Return of the Lotus eater
Music, Journalism, Stretch
Things I have found out this week:
1. Work is overrated and long and causes neck pain and back problems that will lead to ol Stretch packing an Uzi with his lunch one of these days. (Probably Thursday)
2. Kate Middleton is as ubiquitous as the insignia for Coca Cola and Heineken, yet tastes rotten in comparison
3. "Livin on a Prayer" chorus makes no sense. Change 'prayer' to 'housing estate' and the song becomes tangible.
4. I get cravings for the title track of 'The Fog," so I had to buy the album, now I need the Dvd. Stupah
6. I have no desire for the new Apple iPhone, happy with what I have. Does this make me a dirty red?
7. Kitchens of Distinction are planning a new album. Fuck sake, are there any new bands? New Fast Automatic Daffodils at least have the decency to stay dead.
8. Mitt Romney is a perfect example of a potential US president, who by getting all his gaffes in early, can manipulate the short term memory of the voters who will think he is kind and someone whose knee they would like to sit on. They will end up on the roof rack.
9. The new Dallas makes the old Dallas look like the Wire.
10. Broadsheet is funny, the commenters on Broadsheet are not.
Until next time, watch out for the fog, you may see Jamie Lee Curtis.
September 21, 2012 Stretch MacGibbon Tagged celebrities, Dallas, entertainment, Flying Lotus - putty boy strut, Flying Lotus - Until The Quiet Comes, Hedgehog in the fog, http www youtube, Iphone, jamie lee curtis, Jamie Lee Curtis The fog, Kate Middleton, Kitchens of Distinction, Livin on a Prayer, Mitt Romney, New Fast Automatic Daffodils, the fog, The Wire, travel, Until the Quiet Comes, vacation, Warp records	Leave a comment
Scarred for life/Bieberedbuttahfli
You think it's easy, hah? One day I will be as interesting as Peter Ustinov. You just wait an see
Stretch right there! Valley!
This is pretty much Stretch's place in the world. Sitting on a branch, slightly confused. Watching people, wondering when I'll get the power to brainwash them…it'll happen. soon
Meanwhile, still laughing hysterically at the performance of The Black Eyed Peas at the Superbowl last night as compared to the actual show they put on. There was something epic about how shit they were, especially when Fergie, obviously realising things weren't going well, would bellow some nonsensical notes into the night sky, as if to add some soul to the proceedings. Then Usher fell out of the sky and Cher-d his way through half a sentence, before dancing very impressively. This, however, is the equivalent of telling an unfunny joke, receiving awful silence and following with,
"Will I do a dance?"
I laughed and laughed. Thank you Superbowl, that was fucking funny. Next year, Justin Bieber will be sterilised on stage, complete with dancers. USA! USA! USA!
this is bettah…I'm reading Horace Panter's book Ska'd for Life: A Personal Journey with the Specials, which is great…
Although these days, like D'Angelo Barksdale, you are forced to scream the question,
"String! String! Where's Dammers String? Where's Dammers? Where's Dammers String? Where's fucking Dammers String? Where the fuck is he? Huh? String! STRING! LOOK AT ME! LOOK AT ME! WHERE THE FUCK IS DAMMERS?!"
February 7, 2011 February 7, 2011 Stretch MacGibbon Tagged D'Angelo Barksdale, Fergie, Horace Pante, Horace Panter, Jerry DAmmers, Justin Bieber, Monkey Man, Old Grey Whistle test, Ska, Ska'd for life, Ska'd for Life: A Personal Journey with the Specials, Superbowl, The Black Eyed Peas, The specials, The Wire, Too Much too young, Usher	Leave a comment
Stretch Songs of Joy 2009 (third o'treeeeee)
1, Music, Journalism, Stretch
Here I go again on my own!
Going down the only road I've ever known!
Like a sister, nuns know how to walk in line!
But I've made up my mind!
I ain't wearing this habit one more time!
Hello everyone or YOU!
I'm still laughing at the falling Pope…that was funny. The Santa brought me alcohol and the Buddha machine. He read my letter. He did. He did! Kids, send by registered post. Works a treat. However, the Santa pointed out that I've been a bad little monkey this year. Nothing to do with nuns. I just like the pic.
And it's true, I have been a bad monkey. I haven't really been all I could be this year. I've been drinking since January and this has affected my ability to construct meaningful mlogs. Next year, every speech I shall give will start out from the brain stem of Debbie Harry, flow through the blood vessels of Gary Barlow, meet at the colon of Mariah Carey, then be catapulted through Morten Harkett's innards and like the sound of a dog retching be released through Celine Dion's withered oesophagus into the ether where you, all of you, will say:
"Stretch really has changed..He's a good monkey after all."
Until then! Fuck a Nun! Oh yeah!
Nathan Fake – Fentiger
He's back again. Yes, the man who likes to write music about architectural structures throws out this beast about a misspelled font. It's his second entry in my SSOJ or sausage for short. Nathan says he's very happy to be included in my list. "I'm very happy to be included in your list," said Nathan balefully. Watch out 2010, this is a man on the rise. Expect him to work with Madonna, the Killers and pests Coldplay as he balefully drags their equipment around Europe as a roadie. Christian Balefully. Ha! No, he really is special and should be experienced. Kudos
Sonic Youth – Antenna
Tommy Tiernan described them as "Old people dressed up as teenagers." The Gandalfesque Sonic Youth made a really good album this year. The Eternal gave back a clarity and consistency to SY fans that hasn't been heard in a while. I've always been a huge Sonic fan, but some of their albums bored the piss outame…Most prolific bands will be hit or miss, but the disappearance of Jim O'Rourke and the arrival of ex/current Pavement bassist Mark Ibold seems to have freed them from the experimental hole they have been languishing in for quite a while now. Some of their more 'out there' stuff was really good, but like most people who smoke pot constantly, reality can seem more of a buzz sometimes. Expect the next album to be the sound of chipmunks fed through 200w speakers on the end of a Theremin.
Anti-Pop Consortium – Volcano
Fluorescent Black is the new album. My favourite hipper-hoppers brought out this gem to make me look at people and cross my arms, live my life like Bodie Broadus and deliver lines from The Wire until it annoys people. Not sure I understand the video. Something to do with..no, actually I don't understand. Do you? There's a great remix of the song by that Four Tet dude right here. *****CLICKMEBABY****** Might be better than the original, not sure. Both classics…Yo
Speaking 0f Four Tet, these oh-so-hot-right-now dudees went to the same school as him and other famous unknowns. Anyway, although I avoid bands that make NME journalists cream themselves and others, I kinda like these. There's a nice feel to them and they probably deserve the hype, unlike the ridiculously overrated Arctic Monkeys. The Monkeys (no relation) are a good band, but it is weird to see them at the top of stupid journalists' endless top bands/albums of the decade lists. It's weird. They're good, but y'know, c'mon, that's fucked. Makes me angry. Still if The XX still exist in two years, I'll be amazed. When I'm amazed. my bum goes bright purple and you will all know why.
Fuck Buttons – Flight of the Feathered Serpent
If anyone would like to buy me a nice Gibson geeetar, I would much appreciate it. This last one is pure gold. Two men making noise and forcing your eardrums to co-exist happily with this sonic mind-fuck. The album Tarot Sport was produced by your favourite and mine, Andrew Weatherall. The whole album is exhilarating and worth an enormous listen. Ignore the video. it was made by one of those narcissistic YouTube types who must, I mean must show their art to the planet.
And now, the Pope…
Happy Fucking New Year
December 28, 2009 December 29, 2009 Stretch MacGibbon Tagged Andrew Weatherall, Anti-pop Consortium, Arctic Monkeys, Bodie Broadus, Celine Dion, Christian Bale, Coldplay, Debbie Harry, F*** Buttons, Fluorescent Black, Fuck Buttons, Gibson, Jim O'Rourke, Killers, Madonna, Mariah Carey, Mark Ibold, Morten Harkett, nathan fake, NME, Pavement, Pope fall down haha, Sonic Youth, The Pope, The Wire, The XX	Leave a comment
100 Best Quotes From "The Wire"
Mos def
Ya feel me
November 28, 2009 Stretch MacGibbon Tagged Avon Barksdale, bodies, bubbles, Frank Sobotka and many many more, mcnulty, stringer bell, The Wire	3 Comments
Whack-a-Paddy-to-Deathery Uimhir a ceathar(4): Fatima Mansions
People in this patch of potting compost tend to talk of soccer player and all round shit-stirrer Roy Keane as the most scary evil thing to come out of Cork (Cark), but that's rubbish. There is another member of that self-righteous, mostly striking clan. His personality is far more evil than anything the historical ball-sac DeValera could ever have counted on, in his weird Catholic, misogynistic, deluded way.
Cathal Coughlan is the man. He is an evil Man. He is an angry man. He is quiet enough these days. Like an
Empty when bag gets full
unsatisfied horse ramming a chestnut tree, he arrived in my vision during the early nineties as part of Fatima Mansions, named after a Dubalin southside block of flats which made the Wire look like Desperate Housewives. Schizophrenic music followed. His previous band Microdisney were cutting edge in the Irish alt scene at the end of the 80s. Morphing to the Fatima Mansions, he brought an ungodly rage with him, apt for his band who got kind of stuck between a number of genres that were at the fore of music at that time. They didn't fit in neatly to the Madchester scene, or Britpop (obviously), or Grunge, leaving them unmarketable, even though they were darlings of the NME and Cathal seemed to be using Danni Minogue as a pin-cushion.
The different personalities that came out on their albums meant that for every "Evil man" or "Blues for Ceaucescu," there were beautifully odd songs such as "Take me to the wilderness on time" or "Berties Brochures." Fatima Mansions will never be an important Irish band, but they were original, something that you couldn't say of Bell X1. Anyway the anger dissipated and Cathal became a critically acclaimed solo artist around these parts, seemingly at peace with the world and even Britain. He's too quiet though. If you ever visit Cark, take care that in between the statues of Michael Collins and deep-fat fryers, he lurks, and if he's angry, you are fucked!
Speaking of Danni Minogue, we all remember she was the pudgy less talented sister to that K-hole Australian thing. Look at her now on X-Factor after she completed her current transformation of biting down hard on the inside of her cheeks and then attaching a vacuum cleaner to her lips. Why is no flesh attractive to these goons? Maybe Simon Cowell flosses with her? Well, that's all he would do with her, isn't it?
So, for anyone who thinks Cark people don't have chips on their shoulders:
He's behind you! Y'knaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa!
March 19, 2009 March 21, 2009 Stretch MacGibbon Tagged Bell x1, danni minogue, danni minogue is a pin cushion, Fatima Mansions, The Wire	2 Comments