Yeah , i hear you . I ' m the same way . I try to be brutally fucking honest with myself when I ' m looking back at stuff , and not brush it off as just my depression ruling me . But sometimes I catch myself actively ignoring things or not being honest with myself , even when it ' s all just in my own head and nobody else is witnessing anything . That ' s where memory comes into play , too . Like in a relationship that ' s over . you ' re looking back , and , even if you think you remember certain events or the progression of them right , how can you really fucking know ? I ' ve acted shitty in relationships or with people I ' ve dated before . I have absolutely no shame in admitting that . But how can you look back with crystal clear vision and remember not only what happened , but how it happened , and how you were feeling when it happened ? It ' s basically impossible . And part of me always wants to put that safety vest on and claim that anything I ' ve done that I regret was because I was in a bad place mentally on some level , at least and had little or no control over my rational thoughtprocesses . In reality , you ' re probably ALWAYS more in control than you think you are , but what good does that do looking back ? Really the only thing to do is focus on your future and the things facing you today . And not feel ashamed of your past or run away from it . Sorry for the rambling , but yeah .