"We Republicans Do Care"
By Timothy Noah
"We Republicans do [too] care about people that are out of work."
--House Majority Leader Eric Cantor, R.-VA.
When a public library puts up a big sign that says "This library is a drug-free zone," that means people have been sneaking drugs in. When a man says he is so many "years young," that means he's starting to feel old. When a friend asks whether you've lost weight recently that means you're overweight. When your host yawns and says, "Can I get you another drink?" that means it's time to empty your glass and go home. When a restaurant menu says the food there is "home made" that means it came out of a can. When Richard Nixon says "I am not a crook" that means he's a crook. When people say George W. Bush reads a lot of books that means he doesn't read a lot of books. When Newt Gingrich says "frankly" that means he's about to tell a whopper. When Herman Cain says he is an innocent man wrongly accused that means he's a guilty man rightly accused. And when Eric Cantor announces that Republicans care about people who are out of work, that means the GOP is starting to fret about how obvious it is that they don't care at all about people who are out of work.
Timothy Noah