslighted the shit out of me by calling to ask if I would bring hot dog buns to work for her , as if nothing had happened . As if she hadn ' t said she had never wanted to see or hear from me again , as if she hadn ' t had my father call twenty minutes later to say I was never welcome in their home again . I decided enough was enough and required counseling before we could speak again . Years of attempts to contact me , only to then blow up at me when I asked when counseling would take place , followed . I moved jobs , homes , cities , phone numbers and email addresses . Just this summer my best friend got married . Her father decided that after the ceremony was a great time to tell me that I needed to learn to forgive my parents for my abusive upbringing and reconcile with them . They had lost her brother so they see all failed relationships as a tragedy that must be fixed . They knew I was abused but still told my friend that they blamed me for the rift in my family . It made for a very bad day for everyone involved . For some people , clinging to the lie that having accessible family means you are loved is what they need to get by . It ' s how they avoid being confronted at weddings or being treated like a freak when everyone at work talks about their Thanksgiving plans and it ' s your turn to talk and you mention you ' ll be a holiday orphan . It took years , and a welltimed disowning , for me to get out . Not everybody has the same resolve . I personally think it ' s better being no contact with my family , but it has not been easy by any stretch . Family holidays generally put me in a foul mood because I don ' t belong and because I am jealous of people who do have families that love them .