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Dear Coquette
Shady advice from a raging bitch who has no business answering any of these questions.
Fun-Sized
Fun-Sized Advice
Coke, I'm dying to hear your thoughts on the Panama Papers.
I can't wait to see who gets assassinated first.
How do you deal with the psychopaths in you life?
I cut them out. (And yes, that includes family members.)
I think I might actually be a bad person. What now?
Don't act like one.
We dated for three years. We were engaged. I ended it. He got a new girlfriend in a matter of weeks and is still with her months later. Was he a psychopath? How is that emotionally possible?
You may have ended it, but he was done a long time ago. (Don't act so surprised. That's why you ended it in the first place.)
My boyfriend refuses to delete his okcupid account. Why does this bother me?
Because he's going to need it again one day.
I'm haunted by my abortion. I've rationalized it. I've forgiven myself. I can't shake the sadness. Help me.
The rationalization is for your intellect. The forgiveness is for your conscience, but the sadness — the sadness is for your heart. You'll shake it, but in the meantime know that it serves a purpose. You're not haunted. You're grieving, and it's a process. Don't worry. You'll get there.
The only times I feel relief and happiness are when I have a plan to kill myself.
Yeah. That's a thing that happens. The good news is you're still capable of feeling relief and happiness. With some help, you could feel that way without being suicidal. You gotta get some help, though. Don't keep doing this shit on your own. Please.
Are you a pro-porn or anti-porn feminist?
Of course I'm pro-porn. Hell, I'm pro-drug too. (Come on. Just because I point out that something is addictive it doesn't mean I'm against it.)
But can you have a healthy relationship with porn?
Is it possible to walk away from your ego? Just realize that it's a lie and let it go? Just like that.
Yep. Best way to do it, actually.
If a person has to have at least one vice, which is the best to have?
Faithlessness.
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Why faithlessness?
The Coquette says:
A lack of faith is the only vice that I don't consider a character flaw.
But why is faithlessness classified as a vice? Sounds more like a virtue.
That's the thing about vice and sin. They're inherently moralistic concepts, and you don't have to dip down deep until you hit the religious firmament upon which all that shit is based. Faithlessness sounds like a virtue to you and me, but to the faithful, there's no worse vice or sin. That's why I chose it. Like I said, it's the one vice that I don't consider a character flaw, but that's because I'm not religious.
Datdamwuf says:
Had to come to comments for clarification. I thought you meant false, disloyal, traitorous, treacherous, etc. And that didn't make sense at all in light of your previous posts.
VeryOff says:
Wow. "The sadness is for your heart." That's
Brutally poetic.
Mil says:
So you walk away from your ego, but what if in that moment you also happen to walk away from a person you care about, to avoid confrontation. Is that healthy? Or are you supposed to sit through a "fight" and mentally be walking away from your ego during said fight?
If you want to destroy my ego…pull this thread while I walk away…
You're confusing the idea of walking away from your ego with the psychological process of dissociation. The two have nothing in common.
Ack, you're on point as always. You really don't think they have anything common? Couldn't practicing killing my ego allow for healthier coping mechanisms for confrontation?
So who do you think will get assassinated first Coquette ?
Barefootsie says:
I don't know about CQ, but I have a feeling it'll be Putin. At least, that's what I'd like to see happen.
Annille says:
I'm curious to hear your views on how you reconcile being pro-porn with many of the realities of the industry and the effect the treatment of women and the portrayal of their roles in most porn may have on society's view of women, especially in regards to sex. Because I'm pro-porn too, and I used to be very open about it and even argue in favour of it, but lately I'm having trouble reconciling this without resorting to major logical cop-outs.
Rainbowpony says:
Don't pirate porn. So that's one thing you can do.
Strangely Rational says:
It seems to me that porn is more a reflection of the way society views women than it is a contributor to it.
I think it is certainly a reflection but it's possibly a contributor as well. We are social animals and we take cues on how to behave from our surroundings.
Lenny Zyhko says:
Re this: "The only times I feel relief and happiness are when I have a plan to kill myself". I've been there and I've realized it was just that I had a plan and something to look forward to that kept my mind occupied. You can learn to substitute other thoughts for suicidal thoughts. It's just so easy and so inward to plan suicide, and so selfish. You have to look outward instead of inward. Plan on making dinner, plan on painting toenails, plan on living. Life will be over soon enough don't help it along.
I feel like the word "psychopath" gets tossed around an awful lot these days.
You don't know how it's "emotionally possible" for someone to get over you enough to start dating weeks after the breakup? He would have to be mentally ill?
I doubt he's a psychopath, but it sounds like you've got a little narcissistic thing going on. Or just bitter that he found someone else before you did?
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