If you fuck it up , you can go relax over how fucked up you made it . . also meaning rest and relaxation is important . Rest 2020 <| sep |> He wasn ' t insulting minorities to pander to whites . I need proof the demagogue is a genius before I believe the more likely hypothesis that fools love a fool . <| sep |> I only have to take calc one to get my associates at first . I ' m very scared . I ' m scared of doing trig and pre calc . ive been out of school a long time and only just took this algebra class over . I avoided math when I first went to school and avoided anything I liked science , computer tech or had any real hands on experience with , because I ' m not bad at math but I ' m bad at remembering all the steps and equations sometimes . and I forget it easily and quickly . I ' m terrified because I ' m holding my sick family back by doing this and I don ' t want to fail . I ' m much more confident in CS studies than math . sometimes I even feel sure of myself with it , but then I look at what other people have accomplished and how so far ive failed to have a meaningful project or contribute to open source , I just enjoy trying to make game engines until I fail , always hoping to be able to get just a little bit further the next time I try . but I ' m so sick of running into a wall and giving up . if this helps me get past those walls , I would do very well . I have some level of aptitude even if I ' m not as good as I should be , I feel like I have a chance of understanding and doing ok . I do have some limited background but I feel like its hardly anything to be very proud of . I never was good enough to contribute to open source projects I liked and hope that changes with direction . I may very well fail , but I am giving it my all , I guess I ' m just worried I ' m throwing this opportunity away on a fantasy . in the past I chose majors just because I was interested , but found I could never do it . psychology , music I ' m good at music but I didn ' t get enough education at a young age , I ' m a nearprodigy that started too late . they still want me back , but my reading isn ' t good and I have an awful sense of identifying notes by ear even though I can play along by feel and know some theory I don ' t feel like computer science is the same way . somewhere deep inside its something I was always interested in , and something I always keep coming back to trying to do until I get red in the face and give up for awhile again . I really always and still feel like maybe I could be very good at it . but the math classes scare me . I don ' t want to be weeded out , I will try to retake them as many times as I can if I fail , I just hope my best is good enough . and I hope I don ' t find that the things I haven ' t been able to overcome are something that is explained to me as I go along , and it doesn ' t end up like me trying to teach myself from tutorials and then handed a project that ends up needing a whole bunch of steps I wasn ' t taught to manipulate . Ive read countless books on the subject , but it doesn ' t help me in the process where I know a lot of really good programmers were able to do a lot from that in high school . I will try . I am trying . I was just saying , there is still time to pick something else , even though I am very enthusiastic about this . if I make a mistake now this is my last chance at ever getting an education probably . I have to make it worth it . I have to do well .