5 Orgasm Myths That Are Just Not True At All
Make sure these common misconceptions aren't chasing away your elusive O.
By Anna Borges
If you had to put your relationship status with orgasms on Facebook, admit it: It would probably say: It's complicated. Sometimes, you wind up sighing in frustration that you just can't finish, and others, the big O sneaks up when you least expect it. Orgasms are elusive enough without having to cut through the myths—and when it comes to climaxes, there are a lot of them floating around. Read through these common misconceptions so you can ditch them and get on your way to your best possible sex life.
MYTH #1: You Need Clitoral Stimulation to Orgasm
The clitoris has developed a reputation for being the Holy Grail of orgasm methods, and for good reason. It's an incredible sensitivity center with more nerve endings than anywhere else in the body. But just because the clitoris can lead to some toe-curling climaxes doesn't mean there aren't other ways to get there. The female orgasm comes in various shapes and sizes, like clitoral, vaginal (often with the help of the highly debated G-spot), and blended (a super-intense combination of the two). There's even a tantric-inspired full-body orgasm and nipplegasms(yep, those exist). Find out how to achieve all different orgasms.
MYTH #2: Simultaneous Orgasms Are the Norm
We don't blame you if you imagine the wegasm—a.k.a. the simultaneous orgasm—occurring in a fit of loud, romantic passion, a sure sign that you and your partner are in total sexual sync. After all, that's pretty much all you see in the movies. In reality, simultaneous orgasms aren't as common—and they don't come from the stars aligning, says Debby Herbenick, Ph.D., associate professor at Indiana University and author of the upcoming book The Coregasm Workout. "It's usually more about one person doing everything they can to hold off a little more and then to come." If that sounds like your thing, find out how to have a wegasm. If not, no worries—coming separately is just as good.
MYTH #3: Men Can't Have Multiple Orgasms
Chances are, a partner or a guy friend has joked to you about how lucky women are because they're the only ones capable of multiple orgasms. Well, that depends on what they consider multiple orgasms. It's true that men have physical limitations when it comes to ejaculation, but that doesn't mean he can't experience repeated peaks of arousal just like you can. The trick is to bring him this close to climaxing before easing off—the ensuing pleasurable contractions are like an orgasm, sans ejaculation. Plus, some men with a shorter refractory period can go again after a relatively short time-out (during which they can be focusing on pleasing you).
MORE: How to Have Multiple Orgasms
MYTH #4: It's Your Partner's Fault if You're Not Having an Orgasm
All right, it might be tempting to pin your lack of orgasm on an unskilled partner, but the truth of the matter is, you're just as responsible as he is. Given that masturbating is the easiest way to reach orgasm for women, you're the expert on what pushes you over the edge, so don't be afraid to help him out if he's not getting it on the first try. Sex is a shared experience, says Herbenick, so ditch the blame, learn what you like, practice talking about it, and make sure to ask what he likes, too.
MYTH #5: It's Not Great Sex if You Don't Have an Orgasm
Contrary to popular belief, having an orgasm is not the universal sign for epic sex. Plus, focusing too much on your finish can make you miss the pleasurable valleys and peaks along the way—and it may even stop you from reaching it altogether. If you're too busy putting pressure on yourself mid-act to have an orgasm, how are you ever going to let go enough to get there? Forget about orgasms, and find out how to have amazing sex whether or not you cross the finish line.
MORE: 10 Ways to Have Better, Stronger Orgasms
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