That blows man . I probably would have called you them out if I was the cashier . <| sep |> Just updated the post check them out <| sep |> He ' s washed up and overrated as duck . Look at his eu lc s performance BOI <| sep |>. with the exception of moving people . <| sep |> How will you get better if you keep quitting against people who are better than you ? <| sep |> I ' m digging their meng das . I got white , red , and green . They ' re doing well for me . <| sep |> 0 tel 0 tel 1 0 tel 1111 Just dotted them down myself and used a binary converter . It ' s the real deal . <| sep |> Very precise machining . Usually electrochemical machining when it comes to these perfect fit gifs <| sep |> The intro feels a bit familiar , if I ' m honest . I think you can build on it , but I think you could stand to change it a bit . Intros like this one , looking back on everything that happened , are pretty common . I think it ' s because often writers like us think that the most interesting parts of our stories are the villains and the journey and the feelings of foreboding destruction . But strangely , often those aren ' t the reasons we read stories . What you ' ve got is a promise in your first 100 words . A promise of adventure , of a dark villain , and of in essence many years lost by your MC . I think this type of generality can work . But sometimes it can be exactly what you say , vague . It doesn ' t necessarily set your story apart . What am I trying to say . It works as is . It isn ' t something I ' d stop reading due to the first 100 words . I ' d give it 3 pages at the very least to see where it goes . But I don ' t necessarily feel a huge hook yet . And sometimes the hook comes a bit later say at the end of the first chapter . It ' s fine as it stands now . But I think the feelings you ' re trying to get me to feel aren ' t being felt as much as you ' d like because the references are inherently vague . You might do better to describe a specific snippet of a scene that the MC remembers . Perhaps dig into details about Blake , standing in a horrible pose with fire licking at his fingertips after he ' s set a room ablaze . Being more specific will help set your story apart from every other adventure , and when going back to read your book again will give that reader a nice sense of the circular nature of storytelling . What you have done well is give me a clear expectation . I know what you ' re promising in your story . I haven ' t determined if you can follow through yet , but I know what you ' re promising which is really good . Sometimes writers forget to hint at anything , part of why this exercise is so helpful . You very explicitly make a list of promises which is good . And you have a good sense of drama . That helps too . My advice is to go back to it after your finished or if you are finished start picking it apart more . Get a bunch of peoples opinions on it , because I ' m only one person and I could be way off . I can ' t say I read a TON of portal fantasy so it might make my opinion a bit off . But hopefully some of these ideas help you to make it an even stronger opening .