I can’t tell you how relieved I am. I’m not pregnant! After my doctor confirmed that I have what looks like a mild case of food poisoning it was like a stone fell from my chest. My stomach was still a bit upset, but I just ignored it. I sat on a bench outside the hospital for a good ten minutes, just taking in the beautiful morning, watching the birds play around on the trees.

I didn’t even mind talking to the naked lady who probably just escaped the psychiatric unit. She was rambling something about dogs. I wanted to hug her, I was so happy.

As I walked down the street on my way home, I bumped into Hailey at the cafe. She smiled at me and said we need to talk. On any other day I probably would have told her “I don’t think so”, but I was in such an elevated mood. I just nodded and told her to lead on. I did not expect ending up at their house, but that’s where she took me. All the way she was making small talk about the weather, books, movies.

She sat me down in their living room and made me a tea. I still had no idea where this is going. I was sipping my earl grey in puzzlement, when Hailey appeared with the newborn baby daughter in her arm.

“So… umm… your daughter… How is she doing?”, I asked, not knowing what else to say. I’m really not keen on children, and babies even scare me.

“Oh, she’s fine. Such a good girl. She really is a happy baby!” She wasn’t even looking at me. I kept fidgeting on the sofa, undecided whether I should stay, or excuse myself and leave.

Suddenly she looked at me. She was still smiling.

“You need to forget about him”

“Who?… What are you…?”, I was confused. Hailey stood up and took the baby back in her room. I thought this would be my opportunity to leave. I was half way across the room when she came back. That odd smile was still plastered onto her face.

“You know perfectly well who I’m talking about. You had your eyes on Ben since the day you met him. But you need to understand that he is with me. We are a family… I know this must be hard for you. Being alone at your age, not having a child, or a man to share your life with…”

My jaw dropped. I started muttering something about this not being anyone’s business, when Ben walked in. He looked bewildered. Hailey carried on telling me about how happy they are together and what a wonderful daddy Ben is to their two girls and one day surely I will find someone who can complete me. The whole situation felt quite surreal. Complete me? Am I just half a person, or something? Ben looked like he was having a nervous breakdown.

“That’s quite all right, Hailey. You are making our guest a bit uncomfortable… and it’s getting late. I’m sure Abbie has some other things to do”, Ben patted Hailey’s hand.

“Yes… erm… other things, of course”, I jumped at the opportunity, and made my way to the front door. Hailey planted a gentle kiss on Ben’s face before announcing that she’s going to check on the baby. I wanted to throw up.

As I was walking down their street I heard footsteps behind me. Ben came up to me running.

“Abbie, I’m so sorry”, he said, still panting a little bit. He grabbed my arm to steady himself. “This shouldn’t have happened. Hailey took into her head that you are in love with me, because you see me as the perfect future dad of your children…”

“Ben? Does she know… ehm…”, I didn’t want to say it out loud. After spending the afternoon with his girlfriend I felt dirty just thinking about it.

“What? No, of course not. She thinks I was out that night drinking with my buddies…”, he looked quite flustered too. “But she noticed that there was something between us, so she decided you must have had a crush on me. She keeps telling me you seem like a nice girl and you must be lonely and that she feels sorry for you for…”

“Sorry? For me?… Lonely?”, I gasped. This is crazy. This is surely not real. I couldn’t take it anymore, so I turned around and started marching down the street before Ben could follow me again.

The more I think about it, the more hilarious this gets. Hailey thinking I’m this poor babycrazy girl, having a crush on her boyfriend and she’s trying to spare my feelings by pointing out that Ben is a happy family man. I can’t stop laughing… Only if she knew!

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