Experiencing a sexual assault or rape is a huge loss of control, and your friend needs to be able to feel in control while they are healing.Try not to make decisions for them or take charge, but rather allow them to do it for themselves.Encourage them and then support them with whatever they decide.


If the rape did not occur recently, there may still be some situations or things that your friend feels very particular about. It will help their anxiety and sense of self for you to let them control certain aspects of their environment to make sure they are comfortable.
Let them control who knows. Your friend confided in you because they trust you, respect that trust and allow them to control who they tell.
Let them control what you guys do when you are hanging out together, especially where you go. It is the one way to ensure they are going to be comfortable.
Let them decide when they are ready to participate in activities, everything from social activities to support groups or counseling.
 It is a horrible thing to happen to someone, and they are going to need you for support. One way you can help support them is to make sure they are taking a mental break from it every once and awhile, if they can. Remind them that you are there to listen, but mention that maybe you can help distract them for a little bit. Afterwards, remind them that you are still available to talk if they want to. Talk to them about it as often as you can and as often as they need.


For a short distraction, maybe offer to play a card game, watch a movie, or go get coffee or ice cream, if they are comfortable with it.
 In all of the worrying and helping your friend, don't forget about your own health. Hearing about a rape can be very upsetting. Being around someone who is going through a healing process from a traumatic event, can have a profound affect on you as well. Know that you need to take care of yourself so that you are able to help your friend. Try the following:


Make sure you are eating and sleeping well. You will need to recharge your batteries in order to keep up with your life and with helping your friend.
Make sure you are taking breaks for yourself. Hopefully your friend has others supporting them, so that you all can share in the tasks and take breaks when you need to.
If you are feeling emotional, start to notice you are having nightmares, or seem to be having similar symptoms to your friend, seek help from a counselor. You may be experiencing vicarious trauma.
 Recovery from any traumatic experience takes time and can take many years.In this instance your friend went through something very violating. It may take time for them to trust, to be okay with going out, or to “return to normal” again. Give them the space and time they need to rebuild their sense of safety, control and self-worth.If the rape occurred long ago, understand that there are aspects that your friend may still be dealing with. Either way, they will be so grateful to have a friend like you supporting them.
Let them be in control.
Focus on it as much as they want to.
Take care of yourself.
Be patient.
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