I had a rather overwhelming moment a few days ago. A few things hit me all at once: I'm moving 3,000 miles away from my family; I won't have most of my things anymore; I don't have a steady income; lots of my personal relationships have changed, and some people I've lost entirely. After letting all of that sink in, I felt a bit displaced. So far I've been resolute in maintaining my "live life to it's fullest" attitude, knowing that all this change is helping me do that. But keeping that attitude sometimes means pushing back the feelings of loss and uncertainty that come with big changes. You can't push them back forever, as I learned last week, eventually they will rush up and demand to be dealt with. So how exactly do you deal with them? How do you find ground when you are intentionally leaving it? How do you make a home when you don't have one any more?
Sometimes for me stability means a set schedule. When I spent the majority of December and January traveling, I looked for things that I could do regardless of my location. Getting coffee first thing in the morning was an easy one to do. Waking up at the same time every day was another. Neither of those things were location dependent, but having a small bit of daily structure while on crazy conference travel helped keep me feeling like I was home.
Pursue non-location or possession based sources of comfort.
Do things that you can take with you as your life changes. Reading, writing, running, climbing, yoga: those activities calm and center me when I feel out of my element. They don't distract me from what's changing in life, they remind me of all the good in it. I can run just about anywhere. Climbing is a bit harder, but there are gyms and boulders and brick walls everywhere. Yoga studios are too. Pick a few things that remind you of your strengths, or that inspire you, and make them your go-to activities when your comfort zone seems far away.
I can't say how many times a call or IM has saved my sanity this year. I may be far away from most of my closest friends, but their presence in my life gives me perspective and hope. If you feel displaced, take some time and focus on the important people in your life. Show them some love, and you can share in their strength. The worst thing we can do is convince ourselves that we have to face life alone. Sometimes your comfort zone can be inside a text message or as close as a cup of coffee.
Have external reminders of internal strengths and beliefs.
I bought a butterfly necklace when I was in San Francisco in December. The butterfly has become a kind of symbol for me over the past year, reminding me that good times come after bad, and that growing and changing are a part of life. While it's a physical object, it reminds me of things I can't actually hold in my hand. Having an object around to remind you of what's really important, what your core values are, can make leaving your comfort zone less scary and more like the chance for adventure and progress that it is.
Boldness doesn't come without a price, but then again nothing of value ever does. The best things in life often never happen without significant change, either in ourselves or in our environment. Both can leave you feeling like home is far away, but in reality home is exactly what and where we decide it should be. Redefine your comfort zone into something you can take with you no matter where you go or what you do. Embrace the change, stay firmly planted, and be bold.
Great post, Aleya. Especially poignant for me as we settle into our new life up here in DC and I contemplate leaving my free-range space tweep lifestyle. Change is the only constant in life.
One thing I do envy is your shedding of so many material possessions! I am glad to have more than a cardboard box and camping chairs here. I am also overwhelmed by the amount of "stuff" we brought up that we really don't need.
I know we'll be fine--and so will you. We all have wonderful support networks of friends and family. All we have to do is yell out "HELP!" really loud and someone will always come running (virtually or IRL).
Life is 10& what happens and 90% how you choose to respond to it!
Agree agree agree! I used all of the tools you suggested when I went on a 7-month road trip, and it helped keep me grounded. Another thing I also loved doing was reading "A Year of Living Your Yoga" every morning (or evening, depending). Lots of great reminders that helped me feel connected. It's really the small things we do that add up to a big life.
Despite being here for 8 years, I've never felt like this place is truly home. I also still struggle with that notion of facing life alone. So, thank you for sharing these thoughts. It's good to see things from another view.
Another amazing post Aleya... you continue to inspire me.
All very good points. Good luck with all the change!