Empathy is one of the most powerful tools you can use to support parents of special needs children. The parents often have feelings of grief and loss of dreams and expectations, and they may feel guilty about these feelings.Stay away from saying "I'm sorry" or making similar comments, but be sure to validate their feelings. It may be essentially automatic for you to apologize, but this isn't what the parents need to hear. You have nothing to apologize for, and you'll better support the parents by accentuating the positive rather than acting like something terrible has happened to them.
Ask if there is anything specific that offends or annoys them, so you can refrain from doing those things. For example, some people are deeply offended by "people-first" language, in which you describe their child as a "child with special needs" rather than a "special needs child." They prefer "identity-first" language, instead.Although the word is used in legal and social contexts, many people also dislike the word "disability," because it focuses on what the child can't do rather than what they can. Others prefer it to terms they find patronizing or condescending. The only real way to know is to ask about their personal preference, if they have one.
 Parents with special needs children want to protect their child, and may have significant concerns about the future. As someone who cares for them, your role is to acknowledge those concerns and recognize them as valid.Avoid using dismissive language. If the parents mention something about their child, you may be inclined to say something like "oh, that's no big deal." However, for that child it may be a very big deal.
Similarly, saying the child will grow out of it or be "better" when they're older will only show that you don't understand that child's diagnosis or how it affects their life.
Instead, accept the parents' concerns at face value and acknowledge their validity. You might say "I understand that you're concerned about Jamie making friends in a new school. That's a valid concern. What can I do to help?" You can also say, “What are you thinking about doing about it?” to help them develop solutions.
 Parents with disabled children often feel powerless to help their children and may believe they are not providing enough for their children or doing all that they can do. You can support the parents by reminding them of the good things and maintaining a positive outlook on the future.They need people to remind them that they are good parents, so when you see them doing something admirable, say so.


Be there to celebrate with them on the good days, and on the bad days you can be the one to remind them of the good days and reassure them that there are many more good days ahead.
At times you may not feel like being positive, but being optimistic (even if you have to fake it) encourages the parents and families to carry on.
You do want to keep your optimism in check, though. Don't insist on a positive attitude at the expense of failing to acknowledge the parents' legitimate concerns. Saying things like "Oh, it'll be just fine. There's nothing to worry about!" can make the parents think you're being dismissive.
 If you also have experience with disability, the parents may come to you with questions. However, if you don't have experience raising a special needs child you typically aren't going to have any advice that would be helpful.If you've been reading about the child's diagnosis or about parenting disabled children, you may find an article or website that you want to share with the parents. However, you shouldn't do this in a way that comes across like you are judging them, or criticizing their parenting skills.
For example, if you read something that you think would benefit the parents, you might say "I read this article yesterday that reminded me of you as a parent. Would you like me to send you the link?" If they are interested, you can share it with them.
Empathize with the parents.
Acknowledge the parents' concerns.
Stay positive.
Avoid giving unsolicited advice.
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