Dr . Strange would you like this necklace , it doesn ' t looks good with my suit . m <| sep |> Please go on , now I ' m intrigued . I wish I could say I never had an incident but I ' d be remiss . Around 1112 yo I still had a babysitter after school in reality it was just the neighbor lady who had kids that were a little older and we just hung out there . In any case , as I discovered some new interests of mine so to speak I proceeded without much awareness that I might get in trouble , but I started to notice my babysitters son who was maybe 3 years older than me and on the wrestling team so he had some defined musculature . So one day I found myself in a situation where I could see him changing in his room and I stupidly peeked without realizing he could also see me . Oops . I quickly realized that it wasn ' t OK after he flipped out and I was deathly afraid my mom would find out . So all in the course of like 3 minutes I went from being curious to realizing oh shit I ' m gay and then be afraid someone would find outhe ' d tell someone . So I apologized and pretty much never went back to my babysitters house or ever saw him again . Fortunately my mom just thought I wanted more independence so she let me be a latchkey kid after that . To this day I ' m still embarrassed by all that , even looking back realizing that ' s just kid shit and not even a big deal on the grand scale of things , I still get a knot in my stomach . It ' s dumb . Come to think of it , that single event was probably what sent me spiraling down that rabbithole of secrecy and selfhate etc .