Did Osama bin Laden have a foot fetish? Or was he into cake farts? Maybe the mass-murderer was so used to his many wives that his fantasy was to escape to a world of plain, vanilla monogamous sex. 
 
 Unfortunately we may never know. Despite a Freedom of Information Act request, those buzzkills over at the CIA have made sure that we won’t be finding out anytime soon what sort of shit the former Al Qaeda leader liked to jerk it to while he hid away in his secret Abbottabad compound. 
 
 If you don’t have a Google Alerts set for “‘Osama bin Laden’ AND ‘porn,'” then you might not be aware that Director of National Intelligence James Clapper confirmed last month that a collection of pornography had been recovered in the raid on bin Laden’s hideout that resulted in the terrorist leader’s death. Clapper also confirmed that while many of the documents found in the raid would be declassified, bin Laden’s skin mags would remain under wraps. 
 
 But staffers at BroBible knew enough about pr0n to realize that, just as a fine musical instrument is meant to be played, dirty mags are meant to be shared with the world — shared until their tattered, jizz-ridden pages no longer have any structural integrity and disintegrate like so many tissues in toilet paper commercials. 
 
 So BroBible’s David Covucci did what any intrepid young reporter would do: He filed a FOIA request. The letter he sent to the CIA is as follows: 
 
 We at the men’s general interest publication BroBible dot com (one of the nation’s largest websites for men), would like to know what pornographic materials Osama Bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death. We are adults. We can handle it. We would like to know what kind of porn the world’s most wanted man jerked it to. Does being under the constant threat of capture require extra stimulation? I imagine it would be hard for him to focus on his dick, so I figure he had to watch some really nasty shit. 
 
 On Thursday afternoon, Covucci received word back from the CIA, but disappointingly the spy agency said they would not be honoring his request: 
 
 With regard to the pornographic material Osama Bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death, responsive records, should they exist, would be contained in the operational files. The CIA Information Act, 50 U.S.C 431, as amended, exempts CIA operational files from search, review, publication, and disclosure requirements of the FOIA. To the extent that this material exists, the CIA would be prohibited by 18 USC Section 1461 from mailing obscene matter. 
 
 As pointed out at the 11-minute mark of the May 22 Slate Political Gabfest, it seems odd that the government wouldn’t want to release the information — as it would be potentially very embarrassing for Al Qaeda. For whatever reason, though, it looks like the CIA is taking the high road. 
 
 I gotta say, when it comes to picking issues to develop a moral backbone over, the CIA sure knows how to pick ‘em. So rest easy terrorists! We might torture you illegally and leave you with mental and physical scars that will last a lifetime, but your Internet cache is safe with us. 
 
 [BroBible | Image: Gawker] ||||| Not long after Osama bin Laden was killed, reports appeared claiming that the Al Qaeda leader—or someone in his compound—had a big pornography collection. But if you were hoping for a glimpse at the stash, or even just confirmation that it exists, the government won't help you: 
 
 David Covucci, a blogger for the men's Web site BroBible, decided to try a Freedom of Information Act (FOIA) request to the CIA on May 26 to get the stash. The agency, in a lightning-fast response dated June 4, said: 
 
 
 
 "With regard to the pornographic material Osama bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death, responsive records,"—ready?—"should they exist, would be contained in operational files," which are exempt from the FOIA. 
 
 
 
 What's more, CIA information and privacy coordinator Michael Lavergne continued, "To the extent that this material exists, the CIA would be prohibited" by federal law, "from mailing obscene matter." 
 
 The CIA's full letter to BroBible is here. Oh, well. "To the extent that this material exists," maybe it'll turn up on WikiLeaks. ||||| Osama bin Laden is shown in this April 1998 photo. AP Photo 
 
 Four years after his death at the hands of U.S. forces, the final chapter of Osama bin Laden’s life continues to raise questions of huge geopolitical import: 
 
 Was the leader of al-Qaeda plotting terror attacks from his compound in Abbottabad, Pakistan, at the time of his death? 
 
 Was he in contact with — or working for — Pakistan’s notorious Inter-Services Intelligence (ISI) agency? 
 
 How did the most wanted man in the world remain undetected in Abbottabad, a garrison town, in the first place? 
 
 Oh, and also… 
 
 What kind of porn was the dude into? 
 
 [The bin Laden library the U.S. government doesn’t want you to see: The porn stash.] 
 
 No, seriously. Bin Laden’s compound in Abbottabad contained a “fairly extensive” stash of naughty goods, according to Reuters news agency in 2011. Reuters reported that officials were unsure about the precise location where the material was found or who might have been viewing it. 
 
 What we do know, courtesy of the news service, is that the stash consisted of “modern electronically recorded video,” which means that the Internet-deprived terrorist was basically resigned to watching pornography on VHS like a teenage boy in 1987. 
 
 Is there any worse punishment, really? 
 
 In hopes of uncovering the terrorist leader’s pornographic predilections, a determined bro named David Covucci decided to send the CIA a FOIA request on behalf of the esteemed online periodical of jockish 20-somethings known as BroBible. 
 
 “I’m a man,” Covucci wrote last month, articulating his insatiable need to uncover the truth. “I can handle knowing what kind of porn Osama bin Laden watched. Ain’t gonna make me like him more, ain’t gonna make me hate him less.” 
 
 Here’s the request, edited for foul language: 
 
 Covucci had an uphill battle. 
 
 “We are not going to release these materials due to the nature of their contents,” Jeffrey Anchukaitis, a spokesman for Director of National Intelligence James Clapper, told the Guardian newspaper last month. 
 
 The Freedom of Information Act, enacted in 1966, essentially allows any U.S. citizen to petition the government for official information. 
 
 “It’s a pretty powerful tool for journalists and Bros alike,” Covucci wrote, noting that he believes “us dudes” have a “right to know what the world’s most wanted” was watching. 
 
 “Like… what if it turned out he exclusively watched white, male, American porn stars?,” Covucci added. “Wouldn’t that be anathema to his beliefs? Wouldn’t that be an interesting thing to learn about the man?” 
 
 As it turns out, we’ll probably never know. In only a week, the CIA responded to Covucci’s request — but declined to play ball. According to the agency’s information and privacy coordinator, Michael Lavergne: 
 
 “With regard to the pornographic material Osama Bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death, responsive records, should they exist, would be contained in the operational files. The CIA Information Act, 50 U.S.C 431, as amended, exempts CIA operational files from search, review, publication, and disclosure requirements of the FOIA. To the extent that this material exists, the CIA would be prohibited by 18 USC Section 1461 from mailing obscene matter.” 
 
 Guys the CIA responded to my FOIA request on behalf of @BroBible pic.twitter.com/3NrXw2mvDC — David Covucci (@DavidCovucci) June 8, 2015 
 
 “I will give them credit,” Covucci wrote after receiving the reply. “They did cite a legitimate statute that allows them to avoid FOIA requests regarding operations.” 
 
 “Oh, well, Bros,” he signed off. “I’m sorry.” 
 
 Hold your head up, bro. Now you’ve got a cool letter you can frame. 
 
 MORE READING: Months before U.S. raid, bin Laden considered leaving Pakistan compound 
 
 Did Osama bin Laden play this terrible video game?
– What kind of porn might be classified? The stuff watched by Osama bin Laden. A blogger at the men's website BroBible filed a, er, colorful Freedom of Information Act request with the CIA to get the details on the "pornographic material" found among bin Laden's stuff. (The request is here, and the language is a little graphic.) David Covucci got his formal answer this week from the spy agency: No dice. “With regard to the pornographic material Osama bin Laden had in his possession at the time of his death, responsive records, should they exist, would be contained in operational files,” and such files are exempt from FOIA requests, says the letter. Even if they weren't in the operational files, it seems that Covucci would have been out of luck: "To the extent that this material exists, the CIA would be prohibited by 18 USC Section 1461 from mailing obscene matter," adds the letter. Intelligence chief James Clapper confirmed the porn's existence last month, notes Death and Taxes, which finds it odd that the agency is keeping it wraps given the potential for embarrassment to al-Qaeda. Maybe it's a job for WikiLeaks, suggests Reason. And as for Covucci, "hold your head up, bro," writes Peter Holley at the Washington Post. "Now you’ve got a cool letter you can frame."