1.  Masturbate

2.  Eat

3.  Masturbate

4.  Get high

5.  Eat while masturbating

6.  Get sloppy drunk

7.  Try to masturbate

8.  Fall asleep with your dick in your hand

9.  Dial your ex's number on your phone, and hover your thumb over the "call" button before chickening out.

10.  Cry and masturbate