How do I post links , if allowed , and how can I be notified and find this if a comment is made ? Thx <| sep |> Try not to get stabbed by your girl friend <| sep |> Satan hated it all . He hated things and places . He hated ideas and idiots and pretty faces . He hated the good and the bad . He hated the happy and the sad . But he hated one thing even more than most , hated it most of all . He hated the decorations and feasts , the music and shopping at the mall . He hated presents with bows under the tree . The thing he hated most of all was Christmas you see . He got bundles of letters by kids who couldn ' t spell . Delivered right to his door , right in the heart of Hell . Past more misspellings and run on sentences than can be believed , What he saw was raw naked greed . They wanted dasedall dalls and dasedall dats , Xbox games and mittons for cAts . They wanted play kitchens and pot and pans and bishes . They wanted everything in the world with their extravagant wishes . Satan thought of a plan to end all of this greed . It was evil . Even for Satan it was evil and that ' s evil indeed . He would take it all , the games and decorations and toys . That would leave some sad little girls and some sad little boys . He covered his cloven hooves in some boots and his horns in a hat . He tucked his tail in red trousers and he was off just like that ! His plan was quite simple , he ' d enter a house Santa had just left . Then he ' d take everything and the family would be bereft . Bereft ? Bereft of what you might ask ? Of everything Christmas , this was a monumental task ! He stole and he stole and worried not a whit for his soul . He stole until his sleigh was fuller than full . He took all the presents , he took all the trees . He took the ham and the turkey and the tofu and the vegan cheese . Satan stole the garlands and stockings and twinkling lights . Then , just to be a dick he called in bomb threats to all of the airline flights . Satan felt no remorse or sorrow , just as happy as you please . Though if he had to do it over , he might have given all the gingerbread men a venereal disease . So he sat down in Hell and he watched and waited . To watch it turn from a day everyone loved into one everyone hated . No presents or toys , no candy or cookies or feasts . Why with nothing at all , they ' d turn into stark raving beasts ! Satan watched with baited breath and wondered what was in store ? Drinking and fighting and murders or more ? But there was no fighting , no murders , no slashing with knives . There was laughter and dancing and celebrating of lives . And everyone and I do mean everyone sang the happiest song . And the dyslexics ? They sang loudest of all , even if they got all of the words wrong . The devil wondered and wondered how and why everyone was so happy . Christmas was gone stolen and their lives should be unspeakably crappy . Satan thought and he thought and he thinked and hethinked . But all of the answers he thought of , they stunk and they stinked . But then , just then came a terrible , wonderful thought . One he didn ' t wish to think , one idea he fought and he fought . What if Christmas meant something just a little bit more ? Something that couldn ' t be bought like a streetwalking whore . What if Christmas meant caring and caring meant love ? Then by the transitive property , then Christmas meant love . And down in Hell all the doomed souls will say . That Satan grew a great big soul on that very day . Satan went back with his hat in hands and his heart in his throat . He said he was sorry and from now on they were all in the same boat . No more hate , no more torture , no more brimstone or demonic beasts . And then the devil gave it all back , every twinkling light , every toy , every morsel of every feast .