I know, finally here is an update ..
Still awaiting the Hospital to send my notes to the GP so I can get a referral for the Rheumatologist. My last visit with the Consultant was along the lines of: Yes you have Rheumatism.. and that's it?!
Other than that I feel so dar tired most days..
On a serious note though, I've never really met such kind folk. Very nice people.
I outlined the reasons why I wanted to leave the mental health field and also why I wish to (temporarily) leave the teaching field. I just don't feel it's a good decision to jump back into teaching after being on sick-leave for such a long time. I was told I'd be notified within a week but got the brown envelope alot sooner!
After discussing with a good friend whom I started teaching with back in the days, we came up with a job that I wrote an application for and await an answer. I should get some feedback within the next week or so. And how do I feel about all this?
The present artshow in Cardiff is going well. My Black Kabah piece: Change has been sold. Alhamdulila. Very much chuffed about that!
I am currently trying to make some work for the IslamExpo event in London taking place the first week of July. I thought I'd re-do the Black piece again :-) But it's not proving an easy task doing art these days. My fingers are still feeling very stiff and in pain.
That has to be the 'No Entry Zone'.
I sent an application for Incapacity Benefit after my return from Pakistan, together with 2 other pieces of paperwork. And isn't it odd: they only recieved 2 out of the 3 forms? Which of course meant that I had to re-do another form and despatch it off! Do people actually realise how difficult and cumbersome it is to ask individuals to re-do forms? On another note, I called the Job Centre regarding where my sick-note should be posted to and was told to post it to the 'same place where you posted it last time' !!!!
Well - dime-bar me can't remember where I posted it last time as my previous one was ages ago! And only then I was given an address. It is really amazing walking into the Job Centre: you get this look as if you're dumb, thick and stupid.
My finances are absolutely messed up. I keep getting pop-up messages from the bank asking me to put an over-draft facility in place or to take out a loan. No I am not tempted.
I have almost given up hope of the Benefits System helping me in time - oops correction: I mean I'm not relying upon getting that money soon at all! I am hoping that more of the artwork will get sold some time sooney :-) So pretty people reading this, if you happen to know of anyone wanting artywork - send them this way!
It is still hard for me to reach for certain things without knocking others over and thus maintain a neat environment 24/7. And yes, at times some things which I have 'put down' do tend to stay there for over a week. By the end of a week, my desk is littered with letters, stationery, books and other bits and pieces which look at me and ask for them to be kindly put back into their appropriate places.
I find it amazing at times what has happened and how things have shaped out.
and I know that He will once again Give Life as Al-Muhiy and bring Light to my world as An-Nur.
I've also lost emails which were in the Inbox :-/ and so those of you who've emailed since my return from Pakistan - well I don't have your emaily addresses! Especially: M, F and N!
I'm getting fed up of listening to people using certain terms out of context. So fed up that I wonder sometimes whether we will ever observe an element of sensitivity towards mental health. Not even sensitivity - when will we be aware enough to recognise what we are saying.. and the impact of the words we choose?
Since being on leave - and out of the mental health field - I've come across people slipping certain words in random conversations; at times in a manner invoking humour or sarcasm! And to be frank I find it absolutely disgusting, yes I do - I don't like it one bit dear people. Especially from people who are faith-abiding and mature.
At times I've had to stop people in their conversation and asked them whether they really were feeling that way or suffering from the cited condition.. and they turned round and said "Nope". So why on earth are you using those words mate?
I recognise that mental wellbeing is a topic our society has only now started to talk about, and that it is healthy we are able to discuss what we feel. And I know it will take time for us to throw the stigmatic cloak away from our conversations. I also recognise the value of sharing ones' emotional being with others and that sometimes we just can't find more appropriate words to describe how we feel. But I am very concerned at the choice of vocabulary we are beginning to use, especially in our casual day-to-day chats. Do we forget th at 1 in 4 people will be affected by Mental Illness in their lifetime here in the UK?
One example may be the oft-cited word: "depressed". So many people tell me they are feeling depressed.. But having worked with people who have been sunk in depression for many years.. and knowing loved ones who have undergone a period of depression - I find it a word which is fast losing its' meaning; how many of us really know what it is like to be depressed? To be in a tearful, frightful state wishing death at every opportunity and feeling unworthy of a single breath? Do we actually realise that is how depressed people feel? not for one day or two days - but for several weeks, months and years.
I guess I'm just being harsh.
But this is how I truly feel. I don't like words used out of context and want to know why people do that? We never do it when speaking of physical health conditions - so why do we do it when speaking about mental health conditions?
The artwork is something I have been working on since last Ramadhan. It is called 'Circles of Knowledge' and although I talk about the artwork over at Tranquil Zone and I will be doing so in future - I'd like to mention here that I started this work when I realised that the only thing which will elevate me from my condition is knowledge. And that there is alot which is sacred about the learning process.
As human beings we need to realise that when we interact with those around us, we need to be aware of our language. We live in an ever-changing world where we come across many people from all sorts of backgrounds and life experiences. As odd as it seems last night I started reading The Method Of Learning By Imam al-Zarnuji..
We are the followers of a Tradition which has a Book that has no word placed out of context. A Creator who has used the best of words when addressing us. We should honour this and out of the respect for this, we should inculcate a sound terminology when meeting the world.
I was standing next to a wall waiting for the bus last week as I needed to get into City. I looked at the coins in my hand and then at their years. I've always loved doing that..
and a few 'new' ones.
Wow - those two coins are older than me! I thought.
...how many people have come in touch with the coins since 1971? How many people eh? And where are they now?
What must have people done to get these coins?
Someone obviously manufactured them by the permission of Her Majesty.
The coin was then sent out to the banks.
It was someones' birthday present.
The cost of someo nes' funeral.
Might have been used to feed someones' drug addiction.
Taken from some poor soul who was carelessly mugged.
May have been dropped and lost.
For someone else to pick from the floor.
I write this on the backdrop of having completed a form for the second time as the benefits agency claim they didn't receive it; although I sent it with 2 other pieces of paperwork which they have received! I also write on the back-drop of having been on leave since February 2005. And as someone who will have to take a break from the well-earning job as she feels she can no longer do it in full swing and smiles.
The journey of our coins is a great metaphor for recognising the temporal nature of wealth.
Our wealth goes up and down just as the coin comes in our hands and then leaves it. Whilst it is in our hands, we are responsible of behaving in a manner conducive to the wellbeing of our spirituality and our role as ambassadors of a Just Creator.
Thus we must remember the do's and don'ts of being the possessors of such coins.
DO love your family more than the coin.
DO give it to charity to purify its' worth.
DO remember it is creation; and not the Creator.
DO give thanks when you are given it in ample supply.
DO ensure you deal justly with it.
DO borrow it to others if they need it - ensure you have witnesses though.
DON'T forget to re-pay your debts.
DON'T cheat or swindle to obtain it.
DON'T use it to br ibe your way in this world.
DON'T show off with it; here today - gone tomorrow.
DON'T use it to take the rights of others.
DON'T be upset because sometimes you won't have it.
DON'T be greedy when you have lots of it.
DON'T lose the principles of honesty and hard-work when you are offered a medium of attaining it through harming creation.
DON'T forget that you are not allowed to take any to the next world.
Please don't blur your vision over the love of money. Yes we all need it.. But we have a Lord who has alloted certain amounts for each one of us. I can assure you, you will get what has been set aside for you before leaving this world.