Cat: Michael asked me to marry him.
[ Both gasp ]
Cat: I'm engaged!
[ All scream ]
Owen: Can I be your best man?
Cat: You know I love you, but... the best man is going to be...
5.04 - Country Weekend Non-existent. [ Sighs ] Yeah. We're just doing, like, a casual thing with friends.
Glenn: That way, everybody has a nice time.
Betty: Just doing a last-minute spruce up before the guests arrive for the weekend.
Cat: Oh, Betty. You've always cared for my family's country home as if it's your job.
Betty: It is my job.
[ Horn honks ]
Cat: Oh, hi!
You guys drove!
Glenn: We made it here, okay? All right? Yeah, I took one wrong turn out of 100 turns. Hey, Cat.
Cat: Tough drive?
Marvin: No! I'm not in the charity business. Look... We either like the number or not, or I shove it up your ass.
Lola: Sorry. Things are really crazy at Marvin's work.
Marvin: It was just made-up.
Glenn: He's been yapping on the phone the whole time.
Lola: I know, I know.
Glenn: I'm not talking about him behind his back. He's standing right there. He can hear me. Not everybody's deaf, you know.
Owen: Hey!
Lola: Hi. Oh, Owen and Denise.
Owen: How great that your parents' country home is in the same part of Japan as the army base that we're living on?
Lola: It's practically unbelievable.
Cat: Oh, I'm just so glad you could make it.
Denise: Any chance to spend some quality time with my hubby.
Cat: Aww, you two.
Owen: Oh, man. I am crazy about my wife.
Glenn: You are so lucky. Sherry and I haven't gotten along since that time before we met.
[ Horn honks ]
Cat: Oh, guys, hey!
Val and Al are here! Hey!
Lola: I forgot. Val is dating comedy-music legend Weird Al Yankovic.
Valerie: Hi, guys. This is my boyfriend, Weird Al Yankovic.
Weird Al: Please, call me Weird Al... Yankovic. Or just Weird Al Yankovic. Whatever you're more comfortable with. Val's told me so many funny stories about one of you.
[ All laugh ]
Glenn: I heard you the first time, Sherry.
I'm not blind. Okay, well, you keep yelling like that, you're gonna break something. Oh, my God. Hmm.
Owen: Everyone, I'd like to propose a toast.
Cat: Aww.
Marvin: What part of "final offer" don't you understand?
Lola: Honey, honey.
Marvin: I talked to you a few days ago about this.
Owen: To Cat.
Denise: Aww.
Weird Al: Powerful.
Cat: You're gonna make me cry.
Denise: Boo-boo...
Lola: Wait, you guys. We're toasting the bride, but we haven't even met the groom.
[ All laugh ]
Cat: [ Sighing ] Oh, gosh.
No, Michael's on his way home from work, and if he is running on time, he'll be here in 60 seconds.
Michael: Actually, I was gonna take the 9:15 train out of the city, but I finished up early and jumped on the 9:14.
Cat: Michael...
Michael: Hi, baby.
Cat: Hey. [ Smooches ] I wasn't expecting you for another minute.
Michael: Nice to meet you all. Cat's told me so many funny stories about all but one of you.
Cat: Michael's in the music business.
Michael: Yeah, I'm a cashier at Guitar Center.
Denise: Ooh.
Cat: He's met Alex Van Halen twice.
Valerie: Second to Eddie, that is the Van Halen you want to meet.
Cat: So, this is Owen and his wife, Denise. And Valerie and her boyfriend, Weird Al Yankovic.
Michael: Oh, hey.
Cat: And that's Marvin over there. And my white housekeeper, Betty. And, finally, my very best friend in the world...
Together: Lola Spratt.
Lola: Hi, Michael.
Cat: How do you two know each other?
Lola: From Columbia. I was pre-med.
Michael: And I was pre... What was it again?
Lola: [ Laughs ]
Cat: [ Laughing ] Pre-what? What was it again?
Valerie: Cat, are you all right?
Glenn: Ladies and gentlemen, I have some very disturbing news. My wife, Sherry's, been stabbed. She's dead.
Owen: Somebody call 911.
Cat: My folks don't believe in landlines, so we have to use someone's cell.
Lola: We could ask Marvin to use his.
Owen: We'll just have to wait till he gets off.
Denise: Sweetie, you used to be a police officer. You can conduct the investigation for the time being.
Glenn: Great idea.
Owen: Okay.
Cat: She's right.
Owen: Meanwhile, no one here should worry about this. A woman has been stabbed, probably by someone who's walking among us, but the important thing is to focus on the beautiful wedding of Cat and Michael taking place tomorrow.
Denise: Aww...
Lola: Aww...
Weird Al: Powerful.
Cat: Not that I care at all, but how come you never mentioned anything about you and Lola?
[ Slams ]
[ Thud ]
Michael: What do you want me to say?
Am I supposed to report to you every single detail of my entire life?!
Cat: Okay, okay. I'm sorry. [ Chuckling ] I'm sorry.
Michael: I'm gonna get a snack. You want anything?
Cat: Um...I'll take whatever's just lying around. I mean, if there's a couscous medley, I'll take it in a tagine.
Michael: [ Humming ]
Lola: Let me guess. Peanut butter on bread.
Michael: [ Chuckles ] You remembered.
Lola: It feels like just yesterday... the day I met you at that party in the 1990's.
Lola: [ Chuckles ] What is that awesome smell? Is that peanut butter and bread?
Michael: Not quite. Peanut butter on bread.
Lola: [ Chuckles ]
Michael: It's kind of my specialty. Here. Try it.
Lola: Okay. Mmm. It's peanut buttery, but I can definitely taste the bread in there, too.
Michael: That's exactly... what I was going for.
Lola: I'm Lola. Pre-med.
Michael: Michael. Pre-ejaculate making its way up my vas deferens.
Lola: [ Sighs ]
Michael: I figure since you're pre-med, you understand what I'm saying.
Lola: You know, I still think of you fondly every time I see or taste bread.
Michael: Yeah?
Lola: Yeah.
Michael: Well, we should get some sleep, huh?
Lola: Yeah. Good night.
Michael: Good night.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Classical music plays ]
Marvin: Dude, you're killing me here.
No, I'll call it off. I don't care. No. You tell...
Michael: [ Sighs ]
Together: Oh, I didn't see you come in.
[ Both laugh ]
Lola: [ Sighs ]
Are you in the middle of a number two right now?
Michael: No. Too nervous.
Lola: Good.
[ Moans ]
Who are we kidding? Oh, this was bound to happen. Oh, Michael. Oh, I haven't had s*x on a toilet in months.
Glenn: Oh, here comes Cat.
Valerie: She looks so beautiful.
Glenn: Oh, she looks great.
Owen: Oh, she went with the white dress.
Michael: I can't do this.
Cat: Michael.
Michael: I'm so sorry, everybody. I'm sorry, Cat. The wedding's off.
Cat: Why?
Owen: I can tell you why. Because his fiancée... is a murderer!
[ All gasp ]
Glenn: What?
Owen: It look a while to put it all together, but now it makes perfect sense.
Cat hated Glenn's wife, Sherry, from moment one. Sherry is a woman that can't hear anything at all! Then there's the matter of the weapon. The weapon was a stainless steel knife purchased from where? A department store. Now, then. It gives me pause as far as this being as... [ sighs ] strong a case as I'd hoped when I... heard it in my head before I started speaking. And it is actually unlikely that Cat did this murder at all. And now it's just anxiety that I have as I... look around and see everybody looking.
[ Thunder crashes ]
Denise!
Lola: Marvin?!
Marvin: What? What can I say? You caught us. I'm having s*x with Denise right now. There's no denying it.
Lola: So, Marvin, were you on the phone with Denise the whole time negotiating the terms of your impending affair?
Marvin: In a nutshell, yes. That's right.
Owen: Denise, how could you?
Denise: Let's face it, Owen. I want to have fun, and you always want to investigate Sherry's murder. Of course I had s*x with Marvin. How could I not?
Owen: Wait, what?
Lola: Well, then I have an announcement to make, too. Michael and I are in love. And we've decided to be together.
Michael: It's too late, Lola. I'm in love with someone else.
Lola: What?
Michael: It happened when we were in the bathroom.
Lola: But...
Michael: I love you.
Michael: I've been wanting to quit my job, but you needed me to be the big, fancy cashier at Guitar Center, and, you know what? I never met Alex Van Halen.
Lola: [ Gasps ]
Michael: I only told you that I met A.V.H., 'cause that's the kind of cashier that you needed me to be.
Cat: No. I...
Michael: Betty's the first woman to give me the courage to pursue my dreams. So she and I are gonna live together. And we're both gonna work for Weird Al Yankovic.
Weird Al: That's right. Betty's gonna manage my Twitter account, and Michael is gonna be my personal cashier.
Valerie: Were you gonna mention this to me?
Weird Al: No, I wasn't. Why?
Michael: Well, there's nothing left to say. I, uh, got a taxi waiting outside if you want a ride. Betty, Marvin, Weird Al, Denise.
[ Zipper zips ]
[ Door opens ]
[ Thunder crashes ]
[ Door closes ]
Glenn: Oh, Mondays, right?
The weekends are never quite long enough.
Owen: Hey, that reminds me, Glenn. About your wife's stabbing... You know, I'm kind of stumped on this. Everybody seems to have an alibi but you.
Glenn: All right, listen. Listen to me. I did it, okay? I killed Sherry. But it was only because I was angry at her.
Owen: Oh. That's why your prints were on the knife. You did it.
Glenn: That's exactly right.
Owen: I just figured it out.
Glenn: Should we go to the cops?
Owen: I'll tell you what. Just this once, I'm gonna take off my investigator hat and I'm gonna put on my friend hat and let you off with a warning.
Glenn: [ Chuckles ] Wow. Thank you, buddy.
Owen: I owe you. You know, you just helped me solve the big murder case.
Glenn: [ Chuckling ] I did.
Owen: So now we're even. [ Chuckles ]
Glenn: Okay.
Owen: I love you, buddy.
Glenn: I love you, too.
Lola: Has anyone ever told you that you look like an older Weird Al Yankovic?
Michael: Yeah.
Plan: A: a vacation house; Q: Where was Cat and Michael's wedding weekend? A: a murder mystery; Q: What is Owen entwined in during Cat and Michael's wedding weekend? A: Owen; Q: Who must solve the murder mystery? Summary: Cat and Michael's wedding weekend at a vacation house sees the doctors and their partners entwined in a murder mystery which Owen must solve.