By tequilashot - Brazil - Porto Alegre
Today, I finally had sex with the man with whom I've been in love for months. Too bad I was too drunk to remember a thing. FML
You're my mommy now
By bronzemedal97 - United States
Today, I was leaning under a counter to get my girlfriend her favorite snack food out of a low cabinet when she decided it would be funny to poke me while I was in an awkward position. I jerked up, rammed my head on the bottom of the counter, and ended up at the ER with staples in my head. FML
By pogodrake - United States
Today, I got a call from the girl I'd really like to date to meet up for drinks. Excited, I walked out my front door, slipped on a patch of ice, and dislocated my shoulder. She won't go out on a date with me now because I "ditched her". FML
By I need cuddles
Today, I realized that the only time my boyfriend is physically affectionate with me is when he wants to have sex. When I suggested we just cuddle, he looked at me and said, "What's the point in that?" FML
Today, I found out I'm starting to get varicose veins, typical in older people who don't move enough. I'm 34 and I get 9 hours of exercise a week. FML
By awkward - United States - Oakland
Today, I was out to dinner with a friend I had a crush on. The whole time, he was flirting with the waitress while I was trying to get him to notice me. When we got the check, he looked at her and said, "She's not my girlfriend, I only go out with pretty girls. So, can I have your number?" FML
By Anonymous - Netherlands
Today, after spending two weeks renovating my room and $1000 on paint and a new floor, my landlord told me that he's sold the house. Also, he was kind enough to inform me that unless I paint the walls back to white, I won't be getting my $500 deposit back. FML
Today, my boyfriend left me for another girl. My dad's reaction to the news and my tears was to say, "Aww. Gonna write a song about it, Taylor Swift?" FML
By Fred - United States - Kingston
Today, I gave my friend condoms since he didn't have any and he was planning on "getting lucky." Little did I know he was planning on "getting lucky" with my sister. FML
By naomids - United States
Today, my mom asked me to help pick out clothes for my grandma to wear in her casket. I didn't know she'd died. FML
By lovegame - Singapore - Singapore
Today, two months after forgiving my girlfriend for breaking my heart by cheating on me, I found out that she's cheating again with the same guy. When I confronted her, she basically said I brought it on myself and that I was an idiot for not dumping her the first time. FML
By Anonymous - United States - Mccomb
Today, my mom found my dad's hidden stash of cigarettes. He told her they were mine and now I have to spend two hours at therapy for my "smoking problem" every weekend. I've never smoked. FML
By ohno. - Canada
Today, at work while washing the dishes I was told to go put some things into the big freezer at the back of the store. While doing so, the door closed behind me, so naturally I pushed it, only to have my wet hands freeze to the door. I yelled to my manager for 10 minutes before help came. FML
By ideserveit - Finland
Today, I was cuddling with my boyfriend after a fight. I told him the reason I was so irritable is because I'm on my period. He yelped in disgust and nearly fell out of bed. Good to know I'm dating a man-child. FML
Today, I was just a few days away from starting the training for my promotion to management, which involved a healthy pay raise and full time benefits. Today, news came down that the company is filing for bankruptcy. FML
By Immature - 10/1/2021 05:01 - United States - Hesperia
You big child
Today, my girlfriend of six years burst into tears and said yes repeatedly when I presented her with a ring. I then had to explain that it was a promise ring, not an engagement ring. She looked me in the eye and dumped me on the spot. Apparently, promise rings are for teenagers, not couples in their 30s. FML
By IHateBagels - United States
Today, I was cutting a bagel, only to slice the back of my hand with the knife. As I grabbed paper towels to clean up the blood, I noticed that the bagel was pre-sliced. FML
By StillBurning
Today, I enjoyed my favourite pizza topped with jalapeños for an extra kick. I later got to feel that kick a second time as I vomited in the middle of the night. Some came out my nose. FML
By itchy itches - 23/8/2020 05:05 - United States
Box of magic
Today, my neighbor brought home a box of kittens he found in the park. Instead of calling animal control, he decided to keep them. Besides the incessant meowing throughout the day and night, a massive horde of fleas decided to migrate through his light sockets and into my nice clean apartment. FML
Slip of the tongue
Today, a few army recruiters came to my school to discuss their jobs with us. When asked to say our name and what we wanted to do when we were older, I said I wanted to be a prosecutor. Everyone started laughing. Turns out everyone thought I said prostitute, including the recruiters. FML
By snoooore - United Kingdom - Gloucester
Today, I discovered I have narcolepsy. During a driving test. FML
By thermos - United States
Today, I had a sexy dream, woke up and started to masturbate quite vigorously. When I finished, I hopped off the top bunk naked to see my brother and his girlfriend laying in the bottom bunk. FML
By Anonymous - New Zealand - Invercargill
Today, during a family reunion, my 89 year-old grandma stood up and drunkenly made a speech about how ashamed I should be of myself for still being single. She then passed out at the table. Half my family got up to help her, the other half whispered in agreement. FML
By Cat - 2/12/2020 08:06
Always call first
Today, I went to visit my aunt who lives 6 hours away from me. Her car was missing from her driveway, but she's unemployed and barely leaves the house. Turns out, she moved in with her new boyfriend and didn't tell anyone, so I had to drive 6 hours back. FML
By noname - France
Today, I went shopping with a friend. She went to try some clothes on and came out to ask for my opinion. "Hell no! That shirt is awful!". She wanted to show me the pants. The shirt was hers. FML
By JBK06262009 - United States
Today, I was informed by my boss that he has been stealing quarters out of my change bowl to pay for his bus rides. He makes six times the amount I make. FML
By ncjarhead - United States
Today, I discovered the same erotic pictures my wife emailed to me while I was deployed were emailed to several other guys by her. FML
By Liz - United States
Today, I had to watch my neighbor's daughter for 10 hours. She wouldn't eat anything I had to offer, so I ordered a pizza for $19 + a $5 tip = $24. Her father came by to pick her up, thanked me, and gave me a $20 bill. I effectively just paid to watch his kid. FML
By saywhat - United States - Yakima
Today, I refused to go down on my boyfriend of 9 months. He then shoved me off the couch and, half crying, yelled that I was the third girl this week to turn him down. After sobbing for a bit, he looked me in the eyes and said, "I need you to do this so I can prove my manhood." FML
By Jonoq - Canada
Stress factor 11
Today, in a 2-hour period at work, I had to talk to the cops, clean up shit and clean up vomit, yet none of these events were related. The worst part is, I work as a lifeguard and none of this is in the job description. FML
By Anonymous - United States - Smithville
Today, I went to my cousin's house. I left my bag on the couch as my aunt instructed, only for my cousin to take it and throw it into the swimming pool. My laptop, textbooks and notes were soaked. My exam is in a week, and my aunt won't punish her perfect little angel. FML
By IGiveUp
Today, at work, I took a call from an angry customer. After listening to his problem and fully explaining how we could fix it, he called me a stupid girl and said I need more training as I obviously know nothing about my job. I'm the company training coordinator. FML
Today, my friends and I saw a movie. We sat in the balcony. Halfway during the movie we heard a commotion, thinking it was a group of unruly teenagers like us, we began to pelt the lower half of the theater with candy. We later learned that it was a man having a heart attack. FML
By smallfrie32
Today, I realized that 95% of my facebook friends added me only because they think my sisters are hot. FML
By anon - United States - Bloomington
Today, as I passed by the window that looks out on to my front yard, I saw a man out there so I ran to the kitchen to call the police. The operator asked me to describe the man. It was then that I realized the mysterious man in my yard was the snowman I built yesterday. FML
By cwhitney7 - United States - Waltham
Today, I decorated my boyfriend's house for Christmas as a surprise, just in time for him and his family to come home. Also just in time for him to tell me he's Jewish. FML
By Avomitmous - United Kingdom - Bournemouth
Today, less than a week after moving in together, I decided to clean out my husband's messy room. In the process, I found a jar containing what appears to be a toenail collection. I don't think I'll ever regain my appetite. FML
By Pattie - United States - San Francisco
Today, I got a Brazilian wax in anticipation of becoming intimate for the first time this weekend with a man I have dated for a few weeks. I'm so sore it hurts just to walk. FML
By FirstKiss - Canada
Today, I had my first kiss at a party. Later, I was told that the guy had been dared to kiss the ugliest girl in the room. FML
By 1940s wants their attitude back - 29/9/2020 20:01 - United States
Thanks ma
Today, I excitedly told my mom how I got accepted to the master's program of my dreams. She decided now would be a good time to proudly repeat for the millionth time how she gave up a full ride to the Ivy League to marry my father, and I ought to be a "good woman" and do the same. FML
By Katrin - Norway
Today, I got into my car after a long shift at work. When I looked in my rear view mirror, a horrifyingly evil face grinned at me from the back window. I leaped out of the car, only to be chased around by two people in clown masks. It turned out to be a prank set up by my co-workers. FML
By Miss_Whipped | 43
#6693022 - Tuesday 20 September 2016 18:45
I want to stay positive, but my fear is that you were doomed from the start, OP. If he was only able to have sex with you while you were drunk, that speaks wonders about the both of you.
Either way, I truly wish you the best of luck and hope that you are able to pursue a relationship with this guy.
By rufus147 | 12
You just have to get back up on that horse ^^
By MyGFisaturd | 23
Hopefully it was good enough for him to go back for seconds! GL Op!
By captain_hero89 | 21
that just means you can have first time sex with him again
GhostFox | 33
If the relationship isn't ruined, by any number of factors like guilt, shame, the extremely questionable consent on both sides, the fact they had to be drunk to have sex....
soulreaper12296 | 28
#6694125 - Thursday 22 September 2016 19:53
Who said anything about them HAVING to be drunk in order to have sex #5?
By superjewguy | 19
too drunk to remember anything, yet you remember it happening......... just saying......
Yudith_fml | 6
Who says she remembers having sex? Maybe she just deducted it from her nakedness, the condom wrapper in the bed and the guy besides her.
By lexiieeex3 | 32
Well hopefully it went well?
By Brain_fart | 19
Ahhh College flashbacks
danm19 | 15
Lol maybe it wasn't a college story
By rldostie | 19
I'm more concerned that the man who you have such a crush on thought it was okay to have sex with a clearly drunk person. Not saying you wouldn't have been okay with it sober, but that says a lot about a person who is willing and wanting to have sex with someone so impaired.
bobsanction | 16
The guy was probably just as drunk as the OP. And drunk people often make poor decisions, as the OP very clearly proves.
vicfirthfan | 11
For all you know the man was even more drunk than she was
Koalabiter | 6
And you assume he made the move because . . .? She's the one that claimed she was in love with him. I guess if two drunk people have sex it must be non-consensual on the guy's part.
GeeThatSucks | 9
I understand that consent gets tricky around alcohol. But saying that drunk people make mistakes and have bad judgement is not acceptable.
The fact is that she was too drunk to consent.
Without knowing how drunk the man was, it's also possible that he was to drunk to consent. That's the best case scenario because it puts them on the same level. But there's the very real possibility that the OP is describing a sex crime here.
#10, ignorance is never a defense. Not knowing that someone else is drunk does not deny the fact that you proceeded in an instance where you could not obtain consent. It is immediately at that point unconsenting sex. There is another word for that.
And "drunk people often make poor decisions, as the OP very clearly did." What poor decisions do you know the OP made? Was it when she got too drunk around someone she thought she could trust? That's literally victim blaming. So tell me. What did the OP do wrong? And use examples here. Because clearly you know something that the rest of us don't. Oh wait, you don't. You don't have any more facts. All you have is bullying someone who has unconsenting sex. Fuck you
By creditless | 14
dunk happens! give it another try OP and this time order lemonade instead of long islands
By BabyCakes818 | 16
Well at least you remembered you had sex with the guy...
By vikky538 | 28
Time for seconds