Learning for love: romance through the language barrier
Learning your partner's native language can bring bilingual couples closer – but there are plenty of roadblocks to avoid, says Anne Merritt.
By Anne Merritt 05 June 2013 • 07:00 am
Language of love: Penelope Cruz and Tom Cruise, pictured in 'Vanilla Sky', became a bilingual couple in real life. Credit: Photo: Reuters
Linguists who study business communication know that language is power, and that native speakers have an edge in international transactions. The same is true in romance.
And intercultural relationships and marriages are on the rise in the UK. According to a study by Eurostat, nearly 9 per cent of marriages in the UK include a foreign-born spouse. In many of those relationships, the partners have different native languages.
But this is not necessarily a roadblock in relationships. Bilingual couples can grow closer by sharing their language and culture. What's more, their children benefit from advanced linguistic skills and sharper cultural sensitivity. Although these benefits are great, they do require work and awareness for both partners. Here are four tips for bilingual dating.
>> Easiest foreign languages: in pictures
Study!
Even if your partner has lived and worked in an English-speaking country for a decade, and communicates comfortably in English. Even if their native language is as common as Spanish, or as obscure as Eritrean.
The reason? It creates a more balanced level of communication, in which both of you can speak your minds comfortably. Also, when it comes to meeting friends or in-laws, or visiting the partner's home country, that extra effort will help strengthen your understanding of where your other half came from. Furthermore, when children enter the picture, it would create an imbalance in the parenting roles if the child shared a language with only one parent and not the other.
>> Top 10 foreign language faux pas: in pictures
Don't make your partner your translator
In your language learning efforts, your partner will be a great resource when it comes to practising, or picking up colloquialisms and slang. For study, though, it's better to seek out a language class, learning software, or quality textbooks.
Study can sometimes be frustrating, tedious, or stressful. We all remember from our school days that even the keenest learners can get annoyed with their teachers. This isn't an easy dynamic to bring into the relationship. It would be pretty unromantic if date nights turned into tutoring sessions, and you partner may begin to feel used and resentful.
>> Best languages to study: in pictures
Clarify to quell fights
Many couple arguments stem from miscommunication, even when both partners are from the same region and speaking the same native tongue. Imagine, then, how many misunderstandings must occur in couples where there is a partial language barrier.
Different cultures have different degrees of direct or indirect communication strategies. They also have varying ideas of what is considered appropriate or taboo. Your partner might make a comment that sounds crude or hurtful, when in fact that wasn't the intention. In these situations, ask for clarification before getting upset. Sometimes the problem was really just a poor choice of words.
Hopefully, after getting to know your partner and learning more about their language and culture, couples will be able to anticipate which topics and words are considered sensitive.
Learn about their standard of love
In any relationship, both partners may have different expectations, but in an intercultural romance, these differences tend to be more extreme.
Different regions of the world have different expectations about dating, marriage, the role of a husband/wife, the role of the in-laws, etc. Often, when it comes to these cultural expectations, we tend to assume that our version of these standards is the "normal" version, and forget that other cultures will have different ones.
Learning about your partner's cultural standards off the bat may save a lot of confusion and arguing down the road.
Anne Merritt is an EFL lecturer currently based in South Korea. She writes at http://annemerritt.com/
International body language: a language with no words
How to pronounce foreign languages
Pictographs: the death of foreign language learning?
What motivates us to learn foreign languages?
Learn a foreign language for free: top five resources
Foreign languages: how to memorise vocabulary
Learning a foreign language: five most common mistakes
Foreign languages: the 10 easiest to learn
How to avoid embarrassing foreign language faux pas
Oxford academics lobby for 'race champion' to hold staff to account
By Craig Simpson 16 Jan 2021, 10:00am
The 20 bars you must visit in 2021
By Emma Cooke 16 Jan 2021, 9:58am