Honestly I am having real trouble with that one today . Life itself is something I am not able to be thankful for . The rest , it ' s just total bullshit . It ' s been that bad of a year . I have a week to go and I can ' t make my rent or my utilities . I ' ve been sick now for at least a month , bad Lupus flare . Just the most recent bout with whatever . I ' ve been very sick literally all damn year . I can ' t even hardly get out of bed but I have to keep trying , keep job hunting , keep trying to sell off whatever shit I can just to try to make my rent one more time . It ' s been like that for months . My life it ' s just not been working for a while now . Usually I find something to be thankful for but this Thanksgiving I just don ' t think I can muster up anything . I ' m about to lose everything . There ' s nothing left to be thankful for . The positive person I used to be , the optimistic thankful one , I think she died about March when I was sitting there struggling with pneumonia for the second time that year and realized my life and health were totally fucked . I don ' t even the money to eat Thanksgiving today . I ' m having a can of soup , some peanut butter on toast , or some ramen for dinner yet again . That ' s about it . That ' s all that ' s left in the fridge . I ' m down to one meal a day . That ' s it . I went to 3 food banks last week and walked away with nothing . I just don ' t qualify for anything apparently . I ' m not totally starving or homeless , yet , but I will be soon enough if I can ' t sell SOMETHING . I ' ve got practically everything valuable that I own on CL right now , no kidding . But it ' s just been dead here . I haven ' t sold anything in weeks of trying . People show interest but then they just vanish or don ' t show up at all . I can ' t go Ebay . I don ' t have money for fees and that at this point . I ' m trying to work with some local program for people in my situation but they ' ve not been real helpful so far . They just gave me the same lists of food banks and charities that that I ' ve been working with . Most of them you have to qualify for state aid to get any real help from them and I just don ' t . So , fuck Thanksgiving , if I had one damn thing to be thankful for maybe I would do that , but nah . Sorry , I ' m really Debby Downer today . I ' m coming up on the anniversary of my Dad ' s death , my Mom ' s , my ex ' s . From Thanksgiving to NY ' s it ' s always hard but this year it ' s just beaten the crap out of me . I ' m broke . I ' m scared . I just can ' t muster much in that department of late , can ' t be too thankful about anything .