How to Pick Her Up Anywhere
Use our expert tips to grab her attention in every situation.
By Sarah Jacobsson Purewal
A good friend of mine, who recently exited a 10-year relationship, caught me off guard with this question: "Seriously—how do I meet women?"
"Um …"
I paused.
What do you say to a guy who's been off the market for 10 years?
"Try uploading a shirtless pic on Tinder?"
He didn't take my advice. Smart guy. But realistically, it doesn't matter if you've been off the market for two weeks or 10 years, because every dating scenario requires a slightly different strategy. Showing off your abs on a dating app is one thing, doffing your shirt in a bar is another. Asking a girl out during the day requires subtlety and finesse, but asking the same girl out at night might call for bolder moves.
Related: 20 Women Reveal the Pick-Up Lines That Actually Worked on Them
Ultimately, says Siggy Flicker, host of VH1's reality matchmaking show Why Am I Still Single?!, dominating the dating scene boils down to a single familiar quality: Confidence. "There is nothing more that a girl likes," she says. "If you don't have it, act like you do."
But that might be easier said than done—and confidence manifests itself in different ways. So while you're working on upping that side of your game, dive in with our tips for scoring in these key environments.
Daylight can be daunting: You can't rely on dim lighting, loud music, or alcohol to mask mistakes. On top of that, most women aren't exactly on the prowl while they're at the grocery store or walking down the street. But that doesn't mean she's not open to a daytime pick-up, assuming your game is tight.
Open with a compliment: Pick-up lines—even playful ones—can come across as too strong for the harsh light of day. Instead, open with a little light praise, Flicker suggests. "You can't go wrong with a sincere, classy compliment," she says. "Tell her you love her shirt or her hairstyle, not her cleavage." Worst-case scenario: She's not interested, and you walk away looking like a really friendly guy.
Don't be afraid of rejection: To quote Wayne Gretzky, you miss 100 percent of the shots you don't take. While hitting on someone in broad daylight in an atypical location is risky, and perhaps the most likely scenario for rejection, trying anyway is great practice—and a solid way to inure yourself against negative outcomes. "Nobody likes rejection, but you can't be afraid of it or you'll never move forward," Flicker says. Besides, you never know when you just might connect with someone.
Office romances are tricky, but that doesn't stop 39 percent of workers from trying them out anyway, according to a recent survey by CareerBuilder.com. And really, the workplace is a great place to meet smart, ambitious women. Catching her eye in a professional setting—without getting slammed with a sexual harassment suit—is easier than you think
Focus on yourself: "In any professional setting, you need to be the guy who stands out," says Grant Cardone, author of If You're Not First, You're Last. "Confidence is, and has been for the last 200 years, what people look for in partners, whether it's the group looking for a leader or a woman looking for a man." Instead of worrying about what she's looking for, focus on leading and dominating in the work place. She'll have no choice but to take notice.
Focus on work: "The office is hard, because you don't want to come across as creepy," Flicker says. "Ask her about a project she's working on. If she engages, she's interested. If she answers—but it's short, or she brushes you off—she's not." Remember: It's better to err on the side of caution when it comes to work. So even if she seems interested, wait until you're both off the clock before you ask her out.
Know when to lay off: "Never try to pick up the wait staff," says psychiatrist and dating expert Scott Carroll. "They're working and are often just being nice because they don't want to get fired. If they're interested in you, they'll go out of their way to let you know." Same goes for sales associates, baristas, bartenders, and customer service reps.
At a club or party
Good news: If she's at a bar, club, or party, she's probably open to—or even looking for—something. "People take more risks at night, so the bar scene is a little easier to navigate," says Flicker. But it can also be more difficult, since she's mentally prepped herself for a long night of getting hit on and subsequently shutting guys down.
Be a magnet: Instead of cornering her at the bar and hitting her with your best line, focus on being the life of the party. "Go with friends, have fun, and talk to everyone around you—girls and guys," says Carroll. "The point is to be cool and fun and never look like you're trying to pick anyone up."
Use your environment: Your surroundings dictate whether you come across as dashing or desperate, says Los Angeles-based marriage and family therapist Allen Wagner. "What's seen as innocent or casual during the daytime, such as taking a walk, can have unintentional implications after dark, when a woman must determine whether it's safe to separate from her crew," Wagner explains. "For example, you can be bolder at a house party, because it's a closed event."
Thirty-eight percent of "single and looking" adults have used an online dating website or app, according to the latest numbers from Pew Research. To grab her attention online, whether it's on Match.com or Twitter, you'll need to brush up your profile.
Upgrade your pic: "People are basically window shopping online," Flicker says. "Your picture is the most important thing. You should look likeable, approachable, and a little humble—shirtless pics and selfies look too vain." Unless you happen to have a six-pack: According to research from OkCupid, guys showing off fit bodies receive more messages than guys who cover up. Other pic tips: Don't smile, don't look directly at the camera, and show off more than just your face. Flicker says body shots (not necessarily shirtless ones) get 216 percent more hits.
Keep it simple: Show off your confidence with a short, simple, to-the-point profile and a strong desire to meet in person. "Say what you do for work, what you do in your free time, and what you're looking for," Flicker says. "That's it. No personal information or page-long biographies."
Meet offline: You can't hide behind your screen forever—successful online dating goes hand-in-hand with meeting in real-life. "If you don't meet in the first two or three weeks, you're wasting your time," Flicker says. She suggests a casual meet-up—drinks, not dinner—so you can gauge your chemistry.
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It's a serious game changer.