Amazingly, I wrote this sometime ago. Unfortunately, I am still looking the last girl wasn't ready for the note she accepted. I am still optimistic. I have started to date again and in doing so figure that now is a good time to remind myself that sometimes LOVE is: YES, NO, or MAYBE. FIND THE YES! Or at least the person willing to try to say YES. Sometimes, I find myself longing for the days of simply taking a sheet of paper, smiling at a young lady and passing her a note that said: yes, no, maybe. The young lady would check one and right then as clear as day you knew where you stood. The good is that it is beyond clear. Even when maybe was checked you knew that the girl didn't hate you she was just unsure or wanted you as a friend. Nowadays, dating is more like a thousand boxes: yes, no, maybe, hell no, don't know, confused bout self, damaged, I would if I were straight, only until I find what I'm really looking for, and etc. The list goes on and on. True, I like the depth relationships I have now and would not trade it for puppy love; however, recently over the last year I find myself wondering what happened to simply the truth. Before we had our hearts broke, we trusted, we loved, we kept our rose colored love shades on for as long as possible wishing the best of people and not trying to dissect what may be wrong. We chose to actively view the positive and just accept it.
I know this may have lead to kiddy heartache but for the relationship, life was grand. It was grand because we chose it too be. The men would give our letterman jackets or class rings to the girl after they checked yes and it was sealed. Girlfriend! There was no waiting period, or searching out period, or protective period, simply I like you let's see if WE can make it work. Now everyone is so afraid to trust. We have to investigate who you are, simultaneoulsy date others to protect our hearts, and carefully wade in because of the damage that others have done to us. Maybe, I am a romantic fool but I miss the days where if she gave you a hug and kiss or asked you to walk her home not because she was afraid to walk alone but merely because she wanted your company. There is a simple beautiful feeling from a woman needing you when you know that she does not need you but only craves for you to complement her being. Keeping company now, sitting, talking face to face has been replaced by texting, indirect dialogue and the fear that if we do meet and spend actual time. I may fall in love and that is dangerous so I need to keep distance.
Distance has become what we actually seek. We don't technically want to be close. Close is scary. Checking Yes is scary. Sometimes we even check No because of fear of what Yes may end in. We have been disappointed over time and the actions of people that lead us to fear checking Yes. The problem is when we chose to spend time alone, or eating with friends, or dating many, then our chances for Yes slowly fade away. I wonder how many Yes's I missed fooling with No's, Maybe's, or my own fear to check Yes. Some people say I'm a fool because I rush in. They say I have no fear of rejection or let down. The say you just had your heart broken by divorce. Do you just not get it? I get it. I get that if I never give her the note and try. I will never find my Yes. To me never finding my yes is worse than recieving a No or finding that the Yes was a not quite. Nevertheless, You have to choose to try and not let fear make you hold the note.