I help women who struggle with people pleasing, emotional eating, social anxiety, or self esteem feel secure deep in their bones.
Does the fear of judgment darken every corner of your life? Do you worry about your looks, your work performance, your social skills, your skills as a parent or in romantic relationships? I know how it feels. I used to stress and strive to be thin enough, smart enough, funny enough, kind enough, successful enough... And it was *never* enough. I was so fortunate to discover a process that really did work though. And it is my joy to share it with my clients.
The basis of my work comes from studies on how parents instill security in their kids. I've discovered how to apply this research WITHIN, so that you can give yourself the security you've always wanted and needed. And it works. I've experienced it directly and used it with hundreds of clients. Clients tell me, "I've never had therapy like this before. I heard the cliché, 'just love yourself,' but I had no idea *how* to do that till now. I feel sooo good." My job is to give you clear steps to follow so you know exactly how love yourself (and feel truly loved) in a way that builds a deep sense of security. When you feel deeply loved and accepted from within, you no longer have anything to prove. The fear of judgment becomes a non issue because you no longer need approval from outside.
I used to think I would feel worthy through my achievements and my appearance. I confused value with approval and admiration. While admiration felt good, it never helped my insecurity. What I know now is that we feel valued when we are deeply loved for who we are, not what we do or how we look. What I know now is that we can learn how give ourselves a very specific kind of love that actually does work to instill security. You may not have grown up feeling secure, but you can become secure - feeling deeply worthwhile and lovable - starting now. I would love to show you how. You can visit my website to learn more or call for a free consultation.
My training in somatic therapies began with Bessel Van Dear Kolk's training on the physiological consequences of trauma, including attachment trauma. I have studied the work of Peter Levine, and spent six months learning Somatic Experiencing. My work is also informed by yoga and Rolfing.
My studies in attachment theory began in grad school and continued with Stan Tatkin, who developed the Psychobiological Approach to Couples Therapy. Stan's training focused on developing secure attachment for couples to regulate physical and emotional stress. I've adapted Stan's work so that the same stress relieving and security building behaviors can be applied from an inner parent to an inner child. Secure attachment within the self then fosters security in all relationships.
You look like a rock star, always on top of things, responsible, the one that others depend on. But you're exhausted, resentful, lonely, and furious that no one is taking care of you. Codependency is a strategy we discover to connect to parents who have unmet dependency needs from childhood. We care for them to get a smidge more of the love we need. Now, your mission is to give yourself the care you've been giving to others. By meeting your own dependency needs, you can heal your codependency.
Most of us have been led to believe that self esteem can (and must) be earned. "When I get my degree, lose ten pounds, get that promotion, have x dollars (and on and on), I will feel good about myself." Our culture promotes this view because insecurity feeds the fires of capitalism. In reality, the opposite is true. When we treat ourselves lovingly, consistently over time, we fall in love with the wonderful person who is always so kind to us. That's my definition of self esteem.
We all need soothing and comfort. Life is stressful, even in the best of circumstances. These days, that stress can be overwhelming. But eating can only offer the distraction of pleasure (followed by the distraction of body shame or worries about health). You can learn to give yourself the exquisite comfort and soothing you really need by listening to your feelings and being gentle with yourself. As you do, the need for medicinal cookies will likely abate.