By Headphones - United States
Today, I was lying in bed, trying to sleep, when I heard my parents having sex, so I put on my headphones. After listening to music for a good long while, I figured they were done by now, so I took off the headphones just in time to hear them finish. FML
By Anonymous - France - Paris
Today, I went with my boyfriend to meet his parents. I had to excuse myself to use the bathroom, and I ended up taking a huge crap that wouldn't flush. I had to reach in and break it up with my hands just so it would flush. Only after I washed up did I notice a plunger sitting under the sink. FML
By good job brain - United States - San Francisco
Today, I had a job interview. I was asked what my dream job would be. I blurted out, "The president, because I think it's a very cool and important job." I don't think I'm getting this one. FML
By Snowzies - United Kingdom
Today, it was snowing really badly, so my boss said that everyone who drove to work could leave. But because I got the bus in, she said that I should stay and do a full day. By the time she eventually decided it was bad enough for me to leave, the buses were cancelled. FML
By Anonymous - Netherlands - Drachten
Today, I was yelled at by a customer because I wouldn't give her a new iPhone 5 for free to replace her broken Nokia, which she threw out the window in "blind rage". I felt awful having to thank her for calling. Sadly, this is a daily event. FML
By Clumsy - United States - Millville
Today, I was working out with the guy I like when he spilled his water bottle. I went to clean up the spill, bashed my face into the weight bar, which broke my nose. FML
By tulisa - United States - Alexandria
Today, I witnessed the beautiful sight of a tiny baby bird struggling to take flight from its nest. "You can do it," I muttered, which I guess my asswipe of a cat heard as "Quick, go kill that bird and scar me for life, please." FML
By superfreak6 - United States - New Orleans
Today, after fishing for 5 hours, I finally caught a respectable-sized fish. I ran to my truck to grab the scale, and then I saw my friend laughing hysterically while holding an empty net. Apparently, the only catch of our day jumped out of the net during the 15 seconds I was gone. FML
Today, I texted a girl who I had hooked up with the night before to see if she wanted to hang out again. She responded, "I think we should keep it the way it was, before last night." I just met her last night. FML
By workinggirl - United States
Today, I went on a date with a guy that I met at a masquerade. The moment he saw me without my mask on, he left the date. FML
By wowzers0889 - United States - New York
Today, I was sent to a customer's house to switch out a washing machine. My boss had assured me that everything I'd need was already in the truck. Halfway there, I ran out of gas and I realized I didn't have the gas card. My boss says it's my fault. FML
By nattnatt73 - United States - Marion
Today, my dog brought me his squeaky toy to throw for him. I went to throw it down the hallway but it hit the door and bounced about a foot in front of him. He just stared at me for a minute like I was dumb, then took it to my boyfriend to throw. I disappoint even my dog. FML
By Jizzyface - United Kingdom - Wilmslow
Today, my strict Christian mother walked into my room just after I'd finished masturbating. Although dressed, I was still holding the used tissue, which she noticed. Having to think fast to disguise my deed and avoid an entire sermon, I had no option but to blow my nose with the spunky tissue. FML
By oopsydaisy - United States - Decatur
Today, I was working at the pharmacy and had a older man come in. He was buying Viagra and, by law, we are required to ask if the patient had any questions. His lovely response was, "When you coming over so I can test this stuff out?" His wife and daughter thought it was hilarious. I could've died. FML
By Foreveralone17362562 - Canada - Cold Lake
Today, I was telling my dad about how annoying it was to constantly have my ten-year-old cousin message me about her new boyfriend, when he suddenly bursts out laughing about how she can get a boyfriend at ten, and I have never even kissed a guy and I'm seventeen. FML
By Noname - United States
Today, one of my closest friends and I got into a fight. She ends the conversation with "My grandma just had a stroke. Bye." I didn't believe her so I replied "Thats great. Bye." Turns out her Grandma is in the hospital in critical condition. FML
By random - United States
Today, I asked a good friend what she thought would make me more attractive to women. Her advice was, "Don't be yourself." FML
By thissucks - United States
Today, it's my mom's birthday. I woke up at midnight to be the first to tell her happy birthday. When I awoke in the morning, I decided to bake her a cake. Little did I know my whole family was going out to lunch to celebrate. I wasn't invited. FML
By anaph0re - France
Today, it was good fun getting this nice vampire make-up at my drama lesson. It would have been better if I hadn't forgotten my demake-up. Even better if I could have avoided those crazy glances in the bus home. FML
By Sam - United States - Elmhurst
Today, I had to turn down an invitation to one of my best friend's birthday party because I had been scheduled to work. Little did I know that my job on that day would be setting up the tents, tables, and chairs for that very birthday party. FML
By Cherrish it - United States - Carmichael
Today, a girl told me she stopped eating cherries ever since her father choked on one when she was a kid. She later mentioned that she doesn't like to drive. I sarcastically asked, "Did your dad choke on a car too?" Nope, her two brothers died in a car accident. FML
By bananna - Australia - Sydney
Today, I found out our newborn snores worse than his father. FML
By Anonymous - 28/7/2020 17:04
Blender time!
Today, I've told my boyfriend several times that my toothless grandma can only eat pureed foods, but likes any kind of soup, "as long as there's no meat in it." Guess what was his idea of a gift for her when meeting her for the first time? A steak. FML
By killme - United States - Warner Robins
Today, after nearly two weeks of being stressed out due to financial issues, I decided to spend my last 4 dollars on stress-relieving body wash. Apparently this particular body wash causes me to break out in hives and now I have no money for rash cream. FML
Today, my 6'8" Russian friend picked me up, a 5'0" petite girl. This would be fine if he hadn't been startled by a moth and dropped me down the stairs. FML
By NotTalented - United States - Colorado Springs
Today, I played in a high school concert. Some alumni of the band were sitting in the audience and were brought to tears. Not because it was beautiful, but because they were sad to see how much the music program had declined since they left. FML
By Username - Australia
Today, I saw myself on the news. I was one of the random passers by they had filmed for their story on the "Fat Epidemic." FML
Today, after a 2 month relationship, I realized two things: A) Dating a known psycho because "crazy chicks are great in bed" is a dumb idea, and B) What crazy chicks are actually great at is beating the crap out of you and driving you to alcoholism. FML
By StephiLynn - United States - Hibbing
Today, my coworker told me when we got to work that she purposely left her phone at home. I then had to suffer 8 hours of listening to her constantly whine like a toddler about how much she missed her phone. FML
By thesporkhop - United States
Today, I was going to end a thing I had with this guy. It turned out that he got back together with his ex-girlfriend and was just using me as a back up. FML
By LifeSucks - United States
Today, as I was driving to work, I got a flat tire. While attempting to replace said tire, I got mugged. The guy took all my money, my iPod, cellphone, and CDs. When I finally called my boss to explain my situation, he fired me. Why? Because I was late and had an "overactive imagination." FML
By nerderer - United States - Duluth
Today, my dad decided that the best way to alleviate my crippling depression is to talk to me in a baby voice. FML
By bumblebee - United Kingdom
Today, I was hanging out with a guy I liked. We sat in the gardens, me facing the path, him with his back to it. We were in deep conversation when I noticed a dog that looked exactly like mine. Then I looked up and saw a man that looked like my dad. Yes - my parents followed me on a date. FML
By moron - United States
Today, I drove my boyfriend to hospital because he felt extremely ill. His buddies had gotten their hands on a taser, and he had the brilliant idea of being shot as part of a Youtube stunt video. Now I have an empty gas tank and have to clean up a puddle of vomit in my living room. FML
By M. Moore
Today, my 12-year-old son came home after a week with his father. He was still wearing the same socks and underwear I sent him out with. FML
By MoxyR12 - United States
Today, I was texting this guy that I really liked. Things were going pretty well. I got a call from his number and excitedly answered it. It was his girlfriend asking if he was bothering me because he likes to text random people when he's drunk. FML
With any luck, it'll be canceled
Today, I found out that my friends finally scheduled their wedding. The entire friend group of the groom, which I am part of, is in the wedding. Except me. If I go I'll have to watch my boyfriend, who is a groomsman, walk down the aisle with one of the bride's friends on his arm while I sit alone. FML
By eagerbeaver - United States
Today, I figured out that a $40 phone case does not protect your $500 phone from a five year old throwing it off a fourth story balcony. FML
By damnit - Australia
Today, I got my first tattoo. It's a large broadsword which runs the length of my spine. I went home to show it off and learned that the hilt on my neck looks just like a penis when the rest of it is covered with my shirt. FML
By aback | 4
#417503 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 0:46
Next time, applaud and yell "Encore!"
By TheCookieCrumb | 0
Just in time for the big finale!
By kirbyfan23 | 0
that sucks so hard. FYL
Ligerie | 0
yeah it really sucks when your parents love each other.
MK1029 | 0
Some people complain too much. Sure, it can be a little embarrasing and kind of awkward but don't you think it's better than hearing your dad secretly calling a hooker behind your mom's back? Maybe it's OP's parent's fault for not being more discreet or something but you have to remember, it's how OP was made.
Clever_Nick_Here | 0
No, it sucks listening to your parents fucking. Your parents can love each other all they want, but nobody (excepting in some sick, perverted cases) wants to listen to their parents having sex.
nikktherocker | 0
yeah, it really sucks when your parents fuck each other just yards away from you.
Bashar_fml | 0
you deserve it for taking off the headphones BITCH..!!!
timk_fml | 2
Could be worst.. Dad could have hollered out someone else's name.
DeadMansCrack | 4
#57 who said anything about a hooker? i hate when people make up random scenarios and say "at least they aren't (insert terrible situation that has nothing to with the thing that the person is talking about)". that's like saying "today my dog ran away for the 100th time.fml." and then someone replying "well at least your dog didn't get hit by a car, fall in a river and drown. stop complaining." you disgust me.
slutsstud | 0
Yeah... YDI dumbass.. if I was you, I would've just walked outta house.. why stay in? Dumbass.. Also ur parents are fucked up fellas.
divineinstrument | 2
Totally agree with #90!! Stop degrading FMLs by comparing them to situations that are much worse. This is still pretty damn bad
@96: I'm going to give you the benefit of the doubt and assume that you're not incredibly stupid, but you just didn't think out your answer beforehand. If the OP was trying to get to sleep, it'll be the middle of the night. WHy would he just up and leave the house in the middle of the night when it's freezing outside and he's trying to get some sleep?
gabiexquisite | 0
#418665 - Wednesday 22 July 2009 10:45
@ 96, he's not gonna get out. he was trying to sleep
g7190g92 | 1
#557695 - Saturday 12 September 2009 9:06
#51, I was just going to say a similar thing. Stupid ungrateful people always complaining about things having to do with their parents having sex. My parents have been sleeping on separate floors of the house for the past 10 years. Some people's parents are divorced. Sex is part of marriage, people. It doesn't become gross just because those two people are your parents. Grow up.
Bullet4MyChemaMo | 12
#980101 - Thursday 15 April 2010 19:51
I do that exact thing ALL the time :D
hayleyjames | 0
#1015097 - Tuesday 1 June 2010 15:26
165 have you heard of talk to your parents? really?
you: hey mum and dad i have an issue I would like to discuss...
parents: what is it
you: your sex life
arkward much?
oarisimo | 4
#1050076 - Wednesday 30 June 2010 9:50
96 you're stupid. his parents are fucked up for having sex? sounds to me like you're just bitter because you're not getting any! And why would the guy leave the house if he's trying to sleep? stfu
multiplecoloredc | 0
#2485836 - Tuesday 10 May 2011 1:06
At least you have parents.
Feedmyaddiction5 | 14
#2622465 - Sunday 5 June 2011 6:05
By zooksoup | 0
wow good timing
TiNyBuBbLeZ | 0
#2282241 - Saturday 2 April 2011 16:55
By videogamejunkie | 0
Epic fail.
proudstub | 0
#4 I think "Epic Fuck." is more relevant in this situation.
OP, Hey sonny, it's normal for mummy and daddy to bada boom bada boom boom, otherwise you wouldn't be born and post this FML. No seriously, you should be happy your parents are still doing it and enjoying it. A happy sex life often means a happy relationship.
And kudos to your father who can last so long, he's a real stallion.
ashykins08 | 0
Thats true, but no person wants they're father is a "stallion". Its kinda messed up. More than kinda. Yea, its great the OP has parents that are still in a loving relationship, but no sane person wants to hear the evidence of that relationship. Yes, it's how every person was made. But come on, would you want to hear your parents having sex? If your answer is yes, you are seriously messed up..
@21: Yes, even though were are all disgusted by the thought of our parents having sex, it's still a million times better than them not having sex and having some miserable, horrible relationship which ends in divorce. So I'm sure we're all kinda glad that our parents do have a good relationship, the point is it's not something you want to hear! It's absolutely disgusting. Fortunately, my parents know how to keep quiet
Hiimhaileypotter | 52
#6143637 - Saturday 13 December 2014 23:41
Actually in a live covering of horses, the breeding only lasts about 2-5 minutes on average. Being a "stallion" might not be such a good thing after all. ;)
(The only way I know this is that I'm actually in the equine industry. Lol.)
Kazze | 31
#6158724 - Wednesday 31 December 2014 12:30
Just like your comment.
By randomxtremely | 0
By fmlAllStar7274 | 0
I can relate sadly FYL and FML indeed
Fire_lights | 0
ROFLMAO, epic!
skatagurl | 0
hahahaha FTW
Lisimal | 7
#421089 - Thursday 23 July 2009 6:16
You are a true genius!
Bansheethekilla | 2
#427312 - Saturday 25 July 2009 9:11
Dude i laughed so hard at that i pissed my self.
MLSxxox | 3
#571747 - Friday 18 September 2009 13:15
SarahSchafer666 | 0
brilliant!!!!! xDD
By katelynmarie | 0
Slip a note under their door asking them to keep it down. XP
qazqwer313 | 0
Epic win XD
By vooper | 0
Well, I would vomit at that point.
By av232 | 0
good luck trying to make eye contact with them in the morning :)