Then I looked in the mirror . I saw the barber ' s reflection , man . It looked like a big penis was cutting my hair . I freaked out . I started talking to myself . Dave , calm down , you ' re on drugs , this is what drugs do . You know that there is no way , that a penis can cut hair . I started freakin out man , I couldn ' t take it anymore . I jumped out the chair , half my hair was cut , I didn ' t care . I just gave the barber a handful of money . It was weird , the balls opened up . I ran home as fast as I could . I was trippin , trippin ! <| sep |> Ill have to show you a photo of what im meaning lol <| sep |> I ' ve served with numerous talented , competent women through over a decade of service as an infantry officer . To ascribe gender as a determiner of competence in and of itself is an embarrassingly stupid idea . I can only assume that you ' ve never served or , if you have , you were the platoon ' s perennial fuckup and were responsible for endless unnecessary mandatory training to try and mitigate against the possibility of you spectacularly screwing the pooch again .