When you tell your children that you are getting divorced, they may experience a range of emotions; however, the biggest emotion is likely to be a feeling of insecurity and uncertainty. Explain to them that the divorce is not their fault and that both of you still love them a lot.For example, you can say, “Together, we have decided that the best thing for everyone is if we don’t live together anymore. This will be tough for everyone at first, but we’ll get through it as best we can. The most important thing you should understand is that we both love you very much, and our decision is nobody’s fault.”
If you and your ex will be sharing custody, make sure that your children understand that they aren’t being asked to choose between you and your ex.
If one of you will have sole custody of the children, one of you will need to explain why this is. For example, if you will have sole custody of your children you can say, “Right now, Dad (or Mom) has some things (s)he needs to work on so you won’t be able to see him (or her) too often. Try not to worry. He (she) loves you very much, and is doing his (her) best.”

, When you are dealing with a lot of emotions, you may unintentionally say bad things about your ex. Focus all of your efforts on not doing this in front of your children. It is important to recognize that your children may be struggling to understand what divorce means for them. If you say negative things about their other parent, they will feel as though they have to choose.Even if your ex has really hurt you, try to remember that your child loves them. Your ex may have hurt you, but that doesn’t mean your child should be hurt, too. If you feel the need to say something to your children about how you’re feeling, you could say something like, “Mommy and daddy both tried very hard, but in the end, we just couldn’t make it work. I feel very sad about how things worked out, but you don’t need to think that you can’t love both of us.”
You should also avoid using your children to communicate with your ex. For example, saying "Tell your mother that she needs to come get this last box of her stuff" is not appropriate. Your children are not couriers and are not there to pass information along to your ex. If you need to talk to them, text, call, email — reach out to them directly.
 Your child may experience a whole range of emotions, just like you are probably experiencing. Try to listen to what they are expressing before reacting.For example, if your child gets angry and yells at you, don’t react before giving yourself a chance to see where this emotion is coming from. Don’t just scold them and send them to their room. Instead, say something like, “It seems like you’re pretty angry. What is making you feel so angry?”

, Your child may want to talk about the divorce, but may not know what to say or where to begin. To help them, try asking open-ended questions about how they are feeling or what they think about the divorce.You can also ask them about any concerns they might have. For example, they might be concerned about how often they will get to spend time with the other parent, or if they will have to change schools.
It’s important to keep questions open-ended. For example, if you want to ask them their feelings about the divorce, don’t say, “Are you feeling sad about the divorce?” Instead, say, “What feelings do you have about our divorce?” If they give you a one-word answer (e.g. “sad,” “mad,” “scared”) try respond with another question. For example, if they say they are sad, then say, “What about the divorce makes you feel sad?”
Don’t push it. Though you should try to regularly ask questions to help them process their thoughts, if they seem reluctant to talk, then don’t keep pushing them. If they don’t want to talk, then come back and ask again another day.
 If you are sharing custody with your ex, then don’t let your child see you upset when they leave, even if you are. If your child sees that you are upset, they may feel guilty and unable to enjoy time with the other parent.Be sure to smile when they leave. If you want to say something, then you can say, “Have a great time with Dad (or Mom)! I know they can’t wait to see you!”
Reassure your children.
Avoid saying negative things about your ex.
Let them express their emotions.
Ask your children questions.
Be happy when they go see the other parent.
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