What happened was beyond horrific but I can ' t find it in myself to attribute any blame to rrelationshipadvice . Furthermore , I can ' t even say the advice given was wrong , or that the tone was too harsh harsh tones do not a murderer make . Our failure in regards to this situation is not seeing how severe of an abuser ujasoninhell ' s spouse was but you can only see so much with so little and if we jump the gun and call everyone who is written about an abuser we run the heavy risk of speculation . I am hesitant to say what we could have done better would more sensitive language have stopped a murderer a child murderer ? I fear by placing blame on rrelationshipadvice we risk indirectly blaming ujasoninhell , who should be the last person to blame . ujasoninhell , if you are reading this , know that this is not your fault . You might understand it on a rational level , but if you can , if there ' s a way , do all you can to try and instill this on an emotional level .