ACT ONE
(Night. Two FREEGANS walk down a deserted alley to an open dumpster.)
FREEGAN #1: So, I've been a freegan for about a year now. Fact, if Al Gore really cared about the environment, he'd live out of dumpsters.
FREEGAN #2: You should like, totally be in charge of the Earth.
FREEGAN #1: Don't I know it. This is a primo dumpster. Two restaurants and a convenience store use it. You're the only person I've ever brought here.
FREEGAN #2: Nobody's taken me out to dinner in like, forever.
(They kiss.)
FREEGAN #1: We are going to indulge in a freakin' feast, my lady. Hop in.
FREEGAN #2: Okay.
(They both enter the dumpster.)
FREEGAN #1: Fact, "best before dates" are just marketing tools to increase profits and make more garbage to feed the corporate monster. Oh look, eggs! And some apples. Just... just eat around the bruised part.
FREEGAN #2: (bites into an apple) Mmm. This is like throwing out a baby.
FREEGAN #1: I feel so close to you right now.
FREEGAN #2: Oh! Look at all the yogurt and the veggies.
FREEGAN #1: Wait a minute, do you smell that? There's something choice down there. You learn to recognize scents like a wine guy. It could be meat. Fact, if you cook it through, it's fine. Mmm, it's meat.
(Pulls out a skull and both scream.)
(Cut to: BRENNAN's car.)
BOOTH: Hmm, the perfect murder?
BRENNAN: I'm a forensic anthropologist. It would be odd if I didn't consider the perfect murder. First consideration, complete annihilation of the body. No body, no murder. Perfect.
BOOTH: Why are we talking about this?
BRENNAN: My car. I choose the topic of conversation. Also, my car achieves excellent gas mileage. Currently, fifty-one miles per gallon.
BOOTH: Okay, you win. So, let's talk about the perfect murder.
BRENNAN: Of course at this point, I'm simply being theoretical.
BOOTH: What do you... what do you mean "at this point"?
BRENNAN: Well there's so many variables in a person's life, it would be irrational to completely rule out the possibility of murdering someone.
BOOTH: No it's not. You say "I'm never gonna murder someone".
BRENNAN: I don't believe in absolutes.
BOOTH: Scary, you know what? You're really scaring me right now.
BRENNAN: Because you know that if I did commit murder, you'd never be able to catch me.
BOOTH: (chuckles) I could catch you.
BRENNAN: No, my plan is foolproof.
BOOTH: Oh, now it's an actual plan.
(Cut to: Crime scene. CAM and several FBI TECHs are on the scene.)
BOOTH: Now this is a good place to dispose of a body. Trash men, they come every other day and it's off to a landfill, body never to be seen.
BRENNAN: Perhaps.
BOOTH: There is no perfect murder. It's chance and luck.
BRENNAN: My plan is perfect.
BOOTH: Look, if you can plan the perfect murder, so can I. I can too. Yeah okay, what's this? That's it?
CAM: This is everything we found in the dumpster. The head and hands.
BOOTH: Who found it?
CAM: A couple of dumpster divers.
BOOTH: Dumpster divers.
BRENNAN: The prominent glabellas suggests the victim is male.
BOOTH: Whoa, Hodgins is gonna love that. Okay, what is that, some kind of a bird's nest?
CAM: It's the victim's hair.
BOOTH: Wow, was he scalped?
CAM: The teeth have been shattered most likely in an effort to obfuscate identity.
BOOTH: Well you know, the dumpster will cause the guy to decompose pretty good too.
BRENNAN: You should keep in mind when you plan your own murder.
CAM: Anything I should know, Seeley?
BOOTH: No, Camille.
BRENNAN: (to an FBI TECH) I'll need you to separate out all fragments of remains from the refuse.
CAM: You think the rest of him is in here?
BRENNAN: I doubt it. Based on these striations on the distal end of the ulna, it's clear the hands were sawed off. Overall I must say this was a well-conceived method for disposal.
BOOTH: Right, is that how you would do it?
BRENNAN: I'm sorry I can't share my murder plans with you.
BOOTH: Why?
BRENNAN. You are dating a journalist. If in a post-coital haze, you relayed my method, she might print it for killers everywhere to see.
BOOTH: Right, because you know, dismemberment and murder is my topic of conversation after s*x.
CAM: There is something unusual about the phalanges, Dr. Brennan.
BRENNAN: (picks up the remains of a hand) A flattened exostosis on the first metacarpal and proximal phalanx.
BOOTH: That, you know, I know what that is.
CAM: You do?
BOOTH: Yeah an old ranger buddy of mine had the same injury. He got it from shooting a Desert Eagle Handgun.
CAM: You think he's military?
BOOTH: No, the victim definitely had a thing for big guns.
BRENNAN: The evidence is consistent with your theory.
BOOTH: That's right, you see 'cause I always get my man.
BRENNAN: I am a woman.
(Opening credits.)
ACT TWO
(Jeffersonian Institute, Medico Legal Lab, forensics platform. BRENNAN is examining the remains as CAM and BUNSEN JUDE walk up.)
CAM: Dr. Brennan.
BRENNAN: Yes, Dr. Saroyan?
CAM: Is this a good time to interrupt?
BRENNAN: Since you've already interrupted me, I think it's the best possible time to interrupt.
CAM: Good, I wanna introduce you to someone.
BRENNAN: Who?
CAM: Before I tell you his name, I want you to understand that he is in fact (BUNSEN JUDE waves) very well educated with several advanced degrees.
BRENNAN: Why does he look like that?
CAM: Because he's the Science Dude. Professor Bunsen Jude, the Science Dude.
BRENNAN: I don't know what that means.
CAM: Uh, he's got his own kid's science show on TV, about science. The Science Dude.
BRENNAN: As I am no longer a child, I don't really watch those.
BUNSEN JUDE: Dr. Brennan, I am Professor Bunsen Jude the Science Dude. (extends his hand, but BRENNAN is wearing gloves and waves him away.) I'm very happy to meet you. I hope we can be friends.
BRENNAN: Nice to meet you, Dude.
BUNSEN JUDE: (looks around the lab) Amazing!
CAM: The professor has a proposition for you.
BUNSEN JUDE: Ah, yes. I would like to shoot a special episode of my show here in your lab with you as my very special science guest.
BRENNAN: No.
CAM: Dr. Brennan, this would be very good for the Jeffersonian.
BRENNAN: The Jeffersonian is over a century and a half old. I doubt my appearance on a mere children's show will have much effect.
BUNSEN JUDE: Dr. Brennan, my show is not mere. Do you have any idea how many children I have introduced to the world of science?
BRENNAN: No.
CAM: Oh, millions and millions.
BRENNAN: I am a serious scientist.
BUNSEN JUDE: I hold degrees in astrophysics, anatomy, chemistry and economics.
BRENNAN: Children are not rigorous when it comes to empirical inquiry. They mostly enjoy bad smells and loud noises.
BUNSEN JUDE: Well, who doesn't like that?
(BRENNAN returns to examining the remains. BUNSEN JUDE and CAM begin to walk away.)
CAM: I'm sorry Professor.
BUNSEN JUDE: Alright, wait, wait. (to BRENNAN) How about I prove myself to you? I'll assist you in this case. If I'm useful, then you do my show.
CAM: Dr. Brennan, you could use a second pair of eyes. We happen to be squintern free.
BUNSEN JUDE: There you go. I will be your squintern.
BRENNAN: Alright (motions to the remains on the table).
BUNSEN JUDE: Okay. Amazing!
BRENNAN: What do you observe?
BUNSEN JUDE: (puts on gloves) Uh, well uh, this is a cut off head. Those are hands and that there is his hair.
BRENNAN: Perhaps I should've specified that you tell me something pertinent.
BUNSEN JUDE: May I? (uses tweezers to take a sample and places it under a microscope) As you can see from the deltoid appearance, this tells us this is not head hair.
CAM: Oh god! You mean it's...
BUNSEN JUDE: What? From, no no... no. That would really be a lot. I think it's, it's head hair but it's not from the top of the head. It's from his chin and cheeks.
BRENNAN: Dude is correct.
CAM: A beard. That's better than...
(BUNSEN JUDE looks uncomfortable, sick.)
BRENNAN: It's alright to vomit, Dude.
BUNSEN JUDE: When science gets icky, it's alright to be si... (vomits into a trash can).
(Cut to: ANGELA's office. A facial reconstruction is on the monitor. CAM walks in.)
CAM: Wow, mean looking.
ANGELA: What's really scary though, is that there's somebody out there even worse who cut off his head and hands.
CAM: One little detail. This hair, not from his head. It's his beard.
ANGELA: Ah, no problemo. (modifies the facial reconstruction) Okay, voila.
CAM: Okay. Well let's get this to Booth. See if anyone's missing this guy.
(Cut to: FBI Building, BOOTH's office. GERING is seated as BOOTH enters.)
BOOTH: Mr. Gering.
GERING: Yeah. Greg Gering, Gering Bail Bonds.
BOOTH: Yeah right, yeah, look at that. I recognize you from all those billboards I see all over the place. So my people tell me you can identify this missing person.
GERING: Yeah, this is Ray. Ray Kaminsky aka Wolf.
BOOTH: Wolf? You guys put up bail for him?
GERING: No, Wolf was one of the good guys, or almost a good guy. He's a skip tracer.
BOOTH: Bounty hunter.
GERING: Fully licensed, very experienced, one of my best. You sure he's dead?
BOOTH: Oh yeah.
GERING: Hard to believe somebody got the drop on the Wolf.
BOOTH: Was he after anyone in particular?
GERING: Yup, nutcase named Charles Braverman, indicted for the murder of a co-worker. Here. (hands Booth a file) Jammed a mechanical pencil through the guy's eye for singing show tunes at his desk.
BOOTH: (opens the file) Guy looks like an accountant. He's 5'-7" and only 142 pounds.
GERING: Charles Manson was 5'-2". Jeffrey Dahmer couldn't bench press his own weight. You've been in this business as long as I have, you come to judge how dangerous a man is by the size of his bail.
BOOTH: How much?
GERING: Million bucks. That's why I sent my best guy after him.
BOOTH: The Wolf.
BOOTH: Well thanks for these.
(Holds out Gering Bail Bonds business cards.)
GERING: Those are for you. You can maybe hand them out to everybody you arrest.
BOOTH: Why would I do that?
GERING: Because I am the picture of cooperation, provided you with a murder suspect.
(Cut to: Jeffersonian Institute, Medico Legal Lab, Ookey Room. HODGINS is at work while BUNSEN JUDE enters.)
BUNSEN JUDE: Excuse me, Dr. Hodgins.
HODGINS: Yeah. (turns and sees BUNSEN JUDE) Whoa, Professor Bunsen Jude the Science Dude! Hey man, it is an honor to meet you (they shake hands).
BUNSEN JUDE: Thank you. Dr. Brennan sent me to...
HODGINS: (interrupts) Observe, analyze...
HODGINS & BUNSEN JUDE: (in unison) Deduce!
BUNSEN JUDE: No offense Dr. Hodgins, but you're a little older than my usual viewers.
HODGINS: When I was in college, we used to have this drinking game, every time you said the word "Amazing!", we (brings an empty beaker to his mouth and mimics drinking) we... well anyway, I'm very familiar with your work.
BUNSEN JUDE: I'm pitching in to help Dr. Brennan. She sent me to see if you found anything out from the beard.
(HODGINS motions towards the victim's beard, tacked onto a board.)
BUNSEN JUDE: Yucky.
HODGINS: Yeah so, observe. Insects, various mineral particulates, mucus.
BUNSEN JUDE: Bugs, dirt, snot. Is that blood?
HODGINS: Analyze. It's barbeque sauce. More specifically, a vinegar and tomato based sauce most commonly found in western Virginia.
BUNSEN JUDE: You're thinking you can trace his location before he passed away from the clues in his beard.
HODGINS: Yes I do. Deduce!
BUNSEN JUDE: Amazing!
(HODGINS brings a beaker to his mouth and downs its contents. He makes a face and coughs afterwards.)
(Cut to: Outside, reflecting pool. BOOTH and BRENNAN are seated on a bench, eating lunch)
BOOTH: Listen, why don't you want to do a kids' show?
BRENNAN: It's a waste of my time.
BOOTH: It's a science show.
BRENNAN: Kids' science.
BOOTH: Parker loves that show. He's always watching it. He's always shouting out that slogan, "Ready, Aim, Fire!"
BRENNAN: (corrects him) "Observe, Analyze, Deduce".
BOOTH: Alright look, the whole point with the kids' show is you have an opportunity to you know, brainwash a bunch of normal kids into geeks, you know, future squints.
BRENNAN: I'd be more likely to scare them away.
BOOTH: What?
BRENNAN: People should stick to their strengths.
BOOTH: Well, you know, people should expand, I mean, expansion is good. They should grow. You believe in evolution, right?
BRENNAN: If I didn't, I'd have to believe that early humans co-existed with dinosaurs. To believe that, I'd have to be dim witted.
BOOTH: (in a serious tone) Ah, cave men fought the Tyrannosaurus Rex. That's a fact.
BRENNAN: I can't tell if you're joking. (her phone rings) I hope you are. Oh, it's Angela. (answers) Hello?
ANGELA: (on speakerphone) Hodgins and that Dr. Amazing...
BRENNAN: (to Booth) Angela means Science Dude.
ANGELA: (on speakerphone) Yeah, they ran an analysis on the contents of the victim's beard.
BOOTH: Beard? Why the beard?
ANGELA: (on speakerphone) It was full of stuff.
BOOTH: Stuff?
BRENNAN: Could you be more specific?
ANGELA: (on speakerphone) Okay well, there were needles from the red spruce, which means he was at an altitude higher than 4,300 feet and the leg from a rare bug called the emerald ash borer.
BOOTH: How rare is that?
ANGELA: (on speakerphone) Rare enough that when it's combined with altitude and a not so secret barbeque sauce made by Ollie's BBQ in western Virginia, you're left with a half mile stretch off the 250 highway where the victim had to be shortly before being killed.
BRENNAN: That's very good work Angela. Thank you. (hangs up) You're going to need Tuttie for this one.
BOOTH: Tuttie?
(Cut to: Woods. BOOTH follows TUTTI, the cadaver dog and her handler, MACGREGOR)
MACGREGOR: If there's a dead body out here, Tutti will find it.
BOOTH: Maybe Tutti's gotten smart, right, and realized it's best just to avoid dead bodies' smell altogether.
MACGREGOR: I mean, this body could be in bits right?
BOOTH: Could be. All we found were the head and the hands.
MACGREGOR: Somebody try to make it harder to identify the victim?
BOOTH: Yeah. Ok, so...
(TUTTI sits then lays down.)
BOOTH: That's it for Tutti? That's all she's got?
MACGREGOR: No, that's how Tutti indicates. You dig there, you'll find human body parts or my name isn't Maggie MacGregor!
BOOTH: Maybe you can get her to dig too?
(Cut to: Later in the woods. An open excavation with human remains.)
CAM: Headless, handless, right stage of decomposition, I'd say you found the rest of our victim.
BOOTH: More bones for Bones to work on.
(CAROLINE JULIAN walks up with two FBI AGENTS)
CAROLINE: Excuse me, what in god's name are you people planting up here at this time of year?
BOOTH: What are you doing here?
CAROLINE: These agents are surveilling a cabin just over there and reported suspicious activity. (looks down at the bones) A moldering dead body counts as suspicious.
CAM: These are most likely the remains of a bounty hunter named Ray Kaminsky.
CAROLINE: Bounty hunter? By any chance was he in pursuit of a fugitive named Charles Braverman?
BOOTH: Yeah, he's out on bail for murder. Looks like the bounty hunter chased Braverman out to his cabin and Braverman took him out.
CAROLINE: It gets worse. Braverman's wife was slated to be a material witness against her husband.
CAM: Was?
CAROLINE: She's gone missing. That's why we put that place under surveillance. Too late, it appears. Maybe there are two bodies out here.
BOOTH: Nah, I scoured this whole area with Tutti, you know the cadaver dog.
CAROLINE: Well, all we can do is hope that Molly Braverman is out there somewhere hiding from her homicidal, maniac husband.
BOOTH: I'll find her for you.
CAROLINE: Ah, cherie. I love it when you sing that song.
BOOTH: Haha.
CAROLINE: (glances down at the bones) Ew!
ACT THREE
(Jeffersonian Institute, Medico Legal Lab, forensics platform.)
BUNSEN JUDE: Alright everyone, are we wearing our masks and gloves? Health and safety first.
(HODGINS and CAM look at him quizzically.)
BUNSEN JUDE: Really, that's how you roll? Alright.
(They open the body bag to reveal the victim's remains.)
BUNSEN JUDE: Human remains, rotting. The medical term that describes the condition of this flesh is... anybody, anybody?
(HODGINS raises his hand)
BUNSEN JUDE: Yes?
HODGINS: Ah, it's gooey.
BUNSEN JUDE. Good. That's not exactly what I was looking for.
CAM: Decomposed due to autolysis, the destruction of cells as a result of an aseptic chemical process.
BUNSEN JUDE: Amazing! But you had me at "decomposed".
HODGINS: Okay, okay ask something else.
CAM: (raises her hand) I'd like to know how this person died.
BUNSEN JUDE: Dr. Saroyan is the boss. We must always respect our superiors and our mom and dad. That's why I tell kids to ask first before removing simple household items when doing an experiment.
(HODGINS clears his throat and nods toward the remains.)
BUNSEN JUDE: Cause of death (moves the magnifying lens over a section of the remains). And there it is, the cause of death.
CAM: Just like that?
BUNSEN JUDE: Yes. (points to the screen) Bowing inward fracture. Fracture lines indicating high velocity trauma, most likely a gunshot.
HODGINS: You'd throw it to a cartoon now, right? To explain velocity.
BUNSEN JUDE: Captain Speedy falling off the cliff, explaining velocity is the rate of change of displacement with time!
HODGINS: I love Captain Speedy!
CAM: The trajectory is a straight shot to the heart. Fatal.
BUNSEN JUDE: Which is sad but amazing.
HODGINS: Amazing.
(Cut to: FBI building. SWEETS and BOOTH look at MOLLY's DMV picture on the monitor.)
SWEETS: So Braverman and Molly were high school sweethearts. No reports of spousal abuse.
BOOTH: So?
SWEETS: He's considered a martinet at the workplace, control freak.
BOOTH: Not at home?
SWEETS: More likely, Molly successfully subjugated her own personality and desires to her husband.
BOOTH: The why did she agree to testify against him?
SWEETS: (shrugs) Chance to be free.
BOOTH: Free? Huh, she's free now.
SWEETS: Yeah, but she won't be on her own. I mean, she's not prepared to cope.
BOOTH: Okay, so we're looking for someone who took her in. A friend or a family member.
SWEETS: No, no she won't have any friends. Braverman wouldn't have allowed it.
BOOTH: Sweets?
SWEETS: Yeah?
BOOTH: Not by herself, not with a friend. Then what's left?
SWEETS: Surrogates.
BOOTH: People who have babies for other people?
SWEETS: No, no, no. Someone that she comes into contact with in a formal way like an employee.
BOOTH: Oh right, or a housekeeper or a tax adviser or a personal trainer.
SWEETS: Yes, exactly. Look for someone that she overcompensates or uh, utilizes more often than she needs to.
(Cut to: Jeffersonian Institute, Medico Legal Lab, forensics platform. BRENNAN swipes her card and walks up.)
BRENNAN: Dude, Dr. Saroyan tells me that you determined cause of death.
BUNSEN JUDE: Keen observation and careful thought are traits that are as valuable as kindness, understanding and compassion.
BRENNAN: Much more valuable, actually.
BUNSEN JUDE: Well I try to promote all the traits which make for a good citizen.
(Close-up of a rib on the monitor. BRENNAN and BUNSEN JUDE look on.)
BRENNAN: I agree substantial damage has been done to this rib. Do you have an explanation for the fact that the two sides of the rib failed to match?
BUNSEN JUDE: I miss something?
BRENNAN: (points) The two sides of the fracture. There's a gap of at least seven millimeters, which is unaccounted for.
BUNSEN JUDE: I missed it entirely but there's no shame in making a mistake.
BRENNAN: If you're a child. But here that kind of carelessness could lead to a murderer escaping.
BUNSEN JUDE: And as the old adage goes, if at first you don't succeed you pick yourself up and ignoring all the doomsayers and mopey dopes, you try again. (uses tweezers, picks up a fragment and examines it closely) Amazing. Now the only component that's evading us is the bullet that caused this injury.
BRENNAN: No, that is not the only component evading us.
(BRENNAN leaves.)
[SCENE_BREAK]
(Cut to: ANGELA's office. CAM enters.)
CAM: What've we got?
BRENNAN: I've asked Angela to create a re-enactment of the victim's death.
ANGELA: I'm just inputting the data now.
CAM: (to BRENNAN) Professor Jude turned out to be quite impressive, didn't he?
BRENNAN: Well, if you're six years old.
CAM: A kind mind is a fine mind. (BRENNAN makes a face) It's just that stuff gets into your head and... go Angela.
(Computer shows a rendering of the victim's injuries.)
ANGLEA: As you can see, the victim was struck in the left fourth rib with a blow that was powerful enough not only to fracture the rib but also dislodge a portion of the bone.
BRENNAN: Dude found a fragment of the rib. My theory is that the fragment was propelled forward and shot into the heart thus killing him.
CAM: So he wasn't killed by a bullet but by a piece of his own rib?
BRENNAN: There's no indication of the weapon being a bullet.
CAM: What did the rib damage?
ANGELA: I hate to be the one to suggest this but this might be the perfect time for Hodgins and the Science Dude to join forces.
CAM: Bring merriment to your experiment. (BRENNAN and ANGELA exchange looks) I just... made that one up myself.
(Cut to: BOOTH's car.)
BOOTH: Molly Braverman saw her hairdresser twice a week.
BRENNAN: That's a lot.
BOOTH: That's exactly what Sweets said we should look for, I mean, we talked to the hairdresser and get this, Molly asked if she could stay at the hairdresser's house for a few days.
BRENNAN: You don't seem pleased.
BOOTH: Yeah you know well, the hairdresser said I was the second FBI agent who called. So you know, I checked in with Caroline and nobody else followed the hairdresser lead.
BRENNAN: What, Braverman?
BOOTH: That's exactly what I thought but it was a woman who called.
(Cut to: Apartment 5F where MOLLY is staying. BOOTH knocks and MOLLY answers.)
MOLLY: (through the peephole) Yes?
BOOTH: (shows his badge) FBI.
(MOLLY opens the door.)
BOOTH: FBI Special Agent Seeley Booth. This here is Dr. Temperance Brennan from the Jeffersonian. Can we talk to you for a minute?
MOLLY: I'm sorry, this is isn't a good time.
BRENNAN: Mrs. Braverman, we have reason to believe that you're in danger.
BOOTH: Your husband may have discovered where you are and... what is it, is something wrong?
BRENNAN: (turns around and sees BRAVERMAN outside through the window) Booth, it's Braverman.
(BRAVERMAN turns and runs.)
BOOTH: (to MOLLY) Stay inside and lock the door.
(BOOTH and BRENNAN chase BRAVERMAN across the street.)
BOOTH: Hey, hey hey!
(BOOTH runs out in front of a cab)
BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, whoa!
CABBIE: (honks) Watch it!
BOOTH: Can't you see I'm running?
CABBIE: (as BRENNAN runs in front of the cab) Are you kidding me, lady?!
(BOOTH and BRENNAN follow BRAVERMAN into an alley. BRAVERMAN takes out a gun, fires and misses. BRAVERMAN continues into a parking garage and as BOOTH chases, he collides with JANET LEBLANC. They fall to the ground, with BRENNAN right behind.)
BRENNAN: Booth! She's got a shotgun (picks up the gun, cocks it and aims for BRAVERMAN).
BOOTH: Bones!
BRENNAN: (to BRAVERMAN) Hey!
BOOTH: Whoa, whoa, whoa... easy!
(BRAVERMAN turns and jumps through a window, landing on a parked car below. He injures his leg but runs away before BRENNAN can get a shot off.)
LEBLANC: (to Booth) Thanks a lot idiot! You just cost me two hundred grand.
BOOTH: Two hundred grand? Oh great, just what I need, another damn bounty hunter.
ACT 4
(FBI building. BOOTH leads LEBLANC, in handcuffs, to a conference room.)
LEBLANC: Come on, we're in your castle. We're all on the same side. How about losing these stupid bracelets?
BOOTH: On the same side?
(CAROLINE walks up.)
CAROLINE: (to LEBLANC) You assaulted a federal agent.
LEBLANC: He didn't identify himself as such. Besides, he's a big boy. It's not like he can't handle a love tap or two.
BOOTH: Oh, a wanted fugitive escaped because of your interference so have a seat.
LEBLANC: Look, let me go and I'll get Braverman back for you.
CAROLINE: If Braverman hurts or kills anyone else because you prevented his arrest, I'll charge you as an accessory.
LEBLANC: I'm sorry but I've been chasing this guy for seventeen days now. (looks directly at BOOTH) It's the thrill of the chase, right? You know what I mean.
BOOTH: (a beat) Come on (removes LEBLANC's handcuffs).
LEBLANC: Wow, you're actually letting me go?
BOOTH: Well, thrill of the chase. You get it, right? Get outta here before I change my mind.
(LEBLANC leaves.)
CAROLINE: What'd you do that for?
BOOTH: Double the pressure on Braverman. I don't care who gets him first.
CAROLINE: I hate it when you're all adult and sensible. Get me a little bile and revenge. That's what I appreciate in a man (turns and leaves).
BOOTH: What?
(Cut to: Jeffersonian Institute, Medico Legal Lab, Ookey Room. HODGINS and BUNSEN JUDE are setting up an experiment.)
HODGINS: Human ribs can withstand approximately four hundred pounds of force before breaking. Ribs one through three are the hardest with four through nine getting progressively weaker.
BUNSEN JUDE: Our victim was a large man with big muscles and dense bones.
HODGINS: I never thought of using paint stirrer sticks in place of ribs.
BUNSEN JUDE: Many common household items mimic the properties of human body parts like cantaloupe melons or pudding.
HODGINS: I'm not gonna ask about the pudding.
(HODGINS sets the model at one end of the room. The model consists of paint sticks to represent the ribs and a balloon filled with red liquid to represent the heart. HODGINS and BUNSEN JUDE walk to the opposite end of the room.)
BUNSEN JUDE: Start slowly and work our way up.
HODGINS: Professor (extends a bowl filled with various projectiles to BUNSEN JUDE, who picks out a baseball).
BUNSEN JUDE: Thank you.
HODGINS: (sets up a speed gun) Captain Speedy would say the speed will give us velocity and force.
(BUNSEN JUDE throws the baseball at the model. The ball bounces off the model but does not break it.)
HODGINS: Wow (checks the speed gun). That's fifty-six miles per hour, which is 25.3 meters per second. That's not enough.
(HODGINS and BUNSEN JUDE change positions. BUNSEN JUDE sets up the speed gun as HODGINS picks another projectile from the bowl.)
HODGINS: Ooh, how about a slingshot with a golf ball? Ready?
(HODGINS aims and fires. The golf ball bounces off the model but does not break it.)
HODGINS: Wow, those ribs are really tough.
BUNSEN JUDE: (checks the speed gun) A hundred miles per hour or...
HODGINS: 45.15 meters per second, give or take.
BUNSEN JUDE: Science is fun!
HODGINS: Yeah!
BUNSEN JUDE: But we do have a responsibility to the truth.
HODGINS: Yeah.
BUNSEN JUDE: The truth is whatever hit this big, tough man's ribs made a piece fly off.
HODGINS: Should we step this thing up a magnitude or two? (hands BUNSEN JUDE a hatchet).
BUNSEN JUDE: Amazing!
(Cut to: FBI Building, SWEETS' office, SWEETS is with a PATIENT.)
(BOOTH enters.)
BOOTH: Sweets! (notices the PATIENT) Oh hey, how are you? (to SWEETS) Listen, I need you help.
SWEETS: I'm in a session!
BOOTH: No, no, no no... Listen, I'm dealing with a dangerous fugitive here. (To PATIENT) You understand, don't you? (to SWEETS) I need your brain to help me figure out what his next move's gonna be.
SWEETS: No, no, no, no... I still got twenty minutes left here then I'm all yours.
BOOTH: Whoa, no, no, no... twenty minutes is not gonna work, alright? Two minutes, not a second more. (to PATIENT) Listen, whatever your problem is trust me, Sweets here can fix it in two minutes. (points to his watch) Two minutes. Let's go, let's go, come on (exits).
SWEETS: Okay, well deciding to change genders is a monumental decision (PATIENT nods) in and of itself so why don't we take the weekend to reflect on that. And then we'll figure out what the next steps will be. Sound good? Yeah? Yeah.
(Cut to: Jeffersonian Institute, Bone Room. BRENNAN is looking over bones on the table as ANGELA enters.)
ANGELA: Hey, you have to go on the Dude's kiddie show.
BRENNAN: No I don't. (exchanges a look with ANGELA) Why?
ANGELA: Because it's the dream of every kid in this country who likes science even a little bit.
BRENNAN: Well, I'm not a kid. I'm a fully-grown adult.
ANGELA: Okay, then do it for your inner child.
BRENNAN: If you're referring to a fetus, I unlike you, am not currently pregnant.
ANGLEA: Sweetie, you go on the show and millions of little girls are going to look at you and say to themselves, "I can be like her". A scientist or an astronaut or a brain surgeon blah de blah. You know, shoot for the stars. All that.
BRENNAN: Even with the blah de blah, it seems very important to you.
ANGELA: Yeah. If I have a daughter I'm going to name her Temperance.
BRENNAN: You are?
ANGELA: I mean we won't call her that. It's awful. Maybe it'll be her middle name but I want her to love you.
BRENNAN: You love me.
ANGELA: Yes, but not everyone is as willing to look as hard for you inner child as I am and this kid is half Hodgins, remember? Listen, if the Science Dude makes it all the way through this case, helpful or not, I think that you should cut him a break and go on his show.
(Shot of bone fragments, magnified on the monitor. BRENNAN turns her attention to the bones.)
ANGELA: Yeah and I've lost you.
BRENNAN: No, no you haven't. I am an excellent multitasker. I need the Dude.
ANGELA: Oh, okay. (yells) Dude! Dude!
BUNSEN JUDE: (off-screen) Coming, I'm coming!
(BUNSEN JUDE enters.)
BUNSEN JUDE: Yeah?
ANGELA: You are on. Dazzle! (exits).
BRENNAN: Dude, what do you see here?
BUNSEN JUDE: Ribs, broken ribs.
BRENNAN: Could you be more specific?
BUNSEN JUDE: Okay. (walks toward the monitor) This is a magnification of the fourth left rib so it's big. And our eyes can see things that are usually too tiny for the human eye. And right here (points) where it's a little bumpy and weird, that's where the bone started to heal.
BRENNAN: Remodeling.
BUNSEN JUDE: Yes, which means this rib was broken before this man was killed. Amazing!
BRENNAN: This injury occurred perhaps a week before the victim was killed.
BUNSEN JUDE: Whatever made him die was not the same thing that broke his rib.
BRENNAN: There were two injuries. One that broke off a piece of the rib...
BUNSEN JUDE: And another approximately a week later which propelled the bone into his heart and killed him dead.
BRENNAN: "Killed him dead" is redundant.
BUNSEN JUDE: But it's clear and what do we say about clarity? It's a barbarity that clarity is a rarity!
BRENNAN: That's very true.
(Cut to: FBI Building. BOOTH, SWEETS and CAROLINE are watching security tapes.)
BOOTH: Okay, what am I looking at looking at here?
CAROLINE: You know that myth where some good Samaritan anonymously sends in evidence that cracks the case?
BOOTH: That never happens.
CAROLINE: It happened.
SWEETS: That's the victim, isn't it?
(Footage shows KAMINSKY playing pool with GERING.)
BOOTH: Yeah, he's playing pool with his boss, the bail bondsman. So what?
CAROLINE: Here we go.
(Footage shows KAMINSKY punching GERING.)
CAROLINE: Slight disagreement between gentlemen.
SWEETS: Does he really think that wig is fooling anyone?
CAROLINE: He's terminal.
BOOTH: What?
CAROLINE: Cancer. The diagnosis isn't good.
(Footage shows GERING jabbing KAMINSKY with a pool stick.)
BOOTH: Oh, wow! Okay, at least we know how he cracked his rib.
(Footage shows GERING pulling out a gun, aiming it at KAMINSKY.)
CAROLINE: Gotta give a little guy credit for guts.
SWEETS: Someone thinks he's gonna die, he takes risks he might otherwise avoid.
(Footage shows GERING continuing to point his gun as KAMINISKY walks away.)
BOOTH: Yeah or he just goes crazy.
ACT 5
(FBI Building, interrogation room. BOOTH and CAROLINE question GERING.)
GERING: The Wolf cheated. He called the wrong shot. There was money at stake. I did what I had to do.
BOOTH: (motions to the television which shows footage of GERING jabbing KAMINISKY with a pool stick) Yeah, so you cracked him in the ribs?
GERING: I protested in a vigorous fashion. We put it behind us. I didn't track him down and kill him later.
CAROLINE: Maybe he wasn't so forgiving. Maybe he felt embarrassed that an old man in a bad wig made him look like a fool.
BOOTH: Right, so he comes after you.
CAROLINE: You protest again, even more vigorously, by which I mean you chop off his head.
GERING: Look, you people! Guys like me and the Wolf... we're not lawyers, we don't talk things through. The Wolf once took a shot at me because I complimented his mother in a way he didn't appreciate.
BOOTH: Guys like you, you get older, you get weak. Maybe you overcompensate.
GERING: I'm still kickin', thanks sonny.
CAROLINE: You're wearing that wig because of chemotherapy. You are going to die sir, within the next year.
GERING: (exchanges looks with CAROLINE and BOOTH then removes his wig) Doctor says more like six months. And it's none of your business, but I believe in God and I would like to make a good impression when I stand before him.
BOOTH: And make up for what, about a hundred assault convictions?
GERING: Assault in the course of my chosen profession. No aggravated assault, no killing anybody! If I were you, I'd be asking why Janet LeBlanc sent you that security tape.
BOOTH: Oh what, the other bounty hunter?
GERING: She's the only one who would benefit.
CAROLINE: Why would one of your own bounty hunters want to incriminate you?
GERING: Because she wants you wasting your time on me while she finds Braverman. Mission accomplished.
BOOTH: You're being pretty damn helpful. (to Caroline) Isn't he?
CAROLINE: Mmm-hmm.
GERING: If you get to Braverman first, I don't have to pay out two hundred large which is why I'll play this for you (hits play on a recorder that's on the table).
MOLLY: (on recorder) Charlie, tell me where you are and I'll come right away.
BOOTH: Is that Molly Braverman?
MOLLY: (on recorder) No, I promise. The FBI had no idea I was hiding you.
(GERING stops the recorder.)
CAROLINE: What'd you do, duplicate the sim card on her cell?
GERING: No need, they got an app for that.
BOOTH: Give me that (takes the recorder).
(Cut to: FBI Building, conference room.)
MOLLY: (on recorder) I can meet you at the corner of 21st and Scott in thirty minutes
BOOTH: (stops the recorder) Okay, that recording was made an hour and a half ago. I contacted the officers who were assigned to protect Molly and she's already gone.
BRENNAN: What kind of woman runs away with a man whom she knows to be a murderer?
SWEETS: I should've known. She's so used to being controlled she can't live without it.
CAROLINE: I don't care about why, the question is where. Where are they?
BOOTH: Right here. (brings up a map on the screen and points) Okay the intersection they plan to meet is right here. Now if Molly is driving...
SWEETS: No, no no. He would've taken over once they got together.
BRENNAN: How could you possibly know that?
SWEETS: Well, since she's willing to accept the fact that her husband killed a man, it suggests that she's a submissive and compliant woman.
CAROLINE: So where do you think they'll go?
BRENNAN: Okay, this is ludicrous. Sweets can't possibly know that.
SWEETS: Actually, I can. What I'm doing here, it's no less precise than profiling a suspect. So this meeting place is not random (points to the intersection on the monitor). It's right off the 66 interstate. From here, Braverman will head west.
BRENNAN: (scoffs) Now you're psychic?
SWEETS: 87% of all people escaping head west. I know, it's one of those bizarre, psychological truths. It's like, uh, circling clockwise when you're staking out a house.
BRENNAN: Even the Dude would call that pseudo science.
BOOTH: (brings up MOLLY's credit card records on the monitor) Credit card records show past reservations at campgrounds at Walker State Park and Freemont State Park.
SWEETS: Yeah, they would want a familiar place where they feel secure. Both west of here, by the way. Just... (shrugs and glances at BRENNAN).
BOOTH: The fastest route from here is between the 66 and 81.
CAROLINE: I'll buy it, especially since we don't have anything else.
BRENNAN: He won't make it to the 81.
CAROLINE: Now who's psychic?
BRENNAN: When Braverman rolled off the car, he landed flat-footed. From that height and the speed he was going, he must have dislocated his femoral head from his acetabulum.
BOOTH: It couldn't be that bad. He's been running ever since.
BRENNAN: Once he's in the car and immobile, his adrenaline will wear off and the pain will become unbearable. He'll need drugs and medical care.
CAROLINE: You don't think he'd be stupid enough to go to a hospital?
BRENNAN: He won't have a choice.
BOOTH: I'll contact all the hospitals and urgent care facilities along the route.
(Cut to: Jeffersonian Institute, Medico Legal Lab. CAM and HODGINS walking.)
CAM: Nothing. You found nothing?
HODGINS: We have tried everything we can think of. The problem is projectiles either bounce off the rib, crack it or fragment it into several pieces.
CAM: But nothing knocked out one small fragment?
HODGINS: It's like I told the Science Dude. We need something that strikes at more than forty meters per second but less than seventy meters per second.
CAM: Which translates to?
HODGINS: Ah, faster than a golf ball hit with a three iron but slower than a rubber bullet.
(CAM and HODGINS enter the Ookey Room where BUNSEN JUDE is working.)
CAM: (sees HODGINS' and BUNSEN JUDE's model. The balloons have been popped and red liquid has spewed around the model) Oh, good lord.
(BUNSEN JUDE holds a potato gun. His lab coat is covered in red liquid.)
BUNSEN JUDE: I think I'm onto something.
HODGINS: Whoa, you made a bazooka!
BUNSEN JUDE: If you mean a potato bazooka, then yes. PVC tube, commercial hairspray as an accelerant. Hold and load (hands the gun to HODGINS).
HODGINS: Man, I haven't shot a potato gun since I was a kid.
CAM: Is this in any way safe?
BUNSEN JUDE: Strictly eighteen and over so I am completely out of my comfort zone.
HODGINS: (loads the gun) Okay, loaded and ready, Professor (gives the gun to BUNSEN JUDE).
BUNSEN JUDE: (kneels with the gun and takes aim at the model as HODGINS sets up the speed gun) Spuds away!
(CAM covers her ears as BUNSEN JUDE fires. The potato his the model and breaks the rib.)
HODGINS: Wow, one hundred and forty miles per hour so that's 62.5 meters per second, give or take. Check the playback on that.
(HODGINS walks to the monitor. Slow motion shot of the potato hitting the rib. A fragment breaks off and punctures the balloon that represents the heart.)
BUNSEN JUDE: Eureka!
CAM: I see your results are congruent with what happened but are we really saying that our victim was killed by a potato gun?
(HODGINS and BUNSEN JUDE smile.)
(Cut to: BOOTH's car. BOOTH's phone rings.)
BOOTH: It's Hodgins (answers). Hey Hodgins, you got a weapon for us?
HODGINS: (on speakerphone) It's a potato gun.
BRENNAN: Did you get that thesis from the Dude?
CAM: (on speakerphone) That would be correct.
BOOTH: Okay, murder by vegetable?
HODGINS: (on speakerphone) Well, not literally.
BUNSEN JUDE: Murder by something that approximates the speed, force and velocity of a potato. A blunt, malleable projectile moving at a relatively slow speed.
BRENNAN: That is very good work.
BUNSEN JUDE: (on speakerphone) Ah, but good enough that you will agree to appear on my show?
(BOOTH glances at BRENNAN.)
BRENNAN: (nods) Yes.
(BUNSEN JUDE and CAM look pleased. BOOTH's phone rings.)
BRENNAN: Uh, excuse us.
(BOOTH takes the call. It's AGENT CLANSNICK.)
BOOTH: Oh, I got it, I got it. Yeah it's Booth.
CLANSNICK: (on speakerphone) This is Agent Clansnick. MacArthur Hospital off the 66 just reported a couple, male and female. Male with a dislocated leg.
BRENNAN: What, were they carrying any potatoes?
CLANSNICK: (on speakerphone) Excuse me?
BOOTH: No, we're eight miles out. We're on our way.
ACT 6
(MacArthur Hospital. BOOTH and BRENNAN enter.)
BRENNAN: What do you want to do?
BOOTH: Well, what I want to do is I want to find a doctor to find him and pump him with enough morphine to stun an elephant.
BRENNAN: Physicians can't do that, it's against the Hippocratic Oath. First, do no harm.
(Shot of LEBLANC entering the hospital.)
BOOTH: Right, I'm just saying...
(BOOTH and BRENNAN see LEBLANC).
BRENNAN: She followed us.
BOOTH: Hey, Janet!
(BOOTH and BRENNAN go follow LEBLANC. LEBLANC goes through a set of doors and jams the handles with a crutch.)
BOOTH: (attempts to open the door from the other side but can't) Janet!
LEBLANC: (walks down the hallway and looks back at BOOTH) Braverman's mine G-man.
(Cut to: MOLLY and BRAVERMAN in a hospital room. BRAVERMAN is in a gown while a NURSE prepares an injection)
MOLLY: It's gonna be alright, okay?
(Cut to: BRENNAN outside of the doors that LEBLANC went through.)
BRENNAN: There's another way around. This way (runs as BOOTH follows).
(Cut to: Hospital room. The nurse injects BRAVERMAN's knee.)
(Cut to: BRENNAN and BOOTH spot LEBLANC.)
BRENNAN: (points) Look there!
(LEBLANC turns and walks away.)
(Cut to: MOLLY leading BRAVERMAN out of the hospital room.)
(Cut to: BOOTH and BRENNAN follow LEBLANC.)
BRENNAN: I'm going to go back the other way (walks in a different direction than BOOTH).
(Shots of: BOOTH following LEBLANC as she glances back. MOLLY and BRAVERMAN walking. LEBLANC spotting MOLLY and BRAVERMAN.)
MOLLY: Run Charles, I got her.
(LEBLANC shoves MOLLY and continues after BRAVERMAN. BOOTH and BRENNAN spot JANET and MOLLY from opposite sides of the hallway. MOLLY grabs a needle as BRENNAN kicks her causing MOLLY to inject herself with the needle. MOLLY falls to the floor. BOOTH chases BRAVERMAN but BRAVERMAN is shot by LEBLANC. BRAVERMAN falls to the floor. BOOTH takes out his gun and aims it at LEBLANC.)
BOOTH: No, wait! Drop the weapon.
LEBLANC: Relax G-man, he's fine. It's only a beanbag gun.
BOOTH: Drop it, now.
LEBLANC: (sets the gun on the floor) I got the guy. Bounty is mine.
BOOTH: On your knees, now!
LEBLANC: (kneels) He's officially mine.
(BRENNAN rounds the corner and sees BOOTH and LEBLANC.)
BRENNAN: Booth.
BOOTH: Bones, you okay? Where's Molly?
BRENNAN: She's incapacitated. Most likely for the next six to eight hours.
(BOOTH handcuffs LEBLANC.)
BOOTH: Bones, you think that a potato gun and a beanbag can generate the same fig Newtons per square inch?
BRENNAN: It's just Newtons, Booth. (picks up the beanbag and examines it) Yes, I think they could be very similar. Why?
(BOOTH looks at LEBLANC.)
BRENNAN: The bounty hunter killed the Wolf?
BOOTH: They're both after Braverman at the same time in the woods near his cabin. So she just takes him out for the two hundred grand bounty.
BRENNAN: It was an accident. The rib fragment broke off in the fight at the pool hall. (to LEBLANC) You had no idea that your beanbag gun would kill him.
BOOTH: Bones, what are you, a defense lawyer now?
BRENNAN: A kind mind is a fine mind.
BOOTH: She cut off his head! That wasn't an accident.
BRENNAN: I have no rebuttal to that statement.
BOOTH: Right, let's go (leads LEBLANC, in handcuffs, away).
(Cut to: Various shots of D.C. then to the exterior of the Jeffersonian Institute. In the lab, the forensics platform has been transformed into the set of BUNSEN JUDE's show. A neon sign "THE LAB" is overhead. The AUDIENCE consists primarily of children. BOOTH, CAROLINE, ANGELA, HODGINS, and CAM stand and watch from the back .)
BOOTH: (speaking fast) I am so nervous, anyone else nervous? (to Caroline) You nervous? I'm nervous.
CAROLINE: What if she starts to explain human dissection to these kids?
(Theme music plays as the show starts. BUNSEN JUDE runs onto the stage. The AUDIENCE applauds. BOOTH takes a seat.)
BUNSEN JUDE: What is the code of the scientist?
AUDIENCE: Observe, analyze, deduce!
ANGELA: Wow, these are not normal, fun children.
BUNSEN JUDE: Kids, I want you to meet a very special friend. In fact, this is her lab. Isn't it amazing?
AUDIENCE: It's amazing!
BUNSEN JUDE: She's a forensic anthropologist and what she does is amazing! She looks at old bones, she figures out how people lived, what they were like, even how they died. She's amazing, like magic.
AUDIENCE: She's amazing!
BUNSEN JUDE: But it's not magic, it's...
AUDIENCE: Science!
BUNSEN JUDE: Her name is Dr. Temperance Brennan but she's better known as the Bone Lady (claps).
(The AUDIENCE claps along with CAROLINE, ANGELA, HODGINS, and CAM. BRENNAN runs onto the stage in pigtails. She's dressed in a fluffy tutu, giant white gloves and a black leotard with a white skeleton. The AUDIENCE cheers. BOOTH claps and smiles. BRENNAN waves.)
BUNSEN JUDE: Dr. Brennan, would you like to lead us in our Scientist's Oath?
BRENNAN: I most certainly would, Science Dude. We see big stars (raises hands and waves) tiny atoms too (lowers hands and waves) because that is what scientists (points to herself) do.
AUDIENCE: (in unison) Because that is what scientists do!
BRENNAN: We get the facts and say what's true because that's what scientists (points to herself) do.
AUDIENCE: (in unison) Because that is what scientists do!
BOOTH: (in unison) Because that is what scientists do!
BRENNAN: We use our minds (points to her head) embrace what's new (hugs herself) because that is what scientists (points to herself) do.
AUDIENCE: (in unison) Because that is what scientists do!
BUNSEN JUDE: Thank you Dr. Brennan.
BRENNAN: No, thank you.
(Shots of the AUDIENCE, CAROLINE, HODGINS and CAM cheering as BRENNAN bows and curtsies. BRENNAN spots BOOTH in the crowd. They make eye contact as BOOTH gives a smile and thumbs up. BRENNAN returns the smile and thumbs up. BRENNAN bows. Scene fades.)
END.
Plan: A: a dumpster; Q: Where were the remains of Ray Raminsky found? A: the team; Q: Who must solve the crime and search for the victim's remains? A: search; Q: What must the team do to find the rest of the victim's remains? A: a bounty hunter; Q: What was Ray Raminsky's profession? A: Charles Braverman; Q: Who is Ray Raminsky searching for? A: Brennan; Q: Who is asked to be a guest on Professor Bunsen Jude's show? A: "The Science Dude; Q: What is Bunsen Jude's nickname? A: The Jeffersonian Lab; Q: Where is Professor Bunsen Jude's show filmed? A: his special guest; Q: What role does Brennan have on Professor Bunsen Jude's show? A: a new "squintern; Q: What does Brennan take on after she can't refuse Professor Bunsen Jude? A: an unexpected suspect; Q: Who does the team find themselves in a chase with? Summary: After a skull and decomposing hands are found in a dumpster, the team must not only solve the crime but also search for the rest of the victim's remains. Identified as Ray Raminsky, the victim turns out to be a bounty hunter in search of Charles Braverman, a man indicted for the murder of a co-worker. Meanwhile, Brennan is asked by Professor Bunsen Jude "The Science Dude" if he can shoot an episode of his children's show from The Jeffersonian Lab with Brennan as his special guest. Brennan initially turns him down, but is surprised when he makes her a deal she can't refuse, so she takes him on as a new "squintern." As the team pieces together the details of the crime, they discover that they are not alone in the hunt for Braverman and find themselves in a chase with an unexpected suspect.