Lola: Hey, Glenn, you want to try some peanut brittle?
Glenn: Uh, no way, Lola. Last time you tried this on me, I opened it and a bunch of snakes popped out.
Lola: I know. But this time, it's just peanut brittle. I promise.
Glenn: Hmm. It does look tasty.
Lola: Yeah.
Glenn: All right. Cool. I'm gonna try it later.
Lola: Okay. See you later.
Glenn: Thank you.
Blake: You were incredible in there, Owen.
Owen: Tell me something I don't know.
Blake: Okay, uh, all interstates that run north-south have odd numbers. Think about it. I-95, I-75.
Owen: I did not know that.
Blake: Yeah.
Owen: Now I know.
Glenn: [ Sniffs ]
[ Mid-tempo music plays ]
It's good.
Sal: Attention, staff. Ladies get 50% off today. We just came in for an appendectomy because it's so much cheaper tonight.
And can you give him six flu shots now?
Just trying to take advantage of the ladies night discount.
Blake: Can I get some of that? Thank you.
Glenn: Ladies night is the perfect night to meet women because it combines their two favorite things.
Blake: Cooking and cleaning?
Glenn: No.
Owen: Ryan gosling and rice pudding?
Glenn: No.
Blake: Tattoo and tattoo removal?
Glenn: No. Saving money and taking care of their kids. It is the perfect night to have s*x with vulnerable babes.
[ Laughs ]
Cat: Ladies night sucks.
All the guys turn into walking, talking guys with penises.
Lola: Yeah!
Owen: I cannot wait to dive into some of this single-mom tail.
Glenn: [ Laughs ]
Lola: If men can't respect us women as smart and powerful colleagues that we are, then they don't deserve to be around us.
Cat: That's right. I mean, girl doctors can be just like real doctors if we were only given a chance.
Lola: Let's get out of here.
Cat: Yeah.
Dori: Wait, doctors. You have patients waiting.
Cat: Not now, Dori! We're getting out of here!
Dori: Oh.
Glenn: So, tell me, did it hurt? Yes. My tummy hurts.
Glenn: I am not talking to you! So, did it hurt when you fell down from heaven? Because falls like that tend to hurt... Stacy.
Owen: Oh. It's a good thing I know how to do CPR on myself because you take my breath away... Stacy.
Blake: I'm a very giving person, both in my medical practice and my relationships. I'm looking for a special lady to share that with... "stomach cramps."
Stacy: What is going on here? Are you gonna look at my son or...?
[ Men chuckle ]
Glenn: You have a voice -- a voice like a hummingbird.
Blake: I'm a serial monogamist.
Glenn: I like that you care.
You know, so many people nowadays don't care anymore.
Owen: I bleach my teeth.
Stacy: His stomach started to hurt --
Blake: You're a natural storyteller.
Owen: I'll take a look at your son. I don't --
Owen: I have a speedboat.
Sy: Dr. Richie. A woman has specifically requested you by name.
Glenn: Sy, please. This child needs my help.
Sy: No, you don't understand. She said you were the handsomest, smartest doctor in the hospital!
Glenn: I got to go.
Blake: So, uh, is there a Mr. stomach cramps? Whoa!
Owen: Don't worry. You're in Dr. Maestro's hands now. Good, 'cause my stomach really hurts!
Owen: I am not talking to you!
Stacy: [ Chuckles ]
Glenn: The doctor is in, and I hear someone needs an injection of -- mom?! What are you doing here? What does it look like I'm doing here? I'm having a baby.
Glenn: You're pregnant? You think I'm this fat all the time? Oh, thank you very much, Mr. man.
Glenn: Why didn't you tell me you were pregnant?! I didn't want to worry you. The bottom line is I'm having this baby tonight, and God forbid I should want my doctor son to deliver his sibling.
Glenn: But it's ladies night. So your mother's not a lady now? I have an engorged v*g1n*, but that's not enough to convince my son that I'm a lady.
Glenn: Fine. You're a lady.
Lola: I'm proud to be a woman. Oh, let's get some fish tacos!
Cat: Well, yelp says the best ones are at this bar in the market district.
Lola: Isn't that a low-income neighborhood?
Cat: Honey, the best ones usually are.
Both: Girl power!
Dori: Me, too! Girl power!
Stacy: Well, I certainly didn't come here expecting this to happen.
Owen: [ Chuckles ]
Stacy: It's all so overwhelming.
[ Clears throat ]
Owen: That's for you.
Stacy: Is it your phone number?
Or let me guess -- is it your e-mail address? I'm on e-mail now. My nephew's got me all set up on e-mail.
Owen: No, it's a prescription for your kid.
Stacy: Oh.
Owen: Oh, I'm sorry.
Stacy: Yeah?
Owen: It also might cause diarrhea.
♪ I say tomato ♪ ♪ you say it's over ♪
Lola: [ Scoffs ] "Ladies night." Oh, brother.
Cat: Let's just find a seat. Make the best of it. ♪ I think we ought to ♪ I wouldn't sit there, ladies. This table's reserved.
Lola: For who?!
Chief: For me! Oh, hey, ladies! Paco! A round for my coworkers.
Lola: Chief, what are you doing here?
Chief: I think the question is what are you gals not doing here every night like I am here? I come here every night. Yep, this is my favorite place to gather with my fellow sistas and celebrate the female experience.
Cat: Are you saying that this place is entirely guy-free?
Chief: You bet your sweet ass it is. Hey, and now that I'm seeing that thing, you do have an exceptionally sweet ass.
Lola: It is so nice to finally get a female's perspective on such topics as Cat's ass. Ladies, I think we've come to the right place.
Sal: Attention, staff. Keep your laws and, more immediately, your hands off my body.
Glenn: I'm missing the fun! Glen!!
Glenn: Coming! Ohh! Where were you?
Glenn: I was gone for two seconds, mom. Geez. You never call. You never check my cervix.
Glenn: I just checked your cervix! You're six centimeters! Would it kill you to check again? It is so much for a mother to want her son to check her dilation with regular frequency? Oh, by the way. Since you gave me the epidural, I can't tell if I soiled the sheets or not.
Glenn: I can.
[SCENE_BREAK]
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
[ Cheering ]
Ohh! Yes! Shh, shh, shh, shh.
Lola: [ Sighs ]
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Pistore! Pistore.
[ Cheering ]
Ugh.
[ Indistinct shouting ]
Whoo!
Chief: Well, Cat, I got you a plate of rice and beans. Best I could do. I can't believe we're out of fish tacos.
Cat: Just my luck. I feel like I've been waiting forever to get my mouth on a fish taco, and I don't know if it will ever happen.
[ Breathes heavily ]
Blake: Hi.
I know you're hurting right now. I get it. I'd like to take you out for a cup of coffee. Let me give you my Internet name. I'm all set up on e-mail.
Blake: Whoa!
Stacy: Excuse me!
Sy: Yes?
Stacy: This is supposed to be a half-priced hospital for ladies. Instead, it feels like a pickup joint!
Sy: Oh, no, no. Of course this is a hospital! Please! Let's go to my office. You could put your feet up. I've got weed.
Stacy: Ladies night is a sham! Let's get the hell out of here!
Sy: Oh, no. She's right. Get away. Come on. Please don't go! How about 60% off? A free mammogram!
Owen: Ladies! Where you going? The night's just getting started! Sy's got weed!
Glenn: Aah! Now push, ma! I've been pushing out babies since before you were born -- right before.
Glenn: You never respect my professional opinion. Ow! I think I'm crowning! Get in there! Push it aside! I don't want a tear!
Glenn: I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna be sick. I'm gonna be sick. Can you see if the baby has any hair?
Glenn: Honestly, mom, I can't tell where your massive pubic thicket ends and the baby's head begins. Okay. Here it comes!
[ Screaming ]
Glenn: [ Screams ]
This is a nightmare come true!
[ Baby crying ]
Hey. It's a girl! Here comes the placenta!
Glenn: Huh?
Cat: Wait a second.
Chief: What?
Cat: I'm getting a weird feeling that you're a lesbian.
Chief: You're not? But you're wearing a belt.
Cat: I just thought this was about sisterhood.
Chief: [ Gags ]
Cat: I know. It's, like, kind of cheesy.
Chief: Oh, my God! I think the fish tacos were contaminated!
Cat: You all have food poisoning! I'm a physician. I know this. Let's get you all to a hospital.
Chief: My girls can't afford a hospital. These are low-income lesbians. Most hospitals charge twice as much as they can pay.
Lola: Well, I know just where we can go!
Chief: Of course!
Both: Starbucks!
Lola: Okay!
Cat: But then we'll go to Childrens, obviously.
Chief: [ Mumbles ]
Blake: Ladies!
Sy: Paying customers!
Owen: We are back in business!
Sy: Preparing! Let's go, gentlemen!
Glenn: [ Chuckles ] What are you gonna name her? Not up to me.
Glenn: You want me to name her? Not up to you, either. Is this her? Here she is! Helen, we can't thank you enough for doing this.
Glenn: You're a surrogate?! I had to do something for money. I'm still paying off your medical-school fees.
Glenn: Mom, I can pay off my own loans! I make six figures a year! Why couldn't you be a doctor like your brother?
Cat: Well, I'm glad you stopped vomiting.
Chief: Well, you better believe I won't be having fish tacos again... for at least three days.
Cat: I didn't mean to lead you on.
Chief: Of all the low-income lesbian fish-taco joints, huh? But you know, I have enjoyed getting to know you a little better outside of work.
Cat: Yeah, me too.
Chief: Thanks.
Chief: Cat, you're getting my purse totally wet. What are you gonna do about that?
Cat: I think when I leaned in to kiss you, I must have knocked this glass of water over.
Chief: It's really my fault.
Cat: I'm so sorry, um... Um... we -- I'm so sorry. Yeah, yeah. Yeah, there's some paper towels over there.
Chief: In the dispenser. Yeah. That's okay. I'll -- it'll -- I'm sure I can just kind of blot it with this blanket.
♪ She says I'm crazy ♪ ♪ I said, "oh, really?" ♪ ♪ I'm gonna jump on you on the bed ♪ ♪ make me a cradle ♪ ♪ hold me instead ♪ ♪ I'm not gonna say it ♪ ♪ okay, I'll say it ♪ ♪ flying over stars ♪ ♪ over to your room ♪ ♪ I'm caught in an ice storm ♪ ♪ caught in your eyes ♪ ♪ I'm losing my mind ♪ ♪ but winning you ♪ ♪ send me you on Saturday ♪ ♪ the best day ♪ ♪ I want to get to you tonight ♪
Sal: Attention, staff. Hey, hey, hey, hey, ladies! Get funky.
Plan: A: the male doctors' attention; Q: What does a promotion for single moms catch? Summary: A promotion for single moms catches the male doctors' attention.