by Elizabeth Newcomer in "Commitment", "EANT", "EnneaGirl", "Enneagram Studies in the Narrative Tradition", "Enneagram", "Goethe"
Follow Up Friday is a series where I check in on the questions and issues that I introduced on Tuesday's blog.
To Commit or Not to Commit, that is the question.
Well, it's day four of my journey on the Dukan Diet and so far, I haven't given up! Here's an interesting thing I noticed about my commitment to the diet. I am accessing my One resource point. I have been able to accomplish my goal thus far by seeing it objectively. My feelings don't really matter.
It hasn't been easy. Temptations are always around the corner. Last night, I worked an event at my restaurant. At the end of the night we had several beautiful bottles of Sancerre that we had opened, but had not poured. My manager decided to do something she never does...let us all take a bottle home! I, of course, could not take her up on her generous offer, because I'm not drinking. I expected to be more disappointed, but truthfully, I just felt like: oh well! And I hurried home to my darling, proud that I hadn't caved.
Then, tonight, I am meeting six of my best girl friends at a Latin Tapas restaurant on the Lower East Side. I am sure that there will be margaritas flowing, and my favorite tapas (empanadas!) being passed around the table. I have taken precaution, however, and already checked out the menu to see what I will be able to order. And I'm looking forward to my sparkling water with a squeeze of lime. I have a suspicion that I will be even more engaged with my best friends, able to put my focus fully on them and be completely present!
Now, all types can struggle with commitment, but here are some pros and cons of each type. You may be able to access the positives of a resource point, like I did with my access to the practical, objective One!
Ones, as I have laid out, tend to be very practical and objective. They are also list-makers and doers. Responsibility and following through on their word is important to them. For example, my boyfriend, who is a One, after having smoked for 23 years read a book and in one afternoon decided to quit and hasn't touched a cigarette since.
Twos have an easy time committing, if the commitment is in association with another. When it is a commitment to their own needs and self-care, they tend to shirk from completion. Committing to one thing inevitably means saying "no" to another thing, so Twos can get caught up by trying to do a lot for others and end up saying "no" to their commitment to themselves.
Threes are doers. Hands down. Goals, accomplishments, success is all a part of their daily vernacular. They are able to achieve almost anything they put their minds to. However, they can overdo which can result in pushing themselves beyond their physical limits.
Fours, as I discussed in Tuesday's blog, in general don't like commitment. Their feelings come first and foremost and they never know how they're going to feel day-to-day. Also, commitment can bring up associations with ordinary and routine, both of which are allergies for a Four. If the commitment brings up close connections with loved ones, or deep experiences, the Four can gladly commit.
Fives can be incredibly non-committal to others agendas. I once heard a Five say that if someone invited her to lunch on Wednesday, she would say "no" for fear that that same friend would want to go to lunch with her every Wednesday. Fives are very possessive of their time, space and energy. However, if the commitment is on the Fives agenda, they tend to follow through with ease.
Sixes value loyalty and duty. They show up for their commitments. However, they may procrastinate when it comes to getting started on a project. This is a result of them over-thinking instead of doing. They may also get tripped up on their worst-case scenario analyzing.
Sevens are allergic to limitation. And commitment can often feel limiting. They also like variety and new experiences. If the commitment is fun and brings them joy, they are more likely to stick to it. Getting a Seven at the beginning of a project, when they can brainstorm new ideas and avenues is when they really shine.
Eights have a ton of intensity and energy, both which lend themselves well to commitment. They also are their own boss and don't answer to anyone. If something is important to them, they will get it done, no excuses, no question. Getting an Eight to commit to a project that is out of their leadership may be a more difficult task.
Nines merge with others agendas. When their loved ones initiate a commitment, they are able to follow through. When it comes to their own commitments however, they often get distracted by the inessential. They tend to make themselves less important and therefore, like the Twos, have trouble saying "no" to others and "yes" to their own agendas.
If you know your type, please leave a comment about what commitment means to you!