At least they cant change our comments <| sep |> 1 . Make fake names sooner . Trying to keep track of each person by manwomanold manold woman made some parts seem a little confusing , especially when pronouns get tossed in . 2 . There ' s little nuance to much of the action ' he pulled out a cigarette and lit it ', ' he went inside ', etc . . If this is for a script , it ' s fine , but if you ' re trying to tell an interesting story , it feels very blunted and bland , especially since so little affects the dialogue meaningfully . 3 . The side stories the old couple , the car accident seem fine but they don ' t blend into the story well . It ' s like you ' re trying to describe the life of the city , but no landmarks or even people have been described in any vivid detail . 4 . The dialogue feels slower than how it reads . If the conversation occurred in real life , a ton of pauses would occur between the exchanges . Use extra detail and points to pad the pauses , so that the pace of the story feels more genuine .