Valentine's let down
By Loveless - 18/02/2021 07:02
Today, I spent Valentine's Day with my crush. Not as a romantic thing, though. Instead, she invited me to spend the weekend at her house with her whole family for her sister's birthday party. Not the kind of invitation I had in mind, but thanks anyway. At least chocolate won't let me down. FML
Lunar-Spice tells us more.
Lunar-Spice 11
Wednesday 17 February 2021 19:57
Hey, OP here! So, to explain, I've been really good friends with this girl for a while. She came out to me about six months ago, and I, in turn, came out to her. We had been dancing around topics like relationships and crushes for a long time. We've kind of flirted in the past, especially during game nights when we would play Truth Or Dare with two other close friends. We don't choose each other's truths or dares; we use an app that comes up with everything. So we have kissed in the past and sat on each other's laps, but I still didn't know how she truly felt about me. After reading some of your comments (21 and 30) who assured me that inviting me to her house was indeed a good sign, I decided to bite the bullet and confess to her. Actually, to be honest, I started by saying "I like you" and couldn't quite get the rest out. She had to make sure I meant in a romantic way. Super awkward, but we pushed past it. And to comment 22, you can go suck a lemon. She actually DOES feel the same way about me. I know, shocking. That's actually never happened before; I usually get rejected, so I couldn't quite process what was happening. And yes, she's known about my ENORMOUS crush for a while now, but for some reason didn't bring it up. It was actually comment 5 that gave me the final push to ask her. I had never heard about The Problem With Lesbian Sheep, so I had to look it up, but I am very grateful that I did. I think it was the visualization of the sheep that spurred me on. We had a movie night last night. She's a big fan of horror movies, so she popped the popcorn and I supplied the movie. I'm not sure where we'll go from here, but it's looking good guys!
Love Birthday
Admit you're shit
Ant life
By LIFT - 23/07/2020 08:01
Today, my boyfriend accused me of cheating on him and talking to other guys in a Facebook group that's literally called, "A group where we all pretend to be ants in a colony." When I showed him what it really was, he dumped me for participating in something he said was so stupid. FML
Today, against my advice, my boyfriend decided to read Fifty Shades of Grey in an attempt to learn how to please me in bed. Now all he does is suck on my toes, and thinks it's weird that I don't spontaneously orgasm as if I'm some kind of nymphomaniacal weirdo. FML
By Anonymous - 11/12/2015 19:16 - United States - Mount Vernon
Today, I had my first job interview in months. The guy chuckled mockingly at my master's degree in philosophy and wound up admitting that he had no idea why I'd even been selected to be interviewed. FML
By matchristityler - 09/02/2010 08:19 - United States
Today, my son pooped in his diaper and managed to somehow take it off without my knowledge. He then sat down on the carpet and imitated a dog with worms, all the way down the hallway, through the living room, and into my bedroom. FML
By kermudgen - 06/12/2010 05:00 - United States
Today, I was directing a video shoot of a big Christmas show with 750 people attending. After the first half of the show recorded; during intermission, I accidentally deleted the show as people were signing up to buy the DVD. FML
By Shamu - 14/02/2009 00:15 - United States
Today, I was talking to my parents about feeling insecure with my "beach body" as Spring Break keeps getting closer and closer. My dad warned me by saying, "Don't wear a gray swimsuit. People will try to roll you back into the ocean". FML
Today, my wife demanded that I cut all ties with my best friend, just because she doesn't like the jokes he tells. Now she's bitching that she's upset because his wife, who she works with, is talking about her. FML
Today, I was sitting in my room while my mom was talking to my uncle. I had my door open. She said "Yeah my son doesn't know I have his phone password. Girls nowadays are real sluts." FML
By Ash - 27/05/2009 03:08 - United States
Today, I saw this tourist almost get hit by a cab. After he walked away I complained to my boyfriend about how idiotic people like him just deserve to die. After 5 blocks of my ranting the tourist turns around and says "I'm right in front of you bitch." I hid behind my laughing boyfriend. FML
By Stephy - 22/07/2021 11:01
Today, my boyfriend broke up with me. Trying to be the bigger person, I told him, "Your loss, not mine." He responded with, "I didn't lose anything really. You let yourself go. Have you looked in the mirror lately?" FML
By nevergonnatrust - 18/11/2010 09:23
Today, I found out that while I see a therapist for my trust issues, my husband sleeps with our nanny. FML
By missy - 10/04/2009 08:17 - Italy
Today, I was riding on a stationary exercise bike at home, when I went to get off, my shorts got stuck under the seat. I dangled half upside down until my shorts ripped and I fell on the ground face first breaking my front tooth. I broke my tooth riding a bike that doesn't even move. FML
Spider-Maaaaaaan
By 8 Legs plus 1 - 08/05/2020 14:00 - United Kingdom
Today, my girlfriend and I were getting frisky. She went to the bathroom momentarily, only to be greeted by a 'huge' spider, which disappeared under a cabinet. Due to her chronic arachnophobia, this instantly turned her off and caused her paranoia all night. I essentially got cock-blocked by a spider. FML
By Username - 15/05/2011 06:42 - United States
Today, while driving my new car, a squirrel ran in front of me so I slammed on my brakes. The person behind me didn't notice and rear-ended me. The squirrel got hit by a car going the opposite direction. FML
Today, I spent two hours making a cake that I'd promised my class for weeks. I boarded the train to school, but soon dozed off. A few minutes later, I awoke with a start and noticed a chunk of the cake missing and a homeless man next to me with frosting around his mouth. FML
By Nathan - 17/01/2009 22:31 - United States
Today, I printed my 10 page econometrics problem set questions out on $15/100 sheet ivory resume paper that I'd accidentally left in the paper tray on my printer. It turned out to be the wrong assignment. FML
By brodinn - 11/04/2014 13:48 - United States - Florence
Today, I watched a drunk guy getting thrown out of a bar, then get tased on the sidewalk outside. He was our designated driver. FML
By Rabite - 13/09/2016 11:22 - Germany
Today, I was on a business trip with a co-worker. We had to wait for the train, so I decided to browse a store in the train station while he waited outside. I then got a message on my cell phone, from my co-worker saying, "You are somewhere on this train, right?" FML
By actor my ass - 21/01/2012 22:44 - Canada
Today, trying to be romantic, I invited my girlfriend over to watch a movie. I said she could pick one up on the way, and I'd pay for it later. I ended up having to suffer through some "movie" that involved nothing but Nicolas Cage gurning like a stroke victim between crappy fight scenes. FML
Today, I got diarrhea while on a trip with my daughters. At our third stop, I had to sit in the stall listening to my 5 year-old informing everyone who came in that "mommy is stopping at EVERY bathroom to poop." FML
Today, I overheard my mum tell my sister that she should make me a bridesmaid at her wedding. My sister scoffed, "She looks like Shamu, mum. I can't have THAT in my wedding pics." followed by laughter and my mum saying, "Touché." FML
By Single Again - 07/03/2020 06:11
Today, my best friend called me to cancel our mall plans. I could hear that she was watching a movie in the background. I then called my boyfriend to see if he was busy, and I could hear the same movie in the background. FML
By igotsbadluck - 17/07/2013 21:44 - United States - Smyrna
Today, while walking into a hotel room, I passed by a full-sized mirror. My reflection scared me so badly that I punched the mirror, which then shattered and resulted in several cuts to my hand. FML
By thisrllysucks - 05/09/2009 14:16 - United States
Today, I was going to ask this girl I love to homecoming. I set up a scavenger hunt, and my friend led her through it. At the end of the scavenger hunt I had a note that said, "Homecoming?" She said yes and hugged my friend. When I told her it was me who was asking, she laughed and said no. FML
By thatsnice - 09/12/2014 21:19 - United States - Warwick
Today, I confessed to my roommate of 4 years that I'm in love with her. Her response? Sticking her tongue out at me and blowing a raspberry. FML
By worksucker - 05/07/2011 05:34 - United States
Today, 30 minutes before I was supposed to quit work at 6pm, my boss showed up. After telling him how the day went, he asked why I was still there. Apparently, for the holiday, we close early. 4 hours earlier. FML
By Anonymous - 23/10/2009 15:15 - Netherlands
Today, my old highschool math teacher called me, asking me to please stop calling him at 2AM every weekend. Turns out my best friend uses my cellphone to call his number every time she's drunk, and declares her eternal love to him. FML
By wtf - 30/05/2012 21:34 - United Kingdom - Staines
Today, I met up with my dad after having worked abroad for the past six months. Apparently, during that time he's had a mid-life crisis or been snorting a few too many turds, because he's now some sort of hippie calling himself "Memnoch of Pleiades". FML
Today, I took my son to festival at a local church. He had a Nerf gun as part of his costume, but when I set it down to put something in my bag, someone walked off with it. We can't even go to a church function without running into thieves. FML
By Mal2222 - 12/02/2009 06:13 - United States
Today, at work, a man walked up the escalator with his chubby kid next to him and asked me where the shoe section was. I said, "For you or your son?" He said, "For my daughter." FML
By powsser - 11/03/2009 13:38 - United States
Today, my roommate got mad at me for putting away the tampons that were sitting on her desk. She rebelled by hanging hundreds of tampons dyed red from every surface in our dorm room. I discovered this while giving my mom her first tour of the place. FML
Today, my girlfriend had a huge fight with me because while I'm trying to gain weight and she's trying to lose some, I've still lost more weight than her. Not my fault my body's natural preference is to drop pounds like they're hot. FML
By friendless - 06/08/2019 00:01
Today, the reason I'd rather elope with my fiancée than have a wedding is because I have no friends. FML
By anon13 - 12/04/2009 04:27 - United States
Today, at a family Seder, (a Jewish service for Passover), my mom served matzah balls during the festive meal. Considering how much I love matzah balls and there aren't many options for me to eat because I'm a vegetarian, I shouted, "I like really big balls!" in front of my entire family. FML
Today, my mom went to grab my sheets off my bed. I said that I would do it, to which she responded, "Calm down, it's not like I've never seen 'spludge' before." FML
Today, my 16-year-old cousin told me she was "late." When I asked if she could be pregnant, she said no, because, "you can't get pregnant the first time you have sex." I ended up having to give her the sex talk. FML
By qourt - 14/02/2019 15:34 - United States
Today, my stomach growled so loud in class that a boy sitting next to me thought his phone had vibrated. FML
By yeetyeet - 09/03/2019 22:00 - United States - Whitehall
Today, we were taking a bio quiz and I understood the subject, so the people sitting behind me asked me to help them out. Being a kind fellow classmate, I did. When the teacher got suspicious, she asked the class, "How are all of you getting the same answers?" everyone pointed directly at me. FML
Welcome to the Splash Zone!
By Vomitoid - 07/02/2018 01:30
Today, we had a test in history. My best friend, who was sitting right behind me, had forgotten about it and put his finger in his throat to vomit. It sprayed all over his desk, his pants, and the entirety of my back. FML
By supervisor - 06/11/2009 03:43 - United States
Today, at work I wrote up my boyfriend (whom I've been secretly dating, because I'm his supervisor) for being $40 short on his register. Our policy is to write up anyone short over $10. He got mad and told my boss we're dating, and I was instantly fired. Then I got dumped for being a "tattle-tale". FML
refticon 30
Monday 15 February 2021 14:03
First to ever vote and comment on a FML! Seeing as you've spent the weekend there, she obviously means to go further with you, most solid relationships start from friendships and not from 1 time flings.
Bogrbon 24
So it says your gender is female (which is sometimes dubious on FML), but assuming that's true, do you know if your crush is interested in women? This seems like something a friend might do as well, and if she's straight, and you're crushing on her, it's probably not going to end up a happily ever after. If you know she's a lesbian or bi, and she knows you are too, her inviting you on a family outing like this is actually a pretty good sign. (Same thing too if you're a man and she's straight and FML just mi-s-gendered you.)
Blimix 7
You're really lucky to have her as such a close friend, then. Crushes vanish (with or without relationships). Count your blessings. (Also, if she returns your interest, you may be encountering "The Problem of Lesbian Sheep," where each of you is hoping the other will make a move. The solution should be obvious, if scary.)
J15237 25
You turn her down and move on man. She clearly doesn't like you romantically. Move on and go find somebody who does. Seriously though the entire weekend? You are so far stuck in the friends zone it's embarrassing.
Allie614032 34
Tuesday 16 February 2021 22:59
"Poor me, my crush invited me to spend the whole weekend with her AND make a good impression on her family!" >:(
Thursday 18 February 2021 7:36
Glad to hear it worked out!
Jon Tessler 12
Thursday 18 February 2021 17:08
congrats. I hope this relationship works out for you, and you have a happy future together
Woohoo! I'm thrilled to have helped. Best wishes to both of you!
rainbowdonnareed 18
Wednesday 14 April 2021 22:36
Go slow! I had a few relationships before I met my wife. She was my best friend first and still is 10 years later