Before you criticize someone, point out something that he or she does well or that you like. This can help soften the blow of your critique.


Starting with an honest compliment can get the conversation started on right footing, and avoid making the other person feel attacked.Sticking with the example of a friend who makes hurtful jokes, you might start by saying, "Jim, I think you are a really funny guy. The thing is...."

, When raising your criticism, keep tone of voice calm and friendly. This will reduce the likelihood of the other person becoming defensive or angry.Even if the issue you are raising is something that makes you feel upset, keep your tone thoughtful and relaxed. The other person will be more likely to see your point of view.
 What you do with your face, arms, and body while criticizing someone can also play an important role in how the other person receives your message. Make sure your body language communicates calmness and matches what you are saying.For example, crossing your arms can communicate to some people that you are upset or closed off. Pointing at someone can be seen as an attacking gesture. Maintain eye contact, and try to keep your body language open and friendly, or at least neutral.
 Choosing your words with care may be the most important part of tactful criticism. Explain your problem with the other person's actions using non-judgemental language. Focus on your feelings about the issue rather than criticizing the other person.For example, if your friend has been making racially insensitive jokes, do not say "You seem like a racist" or even "Your jokes are kind of racist." Instead, say "Sometimes your jokes are upsetting to me, and I worry that you might be offending others as well."
Say what you need to say in "soft" terms that won't feel like an attack. Criticize the behavior that's bothering you, not the character of the person you are criticizing.Personal attacks are seldom well received.
Keep your message short and to the point. Talking too much can increase the possibility that you will accidentally say something you regret.
 Your criticism may be better received if you can point out that you have made similar mistakes in the past. This shows the other person that you can relate to him or her and that you aren't suggesting you are superior.In the case of your friend making the offensive jokes, you might say something like: "I understand you aren't trying to upset anyone. One time, I accidentally upset some of my friends by..." From here, you could go on to tell a story of a time you upset people without meaning to.
 Keep your criticism focused on one specific issue, and don't stockpile criticisms to deliver all at once. This can make the other person feel overwhelmed and attacked.If your friend who makes insulting jokes also has a tendency to burp loudly at meals, this is not something to bring up right now. That's a separate issue that you can raise at a later time if you decide it's important.
 During and after the criticism, offer praise for changes you see in the other person's behavior. This lets him or her know you have noticed any efforts that have been made in response to the issue you have raised.During the conversation, you might tell your friend, "I really appreciate how sensitive to my feelings about this you have been during this conversation"
After the conversation, if your friend stops making offensive jokes, you could say something like, "Your jokes have really made me laugh lately. Thanks for hearing my concerns about this."

, It is not unusual for a person who is criticized to respond by raising issues he or she may have with you. If this happens, accept these criticisms calmly and with an open mind.
Start with a compliment.
Use a calm tone of voice.
Use appropriate body language.
Choose your words carefully.
Try to relate.
Be specific and don't pile on the critiques.
Offer praise.
Accept criticism.
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