James Marsden Reveals Porn Star Past In Fictional Funny Or Die Interview & Here's 7 Ways I Would Have Reacted To The Confession — VIDEO
By Anna Klassen
Being an entertainment journalist who occasionally does on camera interviews, Funny or Die's latest video starring The D Train 's James Marsden and Kathryn Hahn hit close to home. During the fictional interview, Marsden and Hahn speak to a "reporter" who asks the actors questions about their first commercial gigs in Hollywood. Hahn reveals she had to ride a horse in a commercial, and wasn't "gifted on the animal." The talent and interviewer laugh at her quirky anecdote. It's light, fun, and not too personal — typical on-camera fare. But it when it comes time for Marsden to answer the same question, things get a little less comfortable.
"I did this spot for this ma and pa pizza joint in the Valley," he begins innocently enough. "I was like 19. I was the delivery boy." Hahn offers an "aww" at the thought of a cute, nubile James Marsden acting in a pizza commercial for a family-owned business. As the video goes on, we learn more and more details of Marsden's supposed "commercial." For example, the woman he delivers pizza to is wearing "next to nothing," and "she gives me a blow job through the hole in the pizza box." Um, what? Despite these blatantly sexual admissions, it takes a great deal of back and forth to convince Marsden that his "commercial" was indeed a porno. He even blames the mix-up on modern technology. "It was 80 minutes long, which is long for a commercial, but maybe it was for a weird, local market."
The interviewer, stuck in an awkward situation — with Marsden rambling about his apparent porn star past — laughs uncomfortably, and eyes the camera. That's certainly one way to handle it. But if I was interviewing James Marsden and he accidentally let it slip that his first Hollywood gig was a porno, here are seven other ways I would have reacted.
I mean, honestly. As Marsden reveals, the porno/pizza commercial includes: "40 minutes of me getting my dick sucked, and 40 minutes of me having sex with her roommate."
Suggest Marsden For The Next Magic Mike Film
After Marsden reveals the premise for his... film... I would not so subtly side-eye the camera, and say, "Are you listening to this Steven Soderbergh?" and top it off with a wink á la Lucille Bluth.
Use The Big Reveal As A Jumping Off Point For Important Follow Up Questions
"What kind of pizza was it?" "Was there extra cheese?" "How big is an XXL slice, really?" "Did you receive free pizza for life?" etc., etc.
Ask Him If There Will Be A Sequel
And then bury my head in my lap and try to stop cackling with laughter.
Start Scream-Singing "It's Raining Men"
Because veiling one awkward thing with another works every time.
Ask Him To "Prove It"
I would really love to see what James Marsden would do in response to this request. Take his top off? Scoff and walk off set? Pop the VHS in and fast-forward to his favorite scenes?
Act Like His Therapist
Clearly, recognizing that his "commercial" was indeed an adult film could be very traumatic. How does this realization make him feel? Did he feel taken advantage of? What was his childhood like? Free associate with the word "Pizza," and, GO!
Watch the full Funny or Die video below, and see The D Train Friday, May 8 in theaters.
Images: Funny or Die; Giphy; Tumblr