Go to any spot where a lot of people are moving around you'll see something that used to happen only rarely: people walking with their heads bowed down. College student walking through campus, professionals crossing streets. There even men and women riding bikes and driving cars… all with their heads bowed down.
In the past, this scene was only available at monasteries, abbeys, and convents. The monks and nuns, heads bowed, were walking and worshipping, their aim focused on their God.
I fear we are walking and aiming, too. but on things a bit less important.
Everyone aims. Whether you've got a bow and arrow in your hands, a needle to thread, or a potential friend in your sights, you are aiming. Your focus is on the end goal and giving that goal your attention is a huge part of what you ultimately complete.
Campers, what we aim at is important because 'it', the goal we want, shapes us. That which we reach for, that to which we give our attention changes us. In fact, this process of aiming even modifies the important stories we tell ourselves.
If our aim is noble, progressing towards that aim point is what brings positive emotion. If we have no purposeful aim, no focus on some one thing other than to be entertained, then we are just blundering about. Where is the joy in that?
How do we aim? With the eyes in our head and the 'eye' in heart. What we seek out with our eyes will affect what we feel in our hearts and vice versa. Take a moment and think, really think, about what you are looking for, head bowed over your phone?
I agree, the place is beautiful. We have towering pines, lots of squirrels, birds, fish and chipmunks. The sky at night is filled with stars we rarely see and we are surrounded by stars who shine even brighter – the people of Weequahic.
With our eyes up and away from our phones, we see everyone around us. We start to live in the moment, fully open to the present which, at camp, certainly feels like a present!
This only happens when we look up and around us. With our aim pointed towards those around us, we are on a path that leads to true connection.
The path on our phone? It may help with connection. But does it really? It may give us access to enormous amounts of information. But is it information we truly need? It certainly gives us a lot to look at. But should that be our aim?
Campers, look up and around you. And help me do the same.
"(C)ontrary to what most of us think: Belonging is not fitting in. In fact, fitting in is the greatest barrier to belonging. Fitting in, I've discovered during the past decade of research, is assessing situations and groups of people, then twisting yourself into a human pretzel in order to get them to let you hang out with them.
The idea of belonging is one that drives us at Camp Weequahic. Our campers come from 13 different states and 14 different countries. Each one is different from the next – tall and short, young and old, English speaker and Texan speaker.
Some kids have a lot of camp in their family history while others are jumping in for the first time. Even the handful of twins we have are different people.
So, how do we 'fit in' when camp is so diverse? First, by accepting the fact that you already belong. Second, by living out the values of gratitude, attitude and courage. And, third, by having a blast alongside everyone else.
Yes, it's easier to feel you belong at camp. We get to create a bubble that shields us from the comparison trap easily found out in the 'real-world.' Your clothes, social media presence, grades, background… none of that matters at camp.
What matters is you having a blast alongside everyone around you, treating others with kindness, and striving to grow.
Out there, it's harder. We all fall into habits and routines that drive us, sometimes blindly, through each day. A snapchat post here, homework there, comparing test scores with that kid, sitting with the same people at lunch.
We want to band together, form a tribe that will keep us 'safe.' We just want to fit in. (I know – I do it all the time.) We don't want to stand out. Wear the same clothes, show up at the same time, ignore the same people, be nice to the same people….
Here's the thing, though – anyone who made an impact on the world around them didn't fit in.
The little lady who saved so many in Sri Lanka? She knew she belonged and just did the work.
The man with the funny hair who played the violin (badly) and was dyslexic? He figured out so many big problems that he didn't have time to worry about what others thought.
If you get to the base facts, it's pretty simple. We're all humans. We all live on earth. We all share the same air, are warmed by the same sun, and profit from the same blood in our veins.
You don't have to fit in. You already belong. Have a great week!
Kate and I spent several hours listening to a recent talk between Tim Ferriss and his guest, Graham Duncan. There was a lot in the talk about finding the best people for your team – something we research a lot at Weequahic. Not so important for our campers.
However, there were three points I thought were perfect 'campfire' ideas to share.
The fancy way to say this is you are moving the 'locus of control' to yourself rather than putting it outside yourself onto something you can't control. This has a lot to do with attitude and choosing how you react.
This is a great idea to use when you know you are about to go through something uncomfortable or, gulp… painful.
This won't make you a world-class middle distance runner. However, it WILL give you the best chance of doing your best.
Here's the thing, you either bounce off of pain like it's a wall or you get through to the other side. If you create a habit of 'bring it on!', you'll start to get to the 'other side' of the discomfort.
When taken in the right context, everything is our 'party' as our senses draw everything in towards us. So, with this in mind, welcome to the party joy and pain, contentment and fear, bravery and anxiety. I'm your friendly host, let's rock it out.
Graham, in the podcast, talks about his young son leaving his parents' bedroom late one night saying, "Welcome to the party, 'scared of the dark!'" He got back in bed and went right off to sleep.
If it's a party and everyone is invited, you get to be the type of host you want. Want to welcome experiences in a friendly way and shoo out anything that doesn't fit? Or, do you want to sit back, let everything come at you and hang around, whether you want them to stay or not?
You get to choose. Welcome to the party!
On a recent trip to West Virginia, Jack and I got to 'enjoy' the most winding, vertically challenging, foggy roads I've ever driven. To make matters more interesting, this was at night and at the end of an eight-hour journey.
For 90 minutes, we had switch backs and hairpins. Down the side of one mountain and up the side of the next. The experience moved from hair-raising to giggle-inducing and, finally, into quiet determination – for both of us.
You know what kept us safe on a night we could see only about 100 feet in front of us? Lots of road signs.
After settling into our hotel room and turning off the lights, I was still too jazzed to sleep. (Jackie-boy had no such problems.) As I lay there thinking about the crazy roads and the bright signs, it dawned on me: that road-trip was a lot like becoming an adult.
We knew our final destination. And, at the beginning, all was easy. The highways were clearly laid out, the sun shining, and several good options for breaks and rest. Kind of like growing up – work hard at school, play by the rules, play time with friends, etc.
All was fine and dandy with the regular bumps in the road until the darkness fell. There was some traffic, a poorly timed bathroom break, some bad radio. Just like growing up: some friend-drama, (a few) failed quizzes, some mistakes I needed to make.
But, for the most part, fine sailing. Then, just like the road at the end of our journey, there arrives moment after moment of confusion and darkness.
For me, this started during in the first few years of college and ended… well, I'm not sure that it has!
You head out on your own for the first time. You start to make choices for yourself and the path forward is not as clear. In fact, sometimes, the path ahead can barely be found, even with all the looking you can muster.
That's when it is so important to have bright road signs to point the way.
We all have signs, many of which are created when you are growing in your family, in your school, and in your camp. I can't speak about what you've learned at the first two (though I can wager a pretty good guess), I can remind you what you are learning at Weequahic.
Courage is a muscle – use it or lose it.
Be kind – it's a choice, not a feeling.
So how do these habits become road signs for those dark and foggy days of your future? I'm glad you asked.
When you are grateful for all that you have – air in lungs, a supportive family, a bunch of opportunity, and so much more – you approach challenges with a better frame of mind. You are more likely to pick an attitude that will help rather than hinder your progress.
With courage, you'll approach the challenges ready to reach out for help and expand your self-set limits. And, the more kind you are to all those around you, the more likely you are to have help happily offered.
You'll have a lot more signs in front of your if you pay attention. People with whom you work and study, opportunities that are scary and important.
You won't have a lot of clear vision past the next turn. I say this is a former college golf coach, fund-raiser, frozen yogurt pourer, youth team coach, student, farmhand, substitute teacher and camp director. The signs laid out by my parents, teachers and mentors gave me direction in those foggy moments when I could have steered wrong.
Camper, take some time now to reflect on the signs building in your life. The path ahead is winding and not always clear. But, taken with the right attitude, it'll be (mostly) fun and they'll be plenty of road signs along the way.
Here's a fun conversation starter: In sixty seconds, tell me how many ways a cat and a refrigerator are alike. Go!
Both purr, produce heat, are cold towards humans, hold milk and cream, can have hair balls…. You get the idea.
Why do this? First of all, it's funny. Secondly, it requires that you get rid of the conventions that you've built up over time in your head. Finally, if you do this as a team, it'll really start to get the creative juices going.
Sir Ken Robinson, he of Ted Talk fame, tells of this study in an attempt to explain divergent thinking. This is not the same thing as creativity, or as Sir Ken says it, "the process of having original ideas that have value." Rather, it's an important aspect of creativity – being able to see the same thing… differently.
When I walk through the Boys' bunks at night, there are a lot of examples of divergent thinking. Tennis courts laid out with duct tape on the bunk floor. Towels hung from the ceiling to change bunk beds into forts. Little pieces of tape everywhere (including the porch) marking the place from which someone had made a nerf hoop basket. And, don't get me started about porch ball….
The girls are no different. I've seen BBG played hundreds of times and I still have little idea on how it's played but they sure do. The few moments that I'm allowed to watch Panic, our girls' favorite skit game, easily displays divergent thinking. (Plus, ladies… c'mon. I don't sound THAT southern….) The costumes they create for Twinner Dinner with all 11 in a bunk together? Stunning!
Creativity at camp comes from a number of sources. First, we remove a whole lot of external stimuli – no phones, precious few screens, and no homework. Secondly, we've got great support and encouragement from the counselors to stretch those creative muscles. Finally, we give the group a chance to be either bored.
Yes… I said it – I don't mind a little boredom at camp.
It inspires creativity, especially in a community that really comes together. Without these moments of 'umm… what are we going to do?', we wouldn't have Bench Ball, BBG, Night at the Races, Trash Bag Fashion, Queen's Request or dozens of other fun ideas.
So, knowing all of the benefits of boredom and the power of divergent thinking, how can we get more creative back home? It'll take three c's: courage to actually put the phones down and turn off the tv, connection with each other and, finally, a bit of creative thinking.
Hi. This is Camp Weequahic. (Yes, the actual place – not that crazy guy Cole who runs around all the time.) I know we don't talk much this time of year. Hey – it's really cold and I'm not one for talking much.
But, in mid-winter, I get a chance to think a bunch without all the commotion of the summer. One thing I realized I need to express to you is this: thank you.
What amazes me is how the pageantry and party of the first day transitions into the 'normal flow of awesomeness' so quickly. My Dining Hall literally rocks with the singing and dancing. My fields are full. My arts facilities smell of paint and clay and wood dust. And it all just works and sings and shines, no matter the weather.
So, since it's Valentines Day, I wanted to express all this to you.