This too shall pass . You sound like a really thoughtful mom , and this must be so frustrating to deal with . I don ' t have much practical advice to offer , as I ' m still in the trenches too . But . I did want to offer a bit of encouragement . I was , by all accounts , an impossible child , and there are several childhood stories about me that sound a lot like your daughter . My parents did whatever they could to keep me safe and alive while also struggling to not just crush any independence I had I know that ' s an almost impossible line to walk and I ended up being a really capable and borderline reasonable teenager , and now I ' m a successful wellbalanced adult mostly . So try to see any positives you can about this behavior while you ' re struggling to deal with it for instance , how great that she has a strong sense of self and strong opinions ! No peer pressure for this little girl ! What determination and persistence she has ! She ' ll be able to do anything she puts her mind to ! What physical health and strength she has , and mind over matter ability , to be able to flail around so wildly and not even let pain interrupt her tantrum ! and just remind yourself that this is just a phase , and this too shall pass . My parents said they aimed for very strict schedules to help me know what to expect , and they were as consistent as they could possibly be , and they were realistic about what issues actually mattered and which issues were not important enough to fight about the choose your battles advice seems suited to every child , really . Good luck !