Bette: Previously, on "The L Word."
[A heartbeat is heard as we see scenes from Season 1:]
[Bette stares across the parking garage at the CAC; Candace gets out of her car.]
[Tina sits on her bed, angry at Bette.]
[Jenny and Robin kiss, in bed.]
[Tim accidentally sees Jenny and Robin through the window, making love.]
[Robin smiles at Jenny.]
[Cherie screams at Shane; Shane tries to hold her still.]
[The sound of the heartbeat speeds up. Shane puts her hand against her forehead as Cherie runs out.]
[Tonya puts her hand against her head at Mr. Piddles' funeral.]
[Dana cries over Mr. Piddles, her hand against her forehead.]
[Ivan walks up behind Kit.]
[Gene and Jenny are about to kiss, in front of the aquarium.]
[Tina, Bette, Shane, Alice, Marina, Kit and Ivan raise their glasses, at Mr. Piddles' funeral.]
[Bette and Alice are at The Planet.]
Bette: Why is it so important for you to believe that everyone is sleeping with everyone else?
Alice: Because they are.
[Tina rolls her eyes.]
[Jenny sits on Tim's lap.]
[Shane and a woman in a pool kiss passionately.]
Jenny: Do you know the neighbors next door?
[Shane and the woman start to have s*x in the pool.]
Jenny: Are they, um, a gay couple?
Tim: Yeah, they are.
[Through the fence, Jenny watches Shane and the woman having s*x.]
Jenny: Because I saw them having s*x in their pool.
[Jenny and Tina talk in Tina's backyard.]
Tina: We're having a party tomorrow night. You and Tim should come.
[Jenny and Tim walk into Bette and Tina's house for the party. Marina, Alice and Jenny sit on a couch.]
Alice: Jenny, this is Marina.
[Marina, Alice and Jenny sit on a couch, staring at one another. Marina and Jenny stare at each other.]
Alice: You guys should totally take the Cosmo romance quiz. (laughs)
[In the bathroom, Marina grabs Jenny and kisses her passionately.]
[Cut to quick clips of Marina and Jenny making love, then Tim and Jenny making love.]
Tim: Where are you?
[Jenny sees Marina's face in place of Tim's.]
Jenny: I'm right here.
[A ring sits on a table.]
Annette: (off screen) You're getting married?
[Marina and Jenny are in Jenny's kitchen.]
Marina: Are you happy?
Jenny: (crying) Don't ask me that.
[Tim opens the door to Jenny's apartment, catching Marina and Jenny having s*x.]
[Jenny confronts Tim at the swim meet.]
Tim: Why couldn't you stop it, why what it so hard!
[Tim forces Jenny to confront Marina at The Planet.]
Jenny: What happened between us was a terrible mistake.
[Tim gets in Marina's face.]
Tim: Did you hear what she said?
[Jenny walks away.]
[Tim talks to Jenny in the writing studio.]
Tim: We need to get a divorce.
[Jenny talks to Robin.]
Jenny: Are you free on Saturday night?
Robin: I have a date.
[Gene and Jenny talk to Tim and his date Trish, at the CAC party.]
Tim: (to Gene) Has she... told you she's a dyke?
[Gene looks at Jenny.]
[Gene, Robin and Jenny stand in Jenny's writing studio.]
Gene: I should probably be the one to go.
Robin: Gene, no, I should go.
Jenny: No, I don't want either of you to leave.
[Jenny sits in a chair.]
[Shane and Tina hug at a party.]
Bette: Ever notice that every time Shane walks into a room, someone leaves crying?
[Shane confronts Lacey on a street.]
Shane: I don't do relationships.
[Scenes of Shane kissing different girls.]
[Cherie is in Shane's barber chair.]
Shane: Tell me what you want.
Cherie: In terms of what you can do for me?
[Shane and Cherie have s*x in the back room of Shane's salon.]
[Clea and Shane sit at The Planet.]
Clea: Are you in love with her?
Shane: Yeah.
[Shane and Steve talk on the street.]
Steve: You gotta learn to keep it in your pants.
[Shane sits in her truck outside the gates of the Jaffe mansion, shouting into the intercom.]
Shane: Open the gate!
[Cherie cries, slapping Shane.]
Cherie: I never wanna see you again!
Shane: Listen! Listen to me!
[Cherie and Shane talk at the CAC party.]
Cherie: It was a delusion.
Shane: (crying) You felt the same way about me.
Cherie: (crying) That kind of love does not exist.
[Dana and Alice are at The Planet.]
Dana: I mean, what does Shane have that I don't have?
Alice: She has nipple confidence.
[Dana and Lara kiss at the country club tennis court. Conrad walks up.]
Conrad: Hey!
[Dana and Lara are startled and stop kissing.]
[Dana and Lara are at a restaurant; Dana is very upset.]
Dana: You don't understand what it means to be me.
[Dana, Alice, Tina and Shane arrive at the Dinah Shore event. Tonya shakes Dana's hand.]
Tonya: So, so glad to meet you. I'm Tonya, your guest liason. I'm here to take care of all your needs.
[Dana and Tonya in bed later. Tonya and Dana are having s*x.]
Tonya: I can't believe I'm about to go down on Dana Fairbanks.
[Alice and Tina sit in their hotel room.]
Alice: That girl has bad f*cking vibes.
[Tina, Dana and Alice sit at a table at The Planet.]
Dana: When are you gonna make up your mind between dick and pussy?
Alice: I'm looking for the same qualities in a man as I am in a woman.
[Dana turns to Tina and gestures.]
Dana: Big tits.
[Dana and Tonya announce their engagement at Mr. Piddles' funeral. Dana shows off Tonya's ring.]
Dana: We're getting married!
[Tonya laughs with excitement.]
[Alice stands on Dana's doorstep in the middle of the night. Dana stands there in her pajamas.]
Alice: You can't marry Tonya.
[Dana looks at her curiously. Suddenly, Alice kisses her.]
[Ivan performs on stage at The Planet.]
[Ivan and Kit sit on a couch at The Planet.]
Ivan: Look, if you ever need anyone to talk to, give me a call.
[Bette talks to Kit at the CAC.]
Bette: She wants to be your husband.
[Kit and Ivan sit at a table at The Planet.]
Kit: If you were a man, you would be the perfect man.
[Kit opens her apartment door. Ivan is standing there with flowers.]
Ivan: Wow.
[Bette and Tina stand in their bathroom.]
Bette: Let's make a baby.
[They kiss.]
[Bette and Tina sit at the therapist' office.]
Bette: I have found the perfect donor.
[Tina opens the front door at their house. Marcus Allenwood stands there.]
[Tina and Bette sit at The Planet. Tina is upset.]
Tina: How could you not tell me that Marcus Allenwood is black?
[Bette cries.]
[Bette comes in from work and sees the positive pregnancy test stick lying on the table. She grins at Tina.]
Tina: We're gonna have a baby.
[Bette stands in Dr. Wilson's exam room.]
Dr. Wilson: I was unable to locate a heartbeat.
[Bette comforts Tina. Tina cries in her arms.]
[Tina and Bette go to group therapy.]
Tina: I was only twelve weeks and I feel like I lost someone I was with my whole life.
[Bette and Candace stand near one another.]
Candace: All I've wanted to do all day long was kiss you.
[Bette and Candace come close to kissing in Bette's office, while looking over blueprints.]
[Bette stands in her office. Tina slips her arms around her from behind. Bette thinks it's Candace.]
Bette: I can't.
Tina: You can't what, babe?
[Bette turns around.]
[Bette gets into Candace' car.]
Bette: Take me somewhere.
[Candace throws Bette onto the bed. Candace pushes Bette against a door as they kiss passionately.]
[Tina sees Bette and Candace standing outside at the CAC party, holding hands.]
[Tina confronts Bette in their bedroom.]
Tina: I saw it.
Bette: I'm sorry.
[Tina slaps Bette.]
Tina: f*ck you! f*ck you!
[Bette grabs Tina and pushes her onto the bed.]
[SCENE_BREAK]
INT. - DR. WILSON'S OFFICE - DAY
[Tina stands in Dr. Wilson's exam room, facing the camera. She takes off her purse.]
Tina: I can't believe this is happening.
INT. - CANDACE'S BEDROOM - DAY
[Cut to Bette and Candace, in bed, kissing passionately.]
INT. - DR. WILSON'S OFFICE - CONTINUED
[Title card: Los Angeles, Present Day]
Tina: When we did this, I thought I had a certain amount of security.
[Tina takes off her jacket.]
Tina: Whether it worked or not, I thought Bette and I were solid.
INT. - CANDACE'S BEDROOM - CONTINUED
[Cut back to Bette and Candace in bed, kissing.]
INT. - DR. WILSON'S OFFICE - CONTINUED
[Tina removes her shirt. Dr. Wilson stands a few feet away, looking at some paperwork.]
Dr. Wilson: When were you planning to tell Bette?
Tina: Right about now. If everything looked like it was going to go well, and nothing was gonna go wrong like last time... I didn't think Bette could handle another miscarriage.
[Tina takes off her pants and shoes.]
Dr. Wilson: No?
[Tina turns to face Dr. Wilson. By the daylight streaming in through the window, we see Tina in her underwear. She's pregnant.]
Dr. Wilson: Oh my. Well.
[Tina rubs her belly and smiles.]
Dr. Wilson: Look at you.
Tina: Yeah, just sort of, uh...
[Tina turns to the side. She is very pregnant - several months so.]
Tina: ... just popped.
[Tina looks at her belly, then at the doctor, then picks up an exam gown from the nearby exam table and slips it on.]
Tina: I'm not ready to tell anybody. I wanna keep it to myself for a while.
Dr. Wilson: Well, that's not gonna be easy, my dear.
[Tina ties her gown shut and sits on the exam table.]
Tina: Looks like I'm having this baby on my own.
Dr. Wilson: Now that's a shame, Tina.
Tina: Don't say that. People do it all the time.
[Dr. Wilson folds her arms and leans against the counter.]
Dr. Wilson: And you're okay with that.
[Tina takes a moment.]
Tina: I want this baby more than ever.
[Tina sits on the edge of the exam table looking very alone, as the camera zooms back.]
[New opening credits with the new theme by performer Betty.]
INT. - CANDACE'S BEDROOM - DAY
[Dusty Springfield's "Just A Little Lovin'" plays. Bette lays in bed, apparently alone, smiling. She reaches down. After a moment, she lifts the sheets and smiles - Candace slides out from under the sheets and they kiss tenderly. Candace touches Bette's face.]
Candace: I'm so happy to have you here.
[Bette seems lost in thought.]
Candace: Hello?
Bette: Hi.
Candace: Hey. Where did you go?
[Bette doesn't answer. She stares at Candace. Candace seems concerned.]
Candace: What's going on?
[Bette looks away. She looks sad.]
INT. - THE PLANET - DAY
[Several people sit around, drinking coffee and talking. Alice and Shane sit at a table together. Alice is knitting; Shane is reading a magazine.]
Alice: Dammit... why did I get this assignment? I'm so not a knitter.
Shane: Well, it's crazy popular and all the fags I know are doing it. Even some of the straight boys, too.
Alice: Right! See? Men should be knitting, and women should be running the world. That's how I see it. That's what I'm gonna write for L.A. Magazine. It's good.
Shane: (nodding) Yeah, go for it, they'll love it.
[Shane looks down at her magazine, then looks at Alice again.]
Shane: How's Tina?
Alice: Well, Bette still hasn't called her.
Shane: There's something really wrong when God lets two people who are meant to be together come apart like that.
[Alice stops knitting and picks up her coffee cup. Shane stares into the distance.]
Alice: You believe in God?
[Shane still stares into space. Alice sips her coffee.]
Alice: Hm.
Shane: Wha?
Alice: This coffee tastes like poopie sh1t! Where's Marina?
[Alice goes back to knitting. Shane looks around.]
Shane: I haven't seen her for days, I have no idea.
Alice: I don't know, I haven't either.
[Shane looks around.]
Alice: So listen, do you, um... you wanna talk about anything, or... 'cause that's what friends are for. If you'd like to talk.
[Shane flips a page in her magazine and quickly shakes her head at Alice.]
Shane: No, I got nothing to talk about.
Alice: Shane.
Shane: What?
[Alice stops and looks at Shane with a little smile. Shane looks at her.]
Shane: Aw, quit bein' such a lez!
[Alice resumes knitting. Shane goes back to her magazine.]
Alice: Well, what! You're just back from Cherie Jaffe-land?
Shane: Nothing's changed, I'm still me.
Alice: Ohhh, so you still live by the code.
[Shane looks up from her magazine.]
Alice: You don't do relationships.
Shane: It's not a code, it's me.
[We see a pair of pink high heels coming in through the door. Shane looks up and sighs.]
Shane: Oh, sh1t.
[Alice looks over. It's Tonya, Dana's fiancee. She sees Alice and Shane and waves at them, then heads off to order at the counter.]
Alice: Oh no, I cannot take Cruella DeVille this morning. Do some - uh, pretend I'm upset.
Shane: What, what?
[Alice puts down her knitting and turns toward Shane. She pokes her. Shane quickly sits up and puts her magazine down.]
Alice: Put your arm around me!
[Shane complies.]
Alice: Um... I'll just start sobbing, and...
[The sit close together. Alice puts on a glum face and starts to try to sound like she's been crying. Shane pretends to comfort her.]
Alice: ... obviously it'll be a really intimate moment.
[Shane takes Alice' hand and nods at her.]
Alice: (sounding sad) I mean... no halfway-sensitive person would ever dream of interrupting.
[Shane shakes her head, still going along. Tonya finishes ordering and darts over to their table.]
Tonya: Guys, you guys!
[Tonya sits at their table, completely unaware of their private moment. Alice and Shane make faces, then go back to what they were doing.]
Tonya: This place is falling apart! (gasps) Did you guys hear what happened to Marina?
Alice: What?
EXT. - A RESIDENTIAL STREET - DAY
[Dana is jogging down the street, toward the camera. She's in a t-shirt and shorts, and very sweaty. At the camera, she stops, turns around, and drops to the ground and begins doing push-ups in the middle of the street. After doing a handful, she jumps to her feet and runs back the other way.]
INT. - THE PLANET - CONTINUED
Tonya: A nervous breakdown, complete and total, she had to be hospitalized.
[Alice and Shane look at her, shocked.]
Alice: Wh...
Shane: She tried to off herself?
Tonya: She slit her wrists, at the Bel Air Hotel, in the penthouse suite.
Alice: That's horrible!
[Shane and Alice stare at Tonya slack-jawed.]
Tonya: She was wearing that fabulous Dolce & Gabana suit, the men's cut -
Shane: (to Alice) We should see her.
[Alice nods at Shane.]
Tonya: Too late. Her mother put on a plane, she's back in Milan. She's a contessa, you know.
[Alice and Shane are still staring, stunned.]
Tonya: I know, she's a contessa, Marina's a contessa.
[Shane stares at Tonya, mouth agape, as Alice makes faces trying to keep up with the flurry of information. Without losing a breath, Tonya shouts past Alice and Shane.]
Tonya: Honey! Honey! Honey, honey, come here! Hi...
[Alice turns to see Dana walking in, still in her workout clothes, covered in sweat, and smiling back at her. Alice quickly turns back around and looks down at the table. Dana makes her way to the table and sits down next to Tonya.]
Tonya: (to Dana) I was just telling the girls how I almost became your future ex-wife last night.
Dana: Oh! (chuckles) Kinda freaked out with the wedding planners. (laughs)
Tonya: (to the staff) Excuse me, we need a green tea! Iced!
[Alice stares at the table, looking somewhat melancholy. She looks up at Dana quickly. Dana catches her. They exchange a serious glance. Tonya turns back around and sees the moment.]
Tonya: (to Alice) Are you okay?
Alice: Hunh? (a beat) Yeah! Ummm, freaked out. About... Marina.
[Alice resumes looking at the table. Shane looks at her.]
Dana: Oh yeah, thank God for the bell boy. He came in right as she was about to jump.
Shane: (to Tonya) Wait, wait, you said she slit her wrists.
Alice: Yeah -
Tonya: (to Dana) Look at you! All sweaty!
[Tonya starts dabbing the sweat from Dana's brow with a napkin. Dana blushes.]
Tonya: Isn't it cute how she perspires so much?
[Alice looks away. Dana stops Tonya.]
Dana: (to Alice) So how's Tina? Has Bette called yet?
[Alice shakes her head.]
Tonya: Apparently, she walked in on them in their very own bedroom.
[Alice shakes her head, smiling.]
Dana: (sarcastic, to Dana) Okay! Miss Inside Story. How did Tina find out?
Alice: (to Tonya) Well, actually, Tonya, um, she guessed, because she saw them touching hands, and then... she knew everything.
Dana: (sarcastic, to Dana) How could she tell just by seeing them touch hands.
Shane: Women can do that.
Alice: (to Dana) Yeah, especially dykes.
[Dana frowns at Alice. Tonya continues on her train of thought.]
Tonya: Well, I don't know what Bette was thinking. I mean, you don't step out on a woman like Tina for somebody who hammers planks for a living.
[Alice rolls her eyes, laughing, getting agitated.]
Alice: Oh my... ! What're you saying, Tonya, that it would've been okay if Candace had a better job?
[Tonya opens her mouth to respond but Shane cuts in.]
Shane: Guys, it's not our business.
Alice: But Bette loves Tina, there's no doubt about it!
Dana: (to Alice) So then, they could just - why can't they work it out?
[Alice stares at Dana, then looks at Shane.]
Shane: 'Cause of the s*x thing, and Bette can't help it.
Dana: (to Alice) So if it's just a s*x thing then, you can, get it under control, right?
[Alice stares at Dana, looking sad.]
Tonya: Women can control it. Men sometimes can't because they're controlled by their peckers.
Alice: (to Tonya) There is no difference between men and women and this is a perfect example or Bette would've called it off.
Tonya: (shocked) Bette is still schtuping the carpenter?!
[Tonya makes an "oh my God" face.]
Dana: God, I feel so awful for Tina.
[Alice folds her arms and stares at the ceiling.]
Shane: Guys.
Tonya: Well, Bette better get that pecker under control!
Shane: Guys!
[Everybody looks at Shane. They all turn to see what she's staring at. It's Tina. Tina smiles uncomfortably.]
EXT. - FARMER'S MARKET - DAY
[Jenny and Gene are walking down the rows of vendor fruit and vegetable stands. Throngs of people walk around, shopping.]
Gene: You know those skinny, Japanese ones?
[As Gene talks, Jenny watches the crowd. Gene looks at her, and continues talking.]
Gene: They don't really look like mushrooms, you know, they kinda look more like noodles, or something.
[Jenny watches a pair of lesbian couples pass by. Both couples seem very happy, arm in arm, clutching flowers and other assorted purchases. One of the couples kiss.]
Gene: I never um... uh, what to...
[Jenny is completely vacant from the conversation. She smiles as the women pass by. Gene looks at her, then at the women.]
Gene: ... do with them.
[Gene pulls Jenny by the hand, jostling her out of her reverie.]
Jenny: Wha? Oh, I'm sorry, I'm sorry. What were you saying?
[Gene shakes his head, then continues.]
Gene: Uh, I was talking about mushrooms.
Jenny: Right. Right, right, right. Do you like mushrooms?
Gene: Selectively.
Jenny: Uh... they - they really do scare me. Ah, I remember in third grade, there was this beautiful girl - God. Gorgeous. Her name was, uh...
[As Jenny talks, she sees another female couple stroll by. One of them holds a baby and the other pushes a stroller. Jenny looks dreamily at them as she speaks.]
Jenny: ... Miriam, and she had this wild mushroom, and just was in the hospital for like three weeks, and had this allergic reaction and...
[Gene stares at the women as they pass.]
Jenny: God, she missed the relay race, and... wow. I've never actually seen onions on a stem before.
[Jenny walks over to an attractive female vendor selling organic stemmed white onions. The vendor smiles at her.]
Jenny: Do they taste different?
Vendor: Smell them.
[The vendor smiles and holds up a handful of the onions. Gene rolls his eyes, looking put off. Jenny smells the onions, and crinkles her nose.]
Jenny: Oh. That's very strong.
[The vendor smiles, and puts the onions back on the table.]
Gene: (to the vendor) Do you wanna f*ck her right here, or, do you both wanna come back to my place?
[Jenny stares at Gene in disbelief.]
Jenny: Gene!
Gene: 'Cause I don't think my roommate's home -
[Jenny takes Gene's arm and leads him away.]
Jenny: No, no. (to the vendor) I'm sorry.
[Jenny walks several feet away and stops and faces Gene.]
Jenny: Okay. What's going on?
Gene: Look, I didn't press you into this. Alright. You said you wanted to keep seeing me. So.
Jenny: Yeah, I know, I know.
Gene: What is it?
Jenny: And I said that I like you.
Gene: Well that's really nice, you know. I like you, too. But we don't have s*x. Okay? There it is. I'd like to be having s*x with the woman I cook for... make mix-tapes for you, you don't wanna have s*x! And... I know why! It's because you're gay.
[Several people nearby turn to look.]
Gene: Alright? That's it! I'm sorry to break it to you, but you are a girl-loving, full-on lesbian!
Jenny: I don't think that's for you to say.
Gene: Well, deal with it. Alright?
[Gene gives Jenny the flowers he was carrying.]
Gene: Good luck.
[Gene turns and walks away.]
INT. - THE PLANET BATHROOM - DAY
[A toilet flushes. Alice emerges from one of the stalls and goes to the sink. Dana is standing there. Alice smiles and goes to wash her hands. Dana looks a little nervous.]
Dana: Are we ever gonna talk about this?
Alice: Talk about what?
[Alice reaches past Dana for a paper towel. They stare at each other as she dries her hands.]
Dana: Okay.
[Dana shakes her head and starts to leave.]
Alice: Hold on.
[Dana walks back and stands in front of Alice.]
Alice: It was a mistake, right?
[They stare at each other. Dana looks down, then up again.]
Dana: If you say so.
Alice: Well, what about you, you don't have anything to say?
Dana: You're the one who kissed me first.
Alice: (chuckling) I do remember you kissing me back.
Dana: (a beat) After you started it.
[Alice looks down shyly.]
Alice: So if I was to kiss you again?
[Dana looks nervous. Alice leans in. They start to kiss hungrily.]
INT. - THE PLANET - DAY
[Alice steps out of the bathroom and walks quickly back to the table, straightening her clothes.]
Tonya: (to Shane) Oh. You know. Oh... Alice will know.
[Alice sits down at the table.]
Tonya: Alice, Al, what's the uh... booking agency. Not Smash Box, but, you know.
[Alice picks up her knitting.]
Alice: Uh, Fred Segal Hair and Makeup?
Shane: Tonya, listen, it's cool. Alright. The agency is fine. They got me a job.
Tina: Who's the client?
Shane: Um. (thinks) Ariana, someone.
Tonya: (shocked) Ariana Huffington?
Shane: Yeah. She um... she wrote a book. She's doing a book tour, and she's doing all these TV talk shows.
Tonya: David Letterman, Jay Leno, Bill O'Reilly? C'mon!
Alice: (to Shane) Ariana Huffington is fifty. She's not really your type. She's kinda fancy.
Shane: I'm doing her hair, Al, I'm not gonna f*ck her.
Alice: Oh, okay. 'Cause the old Shane would.
Shane: Huh.
[Dana comes back to the table and sits down.]
Shane: Well in that case, if she's hot...
[Alice and Dana stare at each other.]
Tonya: (to Dana) Honey, Shane is doing Ariana Huffington.
Dana: You're doing Ariana Huffington? She's fifty, Shane!
Shane: Her hair.
Dana: Ah.
Tina: Look, it's great, Shane. If things go well with Ariana Huffington, then... maybe you can get some film clients. You could go on location, you could travel...
Shane: Yeah, that'd be cool.
Tina: Yeah. That's great. I gotta go, you guys.
[Tina goes to pick up her coffee cup and stand. When she looks up, Bette is walking to the table, a forlorn expression on her face. Everyone looks at her.]
Bette: Don't worry, I'm not going to ask to join you. I know that you all probably think that I'm a monster. I just - I have something that I need to say to Tina.
[Shane starts to stand up.]
Shane: Do you want us to go?
[Tina puts a hand on Shane's arm.]
Tina: No. (to Bette) If you have something to say, say it here.
[Everyone looks a little uncomfortable.]
Bette: Tina... I didn't try to... see you, or... call you until now because I wanted to make sure... that I could do what you asked of me.
[Tina listens.]
Bette: I promise. (voice wavering) I am not going to ever see her again, I am not ever going to speak to her again, I am not ever going to think about her again.
[Tina doesn't respond. Bette is near tears.]
Bette: I miss you. More than that, I need you. And I don't think that I can... I don't think that I can live without you.
[Bette waits for a response. Tina still says nothing.]
Bette: It is completely and totally over.
[Shane looks up at Bette. Alice and Dana look at each other. Tonya looks down her nose.]
Tina: When did you end it?
Bette: This morning, and I told her that you were the love of my life and that I didn't know what I was doing and that I must've gone temporarily insane.
[Tina looks a little angry.]
Tina: Did you tell her in person? Or on the phone.
Bette: Why does that matter?
Tina: Because I drove by the house at 2:00 AM. And your car wasn't there. (shouting) Did youfuck all night before you told her I was the love of your life this morning?!
[Tina immediately grabs the table and flips it over. Bette jumps back. Everybody nearby looks at them. Alice tries to comfort Tina; Tina throws her off and gets up to walk away. Bette stands there, watching her go.]
[Tonya stands and stares in shock, her white skirt covered in coffee.]
Tonya: (gasps)
INT. - IVAN'S GARAGE, BEST PICTURE CARS - DAY
[Several mechanics, male and female, work on vintage automobiles.]
EXT. - BEST PICTURE CARS - DAY
[Ivan walks with Kit amongst the vintage autos parked outside.]
Ivan: So rentals is the cash cow of the business, but my real love is picture cars.
Kit: Picture cars.
Ivan: Yeah. For the movies?
Kit: Oh, yeah.
Ivan: A director will come in and tell me he wants to put Billy Bob in the exact, souped-up, Hemi under-glass Bob Riggle drove in the stock car races in Jersey when he was a kid, you know? He'll want the slicks, and the scoops, and the Pink Panther flames, exactly like he remembers it in his head.
Kit: (chuckling) Ivan, you are speaking a foreign language to me. And you know what that does to a girl.
[They stop. Ivan smiles.]
Ivan: Let's go inside, I got something I wanna show ya. C'mon.
INT. - BEST PICTURE CARS - IVAN'S OFFICE - DAY
[Ivan and Kit walk up the stairs to a modest office above the garage. The office is furnished with vintage auto parts, bookcases, trophies, framed pictures of cars and old car ads, 1950s calendar girl pin-ups, retro office furniture.]
Ivan: By driving into the wall at a hotel parking garage? Doesn't sound like a very serious suicide attempt to me.
Kit: Well, that's the talk at The Planet. You know, I feel so bad, because... I didn't know she was hurting that much.
[Ivan sits on the edge of his desk.]
Kit: I know. Let go, and let God.
[Kit spots a framed newspaper article sitting on Ivan's desk. She reads the title.]
Kit: Oh... "Ivan Aycock: vintage restorer to the stars". That's the bomb! I had no idea.
[Ivan smiles. Kit looks around, nodding.]
Kit: This is your office.
Ivan: Look, I invited you here because I have a little present for you.
[Kit takes a seat in a nearby chair. Ivan reaches into a desk drawer behind himself, and produces a small, rectangular jewelry box.]
Kit: Oh, Ivan, I - can't.
Ivan: (smiling) It's not what you think. Open it.
[Kit takes the box and opens the lid. She pulls out a set of keys.]
Kit: Okay?
[Ivan grins and takes the keys.]
Ivan: This is a key to my apartment. I live two blocks from The Planet. I just want you to feel free to stop by anytime you need a break from work.
Kit: Oh... I mean, it's not a done deal yet. I still have to go to the bank tomorrow, and have my meeting, and then I have a lot to work on with Marina's family. Her mom was some kinda damn contessa.
Ivan: (smiling) She may be a contessa. But as far as I'm concerned... Kit, you're a queen. Don't you forget it.
[Ivan holds the keys out. Kit reluctantly takes them. There's an extra key on the ring. She holds it up.]
Kit: What's this one for?
[Ivan grins, and walks to the large window on the other side of his office. He opens the blinds and looks down at something outside. Kit walks over.]
Kit: (gasps) That looks like my car.
[Outside in the lot sits Kit's car - what once was an old bombed-out green Chevy is now shiny and restored like new.]
Kit: Sorta.
Ivan: I did a little work on it.
Kit: A little! Ah!
Ivan: A little restoration to help you celebrate getting your license restored.
Kit: No one's ever done anything like that for me. I don't know how to thank you.
[Kit steps closer to Ivan. They're about to kiss. Ivan puts a hand on Kit's shoulder.]
Ivan: Not yet.
Kit: Why?
Ivan: Because you're not sure. And I want you... to be sure. C'mon, gorgeous. Let's go take it for a spin. C'mon.
[Kit and Ivan walk back downstairs, out to the car. Kit runs out to it and touches it. She leans back against it and smiles.]
Kit: Oooh, yes.
[Ivan opens the driver's door for her. Kit gets in. Ivan goes to the other side and gets in.]
Kit: Ah, it looks fabulous.
[SCENE_BREAK]
EXT. - TIM'S HOUSE - DAY
[Tim is packing a moving truck. He carries empty boxes from the truck to the back porch of the house. Jenny sits on the stoop nearby.]
Jenny: Wow. So, Oberlin's supposed to be a really great school.
Tim: Yeah, it's a great team.
Jenny: (sing-song) Coach Haspel!
Tim: You know, they want me there a week from Monday, so I figure I'd give myself five days to drive to Ohio.
Jenny: Right. Hey. Are you still gonna get your teaching certificate?
Tim: Maybe. You find an apartment yet?
Jenny: No. It's so depressing, Tim.
Tim: You should stay here. Take over the lease.
Jenny: Oh, no. Can't afford the rent on this house.
Tim: What about your new job?
Jenny: Um, waitresses at Hank 59 do not get paid that much.
Tim: Think about it. You know the rent's all paid through the end of the month.
Jenny: Are you serious? You'd actually let me stay here?
[Tim closes the loading door on the truck.]
Tim: Yeah, what? I'm gonna kick you out on principle?
[Tim walks over to Jenny.]
Jenny: Are you serious, Tim? That would be amazing. Thing is, I just... I need to focus right now, 'cause I'm just, like... and, okay. Charlotte Birch is teaching this master class at C.U. and I'm just trying to get in, you know. Whatever, I'm just having the worst time with my writing, I'm just... (shrugs) I don't know, I'm just feeling kinda blocked.
[Tim walks back into the house.]
INT. - GARAGE STUDIO - DAY
[Jenny sits on the bed in the corner, with her laptop, typing. She stops and reads aloud what she's written.]
Jenny: (reading) "How every time one person has s*x with another person, each of their previous sexual encounters is evoked. How that links us all into an infinite network of human connections." (thinks, then reads again) "Each of their previous sexual encounters is evoked. How that links us into an infinite network of human connections."
[Closeup of the laptop screen. The cursor sits at the end of "connections". Jenny sits for a moment, tapping her finger on the laptop. After a moment, she leans in and begins typing again.]
Jenny: (voice over) "What Jane understood was that her parents were fighting again."
JENNY'S DAYDREAM -
[Night. A large, green field. In the distance are the bright lights of a ferris wheel and a carnival. A little girl sits on a blanket in the field between a man and a woman, who are standing. The man is shouting and pointing at the woman angrily, but we can't hear what he says. The woman, who looks like Robin, is upset.]
Jenny: (voice over) "Their human connection, tenuous the night before, now wearing dangerously thin.
[The man walks away.]
Little girl: Don't leave.
[The man stops and turns. It's Tim.]
INT. - GARAGE STUDIO - DAY
[Jenny types on her laptop.]
EXT. - BETTE'S HOUSE - POOLSIDE - NIGHT
[Bette sits in a lounger, nursing a glass of wine, staring at the pool. She takes a drink. Behind her, Tim walks up from his moving van. He has empty boxes in his hands.]
Tim: Hey.
[Bette doesn't respond.]
Tim: Hey, Bette.
[Bette continues to stare at the pool.]
Bette: Hi, Tim.
Tim: (a beat) I just, uh, wanna say goodbye.
Bette: (a little tipsy) Oh, yeah, you going somewhere?
Tim: Ohio.
Bette: Ohio. Really. For how long?
Tim: I took a job there. I'm leaving the day after tomorrow.
[Bette doesn't respond.]
Tim: So. Good luck.
[Tim starts to walk away. Bette turns.]
Bette: sh1t, wai- Tim... (getting up) I'm sorry. I didn't know you were moving away.
Tim: Don't worry about it, it's fine.
[Bette walks over to where he's standing and sits down on the steps.]
Bette: You - wait - you're moving to Ohio for good?
Tim: I don't - I don't know if it's for good but... (shrugs) yeah. Look, uh... I just... I'm glad I got to know you.
Bette: (smiles) Well I'm glad I got to know you too, Tim.
[They smile at each other.]
Bette: I'll miss you.
Tim: (chuckles) Who knows, maybe some other poor sucker will move in here with his sexually confused girlfriend, and you can introduce one of your predatory friends and she can seduce her, and his whole life can fall apart.
Bette: You know she tried to kill herself. She tried to drive her car off the PCH or something.
Tim: Marina?
Bette: I mean I can't blame you if you're, you know, not sorry for her.
Tim: No, I mean... I wouldn't wish that on anyone. You just - you never expect your life to throw you so totally off plan. You know what I mean?
Bette: Yeah, I think I do.
[Bette takes a drink of her wine.]
Tim: Is Tina around? I'd really like to say goodbye to her.
Bette: No. She's not here.
Tim: Well... if I don't see her, could you tell her I said goodbye?
Bette: (smiles) Yeah, sure.
[Tim starts to walk away. Bette gets up, still clutching her wine glass.]
Bette: Hey.
[They shake hands. Bette pulls him into an embrace. They hug for a moment, then Tim picks his boxes up and walks off. Bette turns and goes to sit back down by the pool.]
INT. - GARAGE STUDIO - NIGHT
[Jenny is looking through her mail. She pulls an envelope out of the stack, opens it, and reads it. It's from Partridge Gill Publishing. It reads in part: "Dear Ms. Schecter, We regret to inform you that your manuscript was not selected for publication... note that this does not reflect upon you as a writer, but upon Partridge..."]
[Jenny walks over to the window, where she has several other rejection letters pinned up. She pins it up with them, then sits back down at her desk and stacks her bills.]
EXT. - A HOLLYWOOD LOT - DAY
[Rock music plays. Several people, some in costume, walk around. Shane walks by a building marked "Stage 5". She reads something in her hand.]
INT. - DRESSING ROOM - DAY
[Ariana Huffington sits in a chair in front of a mirror. Shane stands at the counter top, getting her hairdressing gear out. A woman touches up Ariana's makeup and leaves. Shane smiles at Ariana in the mirror.]
Shane: Hey.
Ariana: Hey.
Shane: (smiles) I'm Shane.
Ariana: (extending hand) Hi, Shane, I'm Ariana.
[Shane turns and they shake hands.]
Shane: Hey, Ariana.
Ariana: I like what you're wearing.
Shane: Thank you.
[Note: Shane is wearing glasses, a silver necklace, a white shirt with the collar turned up, jeans, and a black tuxedo jacket.]
Ariana: Who do you dress for?
Shane: Uh... (chuckles) Um... myself. And the girlies sometimes, but mostly me.
Ariana: So, you're gay?
Shane: Totally. (nods) Yes.
Ariana: You know, I was at a dinner the other night...
[Shane leans against the counter.]
Ariana: ... and someone said that dykes are the new fags. What do you think about that?
[Shane leans forward, thinks about it.]
Shane: (smiles) I think people like to categorize things too much.
[Ariana smiles and nods. Shane goes to stand behind her and starts combing through her hair.]
Shane: So what's your book about?
Ariana: This country, politics...
Shane: Yeah?
Ariana: ... my ideas about how to make the world better.
Shane: (smiling) Good for you.
Ariana: What about you, Shane? What do you want?
Shane: Um... (chuckling) well, I haven't really thought about it. Um.
Ariana: What about love?
Shane: No. Love's a bitch. I'd rather just have a good time and move on.
[Ariana smiles and nods. A young woman, Carmen, walks in, carrying a tray full of cups.]
Carmen: Alright, Miss Huffington, here's your soy latte.
[Carmen sets one of the cups down on the counter. She smiles at Shane.]
Carmen: Um. Can I get you anything?
[Shane stares at Carmen, still working on Ariana's hair. Ariana smiles at Shane in the mirror.]
Shane: (shakes head) No. Thank you.
Carmen: Just let me know if you change your mind. Um, I'm Carmen.
Shane: (nods, smiles) Hey Carmen.
Carmen: Hey.
Shane: (smiles) I'm Shane.
[Carmen giggles and quickly walks off. Shane and Ariana watch her go.]
Shane: See ya.
INT. - LARGE HALLWAY ON SET - DAY
[Shane follows Ariana and her makeup artist to the set. Halfway there, they run into Carmen, who's pushing a huge cart overflowing with videotapes. She nearly runs into Shane.]
Carmen: Hey. (giggles) Sorry.
Shane: (smiling) Hi.
[Carmen pushes the cart down the hallway. Shane smiles as she watches her. Ariana steps up to Shane.]
Ariana: Don't worry, I'll be fine.
Shane: (still watching Carmen) But I should... be here for you.
Ariana: (smiling) Go.
[Shane looks at Ariana. Ariana smiles and nods. Shane grins, and heads off to catch up with Carmen.]
INT. - HALLWAY - DAY
[Carmen pushes the cart through a set of doors, into another hallway. Shane walks next to her, carrying an armful of the videotapes.]
Carmen: So anyway. This is my day job. Um... last week I PA'd at a Fischerspooner video.
Shane: Cool.
Carmen: I know. I DJ, too, I do Little Temple on Fridays and then I do a night of old school, body wave and electro at MRX every other Wednesday.
Shane: Very cool.
[They look at each other as they walk.]
Carmen: (laughs) So what about you, what do you do when you're not doing hair?
[Carmen stops at a door. Shane laughs.]
Shane: What do I do... nothin' much. Hang out.
Carmen: Yeah.
Shane: Whatever..
[Shane sets the videos she was carrying on the cart.]
Carmen: Oh, yeah. Yeah. Okay. Got it.
Voice over P.A.: We need final touches on Miss Huffington.
[Carmen giggles.]
Shane: Catch ya later.
Carmen: Alright.
[Shane turns and slowly walks back down the hallway. Carmen thinks a moment, then grabs a CD from the cart.]
Carmen: Hey Shane?
[Shane turns.]
Carmen: Um... do you wanna listen to something really cool?
INT. - AUDIO BOOTH - DAY
[A drum and bass techno remix of the L Word theme plays loudly over the studio monitors. Shane leans against the soundboard. Carmen works the controls, pressing a pair of headphones to one ear.]
Carmen: So I heard this mix at The Knitting Factory last weekend. I mean this is... (laughs) this is exactly where I wanna be in like 5 years from now.
Shane: (smiling) I like a girl with ambition.
Carmen: (laughing) f*ck you!
[Shane laughs.]
Shane: Okay. If you want.
[Carmen looks at Shane. Shane shrugs, smiling a little. Carmen smiles, puts the headphones down and kisses her.]
[The music plays loudly. The words echo on the track in time with the beat: "kissing... f*cking... girls... the way that we live."]
[They kiss passionately. Shane boosts Carmen onto the soundboard, still kissing. She removes her jacket and takes her glasses off.]
[Camera shot of the studio monitor throbbing with the beat.]
[Shane pulls Carmen's shirt over her head; Carmen has black tribal tattoos on her shoulders. They kiss again. Shane unbuttons Carmen's jeans, and finds more tattoos around her hips. She stops and looks at them.]
Shane: Wow. Where does this lead?
Carmen: Oh. It was from my father. I never met him, but...
[Shane turns Carmen around. The tattoos circle Carmen's waist and terminate at her back in opposing dragon heads.]
Carmen: ... supposedly he was some kind of Mayan medicine man.
[The music slows. Shane kisses Carmen's back.]
Shane: How come you never met him?
Carmen: He died in a motorcycle crash before I was born.
[The music picks up again. Shane kisses her shoulder. Carmen turns around, and they start to kiss. Shane boosts her back up onto the soundboard and kisses down her body.]
INT. - PRODUCTION BOOTH - DAY
[The production crew await the start of the show. A woman wearing a headset mic walks out of the room.]
Woman: (mad) Look, I don't want any talking in here alright? (into headset) what is going on? Could someone get me a 20 on Shane? Bob, go to 2 for me. Yeah, well that's because I called final touches five minutes ago, so where's hair?!
INT. - AUDIO BOOTH - DAY
[The music blasts from the monitors. Shane kisses down Carmen's body.]
INT. - CAC MEETING ROOM - DAY
[Bette sits at the table with a young man who's doing a presentation from his laptop. He presses a key and on a flatscreen monitor on the opposite wall, a painting comes up.]
Man: He'll do a large-scale painting for one of the lobby walls, based on Japanese anime. It's an illicit exterior...
[He looks nervously at Bette. She's clearly frustrated, resting her head against her hand as she flips through a booklet. She's not even looking at the presentation.]
Bette: (irritated) Go on, I'm listening! I'm listening.
Man: An a illicit exterior installation, uh, just below the Sawtelle-405 freeway overpass -
[Bette looks at the presentation.]
Bette: You know I saw Noble's performance piece where he crawled naked across a table, ranting about his weakness and perfidy. Who do you think is gonna fund that?
Man: (nodding) Oh, I applied to the Ahmanson Foundation.
Bette: Never gonna happen, they're way too conservative.
[The man nods and stares at his laptop. Bette goes back to the booklet. James walks in. He puts a note in front of her that reads: "Candace Jewell on the phone."]
Bette: (loudly) No!
James: (whispers) This is like the fifth time she's called.
Bette: (angry) You tell her to f*cking stop calling.
[James walks away. Bette sighs. She speaks to the man again, in a calm voice.]
Bette: Apply to the Peabody Foundation, they might fund a Noble project.
[Bette sighs and stares up at the monitor.]
INT. - HANK'S DINER - DAY
[Jenny, in an orange waitress uniform, walks with another waitress from the back.]
Waitress: Okay, so you do number three, and I will take two and five, okay?
Jenny: Okay.
Waitress: Are you okay with that?
Jenny: (smiles) Yes.
[Jenny walks up to customers at a table.]
Jenny: Hello, how are you? May I um, please take your order?
Customer: Uh, we have a few questions, are the burgers made with New Zealand or American beef?
[Robin walks into the diner.]
Customer: I'd like to substitute feta cheese for the American cheese...
[Jenny sees Robin and waves. Robin sits at a table near the front.]
Customer: ... and mixed greens for the fries.
Jenny: (to customers) Um, will you please excuse me for a second? I will be right back.
[Jenny walks over to Robin.]
Customer: We'd like to order.
Jenny: Okay. (to Robin, smiling) Hi. What's going on?
Robin: Uh, I just wanted to make sure you're okay.
Jenny: I'm okay. I mean, I'm gonna be a shitty waitress, but... I'm okay, ya know.
Robin: You haven't heard, obviously.
Jenny: Haven't heard what?
Robin: (hesitating) Marina tried to commit suicide.
[Jenny stares blankly, then starts to shake her head.]
Robin: Yeah. She checked into the Bel Air Hotel. The Presidential Suite.
Jenny: You said she tried, she didn't... kill herself?
Robin: No, apparently, uh... the people across the hall heard shouting, they thought a woman was getting hurt so they called the front desk. The bell boy, um...
[Jenny looks flushed, near tears.]
Robin: ... found Marina alone in the room, with like 3 bottle of pills, totally out of her skull.
Jenny: (sadly) Oh, poor Marina.
Robin: They called me. (scoffs) I don't know why, I guess my number was in her purse. I managed to find her mother, I remembered Marina telling me me she lives in Umbria, so...
Jenny: (nods) In a villa.
[Jenny looks down, sadly.]
Robin: Jen, I feel like maybe I shouldn't say this, but... when I got to the hospital... (hesitates) she was calling your name.
[After a moment, Jenny turns and walks away.]
Customer: (snobby) Miss! We'd like to order.
EXT. - RODEO DRIVE - DAY
[Tonya are walking down the sidewalk, holding hands. There are lots of stores on either side of the street and shoppers walking around.]
Tonya: Pookie, you won't believe this!
[Tonya pulls her toward a store window.]
Dana: Whoa.
Tonya: Look at this.
Dana: (points) That?
Tonya: Isn't this beautiful?
[Dana leans closer to the window.]
Dana: (reading) The Jura Capresso S8 Espresso Coffee Maker?
[We see an overgrown espresso maker sitting in the window, along with a price tag.]
Dana: (shocked) One thousand, nine hundred ninety-nine dollars? Tonya! We can't register for that!
Tonya: Well Da - (flustered)... a few people might chip in together.
[Dana looks at her and scoffs.]
Tonya: Dana, do not second-guess the generosity of our friends.
[Dana looks at the espresso maker. Tonya looks at her watch.]
Tonya: Now, look, I wanna show you something at Geary's.
[Tonya walks off. Dana crinkles her face up at the espresso maker, then follows. Her cell phone rings. Dana looks at the caller ID then answers it.]
Dana: (phone) Hello!
INT. - ALICE'S LIVING ROOM - DAY
Dana: (off screen) (phone) This is Dana Fairbanks.
[Alice is sitting in her living room with her knitting group. She gets up when Dana answers.]
Alice: (phone) Hi! Yeah, hi! Um... I - I think we should talk.
EXT. - RODEO DRIVE - DAY
Dana: (phone) Uh-huh... (to Tonya) It's Robbie, my old - tennis partner before Harrison...
Plan: A: Five months later; Q: When does Bette beg Tina for forgiveness? A: Bette; Q: Who begs Tina for forgiveness? A: Tina; Q: Who is pregnant again? A: Candace; Q: Who did Bette have an affair with? A: their romantic tryst; Q: What are Alice and Dana hiding from their friends? A: Jenny; Q: Who is having writer's block? A: an emotional goodbye; Q: What does Jenny say to Tim? A: Tim; Q: Who is leaving town for a job in Ohio? A: Shane; Q: Who lands a new lover? A: a part-time DJ; Q: What is Carmen's occupation? A: Carmen de la Pica Morales; Q: What is the name of Shane's new lover? A: Sarah Shahi; Q: Who plays Carmen de la Pica Morales? A: hairstyling; Q: What is Shane doing at the movie studio? A: her attempted suicide; Q: What did Marina do after her nervous breakdown? A: The Planet; Q: What does Kit buy? A: mixed feelings; Q: What does Kit have over hanging out with Ivan? Summary: Five months later. Bette desperately begs for forgiveness from Tina over her affair with Candace. But Tina is revealed to be hiding a shocking secret from her friends that she happens to be pregnant again. Alice and Dana continue to hide their romantic tryst from the others, including Tonya. Jenny finds herself with writer's block and saying an emotional goodbye to Tim as he prepares to leave town for a job in Ohio. Shane lands a new lover, a part-time DJ named Carmen de la Pica Morales ( Sarah Shahi ), whom she meets at a movie studio while doing hairstyling. With Marina gone after learning of her nervous breakdown and her attempted suicide, Kit decides to buy The Planet and continues to have mixed feelings over hanging out with Ivan ( Kelly Lynch ).