How many participation trophies and medals do you have displayed in your home or discarded somewhere in the mud room? We've got assorted skiing and soccer medals, hockey trophies, and certificates of achievement galore, and now is perhaps a good time to say that of my four sports-playing children, only one has ever really won something, because only one is old enough to have ever really competed — and he has lost far more often than he has won.
Ashley Merryman, the co-author of the book "Top Dog: The Science of Winning and Losing," and author of a recent Opinion piece "Losing is Good For You" says those participation awards are not doing anyone any good except their manufacturers. "The science is clear. Awards can be powerful motivators, but nonstop recognition does not inspire children to succeed. Instead, it can cause them to underachieve," she writes.
Given that we live in a world where participation trophies and prizes are almost a given, I asked Ms. Merryman to offer parents some practical advice on how to counter the automatic award mentality. What should a parent do if he or she knows a participation trophy lies ahead at the end of a season?
It's the youngest children who are most likely to be handed participation awards, Ms. Merryman said, and they're exactly the children who shouldn't receive them. "We're teaching children that we only do things for rewards — that if you're not trophy-worthy, it's not worth doing. We're telling them, we're watching. We're judging. And that's the last thing a beginner wants to hear. We need to give kids time to just learn," she said.
What if it's too late to say anything — the end of the season rolls around, and your child appears, medal in hand, from the final session? What should a parent say to a child who just got an award for nothing more than showing up?
But talk to the league next year, she advises, and seek out teams and activities where children have a chance to really learn, improve, and evaluate their own progress. And if there are winners and losers, and your child is disappointed, ask that same question, "What do you think?" Give them a chance to consider what they could have done differently.
"Don't underestimate the power of not getting anything," Ms. Merryman said.