The Moment You Feel Yourself Alive
is the moment of enlightenment.
Photo by Jared Erondu on Unsplash
Morning light stroke her. For as long as she could remember, she has been waking up in the same bed, first-floor apartment with a mountain view. From this perspective, life couldn't be better. She would have a sugary pastry and freshly brewed organic coffee for breakfast.
Each morning, she would be free to do whatever she wanted.
But then, there was her inner world — and the feeling of being in it indicated something completely different. In this world, other people had expectations towards her. Upon waking up, the inner world would dictate her manner of acting outwardly. That's because deep inside her — there was an assumption.
She was supposed to do something specific with her life. And before she knew what it was, she would just know every day was wasted. Every day without a purpose felt like a waste of life.
On the outside, the sun was just beginning to lurk from behind the mountain, inviting her to smile. But she would stubbornly remain on her meditation pillow, eyes closed and face straight. She was focusing hard on reaching a conclusion. On coming up with an idea — one that wouldn't bore her after a few days.
She was trying very hard not to lose awareness of her breath, be here and now, and be aware of her thoughts.
That's why she was not able to notice the sun rising in front of her shut eyelids.
One morning, she allowed herself to lose awareness and started daydreaming. This is when she realised what the daydream was. What the shapes reappearing in her mind were like. What the ever-present theme was — even when all she was doing was trying to focus on her breath. Certain images of how life is supposed to be were not going away, no matter what.
Suddenly, she felt a strike of pain running through her forehead, reminding her of the fact that she was still alive. She was indeed in the physical reality, more than in her mind, her soul, her imagination. It didn't matter much that the sensation was painful. She could feel that she was alive.
Enlightenment is not a magnificent moment that will happen somewhere in the future, when you will have grown, and matured, and experienced a lot of physical and emotional suffering. It doesn't come with accolades or applause, or even recognition. It is simply the moment when you feel yourself alive.
Don't miss it.
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