About 15 years from now, there will be thousands of people who have covered various parts of their bodies with tattoos that are going to feel really stupid. It will no longer be trendy and they will spend the rest of their lives explaining why they have all-you-can-eat ink permanently branded on themselves."Well, we were in Cabo and I'd had a few margaritas. I was feeling pretty loosey-goosey, one thing led to another and well, I ended up with Calvin taking a wiz on a Florida State Seminoles logo tattooed on my forearm. I know, it's stupid." Those conversations are going to happen by the bucketful.It's not that I think all tattoos are in poor taste. The practice is not for me personally, but to each his own. In fact, not that long ago my very conservative father had a milestone birthday and got the Rampant Lion of Scotland tatted on his bicep. It's a small nod to the heritage that we are very proud of.I believe my father's tattoo was thought about for a long time. It was not a spontaneous or booze influenced decision. Sadly many tats are just that; either a spur of the moment purchase or inspired by too much of a favorite tipple.With other fads, you can participate and not make it a lifetime commitment. You can take the double hoop earrings out pretend it never happened. (If you still have those, you need to take them out.) You can shave off your side-spike. You can take off your parachute pants. It's a little more of a chore to remove your Dane Cook "Su-Fi" tattoo.(Who's going to feel more stupid down the road; The "Su-Fi" tattoo gang or those that have "Git-R-Done" permanently on their body? A tough call. It's a good thing that tattoos weren't as popular on the early 80's or their would be a few people with Yakov Smirnoff on their shoulder blade.)Many will feel stupid, the owners of the following tattoos are going to feel like the southbound end of a northbound horse.

When I was looking for bad tattoos, I was shocked at what I found. Some truly amazing stupidity. I'm still trying to get the image of the guy who tattooed his knob to look like a dragon out of my head. I can't link to it for personal reasons. It could traumatize the children. You'll have to find that one on your own.How would you like to be the tattoo artist on duty when the guy comes in and says, "I have an idea for my next tattoo. Can you make my wiener look like Smaug from The Hobbit?" I imagine that the guy was not scheduled to work that day but took his buddies shift so he could go to a birthday party. He wasn't supposed to be there next thing he knew, he was inking up some nut's John Thomas. Bad day at the office.These are the most stupid, most clichéd ink in the book.- First of all, you have to sit bare-assed in the tattoo parlor for an hour or more. Your keester blowin' in the wind while you get a four leafed clover inked on. Not good.- I'm not sure how this became a mark of pride in the redneck community, but I believe it started with the Yosemite Sam mud-flaps. Pretty sure that's right. I've seen Bugs Bunny, Tweety Bird, Daffy Duck, the aforementioned Sam, Sylvester, even Foghorn Leghorn. (Who is hilarious and has one of the best cartoon names ever.) But it's Taz that shows up the most on the farmer tanned biceps.I don't care if your pal is a pretty good doodler and can draw the Yankees logo and a cocktail napkin. The homemade tattoo always appears to be just that. My cousin spent some time in Nicaragua. He has an amazing photo with his arm around a shirtless cat that has a homemade tattoo of a huge erect penis on his chest. You wonder who's idea it was. Maybe he was so drunk that his friends decided to put a wiener on him as a joke. That's a whole other level from the classic "Sharpie on the forehead" gag.Let's say you were a diehard Michael Jackson fan in the late 80's. You had the glove, the zippered jacket, the cat eye contact lenses from "Thriller," the lot. You have the choreography to "Smooth Criminal" down pat. So you get a King of Pop tattoo on your arm. Uh oh. He's a child molester. Crap. That doesn't come off. I bet there is someone with an O.J. Simpson #32 tat still on their calf. You never know when a hero could fall from grace. Also in this category is a band that's not at least twenty years into making records. I know a girl whose little brother had Limp Bizkit autograph his leg, then he had the tattoo artist go over them permanently. Oops.This would be the meat head thathas "I'm With Stupid" on his midsection with an arrow pointing down to his junk. The use of a bellybutton for an animal's anus. Good one. The worst I saw was a joker that had two fishnet stocking legs on his arm and inner torso, and his armpit hair was made to look like a woman's pubic hair. Sweet fancy Moses. You may think you are clever, but it will be funny for fifteen minutes and embarrassing for life.Really hackneyed and lame. You're not on fire. You're a lemming following the others that wear shiny pants and wife-beaters off the cliff of clichés.This one seems to be growing in popularity. Hardly a day goes by when I don't see a child's name in fancy cursive tatted on a straphanger's neck while riding the 1 train. It's not a good idea unless you are a musician or professional athlete. You are essentially cashing in your respect in society with the neck tat. If you're going in for a job interview and you have a skull and crossbones tattoo peeking out from your shirt collar, I'm willing to wager you're not getting the gig.I firmly believe that 90% of the tattoo removal practice's business is from this very mistake. The only one to pull off a fix on this one was Johnny Depp. While engaged to Winona "I'll Just Help Myself To These" Ryder. Depp had "Winona Forever" on his bicep. He later changed it to "Wino Forever." That is kind of funny.Sorry ladies, this is ridiculous. No intricate design or use of a butterfly makes it original. It only shows you have no individual style and want to be lumped in with the club-hopping Paris Hilton wannabe's.The lamest of the lame. I have news for you, Chief, there is nothing "tribal" about your ink. It wasn't designed by the village elders of the Masai tribe in Africa. It was scribbled on a legal pad by a high school dropout that goes by the handle "Fruit Loops." You're a walking billboard for the unoriginal. Every time you think it's cool, you should remember that Nick Lachey and other boy band members have one. I rest my case, your honor.And finally ...The Lifetime Achievement Award For Crap Tattoos goes to ...The barbed wire band would like to thank God, the committee for voting, and Pamela Anderson.