Selective mutism often appears in kids by the age of five, but likely goes undiagnosed in many cases. People often assume that a child with SM is just really shy, or perhaps that he or she is deliberately not speaking as a ploy to get attention or “make a scene.” Don’t be fooled, though — selective mutism is very real and is not under the control of the person with the condition.SM is an anxiety disorder, so yelling at or punishing a child will almost certainly backfire by causing even more anxiety.
Don’t ignore the condition by saying “oh, she’s just quiet,” or have a huge celebration any time a person with SM speaks up in a social situation. Treat it as a real and manageable condition.
SM won’t just “go away” if you ignore it. In fact, it may get worse as a child grows up. So don’t delay in seeking a diagnosis and treatment.;
, Building a healthy, close relationship with a child (or adult) with SM is one of the first steps toward overcoming the condition. The more comfortable and confident the person is in speaking with you about thoughts or feelings, the more capable he or she will be to manage the anxiety that comes with interacting with strangers or larger groups.Spend time with the individual. Promote conversation by asking questions (“What are you building with those blocks?” “What do those clouds look like to you?” “If you could go anywhere in the world, where would it be?”). Build up trust and comfort (a “safe space”) so that the person is completely comfortable in expressing his or her feelings.
 Everyone with SM experiences the condition differently. Some do fine in a school classroom but can’t speak in front of a single stranger. Some can speak in front of the same group of people in one setting but not in another. Additionally, other sources of anxiety might exacerbate the condition, and calming influences might moderate it. Identifying these “triggers” can help significantly with treatment.Especially if your loved one with SM is an older child or adult, you may be able to identify anxiety triggers (job stress, relationship troubles, money issues, etc.) that exacerbate the condition. Helping the person to manage these stressors may help to manage SM as well.
Don’t ignore, deny, or minimize the condition.
Create a “safe space” for expression.
Identify what makes the condition worse and better.
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