Simone Biles, a four-nine superhuman well on her way to earning a Mount Olympus–size haul of gymnastics gold medals at the Rio Olympics while millions watch her in awe, is otherwise an average teen. NBC Nightly News, ever obsessed with this point, emphasized it in a profile of Biles, which featured a trip to her childhood bedroom, where Biles unveiled her life-size Zac Efron cutout. "I used to kiss him on the cheek!" she says. When confronted, she adds that her Zac Efron–kissing habits are "a little strange," which no. They are not. We defy you to find a straight teen girl who hasn't kissed a life-size Zac Efron cutout or otherwise dreamed of doing so. Zac Efron is lucky to deserve Simone Biles's attention, and he knows it. After her achievements this week, Biles deserves a solid gold life-size Zac Efron cutout. We will stand for nothing less.