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A great post! I homeschooled my two boys. A different experience for each. As to what I wish I'd learned earlier for myself–being smart and nerdy is a *good* thing.
You're a wise mother to realize that children require a individual experience. Not everyone learns in the same way. I'll bet they really appreciate you!
Your "growth is not threatening" comment is interesting, because it relates to a subject that I've been thinking about lately. We often hear both about the youthful judgmentalism of home schooled kids, and about the vicious peer pressure faced by public school kids. It seems that young folks of both groups define themselves by who they are not. Both feel a need to contrast themselves with others in their quest to see who they are. I rather think that to some degree, this is simply a necessary developmental stage. However, it's also the job of a parent to help kids grow through their "stages" with as much grace and kindness for others as possible. The question I've been pondering is how to best do this.
For myself, I think that if my world had been less about the "other" whom we were not to associate with (the "worldly" people, or "nominal Christians" or "public schooled kids") and more about appreciating the perspective that everyone had to offer, it would have been better for me. It was meeting people of all different sorts that knocked (most of) the judgementalism out of me.