Relationship anarchy

Relationship anarchy (sometimes abbreviated RA) is the application of anarchist principles to intimate relationships.  Some especially important values include autonomy, anti-hierarchical practices, lack of state control, anti-normativity, and community interdependence.  RA can be considered a type of non-monogamy, but moreso is explicitly anti-monogamy.  This anti-monogamy is distinct from polyamory, solo poly, and other forms of “dating” due to their reproduction of many of the same oppressive structures found within monogamy (amatonormativity, pedestalization of sex, reinforcement of hierarchies of intimacy, autonomy-limiting rules, etc.).

Misconceptions
RA is not a type of polyamory, “free love,” or an infinitely customizable relationship style. Some people mistakenly believe that “anarchy” means everyone does whatever they want, leading them to misconstrue RA as a model for relationships where anything and everything is okay, as long as everyone involved is in mutual agreement, which is a description of free love.  RA asserts such a movement only reproduces the same patterns of oppression (rules-based relating, state-sanctioned marriage contracts, amatonormativity, etc.) as polyamory and monogamy, so cannot be considered a liberatory practice.

In actuality, RA is the application of a belief system that resists all forms of ownership- and rules-based relating. This includes opposing and destroying categories of intimate relationships according to the Relationship Escalator (“friend” vs. “romantic/sexual interest” vs. “partner” vs. “spouse” as distinct levels in a hierarchy of intimacy), third-party consent (needing a “partner” to approve or consent to another person’s activities/relationships), marriage (state-sanctioned contractual relating, in which neither party can leave at will and each of two people become increasingly legally, socially, and financially bonded), and all other forms of oppression and hierarchy (racism, sexism, desirability politics, citizenship/nationality issues, capitalism, homo/trans/queerphobia, etc.). It is NOT consistent with RA, to “choose” marriage or to prioritize some intimate relationships with the title of “partner/boyfriend/girlfriend” or “primary/secondary.” These actions support harmful social norms and are ultimately destructive towards the goal of anti-oppressive relationships in community.

History
The term relationship anarchy was coined by Andie Nordgren in her 2006 essay "The short instructional manifesto for relationship anarchy" (translated by her from the original Swedish “Relationsanarki i 8 punkter”). Related themes have also been explored in Swedish masters and bachelor theses by Jacob Strandell and Ida Midnattssol.

Strategies and facilitation
 Open discussion groups
 Community values discussions
 Queer desire party: A safe, sober space for queer, transgender, lesbian, gay, bisexual, pansexual, and non-binary folks to play, flirt, scene, snuggle, chat, and NOT be the only one in the room.
 Divorce/Break-up parties
 Conflict fishbowl
 Co-Housing visioning and execution
 Custom clothes, art, signs/posters

See also
 Anarcha-feminism
 Anarchism and issues related to love and sex
 Free love within Anarchism
 Queer anarchism

References

Further reading

Denkinson, Grant. "UK Poly Mailing List Demographic Survey Results", Polytical.org, September 5, 2012
Asexual, The Thinking. “Relationship Anarchy Is Not About Sex or Polyamory.” The Thinking Aro, 21 July 2016.
Sarkisian, Natalia, and Naomi Gerstel. “Does Singlehood Isolate or Integrate? Examining the Link between Marital Status and Ties to Kin, Friends, and Neighbors.” Journal of Social and Personal Relationships, vol. 33, no. 3, 2015, pp. 361–384., doi:10.1177/0265407515597564.
Mariah, Juno. “Marriage: An Invasive Political Regime.” Medium, 7 June 2019.
Queers, Anonymous. “Queers Read This.” Queer Resources Directory, June 1990.
Seidman, Steven. The Social Construction of Sexuality. W.W. Norton & Company, 2015.
Reports from the RAD 2019 Unconference. Relationship Anarchy Discussions (RAD), 2019. https://static1.squarespace.com/static/5bfe9674f407b4d59f22145a/t/5e4abee2a4a90257d8e4c122/1581956845482/RAD2019Zine+Updated+02.17.20.pdf

External links

Category:Anarchist culture
Category:Anarchist theory
Category:Interpersonal relationships
Category:Intimate relationships
Category:Love
Category:Polyamory
Category:Sexual fidelity
Category:Sexuality and society