It's common for parents to emotionally own their children's behavior and it really hurts.
You need to remember that teens have autonomy and the ability to make decisions for themselves. Unfortunately in society we commonly blame parents for the decisions of youth.
Parenting is hard for you because you care. Parents who don't care don't worry as much.
If you worry, that's a good sign that you care. You shouldn't worry all the time or be overwhelmed by it, just let it motivate you to be a good parent.
When things happen with your teen, ask yourself whether you're seeing their behavior or your behavior. It's true you may have taught them better, but they have a lot of autonomy. They're trying to figure out who they are and where they fit. They're not necessarily in opposition to you.
Brief communication in passing- say "be safe tonight, see you at ten". Don't break your stride, don't lecture. Just communicate briefly your expectations.