Sex-Love-Life
Buying My First Vibrator Was The Most Empowering Thing I've Ever Done
Sandra Rose Salathe
Everything We Know About GLOW Season 3
Every Single Red Flag Luke Has Shown on The Bachelorette This Season
Welcome Back to Hawkins
Oooh, True Blood's Newest Guest Star Is H-O-T. Who Agrees?
True Blood always has a large cast of characters and guest stars who stay around for entire seasons (or more), but OMG I'm especially excited to see Elliot Stabler I mean, Christopher Meloni, arrive on the scene. I've told you before that he's Lindsey's celeb crush, and after last night, I see what she's saying...
But we'll get back to Stabler in a moment. As per usual, the million plus story lines in this week's over-the-top, action-packed episode are hard to keep up with. But never fear—I've recapped and organized the Bon Temps happenings just for you!
The (Vampire) Babysitter's Club
You know, I really think I'm going to like this Tara-is-a-vampire-now storyline. Vampire Tara is cray—she's like a feral wildcat—and it's so much fun watching Sookie and Lafayette try to deal (no thanks to Pam, who bolted as soon as the sun went down).
Speaking of Pam, we FINALLY get a glimpse this episode of her former pre-vampire life—as a high-class prostitute in 1905 San Francisco. Since the show started, I've been insanely curious about how Eric and Pam met, so this was such a treat. Of course, a dapper looking Northman comes and saves her from a would-be rapist. Eric notices she's not afraid of the dead body, she says something sassy, and the rest is history.
Law and Order: Special Vampires Unit
Bill, Eric, and Eric's incesty sister Nora are caught trying to escape by the Authority and taken to some kind of vampire Guantanamo Bay to be tortured into telling the truth. They all stay mum despite UV light torture and a weird baby-eating cell mate. Eventually they're taken in front of the council, and we meet THE Elliot Stabler Christopher Meloni. He is intimidating as always and lookin' mighty fine—I can't wait to see more of him this season.
There's also a lot of talk about the vampire bible, Lilith (the first vampire, ever), and whether or not humans' only purpose is to be vampire food. Long story short, Christopher Meloni wants there to be co-existence between vamps and humans, and he sees Bill and Eric as screw-ups. He's about to sentence them when Bill offers a trade—their lives for Russell Edgington, who has returned. Dun dun dun...
The wolf pack isn't happy with Alcide—he killed their packmaster and isn't taking on his duties as the new head. To make matters worse, he refuses to eat the dead guy... wait, um, what? I'm still not 100 percent sure why they were eating the old packmaster, or how Alcide got the new gig, but as long as I get to see Alcide's abs at some point, I'll go with it.
Luna thinks it's as weird as I do (the eating the dead guy thing) and refuses to let her dead ex's mom see her daughter Emma. Wolf Grandma argues that the girl will need a pack when she starts becoming a werewolf. Sam agrees with the werewolf, which pisses Luna off. She bans him from the house, only to find out later that night that Emma is already well on her way to turning. Yikes, puberty is hard.
Other notes of interest:
-WTF WHY WAS TERRY STANDING OVER ARLENE ALL CREEPY-LIKE?! I don't like Terry having a dark past and doing crazy things like push Arlene after a PTSD-haze. More than anyone else on the show, I want their relationship to be happy! Luckily, she says she's not going anywhere (or letting him lose his mind).
-Jason and Andy's man-to-man chat was hilar: "Jason, I had sex." "Welcome to the club!" "It's not the first time!"
-Also, mad props to Andy for not taking the V he finds in Debbie's abandoned car. Looks like he's finally getting clean.
-Tee hee, Jessica called Steve Newlin's teeth a "fang boner."
-So glad to see Jessica kick those boring college kids out. That looked like the lamest party ever.
Best line of the episode: This week's award goes to Maxine, Hoyt's mama. After pretend screaming at Jason and kicking him out of her house for hurting Hoyt, she whispers, "Thank you for breaking up Hoyt and that red-headed slut. I'm gonna bake you a pie!"
OK, now it's your turn to tell me what you thought of the episode! Which story are you most excited to see play out next week?!
More True Blood...
OMG, That True Blood Premiere Was Insane!
True Blood Sex Tips You Can Use Even If You're Not a Vampire
Another Charlaine Harris Novel TV Show Is Coming Your Way!
Photo: HBO
Topicschristopher melonitrue bloodtv