Weekly SportsChumpdate featuring Lou Holtz, Brandon Marshall, Raheem Morris, Matt Barkley, Frank Sinatra and Do-overs
Posted on August 28, 2009 by Chris Humpherys — 30 Comments ↓
First and foremost, I'd like to thank all those who helped spread the Sportschump.net gospel by handing out bookmarks at Thursday's Buccaneers-Dolphins game. You know who you are. We welcome all new visitors to the site and encourage you to read, react and contribute. Pull up a chair, your beverage of choice and make yourself at home. The second quarter, forty-five minute lightning delay gave us time to promote the site, handing out bookmark after godforsaken bookmark. The torrential downpour eventually caused many fans, including yours truly, to leave the game early. Those who left didn't miss much offense as Tampa Bay looked like the Bucs of old, unable to score a touchdown or consistently move the football. Brotha E's rendition of New York, New York later that evening was far more offensive than the Buccaneers passing game. Both performances were forgettable, especially since Brotha E didn't remember singing Sinatra until the following afternoon. Morris may soon want to forget his team's performance as well.
It looks like Dr Lou has been sipping some of his own medicine. Either that or senility has finally kicked in. The former Notre Dame coach and current ESPN announcer has predicted that Florida will play… NOTRE DAME for a national championship. Not Texas, not Oklahoma, not USC, not Ohio State. Far be it from me to doubt Coach Holtz. If I knew who would reach this year's BCS title game, I'd be on the first flight to Vegas to place a wager, but it certainly wouldn't be on Notre Dame. Their schedule is no cakewalk. The Fighting Irish play at Michigan, Purdue, Pittsburgh and Stanford. They host Nevada, Michigan State, Washington, USC, Boston College, Washington State, Navy and UConn. Loyal Sportschump reader Jimmy Reese writes in that if Holtz's prediction comes true, we should change his name to NOTRAdamus. We're currently looking to copyright that name.
Dale Carnegie wrote "How to Win Friends & Influence People" back in 1937. Apparently Brandon Marshall never picked up a copy. The Denver Broncos have suspended their Pro Bowl wide receiver for the remainder of the preseason for conduct detrimental to the team. The troubled Marshall, who has asked to be traded, has previously been arrested for battery, DUI and domestic violence, garnering him more arrests than Pro Bowl appearances. If you picked him for your Misdemeanor/Felony Fantasy Football* team, you'd have a nice jumpstart on your season.
Remember how President Barack Obama began graying just a touch during last year's election? Similarly, rookie head coaches Josh McDaniels and Raheem Morris are starting to age before their prime. In addition to dealing with Marshall, McDaniels also lost his franchise quarterback this off-season. In Tampa, Raheem Morris is slowly starting to realize that "winning now" might not be an option. After three preseason games, he has yet to name his starting quarterback. Neither Byron Leftwich nor Luke McCown has established themselves as clear front-runners. Whichever quarterback doesn't get the nod may be put on the trading block, yet it's unlikely they will hold much trade value. Josh Freeman, the rookie, remains untouchable and is in dire need of a haircut.
There's a new Fresh Prince of Bel-Air… and his name is Matt Barkley. Head coach Pete Carroll named Barkley USC's starting quarterback for the 2009 season, making him the first true freshman to ever start a season opener for the school. The young Trojan will soon be thrown to the lions. USC travels to Columbus September 12 to play an Ohio State team that has been waiting an entire year to exact revenge for last year's 35-3 blowout. I watched that game with three Buckeye fans last year. Trust me, this game has been circled on their calendar since that night. If you want to have some fun, go find yourself a Buckeye fan. They're pretty easy to find. When you ask them if they're looking forward to this game, watch closely as their eyes light up and blood rushes to their head. A victory over USC would mark the first big game Ohio State has won since 2003.
US Open begins Monday in Flushing Meadows, New York. Las Vegas lists top-seeded Roger Federer as an even money favorite to win his 16th major. Andy Murray is seeded second and Rafael Nadal, who returns from injury, is seeded third. Fifth seed Andy Roddick comes back at 11:1. Second-seeded Serena and third-seeded Venus Williams are heavy favorites in the women's bracket. Roger and Serena are the tournament's defending champions.
Remember in recess when you messed up and asked for a do-over. Well, apparently you can do so now in the NFL too. Due to a low hanging scoreboard in the newly constructed Cowboys Stadium, the Commissioner has allowed mulligans in the NFL. Punters have pelted the scoreboard centerpiece in practice. With the start of the season only weeks away, apparently adjusting the scoreboard is not an option. The Commissioner will look for a long-term solution but for the time being, do-overs are now good. This should make for some interesting home games. If a ball hits the scoreboard during the game, the down will be replayed and the clock will be reset. Replay officials can review whether the ball touched the scoreboard without a coach's challenge. They just have to throw the do-over flag.
This entry was posted in Life of Sports Chump, Music, Pigskin and tagged Brandon Marshall, Brotha E, Byron Leftwich, Dallas Cowboys, Denver Broncos, Fantasy Football, Florida Gators, Frank Sinatra, Josh Freeman, Josh McDaniels, Lou Holtz, Luke McCown, Matt Barkley, Miami Dolphins, Notre Dame, Pete Carroll, Rafael Nadal, Raheem Morris, Roger Federer, Roger Goodell, Serena Williams, SportsChumpdate, Tampa Bay Buccaneers, US Open, USC, Venus Williams by Chris Humpherys. Bookmark the permalink.
30 thoughts on "Weekly SportsChumpdate featuring Lou Holtz, Brandon Marshall, Raheem Morris, Matt Barkley, Frank Sinatra and Do-overs"
Gene H on August 28, 2009 at 9:31 pm said:
You were at that game Thursday night? I feel for ya bruh. That was just brutal.. on both sides. And that head referee. WTF! How in the hell is he in the NFL?
I see Leftwich has not improved one damn bit since J'ville cut him. The one pass in five that actually hits the side of a barn, knocks a hole through the siding. Nice touch, B Left!
Lou has lost his damn mind! Irish will lose at least 4 games. Take that to Vegas. He must have gotten into his twin sister's (Granny Clampett) spring tonic.
Chris Humpherys on August 28, 2009 at 9:38 pm said:
Han… for a while there, we were all wishing the Bucs played in the Trop.
For a while I thought Morris should have gone with McCown but now I'm not so sure. He's got a tough choice to make and I don't think he's particularly happy with any one of them.
I'll take some of that tonic on ice now, please.
Hope Jokers Wild and Daybreak don't take offense to that Buckeye line.
Sonny C on August 29, 2009 at 2:27 pm said:
Sorry I missed the Sinatra rendition. Leftwich will start for the Bucs as they have no one better now. Long live the Fox!
Frank on August 29, 2009 at 2:36 pm said:
Great Sportschumpdate this week Chris. A few thoughts…..
1) I nearly fell off my couch this morning when I heard Dr. Lou's prediction for ND this coming season. I know he's a bit of an ND homer but I wonder if he's serious about that prediction.
2) Brandon Marshall is the most immature gutterball I've seen in the NFL in some time. Players do lots of bad shit whether it's DUI's, killing dogs, beating up girlfriends and wives but the only two unforgivable sins in pro sports are betting against your own team and intentionally dogging it in practice/game situations. I'd imagine that if given the opportunity, Brian Dawkins would take Marshall's head off during a scrimmage. You just don't quit on your teammates. What a piece of shit.
3) If you think Morris and McDaniels are starting to go gray, take a look at what Jim Schwartz is going to look like after his first year with the Lions:
http://blog.synthesis.net/wp-content/uploads/2009/04/cryptkeeper.jpg
4) That Cowboys scoreboard…. you've got to be kidding me. I can't believe the NFL isn't making Jerry raise the scoreboard. How do you drop 1.3 billion dollars on a stadium and have that glaring an error in construction? it's like building a mansion and realizing you forgot to put in a bathroom. Ridiculous!
Daybreak on August 29, 2009 at 3:59 pm said:
And now Buckeye fans can have our eyes light up times 3 since that game will be shown in 3D.
P.S.No offense taken.
Donny C… by any chance, did you happen to see the pictures of Brotha E and Pam Oliver?
Coulda been you, bra.
Kinda like the nights you missed those Orlando Magic cheerleaders or slept through the Ozomatli concert.
Good times, man.
Gatordebator…
Maybe Dr Lou's secretly putting pressure on Charlie Weis because he wants his old job back. And what's up with Syracuse starting Greg Paulus at QB? Talk about the demise of a program.
B Marshall is making his own bed… sloppily. Maybe we can assemble a team of misfits and miscreants for him to join. Oh wait, they have that already. They're called the Oakland Raiders.
I saw some video of Jerry Jones walking around the field with some dude that was laughing at the fact that footballs were hitting the scoreboard. I'm surprised that guy is still employed by the franchise. That was a HUGE blunder on their part.
DB… thanks for the update from Columbus. I fully expect Terrelle Pryor and the gang to destroy USC in that game, much to the delight of Buckeye nation.
Remember though, that's still a non-conference game and of sonsiderably lesser importance than the other conference games on your schedule.
I hate to take up for Jerry and the Boys, but the NFL told him to put the scoreboard at 85′. He put it at 90′. He has documentation to that effect. When the NFL pays the money to raise it, he'll raise it.
Seth Kaufman on August 31, 2009 at 8:35 am said:
Yes Chris the Bucs O was weak although once agian the running game looked pretty good and so did the running D. Pass D scares me a bit but I feel better having Philips back where he belongs and Hayes looks like he can play. A bit surprised you failed to mention that the Caddy came out of the garage and ran well. Maybe he breaks down, maybe he doesn't but the guy shows the heart of a champion. Since I drive 200 miles each way for every reg season home game let's hope it contageous!
As for ND, Weiss better hope Lou is right or his a$$ will be gone.
Chris Humpherys on August 31, 2009 at 11:36 am said:
Han, is that accurate? No wonder he's not sweating this then. And no wonder the NFL has his back.
Alan Parkins on August 31, 2009 at 11:41 am said:
Whoops Friedman hasn't quite yet bailed on the season. But they believe that it's in their best interest to trade Kazmir for prospects to named later. Isn't that like saying gimme' whatever you don't want. As long as you take him off our hands. The Rays were never in with a chance of making the playoffs. They've been far too inconsistent for much of the regular season. Most of the fans were pinning their hopes on pipe dreams to begin with. And that's merely because of the success of last year.
You gotta give Holtz for actually coming off the meds prescribed to him by Dr Conrad Murray. Whacko Jacko's personal doctor seems to have some sort of an effect on people when he over medicates them for some reason.
Raheem , Raheem where have you been ? Byron's the guy for now. But what happens mid-season when the Bucs are either 3-5 or even 2-6 ? What then ?
Josh Freeman becomes the answer to everyone's prayer . Oh my God what have they gotten themselves into ?
US Open at Flushing. Look no further than beyond the usual suspects. There won't be home bred winner amongst the men. But I expect Roddick to make the quarter finals. From there for him it'll be about his mental mindset , more than anything else.
In the women's it'll come down to the Williams sisters with Kuznetsova, Safina and perhaps Clijsters added into the mix as a pleasant surprise.
So what the hell ? It's only a scoreboard monitor that's cost the Cowboys some $400m . My concern would be the idiot who built that tented facility that collapsed and almost killed several of the team's training staff. How comes there's no outcry or actual concern there from the NFL ?
We seem to have lost the overall big picture, there. But then again I suppose if it'd been Romo and a couple of high profiled players that had either have been maimed or paralyzed , then there'd have been some cause for concern ?
Alan Parkins
Seth… from everything I'm hearing, the Bucs are going to run and run and run some more. With Ward, Williams and Graham, they have the horses to do so. We'll see if their offensive line can consistently create the holes they need to gain yardage.
Jagodzinski is hoping once opposing defenses will stack the line to allow Leftwich to start throwing the football around the yard. He's going to go with what defenses give him and understands the important difference between 2nd and 4 versus 2nd and 7.
Here's hoping they'll be able to execute that gameplan.
Answer me this question. Is Barkley being paid enough to play for the USC Trojans ? Or has it come down to the fact that the others weren't that good enough ? Inquiring minds need to know ?
Brandon Marshall swears he was just venting his frustrations. I guess the ball boy must've called him an a_shole or something that really pi_sed him off then ?
aero on August 31, 2009 at 12:54 pm said:
Hey Rev, I think Coach Morris made the right call on going with Leftwich. McCown has got a good arm, but a little slower on the reads than Byron.
What are your thoughts on the Kazmir trade? My feeling is that it was the right move. They had to unload that contract.
Take it easy brother.
Al… the Rays were not going to be able to keep both Kazmir and Crawford next year with the salaries they make. I don't think they liked letting Kazmir go but it was a necessary evil for a small market team. At least this means they're serious about keeping C.C.
The Bucs are caught between a rock and a hard place with their QB situation and they know it. They need to hope some other teams starter goes down so they can dangle some trade bait in front of them. My instinct tells me McCown will be the bait offered.
Re: Federer, I'm assuming you voted that he'd win the Open in the poll on the main page.
Al… I've told you before, if you keep talking smack about USC, Lisa Horne and Snoop Dogg are gonna come looking for you.
Alan Parkins on August 31, 2009 at 2:16 pm said:
If you didn't catch the UFC 102 event over the weekend . I've done a piece on it. Let me know what you think as to the merits of the piece ? As and when you're ready I'll look forward to reading your comments.
Can Someone Tell Me Why ?
Thanks as always !
Aer… like I told Al earlier, I think trading Kazmir was a necessary evil for the franchise. Or at least that's the word coming out of Andrew Friedman.
Now, if they lose both Kazmir AND Crawford, then you'll be looking at an organization with its head up its rear. But I do think they'll keep C.C., I do think the franchise wants to win and I do think they're looking forward to the prospects they get in the Kazmir deal.
I'll admit my first reaction to the Kazmir trade was that they were giving up on the season but I don't think that's the case. It's not as if he was actually their 'ace.' It was more a question of what made the most sense to give up while still getting something in return and keeping Carl Crawford in Rays gear.
aero on August 31, 2009 at 3:17 pm said:
My sentiments exactly. I would just like to thank Kaz for the strong showing in his last two stars which helped the Rays in more way than one.
Although it is true that it ain't over till it's over, the fat lady is warming up for the Rays season. Oh well, there's always next year.
Aer… if it were just a battle between the Rangers and the Rays, I'd like Tampa's chances.
But throw Boston into the mix and the Rays are in trouble.
Byrd's solid outing last night after having released both Penny and Smoltz was exactly what Beantown was hoping for.
Al… I didn't get to watch the fight but I did leave a comment on your piece. Nicely done. Hope they don't say the same thing about us as we get old(er).
When it comes to college ball I'm an equal opportunity antagonist. That being said 'til the fuore there is cleaned up, there'll always be questions asked as to the transparency of the program. You and I both know it's not as clean as they're making it out to be . Hell even Lisa , herself knows it to be true. But she won't step up to the plate and say it. They're all too busy there in LA clearing their eyes and throats from the smog and crap thet they've become use to.
Alan Parlins
There are but only twp things that could derail Federer. His complacency and should Nadal be completely healthy and hit his stride.
As to getting older why the hell do you think Obama wants universal healthcare. It'll help out the bums playing for the Cubs. Even if he supports the Chi-Sox. He's got to help some of his hometwon boys.
Sternberg doesn't want to spend any of his own money to strengthen the team . So I'm not aghast by the trade. If anything it's only a precursor of things to come. Be they good bad or indifferent. I don't believe they'll be here within the next two years , anyway ! The stadium issue still hasn't been resolved . And now with Crist and his ambitions lying elsewhere. Watch and see if this doesn't just all fall through the cracks.
Chris Humpherys on September 1, 2009 at 10:00 am said:
Big series coming up here in town with the Sox-Rays. The Sox are throwing out their big guns.
What's your take on all this Michigan madness? Rich Rodriguez is crying and he hasn't even played Ohio State yet.
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