Gautam unravelled further…
Chapter 17 (Gautam's POV)
Gautam banged the door shut as he entered his bungalow. He didn't intend to but he had hurt Preeti… again. She felt like his…whore? His chest had tightened and he had felt someone holding his heart tightly and squeezing it over and over again all through his ride back here from the parlour. But she was right…she deserved answers. But how could he? He was caught badly… he was this fly caught in the intricate web of deceit and betrayal. He feared she would be damaged too if she got wind of his reality. He had warned her in Mumbai itself not to come back here but that stupid Rewa must have insisted. He couldn't blame her either. She had sounded frantic on phone once when she had called him. She had said something about not wanting to marry him…about having someone else in her life. But that day he had just spent a beautiful night with Preeti and couldn't focus on anything else. He had only known about Rewa because his mother had informed him about her. That he was supposed to marry her. He had shoved the matter under the carpet. He didn't know Rewa would send the SOS out for Preeti.
He had reached Alwar and met Rewa in their house during the Shree Ganesh puja for fixing the alliance. He had assured her he too wasn't interested in the marriage. He wanted to fix things for everyone. He had devised a scheme which could create a win- win situation for everyone and he could return to Preeti as fast as possible. Every single day… even a moment without her was like a piece of his soul was being chipped away…
His loyal security person cum driver Bhim Singh had managed the execution of his plan so far so well. He wanted to send him to Mumbai to keep an eye on Preeti. Somehow even now after over twelve years he wasn't comfortable not knowing about her, not keeping tabs on her. No… he wasn't a stalker. Actually Bhim Singh and he had tried a lot to connect the dots about that incident but there were pieces missing. Bhim Singh was ex-army and was with him for last six years. He had known about the incident since he was a local then. But he too had doubts about the authenticity of the story in the papers. Gautam still had a feeling Preeti was not completely out of danger. He had taken care of the monster but what about the actual perpetrator…he had never found out.
Everything was going as scheduled. The engagement was held as planned and Rewa was only too happy to play along his scheme. His 'mother' was satisfied as well and didn't suspect a thing. He hadn't revealed anything to his sister Narmada. She was in the first trimester of her pregnancy and he didn't want her to be stressed. But he wasn't prepared for his little vixen… the love of his life Preeti to reach Bhivadi. For once he was caught like a deer in headlights. He hadn't known how to react. Rewa wasn't aware of things between Preeti and him.
In fact no one was. He didn't have anyone in his life with whom he could share anything. The only time he had a feel of normal life was when his mentor had permitted him to actually attend school instead of the homeschooling lessons they received. He wanted him to see the world but not reveal anything about his life. The local government school had taken him in. Directly in the 8th grade. No questions asked. He had then learnt money could achieve anything. But he had loved going to school. He had loved meeting people though he wouldn't speak with anyone. The fear of his Mentor and his lashings had been ingrained deeply in his mind. He excelled in studies. His mentor had always said he had a powerful brain. He loved competing in athletic events and most of all he loved being with his only friend…his best pal, Tanveer Raisingh. What initially had begun as the athletic track rivalry had blossomed into a beautiful friendship. Tanveer and he were inseparable. He secretly visited Tanveer's home without informing his mentor and was surprised to see the bond which the family members shared. He had been envious of his friend. He cherished the time he spent with the Raisinghs.
But his life had always been fucked up from the go. Lady luck had been his permanent nemesis. She couldn't tolerate anything remotely sane in his life. Three years flew and he finished his 10th grade. As per the promise to his mentor he had to severe ties with everyone and get back to working with the organisation. He had Tanveer's contact number when he transferred. He wanted to cling to the one relationship in his life which had shown him what normal meant. So he would often call Tanveer. He would chat simple nothings. Just hearing Tanveer voice would be the flicker of light in his dark life. But again that was not to be. Tanvee's father was promoted as the ACP of the area and Tanveer too had the niche towards following his father's footsteps. He couldn't let them doubt him. So he had severed all contacts with Tanveer…
He had heard Tanveer was one of the inspectors assigned to investigate the incident twelve years ago. He had always known that there was no perfect crime but he was the best in what he did. He always covered his tracks well. The trail had run cold eventually. His mentor had taught him well. His mentor was a bastard of the top degree but he had given him a few skills for survival. His mentor had said libido interfered in the job at hand and to strictly avoid the fairer sex. If one knew Romila Devi, Gautam understood his mentor's aversion to women. He had introduced him to the world of BDSM… that had given his restless scattered energy some kind of convergence. He needed his sessions after his Jobs… The mentor's son was never interested and preferred live warm flesh to the cold feel of the red room. But Gautam took to the lifestyle like fish to water. His mentor had taught him the lesson of 'punishment'…self-punishment. He had said it was important to self-punish if you make a mistake… In the last twelve years he had made quite a few mistakes and he had self-punished himself. Not surprisingly most of his punishments came up in the last few days that he had known Preeti…
The secret red rooms in his bungalows too were reserved for self-punishments. His mentor had ingrained another important lesson in his mind. This was twelve years ago after everything was done and he was leaving the organisation. His mentor knew everything… about his feelings for the badly injured young girl in the hospital who had caught his fantasy. The mentor was drunk over his son's death and had said, "if a girl understands your crap and sticks through your mistakes, and trusts you in spite of everything, she is definitely a keeper. But its obvious…YOU DON'T DESERVE HER…"
Even today when Preeti had reiterated that she loved him he remembered his mentor's lesson from that day. He couldn't stay away from her once she was in Bhivadi. He should have let her misunderstand and hate him but realised he couldn't tolerate that either. So he had gotten her here in his house through Rewa indirectly. He had seen her enter the bungalow and he didn't know what came over him he had dragged her into the closet. Their coupling left him wanting more every single time. He knew she felt the same for him… He arranged a small dinner date for her. He had a perennial hard on for her that day. Their love making that night had broken down his emotional barriers… But the next morning had brought theirown challenges. He knew his housekeeper passed on information to his 'mother' so had to get Preeti out of his room. It pained him to see her shocked and hurt. But he had no choice.
In spite of his precautions, his 'mother' must have known something was up. Last night he had met up with her for dinner. Like always, their meeting always filled him with anguish. She held his reins tightly in her hands and her only condition to release him and grant him his wish was the Gagorn fort. Though he had assured her he was on track towards achieving the goal, she wasn't pleased. She thrived in agonising him… in driving a knife through his heart and twisting it.
When he had left her house, it was well past midnight and he was extremely restless… he had never felt so low in his life and he knew only one person had it in her to keep him sane. He had rushed to her house and it was easy for someone trained like him to escape security, scamper the walls and reach her room. She had been surprised but not scared… as if she was expecting him. He had only wanted to be next to her and feel her presence but one thing had led to the other and he had had the best climax of his life… He had realised with an alarm that he was losing self-restraint with Preeti around. No…he couldn't lose control. He had survived all his life because of his strong will and domineering spirit… And then she had said she loved him…
He had abruptly left her.
He wanted to make up for her distress and had arranged another of his fantasies… massage. He had longed to do that for her to relax her. He knew she was under terrible stress… He was well read about the oils used. He even had his way with her, which in turn had further relaxed him but he hadn't been prepared for her outburst… At that time he only wanted to tell his mother to go to hell and leave Alwar with Preeti. Unfortunately he couldn't do it at this juncture…He was fucking 44 years old and still couldn't escape his dark life…
It was true… Preeti didn't deserve his darkness… His heart splintered….
As he walked towards his red room in his bungalow his mentor's voice boomed in his head…
'Self-punishment is important…'
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extended epilogue…