We never thought we'd be in this position.
As you know, the last couple of weeks have held many ups and downs for us and our little girls, Elliana and Emmaline. Through it all we have been blessed by the prayers and love we've felt from all of you. We felt very sure that whatever challenges came with this pregnancy that we would make it through to the end with our little girls.
This week's challenge was discovering that the surgery to fix the Twin to Twin Transfusion Syndrome that appeared to go well last week actually had some complications in the form of a serious uterine infection. On Tuesday that infection caused one of the membrane sacs to break, sending us in a panic back to UCSF that night. As we waited all morning Wednesday, praying and hoping for a positive outcome, Megan developed a fever accompanied by other signs, indicating the seriousness of the infection, making immediate delivery our only option.
Elliana was born at 8pm on Wednesday, July 16th. Her sister, Emmaline, was born at 8:10pm. They were 20 weeks 1 day. Elliana lived for about an hour, and Emmaline was considered stillborn. They both measured exactly the same - 9.5 inches long and 9.25 ounces. We had some very tender and precious moments with both our beautiful little girls immediately after birth and throughout the night. There are no words to describe the deep love and bond we felt with those brave little spirits in our presence. We felt a sweet assurance that they are ours forever and that our chance to raise them has not been taken away, but only delayed for a little while. We look forward with great anticipation to the day when we will meet them again and fulfill all our dreams of raising them and loving them the way we hoped to in the coming weeks and years.
While we are definitely aching and mourning our loss, we have also experienced sweet comfort and peace. Thank you for your continued prayers for our family. They bring us strength and hope in quiet moments of need.
We are planning a memorial service for Thursday, July 24th at 9:00am at our local LDS Church.
I have been reading your blog for many months--I found it off of the r house and Brenley's blog.
I just wanted to tell you how very sorry I am for your loss. I wanted you to know that even people you don't know are praying for you and hurting for you.
There are no words adequate to express the heartache I feel for you tonight . . . know that I cried for you and that I pray that Father's peace will surround you and uphold you at this time and always.
I'm so sorry for your loss. I wish I could be there for you next week. My thoughts and prayers are with you.
Many tears are being shed for this delay in your getting to raise those precious little girls. I can only imagine the sorrow you must be feeling, but I know that you find comfort in knowing that every moment that passes brings you closer to that moment when you will be reunited.
You are so very loved, even by people who have not met you in person, and by your Heavenly Father as well.
I read your most recent email and update about your little girls around 10pm....I haven't been able to fall asleep yet, and have been thinking about all of you.
My heart aches for you, and with you.....I just wish that I was close enough to give you both a soothing embrace. How blessed you are to have each other to hold.
I found your blog through the r house a few months back and have been eagerly following your story.
I am sorry for your loss. Your courage and faith through this whole process has been amazing and it gives hope to so many others. I'm heartbroken for your family that the outcome has been this, but please know that your daughters have touched so many lives in their short time on this earth. They will never be forgotten and through the amazing gift of the gospel, and your courage to share your journey, they will live on so long as people share stories of miracles. Again, I am so sorry for your loss.
I found you through Carrot's blog. I just wanted you to know how sorry I am, and that I will be praying for you to feel comfort.
I always knew you were an incredibly special family and reading these messages shows how loved you are by everyone you touch. Thank you for making my life better and for letting me love your girls through your love for them. I miss sweet Elliana and Emmiline. Thank goodness they are being held in heavenly Father's arms. You are loved!
I found your blog thru Carrots. I am so sorry for your loss. Your family will be in my prayers. I wish I could do more.
I wept when I read this today and I just want you to know that I am so sorry for your loss and what you've gone through. I am so sorry. Please know that you are in my thoughts and I am praying for you both with all of my heart.
I'm so sorry. My tears, thoughts and prayers are with your dear little family.
I know you will see your girls again and have the opportunity to enjoy them someday. May you have peace and calm in your hearts.
I am so sorry. My heart aches for you. I hope that you will continue to feel some comfort and peace. Our thoughts and prayers will continue to be with your family.
I am so shocked to read this turn of events.
You guys are amazing in your ability to face this with such tranquility. I'm so very sorry for your loss.
"Daddy, why are all those people crying?"
"They are crying for you my child."
"Daddy, look at all their tears."
"Each one of those tears is for you my child."
Please also go to this blog.
I am heartsick for you- but know that you will have those babies again, and know- as many others have stated- that we have you in our thoughts and prayers.
I have no words to express my sorrow for your family. You are definitely in my thoughts and prayers at this time.
I was referred to your blog from the Lawsons and I have been following your story. I am just heart broken tonight to hear of the loss of your sweet girls. Words just can't express.
Just know that there are many out here praying for you.
I am praying for your peace and comfort and fortitude.
I am sorry TTTS took Elliana & Emmaline. I am at a loss for words, nothing I can express, justifies what comfort I hope Heavenly Father is blessing you with.
If you want to connect with some families that have also been in this situation, as many of them express that no one knows that to say, please don't hesitate to email me.
I got your comment on our blog and linked over to read about your precious baby girls. Thank you for being so willing to share your story and to include me in your girls amazing mission. I hope that McKallister's blog can help you in preparing for the memorial and burial of Elliana and Emmaline and whatever else you are in need of and am so grateful that it has already been a source of help for you.
If you need anything- and I mean anything- please feel free to email me at caliandjosh@gmail.com. I know that right now it is so hard to be making the plans that are needed but know that it will get better. It has only been three weeks since we lost McKallister and I find that the good days are starting to come back.
Thank you for being a strong family Marc, Megan, Elliana and Emmaline!
I'm so, so sorry for you.
I'm so, so sorry. I was shocked to read this post, I was so sure everything would turn out ok for you. Our prayers are with you and your sweet little ones.
you all are in our thoughts and prayers. i am just so sorry for your loss. your strength is inspiring and your faith is incredible. may the Lord bless you in the coming difficult days. i truly am so sorry.
I also came here via carrot's blog. I am so sorry for your loss. My thoughts and prayers are with you at this time.
My best wishes and prayers are with you and your little family.
We have never met but my heart aches for you.
Oh Marc and Megan. I am so sorry to hear of the loss of your precious babies. I have been out of town for a week and I was so sad to return home and find the news on your blog. My heart hurts for you two and your sweet babies. You are all in my thoughts and prayers. I hope that you can find peace and comfort through this trying time.
I love you guys. I wish I could fly out and give you a big hug and cry with you.
I know we will be with our sweet babies again! We will get the chance to love them and to know them. The gospel is amazing and bring so much hope and peace in our time of sorrow.
I am impressed with your correct attitude with this difficult and confusing time.
The reality is that, while it is amazing to learn and understand the love and care that family and friends have for you and your angels, I believe those specials short moments you (as a family) had at the hospital, will be the very "thing" that will give you strengths in the possible sad moments to come.
Share them as often as you'd feel like sharing!! As you put it: "God Be With Your Angels" ...and you!
i am sobbing for you. just sobbing.