Katy Perry kissed a boy and he liked it — but she should have asked first.
Had the roles been reversed, people would not be happy.
"American Idol" is back and apparently now features some judge-on-contestant kissing.
It's hard to keep people interested in a show entering its 16th season, so it makes sense that show's new home at ABC would pull out all the stops to try to get people's attention. In the season premiere for the new season, judge Katy Perry broke new ground on the show, bestowing a quick peck on the lips to 19-year-old Benjamin Glaze.
[rebelmouse-image 19534139 dam="1" original_size="500x281" caption="GIFs from "American Idol"/YouTube." expand=1]GIFs from "American Idol"/YouTube.
After joking that he liked his job as a cashier at an electronics store because it meant that cute girls have to say hi to him, judge Luke Bryan asked Glaze if he's "kissed a girl and liked it," an obvious reference to Perry's 2008 mega-hit. He says that he's actually never kissed a girl. Naturally, Perry asked Glaze to come closer and kiss her on the cheek. As he leaned in, Perry turned her head and kissed him on the lips.
Some people online quickly pointed to the underlying issue of consent, and they're absolutely right.
Though Glaze didn't seem to mind the kiss, Perry should have asked him first. From what viewers see (as it's entirely possible there were bits of relevant dialogue cut out by producers), he consented to kissing her cheek, not getting a kiss on the lips.
Still, a number of media outlets and Twitter users framed the encounter in a sort of "he's so lucky," isn't this adorable," "this is so cute" type of way. "Katy Perry gave one lucky 'American Idol' contestant his very first kiss — and his reaction is hilarious," read the headline of an article at Insider.
He kissed @katyperry and he liked it. 😘💋😍 #AmericanIdol
A post shared by American Idol (@americanidol) on Mar 11, 2018 at 6:08pm PDT
But imagine how different the reaction would have been had the roles been reversed? What if instead of Perry kissing a male contestant 14 years younger than her, it was Bryan doing the same with a female contestant? If we're being honest with ourselves, we can probably admit that the situation wouldn't have seemed quite as "cute" or "funny," right? It's a safe bet there wouldn't be media outlets rushing to cover it that way either.
It's less about this specific instance and more the message it sends — especially to kids.
For one, we owe it to boys and men to care about their ability to consent as much as we owe it to girls and women. When we treat situations differently based on the gender of the person breaching consent, we're not sending a good message, especially when it comes to younger viewers.
At her Baby Sideburns blog, writer Karen Alpert walked through some of the issues she had with the segment, which are worth consideration.
"But there are millions of children watching your every move. Girls and boys," writes Alpert. "And when you kiss a boy on the lips without his permission, when you trick him into that, you're teaching our children the wrong thing. I'm not saying every teenager out there has to ask permission for every single little kiss, but you do have to be pretty sure that's what someone wants before you do that."
The kiss was harmless, and this isn't meant to be some sort of attack on Perry. But let's learn from it and build a better world for our kids based around these lessons.
It's a teachable moment for us all and, again, was pretty harmless in the big picture. It's because it was harmless that we can learn from it the next time something isn't harmless.
Watch the full clip of Glaze's audition below.
Evey Winters/Facebook, Vox/YouTube
What you look like in a selfie camera isn't really what you look like in real life.
We've all done it: You snap a selfie, look at it, say, "OMG is my nose swollen?" then try again from a different angle. "Wait, now my forehead looks weird. And what's up with my chin?" You keep trying various angles and distances, trying to get a picture that looks like how you remember yourself looking. Whether you finally land on one or not, you walk away from the experience wondering which photo actually looks like the "real" you.
I do this, even as a 40-something-year-old who is quite comfortable with the face I see in the mirror. So, it makes me cringe imagining a tween or teen, who likely take a lot more selfies than I do, questioning their facial features based on those snapshots. When I'm wondering why my facial features look weird in selfies it's because I know my face well enough to know that's not what it looks like. However, when a young person whose face is changing rapidly sees their facial features distorted in a photo, they may come to all kinds of wrong conclusions about what they actually look like.
Not that it should matter, of course. But we're talking about people living in a society obsessed with personal appearance. It's going to matter to a lot of people, and if they get the wrong impression of their face, some people will go to all sorts of lengths to change it. That's why understanding a bit about how focal lengths on cameras can impact what we see in photographs is vital.
Writer Evey Winters shared some of that education in a post on Facebook. She writes about this topic through a trans and dysmorphia lens, but it applies to everyone.
Winters points out that if someone is thinking of doing surgery to change their bodies, they should seek sources outside of themselves and a cellphone camera.
"I have dysmorphia and recognize that in myself," she wrote, "but even if I didn't, there's not a selfie I've ever taken that would accurately help me make choices about my face. Mirrors are slightly better only for their minimal distortions."
"If you want the best chance at getting good feedback pre-op about what you might want to change," she added, "I'd recommend a skilled photographer take a series of photos of you at different focal lengths and even then none of these will be entirely accurate as none of these employ humans binocular vision and filtering."
Winters shared a collage of photos of the same girl's face at different focal lengths to show the significant difference it makes. "Notice how in different photos this child's eyes may appear to be slightly hooded," she wrote. "The nose appears enlarged disproportionately. Hairline seems to shift with every snap. So does jaw shape, face shape, and even the width and size of the ears."
The difference between each of these photos is significant, but the difference between the first and the last is stunning. Cellphone selfie cameras usually have an even smaller focal length than the 40 mm shown here (Winters points out that the iPhone 13 Pro Max selfie camera has the equivalent of a 23 mm focal length), so they distort facial features even more. It also depends on how far away from the camera you are—the closer you are, the more distortion you'll see. Lighting matters, too, but even the best lighting can't cancel out what the focal length is doing.
Vox shared a video specifically about the "big nose" phenomenon with selfies, showing how drastic the distortion can be.
As a parent of two teens and a young adult, I find these photos to be fantastic tools for teaching my kids not to put too much stock in what they see in a selfie. Far too many people are increasingly seeking out plastic surgery to change a nose or a forehead or a jawline that doesn't even really exist. Imagine looking in a funhouse mirror and thinking you need to do something to change how you look. Selfie cameras are basically mini funhouse mirrors. Smartphones and apps are getting better at making filters that adjust for those distortions, but none of us should be relying on selfies of any kind to see what we really look like, much less taking major measures to alter our appearance based on what we see in them.
Even if you have some physical feature you simply can't accept and want to change, make sure you get a skilled photographer to give you the most accurate picture of what it actually looks like. As Winters concluded at the end of her post: "Make sure you're not reshaping your body for a you that only exists in selfie cams."
Thank you for the reminder, Ms. Winters.
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Surfer writes names of people's lost loved ones on his surfboard so they can ride 'one last wave'
One Last Wave Project/TikTok
Dan Fischer takes people's lost loved ones out surfing for "one last wave."
Dan Fischer understands grief. He also has some idea of how to cope with it—and how to help others through it as well.
Fischer has experienced tremendous loss in the past few years, losing both his father and his best friend. As a surfer, he's a believer in what he calls "the transformative power of the ocean." Originally from Montreal, Canada, Fischer has found healing riding the waves off Newport, Rhode Island, where he's lived for the past seven years.
Now he wants to share that healing power of the waves with others.
"After one of those faithful sessions, where I had written my dad's name on my board," he tells Upworthy, "I decided to throw out an open invitation on TikTok to others who were struggling with loss." On January 4, he shared a TikTok video inviting people to share the name of a loved one who has passed and said he would write their name on his board and take them out into the ocean.
"It felt right and I wanted to help," he says. "I knew how healing surfing had been for me, and I wanted the opportunity to share that with others in hopes of inserting some positivity into their lives."
@paradrenaline
Comment a loved one who you'd like me to include. #love #memories #dreams #surfing #oceanlover #saltlife
People started sharing the names and stories of lost loved ones in the comments, and Fischer started writing down names. A dozen soon turned to 100, which turned to 500, which turned to more than 1,000.
In just over a week, the one TikTok blossomed into a full-fledged movement Fischer has dubbed the One Last Wave Project.
"Something we always say out there is, 'one last wave,'" Fischer says. "There's always one last wave to catch and I wanted to give that to others. There have been so many stories shared about loved ones who always wanted to learn to surf, or how the ocean was their happy place and unfortunately, their families weren't able to get them there in time. I committed to ensuring that they got out there for that one last wave."
Sunset with your loved onespic.twitter.com/JWosk1pzi7
— One Last Wave Project (@One Last Wave Project) 1642122161
Fischer gets emotional sharing what the project means to him.
"I've spent many nights sitting out there alone at sunset, connecting with the beauty of nature to heal," he says. "Now, I have thousands of loved ones joining me…it's truly hard to explain just how truly moving that is for me. I just hope to help in some small way."
Right now, the project is just a one-man show, with Fischer spending hours a day connecting with people in the comments and writing down names. He knows he's going to need help collecting names and stories as the list grows, and he's already looking into getting more longboards to accommodate more names.
"It is important to me that every single person's story is told," he says. "I would love to see it expanded where surfers from around the world can join in the movement and take loved ones out into the ocean from wherever they are."
Fischer says people keep asking if it's too late to get their loved one's name on his board, and he wants people to know it's never too late. He's in this for the long haul.
Answering some of your questions about the project! It\u2019s never too late for One Last Wave pic.twitter.com/0dJsC786gc
One Last Wave Project isn't Fischer's first project impacting people's lives in creative ways. He works as an MBA admissions consultant, but he also founded Step Up for the Cure, a charity fundraiser for cancer research. He credits his mother's influence for his impulse to use whatever he has to give back to others in a meaningful way.
"When I founded Step Up for the Cure, I was trying to create a symbolic struggle—we ran marathon distances up stairs for 24 hours straight—to align those involved with those facing such harsh adversity," he says. "One Last Wave has a bit of a different vision. While surfing, trying to harness the sheer power of the ocean for a few fleeting moments in order to ride the open face of a wave is extremely challenging; however, this movement is more about the peace and healing that results when you do, letting go, immersing yourself in the sea.
"Surfing is one of my great passions," he continues. "It has changed my life, and I'm grateful for the opportunity to be sharing that love with others in a way that provides hope and healing."
That\u2019s a great motto! I\u2019d be honored to include her in the project and take her out there
Paula I would be honored to take Oliver out with me and show him the joy of surfing he was hoping to find. Sending my love and I hope this helps in some way
Fischer says he never imagined his project would resonate so deeply with so many people, but he's grateful that it has.
"I am deeply affected by every single story shared," he said. "Heartbreaking doesn't even begin to describe it, but when I connect with these people, we are bonded, and the board feels very much like a beacon of hope that their loved ones are set free to enjoy and shine once again. It's a way for them to be forever memorialized in a place they loved.
"I can't tell you how many times I've cried reading the stories, writing the names, and feeling them etched on the board as I paddle through the waves," he says.
Many of the commenters are parents sharing the names of children they've lost. Some of them loved the ocean, and some of them loved it but never got to see it. One commenter recently asked for her own name to be put on the board, as she's in hospice and the ocean has always been her peaceful place.
The simple act of reaching out, connecting with others, making an offering of what you have and bringing some measure of comfort to people who are in mourning is such a beautiful thing.
Fischer is working on getting the One Last Wave website up so that he can direct people to one central place if they want to add a loved one or find out how to help, but in the meantime, you can find him on these social media pages:
Tiktok: @OneLastWave
Twitter: @OneLastWave
Instagram: @OneLastWaveProject
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There are over 30 years between these amazing before-and-after photos.
Evan Porter
Chris Porsz was tired of studying sociology.
As a university student in the 1970s, he found the talk of economics and statistics completely mind-numbing. So instead, he says, he roamed the streets of his hometown of Peterborough, England, with a camera in hand, snapping pictures of the people he met and listening to their stories. To him, it was a far better way to understand the world.
All photos by Chris Porsz/REX/Shutterstock.
He always looked for the most eccentric people he could find, anyone who stood out from the crowd. Sometimes he'd snap a single picture of that person and walk away. Other times he'd have lengthy conversations with these strangers.
But eventually, life moved on and so did he. He fell out of love with photography. "Those pictures collected dust for 25 years," he says.
Then, a few years ago, Porsz found those 30- to 40-year-old photos and sent them to be printed in his local newspaper.
And remarkably, people started recognizing much younger versions of themselves in his shots. "There was this lightbulb moment," he says of the first time someone wrote to him about one of his photos.
Eventually, he became curious about the people he'd photographed all those years ago, and he decided he'd try to find some of them. It wouldn't be easy — the photos were taken a long time ago, and Porsz didn't have names or contact information for many of the people in them.
But he did find some of them, sometimes in extraordinary ways. "Some were absolute million-to-one coincidences," he says.
Like the time he went out on a call (he's a parademic these days) at 3 a.m., and the man he was there to treat recognized him as the photographer who'd snapped his picture all those years ago. On another call, he asked a local shopkeeper if he recognized any of the subjects in the photos. He did.
Once Porsz began posting about the project online — he calls it "Reunions" — it became easier and easier to reconnect with his former subjects.
Many were eager to recreate the old shots as best they could, like Layla Gordon, who Porsz originally photographed drinking milk in 1983.
Others groups, like these schoolgirls, had fallen out of touch. "Reunions," fittingly enough, brought them back together.
Porsz says that his subjects, like this wild-haired couple, were strangers to him 30 years ago. Now he considers many of them friends.
In all, Porsz has collected over 130 before-and-afters in his new book.
The response to Porsz's work has been more than he ever imagined.
He's personally heard from people all over the world who've been inspired by his project and want to try to recreate it themselves. But beyond that, he just hopes it brings a little warmth and happiness to the people who see it.
"It's important for me for my photography to make people smile," he says. "Because there is so much sadness in the world."
And while the project is finished for now, don't count out the possibility of "Reunions Part 2" somewhere down the line.
"I'd love to meet these guys in 2046 when I'm 94 years old," Porsz says.
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