In hindsight I feel like OP deserved to get shafted like this. Like, the universe knew he was going to say something fucking retarded and pre-emptively punished him.

EDIT: People keep saying I "faked" cancer as if I played some sort of role.

"I have cancer. No I don't!" Doesn't count as faking in my book. That you people were too fucking stupid to check to make sure isn't my problem.