[Scene: A Fancy Dinner Party. Pacey and Joey are attending a company dinner. Pacey is talking to the good-looking girl next to him, while Joey is sitting next to Pacey very bored. She begins to try to get her shoes that she had taken off earlier and are under the table by trying to reach them with her feet and pulling them to her. She eventually gives up trying to reach one of them, and crawls under the table to grab it. When she reaches it, she turns to crawl out and sees that the lady has her hand on Pacey's inner thigh, and is surprised and hits her table on the bottom of the table.]
Joey: Ohh.
[Pacey sees Joey climbing out of under the table.]
Pacey: Would you excuse me for one second?
Woman: Of course.
Pacey: Darlin', I don't mean to pry, but... would you mind telling me just what the hell it is you're doing down there?
Joey: It depends. Would you mind telling me what that girl's hand is doing knee-deep on your lap?
Pacey: Excuse me?
Joey: You heard me. Or perhaps you'd like me to involve the entire table, 'cause I'm sure her date would at least be marginally interested.
Pacey: Ok, great. You've made your point. Which is what, exactly?
Joey: Pacey... I want to go home. Now. I'm tired, I'm cranky, and I know you didn't read the fine print in our little rent-a-day contract, but it expires in exactly 35 minutes, so maybe you could just skip the subtleties and get her phone number?
Pacey: Ok, sis down. It'll be fine.
Joey: She thinks I'm your sister?!
Pacey: Oh, will you look at that?
Joey: Oh!
Pacey: Did I not mention to you what a wonderful networking opportunity this was for me?
Joey: Yes. That's how you suckered me into coming in the first place, but you know what? We've networked, we've schmoozed, and unless you take me home now, as in right now, I think little miss thing over there isn't going to be so interested when she sees your sister lean over the table and give you the tongue kissing of your life.
Pacey: 5 minutes. We'll leave in 5 minutes.
Joey: Thank you.
Pacey: Great.
[He turns back to the lady he was talking to. And Joey tries again to retrieve her shoe.]
Pacey: Well, everything seems to be fine down there. [Chuckles] Sisters. You know?
Woman: Yeah, and the guy I'm with is really my brother.
Pacey: [Chucks] He is?
Woman: No.
Pacey: [Chuckles] Oh. Right.
Woman: Well, look, I don't want beat around the bush. You seem like a nice guy.
Pacey: So then you wouldn't mind if I called you?
Woman: Sure. You could call me, I could call you, or I could ditch my date, and you could ditch your...sister.
Pacey: [Chuckles]
Woman: And we could meet back here in an hour and go to my place. Look, if you don't want to do this, I mean, if you're really with that girl...
Pacey: that girl?
Woman: The one that's under the table
Pacey: Oh, that girl. That girl. Oh...no. No, no, no. I am most definitely not with that girl.
Woman: So...it's a date?
Pacey: Yes. I'll see you back here in an hour.
Woman: [Giggles]
[She leaves and Joey comes crawling out of under the table again.]
Joey: Finally. I got my shoe. It was all the way across the table.
Pacey: Was it really? Great. Then problem solved, whatever the problem was. We should probably be going. Ok?
Joey: Wait, Pacey. Let me get my shoe.
Pacey: Come on, Cinderella.
Joey: [Sighs] You have a hot date or something?
Pacey: No, but a beautiful woman did just offer to have s*x with me, no strings attached.
Joey: You're so cute when you're delusional.
[Opening Credits]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: Inside Pacey's Car. Joey and Pacey have left the party and are driving home. Joey is shifting rather weirdly in her seat.]
Joey: Pace...I just have one question.
Pacey: Shoot.
Joey: What the hell is happening to my butt right now?
Pacey: That'll be the seat warmer, which comes standard on all your finer German automobiles.
Joey: Huh. My lower half thanks you for moving so far up the socio-economic ladder.
[They drive past an exit on the highway]
Joey: Pacey, wasn't that turn we just sped past the way out of these godforsaken suburbs?
Pacey: Yes, it was, but you and I are gonna be makin' a little pit stop.
Joey: Pit stop? Oh, no. Perhaps I didn't impress upon you the importance of me being home, in bed, and out of these ridiculous clothes as soon as possible. I have an entire book to read before Hetson's class.
Pacey: Ok, simmer down. This is gonna delay you, like, 2 minutes.
Joey: What do you need, anyway?
Pacey: Need?
Joey: Yeah. The reason for the pit stop? The thing you can't live without until tomorrow morning?
Pacey: Uh, laundry detergent.
Joey: Laundry detergent?
Pacey: Yes. Laundry detergent.
Joey: Pacey, in the entire time I've known you, I don't think you've ever once done laundry.
[Scene: They pull into the parking lot of a K-Mart. They get out of the car, and Pacey begins to walk towards the K-Mart, while Joey is quickly catching up to him.]
Pacey: Uh, you don't have to come with me. You can wait in the car.
Joey: You're seriously expecting me to wait out here while you're traipsing around the world's largest superstore?
Pacey: Right.
Joey: Wrong! It's cold, it's scary, and if you must know, I have to use the bathroom.
Pacey: How could you possibly have to go to the bathroom 2 minutes ago, you didn't even want to stop.
Joey: Do you want to argue about this, or shall we continue the 10-mile trek to the front of the store?
[They eventually make their way up to the front door]
Joey: Why did we have to park so far away, anyway?
Pacey: I just spent 2 1/2 months' salary gettin' Dawson's house scraped off her front end. You think I want to leave her in the hands of those fine, upstanding citizens?
[He points to the two guys collecting carts and running through the parking lot with them. He stops at the automatic door, but it doesn't open.]
Pacey: Nooo.
Joey: Great. It's closed.
Pacey: It can't be closed. There's still people inside.
[One of the doors next to it opens, and a security guard it letting some customers out.]
Guard: Good night, now, folks. Drive safe.
[The guard watches the customers leave and then notices the guys with the carts over by his car]
Guard: Hey! What the hell are you lamebrains doin' out there?! The Monte Carlo! Watch the Monte Carlo!
[He runs out and Pacey fakes a yawn and then catches the door before it can close.]
Pacey: [Yawns]
[The quickly make their way inside]
Joey: Oh. I'm gonna go
Pacey: I know where you're goin'.
[Scene: Inside K-Mart. They make their way into the store, and Joey notices a sign to the bathrooms, while Pacey begins to head off in another direction. Pacey goes over to the Condom section of the store, and begins looking at the selection when an employee comes up to him.]
Pacey: [Sighs]
Employee: Um...we're gonna be closing soon?
Pacey: Ok.
[Pacey grabs a three pack of Trojans.]
Pacey: [Chuckles uncomfortably]
Employee: Very nice.
[Scene: The front of the store, by the registers. Pacey comes walking up to the registers to pay for the condoms, when Joey comes running up to him. He quickly puts the condoms into his pocket before Joey can see them.]
Joey: There you are. Come on. Let's
Pacey: Uh--I--could you just hold on for one second?
Joey: No. I need you.
Pacey: Need me...for what? You can't go to the toilet by yourself?
Joey: Yes. That's exactly it.
Pacey: What? Ok. C-can you just wait
Joey: No. I can't. And why weren't you at the laundry?
Pacey: Ok. Let's go.
Joey: Thank you.
Pacey: You're welcome. You just have to ask the right way. You know?
Joey: You're so bossy.
[Scene: Outside the bathroom. Pacey is sitting outside the men's bathroom, cause the women's bathroom is taped off and Joey in using the men's bathroom. Joey comes out of the bathroom, and Pacey pushes himself off the wall he is leaning on.]
Pacey: Is your nose of adventure really so lacking you could not have used this washroom unattended?
Joey: Pacey, the outer door doesn't lock. Somebody could've walked in at any point.
Pacey: So?
Joey: So... stall-to-stall chatting with strange men in public washrooms isn't really a life experience I need to have, thank you.
Pacey: Who is going to walk in? There's nobody here. And the whole store's gonna close in 5 minutes anyhow.
[The lights begins turning off.]
[Scene: The front of the store. Joey and Pacey come running up to the front doors that are locked. They can see the guard and other employees getting into their cars outside.]
Joey: Oh, my god. They're still here. Yell. Yell. Yell.
Pacey: Hey!
Joey: Hey! Mister! Mister!
Pacey: Hey! Hey!
Joey: Hello! Help!
[The guard gets in his car without seeing them]
Joey: This isn't happening. Tell me this isn't happening.
Pacey: It's ok. He's gonna see the car.
Joey: Pacey, we're parked in, like, another zip code.
Pacey: All right, if we want to start pointing fingers, we should probably point them at the bladder that got us into this situation.
Joey: He's leaving.
Pacey: I can see that, thanks.
Joey: Look. He's getting in his car, and he's leaving us here trapped.
[The guard pulls away from the store]
Joey: [Sighs] Ok. Let's not panic.
Pacey: Who's panicking?
Joey: I'm panicking, Pacey. This isn't exactly where I want to be right now. I have an en
Pacey: "I've got a book to read." I know. When don't you have an entire book to read? And just so you know, this is not exactly my ideal situation, either.
Joey: Well, look, let's not snipe at each other anymore.
[Pacey tries to bash the door open, without success.]
Joey: Ok. You know what? We need to think logically.
Pacey: Right.
Joey: Well... this one's locked.
[They go back into the store.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The registers. Joey is at one of the registers, and hangs up the phone that is there. Pacey comes walking up to join her from the back of the store.]
Pacey: Hey. Hey, any luck?
Joey: They're not real phones.
Pacey: What do you mean, they're not real phones?
Joey: [Echoing over P.A.] Clean up on aisle 4. Clean up on aisle 4. [Sighs] They're just intercoms. We can call house wares, but we can't communicate with the outside world. Please tell me you found some kind of a back door or something.
Pacey: No. Not one that we can open, but I was thinkin', there's always your ever-present cell phone.
Joey: In my purse.
Pacey: Great.
Joey: In the car.
Pacey: Hmm.
Both: Pay phones!
Joey: I think they're
Pacey: Yeah.
[Scene: The Employee break room. Joey is on the pay phone trying to talk to the police station. Pacey is sitting on a table near to the phone waiting.]
Joey: No, officer. Not...stuck, like, in the snow, stuck, as in locked in. [Sighs] No. Nobody's life is in danger. But please don't put me back on hold--
Pacey: [Sighs] Ok, fine. That's it. Just hang up. We'll call 911.
Joey: We can't call 911.
Pacey: Why not? We're stuck, aren't we?
Joey: Pacey, we're stuck in a giant barn like structure with massive quantities of food, clothing, and all the latest in home video equipment. How does that qualify as an emergency? I mean, are we in some sort of a danger I'm unaware of?
Pacey: Yes. We're in danger of getting you home late, and we can't have that, now, can we?
Joey: Since when do you care?
Pacey: About what?
Joey: Getting me home on time?
Pacey: Since...forever. I don't want you to be lax in your studies. There's important homework to be done, books to be read. What book is it you're reading?
Joey: Fear and loathing in Las Vegas.
Pacey: Fear and loathing? You're paying $35,000 a year to be told to read fear and loathing in Las Vegas? You could do that on your own time. I could do that on my own time.
Joey: Shut up. Something's happening. It's ringing.
Pacey: Ok. Good. I'll have you home in no time.
Joey: Well, we'll rot here. It transferred me to some sort of automated response system. "Press one to file a complain about noise. Press 2 for traffic violations." Here. You listen.
[She hands Pacey the phone and begins to realize she is cold]
Joey: Can I have your coat? I'm freezing. It's freezing in here.
Pacey: My coat? What's wrong with your coat?
Joey: Mine just looks nice. It wasn't intended to keep anyone warm, especially not someone wearing only a thin layer of silk.
Pacey: Ok, fine. Hold this for a second.
[He puts his coat onto her while she continues listening to the phone and then takes the phone back]
Pacey: Better?
Joey: Thank you. I think you should press zero, see if we can get a real person back on the line. You don't have any gloves, do you?
Pacey: No, I didn't br--hello! Yes. Look, we're stuck in a gigantic Kmart. Yes, as a matter of fact, you did talk to us earlier. Uh, hello? No, please don't put me back on...hold. God!
[She reaches into his pocket looking for gloves and finds the condoms. She taps him on the shoulder while he is waiting on hold again.]
Pacey: What?
Joey: Are these yours?
Pacey: Those?
Joey: Yeah. These...prophylactics I found in your pocket.
Pacey: [Coughs] Oh. Those. Uh, yeah. Actually, they are. But, look, we should probably concentrate on the matter at hand here.
Joey: This is why we stopped? Pacey, we're stuck in here because you had some pressing need for birth control?
Pacey: Yes. Ok? Because that's the kind of responsible guy I am. But seeing as it doesn't look like we're gonna get outta here anytime too soon, it's kind of a moot point, so if [He hears something on the phone] Uh, hello? Hello. Hello. Yes. Hello. Ok. No. No, that's fine. If you could just please make sure that they do actually call us back. The number is 617-555-0189. Thanks for
[He hangs up the phone when he realizes the other person hung up]
Pacey: Ok. Well, at least now we're makin' progress.
[Joey is just staring at him]
Pacey: What? What's the look for?
Joey: It's that girl from the party, right? You were on a date with me, and you picked up some other girl with questionable fashion sense, and then you were gonna go back to her place
Pacey: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Slow down. You and I were not on a date. Which is only the first of many things wrong with that sentence.
Joey: Pacey, my entire night is ruined.
Pacey: Well, my night's not exactly going to plan, either.
Joey: Ruined! For the sake of some booty call?
Pacey: Ok, let's...just... take a little time out, because you and I... we're not actually having this conversation.
Joey: Oh, why? 'Cause you don't want to talk about s*x with me?
Pacey: Ha! Do you want to talk about s*x with me?
Joey: Well, no, but... I usually don't want to talk about s*x with anybody.
Pacey: Thank you for proving my point. Now, if we could move on, I think our night will be much, much more pleasant.
Joey: After you tell me why you don't want to talk about s*x with me.
Pacey: All right, one would think this would be obvious, but fine. Perhaps it has something to do with how calm and cool and non-judgmental you are about the whole thing.
Joey: Oh, you know what? I don't approve. Ok? There. I said it. And I refuse to sit here and pretend like this is all just fine, 'cause it's ridiculous.
Pacey: Do you hear yourself? You can't help it! This is why we don't talk about s*x. It's actually the secret to our entire friendship.
Joey: You've lost me in your sea of pronouns.
Pacey: Well, ok. We are friends. Right?
Joey: Yes.
Pacey: So what is the secret to our long-lasting and angst-free friendship? What is the one thing that keeps it going year after year after year after year?
Joey: We suck at meeting new people.
Pacey: Wrong. We do not, under any circumstance, talk about s*x. I may be having it, you may be thinking about having it, but we don't discuss it. That way we avoid the awkwardness, and in avoiding the awkwardness, we are able to maintain our friendship. You see, it's a preventative measure. I solved the problem before it even starts.
Joey: But, Pacey...if we're such good friends, why is there any awkwardness in the first place?
Pacey: Because not too long ago, we were more than just good friends, now, weren't we?
Joey: Yeah, but we're not anymore.
Pacey: But that doesn't matter. The damage is already done.
Joey: What, so as far as you're concerned, I slept with you, and then I took myself in and got revirginized?
Pacey: In my mind? Yes.
Joey: Oh, so I never slept with Eddie or Dawson
Pacey: Oh, I told you, I don't want to hear about this.
Joey: Ok, so basically what you're saying is that the only way you and I can continue being friends is if we lie to each other about our s*x lives... if we take that whole giant aspect of our lives and just... pretend like it doesn't exist?
Pacey: Worked for you and Dawson.
Joey: What?! What did you say?
Pacey: I said it
Joey: I heard what you said. I just can't quite believe my ears.
Pacey: Well, is there anything essentially untrue about that statement?
Joey: N-- [Chuckles] No.
Pacey: No. Then what's the problem?
Joey: Pacey, did it ever occur to you that maybe I don't want to live my life this way... that maybe I have grown up?
Pacey: Have you.
Joey: What is that supposed to mean?
Pacey: It means, simply put, that you don't care who I sleep with. I could've had s*x with that woman on the table right next to you, and you wouldn't have even batted an eyelash.
Joey: Pacey...you slept with my roommate for an entire year. I think it's a little late for me to start to get... skittish on the topic of you and other women.
Pacey: Don't make me spell this out. Do you really not understand what I'm talking about?
Joey: No. I don't. I really don't. I mean, do you? Because I'm a bit confused here. I mean... are you upset because...I'm upset? Are you upset that...I'm not upset? Are you upset that I'm not upset enough? I mePacey, we broke up... moved on. Was I supposed to spend the rest of my life feeling miserable about the way things ended between us?
Pacey: Ok. Well, you know what? Now that you brought it up, yes. A couple of months here, there, really wouldn't have hurt. I mean, I'm not asking for the lifetime you've devoted to feeling bad about Dawson, but just a couple of weeks.
Joey: Unbelievable! Pacey! I can never win, can I? I guess I can't. It's kind of like taking my head and beating it up against a rock. I mean, who had more s*x? Who was with who longer? Isn't there some sort of boy calculus you can use to figure out who won and just leave me out of it?
Pacey: Right, 'cause god forbid I might just be talking about you and me right now.
Joey: There is no "you and me," Pacey. We've moved on, and I'm sorry I didn't dash myself into a thousand pieces when you broke up with me but you know what? Life goes on, no matter how ungratifying that may be for your male ego.
Pacey: This is not about my ego.
Joey: No? Really. Then what is it about? I mean, why would you want to go back there? Why would you want to go back down that long road that only ends with you and I arg
Pacey: I know where this road ends.
Joey: Then what good can come of it? Tell me. I mean, why do you, all of a sudden, want to revisit... something that is better left...
[Ring]
Joey: Well, are you gonna answer that, or are we gonna finish this?
Pacey: We could live for a thousand years, and we would never finish this.
[HE answers the phone]
Pacey: Hello? Well, yes. Obviously, we're still here. No, no. We don't have anyplace to go, now, do we?
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The Break Room. Pacey is still on the phone with the Police]
Pacey: Well, yes, officer, I realize that we're probably fairly low on your priority list, but-- well, no, I wasn't aware of the freezing rain. I'm sure that does cause quite a few accidents. Ok. Well, we'll continue to sit tight here. If you could just send someone out as soon as possible, that'd be great. Thank you. You, too.
[HE hangs up the phone.]
[Sighs] Pacey over
[Scene: Pacey and Joey are walking through the empty store. Joey is off walking around and finds a bin full of books and begins rummaging through the books. Pacey is off walking and goes into the /electronics section of the store, and sees all of the TVs and then the video cameras and then gets a plan together. Joey has now completely emptied the bin on the floor and is looking through the books and sees Bridget Jones's Diary and realizes that there is a video of the book she is supposed to read. She goes over to a rack of DVDs and begins looking for and eventually finds Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas on DVD.]
P.A.: Joey potter, you're needed in electronics. Joey potter to electronics, please.
[She makes her way over to the Electronics department and sees all of the TV's on and then sees Pacey's face on all of them.]
Pacey: Is this thing on? Ok, well...ahem. Hey...it's me... obviously. So if you could just step a little closer, and don't worry, I'm not gonna bite. I come in peace. Look...you and I... we're gonna be here for a while. For quite a while, it seems. So I think it would be best if we could come to some sort of truce. And to facilitate this truce, I'm willing to admit to you on camera that, yes, indeed, I am an ass, which you probably already know. Better than most people. And perhaps better than anyone on earth. But I digress. My proposal is this: That we leave the past in the past, which is where it belongs anyway, that we try and make the best out of this bad situation, and that we get comfortable. To wit--I bought you something. Well, I didn't really buy you something. Perhaps procured would be a better word, but...anyway, you get my point. It's down there on the counter. [She looks over and sees that he put a set of pajamas and slippers on the counter] I'm not so sure about the sizes anymore, 'cause it's been a while, but... we can always exchange it. And, if you accept my proposal, you will have at your disposal for a limited time only the ability to make me do one thing I really do not want to do. Which is not to say that you don't always have that ability, but I kinda figure that that's how this whole night from hell started. You were doing something for me that you really didn't want to do... which is what friends are for. Ok. Over and out.
[Pacey comes walking around the corner to join her]
Joey: I know what I want.
[The begin walking down the aisles. Joey is looking for something and Pacey is trying to keep up with her]
Pacey: Shouldn't I be getting you out of those clothes?
Joey: Later.
[She walks from aisle to aisle still looking]
Pacey: Well, would you mind telling me where it is--
Joey: Later.
Pacey: I thought you said those shoes were killin' you.
[She finally finds the Razor aisle and stops]
Pacey: You're kidding, right?
Joey: You said "one thing," Pacey.
Pacey: I said "one thing that would help you." How does changing my physical appearance help you?
Joey: Believe me, if I don't have to look thing on your face anymore, I will consider myself helped. Here.
[Hands him the razors]
Pacey: You're really gonna make me do this.
Joey: Yeah.
Pacey: Hmm. After all we've been through together. So this is what it comes down to, does it? Ok. [Sighs] But I want you to know one thing. I'm not gonna go down without a fight.
Joey: Please.
[He begins running]
Joey: Aah! Pacey! Pacey. Pacey!
[She has lost sight of him and is looking around for him]
Joey: Pacey?
[Pacey sneaks past the aisle behind her]
Joey: Pacey! You're only delaying the inevitable.
[Pacey begins to cut through the lingerie section and runs into a rack]
Pacey: Oh--
[Rattling]
Joey: You know, you're only making it worse for yourself. Much worse. When I catch you, who knows what other body parts I'll require you to shave. Pacey.
[Joey stops in the Auto department and gets and Idea. She knocks over a display, which catches Pacey's attention.]
[Crash]
Joey: Ow! I think I ran into an auto display case or something! Oh...h-help me. I think I'm bleeding.
[Pacey stops and then slowly turns to makes sure she is alright.]
Joey: Aisle 3-b! Bring band-aids!
Pacey: [Sighs]
[Scene: The Auto Section. Pacey comes looking around for Joey, and he is carrying band aids, but he doesn't see her. He turns to look down and aisle, when Joey comes up from behind him with a can of shaving ream in her hand pointed at him]
Joey: I wouldn't make
Pacey: Ohh!
Joey: Any sudden movements if I were you.
Pacey: You wouldn't dare.
Joey: I would. I don't particularly like that suit you're wearing. How much did it cost, $5, $600?
[She begins backing him up]
Joey: Move it. Uh-huh... back it up.
[Scene: The Men's Bathroom. Pacey is by the sink getting ready to shave when Joey comes out of one of the stalls changes into the pajamas.]
[Hinges squeak loudly]
Joey: Hey. I told you to wait for me.
Pacey: I am.
Joey: Ok. Go.
Pacey: All right, this is your last chance to change your mind about this.
Joey: Pacey. It's a beard. It'll grow back. Not that it should. What's the big deal, anyway?
Pacey: Well, you know how ballplayers don't change their socks during a winning streak?
Joey: No.
Pacey: Ok, well, they don't because they respect the streak.
Joey: And you perceive yourself as being on some sort of winning streak.
Pacey: Yes.
Joey: Caused by that thing on your face.
Pacey: Yes.
Joey: Fine. I give up.
Pacey: You give up? You're giving up that easily.
Joey: Yeah. If it means that much to you, Pacey. I mean, I have no desire to monkey with some centuries-old sports tradition. I wouldn't want you to lose the... triple crown or whatever. I just wanted to see your face again. Is that a crime?
Pacey: No. So that's it... end of story. It's just that easy.
Joey: Yeah. But you are gonna have to change your socks.
[Scene: Later in the store. Joey and Pacey are sitting on small chairs in the middle of one of the main Aisles playing a game of battleship.]
Pacey: I said b-3.
Joey: Ok, fine. You sunk my battleship. I officially suck at this game.
Pacey: Well, we can't all be master strategists, now, can we? So, what's next? Operation? Risk? What do you want?
[She is just looking at him]
Pacey: What?
Joey: Can I ask you a question?
Pacey: Yeah. Fire away.
Joey: Are you happy?
Pacey: Me?
Joey: Yeah. I mean really happy, not superficially, we-all-have- our-health happy.
Pacey: Why? Are you?
Joey: Mmm... yeah. I think I am. Which is weird, because it's not like there's anything all that spectacular going on in my life right now. It's just that... [Sighs] I don't know. I guess I feel different. Like...I've always had this tendency to assume that change, when it happens, can only be for the worse. You know? And lately, I kinda feel like that's not true... like whatever's waiting for me out there... may not be that bad. And even if it is... then not knowing about it... might actually be the good part. Mmm...I don't know. [Chuckles] I don't know that I'm making any sense.
Pacey: It sounds like what you're tryin' to say... is that you really like that guy.
Joey: "That guy"?
Pacey: Yeah. That Eddie guy.
Joey: Yeah. I did. But...the past... as they say, is the past. And that still doesn't change the fact that you never answered my question.
Pacey: I don't really have to. I mean, how could I not be happy? You've seen my car, right?
Joey: Pacey!
Pacey: [Chuckles]
Joey: Real answer, please.
Pacey: Real answer? Ok, fine. The real answer is this. I currently have in my life everything that I could possibly want. Except one thing.
Joey: And what's that?
[Scene: The restaurant section of the store. Pacey is behind the counters filling a large tray of Nachos with Cheese, and Joey just looks at him shaking her head and drinking a soda.]
Joey: Nachos? Please tell me you're really not gonna eat that.
Pacey: Well, you nixed my whole build- your-own-sundae idea.
Joey: Well, yeah, it's a little too cold for ice cream.
Pacey: It is never too cold for ice cream.
Joey: Pacey, why do you always seem to be eating during key moments of our relationship?
Pacey: I don't know. Is this a key moment in our relationship?
Joey: Well, it would've been if you would've let me get rid of that thing off your face.
Pacey: Is this what you consider letting it die?
Joey: What? We've already established that the theme for the evening is picking at old scabs.
[She hands him her glass]
Joey: Can I have more, please? Less ice this time.
Pacey: Less ice. You know... I think I actually missed my true calling in life.
Joey: Jerk?
Pacey: Mm-hmm.
Joey: I meant soda.
Pacey: I know what you meant. It just really wasn't all that funny. So...can I get you anything else? A little cotton candy?
Joey: Uhh! Gross.
Pacey: You want a pretzel?
Joey: No. I think those were probably made when I was a virgin.
Pacey: Oh, yeah. The good old days. But you're right. We should stop. We don't want to fill up on starches before we go raid the candy aisle.
Joey: Pacey, we can't eat candy this late at night. We'll rot our teeth.
Pacey: So then we'll brush them. And if we're feelin' crazy, we can floss. 'Cause you see, that's the great thing about bein' locked in a Kmart. You can do anything in a Kmart. You can fill up on sugary snacks. You can catch up on your dental hygiene. In fact, I'm startin' to like this idea so much, I may never leave.
Joey: Oh, my god. Homework. Come on. Wait. Bring popcorn.
[Scene: The Electronics Department. Joey and Pacey are sitting in front of one of the projection screen TVs watching Fear and Loathing in Las Vegas which happens to be playing on all of the TVs in the department. They are drinking soda and eating popcorn, as the movie finishes.]
[Both chuckle]
Joey: I thought this was supposed to be about the American dream.
Pacey: What could be more American than bitter invective, rampant paranoia, and gas-guzzling caddies?
Joey: So, what am I supposed to say tomorrow when Hetson puts me on the spot?
Pacey: Throw the words "post modernist" and "subjectivity" into the same sentence. You'll be fine.
Joey: I'm beginning to see why you're so good at your job.
Pacey: Oh, yeah? Why is that?
Joey: 'Cause you're so full of
Pacey: Uh! Now, that's not called for. We don't make fun of my source of income. Come on. Let's go.
Joey: Why?
Pacey: 'Cause I'm gettin' bored with all this sittin' around. Let's do somethin' active.
Joey: No.
Pacey: No? It's my turn to choose, isn't it?
Joey: We've discussed this already. There will be no bikes, no roller blading, and no you shooting hockey pucks at my head.
Pacey: Oh, now, come on. Those weren't real hockey pucks. Those were little plastic indoor ones.
Joey: Pacey, I think the goal of the evening should be to avoid head injuries.
Pacey: [Sighs] Ok, fine. I still got somethin' for us to do.
[Scene: Elsewhere in the store. Joey is pushing Pacey down an aisle as he is sitting in a desk chair on wheels.]
Joey: I promise you this is not going to hurt.
Pacey: Now, how could you possibly make a promise like that about what it is we're about to do, seeing as you've never done it before?
[They pull up to a table with Shaving cream, razors and a bowl of water on it. ]
Joey: Just because I've never done it before doesn't mean I'm not gonna be good at it. I was good at s*x, wasn't I? Sorry. Forget that. Sore subject. Anyway...you know, if you're so worried about potential blood loss, you could always do it yourself, you know.
Pacey: Well, I think I've already displayed the fact that I just-- I lack the iron will necessary to do this.
Joey: Good. Ok. Now... the important thing to remember is not to move. And no talking.
[She takes a towel and puts it around his neck. Leans his head back and grabs a pair of scissors.]
Pacey: Whooh.
Joey: Last chance to bail.
Pacey: Well, it's kinda hard to tell you I want to bail if I'm not allowed to talk, isn't it?
Joey: Oh. Well, blink twice or something.
Pacey: That's no kind of solution. That presupposes that I'm gonna stop blinking. Who stops blinking? Really, that's
Joey: Ok. Shut up.
[She begins to cut his goatee with the scissors]
[Later she turns him around and grabs two cans of shaving cream from the table.
Joey: Regular... or menthol?
Pacey: Are we smoking, or are we shaving?
Joey: Pacey Witter-- friend to women. I think it's better to go with sensitive skin.
[She begins to daintily put some on him]
Joey: Ok...
Pacey: Mmm... it's ok. Don't be shy.
[She begins putting it all over his face
Pacey: Mmm. [Chuckles]
Joey: Ok...
Pacey: [Chuckles]
[She grabs the razor and heads towards his face.]
Pacey: Ahem.
Joey: Ok. This is harder than legs. Although not dissimilar
[She slides down his chin and accidentally nicks him]
Pacey: Mhhh!
Joey: To knees. Sorry.
[She kisses her finger and the taps the cut]
Pacey: [Chuckles]
Joey: There. Hello, chin. You're back.
Pacey: [Chuckles] Well...I was never really gone.
Joey: You weren't?
Pacey: Mm-mmm.
Joey: It kinda seemed like it.
[They look deeply into one another's eyes, and then Pacey leans over and kisses Joey]
[SCENE_BREAK]
[Scene: The same location as before the break. Pacey and Joey are still kissing, and Pacey pulls slowly back, and Joey is just looking at him a little shocked, but was definitely enjoying it.]
Joey: [Sighs] What was that?
Pacey: I don't know. But...you remember how you said you were willing to be surprised by the future?
Joey: Yeah.
Pacey: Surprise.
Joey: How come you don't seemed surprised?
Pacey: Well...maybe because I've... wanted to kiss you ever since I saw you in that outfit.
[She looks down at the pajamas she is wearing]
Pacey: No. Um... not that outfit. The one... uh...the prev-- well, I mean, not
Joey: Wait, wait, wait.
Pacey: [Clears throat]
Joey: You were wanting to kiss me all night?
Pacey: Yes.
Joey: Even when you were yelling at me.
Pacey: [Chuckles] Especially when I was yelling at you.
Joey: Even when you were flirting with that other girl?
Pacey: Yeah. Then, too.
Joey: So... is this... some sort of... recent new development in your life?
Pacey: Wanting to kiss you? No. It's sort of always there... like...white noise, or... the secret service or the threat of nuclear war, for that matter. Just somethin' you get used to.
Joey: And that... doesn't at all freak you out.
Pacey: Well, yes and no.
Joey: Which one, Pace?
Pacey: Hmm. Yes.
Joey: Explain.
Pacey: I don't know that I can.
Joey: Try.
Pacey: Ok. Well... [Chuckles] It would be fair to say that I haven't been feeling all that friendly toward you lately.
Joey: You've been feeling more than friendly.
Pacey: Yes.
Joey: And the only way you could express that was to pick a fight with me.
Pacey: I suppose the answer to that would...also be yes.
Joey: Why is that, exactly?
Pacey: I do not know.
Joey: You must know something.
Pacey: [Sighs] What I know is that... you and I were one of the few things, perhaps the only thing... that ever made total and complete sense in my life. That's what I know.
Joey: You know we fought constantly.
Pacey: Oh, don't I know it.
Joey: And there are reasons why you and I didn't work. I mean, valid reasons. A-and...it... my life is finally
Pacey: Right where you want it. I know. It's crazy, isn't it?
Joey: Pacey, I don't know what to say. Um... I'm flattered. I'm... confused. I'm stunned.
Pacey: Are you wishing I hadn't said anything?
Joey: No. I just need to... can I just sleep on this?
Pacey: Yeah. I think that can be arranged.
[Scene: In the Outdoors department of the store. Pacey and Joey are lying down in one of he displays. Joey is lying in a Sleeping bag, and Pacey is lying on top of another one, just staring up at the ceiling]
Joey: Hey, Pace, did you
Pacey: Put all the stuff back? Yeah. Though some of it we're gonna have to pay for, like the clothes.
Joey: [Sighs] Pacey, did you
Pacey: If the next words out of your mouth are "take out the trash," I will officially have a preview of what it'd be like to be married to you.
Joey: And?
Pacey: It ain't pretty. [Chuckles]
Joey: I was going to say... is... did you know?
Pacey: Did I know what?
Joey: This was a dream come true?
Pacey: Which part?
Joey: All of it.
[They roll to look at one another]
Joey: When you and I were on the boat... I used to dream that we'd be cast away somewhere. You know, your... standard tropical island with the white sand beaches and... giant stars overhead. We'd wear no clothes, and we'd...splash in the surf all day. And then at night... the moon would be this... well, this giant thing. And it was always full.
Pacey: I like this fantasy. I'd catch fish with my bare hands... make fire without matches.
Joey: I'd make the fires.
[He looks over at her weirdly]
Joey: Who paid attention in science class?
Pacey: Ok. Good point.
Joey: Besides... it's my fantasy. And I guess I... never told you about it before because it's... [Chuckling] Embarrassing. You know? I mean... not at all original.
Pacey: Well, I guess you were right about one thing.
Joey: What's that?
Pacey: There are about a thousand reasons why you and I would never work.
Joey: There's one thing in the pro column.
Pacey: What's that?
[She gets out of her sleeping bag and goes over to join Pacey.]
Joey: Doesn't mean what you think it means.
Pacey: Well, then what does it mean?
Joey: Well... it means that... well, I'm cold.
Pacey: Oh.
[He pulls the covers over her]
Joey: And... I'm still thinking about it... and I miss you, pace.
Pacey: I miss you, too.
[The kiss some more and then Joey curls up next to him to go to sleep, and Pacey pulls her close to him and tries to drift off himself]
[Scene: The next morning. The lights are now on in the store, and Pacey wakes up and Joey is curled up in his arms.]
Pacey: [Yawns]
Employee: Dude... this is totally... uncool.
[He looks up to see the employee from the night before standing over them]
Pacey: Um... Joey? Ahem!
Joey: 5 more minutes.
Pacey: No, no. No. I think now would be a good time.
Joey: Why?
[She rolls over and sees the employee and quickly gets up]
Employee: Like...I mean... you're allowed... to, like, test things... and stuff... but the manager is gonna be... like, his mind is gonna be blown.
Pacey: This--no need to call the manager, 'cause, you know, we were just about to leave.
[Pacey jumps up to stop him and gathers their things up]
Employee: Hey.
Joey: Hey.
Employee: So, is this... like, your girlfriend?
Joey: No. We just sleep together from time to time. Do you have a problem with that?
[Joey walks past him, and the employee turns to Pacey with a big smile on his face.]
Employee: Very nice.
[Scene: The Cash Registers. A clerk is ringing up the items that Joey and Pacey have brought up, not realizing that they were in the store the entire night.]
Pacey: So, this is it.
Joey: Yes, it is.
Clerk: There were no security tags on these?
Joey: Oh. No. You should probably look into that.
[She hands the DVD from last night to the clerk]
Joey: And this.
Clerk: A DVD that's... opened.
[Pacey hands her the open pack of razors]
Pacey: Oh. And, uh... this, too.
Clerk: And a razor that's...opened.
Pacey: Sighs]
Clerk: Ok, and your total is 98.15.
Joey: I can pay you back. My purse is
Pacey: I got it. Seems a small price to pay for a dream come true.
Clerk: I certainly hope you found everything you were looking for today.
Pacey: Well...not everything, but we found what we needed, which, as I'm sure you know, is sometimes just as important. In a spiritual sense. 'Cause, you know, if you found everything that you needed today, what would be the point of waking up tomorrow and doing it all over again? It just wouldn't seem worth it.
Joey: Don't worry. He's on a one-day pass from the asylum. But...in all fairness, I should let you know that I will be writing a letter to the home office about this.
Clerk: You will?
Joey: Yeah. Because this store... is perfect just the way it is. Don't change a thing.
[The clerk hands her the bag, and she grabs the other one]
Joey: Thank you.
Clerk: You're welcome.
[They turn to leave the store.]
Pacey: Home?
Joey: Home. You know, you could offer to carry one of these things.
Pacey: Sure.
Joey: And you are letting me drive. Right?
Pacey: Drive? My car? Ha ha! Do I appear to have lost consciousness? Because that's the only circumstances under which you would be driving my car.
Joey: You wouldn't have this problem if you hadn't taught me how to drive in the first place.
Pacey: But you see, I don't have a problem, because
Joey: We'll see, Pace.
Pacey: You'll see your way into the backseat if you keep this up.
Plan: A: Pacey's sister; Q: What did Joey agree to pose as at a business party? A: Joey; Q: Who wants to be taken home after posing as Pacey's sister? A: a local K-Mart; Q: Where did Pacey and Joey get locked in? A: K-Mart; Q: What store is Joey locked in? A: the night; Q: How long do Joey and Pacey spend in the K-Mart? Summary: After agreeing to pose as Pacey's sister at a business party, Joey demands to be taken home. When Pacey makes a quick stop at a local K-Mart they are accidentally locked inside the store. They're forced to spend the night there and talk about their friendship and relationship, both past and future. After the night is over they are both left to ponder what the future has in store for them.