TENEMENT, BY STUART SNELSON
[1] In the event of fire, he would be first out.
[2] Each nearing ninety they hibernated, content in each other's company.
[3] Permanently pyjamaed, slipshod to the shops she slopped. Needs must.
[4] Blind, his neighbour cooked his meals. She took no money.
[5] Receiving visitors at all hours, he questioned his neighbour's virtue.
[6] For a reasonable fee she taught English to recent immigrants.
[7] Unaware that he was against regulations, her dog yapped incriminatingly.
[8] Television, her faithful companion, what would she do without it?
[9] Humane attempts to catch mice had failed. Torture would prevail.
[10] Concealing bruises she prepared to face the world. He lounged.
[11] Deaf she was spared her neighbour's bloodcurdling arguments. Small mercy.
[12] Would tomorrow's trudge to the bookies for once be rewarding?
[13] Hearing rumours she had warned her children. They told friends.
[14] Sensing the neighbourhood had gone downhill, she yearned to relocate.
[15] Uninvited men often called demanding payments; they were violently persuasive.
[16] Her husband now lived in sin on the seventh floor.
[17] When exactly would he alert others to his missing snake?
[18] She passed her days completing jigsaws. Evenings were less exhausting.
[19] Having fled genocide, her mornings were spent opening indecipherable post.
[20] Yesterday he saw loan sharks knocking on his neighbour's door.
[21] Cowering silently, he ignored callers. He heard they broke fingers.
[22] Wet pain, the sign had said. Puzzled, he eventually twigged.
[23] She knitted gifts for her family; they hid the results.
[24] The inviting smells emanating from her flat proved unreplicated recipes.
[25] Since the lift broke, she had struggled with the stairs.
[26] Her daughter made enquiries. Had anybody seen her pet hamster?
[27] Coiled around a u-bend, an exotic intruder awaited its discoverer.
[28] Having missed the misspelt sign, he had ruined his jacket.
[29] She knew this much: he would not touch her children.
[30] In lieu of a garden, he maintained a window box.
[31] Inadvisably lycraed she jogged locally. Children pointed, weight dropped off.
[32] Since next door's new arrival, he hadn't slept a wink.
[33] They left the pram outside; space did not allow it.
[34] Her daughter's birthday presents would vie with food for priority.
[35] We buy gold, said the leaflet. Good luck, he thought.
[36] Room enough for three, seven people lived in irritable intimacy.
[37] She regularly babysat neighbour's children, wished they were her own.
[38] Single motherhood had annihilated her. Elsewhere the father slept soundly.
[39] Struggling to spell paedophile, he opted to spray nonce instead.
[40] She was unaware that her son had broken the lift.
[41] Doors were not closed but slammed, arguments became communal affairs.
[42] He hated neighbours who left bagged rubbish outside their door.
[43] Having bought his son a drum-kit, he awaited the repercussions.
[44] Cleaning houses for a living, she relaxed by living squalidly.
[45] Curious residents speculated whether she had always been a woman.
[46] Lovesick, he cared little whether she was born that way.
[47] Extortionate phone bills emphasised her distance from home, her isolation.
[48] Sat dead three days, decomposition would eventually alert the neighbours.
[49] Squatting, they were not altogether popular. They kept low profiles.
[50] Nervously storing stolen goods, he fortified his flat against burglars.
[51] Passing time he wrote poetry, sought rhymes for fetid stench.
[52] Never exactly welcome, the police visited frequently. They never forgot.
[53] At night he fantasised about crippling the little drummer boy.
[54] Parties could last until dawn. Neighbours were invited, though unwelcome.
[55] He prayed for new neighbours. His god proved otherwise engaged.
[56] Of the block's seventeen different languages, hers was the rarest.
[57] He had urinated against the nonce's front door. Others followed.
[58] He had heard the rumours, thought he looked the type.
[59] Soon, thank god, she would move into her own place.
[60] Same bed, third wife: how would he fuck this up?
[61] Third generation, neighbours still called him foreign. Grandchildren might assimilate.
[62] At his wife's insistence, he smoked outside their front door.
[63] Impatiently awaiting her son's return from war, she slept badly.
[64] From nappies to fatigues, she watched her neighbour's son mature.
[65] Misunderstanding graffitied arabesques, he blamed the wall's scrawls on immigrants.
[66] They had exchanged flats with friends. Their friends had won.
[67] A lottery win would solve all his problems. Fingers crossed.
[68] Their union jack doormat was desecrated nightly by work boots.
[69] Hangings too good for 'em. He contemplated more barbaric options.
[70] Should he return to his wife? There were fewer stairs.
[71] Training his telescope on the heavens, he forgot the world.
[72] Cultivating aromatic plants by artificial light, he had many visitors.
[73] For purely medicinal reasons, he was often found next door.
[74] Born in this flat she would likely die in it.
[75] Were the rumours true? He had always harboured sneaking suspicions.
[76] He had watched his neighbour scrub nonce from his door.
[77] Through her peephole she had watched them pissing. Little animals.
[78] Recently he had physically assaulted his neighbour. Charges were dropped.
[79] Fearing vigilantes, he climbed onto his window-ledge, prepared to jump.
[80] If he moved would he miss the sound of sirens?
[81] Not entirely convinced, but dutiful, he sided with his son.
[82] Training his telescope on the adjacent block, he bloated tissues.
[83] Through thin walls she listened, alone, to endless orgiastic encounters.
[84] Nocturnal gymnastics had taken their toll, a new bed beckoned.
[85] Mobility reduced he relied on his daughter. She injected recreationally.
[86] Was their flat haunted? Things seemed to disappear: money, jewellery.
[87] How did mice get up here? Not in the lift.
[88] She enjoyed parading naked. From neighbouring blocks men watched aghast.
[89] Binoculared men told him what she did. He joined them.
[90] Outside, his car rusted whilst he saw out his ban.
[91] Tablets ensured sleep. The rest of her problems went unresolved.
[92] Eventually someone would buy his novel. Meanwhile, he ate cheaply.
[93] She volunteered for the Samaritans. Disembodied voices haunted her dreams.
[94] Nine flights up, anticipating breathless recrimination, he awaited his take-away.
[95] Uncertain what to believe he went with instinct: crucify him.
[96] Instigator of rumours, had he gone too far this time?
[97] His flat was a birdwatcher's paradise. Alas, he hated birds.
[98] Slowly the stairs were killing him. He needed new knees.
[99] Broadcasting illegally through rooftop aerials, they rode the airwaves piratically.
[100] Empty it would soon be filled. A waiting list groaned.