I'M NOT SHY .. I M ENJOYING THE PARTY IN MY HEAD !
So for the past 4 years I have been writing in a notebook all of the things I've felt and have gone through and I want to share it on here. Some of it is really personal and some if really sad but i think you guys will like it? ... » " I can be by myself here. I can tell the truth and never have to say, 'I'm fine.' I can talk freely about it. About how even when I wake some mornings and am content, I can still feel it tapping silently behind my heart. I know it is there, waiting for something, anything // It spreads from behind my heart, to my lungs (it's almost musical), it rushes to my head and then I am gone, rendered defenseless, helpless. People don't understand it. It's not an over reaction, it's losing a battle in a long dark war. I know, ultimately, I won't win this fight, I am already so tired. I know one day it will take me. My heart will decide it is time to stop pumping its poisons through my veins. That will be the day that people know that every time they asked how I was that the best I could do was spin lies, to grant them freedom to doubt its existence. That will be the day that it finally decides to bleed me dry, the day it decides I have become too dull, too lifeless to be important enough to resuscitate, the day it will finally free me from the dark and back into the light that I have missed so dearly."