Brookwoods GRAPEVINE / Oct 2001 The G R A P E V I N E October 20, 2001  Here are some items or notes that we thought you would  find amusing, interesting or informative. Feel free to  pass this newsletter along to others. Enjoy!  PLEASE NOTE THAT WE MAINTAIN OUR E-MAIL LIST IN  HOUSE... WE THINK THAT WE HAVE YOUR PERMISSION TO SEND  THIS, BUT IF YOU ARE RECEIVING THIS WITHOUT CONSENT,  PLEASE FORGIVE US!! Published by: >  John Sweney >  Brookwoods Group >    extraordinary people delivering >    marketing and marketing communications solutions >  www.brookwoods.com  => NEWS AND NOTES: The world of marketing... => INTERESTING INTERNET: Links we like... => SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION: News of Brookwoods Group... => FRACTURED FEEDBACK: Comments from our readers... => GRATUITOUS HUMOROUS: Good clean fun... => LISTING TO ONE SIDE: The top ten whatever... => GRAPEVINE HOUSEKEEPING: Contacts, subscribe, etc... ========================================================= => NEWS AND NOTES THE NEW WORLD OF COMMUNICATIONS The world really did change on September 11.  Think of  it:  Try to remember something you did during the first  week of September -- a party, a movie, a dinner out.   Doesn't that seem like a lifetime ago? At a recent seminar I gave to a group of young members of  the International Association of Business Communicators,  I was asked, "How has communications changed since  September 11?"  I think that there are two important  shifts:   1) All communications now must be relevant.  The era of  cranking out meaningless press releases on top of fluffy  brochures followed by disjointed ads is past.  I have  been as guilty as the next person.  But here on out,  irrelevant blather is not going to be tolerated by target  audiences.  The example I use is the ubiquitous "new  senior vice president" press release.  In the past,  journalists (and the public) could dismiss these without  a second thought.  Today, the recipient is just as likely  to wonder, "Why is this company bothering to waste  precious resources on this?"  (If the press release  describes a newsworthy shift in the marketplace, and  articulates how this new senior VP address that shift in  a way that benefits the company's customers, then that is  a step in the right direction.)  2) Communications that are sensitive to "balance" are  more likely to resonate.  Even if a communication is  relevant, if it has an underlying message that some  gadget or feature is incredibly important, it will fall  on deaf ears.  What's important today?  Balance in life.   Family.  Friends.  Even dogs !  For example, if you  can demonstrate that your product or service can give  your customer more time to spend on precious moments with  their family, you are better off than if you highlight  the 24x7 availability that allows people to work all the  time... EVALUATING CONSULTANTS Brookwoods Group is a member of the Technology  Entrepreneurs Exchange (www.texchange.org), and I  attended the meeting last week as a panel of experts  discussed the critical success factors for building a  successful business.  Bill Nash, president of Holland & Davis management  consultants (www.hdinc.com) was one of the panelists, and  I scribbled some notes from his talk, including a  paraphrase of his four tough questions that should be  asked of any consulting firm you are considering: 1)  Have you ever been fired by a client,     and if so, why? 2)  Have you ever turned down a client     opportunity, and if so, why? 3)  For your client's sake, have you ever     removed yourself from a project, and     if so, why? 4)  For your own sake, have you ever      fired a client, and if so, why? ========================================================= => INTERESTING INTERNET This month marks the 75th anniversary of Winnie-the-Pooh.   I think it may have been George Carlin who asked, "What  is a Pooh?"  For those of us with a taste for unusual  trivia, the name Winnie-the-Pooh was given by a real boy,  Christopher Robin, to his stuffed teddy bear that had  been previously called Edward Bear.  Five-year-old  Christopher didn't really like the name, so his father,  A.J. Milne, encouraged him to make up a new name.  The  boy immediately came up with "Winnie-the-Pooh," a  combination of the name of a friendly bear he had met at  the London Zoo named Winnie (after the city of Winnipeg)  and the name of a familiar swan at Kensington Gardens.   See the entire story at: www.pooh-corner.com/pooh.html The original Pooh, Tigger, Piglet, Kanga and Eeyore are  now in a glass cabinet in the Donnell Center of the New  York Public Library.  (Roo was lost in an apple orchard  in the 1930s.)  See:  www.nypl.org/branch/kids/pooh/winnie.html Speaking of children, someone sent me a little Dr-Seuss- like tale written to help explain the September 11  attacks to children.  It resonated in my own child-like  mind as well and is reproduced on our website at: www.brookwoods.com/binch.htm   Speaking of Dr. Seuss, many people don't realize that Dr.  Seuss for two years (1941-1943) was the chief editorial  cartoonist for the New York newspaper "PM," and for that  journal he drew over 400 editorial cartoons. See these  serious political cartoons drawn in the familiar style  during the early years of World War II at:  orpheus.ucsd.edu/speccoll/dspolitic/Frame.htm ========================================================= => SHAMELESS SELF-PROMOTION We are pleased to report continuous positive feedback  from clients on all fronts. We posted some of the best  comments on our Client page on the Brookwoods Group  website at: www.brookwoods.com/clients.htm I will be a panelist for the "Effective HighTech  Marketing/PR Best Practices Panel" at the November 10  TiE-Houston Conference, "Rediscovering & Accelerating the  Entrepreneurial Spirit."  See www.tie-houston.org for  details. Since my last Grapevine, we have brought on several great  marketing and communications professionals, including  consultant Nancy Burch and VP of Operations Lorry Harju.   Lorry is working hard to refine our operations model and  demonstrate added value to new and existing clients. We ran a couple new print ads this summer, all of which  use dogs to illustrate the predicaments of clients who  could use help from Brookwoods Group.  One ad shows a dog  balancing teacups on his nose  (www.brookwoods.com/ad4.htm) and the other shows a dog  trying to make-do with an ill-fitting solution  (www.brookwoods.com/ad5.htm).  Frankly, some people think  the latter ad is a little spooky.  Check it out and judge  for yourself! As always, CHECK OUT OUR WEBSITE at www.brookwoods.com!   ========================================================= => FRACTURED FEEDBACK Comments from our readers... Many readers noted that the HTML formatting did not  really work on their mail readers.  Others received the  formatting, but the graphics were not embedded where they  belonged.  All in all, I think I'll stick with plain text  for now!  If I want to show graphics, I'll use an html  link! Several people took us up on our offer to run a CarFax  report for them.   Gail Schutz commented on my bemoaning that my old car was  always in the shop, noting, "I have also heard it said  that the two best days in a boat owner's life are the  first day and the last day."  She may be right.  My car  has been in the shop since May (yes... May!).   Kim Padgett noted that we use a woman on the phone in the  bathtub as the icon for our Grapevine and "Buzz" sections  of the website.  (www.brookwoods.com/buzz.htm).  She  offered to "try to find one with a man taking a bath on a  cell phone for the next issue!!"  I never got a picture  from her, but I did find a picture of a naked man talking  on a headset.  Does that count?  See  www.brookwoods.com/other/890829-001.jpg Hank Moore thinks we do a very good job and produce "one  of the best e-newsletters that I've seen."  Thanks, Hank! Tom Lammers, Denise Boyd, and several others wrote that  the test to know whether you are ready to be a parent  left them laughing out loud.  If you missed it, see  www.brookwoods.com/grape/20010713.htm Let us know what you think of this newsletter or the  lunatic opinions expressed herein. Write to: party@brookwoods.com ========================================================= => GRATUITOUS HUMOROUS With all my problems over my old car in the shop, this  seems like a good story to tell: A mechanic was removing a cylinder head from the motor of  a Bentley, when he spotted a world - famous heart surgeon  in his shop. The heart surgeon was waiting for the  service manager to come take a look at his car. The  mechanic yelled across he garage, "Hey, Doc, can I ask  you a question?"     The famous surgeon, a bit surprised, walked over to the  mechanic working on the Bentley. The mechanic  straightened up, wiped his hands on a rag and asked, "So  Doc, look at this engine, I also can open hearts, take  valves out, fix 'em, put in new parts and when I finish,   this will work just like a new one. So how come I get a  pittance and you get the really big money, when you and I  are doing basically the same work?"    The surgeon paused, smiled and leaned over, and whispered  to the mechanic...      "Try doing it with the motor running." ---- This story illustrates the importance of providing clear  instructions, not subject to interpretation: A couple of Kentucky hunters are out in the woods when  one of them falls to the ground. He doesn't seem to be  breathing, his eyes are rolled back in his head.     The other guy whips out his cell phone and calls 911. He  gasps to the operator, "My friend is dead! What can I  do?"     The operator, in a calm soothing voice says, "Just take  it easy. I can help. First, lets make sure he's dead."     ...There is a silence, then a shot is heard.     The guy's voice comes back on the line. He says, "OK, now  what?"  ========================================================= => LISTING TO ONE SIDE Here is a list of words that really should exist in the  English language, but for some reason, they are not in  the dictionary.   ACCORDIONATED (ah kor' de on ay tid) -- adj. Being able  to drive and read a road map at the same time.     AQUADEXTROUS (ak wa deks' trus) -- adj. Possessing the  ability to turn the bathtub faucet on and off with your  toes.      AQUALIBRIUM (ak wa lib' re um) -- n. The point where the  stream of drinking fountain water is at its perfect  height, thus relieving the drinker from (a) having to  suck the nozzle, or (b) squirting himself in the eye (or  ear).      BURGACIDE (burg' uh side) -- n. When a hamburger can't  take any more torture and hurls itself through the grill  into the coals.     BUZZACKS (buz' aks) -- n. People in phone marts who walk  around picking up display phones and listening for dial  tones even when they know the phones  are not connected.     CARPERPETUATION (kar' pur pet u a shun) -- n. The act,  when vacuuming, of running over a string or a piece of  lint at least a dozen times, reaching over and picking it  up, examining it, then putting it back down to give the  vacuum one more chance.        DIMP (dimp) -- n. A person who insults you in a cheap  department store by asking, "Do you work here?"        DISCONFECT (dis kon fekt') -- v. To sterilize the piece  of candy you dropped on the floor by blowing on it,  somehow assuming this will `remove' all the germs.     ECNALUBMA (ek na lub' ma) -- n. A rescue vehicle which  can only be seen in the rearview mirror.        EIFFELITES (eye' ful eyetz) -- n. Gangly people sitting  in front of you at the movies who, no matter what  direction you lean in, follow suit.      ELBONICS (el bon' iks) -- n. The actions of two people  maneuvering for one armrest in a movie theater.        ELECELLERATION (el a cel er ay' shun) -- n. The mistaken  notion that the more you press an elevator button the  faster it will arrive.       FRUST (frust) -- n. The small line of debris that refuses  to be swept onto the dust pan and keeps backing a person  across the room until he finally decides to give up and  sweep it under the rug.     LACTOMANGULATION (lak' to man gyu lay' shun) -- n.  Manhandling the "open here" spout on a milk container so  badly that one has to resort to the 'illegal' side.        NEONPHANCY (ne on' fan see) -- n. A fluorescent light  bulb struggling to come to life.      PEPPIER (pehp ee ay') -- n. The waiter at a fancy  restaurant whose sole purpose seems to be walking around  asking diners if they want ground pepper.      PETROPHOBIC (pet ro fob' ik) -- adj. One who is  embarrassed to undress in front of a household pet.      PHONESIA (fo nee' zhuh) -- n. The affliction of dialing a  phone number and forgetting whom you were calling just as  they answer.      PUPKUS (pup' kus) -- n. The moist residue left on a  window after a dog presses its nose to it.        TELECRASTINATION (tel e kras tin ay' shun) -- n. The act  of always letting the phone ring at least twice before  you pick it up, even when you're only six inches away.   ========================================================= => GRAPEVINE HOUSEKEEPING We depend on word-of-mouth to spread the word about this   newsletter. If you enjoy reading the GRAPEVINE, please   forward it to a friend or colleague.     To subscribe, unsubscribe or change your e-mail address,  anyone can send a message to grapevine@brookwoods.com.     To view previous issues of the GRAPEVINE newsletter,   go to: http://www.brookwoods.com/grapes.htm    Brookwoods Group Inc. is a marketing communications  staffing and consulting company. Whether a Brookwoods   Group associate or an affiliated colleague, every   member of the group is dedicated to meeting the marketing  communications and communications staffing needs of our  clients. We are known for our competence, our integrity,   our good humor and our professional attitudes. Visit our   website at: www.brookwoods.com    > Brookwoods Group  > DELIVERY/OFFICES:  >   13100 Northwest Freeway  >   Suite 400  >   Houston TX 77040-6001  > PHONE:  >   713-934-0532 Office  >   713-934-0589 Office Fax  > Comments to: grapevine@brookwoods.com