Debra She Who Seeks December 8, 2013 at 12:42 PM
Using respectful speech about other people is common courtesy, not "being bullied." But it IS bullying to continue the use of disrespectful speech about others even when told why it's disrespectful.
LL Cool Joe December 8, 2013 at 1:25 PM
Actually I'm always careful not to discuss my sexual orientation. People think they know, but actually they don't. If they think I'm one way, I could be the other. Or both, or neither. It's none of anyone's business. I don't see what it has to do with me as a person, and actually I don't really understand why celebs feel they have to come out either. I know often it's to support other gays, and that's great, but not if they feel pressured into it.
But then to be honest, people's sex lives don't interest me at all. I'm not into porn, either reading it, or watching. I feel passionate about other stuff.
Debra: I agree in principle with your first point, but there is a fine line that I've seen crossed on a daily/weekly basis where it becomes bullying.
Basically, I try to tweak my speaking to whom I'm talking to, which because of where I work (the guv'ment) is an absolute necessity.
Joe: I would never ask someone what their orientation is because it is the absolute height of crassness. Having said that, I was goaded into it once by a co-worker many decades ago and it cost me in more ways than you can imagine.
I think sometimes some come out just to get their name in the news. I don't have less respect for them if they come out, but honestly, why should it matter?
Sparkling Red December 8, 2013 at 8:18 PM
I sometimes feel that language is a minefield. I would always prefer to use terms that the people around me will be comfortable with, rather than offended, but sometimes I can't guess which term that is. Some of my darker-skinned friends refer to themselves as black, and some as brown. African-Canadian doesn't seem to be a widely used term, despite the popularity of African-American. It can be a little awkward, but I just always hope that whoever I'm talking to gets that my heart is in the right place.
G. B. Miller December 9, 2013 at 6:20 AM
S.R.: To this day, I have not used the term 'African-American' while speaking. I always use the term 'Black' when I'm talking about Black people. 'African-American' has been used since the mid 90's, when being a hyphenated American was all the rage.
Overall though, I try to size up the situation I'm in when I speak. Less aggravation, less fuss and less stress in the long run when I apply self-censorship to my speech, which is unfortunate.
A Beer For The Shower December 9, 2013 at 11:05 AM
How I use my words just depends on the people I'm with and their particular sensitivity. My brother-in-law is gay, and he doesn't care about PC words. Like, his drag queen friends always call themselves 'trannies' and their female friends are lovingly called 'fag hags.' But some people think those words are hurtful. Just depends on who you're talking to and how sensitive they are. I don't like to censor myself, but I don't want to come across as rude/hateful either.
ABFtS: Exactly.
Over the years, I've learned to tweak my language based on the situation that I'm in. What may sound inoffensive to you and I winds up be the complete opposite to others who may eavesdrop.
Riot Kitty December 9, 2013 at 7:48 PM
The redskins and other mascots bother me, having that part of my family history. But even if I was not Native American, I think it would still bother me because, frankly, it's unacceptable to make a caricature of any other minority. Can you imagine the shitstorm if a football team used a Sambo image for instance?
We had a whole debate about language at a panel I was on, because in the mental health community we are always fighting about whether it's mental illness, or mental health challenges, etc., and what to call people living with diagnoses. So I said, "How about just calling us people?"
I don't like it when people are overly PC but the last thing I want to do is hurt anyone, and labels can be hurtful. But then, I don't see people as one thing or another, I generally just see them as "George" or "Jill."
M: Strangely enough, the discussion I'm having with the post on FB is about my dislike of the phrase "African American" and the issue of why I use "husband" and "wife" for straight married couples and "significant others" when describing married gay couples and/or single straight and gay people.
Having said that, I agree labels can be hurtful, but only if you let the label be hurtful. One can either rise above the label and be whatever they want to be, or one can waste energy letting people know it hurts.
I think the most difficult thing you can do is to develop a thick skin when it comes to labels and/or PC speech.
Lynn December 10, 2013 at 6:45 AM
I agree with you about the attention paid to people "coming out" - it's a big deal to some people, but never to me.
G. B. Miller December 10, 2013 at 5:42 PM
Lynn: I could never understand that. Back in the day, when a celeb came out, it was a very big deal. Nowadays, it's just "eh".