Absorbed by Your Significant Other - The Good Men Project
—"My girlfriend is a vegetarian, which pretty much makes me a vegetarian." ~~ Jules Winnfield
When I moved to Iowa, I discovered my now live-in girlfriend Lydia didn't know anything about the National Football League. Iowa has no professional-grade teams, so college dominates their corn-fed sporting consciousness. On the first NFL Sunday of our cohabitation I mentioned I was looking forward to watching football. She was fine with that, so when noon rolled around I fired up the idiot box. Lydia puttered around the condo waiting for it to end, and as the game finished she said with a smile, "Great! Now let's go do something!"
I responded with a hesitant and somewhat confused point to the television, and grunted, "More. Football."
Lydia rolled her eyes and went back to killing time.
When the late game finished, she—slightly frustrated but still in kind spirits—said, "OK, most of the day is gone, but it's still salvageable…"
My darling girlfriend had no clue there was a night game.
Without going into too much detail, yes, the exasperation played out again the next day; "Monday Night Football? When does it end?!"
(Again: Iowa. No professional sports.)
After that initial dive into the deep end of football, a bit of balancing took place. I no longer watch every single game possible, and Lydia has actually come to root for the Green Bay Packers. In short, Lydia and I influenced one another.
That's what I believe relationships are about: influence and enhancement. You change for and with your partner while retaining all the qualities that make you, you. Those intangibles that make you attractive as a person; the reason your mate was interested in you in the first place. It's a tricky balancing act, and not everyone is able to pull it off.
A friend of mine somehow retains her foundation, yet is a chameleon regarding every superficial interest possible. As she flitters between lovers, her activities shift to suit whoever she's with.
"My boyfriend likes hockey, so I love hockey! My new boyfriend hates hockey, so I hate hockey!"
Yet, beneath all the external changes, she remains… her. Most of her interests mould into that of her lover, but not her personality. I think that's fair game. Of course, some people go too far, get too lost in relationships, and lose their identity in the process. Which is sad. When you give up your belief system, the people once closest to you notice.
I have a friend I don't interact much with anymore, someone who got into a relationship with a politically insane person. Where they once spoke rationally, now they spew crazy. My friend internalized their partner's madness and I no longer recognize the person I knew/liked/respected for years. Sad, but I think it is a side effect of desperation. My friend had been through several failed relationships, and despair is a powerful force: "I better be super supportive of this one, and if I don't believe everything my lover does I'll be alone again…" In a relationship, the weaker of the two personalities will always succumb to the stronger.
On the flip side of that example, I have a friend who is a 31-year old virgin. He adamantly opposes changing anything about himself to suit a woman, and states so forcefully: "I will find someone who accepts me as is, and that's all there is to it."
Unfortunately, he's more Steve Buscemi than Brad Pitt, only without Steve Buscemi's unique charm and likability. Because he refuses to put in the most minimal of effort to be interesting to anyone, he remains single. Even better, he sometimes gets angry about being single, blaming the women who don't see him for the magnificent creature he spies when looking in the mirror.
Again, it's about balance. You have to transform while still maintaining your integrity. You can make major changes and retain your inner essence, but only if those changes are positive; change is supposed to be progressive, not regressive.
I'm a walking example of enormous affirmative change. My whole life, I never had an interest in babies or kids. I was beyond vocal with my opinion. Then, my girlfriend put her foot down: if she was to become my wife, we were going to become parents.
I relented, and though it could be labeled as hypocrisy—me flipping on everything I had once stood for—becoming a father didn't alter my personality in any way but positive. In fact, having children has been the most helpful, life-affirming change I have ever undertaken. 99% of my friends recognize and revel in this. Some mock me playfully; others simply take joy in the new-yet-old me. One has even said I flipped him to the dark side. Once as adamantly against children as I was, watching me experience joy—combined with him finding a woman he truly loves—now he says, "I can't wait to be a father."
Change is about meeting in the middle, with occasional trips to the far side of the other when it's important to them. The trick is knowing what is sacrifice, and what is generosity. Becoming a father might look like sacrifice to some on the outside, but to me it was a generous giving of self. Sometimes when you become more like your partner, you lose things you never really needed in the first place.
—This post was previously published on www.nathantimmel.com and is republished here with permission from the author.—
—Photo credit: Istockphoto.com
http://feedproxy.google.com/~r/TheGoodMenProject/~3/tCpBbI0vpaY/
This duffel bag was once issued to the 2019-07-02 06:37:13This duffel isn't just a handsome lookin' fella, it's got quite a resume that should make it an easy sell for anyone who wants a solid travel bag.
Vertex releases a DLC coated version of its 2019-07-02 06:22:21Vertex's recently revived watch lineup grows this summer with a new version of their MP45 chronograph in a DLC-coated case. Just like its silver-case
Feit's new caps keep it low profile and 2019-07-02 06:05:07Feit is updating its range of caps with a soft and breathable organic cotton for the summer. Made in Japan in small quantities, these six-panel baseba
Status combines high-quality audio and an accessible price 2019-07-02 03:00:00Status Audio is launching two new Bluetooth headphones with audiophile-grade sound and a price point that won't do too much damage to your wallet. Th
Blancpain adds a touch of blue to the 2019-07-01 18:15:32Blancpain's contribution to this year's Only Watch auction comes in the form of a throwback to the Fifty Fathoms Barakuda, which has its hands and m
Singer's Track 1 chronograph gets a Damascus steel 2019-07-01 16:41:53Singer Reimagined's Track 1 chronograph is getting a unique case to match its unique movement. The Only Watch edition of the Track 1 will feature a 4
Tudor reveals a Black Bay in ceramic for 2019-07-01 16:17:53Tudor's contribution to the 2019 Only Watch auction is a blacked-out version of their popular Black Bay timepiece. The tonal design swaps out the 41m
Defakto grows its minimalist watch collection with the 2019-07-01 05:43:07Defakto might not be a watch brand that's on your radar, but if you enjoy a good design watch then you definitely should give their collection a look
Jays launches its first pair of true wireless 2019-07-01 03:00:00It looks like there's a bit of a war brewing between audio companies fighting to outdo Apple's AirPods when it comes to battery life. The latest com
Butterscotch LB whips up a limited edition of 2019-07-01 03:00:00Rolling Dub Trio's Stan boot isn't your average pair of Chelseas. Long Beach retailer Butterscotch LB commissioned Rolling Dub Trio to craft an excl
Paul Smith launches a new set of suitcases 2019-07-01 03:00:00Paul Smith and Globe-Trotter strike up a partnership once again with a new set of suitcases inspired by the colors of Smith's signature stripes. Avai
Simon Crompton's Sartorial Travel Guide highlights some of 2019-07-01 03:00:00Author Simon Crompton highlights some of his favorite independent menswear retailers across the globe in a new travel guide for style-conscious jet-se
Men's Journal Latest Health
Joel Kinnaman on His Love of Jiu-Jitsu and 2019-06-26 15:18:04
Easy Being Green: Balance Your Protein With Ora 2019-06-26 14:15:06
This Delicious Juice Cleanse Is Having a BOGO 2019-06-26 13:12:19
We Found the Best Sound Machines for Men 2019-06-25 12:48:53
Buy All-natural Vega Protein and Get A Free 2019-06-24 12:57:02
Get Shredded! Save Big on Protein & Supplements 2019-06-24 12:55:51
Bundle Up and Save On Bulletproof Coffee During 2019-06-21 16:24:12
Listening to Music at Work Can Actually Crush 2019-06-21 12:54:28
Tackling a Hilly Run? Your Brain Will Trick 2019-06-21 12:34:52
Pain-Free HIIT Circuits That Burn Fat, Build Muscle, 2019-06-20 14:46:46
This Symptom Can Be an Important Clue That 2019-06-20 12:24:03
Virtual Races: The Competition Is Simulated, But the 2019-06-19 13:25:26
What My Soul Wants of Me 2019-07-03 14:00:34None of this matters. Except maybe love. The post What My Soul Wants of Me appeared first on The Good Men Project.
10 Year Authentic Business Plan for Semi-Retirement 2019-07-03 13:30:45Creating true freedom by fulfilling your calling. The post 10 Year Authentic Business Plan for Semi-Retirement appeared first on The Good Men Project.
Dunking Over Darwin 2019-07-03 13:00:33Evolution and NBA Free Agency The post Dunking Over Darwin appeared first on The Good Men Project.
Paying Homage to My African American Family 2019-07-03 12:30:29Self-hatred is destroying us. The post Paying Homage to My African American Family appeared first on The Good Men Project.
What Paths Life Takes 2019-07-03 12:00:54Make it happen, let it happen, or somewhere in the middle? The post What Paths Life Takes appeared first on The Good Men Project.
What is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) 2019-07-03 11:30:40How your eye movements can be therapeutic. The post What is Eye Movement Desensitization and Reprocessing (EMDR) Therapy? appeared first on The Good M
Men Need Safe Places To Feel (Angry) 2019-07-03 11:00:46We've only ever seen anger used to hurt people. The post Men Need Safe Places To Feel (Angry) appeared first on The Good Men Project.
Understanding the Signs of Unhappiness 2019-07-03 10:30:32Often unhappiness can be a many-headed beast, perhaps impacting several aspects of your life. The post Understanding the Signs of Unhappiness appeared
Every Day Is Like Sunday 2019-07-03 10:00:09Researchers probably ignore Sundays, preferring to use their professional expertise by predicting election results wrongly instead. The post Every Day
4 Things I Have Discovered About Boys Since 2019-07-03 09:30:05Having a son is really all it's cracked up to be. The post 4 Things I Have Discovered About Boys Since Becoming a Mom to One appeared first on The Go
9 Certain Traits of Untrustworthy People 2019-07-03 09:00:26Trust is the glue of life---the foundational principle that holds all relationships. The post 9 Certain Traits of Untrustworthy People appeared first
Lost Pies and Lost Hope: A Father's Struggle 2019-07-03 08:30:26The world is burned and all that is left is an empty pie tin. The post Lost Pies and Lost Hope: A Father's Struggle appeared first on The Good M
Maxim - The Ultimate Guys
Women Share The Best Things Guys Can Do 2019-07-02 07:30:00Considering the number of dating apps out there, it's clear that there are a lot of first dates going on but more often than not, scoring a second da
Where to Eat, Stay and Play in the 2019-07-02 07:00:00By air and sea, via superyacht, private jet or the more prosaic cruise ship, the number of visitors alighting in the Bahamas is growing at a staggerin
5 Things We Know So Far About HBO's 2019-07-01 15:55:31Game of Thrones is gone, but definitely not forgotten. HBO is already filming one of the prequels in Northern Ireland, and of course that means s
'The Boil Boss' Is The Only Gadget You 2019-07-01 14:57:59Much like barbecue pit masters, seafood boil bosses are a competitive lot--purists who assert they're the kings of the crawfish, shrimp or
Kevin Durant Left Warriors for Nets Because of 2019-07-01 14:41:36Kevin Durant and Kyrie Irving are set to ink massive deals with the beleaguered Brooklyn Nets that could turn turn them into a bonafide NBA contender.
There's Now a Marathon in France Where Runners 2019-07-01 12:56:25If someone just told you there was a country that hosted a marathon featuring hydrating stations stocked with wine and cheese, you'd guess France, ri
Bentley GT Convertible Continental 'Number 1 Edition' Celebrates 2019-07-01 11:40:34Bentley is celebrating its centenary with 100 exclusive droptop Continental GTs that are oozing with supercar style. Maxim recently test drove t
The Taco Bell Pop-Up Hotel Sold Out in 2019-07-01 11:15:35Taco Bell superfans, take note: The fast food chain beloved by stoners and late-night binge eaters alike is launching a Taco Bell-branded ho
How Mercedes-AMG Cigarette Boats Became the Ultimate High-Performance 2019-07-01 08:00:00As the graphite grey Cigarette Racing 41' AMG Carbon Edition pulls away from the dock, captain Bud Lorow engages the engines. Shifting the cente
These Crushable Cocktails Will Liven Up Your Fourth 2019-07-01 07:00:00Summer brings light, bright, refreshing cocktails with ingredients that are are perfect for sipping by the pool, on the deck or anywhere else your cel
UFC's Dana White Confirms Fight Talks Between Justin 2019-06-30 14:07:48Even the fittest men slow down a little in their fifties. Reaction time isn't as good, and injuries don't heal as quickly. So if you're fifty-somet
Quentin Tarantino Goes Back to 1969 in New 2019-06-30 11:19:23Leonardo DiCaprio has an Oscar, never dates supermodels over 25, and he appears to still have all his own hair. He's doing just fine. In the new trai
Real Men Real Style
How To Spot A Liar (Bad Body Language) 2019-06-09 07:55:35The post How To Spot A Liar (Bad Body Language) appeared first on Real Men Real Style. Related posts:Have The Courage To Be The Best Dressed Man In T
10 Rules For Buying A Suit (Men's Suit 2019-06-08 07:55:02The post 10 Rules For Buying A Suit (Men's Suit Buying Guide) appeared first on Real Men Real Style. Related posts:Match Shirts & Neckties
Dads and Grads: The Ultimate RMRS Gift Guide 2019-06-07 07:55:53The post Dads and Grads: The Ultimate RMRS Gift Guide 2019 Edition appeared first on Real Men Real Style. Related posts:Guide to the Suit Jacket Blaz
Going BALD?! 10 Bad Habits That Destroy Your 2019-06-06 07:55:55The post Going BALD?! 10 Bad Habits That Destroy Your Hair (Hair Loss Causes) appeared first on Real Men Real Style. Related posts:Harvey Specter Sui
WWDWWD
J.Hilburn Names New CEO 2019-07-01 19:19:17Dave DeFeo had been ceo of the Worth Collection for over a decade.
Wrangler Introduces Rooted Collection Sourced, Created in America 2019-06-28 11:24:29The line of jeans and T-shirts use cotton grown, milled, cut and sewn in the U.S.
Launchmetrics' Numbers Support Strength of Paris, Italian Men's 2019-06-28 11:04:32The firm analyzed media placements from the spring '19 season.
Ntwrk Receives Funding From Drake, Live Nation 2019-06-27 16:59:55The investment will also fund the launch of Ntwrk Presents, an event franchise.
Montblanc and Bape Team on Accessories Collection 2019-06-27 11:00:28The companies have launched a limited-edition co-branded collection of every day essentials at select Montblanc and Bape stores and online.
Men's Spring 2020 Trend: Hang Loose 2019-06-27 00:01:25Men's designers upped the volume for spring, featuring ponchos, baggy knitwear and looser cuts on suits and trousers in their collections.
Men's Spring 2020 Trend: Graphic Art 2019-06-26 00:01:18For spring, many designers collaborated with artists to create works of art on the men's runways, as bold prints and patterns stole the shows.
Retailers Embrace Feminine Side of Men's Shows in 2019-06-25 01:05:42Dior, Louis Vuitton, Dries Van Noten, Casablanca, Nanushka were labels singled out by buyers.
Men's Spring 2020 Trend: Pastel Path 2019-06-25 00:01:08Pastels made a strong showing on the men's runways in Europe this season. Bright shades shone through in loose tailoring, sportswear and more.
Willie Norris Makes Runway Debut at La Mama 2019-06-24 15:59:23Norris continued to push his pro-queer streetwear aesthetic with workwear-inspired looks made from deadstock fabric and repurposed clothing.
Eric Emanuel Opens First Solo Pop-up in NoLIta 2019-06-21 00:01:51The three-week shop will carry Emanuel's signature mesh basketball shorts and a special Adidas Rivalry sneaker.
Eric Lawrence Debuts Odessa 1919 2019-06-21 00:01:19The former Anger designer has launched his second fashion venture, beginning with sterling silver-detailed Nike Air Force 1s available for preorder.
Add New Disciplines to Your Training, Part 1: 2019-07-01 03:57:48You want to add yoga to your Olympic weightlifting or try martial arts with your powerlifting? Let's see what makes sense. The question will
How to Put Your Body to Use for 2019-06-30 12:32:39People need more physical movement, more time in nature, and more connection. What if living life made you healthy? Just imagine a world where everyda
The Future of Video Replay for Weightlifting 2019-06-27 16:57:02In the IWF rules, four cameras are used, one near each referee and another behind the platform. Over two consecutive weekends in May I was able to of
The Bathroom Break Kettlebell Strength Plan 2019-06-27 14:42:56Following this daily plan, you can make tremendous strength and fitness gains while hardly investing any extra time. I drink a lot of water and coffe
Double Compound Movements 2019-06-27 13:37:52Double compound movements can be combined to create a fast and extremely powerful training effect. The '70s and '80s saw the birth of the
Do You Know What Your Core Really Is 2019-06-27 10:00:00These movement screens will allow you to assess your core stability and conduct core strength tests. See if you know how to use and move your core. &
What Is Functional Training? 2019-06-25 17:15:00Many buzzwords seem to fly around the fitness industry, and "functional" seems to be the most common one. Many buzzwords seem to fly around the fitn
The Secret to Your First Squat is Feeling 2019-06-23 11:22:50Here's where you start to focus on the feeling of a good squat because it's a great feeling. It's all patterns. Learning to squat is learning
Preserve the Habit at All Costs: Why You 2019-06-21 15:36:40Conventional wisdom tells us we shouldn't work out every day, especially early on, but the opposite is actually true. "We are mere bundles of h
Slay the Dragon: Techniques to Conquer Fear 2019-06-20 09:10:48It's about changing your impression of what difficult is, and who you are when you meet it. It's easy to see its green scales when you&rsq
7 Parts of the Body That Need More 2019-06-06 20:10:59Here are seven stretches to do after lifting sessions for the areas of the body we often forget about. The debate about stretching—dynamic versu
The Locomotion Workout 2019-06-06 06:01:45This workout combines normal patterns with movement in order to reveal blind spots and keep passion alive. Training is hard. Even for the most dedicat
Muscle For Life
Bedros Keuilian on How to Turn Adversity Into 2019-06-17 09:00:49If you want to know how to get everything you can out of life with what you've got, you want to listen to this podcast. ..Read the full article
Hafthor "The Mountain" Bjornsson on Life as the 2019-06-14 09:00:56If you want to learn how Hafthor Bjornsson trains, eats, sleeps, and lives to become the World's Strongest Man, you want to listen to this podca
Eric Trexler on How to Minimize Metabolic Adaptation 2019-06-12 09:00:18If you want to know why getting leaner gets more and more difficult the leaner you get, and what to do about it, you want to listen to this episode. .
My Top 3 Takeaways from Brave New World 2019-06-10 09:00:40We need enough people to see the world as it is and not as they wish it were, and that's why I'm recommending you read Brave New World. ..
Legion made the Inc. 5000 List! And Muscle 2019-06-07 09:00:42If you want to know what me and my jolly band of pirates and bums have been up to lately, you want to listen to this episode. ..Read the full article
Muscle For Life Success: Drew M. 2019-06-07 09:00:28Drew lost 28 pounds and 13% body fat in 12 months following my Bigger Leaner Stronger program! ..Read the full article on Muscle for Life The post Mus
Lyle McDonald on How to Recover Faster from 2019-06-05 09:00:24If you want to learn simple and effective strategies for healing injuries faster, you want to listen to this podcast. ..Read the full article on Muscl
T Nation Articles
Tip: Eat More, Train More – The Anabolic 2019-07-02 07:00:00How do you eat for gains without gaining excess fat? Like this.
Primer 52: The Program 2019-07-01 08:00:00Completely reshape your body with this sophisticated and straightforward diet and training plan.
Tip: 40-Plus? Do More Work 2019-07-01 07:00:00Here's why this counterintuitive advice actually makes a lot of sense.
Tip: Bench Like a Beast Without Shoulder Pain 2019-06-30 07:00:00Here are three ways to build upper-body strength without irritating your well-worn shoulder joints.
Tip: Do Tinder and Steroids Go Hand-in-Hand? 2019-06-29 07:00:00A new study found a connection between fans of dating apps and their use of steroids, bodybuilding supplements, and fasting.
The 7 Most Important Lifts 2019-06-28 08:00:00Quick, name the seven most effective exercises. Got it? Now see if your list matches ours.
Tip: Ramping Up the Reverse Hyper 2019-06-28 07:00:00Turn this exercise into an isometric hold for greater strength gains. Here's how.
Worthy vs. Worthless Vitamins: Your Guide 2019-06-27 08:00:00A lot of the most commonly taken vitamins and minerals are a tragic waste of money, but there are a few that you definitely need to take.
Tip: The Athlete's Push-Up 2019-06-27 07:00:00Build starting strength and reactive power with this challenging push-up variation.
9 Underrated Exercises You Need 2019-06-26 08:00:00Stop missing out. Build a leaner, stronger, more jacked physique with this list of underused moves.
Arm Day Annihilation 2019-06-17 08:00:00Sorry, but just doing compound lifts isn't going to grow your arms to their maximal genetic limits. You need an arm day full of supersets. Try these.
Tip: How to Diagnose Your Bench Press Problem 2019-06-17 07:00:00Bench stuck? Here's how to find and fix your sticking points.
FieldandStream.com
A Fishing Adventure with Old Pals on the 2019-07-01 19:00:52A buddy rafting and fishing adventure down the New River.
The 12 Most Classic Lures and Flies for 2019-07-01 14:18:38Twelve of the most effective lures and flies for catching freshwater fish all summer.
Is the Shock Collar on Your Bird Dog 2019-06-28 19:00:32Some dog trainers swear by e-collars while others wouldn't take a case of them for free. Whether or not you choose to use a shock collar is some
Better Than Sunblock: Sun Protection Clothing to Save 2019-06-28 16:36:00If you fish a lot but don't want to deal with the hassle of slathering lotion all over yourself a couple of times a day, consider purchasing clo
The Next Three Things to Buy After You've 2019-06-28 16:10:43Just bought your first fishing kayak? Welcome to a great sport! Catch fish, get exercise, spend more time outside. Just make sure you're safe on
Three Things To Look For In a Fishing 2019-06-28 14:25:00You can fish casually out of just about any kayak, as long as it floats. But if you're serious about catching fish you should consider buying a
Bowhunting Hogs at Night Is the Can't-Miss Hunt 2019-06-28 14:17:40How stage a can't-miss bow hunt for wild hogs at night
Two Reasons You Might Be Missing 2019-06-27 19:00:16Spin drift refers to the tendency of a bullet to drift either left or right, depending on the direction of its rifling twist. Both this and the Coriol
How to Pick The Right Kind of Fishing 2019-06-27 18:05:00Not all fishing lines are the same. Use the wrong kind in the wrong situation and you will find it much harder to catch fish. There are three main typ
Hook Shots: Go Go Team Snakehead (Chapter 1) 2019-06-27 14:33:00No matter how you feel about snakeheads, one cannot deny that the cult of anglers that targets them for sport grows annually. Many of them—inclu
Pennsylvania Grandmother Kills Cobra With a Shovel 2019-06-27 14:00:28Kathy Kehoe, a 73-year-old grandmother and school bus driver from Falls, Pa., was forced to kill a dangerous, exotic snake that is thought to have esc
How Reading Trout Water Can Make You a 2019-06-26 14:03:22Learn how to read trout water like a fishing guide.