Articles by: Julian Taylor
[Opinion]: Anti-Masturbation Is the Only Logical Stance for Feminists to Take on the Issue of Self-Rape
It is not often that the shrill caterwauling of the socially destructive feminist movement could ever be considered to hold something in common with socially responsible Christian conservatism, yet on the subject of self-rape we really should be natural bedfellows [figuratively speaking, of course]. You see, the group that masturbation […]
by Julian Taylor —	June 3, 2020 —	40 comments —	Morals, Politics, Self-Rape Prevention
Miracle: Lonnie's Celestial Intervention Prevents Parishioner From Self-Raping!
A miracle has occurred this week, as Stop Masturbation Now founder and American Hero, Lonnie Childs, has intervened to save the immortal soul of a parishioner known simply as 'Thomas'. 'Thomas' was asleep in bed when a miracle sent by Lonnie Childs awakened him in order to alert 'Thomas' to […]
by Julian Taylor —	February 12, 2015 —	8 comments —	Disciples, Lonnie Childs, Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
[UNCOVERED]: The Big Masturbation Plot to Self-Rape Our Children
The launch of Stop Masturbation Now's Anti-Masturbation Cross™ has met with unqualified success over the past twenty-four hours, crashing our holy netsite with pre-orders and projecting our bold design to seemingly every corner of the internet. Alas, no good turn goes unpunished – as it seems that the forces […]
by Julian Taylor —	July 1, 2014 —	115 comments —	Morals, Self-Rape Prevention
Masturbation Is the Pits – How Many More Innocents Must Suffer?
Tragedy struck the village of Leeds, West Yorkshire this week, when a masturbating father was too busy pleasuring himself with the base gratification of self-rape to notice that his daughter, a toddler, had walked behind his reversing car – a judgement lapse that was to prove fatal! Why does it […]
by Julian Taylor —	June 25, 2014 —	30 comments —	Foreigners
Masturbation Mythbusters: Medical Masturbation – The Dismal ScLIEnce
Myth: It is OK to let doctors masturbate me because scLIEnce says that I must allow them to smear my paps! Status: B U S T E D! Nice try ladies! This line of reasoning completely falls apart when one considers the findings of The Foundation for a Better Tomorrow, […]
by Julian Taylor —	May 30, 2014 —	5 comments —	Uncategorized