start playing chutes ~~ and ladders ~~.<| sep |> Sorry I dont think you ' re very self aware writing as you do . Hope you find some validation . <| sep |> Google tells me above average but not ridiculous . Looks let your just making a bunch . <| sep |> Good for you for putting a good face on things . That takes effort . You should be proud of yourself for hiding your problems . Not everyone can do that . Now the challenge is to find someone who you can tell the total truth to . You ' re making the first step by posting . Do you have a therapist , and do you tell them everything ? It helps . Otherwise you might have to start putting your circle of friends to the test by unloading on them . It ' s an embarrassing thing to do but you ' ll find out pretty quickly who your real friends are , and those people will become your support network . Thanks for sharing , I feel less alone giving you this advice .