Birthdays: A Celebration for Mom?
As I reflected on this question I decided to focus on the word BIRTHDAY. When considering it from this perspective, I decided that a birthday must celebrate the DAY of a person's BIRTH. This "revelation" led me on a journey into the past, specifically April 30th 2007 at 4:00pm. I remembered how mentally and physically exhausted I was after being pregnant for 12 days beyond my "due date". I remembered that she was facing the wrong way in the birth canal and how that lead to intense back labor that slowed down the dilation progress. I remembered how hard I worked to bring her into this world. So far, my trip down memory lane had led me to the conclusion that my daughters birthday was all about me, really. Funny how that worked out in my mind. Isn't it? Okay, well maybe my daughter had a little to do with it. After all, birthing is really a beautiful dance between baby (with the help of Mother Nature) and mommy (with the help of Mother Nature and a bit of grit).
So I have decided that my daughter's birthday is going to be a celebration of her day of birth and how special that day is for our family and how blessed we are because she joined us on that beautiful day.
What about her party, you ask? Well I have not figured the details out yet, but I have scheduled a day at the spa for myself! Because I sure did work hard on her birthday and I deserve a party. Feel free to join me!
Lately I have been feeling overwhelmed by the amount of work the adults in our house have been putting into household duties. Some may call it the "daily grind". We were finding that our "family time" had been replaced with parents (us) cleaning and kids playing and creating more for us to clean along the way. Of course, play is a highly valued childhood activity and a necessary developmental activity. But what about mom and dad? We would like to engage in some playful activity with the kids too.
In order to redistribute our time, we decided to enlist their help. In other words, we decided to give our kids chores. Our definition of chores is as follows: household duties that are performed by all family members WITHOUT PAY in the interest of the entire family. This includes duties that all family members engage in together and duties that are done by a single family member. It has been noted by professionals in the field of child development and parenting education that chores have developmental advantages for the child as well as practical advantages for the family. Chores help build responsibility, self-regulatory skills and a sense of accomplishment and pride in one's achievement and environment.
When developing a system of family chores we had to consider the age of our children (5, 9, 11), their school and extracurricular schedules, and our family's priorities. Once we took stock of our needs, goals, and reality, we were able do draft a plan. Our plan includes a chart for each child that details their chores for the week in a visual format that is developmentally appropriate for each child. My 5 year-old has tasks such as: straighten bed, put clothes in hamper, and clear her place at the table. My 9 year-old has chores such as: feed and water pets, make bed, and fold his clothes. My 11 year-old has tasks such as: clear out dishwasher, feed the dog, and "pick up" the floor in her room. They are all invited to cross off each task as they finish them so they can see their progress toward our family goal of "all tasks done for the week". If/when we accomplish this family goal, we go out to dinner or ice cream (whichever our budget allows at the time).
Our family's plan is working well for us so far. The kids are motivated to participate in chores and they are beginning to internalize the responsibility for their chores. In other words, they can see their chores as "duties" they participate in because they view themselves as responsible members of our family unit. We have more time to spend together as a family. And we get a fun Sunday night treat, dinner, or dessert out as a family too.
If you are interested in finding appropriate and creative ways to get help with chores from your children check out the quicksheet titled Kids and Chores brought to you by ParentingPress.com.
I'm always trying to get my kids to try new things. When my daughter, Olivia's, swimming lessons ended recently, I suggested she take an art class. She was reluctant at first. "How could I take an art class? I don't even know how to do art?" However, after some encouragement, she agreed to take the class. Her first class was challenging. She was the youngest child in the class and many of the older children had quite an artful skill to their work. I could see that Olivia was intimidated. I continued to encourage her and reassure her that "those big kids started just like you. You'll be there sooner than you know it. Just keep trying." And Olivia listened. She kept hammering away at the class and began to feel more confident, her skills improved and she became very comfortable with the older classmates.
Around the same time as Olivia's art class, I was asked to play on an indoor soccer team. I had never played soccer. My first response was, "There's no way. I can't play soccer. I don't even know how. I'd look like a total fool." It hit me. Who did I sound like? Or, rather, who sounded like me? I had almost the same response to a new activity and challenge that Olivia had to the art class. With that realization, I decided to try the indoor soccer team. If not just for me, but also to prove to my kids that it's good to try new things. Even when they seem foreign and challenging.
I have since played 3 soccer games with my indoor soccer team. My husband and children have watched the games. I feel supported by their presence and I'm thoroughly enjoying it.
Is there something you've been wanting to try? What's holding you back? Can you find a way to overcome the challenges? If you can, give it a try. You'll be setting a wonderful example to your children. It's ok to try something new and different. You never know, you just might enjoy it.