The Captain's Blog
2004: The Original Kirk and Jerk awards
As I fell asleep the other night, trying to purge from my memory the ugliness of the Bradley-Creighton men's basketball game, I began to wonder what I would write for this final day of 2004.
Then the Prophet Sesom appeared to me in a dream.
"There are two kinds of people in this world," Sesom said. "Kirks and Jerks. Write about that."
Hmmm. The Kirk and Jerk Awards of 2004 does have a certain ring of bad poetry. Winners in a moment, but first let me clarify what it means to be a Kirk. Or a Jerk.
It is not possible for a Jerk to be a Kirk. A Jerk can act like a Kirk, but doing so is unnatural and time will expose the Jerk as a phony. Likewise, a Kirk can behave like a Jerk, but not for long and never without deep regret followed by a period of penance.
Winning a Kirk is not difficult. All you have to do is pursue your sports-related endeavor with intensity, intelligence, grace and class, comport yourself like a decent human being and treat others well.
It is exceedingly hard to receive a Jerk, mainly because Kirk believes even most Jerks have redeeming qualities we simply don't get to see. Since Kirk is a true Kirk, he feels like a Jerk bestowing a Jerk on someone with whom he is unable to spend 24/7/365 (or 24/7/366 in Leap Year). After all, what happens if you see someone only 23/7/365, and in that one hour the person feeds the cat instead of kicking it?
That's why we have a third category. A "Qualified Jerk," performs actions that deserve ridicule, but we acknowledge the person might be a Kirk who was simply having a bad day or month or season.
After all, it happens to the best of us.
The envelopes, please.
Jerk Decision of the Year: University of Notre Dame, for firing Tyrone Willingham as football coach two years before his contract expired and officially abandoning the last remnant of moral high ground in intercollegiate sports. Athletics director Kevin White was the King Jerk in this decision, though ND's president, the Rev. Edward Mallory, was a Gutless Jerk for saying he didn't agree with the firing but wouldn't veto the action because he'll retire June 30.
Jerk Showdown of the Year: NHL Commissioner Gary Bettman vs. the NHL Players Association. Screw the game. Screw the fans. We won't play until we get our way. Enough said.
Spineless Jerk Award: University of Illinois Board of Trustees. These august men and women determined more study of the Chief Illiniwek issue is required before making a decision on the Chief's future, in hope that the controversy goes away and they don't have to make a decision.
Award for Hypocritical Jerking: Pundits who slammed Boston Red Sox pitcher Curt Schilling for using his World Series championship pulpit to say, "Vote Bush," even after Schilling apologized for abusing his position, while giving Sox owner John Henry and General Manager Theo Epstein a pass for hopping on the campaign stump in the Series aftermath with Bush rival John Kerry.
Jerks with Asterisks: All of you steroid-users out there. You know who you are, even though we don't. Shame on all of you.
On the Road to Qualified Jerk City: Illinois High School Association members who favor increasing the number of competition classes in basketball from two to four.
Kirk's Road Warriors: Orange Krush, the Fighting Illini's student basketball fans, who traveled by the hundreds to rival arenas last season, on weekends and school nights alike, to loudly and proudly support their team's quest for a Big Ten championship.
The Kirk for Putting Kids First: District 150 and Peoria Park District, for cooperating to find the way and the hay to make the city's high school swimming pools fit for competition again.
Standup Kirk: Cardinals relief pitcher Ray King, who always took time to talk and smile, not only after victories but also in the wake of crushing defeats. "Fans are what make the game of baseball," King says. "That's why I talk to (reporters), because you're a link to the fans, and anything I can do to put out something positive to the fans, to let them know we respect them, that we're all in this together, I'm going to do. Without fans, you don't have baseball."
And now, for the three biggest awards of 2004.
Qualified Jerk of the Year: Cubs captain Sammy Sosa, for skipping out on his team and fans the final game of the season. Sosa might be a nice guy at heart. He certainly yearns to be loved. But stiffing everyone on Fan Appreciation Day and slinking away into the off-season while your team toils in vain before a packed house is no way for a captain to behave. That was more like a rat jumping a sunken ship.
Jerks of the Year: Ron Artest, Indiana Pacers star, and John Green, the boneheaded Detroit Pistons fan who allegedly threw his beer at Artest. Not only did they ignite the ugliest brawl of the year in an American sports arena, they thought the sanctions imposed on them – Artest got suspended for the season, Green got a lifetime ban from the Pistons' home arena – were out of line.
Kirks of the Year: Team USA softball players, who won Olympic gold in record fashion and embodied every quality Kirk admires.
Kirk Wessler is executive sports editor/columnist with the Journal Star. Contact him at .(JavaScript must be enabled to view this email address)
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Author: Kirk Wessler
Kirk Wessler is executive sports editor/columnist and has worked at the Journal Star since 1987. A graduate of Bradley University, he previously worked at the Columbia (Mo.) Daily Tribune and Dallas Times-Herald. Wessler's work has won numerous awards from Associated Press Sports Editors, U.S. Basketball Writers Association, Illinois Press Association and Illinois Associated Press. He is former president of the USBWA. Follow him on Twitter @KirkWessler.	View all posts by Kirk Wessler
Author Kirk WesslerPosted on December 31, 2004 Categories Annual Awards Column
Next Next post: 2005: If only they could all be like Illinois
Kirks & Jerks
... And the Prophet Sesom spoke unto the Captain: "There are two kinds of people in his world. Kirks and Jerks. Write about them."
Annual Awards:
* 2012: The winners are ...
* 2011: The winners are...
* 2010: Sadly, no shortage of Jerks
* 2008: A fifth year of the good, the bad and the Jerks
* 2005: If only they could all be like Illinois
* 2004: The Original Kirk and Jerk awards
Previous Wessler columns
Stunning! Common sense prompts NFHS swimming rule change
Whistles turned against Wisconsin in second half
Wisconsin teammates grill POY Frank Kaminsky at press conference
Follow the ISU Redbirds' football title quest on pjstar.com
For Bradley basketball, getting better is a process