When having any kind of serious discussion, it is best to do so in a semi-private place with few distractions. A neutral place is best. Don’t have one friend come to the other friend’s house. Look for a quiet spot outside or a have your friends meet you at a café.


Make sure that your intentions for having them meet you are clear. Try saying something like, “I have heard both sides of the story. I think that if the two of you sat down and shared your feelings, then you could put this fight behind you. I will go along and mediate if you need me to.”

, If your friends are still emotionally charged from the argument, then it might not be possible to resolve the conflict. Encourage both of your friends to arrive in a good state of mind.For example, you could encourage your friends to listen to their favorite “happy song” before arriving at the meeting, or ask each of them to take five minutes to breathe deeply and collect their thoughts.
 Using “I” statements can help when two people are fighting because it reduces the chances that your friends will become defensive. “You” statements make people feel defensive.For example, if one friend says “You make me feel bad about myself!” then the other friend might feel the need to defend herself from this statement. This can start a cycle of blaming and defending that will go nowhere.
Instead, your friend could say something like, “I feel bad when you criticize what I am wearing.” This statement places the emphasis on how the speaker feels while still pointing out the other person’s behavior.
Talk to your friends about why it is important to use “I” statements during their discussion and encourage them to do so. If you notice one of your friend using “You” statements, then gently correct him or her. Say something like, “How does that make you feel?”

, If your friends start fighting right in front of you, it is important to defuse the situation. Do not allow it to continue. For example, if your friends start raising their voices at each other, then call a time out or suggest that you take a 15 minute break to cool off.If your friends cannot sit down and discuss the problem without arguing, then you may need to ask an adult to help mediate the conflict. Try asking a teacher or parent if he or she would be willing to mediate.
 Encourage your friends to ask each other questions during this conversation as well. It might be possible that the fight was caused by misinformation or a misunderstanding, so asking questions can be helpful.


For example, if one friend thinks the other friend intentionally left her out of something, but the other friend thought she already had plans, then that information is crucial.
If you are aware of any misunderstandings, then you could gently encourage one friend to ask the other friend about it. Try saying something like, “Didn’t you want to ask Susie why she did not invite you to the movies last weekend?”

, After both friends have talked for a while and shared their feelings and perspectives, they may be willing to apologize and forgive each other. However, don’t try to force this. If your friends feel ready to forgive, then they will probably do so.


Try saying something like, “Do you both feel better now that you have talked?”
If your friends are still upset with each other and are not ready to forgive and move on, then let them go their separate ways. Depending on what has happened between them, they might just need some time apart.
 To help your friends get along better in the future, it might also be helpful to look for a solution that might prevent a similar problem and discuss ways that your friends can put it into practice.This can come in the form of a new rule in the friendship or a pledge to do or not do something.


For example, if one friend was upset because the other friend did not invite him to go to the movies over the weekend, then the other friend might agree to send him a text even if she thinks he is busy.
Choose a time and place to meet.
Make sure that your friends are both calm.
Encourage your friends to use “I” statements.
Help de-escalate any conflict that arises.
Ask your friends if anything is unclear.
See if your friends are ready to forgive each other.
Look for ways to prevent a similar problem.
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