Andrea McLean shares the one lesson that helped her beat menopause anxiety
The Loose Women star also reveals how she's coping with the physical side of the menopause, from thinning hair to a thickening middle...
By Francesca Rice
Ken McKay/ITV/REX/ShutterstockRex
Andrea McLean reveals how the menopause has affected her life – and her coping strategies. She tells Prima.co.uk:
How the menopause made her anxiety worse and her fail-safe coping mechanism.
Genius beauty tricks to deal with the physical side effects, including thinning hair.
How the menopause has affected her sex life.
The weight changes she's noticed – and her healthy attitude to putting on pounds.
How the Loose Women help each other with invaluable tips and tricks.
As one of ITV's Loose Women, Andrea McLean is used to revealing almost everything about her life. So it's perhaps unsurprising that the 48-year-old has decided to be as honest as possible about one of the biggest changes a woman faces in life: the menopause.
After having a hysterectomy in 2016, the mother-of-two realised just how important it was to start a frank conversation around the menopause and the myriad ways in which it can affect you, both mentally and physically. So she decided to pen a tell-all book about her experiences, Confessions of Menopausal Woman, out now.
How the menopause can affect your mood
Andrea's spoken to Prima.co.uk about the biggest challenges she's faced while going though the menopause, including the crippling anxiety she's managed to overcome and the thinning hair she's learned to disguise.
From her health and diet secrets to the benefits of self-care and even why a little bit of Botox can go a long way, Andrea explains exactly how she's getting through this transformative time in life…
Why have you decided to be so open about your experiences with the menopause?
'It wasn't something that I necessarily wanted to do, but I work on a programme where we're very honest and I felt like I had to tell the truth! After I revealed that I was having a hysterectomy on Loose Women, 10,000 women got in touch within 48 hours. It was mind-blowing.
'I went from thinking it was something really personal to realising there were all these women out there desperate to know that they weren't alone.
'And if someone like me doesn't talk about it, keeps it to myself, then nothing is ever going to change and half the population is going to stay quiet about something that is a massive part of life. So, I decided to be brutally honest about every single bit of it!'
Dave J Hogan / ContributorGetty Images
Were you surprised by how the menopause affected you?
'I was taken aback. After my hysterectomy, I literally fell off a cliff hormonally and everything changed – physically and mentally.
'But it was the mental side of it – the anxiety – that was really difficult. The sweats started kicking in and I had hot flushes in the day, but I was expecting those things. They were difficult, but I was able to get my head around them.
'I've always had anxiety, but it became more constant. It was bigger.'
How have you learned to cope with your menopause anxiety?
'While everything was so imbalanced after my hysterectomy, it was really, really hard. I just had to keep going and ride it out – eventually that happened and things balanced out.
'I was fighting it at first but now realised I've that I just need to accept it. Since I made that change in myself, it's a lot better. Now, when I feel the panic building, I take myself away to have a bit of space, rather than trying to block it out and keep going.
'I fell off a cliff hormonally and everything changed.'
'My biggest advice is don't fight it, just accept that it's happening because anxiety is a huge part of going through the menopause.
'As women, it's in-built in us to try and look like we're coping, like we're doing OK. We're programmed to think we need to be on top of everything and amazing at everything, and be the best wife and the best mum all the time.
'But, actually, taking a moment where you say, "I can't right now" isn't weak, it's really strong. It took me a long time to get my head around that.'
Has your relationship been affected by your menopause anxiety?
'I was in a slightly different position because I met him [her husband of one year, Nick Feeney] while I was going through the menopause, so he doesn't know any different. Bless him, he still came along for the ride! It's his "normal". But I also set the ground rules down right from the start: this is how I am, and this is what I'm going through.
'It actually took a long time for me to relax and think, "It's OK, he's genuinely not just pretending he doesn't mind, he's alright with it all". Now I know he's got my back and that he understands – and that has taken a huge pressure off.
'Men need to be fully on board with what happens to women during the menopause; they can't just sit with their fingers in their ears wishing for it all to blow over or hoping you'll go back to how you were.
'My biggest tip is to sit down with them and explain, "I'm going through the menopause now, and things are going to change".'
Joe Maher / ContributorGetty Images
Has your sex life been affected by the menopause – and do you have any tips for women going through the same thing?
'You're going to have to have a conversation and if you don't, it's never going to work. It might be an uncomfortable one, but you just need to have it.
'Hopefully, you like and love each other enough that you have bit of a laugh about it in the end. And even if your decision is, "You're going to need to give me a bit of time", saying it out loud is a lot better than harbouring a silent, grudging resentment towards someone who doesn't fully understand what they're doing wrong and why you don't want to have sex with them anymore.
'Once everyone understands what's going on, you feel like having it more, because you don't feel so put upon.
'Sex begins in the brain, not down below. If you don't sort that out first, you're never going to feel like doing it.'
Has your self-confidence been affected by the menopause?
'It has. I'm in the public eye so people just expect me to turn up looking shiny and amazing, and clearly I'm not really like that. Trust me, it takes a team of experts to put this together; I don't really look like I do on TV!
'And I want to be honest and open about that, because I owe that to every woman who's going through the same thing.
'Yes, I have a little bit of Botox, and that's it.'
'Yes, I have a little bit of Botox, and that's it – but I have it and that's because otherwise I look angry all the time! Nobody wants that – and I look angry even when I'm not angry and that's because my blooming eyes are going and I'm short-sighted and I can't read what's in front of me so I'm frowning.
'And I wear Spanx to hold everything in, a push-up bra to hold everything up! It's all an illusion, but I want to keep that illusion because I like looking nice.
'I absolutely do not want to look 25. I'll be 50 next year and I just want to look good for my age! That's all. I have no intention of trying to compete with anybody, I just want to feel good.'
Why do you think it's so important for menopausal women to practise self-care?
'One of the first things to happen when you start feeling shocking is you stop caring what you look like. And then you look in the mirror and you feel even worse.
'When I'm at home and feeling rubbish, I don't wash my hair, I don't put makeup on, I wear stinky clothes three days in a row – and sometimes I just have to take myself in hand and go, "Even though nobody's going to see you, for your own sake, wash your hair and put some makeup on". And you instantly feel better because then you see yourself in the mirror and you don't look like an old hag!
'I look ill otherwise – people ask me if I'm alright, and I am, I just haven't got any makeup on. Do it for yourself; you don't have to do it for anyone else. And it does work – you do feel better.'
You've experienced hair thinning hair because of the menopause – how have you coped with that?
'I've been really open about it. People are always saying to me, "Your hair is amazing, it's so thick". But it's not my hair; it's somebody else's! I've got hair extensions, although I'm having them taken out because they're getting on my nerves, so I'll have to go back to clip-ins.
'I've actually always used clip-ins – I've never had great hair – but I parted it on the side a while ago and had a bit of a shock. I just thought, "Wow, it's going thin; that's horrible!" But I just took it on the chin, went and got some more clip-ins and then I had extensions.
'There's always a solution and it doesn't have to be expensive. You can go to any chemist now and buy clip-ins – it not just celebrities using them. In the past, I've actually bought a load of clip-ins, taken them to the hairdressers, put them all in and then they've cut my hair with them in so that it matches. That's literally all you need to do.'
Has your weight changed because of the menopause?
'Yes, I'm definitely running to stand still down now. Before it would be, "Oh I need to lose a few pounds, I'll just watch what I eat for a few days" – well, that doesn't work anymore! And that's really irritating.
'I've definitely got a thicker waist than I ever did – and that's just thickening around the middle – which is just annoying, but it's one of those things. Do I like it? Not really. But I'm fit, I'm well, I'm strong, so I'm in a really, really good position.
Mike Marsland / ContributorGetty Images
'I've also accepted that I'm at an age – and it comes to all of us – where you have to choose: body or face. If I lost loads and loads of weight, I would actually look ill and haggard.
'So I've just had to embrace that I'm a few pounds heavier than I used to be. But I'm still in great shape. I'm not the shape that I was, it's just a different shape, that's all!'
Do you have any diet advice for menopausal women worried about weight gain?
'My advice is don't go on a diet! Diets are all about what you can't have and you feel like a failure if you don't do it right. I think going through the menopause is tough enough without feeling like a failure on top of it. All I would say is think about what you're adding to your diet, rather than what you're taking away. That's such a subtle mind change, and it makes it all more pleasurable.
Foods to choose to ease your menopause symptoms
'Don't sit there thinking, "Oh my god, this is how I've got to eat for the rest of my life. It's just going to be all about oily fish and salad". Because there's more to life than that.
'Just make little changes and eventually they'll become part of your life, and you won't even have to think about them anymore.'
How have you changed the way you eat?
'I eat a lot of fish, a lot of green leafy vegetables and all those things that you should do – and they're just part of my life now.
'But that doesn't mean I don't have a glass of wine at night or crisps. I'm an absolute sucker for Oreo biscuits. And if I want a packet – and I'm not saying one Oreo, I mean an actual packet – then I will eat that packet because life is too short not to. It's just about balance!'
How do you keep fit?
'I do a lot of yoga. Yoga is really, really good for women of my age – and there's a reason why everyone turns to it, because you need to stretch more when you get older, you need to watch your posture and make sure you're engaging your core and holding yourself up straight. Because things are getting a little bit weaker, and you need to keep your yourself strong.
'And I do weight training, too – I haven't done it for a few weeks but I'm going to get back into it again. It's really not as scary as it sounds, just get a few dumbbells to use at home.
'My sister taught me a really good tip – she puts one dumbbell on either side of the loo and, every time she goes, she does some arm raises and then, there you go, job done!'
Can't fit both working AND working out into your week?! #OneArmAtATime #multitasking #multifailing  Keeping it #RealResolutions Post your pic and # to @thegymgroup for a chance to win a year's free gym membership.
A post shared by Andrea McLean (@andreamclean1) on Feb 5, 2018 at 8:25am PST
Do you and the other Loose Women share tips about the menopause?
'Oh God, we talk about absolutely everything! We're very open but it's more about sharing experiences than offering tips. And actually experiences end up becoming tips because you're just talking about what you do and then someone will say, "That's a good idea" or "I didn't know I could do that". Whether it's about clip-in hair or trying HRT or even just eating more salmon and lentils. You take something away from every conversation.'
Andrea McLean's new book, Confessions of a Menopausal Woman, is out now (Bantam Press, RRP: £14.99)
BUY NOW Confessions of a Menopausal Woman by Andrea McLean
Loose Women's Andrea McLean opens up about 'awful' menopause symptoms
Lorraine Kelly reveals menopause anxiety aid
Andrea McLean shares throwback photo with curls
Andrea McLean has a warning for women going through menopause
Andrea McLean opens up about her early menopause
Andrea McLean is going on a very relatable tour!