I don ' t freeze up . I just happen to think a God who behaves as you say your God does is a deity not deserving of worship . The good news is that most Christians are far better people than their God . I say this only as a point of argument . The Christian God is a work of fiction , so it is impossible for him to do anything . I can only judge your God based on what I see , what the Bible says about him , and how his followers live their lives . On all three counts I see nothing that would make me consider embracing Christianity . I spent 50 years of my life as a Christian . By any measure , I gave it an honest try . I was a Calvinist for many years , so I would have appealed to the sovereignty of God and his love for his children . Romans 8 I fully understand where you are coming from . Been there , done that . I wish you well .