Phil Ball: Are your name and occupation compatible?
Phil Ball
The last name of many people refers to the occupation of the patriarch of that family of eons ago.
Like the name "Miller." Where did such a name come from? Sure, some ancient male ancestor had a mill that ground wheat or corn or buckwheat, therefore, he was a miller. There are millions of Smiths. In the olden days there were all kinds of smiths,. especially blacksmiths. Wagoners had wagons. Ferriers shoed horses.
Today there are thousands of Clarks — that's the old English word for "clerk," and that's what they used to be, clerks of all kinds.
Bob Cratchit was a clark in Ebenezer Scrooge's loan shark office. Locally, we have a retired doctor named Bob Clark. He was an ophthalmologist — that's the Greek for a doctor who studies eyes. Dr. Clark never did clerk in any store and he doesn't study eyes anymore. He studies books on how to play golf but he never learns anything.
Then there are last names that are so neatly identified with the person's occupation today that it is amazing. My barber is "Les Niccum!" Translated, that becomes "Less Nick Them." And that's right. He never nicks you with his scissors. Once upon a time, I knew a good general surgeon whose honest-to-god last name was "Butcher!" I would have changed my name or gotten in to some other occupation. "I'm going to my surgeon, Doctor Butcher!" Oh, my sainted Aunt Matilda!
Speaking of doctors' last names, Muncie has had some winners. What about a general practitioner some years ago, Dr. Elmer Cure! Holy cow, what a name for a physician. We also had in Muncie a celebrated urologist named Bob Peacock. They say that even as a child growing up in Dunkirk, he knew what he was destined to become, a urologist.
President Dwight Eisenhower has a great German last name. The original German spelling was Eisenhauer, meaning people who worked with iron. Snyder was from the German name "Schneider," and that means cutter, like with scissors. Coopers in the olden days made barrels or wheels.
Some last names referred to a characteristic of an ancient ancestor, such as Witty or Wiseman. Ever heard of a last name of Dumbo? Neither have I.
I had a friend of years ago whose last name was "Crumpacker." I asked him if he came from a family who packed bread crumbs. "No," he said, "our family name is German and it was originally 'Krumbacher,' and that means the people from the crooked creek!"
There are Muncie people with the last name of "Rothhaar." That name means in German the red-haired people.
What about my first name of "Philip." Where did that come from? It's Greek my friends, and it comes from a contraction of two Greek words, philos and hippos, which means "friend of horses."
Well, I never did befriend any horses, and horses don't particularly like me. Then, my last name of "Ball." Was my ancestor a great baseball star or football or soccer celebrity? No. One theory is that the ancient men of my Neanderthal family were all prematurely bald, and "bald" changed to "Ball." My hair is doing OK thank you very much. I'm only half bald, and half deaf and half blind and half witted. If I can keep my brain working, I'll write another column for next week. But, don't count on it.
Phil Ball is an ancient one-time doctor, who lives with his wife in a simple apartment over a vacant lot in Normal City. His opinions are his own and not those of any sane citizen. The Star Press is not responsible for anything that he writes. Our in-house law firm of Dewey Cheatem and Howe will protect us against suit.