Some partners prefer not to hear the details of the affair, but if knowing them will help you forgive and recover, ask.


Try to focus on emotional questions rather than logistical questions. For example, instead of asking which hotel they met in, ask your husband why he decided to cheat. This is a healthier way to move towards forgiveness.;
, Your husband needs to know you feel hurt, betrayed, sad, angry and everything else you have going on inside you.
 He may have excuses or he may have a lot of regret, sorrow and self loathing to share with you.


Create an atmosphere where both of you feel safe sharing your emotions with each other so your marriage can move forward.
 Yelling and crying is okay and understandable. Violence is not.


Remember that your husband will likely feel better about being honest if you are able to receive what he has to say without fighting or threatening to leave.
Give each other space when necessary. If you head towards an argument or emotions get out of control, take a timeout from the talks.
 You will have a hard time forgiving if you talk about this affair for the rest of your life.
 Show your commitment to the marriage by leaving notes, sending flowers and making time for one another so you can re-connect.
 This works for some people and not for others, but it is worth a try if you want to forgive and move on.
, You can visit a therapist once a week, go on a weekend retreat or take a class that helps you rebuild your marriage. Explore your options.
 If you want to forgive your husband and keep your marriage intact, let your therapist know that is the end goal.
 There are some good books on how to forgive and move past infidelity in marriage.
 This will discourage any talk of revenge or leaving from those who may have other ideas about what you should do.
 You can discuss your doubts, pain and uncertainty without fear of judgment or disappointment.
 You can talk to others who are going through the same thing and get strength from your shared experience.
 Your children, your plans for the future or your many years of memories can help you move towards forgiveness and away from anger and hurt.
Ask all the questions you need to of your husband.
Talk about how the affair makes you feel.
Listen to how your husband feels.
Allow yourself to demonstrate your emotions.
Talk it out and then avoid revisiting the discussions about cheating.
Communicate nonverbally with each other.
Ask your husband if he is willing to seek marriage counseling or couples therapy.
Choose a counselor experienced in helping couples work through issues of infidelity.

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Look for a format that works best for your lifestyle and budget.
Visit a counselor with the intention of avoiding divorce.
Ask your therapist for reading recommendations.
Let well-meaning friends and family members know you are working on forgiveness and trying to save your marriage.
Talk about how you feel with your closest friends and family.
Look for support from church and community groups.
Focus on your reasons for forgiving.
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