Sex Love
10 Ways You're Preventing Guys from Approaching You
Recently, at a wedding, I witnessed a dance floor with a friend who is an ecologist. In the middle of this dance floor, a girl approached a guy, legs slightly spread, while slapping her thighs with the back of her hands while looking him...
By Rich Santos
Recently, at a wedding, I witnessed a dance floor with a friend who is an ecologist. In the middle of this dance floor, a girl approached a guy, legs slightly spread, while slapping her thighs with the back of her hands while looking him in the eye (opens in new tab).
My ecologist friend, in his "Darwinian" mindset, jokingly exclaimed: "Oh wow, she's presenting!" (opens in new tab)
You don't have to emulate an Animal Planet mating documentary to get a guy to approach you when you're out, but body language is important. You have to give a guy an opening, and make yourself available (opens in new tab).
I want my approach to appear to be well-timed (opens in new tab), and I don't like it when I feel like I'm interrupting. Sometimes the situation lends itself to an approach: there's something extraordinary to talk about, or we just bump into each other (opens in new tab). Pay attention to your actions when you're out. If you want guys to approach you, are you making it easy on them — are you "available"?
Some girls might want the guy to "work" as part of the approach, but for every one of you who makes it tough for a guy to approach, there are women who make it easier to approach that a guy might go for instead.
Here are a few things women do that prevent guys from approaching them:
Lots of Friends
When girls are in a group, I know that I'm going to be "evaluated" as soon as I walk away (opens in new tab). It's tough enough to walk up to one girl, let alone a group.
If she's super-hot (opens in new tab), sometimes I assume I have no chance or I'm just plain intimidated. Most guys will give it the old college try though. This, by the way, is the best reason for your ego why guys aren't approaching: "I'm just so hot I'm intimidating." (opens in new tab)
UNATTRACTIVE APPEARANCE
Dancing on Tables (aka Super-Drunk Girl)
One night, we were out and a girl intermittently stood up on the seat of her booth and did stripper-type dances. The guys in the bar looked, but never approached. It's tough to approach a whirling dervish and no one could take her seriously (opens in new tab). And sometimes the "too drunk" girl gets approached by guys who are interested in one thing only.
Looking Sloppy
I don't usually approach girls who don't look stylish and put together (opens in new tab). Now, if you want to keep guys away from you, doing the "celeb in public homeless look" (opens in new tab) might be a good strategy.
Looking Angry/Snobby
Smiling and eye contact is inviting, while anger, and looking like you're too good for everyone, drives people away. Try to give off positive vibes, and more people will approach.
With a Guy in Any Capacity
You appear to be taken if you arrive with guys, or meet guys while you're out. Guys have no way of knowing if you're "with" a guy (opens in new tab). Some guys might ask, but some might just move on to someone who looks more available.
Now I'll admit that I'm clueless, even for a guy. I'm not sure about the wedding ring/engagement rules (opens in new tab): which hand/finger gets the ring? I know one has a big diamond, and one looks like a simple ring. But unmarried women wear all sorts of rings. Your ring that looks like a wedding ring might be keeping guys away (opens in new tab) (or maybe stupid guys like me, which is probably a good thing).
It's easier to approach a girl who looks bored, like she wants someone to talk to. In a café, if she's reading a book, or has her face in her laptop, I assume she's busy and doesn't want to deal with my stupid pick-up attempt (opens in new tab). In a bar, if she seems content doing whatever she's doing, I won't want to interrupt.
Tough to Catch
I've devised strategic plans to make a move, waiting for a girl to go to the bar, or bathroom. But when she finally gets up she walks too fast, or takes "bodyguards" (tons of friends) with her (opens in new tab). Bottom line, some women just don't give that opening physically for the approach. Remember, your migratory patterns might be exactly what that guy is waiting for, so be on the lookout when you're on the move.
Room Positioning
If you're in the corner all night, or buried behind chairs and tables, you not only cut yourself off from the rest of the world, but some guys don't want to slalom obstacles to get to you (opens in new tab). If you want guys to approach you, you might want to move or try out some other spots.
Do you agree with my list above? What actions do you think deter guys from approaching you? What actions make a guy tough to approach?
Follow me on Twitter:twitter.com/richravens (opens in new tab)
Rich Santos
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