Kelly at Kelly's Korner is doing a link up today for working moms. I love all of Kelly's link ups because they are such a great way for me to connect personally with other bloggers who are similar (or even different) than me. I love finding other Christians, moms, moms of boys, bloggers from my state and geographical region, and interesting bloggers from other parts of the country or world. I really don't discriminate in my choice of blogs to read and follow! But yes, her blog link up party today is especially for working moms which I do appreciate. Kelly is a stay-at-home mom, but I love that she appreciates that there are all types of moms just doing the best that we can to be the best moms we can be to our children. I don't like to ever seem judgmental to working or stay-at-home moms because I know that both lifestyles have a lot of difficulties.
Side Rant: Of course, there are always exceptions to this, and I know that there may be "moms" out there that aren't that great at this very important "job." Just this morning on the radio (I listen to Bob & Sheri's nationwide but Charlotte based morning talk radio show on the way to work), they mentioned something that appeared in the media recently about one of those lovely reality TV "infamous" stars from MTV's Teen Mom. Apparently, one of the very young and very irresponsible moms from the show has resorted to being a pornstar to "make money," and when the media asked her how she felt about not spending very much time with her young four year old daughter, she was quoted as saying something like, "She does her thing, and I do mine. It's healthy!" Um, healthy, really? Healthy for a four year old child to have free reign and no real mother-figure present in her life. I have a two year old and a six year old little boy, and while my six year old does pretty well independently, I still wouldn't trust him to make it on his own, and I definitely do not see my two year old being that capable in two more years. Okay, side rant over!
Anyway, I just thought in the spirit of this link up and in case any working mom bloggers want to connect, I thought I would share my experience as a working mom. I think I have a unique perspective as a mom who has been both a stay at home mom and a working mom. When my first son was born in 2007, I was very worried about the prospect of having to continue working my present job because I was having to travel over an hour each way to work every day, and I knew the strain this would place on my ability to be a mother to my young son. My husband and I had decided to just have faith that something would be worked out by the time he was born. My husband had put in for a job transfer to Charlotte in the months previous to his birth, but he didn't officially find out he got the job until we were in the delivery room preparing to deliver our son. Crazy, right? God's timing isn't always our timing! Anyway, in those first months after our son was born, we had to prepare for a very big move, figure out how to live on one income until I could return to work, and learn to care for a newborn.
Side Note: My husband is such a wonderful man and a wonderful provider. His profession requires a college education and a state certification to perform. Much like a teacher (although without summers off), his job doesn't pay well for the qualifications, but he has hopes of moving up in his field and making a difference in a very important way. He has already made a lot of positive impact on the Mecklenburg County area although he doesn't get much credit for it. He has single-handedly been responsible for planting more trees in the most urban county in our state in the last few years than any other county in the state. I am not kidding, folks, he is very dedicated to his work as a forester! He also goes above and beyond to earn extra money for our family and has come to the aid of our nation on many occasions assisting with many natural and man-made disasters, including forest fire fighting all over the country, assisting with hurricane clean up and relief (including Katrina and Rita in the Gulf coast areas), assisting with the Gulf oil spill clean up, assisting with recovering the parts (and bodies...yikes!) of the Columbia Shuttle disaster, and many other important tasks all while having to be away from his family for weeks at a time. He has also been a stellar dad often being a "single" dad while I was attending law school at night for the past four years. He'd never want me to "glorify" any of these duties, but I don't want anyone to think that my husband is lazy and doesn't do his part to support our family. Other "jobs" may pay more, but I doubt few have been as beneficial to the world we live in! Side note over.
So we prepared to move to Charlotte with our newborn son. We had purchased our first home together just two years previously in a very rural area of eastern NC. As you know, it does take years to really build up equity in a home so it is no surprise that we couldn't just afford to sell our house for less than we bought it for and pay a realtor's commission (which don't get me started on that deal when I have been very disappointed in realtors who expect to make six percent off a real estate sale while putting in very little effort to help find a buyer for the property). Also, we have tried to do the "responsible" thing and keep our house out of foreclosure despite the downturn in the economy and housing market so it has become necessary to become landlords and rent our property for not even enough to pay the mortgage. Anyway, the first couple of years of our life in Charlotte were tough with a house we couldn't sell, a tough economic downturn, and a baby to care for. We were lucky that his employer paid for our move and that I had some retirement money to assist us for a while. I stayed out of work for over a year caring for our young son while living in a small two bedroom apartment. I don't regret this time with my son, but financially speaking, it was very difficult for us all. When my son was about a year and a half, I finally found a decent job that would allow me to return to work to help our family get back on our feet. I also resolved shortly thereafter to pursue my law school education to help improve our family's financial situation. I am only telling all of this to say that my husband and I have done what we had to do for our family, and I suspect we aren't the only two parent working family out there who has had to do the same. I love my children more than any parent ever could, and my role as their mother is the most important role in my life. I value my time with them. I haven't had an opportunity in recent years to develop close friendships here in Charlotte with other moms because when I am free from work obligations, I want to devote as much of my time to my family as I can.
"The people who completely immerse themselves in the tiring, thankless, profoundly important job of raising children ought to be put on a pedestal. We ought to revere them and admire them like we admire rocket scientists and war heroes. These women are doing something beautiful and complicated and challenging and terrifying and painful and joyous and essential. Whatever they are doing, they ARE doing something, and our civilization DEPENDS on them doing it well. Who else can say such a thing? What other job carries with it such consequences?"
"If your mother quit her role as mother, entire lives would be turned upside down; society would suffer greatly. The ripples of that tragedy would be felt for generations."
"Of course not all women can be at home full time. It's one thing to acknowledge that; it's quite another to paint it as the ideal. To call it the ideal, is to claim that children IDEALLY would spend LESS time around their mothers. This is madness. Pure madness. It isn't ideal, and it isn't neutral. The more time a mother can spend raising her kids, the better. The better for them, the better for their souls, the better for the community, the better for humanity. Period."
"We get a lot of things wrong in our culture. But, when all is said and done, and our civilization crumbles into ashes, we are going to most regret the way we treated mothers and children."
My desire is to just spend as much time as I am given being the best mom I can be to my children, and I hope that more moms (or dads performing the work of both), will do the same. So for all mothers out there, I just ask you to feel that you are truly valued by some of us (and I wish I could say all) today. Keep up the noble work of raising our future generations!
I love this post. So many times J and I have talked about this very thing. Going over the importance of staying home when we have children and also being realistic about finances. As you said you have to do what is best for your family and sometimes that is sacrifices. Love reading about your family!
Sherry, I just loved reading this. I especially loved reading about Eddie's work. It sounds like he is doing something he has a passion for which is so great. Every family makes sacrifices and it sounds like you guys make yours with your eyes wide open and always looking out for the good of your family.