Forty Drinks
Stephanie McLaughlin
When she turned 40, Stephanie did something a little ridiculous. Instead of having a party, she had forty drinks with forty people in forty different places - and each drink had a connection to her friend or the relationship. What began as a wacky way to celebrate, and to extend the milestone into a yearlong adventure, turned into something else. The 40 Drinks Project was a powerful, soul-searching journey that changed Stephanie's life profoundly. Growing out of the project, Stephanie became captivated by the big "four oh," and how other people dealt with the milestone birthday. The podcast captures conversations with people about their life experience around turning 40 and what 40 means to them. No matter how you slice it, 40 is a crossroads, the halfway mark if you will. We'll talk to people in their 40s to see what turning 40 was like for them. And we'll talk to people in later decades to reflect on their 40s and how they were different from previous decades. And we may even catch up with some of the original Forty Drinks friends to see how they're doing.
Turning 40 and Grief Recovery: An Exploration of Resilience and Happiness
Emma Johnson is a mother to three young children and the convener of Women's Circles where is drawn to, and feels really able to connect with, those women who have found motherhood to be like falling off a cliff. Today she shares her personal journey of rediscovering herself after the loss of her sister and the challenges of motherhood. She delves into the concept of holding space for others, and how it can be a powerful tool in the healing process. Emma also talks about the importance of resilience and happiness in the face of grief and adversity. Join us as we explore the theme of turning 40 and the journey of grief recovery with Emma Johnson. Guest Bio Emma believes deeply in the power of the female voices and stories, and in creating beautiful spaces for women to come together, to find sanctuary and soulful connection as often as they need it. She runs in-person and online circles as The Wild Circle, bringing women together for regular moments of ritual, reflection and connection, with a focus on returning to nature and connecting with our inner wildness. She says: "I believe we all need a space that we can rely on, where we can come as we are, and be met in that place. Women are deeply rooted in nature - the more we connect with our wildness, the more we root ourselves to the earth, the more we can truly connect to ourselves and each other." She has a Masters in English and Postmodernism, traveled around the world by herself at age 18, has walked on fire, is a mother of three and lives in the Cotswolds in the UK, with her husband, children, three cats and three chickens. In this episode, Stephanie sits down with Emma Johnson to talk about the challenges of motherhood, loss, and rebuilding oneself. Emma shares her personal experience of going through postnatal depression and anxiety, as well as losing her sister suddenly, and how she found resilience and happiness through the process. Emma also talks about her work with moms who have gone through similar experiences. She shares her perspective on the grief of motherhood and how it can be a process of refining oneself, letting go of certain parts of one's identity, and building a new and better life. The conversation also touches on the concept of "holding space" for others, and how it can be a powerful way to support and protect people as they share their feelings and struggles. Emma explains how it's not about changing or influencing others, but rather creating a safe and non-judgmental environment for them to share and process their thoughts and emotions. Throughout the conversation, Emma emphasizes the importance of self-discovery and self-awareness, and how it can lead to greater happiness and resilience as we age. Emma reflects on how she is happier and more fulfilled now than ever before, and encourages listeners to embrace the aging process and all that it has to offer. Key Takeaways: * Nearly all mothers feel like they have fallen off a cliff after becoming a mother, but it's not talked about. * The process of rebuilding oneself after motherhood and loss is challenging but necessary. * Acknowledging that one's life will never come back in the way it was expected and building a new one can lead to a happier and more fulfilled life. * Taking time to fully grieve and process loss is important for one's mental and emotional well-being. * Holding space means creating a safe and solid environment where people can share their feelings, fears and pain without being judged or influenced. Sponsor The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communication Additional Resources The Wild Circle website
Learning "You're Allowed to Change Your Mind" Before Turning 40
Emily Aborn still has a couple years to go before she turns 40, but she's already thinking about how she wants to celebrate. She's also considering what she wants to accomplish before the big "four-oh" and the time remaining to reach those accomplishments seems to be dwindling at the speed of life. Skydiving is the easy one. Writing a book? Is there still time for that? Emily has already learned that it's ok to change your mind, but she yearns for the "I don't care about your opinion" attitude she sees so many of her older friends enjoying. Guest Bio Emily Aborn is a Content Writer, Podcast Host, and Founder of She Built This, a community for women entrepreneurs and professionals. She's been an entrepreneur since 2014 and has experience in running brick-and-mortar as well as online businesses. She's worked with over 86 different industries and loves helping those with a big mission increase their visibility, connect with their clients, and bring their dreams and visions to life. For fun, Emily enjoys nerdy word games and puzzles, reading, listening to podcasts like they're going outta' style, and tromping about in the woods with her husband, Jason, and their dog, Clyde.Meet Emily Aborn Emily Aborn feels like the countdown to 40 is equally as important as what happens on the other side of 40. At 36, she's already starting to think about how she's going to memorialize her 40th. As someone still facing forty, though, she wonders what's on the "mysterious" other side. She already feels like something is different, but finds it hard to put her finger on it while she's still in the midst of it. In her 20s, Emily was trying to figure out who she was and says she burned A LOT of things down in the process. She says she has had more jobs than rotations around the sun; she thinks the number is 42. After graduating college with a nutrition degree, she jumped from job to job to try to find one that fit. In conjunction with the job changes she moved many times and found herself in "ridiculous amounts of debt for that age." Once, she watched from the window at work as her car was repossessed and towed away. In her late 20s she went to work for a chiropractor who she had worked for right out of college. Emily found it hard to be around the chiropractor because she was such a positive person who was following her dreams and working towards her goals with such clarity. Emily felt so out of alignment with that kind of life. She always knew she wanted to be an entrepreneur and here she was working for one, which made her feel bad about still working for someone else. You Are Allowed to Change Your Mind She and her husband opened a non-toxic mattress store and she ran that for almost five years before she acknowledged that she didn't love it. That's when she realized "you're allowed to change your mind." Emily pivoted and got her real estate license and, while she loved the classes part, she did not love the 'being at the beck and call of the clients' part. She needs more structure in her day. So she started doing marketing for a real estate group, which led to helping someone else with their marketing, and then someone else. Then she honed in tighter and tighter until she realized that the consistent throughline with all her jobs was writing. Now, she just provides marketing writing services for clients. Today, she's put it all together: she owns her own business doing something she feels successful at and satisfied by. She's been on this path for four years now. In addition to the marketing services, she also started a company called She Built This to support women entrepreneurs. What Really Matters At 32, Emily lost a nearly lifelong friend in a tragic accident, which she says aged her. It helped crystalize what mattered in life. She realized she wanted to make an impact on the people around...
Turning 40 and realizing "fine" is a four-letter word
Serban Mare is an immigrant who came to the US from Romania when he was 23 in search of better opportunities and a better life. He did everything he was "supposed to" and then came to understand the meaning of the maxim "be careful what you wish for." In his mid-30s, he described his life using a couple of four letter words: He was FINE. He was LOST. He encountered a concept that sent him down the rabbit hole, reading, listening, learning, experimenting, evolving. Which ultimately led him to say YES to a 40th birthday project that took a year and a half to plan and more than a week to accomplish. Guest Bio Serban is an expert in personal development, self-help, and peak performance. He is a Professional Speaker, Certified CBT Practitioner, and Life Coach. As a Project Manager, Serban learned how to map out steps to escape the typical "work towards retirement life" and has engineered the path to a more authentic, joyful, and fulfilled lifestyle. Serban came to the United States with $200 to call his own and through adversity created a better life for himself and his family. Despite achieving the "American Dream," he realized he craved deeper meaning and fulfillment. After undergoing his own personal transformation, he accumulated an abundance of knowledge which he desires to share with others on how to live a higher quality, passionate, and meaningful life.Commemorating 40 on Mt. Kilimanjaro Serban Mare came to the United States from Romania when he was 23 and looking for better opportunities than he had at home. What he thought would be a relatively short stay has turned into making a life here. Early in the year that he turned 40, Serban was having dinner with a friend who was shortly to turn 50 and their wives. The friend had a plan to do something grandiose for his 50th and Serban wanted to be a part of it. That thing was hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro in Africa. Serban's reaction was: "I'm in. Let's do it." His wife took a couple days to think about the seven-day hike and signed onto the trip four days later. The pact was made a little over a year before they went to the mountain. A lot of the following year was spent finding the right equipment since getting a blister can be what determines success or failure. Serban calls hiking Mt. Kilimanjaro the most memorable thing he's done in his life. The 40 Transition While Serban commemorated his 40th birthday in an uncommon way, he still went through a pretty typical life transition. Serban's vision of a life well lived was to go to college, find a corporate job, get married, have some kids, get a dog and save for retirement. That was the blueprint he followed until he was 35. He and his wife decided not to have children, which, he says, gave them more time to ponder about life. Serban went to lunch with a friend he hadn't seen in a while. The friend asked how he was and he seemed full of genuine interest. So he thought, and answered: career, fine. Relationships, fine. Health, fine. Nothing was great. He realized he felt like he was going around in circles and that's when he wondered if that was it. Was there anything more to life? Or was he just going to go around in circles for the next few decades. His wife sent him to Lewis Howes' podcast, The School of Greatness, and particularly the episode where Les Brown talked about how to defeat a negative mindset. This is where he first encountered the concept of "growth mindset," which led him to Carol Dwek's book, Mindset. This
Turning 40 and Extracting Yourself from an Abusive and Controlling Relationship
Toby Myles described herself as a grown woman when it happened. She was in her mid-30s with a couple of kids. She was a smart, college-educated, middle class woman who found herself in an explosive, abusive and controlling relationship. She wants you to know it can happen to anyone - even smart girls. She shares how that relationship affected her and how she eventually found her way out of it. Guest Bio Toby Myles is a conversion copywriter and owner of Toby Myles Copywriting, specializing in email launch and welcome funnels, sales pages, and website copy and copy coaching for women entrepreneurs and solopreneurs. Toby gets to know her clients' businesses and their customer's pain points so she can write compelling copy that converts to growth, connections, and sales! Toby is a bestselling co-author of Business on Purpose: Inspiring Stories of Women Overcomers who are Changing the World. With over 30 years of experience in marketing and entrepreneurship, Toby has a passion for helping other women grow their audiences and business in a way that feels easy and authentic.Meet Toby Myles Toby Myles married her first husband, who was 10 years her senior, when she was still in college. She thought she was pretty mature for a 20-something but realized upon reflection that she didn't give herself the space in her 20s to learn about herself. Because she was still in college and her husband seemed to have things figured out, she quickly adopted his life goals as her own but that meant she was living somebody else's idea of what life should look like. Several years later, they started a family. First a son and, two years later, a daughter and things started to shift in their relationship, in part due to different ideas of how to raise the kids and what a family should look like. In Toby's family of origin, the parents did things as adults, taking trips without the kids and having date nights. In her husband's family of origin, everything was focused on the kids and the family unit. As the kids got older, they started to struggle. Toby wanted more couple time and her husband wanted more family time. That led Toby to realize that she didn't really know who she was as a person and what she wanted in life. One of the things that held them together was that they had gone into business together; she was a graphic designer and he was an illustrator. They were very compatible in this area of their relationship. When both the marriage and the business ended, Toby was left wondering about her future. Because her now ex-husband seemed like the perfect match on paper, Toby wondered if there would be another relationship. What would that person be like? Because they had seemed like such a good match, she was perplexed and thought "if that's not the person, then maybe there isn't anyone out there for me." Several years later she did meet someone else, though. He was the polar opposite of her first husband and, in Toby's mind, that meant he was the right person for her simply because her husband hadn't been. She thought maybe he was the yin to her yang. The Polar Opposite Toby's new boyfriend seemed concerned about her well-being. He would tell her to call him when she got where she was going. Or ask her questions about her day - where she went, who she talked to. At first, she thought it was sweet that he cared about her so much. But things started to shift. What felt like love became controlling. He started asking how many people she talked to at work on a given day. Then how many men hit on her at work. When she said none, he became accusatory and the conversations would escalate into explosive arguments. Toby thought that this relationship had to work because her marriage didn't. This man had had a challenging childhood, so he had his own issues. She thought if she could just love him enough and show him what a healthy...
Forty Drinks Holiday Update
The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications
Turning 40 and Finding Your Voice
Wize Otero is a fellow podcaster based in Pennsylvania who found his voice - and his life's purpose - when he hit record on his first podcast episode at age 44. Wize faced some really tough stuff in his 30s, and found himself very angry, self medicating and headed down a dark road. But once he accepted that he was angry and that he had no control over these things, he was able to reach out for help and change the course of his life. Guest Bio Born and raised in Brooklyn, but now residing in the Pocono Mountains in Pennsylvania, Wize Otero works at the local casino as a Table Games Dealer for the past 7 years. He started podcasting in 2020 after being furloughed from his job. Since then, he's started a production company, launched an Internet Radio Station and started doing voice over work.Meet Wize Wize Otero had an exceptionally challenging decade in his 30s. At 31, he lost his wife in a tragic car accident. She was the one who had introduced him to self development, including The Secret and Abraham Hicks. He thinks it was her way of preparing him for what was to come. Some months later, he received a Facebook message from his sister, who he hadn't seen since he was a kid, asking him if he was her brother. They reconnected and she flew him to Puerto Rico to reconnect with his dad and two brothers as a Father's Day surprise. Wize made the trip and reconnected with his dad who he hadn't seen in 25 years, plus his two younger brothers. His father died in his sleep the morning after Wize arrived. Then he lost one of those brothers to a drug overdose and one of his brothers on his mom's side to illness. He lost an uncle who helped raise him and an aunt who encouraged his entrepreneurial spirit. It was all too much and Wize started to spiral. He was angry, self-medicating and didn't care about anything. Amidst all this, one day he received a message that said it was time to change his life, so he started reaching out for help and started to build a career. He even joined a dating website. His life started to improve, which he knows came from accepting that he was angry about things he had no control over. He knew the anger was only hurting himself and hindering his growth. This drove him to therapy. He knew that there was no one else in his orbit who had been through what he went through, so there was no advice a friend or family member could give. His situation called for a professional situation where he could share what's going on and not be judged. A friend told him, "it's time," and helped him create a profile on Match.com where he met his now-wife. Stuck in My Mind The pandemic lockdown came with a furlough from his job as a blackjack dealer in a casino. Now that he was home, he went back to an idea he had been tossing around for a couple years: starting a podcast. He had the equipment from an earlier almost-foray and one day he just pressed record. He called it the Stuck in My Mind podcast because he had been stuck in his mind for so long. The day he pressed record and started his podcast, Wize felt like he had finally found his voice. He was 44 years old, furloughed and didn't know what his purpose was. But when he pressed that button, he found he was able to express himself. He found it therapeutic to be able to share what was bothering him. And then he decided to add guests so he could interview and interact with other people. He enjoys talking to people about how they overcame obstacles in their life. He started off rough but kept going, kept building his knowledge and skills. He went from potential guests turning him down because his show was too small to potential guests now reaching out to him to ask to be on the show. One marker of his success was when Bob Doyle, a participant in the movie...
Turning 40 and the Practical Applications of Discomfort
James Wisdom realized at age 40 that he was going to die someday and, while he loved what he did and the life he had built, he felt like he was going through the motions in a lot of ways and doing all the things he was supposed to be doing. So he made some changes and his life looked very different at the end of the year than it did at the beginning, which included changing his career, ending a long-term relationship, changing his friends, and even where he lived and his lifestyle. He talks a lot about discomfort and how it can be a useful feeling, despite how much we all work to avoid it. James uses the language of art and philosophy to reflect on where he's been and where he's going. Guest Bio James Wisdom is a nationally exhibited and world-renowned fine artist, illustrator, and tattooer. James, is currently enjoying a thriving art, illustration, and tattooing practice; he is also an educator, scholar, and author. He received his Bachelor of Fine Arts degree with a specialization in oil painting from the American Academy of Art and his Master of Fine Arts degree in studio arts from the University of Illinois at Urbana-Champaign. In addition to his artistic interests, James has contributed to various publications such as Ninth Letter, Studio Visit Magazine, and he is a contributor to the upcoming Anthology of Hegel's Phenomenology of Spirit (Philosophy Portal, 2022). He hosts a weekly drawing and tattoo-themed stream that can be seen on Reinventing the Tattoo, streamed on YouTube, and Facebook.Meet James Wisdom Forty was a big year of transformation for James Wisdom. He was in a long term relationship, a full time instructor at an art college in Chicago and, though he loved what he did and where he was, he felt like he was going through the motions in many ways. Then came the realization that he was forty and was going to die eventually and that he was doing all the things he thought he was supposed to be doing. He resigned his teaching position and went back to his true love, tattooing. Quitting his job gave James the space to be creative and to build something new, even though he didn't know exactly where he was going. He became more open to friendships than he had been in the past and felt like there was a wide world of opportunity for him to step into. James has a weekly tattoo and drawing themed podcast that streams on YouTube and Facebook in partnership with a tattoo education company. He says he's teaching a lot of the same subjects he taught at the art college, without the barrier of tuition. After years of study and teaching, he developed his own interpretation of the fundamentals and he's presenting that in an accessible way now, which he finds rewarding. He has also separated from his long-time partner and moved out of Chicago. His new tattooing job is in Indianapolis, about a 4 hour drive and a world away culturally from Chicago. Living Intentionally Around the time he turned 40, James began to reflect on who he was and what he was doing. He wondered about destiny. He appreciates where he came from and knows that he wouldn't be where he is now without all of the things that came before. He tries not to live with regrets. He says it's difficult to accept who you are and everything that you're responsible for. He thinks that if you're demonizing yourself or your past, then you're not appreciating the big picture. James is doing his best to accept and be present for the transformation taking place in his life now because, he points out, this part will only happen once in this lifetime. He's optimistic for the future because of the seismic shifts he's already experienced. They've given him a new perspective of what's possible. So rather than regretting past choices, he approaches those reflections with the perspective that he's learned from those experiences and won't make those choices...
Turning 40 and the Powerful Magic of Personal Development
Angie Simmons remembers being happiest around when she was 30. She met and fell in love with someone. They bought a house, got married and had a baby girl they named Summer. Then, on the day after Summer's second birthday, her life imploded when her brother was killed riding his motorcycle to her house. That led to a bunch of dark years where Angie felt stuck in an endless loop of things not going well. A chance Facebook message from an old school friend, and a single audio CD changed her life so much that, 10 years later, when her mom died she was able to process her grief and sadness in a much healthier way. Guest Bio Angie Simmons is a single mum and pet owner who lives in an old mining town called Mansfield in the UK. She is a qualified coach, personal development and mental wellness mentor, author, Inspirational public speaker, and the founder of the Growth Development Foundation. Growth Development Foundation was born after five years of intense inner work, therapy, and study. By turning her mental mess into her message, Angie inspires, empowers, and supports open-minded mission-driven Individuals, who are looking for change but are not sure how. Angie helps them create a life of fulfillment, find their unique power within, improve their mindset and gain more clarity by helping them untangle their internal world so they can expand their external.The Best of Times, The Worst of Times Angie Simmons looks back at the time she was around 30 as the happiest time in her life. She met and fell in love with her brother's best friend. They bought a house, got married and had a baby girl they named Summer. Then, on the day after Summer's second birthday, her life imploded when her brother, who was her best friend, was killed on his motorcycle while he was on his way to her house. She felt guilty because she was the one who introduced him to motorcycles. She started drinking to deal with her grief and, on top of some anti anxiety medication, it numbed her out. For the next two years, Angie tried to stay busy but she never really dealt with her grief - she didn't know how. Then, on Boxing Day in 2009 her husband left and Angie says she hit the self-destruct button. She found herself in significant credit card debt, which made her feel like she had to work all the time to pay the bills. She even started a dog grooming business on the side. But that meant that her daughter was with other people most of the time, either in an after-school program, with one of her grandmothers, an aunt or her dad. And Summer wasn't doing well, either. She was being picked on at school, unhappy, angry, at the bottom of her class. Angie says this went on for what felt like forever. She says it was like a bottomless pit. Every time she clawed her way up a little, she slid back down again. She felt like a failure. The Day Life Changed Angie received a Facebook message from a school friend she hadn't seen in 20 years. They went to get coffee and, when Angie learned she was a therapist, she unloaded. After hearing her whole story, her friend said she might be able to help, but that "help" came in the form of another business - network marketing. Angie was not amused, seeing as she was already on a hamster wheel. The friend gave her a CD and asked her to listen to it on the way home. It was a personal development CD. Angie listened to the CD anytime her hands were busy and her mind started to walk. She listened to it nonstop for six weeks and realized it was starting to make her think differently. Meanwhile, she was exceptionally stressed and struggling with her emotions so she asked her boss for two days off each month. In response, her boss asked how her dog grooming was going. Angie told her it was earning her a couple hundred pounds each month, which was helpful for paying her credit card. The boss said, "Well, you need to...
Turning 40 and Realizing Sometimes Failures are Successes in Disguise
Melissa DaSilva realized she was the only one working towards - or even interested in - the dream life she and her husband talked about. Then came the pandemic and forced togetherness, which made them realize they weren't well suited as partners. So at 39, after 14 years together and 8 married, she asked for a divorce. And while that experience was hard, it allowed her to pursue a life that truly fits her and makes her happy - and one that builds in room for naps, which she considers necessary for her success. And now that she's over 40, she's less concerned about what other people think about her decisions, which she says is so freeing. Guest Bio An Expert in creating authentic lifestyles through unconventional ways of things and developing roadmaps to get there, Mellissa is a sought-after public speaker and educator who leaves her audiences feeling understood, entertained, and inspired to create change. Melissa's success wasn't achieved in the typical sense. Growing up as an artist with a learning disability, she found her unique path for creating wealth and a dream lifestyle while developing programs to address the mental health needs of the LGBTQ+ community and creating physical NFTs that make an impact on our changing world.Career Inspiration Melissa DaSilva was an introverted teenager struggling with mental health issues after her parents' divorce. She credits a school social worker for getting her through high school, so much so that she thought "I wanna grow up and be Tracy someday." She pursued social work in college and graduate school and feels lucky to have been in touch with Mrs. Lamb, her fourth grade teacher through school. As someone who struggled with a learning disability, she struggled with collecting her thoughts and writing papers. Mrs. Lamb graded most of the papers she wrote for her master's program, making sure that they were coherent and well written. Her social work internship was working under Tracy in her old school. After getting her MSW degree, Melissa became a school social worker at a performing arts high school so she could "be somebody else's Tracy." Before long, though, she realized she didn't like working for other people and she knew she needed a schedule that allowed for her to fit in naps, which she says is a part of her constitution. Dating My Best Friend's Brother When she graduated college, Melissa started dating her best friend's brother, which naturally caused some ripples, especially since her best friend said they'd never last. They got married after dating for six years. Her husband was very supportive of her career and her desire to start her own business. They bought a house and Melissa helped to take care of his disabled mother. So now Melissa had a career, a supportive partner, a house, and free time. And, while this is what "everybody says you should want when you grow up," Melissa found herself unfulfilled. "But there was one night I was laying in bed and I just felt so empty." She felt like there must be something missing; this couldn't be "it." Melissa had been vocal about not wanting to live in Rhode Island forever; the winters don't agree with her constitution and the summers aren't long enough. She wanted to figure out how to move somewhere warm, like Puerto Rico, but she realized she was more excited by that dream than he was. Then came the pandemic and, like many other people, they had to spend a lot of time together, which made them realize they probably weren't the best partners even though they loved each other a lot. While they had always been "Team DaSilva," she realized it was more "Team DaSilva but Melissa is pulling a lot of the weight." That opened her eyes to the fact that her husband had been addicted to substances - either marijuana or alcohol - for the entire time they had been together. After her eyes were opened,
Turning 40 and Embracing an Unconventional True Self ✨
Kari Ginsburg used her response to formative experiences in her 20s and 30s to move closer to her true self. Those formative experiences include an emotionally unstable marriage and surviving a brain tumor, not, "I had to work hard for a bad boss," but she did that, too. With every step she took closer to her true self, life got easier. Today, she runs her own executive coaching practice where she ministers to her audience of "glitter bombs." She also has some pretty specific goals she wants to accomplish in her forties that include paying down debt, growing her business and not being an a-hole. Guest Bio Kari nerds out about supporting people through personal or organizational transformation. She is a Professional Certified Coach through the International Coaching Federation and One of the first 500 recipients of the globally-recognized Certified Change Management Professional accreditation. As the HBIC (that's Head Badass In Charge) of Uproar Coaching, LLC, Kari supports women and femme leaders who want to spread out, get loud, and be boss bitches. In her free time, Kari enjoys anything true crime, snuggling with her rescue dogs, and she is losing the battle against the weeds in her garden.Finding Herself in Her 20s Kari Ginsburg graduated college a year early, returned home and took a teaching job, though she had no formal teaching education and a theater degree. She thought a lot about what it meant to be a grownup while still living at home and having no friends. She knew she wanted to do theater professionally and she didn't want to wait tables. She was in a long-distance relationship with someone who was still in college and, truth be told, it wasn't the healthiest relationship. She allowed herself to be made small and shifted into someone she wasn't. She ended up marrying this person when they graduated college and that turned into an emotionally unstable and unhealthy relationship. She moved into a job that she was very good at but didn't love and was feeling unfulfilled in almost every aspect of her life. She felt both stifled and lonely. As an introvert, she doesn't mind being alone, but points out there's a difference between choosing solitude and being in despair. As someone who was raised to be strong and independent, Kari didn't feel comfortable "bothering" anyone with her emotional concerns. She was left to figure things out for herself and it took a long time for her to realize that she deserved better than she was getting in her relationship. Once she made that decision, though, her whole life changed and her career surged. She did do some wrestling with the concept of being a divorcee at the same time she was getting engagement announcements from many of her friends and peers. A few years later Kari 'traded up' and married someone with whom she can be her "weird, strange, loud nerd" self and still be loved and supported. She finally gets to be and to do all of those things that she finds interesting that she's curious about, and is fully supported."Best Case" Brain Tumor When she was 30, Kari started having some bizarre physical symptoms. The right side of her face felt numb and a little tingly. She thought it was related to an emergency double root canal she had recently. She went to the dentist who said it wasn't related, but maybe she should see her PCP about Shingles. The PCP said it wasn't shingles and sent her to a neurologist, who found a brain tumor nestled behind her right ear. She calls her diagnosis the best case of bad luck because the tumor was completely benign, albeit huge. When she had the tumor removed she lost hearing in her right ear and the right side of her face was paralyzed for eight weeks. She worked with an occupational therapist to regain mobility in her face, and only shows evidence of her ordeal when she's tired. In her eight weeks of recovery, Kari had a lot of time
Turning 40 and Kickboxing Her Way Out of Depression on the way to Becoming an Ironman
Elle Nagy was living in a foreign country with small children when she found herself slipping into depression. Several years later, and on the on the brink of suicide, Elle asked the Universe for a sign, which it sent in the form of a kickboxing dojo she had never noticed before. She started that day and the sheer physical exertion of kickboxing lifted her years long depression in mere weeks. And then she became hungry for life. She competed in her first Ironman at age 41 and is known today as the Fear Maven after an encounter with a voice in her head during that race. Guest Bio Elle Nagy is the only self-leadership expert who utilizes an innovative, ground-breaking model for pioneering women around the world who want to stop fearing fear in an age where so many are expending energy around fear instead of legacy. Known as The Fear Maven, she's been selectively working with business leaders described as inclusive, humanitarian, disruptive and energetic. Her work spans 3 decades with professional qualification including BA Psychology, ILS Coaching, Pranic Psychotherapy, Yoga teaching and Personal Training bringing a truly holistic approach to embodiment of greatness potential. In addition to her love for her profession, she's relished the physical exploration of her own potential by participating in numerous cycling races, IronMan events and the illustrious SkyRun. Originally from South Africa, Elle now lives in New Zealand and as always obsesses in all things celebrating the gift of human life today, every day.Early Life was So Easy Elle Nagy was a good girl growing up in South Africa. She got good grades and did all the things that made her parents proud - but not enough to make other people feel bad about themselves. Her childhood was typical and she says she was a little weird, but she always wondered if the stork dropped her off at the right house. She was told she was too loud, too different, "too" many things. So she worked hard, got all A's in school, earned awards and achieved things, but never felt good enough. She says achievement became such a part of her operating system that it was the only thing she knew. It did set her up to do well in adult society…until it didn't. Through her 20s she found life to be easy. She got a job, got promotions, and got a degree. She felt confident and unstoppable. Then, she got pregnant and her world changed. In Afrikaans culture, the next step is marriage, so she married her childhood sweetheart and became a mom - something she never thought she wanted to be. When her second baby was six weeks old, the family moved to Ireland. Elle remembers her 30th birthday: it was pouring rain and she was sitting in a maroon-painted room crying. She remembers thinking she had no idea who she was. She knew she was a wife, a mom and a daughter, but she had no idea who she was on her own, which sent her spiraling down into depression. After several years of being depressed, she became suicidal. She found it difficult to reach out for help. In her family, these things weren't spoken of. One time, she told her mother she thought something was wrong and she thought she was depressed. Her mother told her "women in our family don't get depressed." So Elle thought, oops, sorry, and carried on. Her family eventually moved back to South Africa and Elle didn't feel like she was coping well, with the moves, with her kids, with the deaths of several family members. She remembers sitting in the bathroom one day with a bottle of sleeping pills thinking, "this is it. I'm done." Then she heard her kids' voices and realized that the pills might be an easy out for her, but not for her kids. So she made a doctor's appointment. She told the doctor, "if you don't help me today, I will not see my children tonight." She was diagnosed and put on antidepressants and sent to therapy. It...
Turning 40 and Overcoming Disordered Eating and Exercise to Find Joyful Movement and Food Freedom
Kim Hagle was a stay at home mom to three young kids when she started working out with a personal trainer. She loved how she felt - and looked - and eventually got certified as a trainer herself. But her hobby-turned-career turned into an unhealthy obsession with size and weight. Kim's journey to self acceptance began with the baby she had at 40: a beautiful boy with Down Syndrome who taught her to just be herself. At the age of 42, she overcame disordered eating and exercise habits, and obsessing over her weight and found joyful movement, body acceptance and food freedom. Guest Bio Kim Hagle is Certified Personal Trainer, Registered Holistic Nutritionist, Body Image Coach and founder of Radiant Vitality Wellness. Kim hosts The Joyful Movement Show podcast, where she inspires women to disconnect movement from weight loss and re-engage with movement as a form of self care. Through movement and mindset coaching, she helps women heal their relationship with food and exercise while dis…
Turning 40 and Designing a Life You Don't Need a Break From
Mike Montague has discovered the fountain of youth. After realizing that he had done a lot of things on the "adult checklist" Mike wondered if retirement was the only thing he had to look forward to - after 25 more years of Groundhog Days. He didn't want to sacrifice and grind and hope that it would pay off someday. Instead, he wanted to enjoy the present. After some introspection and a little research, Mike realized that play and being in a playful state is how we can find sustainable happiness and motivation. So why did we stop taking recess after grade school? Guest Bio Mike Montague is the Director of Community Engagement at Sandler. He is also a game show host, public speaker, podcaster, and writer at Playful Humans. He has been a radio DJ, karaoke host, virtual game show host, MC, and DJ for live events including opening for Billy Idol, Frankie Valli, and MC-ed at Toby Keith's Bar & Grill. Playful Humans is a community designed to help the burned-out and bored get re-ener…
Season 1 Recap - Season 2 Preview
Stephanie looks back and distills the lessons from the conversations she had with guests in Season 1 and then looks forward to what's coming up in Season 2. Sponsor The Forty Drinks Podcast is produced and presented by Savoir Faire Marketing/Communications Tell me a fantastic "forty story." Listen, Rate & Subscribe Apple Podcasts Spotify
Turning 40 and Healing from Chronic Illness - Is it Lyme Disease or is it Nanoparticles?
Fiona Thorson started dealing with a variety of apparently unrelated medical issues when she was in her mid-20s. For almost 15 years, she worked with allopathic and holistic doctors, eventually getting diagnosed with Lyme Disease and spending a year so debilitated she couldn't work. She learned to trust herself more than the doctors who couldn't cure her chronic illness and identified three root causes that were preventing her from getting better. Since she started working on those, she's been getting stronger and launched a health and wellness business to help others like her find good health and vitality. Guest Bio On your podcast, Fiona Thorson will share a story that will resonate with listeners who have struggled with chronic illness. One thing we have in common is that we often go unheard or dismissed. People are often told they are not really sick or that they're sick but they have to just live with it, but I don't believe we do. I have a passion – I believe that ever…
Turning Forty after Divorcing an Alcoholic, and How Joyful it is on the Other Side
After focusing on building her career and getting through grad school, Jenny Quartano realized her marriage had deteriorated to the point of no return. And that her husband was an alcoholic who wasn't dealing with his stuff and wasn't getting any better. So she left and struggled through finding her footing again. She started with a familiar coping mechanism, the nightly glass of wine, but found it wasn't really working. So she started doing things that did make her feel better, working her body to physical exhaustion and getting good sleep. She has since rebuilt her life into something that brings her joy on a daily basis. Guest Bio Dr. Quartano spent her 20s and 30s building a strong career and honing her skills as an expert in the field of physical therapy. As she stumbled into her private practice working in client homes, she became acutely aware of just how much the way we live and function each day impacts our lives and health. She dove into learning more about holistic h…
Turning 40 and Becoming an Artist
Joanne Morton declared herself an artist when she turned 40. She spent the summer with a friend in Miami painting, drawing and photographing mangoes that fell from a neighbor's tree into her backyard. She always hesitated to call herself an artist, but here she was spending a month drawing mangoes. Joanne didn't think she could draw, so how could she be an artist? A wise friend of hers told her, "Joanne, you can draw. You just have to accept the way you draw." At 45, she left her apartment of 16 years in New York City to travel the country and begin an interactive community art project, which she's still working on to this day.Guest Bio Joanne Morton is an artist, speaker, event producer, creative expression strategist, and community engagement activist. Originally from the Midwest, Joanne spent many years in New York City until 2010 when she was inspired to become a traveling artist. Joanne uses art, gratitude, laughter, and visualization together to encourage conversation…
Turning 40 and Considering Clutter: Is It Preventing You From Creating the Life You Desire?
As she approached 40, Julie Coraccio realized that her life was probably about half over and she wanted to spend the rest of it following her own path. These thoughts pushed her far enough out of her comfort zone that she started her decluttering and organizing business when she was 40. Julie defines 'clutter' as anything that prevents you from creating the life you choose, deserve and desire. In her view, it could be physical stuff, but could also be outdated thought patterns or emotional blocks. Your messy desk might not just be clutter. It might be a roadblock to a promotion. Guest Bio Julie Coraccio is an award-winning professional life, and end of life, organizer, certified life coach, and professional declutter'er. She is passionate about supporting people in clearing clutter in all areas of their lives; getting organized; and becoming more mindful and aware. She hosts the popular podcast, Clear Your Clutter Inside & Out and is the author of 15 books. Happily married t…
Turning 40 After Losing Dad
Ann Plucinak lost her dad suddenly when she was 38 just as she was leaving a job and she and her husband were relocating to a new city. The holidays came soon after her dad's passing and the job she thought would be easy to find wasn't. This bowlful of ick led to an 18-month period of grief, sadness and depression, which she climbed out of just in time for her 40th birthday, thanks to her work with a great therapist. Today, she's loving that new city, found a great job and, if she wrote a memoir, it would be titled "She Thought She Was Being Funny."Guest Bio Ann Plucinak grew up in Duluth, MN (about 150 miles north of Minneapolis). After college she moved to the northeast and hasn't looked back. Since then she has lived in CT, Long Island NY, NH and now Cleveland, OH. She's been married for 11 years and her husband, James, is pretty awesome. She has two adult stepkids and one spoiled cat named Gary. She works in field Human Resources for a craft company and enjoys spending…
Turning 40 and Exploring Life's Lessons (Including Prince Charming and the 🐉)
When she turned 40, Niki Harris posted to Instagram 40 lessons she learned through her life. She started by saying "Forty is my masterpiece." The lessons included pain from a health issue fueling her purpose but not letting her purpose be rooted in that pain. Niki is a strong woman who found herself feeling invisible inside her marriage and found the courage to take a healing journey, on which she says you either find the person you lost or you create a whole different person. On her journey, she did both. She found the person she lost in order to create the person she wanted to be as she stepped into her future. Guest Bio Niki Harris, also known as Life Coach Niki, has been a Life & Healing Coach for women for over 10 years. She obtained her BA in Psychology and MA in Counseling Psychology, and during her Internship, she had a very insightful epiphany. She realized that most of her clients, which were women, were seeking counseling due to current or unresolved trauma. Experien…
Turning Forty and Rediscovering Your Magic
Mindy Ruddock grew up dancing, earned her bachelor's degree in dance and spent many years as a dance teacher until an injury ended her career. She pivoted and became a licensed massage therapist and an aesthetician and followed what she thought was the logical career path to a leadership position at a school that taught both disciplines. She thought she was doing the right thing but Mindy, who is by nature energetic and outgoing, was becoming 'dulled' and her husband diagnosed that she was completely burned out. Mindy talks about how she worked her way out of burnout and found her magic again. Guest bio Mindy Ruddock is a 42 year old mother, wife, teacher, daughter and finder of magic. Following intuition is something Mindy has always done and it has led her to Wellness Coaching for women. Her passion for wellness and helping others long predates her professional career. Mindy uses the tools she has in her toolbox to help her clients but most of all she teaches her clients to tr…
Turning 40 and Having a Baby on Your Own
As a younger woman, Tara Marsh thought she would be married with two kids by the time she was 30. But she turned 40 and neither of those things were true. She did feel happy most of the time, rich in friendship and surrounded by love. But, she wrote: "the question of having a child is ever present and, whichever path I choose, I want to actively choose it, not have it happen to me because I ran out of time." Turning 40 as a single woman in Manhattan forced her to reckon with some big questions, biggest of all being the baby question. Listen to the episode to find out what she decided. Guest Bio Tara is a 41 year old, dual British/American citizen who has lived in ten different countries and her accent is a consequent bizarre mix of them all. She has an MA in economics from Oxford University, and an MBA from INSEAD in France. By weekday she is a marketing exec for a consulting firm. By weekend she is a yoga teacher, an occasional wine tasting guide (sometimes yoga and wine toget…
Turning Forty and Becoming a Horror Icon
After attending his first horror convention, Lou Avilleira knew he wanted to dress up for the next one. He created a character he called Father Evil for his second "con" and was amazed by the positive feedback he got. So much so that he started attending cons regularly dressed as Father Evil and developed his own cult following among horror fans. Then things got serious. When he turned 40 he gave up his lifelong quest to fit in and decided to stop caring what other people thought. That allowed him to embrace - and become - this character, who is getting close to providing enough income that Lou can give up his day job and become "the Father" full time. Guest Bio Father Evil comes from the creative mind of Lou Avilleira. He first came up with the idea of the Holy Father in 2009 for a Halloween party. He received such positive feedback from his character that he decided to take it a little further. Starting out at Chiller Theatre as one of many costumed horror fans, he soon ros…
Turning Forty with Postpartum Depression, Postpartum Anxiety AND a Midlife Crisis
Brooke Schrader had her first baby four months to the day before her 40th birthday. And five months after her 40th birthday she moved to Arizona with her family for a job. And throughout that year she was suffering from postpartum depression and postpartum anxiety. As someone who dealt with depression and anxiety previously, she anticipated some postpartum issues. But she was caught unaware when the 'baby blues' slipped into something more significant. Plus, her usual coping tools and strategies didn't work with a new baby. Oh, and throw a midlife crisis on top of it all. Forty was a challenging year for Brooke. Guest Bio Brooke was born and raised in New England and currently resides in Gilbert, Arizona. In 2010, she embarked on a new adventure on the west coast. It was there in San Diego that she met her husband Brett. Brett and Brooke got married in 2015 and immediately tried to start a family. Unfortunately, it was not as easy as they had hoped. They were lucky though bec…
Turning Forty as a Recovering Sex and Love Addict
Brianne Davis is a working actress in Hollywood, one of those people you've seen in everything - including shows like Six, Casual, Prom Night, Jarhead, and most recently Lucifer. Two years ago she 'came out' as a sex and love addict in an article for Huffington Post, after 10 years in recovery. She wrote a bestselling novel called "Secret Life of a Hollywood Sex and Love Addict," which is fiction, but it's based on her experience in Hollywood and with a disease that carries stigma and shame, especially for women. She also hosts a podcast called Secret Life on which people share their secrets. Guest Bio From bringing compelling characters to life on screen as an actor, calling the shots behind the scenes as a director and producer, lending her thoughts and opinions to the podcast airwaves, and even penning her debut literary work, Brianne Davis has emerged in the entertainment industry as a powerhouse female creative. Brianne's first break in the business came with a sm…
Turning Forty and Blazing Your Own Path, Mom Edition
Melissa Llarena stepped off the corporate track and became an entrepreneur after becoming a mom and not being able to find adequate childcare. She doesn't feel like a "pure working mom," but she doesn't feel like a stay-at-home mom, either. This "in between" status means she's carving out her own path, which requires energy to create the path, in addition to simply walking it. If there's any "crisis" to Melissa's midlife, it's more answering the question: am I going to do what I thought I was meant to do? Now that she's in her forties - and after a reflective exercise with Post-It Notes that you'll have to listen to understand - she has given herself the permission to execute on who she's always been.Guest Bio Melissa Llarena is a high-performance coach to moms who have chosen the path of entrepreneurship as their best option for being both a fully present parent and an ambitious woman. She is also the host of her own podcast called An Interview With Meli…
Turning Forty, Experiencing a Stress Breakdown, Rebuilding, and Reinventing Yourself
When she was 40, Dr. Gigi Johnson wrote her own job description. It should have been her dream job. She designed it! But she did not ask for enough support, which led to a breakdown at 43 that required her to step away from the center she built. She went on leave and started to focus on taking care of herself. Then came some small creative projects. Then she started her own business and "re-peopled" her life with people who were in alignment with who she was and who she was becoming. It took her a long time to rebuild herself but it set the stage for the next 20 years of her life.Guest Bio Board member, speaker, advisor, technologist, connector, educator, and creator. Dr. Gigi Johnson "connects the digital dots." Currently, she is working with partners to look at managing and learning in virtual and hybrid environments as well as where creative work and systems are going in an AI- and digitally accelerated age. Gigi co-founded the Maremel Institute in 2005 to explore digital…
Turning Forty and Outgrowing Your Passion
Selena Coppock spent 15 years performing stand-up comedy, honing her skills, and appearing at comedy clubs in New York City, arguably one of the worlds' best cities for comedy. And then, shortly before she turned forty, it started to feel like the fun was gone. She wondered if there was anything left for her in comedy. But how do you walk away from a passion that you've spent 15 years working on? The onset of a global pandemic gave her the opportunity to take a break - and to rethink what made her happy. Twenty five year old Selena might think her a nerd, but forty year old Selena is pretty happy with how things are going. Guest Bio Selena Coppock is a standup comedian, writer, author, and storyteller based in NYC. She is the creator and voice of @NYTVows, the parody Twitter and Instagram accounts that lampoon the New York Times Wedding section, the wedding industrial complex, WASPs, and courtship rituals of the rich and insufferable. She is also the creator and host of TWO WICK M…
Turning Forty and the Power of Changing One Thing
Eric Dyment assumed that who he was in his late 30s was who he was going to be for the rest of his life. He thought he would be an eternal bachelor, a teacher with the freedom to travel during vacations. He felt that's how he was perceived by people. He accepted the characterization, even though he wasn't happy about it. But making one change dominoed into changing the course of his entire life. As a student of the "Hero's Journey," he realized all the paths he's followed and "quests" he's faced gave him the confidence to take what he wanted when he found it.Guest Bio Eric Dyment is a native and resident of Concord, New Hampshire. He teaches eighth grade social studies at a public school in his hometown, something he never thought he'd do but finds fulfilling. He is a lover of the outdoors and spends time hiking and mountain biking, though time for those extracurricular pursuits has been limited since getting married, having a baby, and buying a house that came wit…
Turning Forty and Evolving Your Style
For image consultant Susan Osborne, a bizarre urge in her late thirties to buy a pair of old-school Birkenstocks eventually led to a full-scale evolution of how she presents herself to the world - and even where she lives. Returning to the things she loved as a child was key to 'finding herself' again. For 20 years, she has worked with people to uncover their true essence and translate that into a 'style recipe' that allows them to feel great about the way they look. Susan has facilitated all manner of evolution, from normal hormonal transition to something that changes how we live in our bodies. Guest Bio Susan Osborne coaches people to develop their own unique personal brand by claiming a clothing style that feels authentic and builds strategies to create an inspired wardrobe. A teacher at heart, Susan educates people how to get a polished, put-together look by choosing clothing styles and colors that best suit them, their body type, personality, career and lifestyle. Her de…
Turning Forty and Dealing with Grief
Kim Smith felt her 30s were "cursed" after four important people in her life died, and she couldn't wait to turn the page on that decade. She felt called to do what she called "Forty to Forty," posting reflections on Instagram every day for the 40 days before she turned 40. It allowed her to approach her birthday, and the next decade, with anticipation and more positivity than she felt in her 30s. A girls' weekend to celebrate her 40th was a revival for Kim. She left that weekend feeling like a new woman. Like someone who is well on her way to figuring out who she is. Guest bio K. Danielle is a poet, blogger, and children's book author from Mississippi whose love for reading and writing was nurtured by her mom, Zerlin Dean Jones. She began her writing career in 2015 with the publication of Pieces of My Reflection, a collection of poetry that spans over ten years. Shortly after, she founded Peppermint Publishing to publish a series of children's books for young readers…
Turning 40 and the Curse of 'Should'
The last time Jaime Lang remembers being blissfully happy was when she was 27. Things just felt simpler and easier back then. By the time she was in her mid-30s she felt like she had gotten lost. She was overwhelmed by all the "shoulds" she felt she wasn't meeting. So she "accidentally" moved to Florida! By the time she was 40, she felt smarter, and like things rolled off her shoulders more easily. Now, at 45, even though she hasn't achieved everything she wants (who has?), she feels happier and more grounded than she did in her 30s.Guest bio Jaime Lang was born in Maine, moved to New Hampshire for college and lived there for 20 years. She spent a year living just outside of Boston before trading in her snowshoes for flip-flops. What started as a visit to her parents' Snowbird house turned into a decision to relocate, get a new job and begin a new chapter. In Florida she shifted careers, from higher education to recruiting, became a certified advanced scuba diver, took a stab at run…
Turning 40 and the Year of No Fear
Meet Janna Hartley, who celebrated turning forty with a "Year of No Fear," where she addressed, head on, fears she felt were holding her back. She used the milestone birthday to let go of things from her past. To get out of her own way. To move beyond anxieties and fears. She wanted to say YES more. She says she wanted to start experiencing life in a way where she wasn't so conscious of what other people thought about what she was doing. Even at the grocery store, she says, she felt like people were judging her for what was in her cart. No more!Guest bio Creativity comes from all sorts of places. An artistic mind does not have to be the stereotypical hipster, sipping chai in a Brooklyn coffee shop. An artistic mind is not always a tortured soul who suffers for their work. And, most importantly, it is rarely someone who relies solely on instinct, ignoring the untold outlets of inspiration that exist in our world. Janna Hartley is an artistic mind. One that defies labels, challenges…
Introducing the Forty Drinks Podcast
In episode 1 of the Forty Drinks Podcast, host Stephanie McLaughlin introduces herself and sets the stage for upcoming episodes. Stephanie describes the Forty Drinks Project, which is how she celebrated turning forty, and also serves as the jumping off point for the podcast. Instead of having a party to celebrate the milestone birthday, Stephanie had forty drinks with forty people in forty different places and each drink had a thematic connection to her friend or the relationship. What started off as a wacky way to celebrate her birthday, and to extend it into a yearlong adventure, turned into something else along the way. Stephanie McLaughlin was born and raised in Manchester, NH. She fled the little city for a bigger one 50 miles south and spent 12 years living, schooling, working, and socializing in Boston. Stephanie was trained as a journalist but found that her career path led her to public relations and, ultimately, marketing. The schooling was not wasted, though, as her illus…
Welcome To The Forty Drinks Podcast
Here's the first listen at the upcoming Forty Drinks podcast, hosted by Stephanie McLaughlin. Growing out of an outlandish celebration of her own fortieth birthday – and the fallout afterwards – the podcast explores what "the big four oh" means in our modern world.