Transitioning from Surviving to Thriving in Life
More specifically and accurately: transforming from surviving alcoholism in one's childhood to thriving in one's adult life.
Somewhere in between completely forgetting about one's past because you can't change it and completely reliving it so that it immobilizes you for the rest of your life is the Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) program with its 'Big Red Book.' Inside that 'Big Red Book,' early on in that book, on Page 'x' you will find "The Laundry List," the 14 Traits of an "Adult Child." (Source: Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA.)) This term "Adult Child" refers to people that are now adults but as children grew up in alcoholic homes like me. I am an Adult Child too.
"Adult Child" also means that when confronted, we regress to a stage in our childhood per founder Tony A. This generally is not good and limits our enjoyment of life on life's terms. But when honestly accepted and worked through via the Twelve Steps this is a really good thing. It brings a full life of peace, joy and freedom completely into play for anyone impacted by the disease of alcoholism as a child.
We can literally transform our perspectives, our attitudes, our behavior, our lives… ourselves into our True Self while still maintaining that special Eternal Child Within. That is what I am working on and will continue to work on through ACA and an umbrella TROML program. Inspiration springs forth from overcoming challenges in life and it can come from you too without a doubt, absolutely, positively without a doubt. First you will inspire yourself with your God's help and then you will go on to inspire other people living out your life's innate design.
Here is "The Laundry List" and the 14 Traits of an "Adult Child." (Source: Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA.))
If you identify with them maybe you are an Adult Child too. If so, that realization and the subsequent opportunity could be the biggest gift God has presented to you in your life. But you have to do the work, no matter how painful at first. ACA and TROML are programs of action, not merely intellectual pursuits. I know as a child I was always trying to figure it out in my head. How could I make everything okay? I literally thought I could grow up to be president, fix everything and make all the pain in myself and others throughout the world go away. Looking back that was when I started acquiring and using the 14 Traits to survive my childhood.
I chose to let the disease of alcoholism impact me in adverse ways. Of course I could rationalize that away that I was only a kid and how unfair it is to put a kid in that situation. We do what we do to survive anything in life, don't we? But the reality was that kid grew up, at least age-wise, into an adult and was in denial that using these same traits that enabled me to survive in childhood were no longer serving me well as an adult. I needed to not only understand what happened and how I coped but learn new behaviors to thrive as an adult.
More will be written later on this transformation in ACA and TROML. For now, here is "The Laundry List" and the 14 Traits of an "Adult Child." (Source: Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA.))
Are you an "Adult Child" too?
1. We became isolated and afraid of people and authority figures.
2. We became approval seekers and lost our identity in the process.
3. We are frightened by angry people and any personal criticism.
4. We either became alcoholics, marry them or both, or find another compulsive personality such as a workaholic to fulfill our sick abandonment needs.
5. We live from the viewpoint of victims and are attracted by that weakness in our love and friendship relationships.
6. We have an overdeveloped sense of responsibility, and it is easier for us to be concerned with others rather than ourselves; this enables us not to look too closely at our own faults, etc.
7. We get guilt feelings when we stand up for ourselves instead of giving in to others.
8. We became addicted to excitement.
9. We confuse love with pity and tend to "love" people we can "pity" and "rescue."
10. We have "stuffed" our feelings from our traumatic childhoods and have lost the ability to feel or express our feelings because it hurts so much (Denial).
11. We judge ourselves harshly and have a very low sense of self-esteem.
12. We are dependent personalities who are terrified of abandonment and will do anything to hold on to a relationship in order not to experience painful abandonment feelings, which we received from living with sick people who were never there emotionally for us.
13. Alcoholism is a family disease; we became para-alcoholics and took on the characteristics of that disease even though we did not pick up any drink.
14. Para-alcoholics are reactors rather than actors.
CLICK here for more information from the Adult Children of Alcoholics (ACA) website.
Attending your first ACA meeting is the gateway to changing your life!
Your Personal Revivalist,
Filed Under: Sources of Inspiration