2.09 - Run Away, Little Boy
OPEN AT LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai walks in the front door]
LORELAI: I'm back!
RORY: Kitchen!
LORELAI: Mmkay, I couldn't make up my mind so I got 'The Shining' and 'Bringing Up Baby.' Now, I know you're thinking, one's a movie about a homicidal parent and the other one's . . . .hello.
[Sookie and Rory are standing in front of the kitchen table.]
SOOKIE: Hi.
RORY: Hi Mom.
LORELAI: What'd you break?
SOOKIE: Nothing. Well, the broiler. But this came for you and Max.
[Sookie and Rory move apart to reveal a gift on the table.]
RORY: We're thinking it's a wedding present.
LORELAI: Huh. Mmm. Lorelai Gilmore and Max Medina. Well, I guess news doesn't always travel fast.
SOOKIE: You gonna open it?
LORELAI: No.
SOOKIE: But aren't you curious?
LORELAI: No. Just leave it there. I'll take it back tomorrow.
RORY: But there's not a return address.
LORELAI: Well isn't there a card?
RORY: Nope. Maybe there's one inside.
SOOKIE: With the return address on it.
RORY: But that means you'd have to open it to find out.
LORELAI: Fine, give me a knife.
SOOKIE: Ooh! This is so exciting! Maybe not.
[Lorelai cuts open the package and they tear the paper off]
RORY: An ice cream maker!
SOOKIE: A Musso Lussino 480!
LORELAI: Somebody sent me a fascist ice cream maker?
SOOKIE: Italian design, stainless steel body, chrome finish.
LORELAI: And no card. Perfect.
SOOKIE: Jackson just got in his apple crop! We can make cider ice cream!
LORELAI: Yes we can, using his ice cream maker, but Il Duce here is going back.
RORY: To where? Maybe it's an orphan.
SOOKIE: That's right. We'd be giving it a home.
LORELAI: Okay, once again, I bring up the fact that this is a wedding present, and as I am not getting married, neither God's law nor Emily Post allows me to keep this.
RORY: But isn't there a rule about late presents?
SOOKIE: Like if it arrives after a certain date, the giver forfeits all rights of return.
RORY: Exactly.
LORELAI: Nice try.
SOOKIE: It's true. I saw it on Martha Stewart. She was doing one of those double programs, and the first half was on massaging your dog, and she had this chow and she was rubbing it
LORELAI: Sookie.
SOOKIE: But the second half was about gifts, and she said that if it arrives after ten weeks
RORY: Eight.
SOOKIE: eight weeks, that you don't have to return it.
LORELAI: Okay, clearly this is shaping up to be one of those moments that St. Peter's gonna show on the big video screen when I die, and I for one do not wanna see the three of us staggering around with cider ice cream slathered all over our faces while my soul hangs in the balance, so until I can find out who sent this, no one goes near it. And we're watching 'The Shining.' [leaves kitchen]
SOOKIE: I bet Max would let us keep it.
OPENING CREDITS
CUT TO CHILTON CLASSROOM
TEACHER: Believe it or not, Shakespeare probably never intended his plays to be read by students sitting at decks more concerned with getting A's than with the fate of Macbeth. His plays were meant to be experienced, lived. So with that in mind, together with my third period Shakespeare, you'll be split up into five groups and each group will assume responsibility for one act of Romeo and Juliet, which will be performed a week from Sunday. You will nominate the director, you will cast the scene, rehearse the scene, and interpret the scene in your own individual manner. Last year, we did Richard the Third. One group did their scene as the Mafiosi. Another set theirs during the Roman Empire. And my favorite, the climactic last scene was set during the final days of the Sonny and Cher show. Just remember, whatever interpretation you choose should highlight the themes you see in the scene. And if the love of the Bard's language still doesn't inspire you, remember this will be fifty percent of your final grade.
MADELINE: Act five.
LOUISE: Act five.
PARIS: Act five?
RORY: Act five.
PARIS: Why don't they just sew our sides together and rename us Chang and Eng?
CUT TO HALLWAY
HENRY: Rory.
RORY: Henry, hi.
HENRY: Hey. Act three, sword fight. You?
RORY: Oh, Act five, death scene.
HENRY: Nice. So, uh, tonight, 8 o'clock?
RORY: I'll tell Lane.
[Paris walks up to them]
PARIS: Rory, sorry to interrupt. Hi Henry. But see, we're all standing over there trying to map out a game plan and a rehearsal schedule, and I'm sure whatever the two of you are talking about over here is so much more fascinating and important and, well gosh, let's just say it, fun. But I'd really like to get an 'A' on this assignment, and in order to do that I'm afraid you're gonna have to discuss your sock hops and your clambakes some other time, okay? Thanks. [walks away]
HENRY: That was scary.
RORY: It's gonna be a lot scarier when she gets an megaphone in her hands.
[cut down the hallway to Paris, Madeline and Louise. Rory walks over to them]
PARIS: So, I say we meet in the cafeteria. The acoustics are very similar to the Grand Hall, and. . . oh, well look who showed up.
RORY: Sorry.
PARIS: Save it.
LOUISE: Well, well, well. Look who's back from suspension.
RORY: Tristin got suspended again?
PARIS: Oh, like you hadn't noticed he'd been gone?
RORY: What did he do?
MADELINE: Took apart Mr. McCaffey's car and put it back together in the science building hallway.
RORY: You're kidding.
LOUISE: Yeah, well he didn't do it by himself. Duncan and Bowman were there too.
MADELINE: Plus the mechanics that they paid to do the actual work.
PARIS: Hey, anyone stupid enough to hand out with Butch Cassidy and the Sun-dunce kid deserves whatever they get.
RORY: How did he fall in with those guys?
MADELINE: The new year started and there they were, all three of them, side by side.
LOUISE: And practically dressing the same.
MADELINE: It's very On the Town.
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai is on the couch talking on the phone.]
LORELAI: Aunt Bobby, hi. It's Lorelai, Richard and Emily's girl. Um, I'm the one with. . . yeah, that's right. Wow, you don't hear the word wedlock much anymore.
RORY: I'm home!
LORELAI: Uh huh, uh huh, really? The Bible said all that, huh? Did it, did it mention me by name? I'm just. . .okay, I'm just kidding. So, um, judging by your Billy Graham impression, I am guessing that you didn't send me an ice cream maker, so maybe you could just give me Aunt Clarissa's phone number? Oh no, I hadn't heard. That's terrible. Uh huh. Well, then I guess she had it coming, didn't she? Hey, listen, I'd love to chat about who else is the family is currently or soon to be headed for hell, but I've gotta run, so I promise to call in the next twenty years, okay? Bye bye. [hangs up] How scary is it that my parents are turning our to be the normal ones in the family?
RORY: No luck?
LORELAI: Well, I still have the, uh, Pennsylvania Gilmores, but how was your day?
RORY: I have to perform Act Five of Romeo and Juliet with Paris, Madeline, and Louise.
LORELAI: Really?
RORY: Paris has appointed herself as director.
LORELAI: Nice. What part are you playing?
RORY: I don't know yet. She's still mulling over the screen tests right now. We're gonna find out tomorrow.
LORELAI: Screen tests?
RORY: 24 takes.
LORELAI: Ah, I so want a copy.
RORY: Forget it.
LORELAI: Sell it on the Internet, make a fortune. First we brought you Pamela and Tommy Lee, now prepare yourselves for the crazy antics of Rory and the Bard!
RORY: Oh, and I told Paris that you would make all of our costumes so she wants to have a concept meeting with you tomorrow at three.
LORELAI: What?
RORY: Yeah, she needs a resume and samples of your previous work and, uh, referrals.
LORELAI: And my bare butt to kiss.
RORY: If you think that will set you apart from the other applicants, yes. Hey, I didn't know that there was someone in our family named Bunny.
LORELAI: Oh, cross her off the list.
RORY: Poor Bunny. [phone rings] Hello?
HENRY: Hey.
RORY: Henry, hi.
HENRY: Am I late?
RORY: No, right on time. Hold on.
LORELAI: Hey hon, I'm heading for class. There's pizza-slash-Luke's money on the table for dinner.
RORY: Thank you.
[Rory puts Henry on hold and calls Lane; at Lane's house, Mrs. Kim answers the phone]
MRS. KIM: Kim's Antiques.
RORY: Hello Mrs. Kim, this is Rory. May I please speak with Lane?
MRS. KIM: Lane is studying.
LANE: Wait, Mama. Mama, is that for me?
MRS. KIM: Why?
LANE: Well, I was just expecting a call from Rory and I thought. . .
MRS. KIM: You do your math?
LANE: Yes.
MRS. KIM: History?
LANE: Yes.
MRS. KIM: Biology?
LANE: No.
MRS. KIM: Why?
LANE: Well, I'm not taking biology.
MRS. KIM: Why?
LANE: I took it last year.
MRS. KIM: And that's it? One year and you know all there is to know.
LANE: Well, I. . .
MRS. KIM: Tomorrow we look into private school.
LANE: Mama, please, the phone.
MRS. KIM: Five minutes. I'm counting.
LANE: Hello?
RORY: Lane. Hold on. Henry?
HENRY: Here.
RORY: Lane?
LANE: Here.
RORY: Okay guys, talk to you later. [hangs up]
LANE: So, Rory, how are you?
HENRY: I'm good, how are you doing?
[back at Lorelai's house]
LORELAI: Okay, I'm gone. Hey, um, do me a favor, make some of those calls for me.
RORY: Don't you think you may be going a little far with this?
LORELAI: What do you mean?
RORY: I mean, I understand that you wanna return the ice cream maker, but you did make an honest effort to get in touch with the person that sent this to you, and. . .
LORELAI: It's called closure, hon. I need it, okay?
RORY: Okay. Uncle Randolph. Oh, sorry guys. They'll be off in a sec.
LORELAI: Okay, don't wait too long. I think Randolph was Bunny's older brother.
RORY: Got it.
CUT TO BUSINESS CLASS
[Lorelai gets a burrito from the vending machine in the break room. A man walks over to her.]
PAUL: One again, ladies and gentlemen, she takes the last burrito.
LORELAI: And hello to you too.
PAUL: Week after week, how do you do it?
LORELAI: I told you, correct change. You go in for that dollar bill nonsense, you'll be standing there for ten minutes watching it. Ehhh. Eh eh eh.
PAUL: And here I thought you had a special relationship with this vending machine.
LORELAI: Only in the sense that it keeps me alive.
PAUL: I actually have theory on that.
LORELAI: Uh oh.
PAUL: You know, ever since we were children, we got our nourishment from our mothers.
LORELAI: Okay, are you trying to gross me out so I can't eat my burrito?
PAUL: And now, we're getting it from machines.
LORELAI: Your point being?
PAUL: I think it's a conspiracy getting us ready for the day we're all gonna be raised by machines. No human contact whatsoever.
LORELAI: You know my mother, don't you?
PAUL: The, uh, Twilight Zone marathon was on all week.
LORELAI: So all of this is a way of saying you wanna look at my notes on the reading.
PAUL: Such perception.
LORELAI: And in one so young and beautiful. Frightening, isn't it?
PAUL: You know, I feel bad about doing this every week.
LORELAI: Really? I would've thought you would've gotten used to it by now.
PAUL: Come on Lorelai. I gotta pay you back somehow. How about you let me take you out to dinner one night?
LORELAI: Dinner?
PAUL: Yeah, maybe even somewhere that doesn't require correct change, unless you're firmly into the whole coin thing, then I know a good automat.
LORELAI: Oh, I don't know.
PAUL: Well, I was kidding about the whole automat.
LORELAI: No, an automat's fine. Um, it's just, uh, my schedule's kinda crazy for the next couple weeks.
PAUL: Okay. Well, it's just a thought. But if you suddenly get an opening, give me a call. [hands her a business card]
LORELAI: Oh, great, sure, thanks. Enjoy the notes.
PAUL: Thank you. Enjoy the burrito.
CUT TO CHILTON CAFETERIA
[Rory walks over to the table where Madeline, Louise, and a boy are sitting.]
RORY: Hey.
MADELINE: Hey.
LOUISE: We're the Monkees.
RORY: Where's Paris?
MADELINE: She'll be here in a minute. She said she had to get some things.
RORY: [to boy] Hi, I'm Rory.
BRAD: I'm Brad. From the third period Shakespeare.
LOUISE: He's the answer to our lack of boys problem. Isn't that swell?
RORY: Well, maybe we should start.
MADELINE: Without Paris?
LOUISE: Ooh, that could be lethal.
RORY: We could at least decide on what motif we want to do.
[Paris walks in carrying a box]
PARIS: We're doing traditional Elizabethan.
RORY: Elizabethan? But I thought the point of this was to . . .
PARIS: The point is to get an A, not to make Romeo and Juliet into a Vegas lounge act. Besides, we have the death scene. It's classic, it's famous. Who are you?
BRAD: I'm, uh, Brad. From the third period Shakespeare, ma'am.
PARIS: Okay. Now I want everyone to read the chapters on acting I photocopied out of Houseman's Memoirs tonight. Everyone will be off book by Friday, and if you plan on missing rehearsal, you better bring a coroner's note.
[Paris places a sword on the table]
RORY: Tell me you didn't just have that lying around.
PARIS: We're short on boys. That makes you Romeo. Louise, you can play the Friar.
LOUISE: Excuse me?
[Tristin walks in and sits down at their table]
TRISTIN: Well, well, the gang's all here.
PARIS: This is a meeting.
TRISTIN: Yeah, sorry I'm late.
PARIS: What do you think you're doing?
TRISTIN: Uh, Professor Anderson forgot to include me when she made up the groups, so she told me to pick one.
PARIS: Fine, you have four other acts to choose from. Take your pick.
TRISTIN: Yeah, well Summer's in act 1, Beth and Jessica are in act 2, Kate's in act 3, and uh, Claire, Kathy, and Mary are in act 4. So this is the only one free of ex-girlfriends.
PARIS: So we're being punished for our good taste?
TRISTIN: Oh, Paris, you hurt me. Do you no longer have any need for me at all?
LOUISE: Yes, we have great need. You can be our Romeo.
RORY: Brad is Romeo!
LOUISE: Put in your other contact Grandma. Tristin is Romeo. Brad can be the second guard on the left.
PARIS: No.
MADELINE: She's kinda right, Paris. Tristin was born to be Romeo.
PARIS: Hey, I'm the director and I'll decide who's born to be what, and Brad is Romeo.
LOUISE: Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned.
PARIS: What'd you say?
LOUISE: Just perhaps that someone is letting her personal feeling interfere with her leadership.
PARIS: My only feeling is that I don't wanna give the most important part to someone who can't even manage to stay in school.
LOUISE: I'm just gonna say one thing: fifty percent of our final grade.
TRISTIN: Is there gonna be any scratching involved, or is this just a verbal thing?
PARIS: What do you think about this?
RORY: Well, how are you at speaking in front of a lot of people?
BRAD: I tend to throw up.
PARIS: Fine, but I swear, you flake on this and you'll pray you get suspended.
TRISTIN: I gotta run. Are we done here?
PARIS: Rehearsal, tomorrow night.
LOUISE: Good. So now Brad can be Friar Tuck and I can be Juliet.
PARIS: Wrong.
LOUISE: Hey.
PARIS: Juliet's supposed to be chaste.
LOUISE: Oh.
MADELINE: Then . . .
PARIS: And she has more than three lines.
MADELINE: Oh.
RORY: Oh no.
PARIS: Too late.
RORY: It can't be too late, we haven't done anything yet.
PARIS: You're Juliet. You're the best public speaker here, you've definitely got that waif thing down, and you'll look great dead. Next order of business. I did some location scouting this morning, and I think the courtyard outside. . . .
CUT TO INDEPENDENCE INN KITCHEN
[Sookie carries a plate of pancakes over to Michel]
SOOKIE: Okay, here we go. Low fat, whole wheat blueberry pancakes.
MICHEL: Are there twelve?
SOOKIE: Twelve what?
MICHEL: Blueberries. I can only have twelve blueberries for breakfast.
SOOKIE: Or what?
MICHEL: What do you mean, or what?
SOOKIE: What happens if you eat thirteen blueberries?
MICHEL: Well this is a silly conversation.
SOOKIE: Would you die?
MICHEL: Just hand me the plate.
SOOKIE: Only if you don't count.
MICHEL: I won't count.
SOOKIE: Swear. Raise your right hand and say, 'May Destiny's Child break up if I count these blueberries.'
MICHEL: Pick another group.
SOOKIE: Nope.
MICHEL: I hate you! Hate you!
[Michel walks out of the kitchen as Lorelai carries the ice cream maker in and puts it on the counter]
LORELAI: Wow, I gotta start getting in earlier.
SOOKIE: Hey, I remember you.
LORELAI: I am donating it to the inn.
SOOKIE: Well, honey, that's very thoughtful.
LORELAI: Yes it is.
SOOKIE: But we have an ice cream maker, a professional one. See, that means we can make enough ice cream for everyone in the inn, whereas this little guy
LORELAI: Fernando.
SOOKIE: Fernando, try as he might, can only make enough ice cream for, well, you, so . . .
LORELAI: So we don't need him here?
SOOKIE: No, we don't.
LORELAI: Well can't you find some use for him? I mean, he's new and shiny, and it's not his fault that he's part of the other life that I almost had but don't have now, and kinda don't wanna be reminded of.
SOOKIE: I guess I could put my change in him.
LORELAI: Thank you.
SOOKIE: Honey, can I say something?
LORELAI: Shoot.
SOOKIE: I'm a little concerned about you.
LORELAI: Why?
SOOKIE: You just seem very emotional about this ice cream maker.
LORELAI: I am not.
SOOKIE: You named the ice cream maker.
LORELAI: I name everything.
SOOKIE: You didn't name the toaster.
LORELAI: Poppy.
SOOKIE: You just made that up.
LORELAI: I did not. All right, but admit it, Poppy is a damn good name for a toaster.
SOOKIE: It's been quite awhile since you and Max have broken up
LORELAI: I'm fine Sookie.
SOOKIE: Okay, you're fine. But are you moving on?
LORELAI: Yes, I'm moving on.
SOOKIE: Well, then how many dates have you had post-Max?
LORELAI: What does that have to do with anything?
SOOKIE: I just feel like you're hibernating.
LORELAI: I'm not hibernating.
SOOKIE: Yes you are.
LORELAI: Hey, hey, woo. Look at this skirt, huh? I'm not hibernating.
SOOKIE: Then how many dates have you been on?
LORELAI: I was engaged Sookie, you don't just get over that.
SOOKIE: But you went through your mourning period.
LORELAI: Yes.
SOOKIE: And you said it was over.
LORELAI: It was. . .is.
SOOKIE: Well, are you at least putting the vibe out there so they'll know you're available?
LORELAI: Okay, look, if it'll make you feel any better, okay, I just got asked out the other night.
SOOKIE: What? You're kidding! Who is he?
LORELAI: Some guy from my business class.
SOOKIE: Oh, business class.
LORELAI: He's a pretty cool guy, actually. He's cute, funny, and, um, he's a little younger, but, uh, he's very sharp. You know, we have this little bit going about me stealing his burrito.
SOOKIE: Oh, stealing his burrito. You kids!
LORELAI: No, like a real burrito.
SOOKIE: Oh, stolen his burrito.
LORELAI: Okay, forget the burrito Sookie.
SOOKIE: Fine. When you guys going out?
LORELAI: Well, I didn't exactly say yes.
SOOKIE: Why not? You've already got the skirt.
LORELAI: Because, I don't know, what if it doesn't work out? And then class will be weird, and it'll definitely screw up our burrito bit.
SOOKIE: Aw honey, come on, every guy doesn't have to be the guy.
LORELAI: I don't know. Isn't it too soon for the transition guy?
SOOKIE: Don't think of him as the transition guy. Think of him as the pre-transition guy.
LORELAI: A pre-transition guy? You're allowed that?
SOOKIE: Absolutely.
LORELAI: Wow, I gotta read the rulebook more carefully.
SOOKIE: So?
LORELAI: So. . . I will call him later tonight.
SOOKIE: Great! That's so great!
[Michel comes in and tries to take the pancakes. Sookie grabs his arm.]
SOOKIE: It's all or nothing Sparky.
MICHEL: Damn you!
CUT TO LORELAI'S HOUSE
[Lorelai sits at the kitchen table sewing the costumes while Rory walks into the living room talking to Lane on the phone.]
RORY: She's letting you go? That's amazing. What changed her mind?
LANE: I let her watch the Romeo and Juliet movie with Leo and Claire Danes.
RORY: Really? I would've thought she'd hated it.
LANE: Oh, she did. But trust my mom to turn one of the world's great love stories into a cautionary tale of what happens when children disobey their parents.
RORY: So I'm guessing that you're not any closer to telling your parents about Henry.
LANE: I mean, what are the options if I tell them? They hate him, and it's over. They love him, and he therefore becomes odious to me and it's over. Things are working out fine the way they are.
RORY: You mean calling him Rory on the phone in case your mom's listening?
LANE: I've grown fond of my cage Rory.
MRS. KIM: Lane!
LANE: Bye.
RORY: Bye. [hangs up]
[Lorelai walks into the living room wearing the Juliet headpiece.]
LORELAI: What dost my lady think?
RORY: That you're going to be late for the joust?
LORELAI: I meant of thy lovely headdress crafted by thy mother's hand artful hand?
RORY: It pleaseth me mucheth, but uh, hath my beautius mother lookedeth at the time?
LORELAI: Oh crap!
[Lorelai runs upstairs as the phone rings; Rory answers]
RORY: Hello?
PARIS: Two other groups are rehearsing at school in the Grand Hall even though I specifically reserved it for us way in advance and confirmed the reservation twice, but whatever. They're going to be there and I don't want them spying on us.
RORY: I don't think the ending to Romeo and Juliet is exactly a secret.
PARIS: Hello, our interpretation?
RORY: Oh right.
PARIS: I went on the web and I found a site called MissPatty.net. It's in your town.
RORY: There's a MissPatty.net?
PARIS: Have you heard of it?
RORY: Well. . .
PARIS: Is it big enough? The site says it's 720 square feet.
RORY: You know, I'd rather just rehearse somewhere else.
PARIS: Look, I've got enough to worry about without you being embarrassed of where you live.
RORY: I'm not embarrassed. I just want to keep my school life separate from my home life, you know?
PARIS: Tough. Madeline and Louise are already on their way. See you in half an hour.
[Rory hangs up as Lorelai comes down the steps]
LORELAI: Have you seen my bag with the beads and the fur, kind of looks like Stalin's head? Aha.
RORY: We're rehearsing here now.
LORELAI: What?
RORY: Our Shakespeare group. Paris didn't want anyone spying on us so now we're rehearsing in Stars Hollow. This sucks.
LORELAI: Well, at least you don't have to drive to Hartford. What's with the face?
RORY: It's just, Tristin is in our group.
LORELAI: Oh yeah, you told me.
RORY: Right, so Tristin, he's in our group, so that means he's in well, and Dean lives here, so this sucks.
LORELAI: Okay, you know what Vanna? I'm gonna need a few more vowels here.
RORY: I have to tell him.
LORELAI: Tell who?
RORY: Dean?
LORELAI: Tell Dean what?
RORY: That Tristin and I. . .that we kissed at that stupid party.
LORELAI: Oh.
RORY: I have no choice.
LORELAI: Well
RORY: Because if Tristin sees Dean, he's gonna tell him. And then it's gonna be worse because it's gonna be like I was keeping it from him.
LORELAI: Okay, let's just calm down now.
RORY: Which I was. I was keeping it from him. I can't believe this, now I have to tell him.
LORELAI: You're right.
RORY: I am?
LORELAI: Mm hmm. I think you should tell him.
RORY: Of course, right, I have to.
LORELAI: Yeah. Then at the play, right as Tristin enters to find you dead and pulls out the vial of poison to kill himself, Dean can leap from the audience and rip his head off, adding a level of reality few productions have ever seen before. You'll get an A. The Actors Studio will go nuts. You'll have James Lipton asking you what your favorite swear word is. It's a great plan.
RORY: You - not helping.
LORELAI: To prevent a homicide? Yes I am.
RORY: I have to tell him. I don't have a choice.
LORELAI: Okay, fine. Try it out on me first.
RORY: What?
LORELAI: Pretend I'm Dean. If you're going to tell him this, you'd better have down what you're going to say.
RORY: Seriously?
LORELAI: Seriously.
RORY: Okay. Dean.
LORELAI: Rory. Sorry, serious now.
RORY: Okay, Dean, remember last year when we had broken up, and we weren't together anymore because we had broken up
LORELAI: That's good, mention it three times. Keep going.
RORY: And uh, there was this party, and I went, and, um, Tristin was there. And somehow, I'm not really sure how, we ended up in a room together, and we kissed.
LORELAI: You and Tristin?
RORY: Uh huh.
LORELAI: On the hand?
RORY: No.
LORELAI: Cheek?
RORY: No.
LORELAI: He kissed you or you kissed him?
RORY: Kind of both.
LORELAI: So you kissed him?
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: When?
RORY: I already told you three times, when we were broken up!
LORELAI: Okay, not a good idea to yell at him right now.
RORY: Sorry.
LORELAI: When during the breakup?
RORY: What do you mean?
LORELAI: I mean, how long after we broke up did you kiss Tristin?
RORY: Uhh, just the night after we broke up.
LORELAI: You mean the night after I told you I loved you?
RORY: Yes.
LORELAI: The next night, after I told you I loved you, you kissed Tristin?
RORY: I'm a terrible person!
LORELAI: Hold on.
RORY: He's absolutely right. He told me he loved me and the next night I go and I kiss Tristin.
LORELAI: Hey, that was me, not Dean.
RORY: I hate myself.
LORELAI: You didn't do anything wrong. You were hurt and confused and broken up. You did nothing wrong.
RORY: Tell that to Dean.
LORELAI: No, because we're not telling Dean anything.
RORY: Mom.
LORELAI: Listen to me. I know you are Miss Honesty. I have seen the banner in the closet. But this is the kind of honesty that will only make you feel less guilty, and it's going to hurt Dean very much. It's possibly going to screw up the really good thing you guys have going now. Do you want that?
RORY: No, I don't.
LORELAI: All right then. Relax. Be calm. Everything will be fine.
RORY: Okay.
LORELAI: I gotta go. Can I ask you one more question? Do you think my hair looks cool?
RORY: Bye.
LORELAI: 'Cause, you know, some days I wake up and I'm like, cool. Some days I'm like, could be cooler.
RORY: I won't wait up for you.
LORELAI: Like today I got up and I was like, left side cool, right side not so cool.
RORY: Bye.
LORELAI: Bye.
CUT TO MISS PATTY'S STUDIO
[Miss Patty instructs several older people who lay on mats on the floor]
MISS PATTY: Just listen to your breathing and let the world melt away. And in, and out. And in, and out.
[Paris walks in]
PARIS: Excuse me. We reserved this place for 8 sharp and right now my watch says 8:04.
MISS PATTY: Well, then tell it to go outside and have a smoke. You can't rush a cool down sweetheart.
PARIS: Look, I understand the whole Mystic Pizza, small town, 'we don't let a clock run our lives' thing, but I come from the big city where money talks and I'm paying good money for this place and I have a schedule to keep.
MISS PATTY: Be careful darling, or your face is gonna freeze like that.
[Rory, Louise, Madeline, and Brad walk in]
RORY: Hey.
LOUISE: What's with the cast from Cocoon?
PARIS: Where's Tristin? He said he was coming with you.
MADELINE: Oh, he's here. He just went over to the market.
RORY: What?
LOUISE: He needed cigarettes, just in case we didn't already know that he was bad.
RORY: Umm, I'll be right back.
PARIS: Where are you going?
RORY: I'll just be a sec. [leaves]
PARIS: Okay, now they're just sleeping.
CUT TO INSIDE DOOSE'S MARKET
[Dean is stocking shelves as Tristin walks over to him.]
TRISTIN: Excuse me stockboy, could you tell me where I can find the shortneing? Now that is a fine looking apron. I mean it, I mean, really sensational.
DEAN: What are you doing here?
TRISTIN: Well, to be honest, there's something I wanted to ask you. [picks up two bags of flour] In your professional opinion, which one of these would make my cakes fluffier?
DEAN: You drove all the way out here just to be a jerk. There aren't enough people who can't stand you in Hartford.
TRISTIN: Oh, no. I'm here for Rory.
DEAN: What?
TRISTIN: Yeah, the play. Romeo and Juliet.
DEAN: What about it?
TRISTIN: I'm Romeo, and she's Juliet. Hey, come on, she must've told you. She did tell you, didn't she?
DEAN: Look, I think you better leave.
[Tristin drops a bag of flour on the floor]
TRISTIN: Oops! God I am so sorry. I am such a klutz. Here, let me. This should cover it. [drops some money on the floor]
DEAN: You know what, I hope for Rory's sake that you got an understudy.
[Rory runs up to them]
RORY: Dean, hi!
DEAN: Rory, what is he doing here?
RORY: I need to talk to you.
DEAN: I got something to settle with this guy.
RORY: Outside, please.
[SCENE_BREAK]
CUT TO OUTSIDE
[Rory and Dean walk out of the market]
DEAN: All right, I'm outside.
RORY: I'm really sorry I didn't tell you about this before, but Tristin
DEAN: Is playing Romeo to your Juliet. Yeah, I heard.
RORY: But he wasn't even in our group at first, but then no one else wanted him, and then Paris moved the rehearsal spot to here, and she did it today and I didn't have time to tell you.
DEAN: You and Tristin wind up thrown together a lot at that school.
RORY: It's just a project, that's all, nothing more.
DEAN: You and Tristin playing Romeo and Juliet. Perfect. Really, really amazing.
RORY: I know you hate it.
DEAN: Yeah, I hate it. I really hate it.
RORY: But we do the scene on Sunday, and then it's over. And it's back to, Tristin? Who? I don't ... I don't know Tristin.
DEAN: You must mean that young boy who got mysteriously strangled by a Doose's market apron one night.
RORY: I heard about that. Awful. They say drugs were involved. Please don't be mad. I'm sorry. I'm really, really sorry.
DEAN: Sorry about what? You didn't. . .you didn't choose to do this with him, right?
RORY: No, I didn't.
DEAN: Then what do you have to be sorry for?
RORY: That. . .that I didn't tell you about the rehearsal. And that No Doubt is touring with U2. I know you're extremely disappointed in Bono.
DEAN: All right, so, so when's this thing over?
RORY: Sunday.
DEAN: Okay. I'm gonna walk around the block, just get him out of the market.
RORY: Right away.
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Rory is sitting at a table eating as Lorelai walks in and sits with her.]
LORELAI: Oh, thank goodness, you ordered. I am starving.
RORY: What are you doing here? I thought you went out to dinner.
LORELAI: Well, I did go out to dinner.
RORY: Then why are you eating mine?
LORELAI: Well, he took me to this darling little place called Minnie's. Very hip, very chic, very small portions.
RORY: So how'd it go?
LORELAI: Well
RORY: Aww.
LORELAI: You know, we talked about all the things we had in common and then the salad came.
RORY: Not a soulmate?
LORELAI: He's never seen Ab Fab.
RORY: Definitely not a soulmate.
LORELAI: Plus, he's outdoorsy. Remember that Meryl Streep movie where she and her family take a rafting trip and then psycho Kevin Bacon forces them to take 'em down the river?
RORY: Yeah.
LORELAI: Okay, that's his dream vacation, minus Kevin Bacon.
RORY: Wow.
LORELAI: Whereas mine is Kevin Bacon, minus the river, so...
RORY: Hey, moving on.
LORELAI: Yeah. But I must say, I'm really glad I went tonight.
RORY: Yeah?
LORELAI: Yeah. I mean, it was fun to kinda get dressed up and have a freshly laundered man open the door for me. And the best part about it was, it was no big deal. I mean, we laughed a little, we hugged goodnight, I'll never date him again, but I do believe the burrito bit will live on. It was a totally casual date. I am now officially a casual dater.
RORY: That's great. And we can celebrate by getting you your own plate of fries.
LORELAI: Huh.
RORY: Hey Luke, can we get another round?
LUKE: Coming right up.
LORELAI: So tell me about the big rehearsal.
RORY: We got off to a shaky start, and Louise acts like she's the priest in a Madonna video, but by the end, we were not half bad.
LORELAI: Good good.
RORY: Tristin ran into Dean.
LORELAI: Ugh, bad bad.
RORY: It's okay though because I pulled them apart without any bloodshed and I explained it all to Dean.
LORELAI: You explained it all to Dean?
RORY: I told him that Tristin wasn't supposed to be in our group and Paris moved the rehearsal to Miss Patty's at the last minute and that's why he didn't know about it.
LORELAI: Oh, that version of all.
RORY: But Dean's fine now.
LORELAI: He's fine?
RORY: He's fine.
LUKE: You want a burger too?
LORELAI: Hmm, no, I'll just have half of hers.
RORY: One burger please.
LUKE: You look all dressed up.
LORELAI: Do I? Because I feel very casual.
[Dean walks into the diner and sits down with them]
DEAN: Hey.
RORY: Hi, you just got off work?
DEAN: Yup.
LORELAI: Hey Dean. Do you want some fries?
DEAN: No, I'm actually going home for dinner. My mom made fried chicken tonight and she saved me some.
LORELAI: Oh, you have a cooking mom.
RORY: That's so nice.
LORELAI: Well, she may make chicken, but is she a casual dater?
RORY: I hope not. She's married.
DEAN: Do I wanna know what either one of you is talking about?
LUKE: Nope.
RORY: My mother casually dated tonight.
DEAN: Oh, well, congratulations.
LORELAI: Thank you. Thank you very much.
DEAN: So, I was wondering what time your rehearsal was tomorrow?
RORY: Five, why?
DEAN: Well, uh, it's my night off and I thought maybe I'd come by and watch.
RORY: Watch what?
DEAN: Watch you.
RORY: Watch me do what?
DEAN: Rehearse.
RORY: Oh. Um, Dean, I think you'd be really bored watching rehearsal.
LORELAI: Oh yeah, I've dozed off twice just listening to her talk about rehearsal.
DEAN: Well, I won't be bored.
RORY: We don't even know our lines yet. You should just come on Sunday.
LORELAI: That's a good idea. After all, Sunday is the day of rest and that's what you'll be doing - resting, 'cause it's boring.
RORY: Mom.
LORELAI: Well, honey, it's not your fault. You didn't write the damn thing.
DEAN: Well, I'll come on Sunday too.
RORY: Okay. But if you're gonna go on Sunday, you don't want to spoil it for yourself.
DEAN: What? It's not like I don't know how it ends.
RORY: Okay, Dean, look
DEAN: Rory, come on. I'll sit in the back, you'll die, and I'll walk you home. It's no big deal, right?
RORY: Right.
DEAN: Good, so I'll see you tomorrow.
RORY: Yup, you sure will.
DEAN: Bye Lorelai.
LORELAI: Bye Dean. [Dean leaves] Oh yeah, he's fine.
CUT TO CHILTON HALLWAY
[Rory walks up to Tristin and his friends]
RORY: Excuse me Tristin, can I talk to you for a second?
TRISTIN: [to his friends] I'll meet you guys later, okay? [they walk away] I'm all yours.
RORY: I need to talk to you about something serious.
TRISTIN: Serious, huh? I'm intrigued.
RORY: Dean's coming to rehearsal tonight.
TRISTIN: Wow, are you sure they can spare him? I mean, what if there's a run on baked beans?
RORY: Can you just shut up for five seconds, please? Thank you. Look, as I said, Dean is coming to rehearsal tonight, and I'd like to ask you to promise that you won't say anything to him about what happened.
TRISTIN: What happened?
RORY: At the party?
TRISTIN: At the party?
RORY: Tristin! You and me, at Madeline's party? You had just been kicked to the curb by Summer, and I found you sulking on a piano bench, and I sat down, we talked, and then we kissed.
TRISTIN: That was you?
RORY: You know what, forget it.
TRISTIN: Hey, Rory.
RORY: There is no point in talking to you. I knew that, yet I tried. Won't happen again.
TRISTIN: You don't want me to tell Dean that we kissed.
RORY: By George, I think he's got it.
TRISTIN: Okay, if that's what you want.
RORY: It is.
TRISTIN: Although, he's gonna find out anyway.
RORY: What?
TRISTIN: Well, come on, you know that when we kiss on stage, it's gonna be pretty obvious that it's not the first time. I'm a good actor, but I can't hide that kind of passion.
RORY: Look, things are really good for me and Dean right now, and I don't want anything to mess that up. Especially not something that meant nothing at all to me and I wished had never happened in the first place.
TRISTIN: So things are going good for you too, huh?
RORY: Yeah, they are.
TRISTIN: Good, that's good.
RORY: So what do you think? You just took those out.
TRISTIN: Well, I changed my mind.
RORY: Are you all right?
TRISTIN: Yeah, I think somehow I'll recover from the great romance between you and the Beave.
RORY: A lot of stuff's been going on with you lately, huh?
TRISTIN: Meaning?
RORY: Just, you know, the car thing, the suspension thing, a lot of drama.
TRISTIN: Well I get bored easily.
RORY: Just doesn't really seem like you.
TRISTIN: And you know me now?
RORY: I know you don't get suspended for stupid pranks.
TRISTIN: I pulled stuff like that before I knew Duncan and Bowman, all right?
RORY: Well, if you did, you didn't get caught. You're getting caught a lot.
TRISTIN: Your point being?
RORY: Maybe Duncan and Bowman aren't the best people to be hanging out with. They're not as smart as you Tristin, they don't have what you have going for you. They
TRISTIN: You know, I'm gonna have to bail before we get to the whole hugging part. And ask your boyfriend to remind me when it's coupon day, okay?
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Lorelai and Rory sit at the counter.]
LORELAI: Taking pity on your burger?
RORY: Not hungry.
LORELAI: Honey, you've got to eat. You're gonna kill yourself in a couple of hours, you really need your strength.
RORY: Ha ha.
LORELAI: Maybe Dean won't even come tonight.
RORY: Oh, he'll be there. There aren't enough monster truck rallies in the world to keep him away from Miss Patty's tonight.
[Paul and his parents walk into the diner]
LORELAI: All right, that's it. This afternoon we are going to engage in some intensive retail therapy to bring you out of this funk.
RORY: No thanks.
LORELAI: I mean it. Today is the day we finally spring for the Powerpuff girl shotglasses.
RORY: Hmm, I can't. I promised Lane I'd help her pick out an outfit for the play tomorrow.
PAUL: Lorelai?
LORELAI: Yeah?
PAUL: Hey, it is you. This is Lorelai, she's the girl I told you about.
LORELAI: Oh, Paul. I'm sorry. I didn't recognize you with the hat.
PAUL: Yeah.
LORELAI: What are you doing here?
PAUL: Well, um, getting some coffee.
LORELAI: In Stars Hollow?
PAUL: Well, you know, you talked so much about the town the other night and especially Luke's place, so my mom's crazy for coffee, I thought I'd bring 'em up here for breakfast.
RORY: [quietly] The other night?
LORELAI: [quietly] Uh, yes. Paul's my friend from the other night, the uh, casual Wednesday.
RORY: Oh.
LORELAI: Oh, Paul, I want you to meet my daughter Rory.
PAUL: Hi, nice to meet you. Hey, these are my parents, Dorie and Sid.
DORIE: Nice to meet you.
SID: Pleasure, really.
LORELAI: Oh yeah, me too.
LUKE: You ordering?
PAUL: Luke. Are you Luke? Is this Luke?
LORELAI: Yes, that's Luke.
PAUL: Oh man! Mom, Dad, that is Luke.
DORIE: We've heard so much about you.
SID: Darn shame about that Rachel.
LUKE: Who the hell are these people?
LORELAI; Uh, Paul is my friend from business school.
PAUL: Yeah, we went out the other night. And uh, you know, she talked about a few people in this town, and you being one of 'em, so nice to meet you.
LUKE: Yeah.
PAUL: Um, okay, three coffees to go then.
LORELAI: [to Rory] Something funny?
RORY: No.
LORELAI: You're just smiling for no reason?
RORY: I'm a happy person.
PAUL: Hey, I've gotta run. Mom wants to go antiquing, so it was nice meeting you, and uh, I'll see you in class Lorelai.
LORELAI: Bye. Bye now. Bye.
[Paul and his parents leave]
LORELAI: What?
RORY: Nothing.
LORELAI: Say it!
RORY: I've always wanted a little brother.
LORELAI: He looked older the other night!
RORY: How much older could he possibly look?
LORELAI: A lot! He's usually a little scruffy, and then the baseball cap hides the funky hair thing.
RORY: He should've been holding a yo-yo and a lollipop and wearing a beanie with a propeller on it.
LORELAI: He's in his twenties.
RORY: He must have been a very good boy to deserve such a happy day. I bet they let him ride a pony.
LORELAI: Aren't you supposed to go help Lane?
RORY: Thanks for cheering me up.
[Rory leaves as Luke walks over]
LORELAI: What? You wanna say something too?
LUKE: Nope.
LORELAI: Please don't hold back on my account.
LUKE: I wouldn't.
LORELAI: Good.
LUKE: [to kids at the counter] Would you guys mind moving down a couple stools? Make me more comfortable.
LORELAI: This is me leaving.
LUKE: Hey, how do I know what the cutoff is?
LORELAI: And no tip, I wonder why.
LUKE: I mean, at least if you had one of those height bars like at amusement park rides
LORELAI: Bye now.
CUT TO MISS PATTY'S STUDIO
[Tristin and Rory are rehearsing up front, as Paris, Madeline, Louise, Brad, and Dean watch them.]
TRISTIN: Here's to my love. Oh true apothecary, thy drugs are quick. Line?
PARIS: Thus with a kiss, I die. How hard is that to remember?
TRISTIN: Thus with a kiss, I die. Right. And then I kiss he, right?
PARIS: Yes. You say 'Thus with a kiss, I die.' Then you kiss her and die. Why are you smiling? You think this is a joke? The performance is tomorrow.
TRISTIN: Wait, tomorrow? Oh my God. I totally missed it the first 47 times you said it.
PARIS: I warned you. I am not going to fail this because of you. I will replace you with Brad in a second.
BRAD: Oh, dear God, no.
RORY: Can we just get through the scene?
MADELINE: Please.
PARIS: Fine. But yell line once more and you're out. Start memorizing.
TRISTIN: Oh true apothecary, thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss, I die.
PARIS: What?
TRISTIN: Well, it's just, with this being our last kiss and all, it makes me think about our first kiss. You know, at the party.
RORY: What?
PARIS: Lie down, you're dead.
LOUISE: We all are.
TRISTIN: You remember the kiss. In Act 1 at the Capulet's masked party?
PARIS: What about it?
TRISTIN: Well, I was just trying to think of something that would make this kiss as special as that one.
RORY: Tristin.
TRISTIN: I thought she could cry.
RORY: What?
PARIS: She's dead. You're dead, lie down.
TRISTIN: Yeah, but that's the beauty of it. No one would expect her to cry.
DEAN: I would.
TRISTIN: You know, funny you should say that
RORY: I need to take five.
PARIS: You know what? Let's all take five. That way you can all cancel whatever plans you had tonight because we are staying here until we get this right.
[Brad pulls out his cell phone]
LOUISE: Who could you possibly be calling?
[Rory walks over to Dean]
DEAN: He is unbelievable.
RORY: Dean, I really need you to leave.
DEAN: What?
RORY: The play is tomorrow, and it's fifty percent of my grade, and you standing there staring at Tristin, it's like a challenge or something.
DEAN: Well, I don't like the way he's messing with you.
RORY: I don't like it either but we have to get through this scene and we can't get through the scene with you standing there. So, Dean, please.
DEAN: Fine. Call me later. [leaves]
TRISTIN: Now I noticed you didn't cry when you kissed him. I'm starting to feel a little insecure.
RORY: What is wrong with you?
TRISTIN: Whoa, I think I liked you better comatose.
RORY: I thought you weren't going to say anything.
TRISTIN: Did I say that?
RORY: You make it impossible for anyone to be nice to you. No wonder you had to join our group. Anyone who's actually suffered through the experience of going out with you would absolutely know better.
TRISTIN: Gee, I really wish we could continue your analysis on how pathetic I am. Unfortunately, I have to meet some friends.
PARIS: Where are you going? Where is he going? We're not finished! Hey, I'm the director here! Tristin!
BRAD: Tristin, come back!
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Lorelai and Sookie sit at a table.]
SOOKIE: Ooh! I'm so excited! Shakespeare, Romeo and Juliet, it's so romantic. Oh Romeo, blah bah blah and the blah. That's all the Shakespeare I know.
LORELAI: Hey Luke, you should come with us to Chilton and watch Rory perform.
LUKE: Can't.
LORELAI: Come on. How often do you get to see teenagers speak iambic pentameter and kill themselves?
LUKE: No thanks. But you have a good time. Bring plenty of baseball cards to pass out your phone number on.
LORELAI: Ugh, enough already! The horse is dead. His ashes have been sprinkled over the land. Let it rest.
MISS PATTY: Lorelai, there you are you naughty, naughty girl.
LORELAI: Okay, he was not that much younger than I am. I met him a business school, not his Bar Mitzvah. Business school has to indicate some kind of maturity, right?
LUKE: Doogie Howser was a doctor at sixteen.
LORELAI: Doogie Howser was not real.
LUKE: How sad for you. [walks away]
LORELAI: Luke. This is incredible. I go on one stupid date, and suddenly I'm the female Jerry Lee Lewis.
SOOKIE: Oh forget it honey. The town likes to tease. Plus, he did look really young.
LORELAI: You didn't even see him.
SOOKIE: Kirk snapped pictures.
[Lorelai walks up to Luke behind the counter]
LORELAI: Hey, you. What is up with you?
LUKE: Nothing's up with me.
LORELAI: Well we were having a perfectly nasty verbal sparring match and you suddenly walk away.
BOOTSY: Lorelai, I hear you're dating a kid.
LORELAI: Please let something big fall on my head.
BOOTSY: When I was 18, I was dating an older lady. Broke my heart.
LORELAI: Well, Bootsy, I'm sorry you got dumped, but I'm not dating a kid.
BOOTSY: I didn't get dumped, she died. Heart attack. She was quite old.
LORELAI: Hey.
LUKE: I'm working. Us older guys do that.
LORELAI: Why are you being so mean to me?
LUKE: I'm not being mean.
LORELAI: Yes you are. You're being mean.
LUKE: Sookie, am I being mean?
SOOKIE: Well, I wouldn't pay you to put on a red nose and work a birthday party right now.
LUKE: Thank God for that.
LORELAI: Why are you so mad at me?
LUKE: I just think it's embarrassing.
LORELAI: What is so embarrassing?
LUKE: You running around with that kid.
LORELAI: I wasn't running, he's not a kid. We had dinner. You say Chuck E. Cheese, I'll break your nose.
LUKE: Hey, I'm not gonna say anything. You go live your life as you please. I got work to do.
CUT TO CHILTON GRAND HALL
[A group is performing Act 2 of Romeo and Juliet, interpreting it as cavemen. Lorelai, Sookie, Dean, and Lane stand in the audience and watch.]
BOY: Ooh, ooh. He jests at scars that never felt a wound. But, soft! What light through yonder window breaks? It is the east, and Juliet is the sun.
SOOKIE: Are you sure this is Shakespeare?
DEAN: What's with all the grunting?
LORELAI: I wish Luke was here, he could translate for us.
[Rory walks up to them]
RORY: Hey.
DEAN: Oh hey.
LORELAI: Hi.
SOOKIE: Oh honey, look at you! You look like a princess! Doesn't she look like a princess?
DEAN: Yeah, she looks beautiful.
RORY: Mom made the dress.
LORELAI: Not to mention the girl inside it.
RORY: Hello, gross.
LORELAI: I'm just saying.
RORY: I'm getting kind of nervous.
LANE: Oh, you're gonna be great.
RORY: I think act three is starting up.
LANE: Henry's act. Um, how do I look?
RORY: You might want to hold a phone up to your face so he'll recognize you.
LANE: Okay. [walks away]
[Paris walks up to them]
PARIS: I need you. [drags Rory away]
CUT TO HALLWAY
PARIS: He's not here.
RORY: Who's not here?
PARIS: Tristin. I've looked everywhere. I called his home, his cell, I called three girls I know he's seeing.
RORY: Paris, calm down.
PARIS: Weren't you listening? He's not here. We're on in twenty minutes and we don't have a Romeo. We are going to fail.
RORY: We're not going to fail.
PARIS: Do you think Harvard accepts people who fail Shakespeare? They don't. I don't have the numbers on it or anything, but I feel pretty secure in saying, you fail Shakespeare, you don't get into Harvard.
RORY: Okay, maybe he's just in one of the bathrooms smoking.
PARIS: Good idea. You check the east men's rooms, I'll check the west ones.
CUT TO GRAND HALL
[Lane watches Henry in Act 3, interpreted as businessmen with cell phones]
HENRY: I am hurt. A plague on both your houses! Oh, I am sped. What, is he gone and hath nothing?
CUT TO HALLWAY
PARIS: I knew he was going to do this, but no one wanted to listen to me. It was all, let's make Tristin Romeo, he's hot.
RORY: What about Brad?
PARIS: Brad transferred schools. [Tristin walks up to them] Where have you been? You have to get dressed, we're on in ten minutes.
TRISTIN: Can't.
PARIS: What?
TRISTIN: Actually, my dad had me pulled out of school. He [Paris walks away] and is she unhappy.
RORY: What do you mean he had you pulled out of school? What happened?
TRISTIN: Nothing. Just ticked the old man off, that's all.
RORY: By doing what? Tristin, come on, tell me.
TRISTIN: I got in some trouble.
RORY: Trouble involving?
TRISTIN: Involving Duncan and Bowman, and Bowman's dad's safe.
RORY: Oh no.
TRISTIN: I mean, Bowman had a key. It was supposed to be no big deal. And the crazy silent alarm kicked in.
RORY: You broke into Bowman's dad's safe?
TRISTIN: Yes.
RORY: Stupid.
TRISTIN: Yes.
RORY: Well, okay, you can apologize and you can put back the money and you can explain that, I don't know, you were going through something.
TRISTIN: I was, I was going through his safe.
RORY: Why would you do this?
TRISTIN: I don't know. I guess that's something I can ponder at military school.
RORY: Military school?
TRISTIN: The police are letting our parents handle it, and in my case that means military school in North Carolina.
RORY: I don't know what to say.
TRISTIN: Well, I imagine you're overwhelmed with the relief in knowing that soon I will be gone.
RORY: I'm so sorry.
TRISTIN: Well, I'm a big boy. I can handle it.
RORY: There's nothing you can
[Tristin's dad calls him from down the hall]
MR. Dugray: Tristin, come on.
TRISTIN: I gotta go. So, I might kiss you goodbye but, uh, your boyfriend's watching. Take care of yourself, Mary.
[Tristin leaves. Paris comes back dressed as Romeo]
PARIS: What are you standing there for? Let's go. You better start sucking on an Altoid.
CUT TO GRAND HALL
[The group performs Act 5 with Paris as Romeo]
PARIS: A dateless bargain to engrossing death! Come, bitter conduct, come, unsavory guide! Thou desperate pilot, now at once run on the dashing rocks thy seasick weary bark! Here's to my love! Oh true apothecary! Thy drugs are quick. Thus with a kiss I die.
CUT TO CLASSROOM
[Lorelai and Sookie walk into a classroom to retrieve their coats]
SOOKIE: Wasn't that great? I mean, just watching it made me feel smarter. Don't you feel smarter?
LORELAI: Well, just the opposite actually.
SOOKIE: We should do something else good for us. Go to a museum or play chess.
LORELAI: I promised Rory we'd go to Luke's afterwards.
SOOKIE: Oh, even better.
LORELAI: Although, I gotta tell ya, I am still pretty peeved by how he acted earlier. I swear, that guy runs so hot and cold on me.
SOOKIE: What?
LORELAI: Well, one minute he's all sweet and building me a chuppah, and the next he's being a total jerk for God knows what reason.
SOOKIE: For God knows what reason? Come on Lorelai.
LORELAI: What?
SOOKIE: Don't you understand that Luke is so into you?
LORELAI: Okay, stop.
SOOKIE: He has had to watch you go from one guy to another, and then the engagement, and then the engagement was off, and patiently he's waited. And now in walks this kid and he says, 'My God, will she date anyone else in the world before she'll date me?'
LORELAI: Sookie, that
SOOKIE: Hey, maybe it's crazy, maybe it's irrational, but it's there. Just look the guy in the eye, it's right there.
CUT TO LUKE'S DINER
[Lorelai, Rory, Sookie, and Dean walk in]
DEAN: So, did you and Paris actually kiss or was that like a stage thing?
RORY: A lady never kisses and tells.
LORELAI: Hey, you guys get a table. I'll be right there.
[they sit down while Lorelai walks over to Luke at the counter]
LORELAI: Hey.
LUKE: How'd it go?
LORELAI: Oh, you know, I think Shakespeare will recover.
LUKE: That's good.
LORELAI: Hey, are you good at dating?
LUKE: What?
LORELAI: Dating, do you have that down?
LUKE: Okay, if this is about that kid, then
LORELAI: No, it's not about anything, it's just a question.
LUKE: Well, I don't know if I have it down. Considering I live with my nephew, I'd say probably not.
LORELAI: I don't have it down either. I've never been very good at it really. I've never even really liked it. Too much 'what if'. I like things I can count on. I mean, uh, actually, with Max, it was the first time I was finally like 'Hey, here it is, that one person who will always be there for me.' And then, I turned around, and it's suddenly 'Oops, wrong, keep moving.'
LUKE: Why are you telling me this?
LORELAI: I don't have very many people in my life who are in my life permanently forever. They will always be there for me. I will always be there for them, you know? There's Rory, and Sookie, and this town and ... you. I mean, at least I think I've got...
LUKE: You do.
LORELAI: Good. Just checking
LUKE: Tell me about Romeo and Juliet.
LORELAI: Well, it's so depressing because everybody dies, but the clothes were so cute.
LUKE: Life can be funny that way.
LORELAI: And Rory [scene fades out]
Plan: A: Lorelai; Q: Who receives a late wedding present? A: a card; Q: What was missing from the wedding present? A: Sookie; Q: Who tells Lorelai to move forward in life? A: life; Q: What does Sookie tell Lorelai to move forward in? A: her advice; Q: What does Sookie give to Lorelai? A: a dinner date; Q: What does Lorelai accept from Paul? A: friends; Q: What do Paul and Lorelai decide to be? A: Luke's the following Saturday; Q: When does Paul show up at Luke's? A: Luke; Q: Who has had a crush on Lorelai forever? A: his parents; Q: Who does Paul bring to Luke's? A: town; Q: What does Lorelai get ribbed by everyone in? A: a very important part; Q: What does Lorelai tell Luke he will always be in her life? A: the death scene; Q: What scene are Rory, Paris, Madeline and Louise assigned to present? A: the Chilton Shakespearean Festival; Q: What is the name of the festival? A: half; Q: What fraction of the grade will the Romeo and Juliet performance account for? A: their suspension; Q: What did Tristan, Duncan, and Bowman return from? A: Rory's wishes; Q: Who is assigned the role of Juliet? A: Miss Patty's studio; Q: Where does Paris rent for the rehearsal? A: Stars Hollow; Q: Where does the group go to practice? A: Dean; Q: Who does Tristan taunt at the market? A: The next day; Q: When does Dean show up to watch rehearsal? A: her words; Q: What stung Tristan? A: his father; Q: Who pulled Tristan out of Chilton? A: boarding school; Q: Where is Tristan being sent? A: his costume; Q: What does Tristan put on to save the day? Summary: Lorelai receives a late wedding present without a card attached, and insists that it be returned. Sookie sees to what great lengths Lorelai is going to find out who sent it, and tells Lorelai to move forward in life to get some closure on her relationship with Max. Lorelai takes her advice and accepts a dinner date with Paul, one of the other students in her business class. The date goes well, but they decide to remain friends because they don't have very much in common. When Paul appears at Luke's the following Saturday with his parents in tow, Lorelai gets ribbed by everyone in town because he's so young. Luke is uncharacteristically quiet, which Lorelai can't figure out until Sookie explains that he's had a crush on Lorelai forever. Lorelai goes to him to let him know that he'll always be a very important part of her life, and Luke brightens up again. Rory, Paris, Madeline and Louise are assigned to present the death scene from "Romeo and Juliet" as part of ther class participation in the Chilton Shakespearean Festival. Since this production will account for half of their grade, Paris takes over as director and assigns Rory the role of Juliet. Tristan returns to school with Duncan and Bowman after their suspension, and is cast as Romeo against Rory's wishes. When a scheduling mixup occurs with the rehearsal hall, Rory is horrified to learn that Paris has rented Miss Patty's studio and that the group will convene in Stars Hollow to practice. Tristan wastes no time in going to the market and taunting Dean, and they nearly come to blows before Rory pulls them apart. The next day at school, Rory pleads with Tristan not to mention anything to Dean about their kiss at the party, because it meant nothing to her. She also cautions him about hanging out with Duncan and Bowman. Stung by her words, but hiding it well, Tristan storms off. The next day Dean shows up to watch rehearsal and Tristan taunts both Dean and Rory before he finally bails to go off with Duncan and Bowman. On the evening of the performance, Paris freaks out because Tristan is nowhere to be found. He finally shows up to tell Rory that his father has pulled him out of Chilton to send him to boarding school, because he was caught with Duncan and Bowman breaking into Bowman's father's safe on a lark. Paris storms off, puts on his costume, and takes over as Romeo, thereby saving the day, the performance, and their grades.