I was fully planning to spend the morning writing a blog about my recent trip to Africa. However, try as I might, God kept putting something else on my heart. My Mom.
My Mom and I haven't always been close. In fact, there was a season of life where I honestly believed I hated her.
While that breaks my heart now, and God has provided so much healing in our family, it was the reality for most of my young-adult life.
Over the past few years, I've been feeling like I need to do something significant for my Mom when I turned 30.
I'm shocked to say that day is quickly approaching, and today I felt the urgency to get my ducks in a row.
Below is the start of the book I am creating for my Mom.
Moms and Daughters I would LOVE to get your feedback, and I'm sure there are a million things I haven't thought of on this list.
Daughters, I would love to know what was your mom, grandma, loved one right about?
Mom's what would mean a ton to you to hear from your daughter/son?
I'm hoping to refine the list, refine the stories, and hand my Mom a fully illustrated version one month from now.
For this project, I'm also building out a website where others can order a personalized version (complete with illustrations) for their loved ones as well.
I have to admit that transitioning decades has brought up a lot of things.
Some of them include: reflection, celebration, tears, bargaining, acceptance, anger, joy, mood swings, weight gain, weight loss, reassessment of my life and goals, contemplating getting a tattoo or piercing to stay relevant, moments of euphoria followed by moments of harsh reality, and even filling up the online carts of every store that I love and not purchasing a thing…just to feel better.
However, throughout the course of all of these moments I have come to realize one common thread.
Now, before you have a flash back to 1998, and begin to subconsciously relive some of my most gloriously horrific Junior High moments… I want to clarify, that this time, when I say YOU were the common thread, it's NOT like the times before.
I think at this point you've realized that I am about to say something BIG and a bit untraditional.
In fact, to put it in perspective, I'm about to say something that may change the entire course of our relationship …. FOR-EV-ER.
YOU WERE RIGHT! YOU WERE RIGHT! YOU WERE RIGHT!
I hope I'm being clear.
I know that you aren't used to hearing that from me.
I also know that I just used that phrase more times than I ever have accumulatively throughout my entire life…but getting old really puts things into perspective.
I also realize (because you taught me) that like an apology, which I guess in some ways this kind of is… It is important to not just say "sorry" but to specifically state WHAT you are sorry for.
So the next few pages are dedicated to telling you some, not all (I honestly have blocked some out to cope), of the things that I know beyond a shadow of a doubt that you were right about.
I hope that these show you that I have learned, grown, and ultimately succumbed to the truth that you weren't old, boring, and out of touch…you were actually the smartest and most put together person in the room.
Thank you for loving me even when I took you, your love, and your advice for granted.
Thank you for praying that I'd someday realize I didn't know everything.
And most of all, thank you for the times you said no, the times you spoke truth when I didn't want to hear it, and the times that you forgave my youthful ignorance and zeal – and sometimes outright rebellion.
You chose me. Even when I was an idiot.
I hope these next few pages make some of that adventure worth it… I LOVE YOU.
While I could easily turn this into a funny, yet slightly shocking and uncomfortable diatribe of terrible boyfriends past, I'd instead like to focus not on the dumb decisions I made…but on the things you told me about boys that were in fact, life-changingly accurate.
All the times you said, "5, 10, 20 years from now this won't bother you" is TRUE! All the rejection, not getting asked to homecoming, or drama with boys didn't ruin my life, and have in fact gotten me closer to me finding the incredible man that you always prayed I'd chose – even if it's not one of Holman boys (who I have to admit turned out pretty amazing – so I guess you were right about that too).
Your prayers, advice, and love have continued to protect me from ultimately ending up with the wrong guy…even if there were some scares in there from time to time.
This one, I must admit pains me greatly.
Budgeting was the source of many of our arguments over the years.
I can now humbly admit that I should have spent less time arguing with you, and more time learning and saving.
Be happy with what you have. Things DON'T make you happy – and we are so blessed it's not even funny. Plus it's way easier to be happy when you can pay your bills and you aren't swimming in a pool of debt designed to drown you and ruin your life..
There's not a better feeling in the world than saving up for something you REALLY want, and then being able to purchase it.
Life actually WAS the simplest when you provided for all of my needs … anyway you'd consider taking in a newly reformed 30 year old?
I know. This one made you do a double take, and catch your breath.
Yes. I did literally and figuratively eat those words when I arrived at college and realized that I didn't even know how to boil water to make mac and cheese.
While you had every right to laugh in my face, mock me, and relish in the pure joy of having your child finally understand the error of her ways and succumb to your side, you didn't.
Instead, you choose to spend hours on FaceTime with me. Teaching me. Sending me recipe's that reminded me of home. And helping me harness and master the brilliant magic of the crock-pot.
I deserved to starve. You choose to help me learn and grow.
Cooking is possible. Yes. It is totally intimidating at first. But, with some practice, I actually am capable of making a full meal without adding an ingredient twice, or burning it beyond recognition (although my YoungLife girls can all attest to my learning process on this one).
Cooking is FUN. Yes, I know. Words you also never thought I'd say. I actually love cooking, trying new things, and the pride of eating something I took the time to prepare.
Cooking saves money. A lot of money.
I can still be social and cook at home. Having people over is often more fun, and less money than going out to eat.
Cooking is healthier for your body than eating out all the time. Although, my appreciation for this may be tied to the fact that at 30 my 18 year old metabolism is now a figment of my imagination (which, you told me would happen eventually…).
Meal planning is a gift from Heaven.
Leftovers are not evil minions left in the fridge to destroy your dreams of ever eating a good fresh meal again. They are AWESOME. Not to mention time and cost effective.
Packing a lunch for work is a stroke of genius. Also, lunch boxes are pretty cool.
Boys like food. I know I've said the one before, but you were so right…they really like food!
Of all the fights we've been in, the topic of chores was sure a doosey. While you were not oblivious to my obvious, and sometimes sneaky (or so I thought) attempts to avoid chores, you were always victorious in your attempts to actually get me to do them.
In the moment, the cleaning my room instead of going to mall with my friends, watering the plants instead of laying by the pool, and vacuuming the house instead of watching re-runs of Full House and Saved By The Bell, seemed like cruel and unusual punishment. However, 20 years later, I am happy to announce that I, in fact, can see your side.
WOW! Kari, this is awesome! What a beautiful tribute to your mom! I think she and I must have grown up so much the same because I heard her words were echoing mine to my kids! It's amazing what God can do in our lives when we have Godly mothers! I know my mom was my rock and her words to me became my words to my kids – valuable because they were based on instruction from God's Word and life's experience. The old saying, "with age comes wisdom" really rings true in my life!