When we begin to make significant changes in our lives, it's not always everyone's cup of Fanta. Most folks in our lives like us to maintain who we were when we met them or from some vantage point in the past. Some examples from my own:
The 16 year old Christian self who was 'happy,' quiet and classy
The college self who was a 'good clean fun' RA and a sincere voice for Christ
The improv self who was funny, outgoing and always up for a laugh
The bitter girl at work who hated life and didn't know how to get herself out of depression
The magical, sparkling creative muse in a relationship that gives and gives and gives
The baker who annoyingly Type A-ed the hell out of everyone at the bakery
The broken, scared shitless mother with postpartum hypertension
The woman brave enough/evil enough to divorce her husband
The free spirit, spirituality tarot reader who is also getting back into acting because 'Why Not?' and has no clue what life holds
And a million other versions of myself in between... *Cue Taylor Swifts 'Mirrorball* (I can't help myself).
What I find interesting is that each version and time in my history served a purpose-- both for me and the people around me. I have been needed, loved, adored or hated-- whether or not those reasons were healthy. These versions are just someone's perceptions. None of it is grounded in absolute truth, or sometimes even, reality.
I evolved for a reason. I went though what I did for a reason. I've become who I am for a reason. None of these Janets (we're referencing 'The Good Place' now!) are totally and completely real. They're just stamps of who I was at a time or am right now-- ish... Always evolving, growing, on a journey. I thank God for that journey.
But sometimes, sadly, the people in our lives like to stay attached to who we once were. Some want us to stay cynical and depressed. Some can only handle us at our best muse. Take a look at your own life. It's an interesting study, isn't it?
Some probably wish they could hit the pause button, never allowing me to evolve. Some probably miss the 'old Mandi.' Some probably never want to see me again. Ha! (True). Others have me on a pedestal of marble when my own legacy feels more comfortable on a pile of Twizzlers. You can't help how people see you or perceive you. I'm sure I've done the same to others as well.
And what's most amusing is that there's 200 different versions of ourselves walking around right now in the minds of others. I remember making a joke in high school with some girls from my class and having them look at me sideways like 'Okaaaaaay.' (Never spoke up again, by the way). But I also remember my first Groundlings comedy improv class where I said something I thought was funny and people laughed. The realization of knowing who I was and having it validated when others from my past couldn't see it, was a big moment for me. Same with tarot and my intuitive abilities. I know what's real. And thanks to all of it, I've learned to trust my gut.
But guess what? If ever there was a finite list of what people signed up for, you can throw matches to it with your life. Let them call it 'walking away from God' or 'being a cruel bitch' or 'not fun anymore.' What first and foremost matters is how YOU feel about you.
There's big, bold and beautiful transformational energy occurring this month due to the Lion's Gate Portal and the new moon in Leo on 8/8. I highly recommend stepping into everything you've ever wanted to be. Letting go of the old patterns, releasing the past and moving forward into everything that feels true for YOU. Now's the time to let go of the boxes and expectations of others, little lions and lionesses...
At the end of 'Muppets Take Manhattan' (a cinematic gem), Kermit realizes what his musical was missing: 'More dogs and bears and chickens and stuff!!!" And with the happy fervor of a passion filled green frog, I can only PROMISE YOU that I'm only going to get more creative, weird, woo woo, out there, bold, free and wild. If that's not what you signed up for, I get it. Mandi 26.0 may not be everyone's jam and I'm more than happy to send you love and light as we pass like two ships in the night.
But if you're up for even MORE of the recent from me and all of my new adventures (whatever the hell those end up being, lol), stay tuned! There's a new list in town!! Or as this Swifty would say, "I've got a blank space, baby. I'll write your name!" xoxox
The Maiden
'Amandasana' Yoga