John Gray, Mars And Venus, 25 November 2013:

Dear John: Does what goes around really come around? I’ve been dumped hard several times! I’m beginning to believe that there is no justice in the dating game. Do women who dump nice guys really get their due later on? — Kicked to the Curb, in Cleveland, Ohio

Dear Kicked to the Curb,

What goes around really does come around, Kicked! While you live your super nice life being a super nice person, every woman who didn’t immediately give you the relationship you deserve by virtue of your niceness will crumble into her empty, worthless emotional bitch shell and cry for fucking ever, like really hard crying and a whole lot of it.

Go forth into the world and be a beacon of niceness, knowing that people who don’t pay you the emotional and physical affection you’re owed by the universe will suffer endlessly after they foolishly reject your niceness, the best niceness of all time and which entitles you to the attention of literally anyone and everyone. Women who were too fucking stupid to see how nice you are will get exactly what they deserve for dumping a big-hearted guy like you, who recognizes women for the ungrateful, ignorant pieces of shit they are.