I am another divorced stranger . Thank you , OP , for asking for help and sharing your story . I was in a very similar situation a few years ago . At first , we separated and I thought I could manage filing for divorce on my own , and I studied and I got close to taking my paperwork to the courthouse . Eventually , I had too many questions and decided custody issues were too huge of a deal to manage on my own . I took out a small loan for a lawyer ' s retainer . When we met , I laid out what terms I wanted for custody and I got exactly what I believed to be the best for my children at the time . Something I didn ' t do Think of everything you wantmore than just timeI think custody orders can include financial arrangements such as splitting the costs of gifts . Think about holidays , vacations , and school too . Your ex sounds like mine . He did not even try to contest a single part of divorcecustody proceedings . So my lawyer wrote up everything , he signed it , my lawyer and I met in the courthouse , the judge glanced at it , signed it , and boom , I was divorced . I had a few dollars left in my retainer when it was over so I had my lawyer write up my will , too . It seems like everyone has a divorce story when you start talking to people about it . Everybody has different advice . At first , I felt overwhelmed and pulled in 500 different directions . My only advice is to just find a lawyer and listen to them . Smile and nod when you ' re getting friendly , unsolicited advice from anybody who has experienced divorce . Then be like Elsa and let it go . You won ' t feel like you ' re underwater for long and if you ' re already doing all the work yourself , you are right to cut off the dead weight . You ' ll be better off without him .