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Fresh from the Inbox
Author Topic: Fresh from the Inbox (Read 487043 times)
Re: Fresh from the Inbox
Reputation: -3
Well, whatever nevermind
A priest and a rabbi were sitting next to each other on an airplane.
After a while, the priest turned to the rabbi and asked, 'Is it still a requirement of your faith that you not eat pork?'
The rabbi responded, 'Yes, that is still one of our laws.'
The priest then asked, 'Have you ever eaten pork?'
To which the rabbi replied, 'Yes, on one occasion I did succumb to temptation and tasted a ham sandwich.'
The priest nodded in understanding and went on with his reading.
A while later, the rabbi spoke up and asked the priest, 'Father, is it still a requirement of your church that you remain celibate?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, that is still very much a part of our faith.'
The rabbi then asked him, 'Father, have you ever fallen to the temptations of the flesh?'
The priest replied, 'Yes, rabbi, on one occasion I was weak and broke with my faith.'
The rabbi nodded understandingly and remained silent, thinking, for about five minutes.
Finally, the rabbi said, 'Beats the heck out of a ham sandwich, doesn't it?
"Poor Old fool," I thought as I watched an old man fish in a puddle outside a pub.
So I invited the old man inside for a drink. As we sipped our whiskeys, I thought I'd humor the old man and asked,
"So how many have you caught today?"
The old man replied, "You're the eighth."
Quote from: Steve on October 25, 2018, 04:06:12 PM
Darwins Selection
I mostly despair
Affs?
An old man got on the packed bus this morning and shouted,
"I can't believe not even one of you bastards are offering me their seat!"
I thought I'm not standing for that.
I've just opened the first day on My Dianne Abbott Advent Calendar.
My Wife laughed when I said,
"I still had a body of an 18 year old."
Until she checked the Freezer.
Two 70 year old men, Mike and Joe, have been friends all of their lives. When it's clear that Joe is dying, Mike visits him every day.
One day Mike says, "Joe, we both loved football all our lives, and we played football on Saturdays together for so many years. Please do me one favour, when you get to Heaven, somehow you must let me know if there's football there."
Joe looks up at Mike from his death bed," Mike, you've been my best friend for many years. If it's at all possible, I'll do this favour for you. Shortly after that, Joe sadly passes on.
At midnight a couple of nights later, Mike is awakened from a sound sleep by a blinding flash of white light and a voice calling out to him, "Mike--Mike."
"Who is it? asks Mike sitting up suddenly. "Who is it?"
"Mike--it's me, Joe."
"You're not Joe. Joe just died!"
"I'm telling you, it's me, Joe," insists the voice."
"Joe! Where are you?"
"In heaven", replies Joe. "I have some really good news and a little bad news."
"Tell me the good news first," says Mike.
"The good news," Joe says," is that there's football in heaven. Better yet, all of our old friends who died before us are here, too. Better than that, we're all young again. Better still, it's always spring time and it never rains or snows. Our wives are there too, and young and pretty as ever! And best of all, we can play football all we want, and we never get tired!!"
That's fantastic," says Mike. "It's beyond my wildest dreams! So what's the bad news?
"You're in the team for this Saturday".
Quote from: Steve on October 29, 2018, 08:08:46 AM
Reputation: -115
https://www.facebook.com/100007723746053/videos/2165851390348965/?t=35
Warning: May contain Skub
Cat sitter extraordinaire
Semi-professional crocodile