Scene 1 -- The Old Compton House -- Sookie is standing on the porch. A woman vampire (Diane) and a male vampire (Malcolm) are standing in the doorway, showing their fangs and snarling at Sookie. There's a bald, tattooed vampire (Liam) standing behind Sookie doing the same thing.
Malcolm (speaking slowly): Maybe you ought to come on inside.
Sookie: Are you trying to glamour me?
Malcolm: Yes!
Sookie: That doesn't work on me.
Liam: Why not?
Sookie: I don't know. It just doesn't. Is Bill available?
Bill (not seen): Let her in.
(Diane and Malcolm block Sookie's way and stare at her menacingly.)
Bill (not seen): Diane! Let her in.
Diane (sighs): Oh, <snip> him.
Malcolm: You have.
(Diane and Malcolm draw apart, leaving a passageway between them for Sookie to enter the house. Sookie slowly walks by them and into the living room. There's a young man (Jerry), seated on one of the sofas and a woman (Janella), laying on the other sofa. Bill is seated in a corner of the room facing Sookie. The other three vampires follow Sookie into the room.)
Sookie (to the three vampires): If y'all excuse me and Bill a minute, we have some business to attend to.
Diane (to Bill about Sookie): Where'd you find this?
Liam: Damn. She smells <snip> sweet!
Malcolm: And to think just five minutes ago you were telling us how you were living mainly on synthetic blood. You big poseur.
Diane: I don't know, Malcolm. She looks like a virgin to me.
Sookie: That's none of your damn business, you nosy bitch!
Diane: It is my business, cupcake. You wanna know why? Because virgin blood ... is the best-tasting blood ... there is. Well, second best. The best would be...
Liam: Baby's blood.
(Fast as lightning, Liam grabs Sookie and draws her close to him.)
Liam: I get <snip> just thinking about it.
(Liam pushes Sookie's head to one side, exposing her neck.)
Liam: Ladies first.
(As Diane draws near to Sookie's throat, Bill quickly gets up out of the chair.)
Bill: Stop! Sookie is mine.
Cut to opening credits to the tune of "Bad Things" by Jace Everett
Scene 1 continued
Malcolm: Well! If you're Bill's, I certainly don't want to do anything to disturb your little arrangement. That's why I always bring Jerry with me ... wherever I go. He's like mad money.
Liam: Somebody needs to get down on <snip>.
(As Malcolm and Diane sit down on the sofa near Jerry, Janella gets up and crosses over to Liam.)
Diane (laughing and looking at Sookie): Aw ... She's innocent.
Bill: She's mine.
Diane: Yeah, yeah, we got it.
Diane (to Sookie): So, why aren't you over there taking care of your master, human? Can't you see how hungry he is?
Malcolm: Uh ... Bill, if you're hungry you're more than welcome to have some of Jerry.
(Jerry gets up and crosses over to the opposite sofa and sits down in front of Bill. Jerry bends his head and exposes his neck for Bill.)
Liam (not seen): Come on, <snip> it.
(Bill stares at Jerry's neck. Then, glancing at Sookie, Bill's fangs descend. Bill struggles to resist but finds he cannot. He starts to draw close to Jerry's neck.)
Jerry (thinking): Stick them in already! Get infected, you <snip> vampire <snip>! Come on, do it! Let's see how you like hep D. You <snip> ain't be able to move for like a year.
Sookie: Stop, he has hep D!
(The room is suddenly quiet as everyone looks at Sookie.)
Sookie: What is hep D?
(Jerry gets up and rushes at Sookie. He grabs her around the throat and starts choking her!)
Jerry (thinking): <snip> bitch! How does she know?! There's no way! I didn't tell a soul ...
Jerry (speaking): These <snip> killed Marcus!
Jerry (thinking): If he hadn't gotten hooked on V, he never would have left me. We would've been...
(Suddenly, Bill grabs Jerry's arm, forcing him away from Sookie. With one swift movement, Bill breaks Jerry's arm and propels him across the room back to the sofa. Malcolm quickly crosses over to Jerry as Bill kneels down next to Sookie and gently cradles her head with his hands.)
Malcolm: Well, this has all been very ... illuminating. But we've got a long ride back to Monroe, and I'm sure we'll all wanna have a little talk with Jerry ... when he wakes up.
(Malcolm grabs Jerry and throws him over his shoulder.)
Liam: Out, Janella. We're being evicted.
Diane: Hey! ... Isn't anyone even the slightest bit interested in how this little bitch knew about Jerry?
Bill (to Sookie): You can't speak yet, can you, sweetheart?
(Diane quickly moves over to Sookie and stares into her face.)
Diane: I could make her talk.
Bill: Diane ... You forget.
Diane: Yeah, yeah ... She's yours. Whatever.
Malcolm: Jerry, you stupid bitch. Nobody <snip> with me and gets away with it.
(The three vampires exit, Jerry slung over Malcolm's shoulder and Janella walking with Liam. Bill gently raises Sookie into a sitting position. She quickly turns her back on him. Bill slowly gets up and walks across the room.)
Bill: I'm sorry you had to witness that. Their visit was unexpected.
Sookie: What's hep D?
Bill: Hepatitis D is the only blood-borne pathogen to which we are susceptible. Malcolm must be furious.
Sookie: Hepatitis?
Bill: A mutation. Relatively harmless to humans, oddly enough.
Sookie: I've never even heard of it.
Bill: That's because we've kept it out of the media.
Sookie: And it makes you sick for a year?
Bill: No ... just makes us weak for about a month or so. The biggest danger to us from hep D is being captured and staked during that time.
Sookie: Yeah ... you don't want your weaknesses to be public knowledge.
Bill: Precisely.
Sookie: And what the hell did you mean, "Sookie is mine"?!
Bill: I was communicating to the others that you were my human, and therefore I was the only one who could feed on you.
Sookie: You most certainly cannot feed on me!
Bill: Of course I can't, Sookie! But had they known that, they'd have considered you fair game, and I wouldn't have been able to stop them from attacking you. It'd be three against one, and Malcolm is much older than I am and quite strong.
Sookie: And you and Diane dated?
Bill: We... had s*x once ... just after she was made a vampire, back in the late 1930s.
Sookie: What? Gross. Bill ... she's so ... they're all so mean ... so...
Bill: Evil. Yes, they are. They share a nest -- and when vampires live in nests they become more cruel, more vicious. They become laws unto themselves. Whereas vampires such as I, who live alone, much more likely to hang onto some semblance of our former humanity.
Sookie: Here. Contact info for two electrical contractors. They're willing to come out at night and give you quotes.
Bill: Thank you.
Sookie: I have to go.
Bill: May I kiss you goodnight?
Sookie: No! I couldn't stand it after them.
(Bill stares after Sookie as she leaves the house.)
Scene 2 -- Merlotte's Bar and Grill -- Sam and Tara are cleaning up after hours. Sam carries a case of beer to the refrigerator behind the bar and starts stocking it. Tara stands at the bar cleaning glasses.
Sam: Why you still here?
Tara: I don't wanna go home.
Sam: OK.
(Dawn walks by on her way out the door.)
Dawn: Night, y'all.
Sam: Night, Dawn.
Tara: Night.
Tara (to Sam): Can I have one of those?
Sam: Uh ... I guess ... long as you're not on the clock.
(Sam grabs two beers, hands one to Tara and after setting his aside, goes back to stocking the refrigerator.)
Tara: Sam, you think Sookie's gettin' serious about that vampire?
Sam: I think she's gettin' to know him. And once she does, I don't think she'll be gettin' too serious about him.
Tara: I think he's gettin' pretty damn serious about her.
(Sam quickly looks over at Tara.)
Sam: How so?
Tara: I was over at the Stackhouses' last night. He came over to call on Sookie ... all cleaned up and smellin' nice ... lookin' like he just stepped out of some piece of <snip> movie about plantations and <snip>. Do you know he actually owned slaves? Least he could've done was apologize to me.
Sam: How did Miss Stackhouse seem to feel about a vampire being in her house, interested in her granddaughter?
Tara: Sam, she seemed like she was in seventh heaven. It was <snip> weird.
(Sam sighs and then returns his attention to stocking the refrigerator.)
Tara: You know you don't have anybody to blame but yourself. It's obvious you're carrying a big one for Sookie. I've known it ever since I met you.
Sam: That's really not any of your business, now, is it?
Tara: She's always been ... well ... peculiar around men. I mean, she's not gonna make the first move.
Sam: Do I have to remind you that I'm your boss?
Tara: Oh come on, Sam! Don't even try to pull any of that "workin' for the man" <snip> with me. You should've said somethin', and you know it. How come you never have?
Sam: How come you never said anything to Jason?
Tara: Because I'm comfortable with him being right where he is, which is unattainable. Which is part of my whole <snip> thing -- low self-esteem, childhood trauma, blah-blah, snore. What's your excuse?
Sam: You know ... not everybody likes to lay their guts out on the table like that, Tara.
Tara: Yeah, they might not like it, but they all dream about finding somebody they can do it with.
Sam (sighs) : You know, the funny thing is? I kind of did let Sookie know for the first time night before last ... not even a minute before that vampire walked through my front door.
Tara: Well, if I were you, I would get in there right now while you still got a shot.
Sam: No, you wouldn't. You just said so yourself.
(Tara and Sam each take a drink of their beers. Sam thinks for a minute and then looks back at Tara.)
Sam: She can't hear his thoughts.
Tara: For real?! Well hell, that explains everything.
Sam: I told her she can listen to my thoughts whenever she wanted to.
Tara: No, see, she doesn't wanna listen to any body's thoughts. She wants to not hear 'em. But that requires constant work on her part. And now she's met somebody and she can drop all that effort and just relax... Oh, man, you don't stand a chance. I'm really sorry, but you don't.
Sam: You know, you can go home anytime you want, Tara.
Tara: No, I can't. Really.
Scene 3 -- Dawn arrives home after work. She laughs as she hurries into the house thinking of Jason tied to the headboard of the bed. Arriving at the bedroom, she flips the light on -- smile fading as she stares at the empty bed. Suddenly, someone attacks her from behind and wraps an arm around her neck! Attacker(wearing a hood -- voice low and menacing): You kept me waiting.
Dawn (as she struggles): Oh, God.
Attacker : I don't like to wait. I need to taste you again.
(Dawn continues to struggle but she doesn't appear as frightened any more.)
Dawn: Come on, Jason.
Attacker: I probably should've told you I've got a highly addictive nature. I'm ... I'm gonna get some more of that sweet stuff out of you. I guess you don't have too much of a problem with that.
(The attacker throws Dawn on the bed and looms over her. Dawn is struggling and the fear has returned.)
Attacker: Don't fight me. Because I will hurt you. What are you to me? Just another idiot <snip> who puts out for vampires. Here we go. I know you liked it.
(Dawn raises up but the attacker pushes her back down.)
Attacker: Slow down. I'm in no hurry. I just drained that poor <snip> you left tied up to the bed. Very considerate of you, by the way.
Dawn: Oh, God! Where is he? Oh, no!
(Dawn starts screaming again and renews her frantic struggle.)
Attacker: Which part of him?
Dawn: This isn't happening! This isn't happening!
Attacker: What do you expect me to do? You lay him out like an all-you-can-eat buffet ... although he did put up quite a fight.
(Dawn desperately reaches for something on the nightstand. While her back is turned, the attacker rips his hood off -- revealing Jason! He flips her back around. Dawn screams and then grows quiet as she sees Jason's face. Jason laughs, raises up and does a few dance moves. )
Dawn (slapping Jason's face): You!
Jason (laughs): Oh yeah!
(Dawn begins to beat Jason with her fists.)
Dawn: That is not funny. That is not funny! You...
Jason: Yes! Yes! Yes!
(Jason grabs Dawn and holds her until she stops hitting him.)
Jason: Just think of it as foreplay, baby.
(Dawn slaps Jason's face twice.)
Jason: Do it again. Do it again. Give me some of that sweet stuff.
(Jason roars, Dawn starts laughing, then they fall back onto the bed.)
Scene 4 -- Gran and Sookie's house -- Sookie drives up to the house and parks. She stares at the house, takes a deep breath and wipes the tears from her eyes. Once composed, she begins to approach the porch. She glances down to put her keys away and is startled when she looks up and finds Bill standing in front of her.
Sookie: <snip> damn it, Bill! How many times do I have to tell you, do not do that?!
Bill: I'm sorry. It wasn't intentional. I just got here. I wanted to make sure that you were safe.
(Bill descends the porch steps. Then he and Sookie stare at each other in silence.)
Sookie: Why can't I hear your thoughts? Do you even have any thoughts?
Bill: Oh, I have thoughts ... many lifetimes of thoughts.
Sookie: So why can't I hear them?
Bill: I don't know. Perhaps it's 'cause I don't have brain waves.
Sookie: Why not?
Bill: Because I'm dead.
Sookie: No, you're not. You're standin' here, talkin' to me.
Bill: I have no heartbeat. I have no need to breathe. There are no electrical impulses in my body. What animates you no longer animates me.
Sookie: What does animate you, then? Blood? How do you digest it if nothing works?
Bill: Magic.
Sookie: Oh, come on, Bill! I may look naive, but I'm not! And you ... you need to remember that.
Bill: You think that it's not magic that keeps you alive? Just 'cause you understand the mechanics of how something works doesn't make it any less of a miracle, which is just another word for magic. We're all kept alive by magic, Sookie. My magic's just a little different from yours, that's all.
Sookie: I think we need to stop seein' each other.
(Sookie turns and runs up the porch steps.)
Bill: Why?!
Sookie (standing on the porch): Because you don't breathe! You don't have any electrical whatever-it-is! Your friends would like nothin' more than to rip my throat out! And because vampires killed that preacher from the Fellowship of the Sun church and his wife and baby! You look me in the eye and tell me they didn't do it!
Bill: Humans have killed millions upon millions in senseless wars. I do not hold you responsible for that.
Sookie: Bill, night before last, I had to bury my bloody clothes because I didn't want my grandmother to find out I was almost killed. And tonight, I was almost killed again! Why on earth would I continue seeing you?
(Bill walks up the steps and stands facing Sookie.)
Bill: Because you will never find a human man you can be yourself with.
(Sookie shakes her head and turns to go into the house.)
Bill (grabbing her arm): Sookie!
(Sookie pushes his hand away.)
Sookie: Do not touch me! Just go, please.
(Sookie goes into the house and closes the door.)
Scene 5 -- Sam's house trailer -- Tara is sitting on Sam's front porch. Sam exits the trailer and hands Tara a drink.
Tara: Thanks.
Sam: So... Can I ask you a personal question?
Tara: Sure.
Sam: Why is it you don't wanna go home? Tara (Tara holds up her drink): This right here. My mama's a drunk. Not just a slurs-her-words drunk, a ... waking-up-in-her-own-vomit kind of drunk.
Sam: I'm sorry.
Tara: I just can't be around her when she's gone like that.
Sam: Yeah.
Tara: I know she may end up dying ... lighting herself on fire with a lit cigarette, but ... I can't. I won't. So, see, not only is the whole situation horrible, my guilt about it just makes it that much worse.
Sam: Why don't you get your own place?
Tara: Why don't you give me a raise?
Sam: Had she ever tried AA?
Tara: She doesn't need AA, Sam. She's got Jesus.
Tara: Can I ... ask you a personal question?
Sam: Hold on.
(Sam takes a drink from his glass.)
Sam(smiling): All right.
Tara: Are you lonely?
Sam: Yes ... I am. I am very... very lonely.
Tara: How come you don't have a girlfriend? Plenty of women in this town will go for you.
Sam: I don't know if that's true.
Tara: You're hot -- you have a job -- you're not a serial killer ...
Sam (laughing): Yeah! Who could resist that?
Tara: Well ...
Sam: Why don't you have a boyfriend?
Tara: Uh ... we're not talking about me right now.
Sam: Yeah, well... I just have a hard time opening up, that's all.
Tara: Oh, please. What have you got to hide that's so <snip> bad in this <snip> town?
Sam: No, Tara. I said I have a hard time opening up, and I meant it. I'm not gonna do it.
Tara: Don't you ever get <snip>?
Sam: Sure.
Tara: How long has it been since you've had s*x?
Sam: A few months.
Tara: That sucks.
Sam: How about you?
Tara: Eight months, three weeks.
Sam: That sucks.
Tara: You don't know! Ah ... well ... well, I guess you do.
(They both laugh at that.)
Sam: Hey, you want another one?
Tara: Are you kidding? I'm an adult child of an alcoholic. I'll need at least three more.
Sam: All right. I'll be right back.
Tara: OK.
(Sam goes back into the trailer, leaving Tara alone with her thoughts. She lets her hair down and glances over at the door to the trailer. A minute later, she's opening that door and going inside.)
Tara: So maybe you and I should sleep together.
Sam (laughs): Yeah, right.
Tara: No, I mean, we're grownups ... no strings ... friends with benefits.
Sam: Tara, you're my employee.
Tara: Sam ... aren't you sick of not getting laid? I know I am.
Sam: Yeah, but that doesn't mean we ...
Tara: You have condoms?
Sam: Tara ... that's a terrible idea.
Tara: All right ... whatever! I mean, I am not lookin' for a boyfriend -- especially one who could fire me.
(Tara takes her drink from Sam and then stretches out on the sofa.)
Tara: This would strictly be a one-time deal. We never even have to mention it again.
Sam: No!
Tara: Suit yourself.
Sam (after thinking for a minute): You really think you'd be able to forget about it and not let it affect our working relationship?
Tara: I've had to do much harder things than that in my life, believe me.
Sam: Because if it got weird, I'd probably have to let you go.
Tara: Big deal! Didn't even wanna hire me in the first place.
Sam: OK.
Tara: Yeah?! Great.
(Sam puts his drink down and joins Tara on the sofa.)
Sam: You feel nice.
Tara: Yeah, I know I do.
Scene 6 -- Dawn's house -- Jason and Dawn are having s*x. At one point, Jason looks down at Dawn and imagines seeing the bald -- tattooed vampire (Liam) in her place. He closes his eyes but can't get the picture out of his head. Jason turns away from Dawn and lays down -- no longer interested in s*x.
Dawn: What's wrong? Jason, baby. What is it?
Jason: I hate that you've been with vampires.
Dawn: And how exactly is that any of your business?
Jason: They're <snip> up, Dawn. They're freaks. They're <snip> dead! What's wrong with you, letting something nasty like that even touch you?
Dawn: For your information, that was the best s*x I ever had in my life. And who are you to judge?! You <snip> anything with a space between its legs.!
Jason: You're lyin' "that was the best s*x you ever had"! You told me I was the best s*x you ever had!
Dawn: And then you stopped callin' ... and comin' to Merlotte's ... and then ... I met that vampire.
Jason: Which vampire? Bald-headed, tattoos, crazy?
Dawn(laughing): No, actually, he had a lot of hair. I met him in Shreveport at the vampire bar.
Jason: And you just let him bite you?
Dawn: Yeah, and I'm not... I'm not ashamed of that.
Jason: Yeah, you ought to be.
Dawn: You ought to get off your high horse.
Jason: Is that who you thought I was tonight? When you started rubbin' up against me like a cat in heat?
Dawn: No, baby, I knew all along it was you.
Jason: You're a lying sack of <snip>. You would <snip> that vampire and let him bite you if he showed up tonight.
Dawn: All right! Now this ... is getting boring! And I think you should leave.
Jason(laughs): And you gonna throw me out? I don't think so.
Dawn: This is my house!
Jason: And I ain't goin' nowhere.
Dawn (getting dressed): God, just because you lost your hard-on doesn't mean you have to have a <snip> meltdown! Believe it or not,Jason -- the world does not revolve around your <snip>!
Jason: Where are you goin' ?
(Dawn goes into the other room -- continuing to talk.)
Dawn: To get a cigarette! It isn't like I don't know that you're a great <snip>. It happens to every guy at some point or another.
(Jason removes his condom and throws it down toward the nightstand.)
Jason: Would you stop talking about it, please?!
(Dawn returns to the bedroom with a gun! She points it directly at Jason.)
Dawn: Every guy except for vampires.
(Jason starts laughing and points his finger at Dawn.)
Dawn: Does it look like I'm laughing?
Jason (still laughing): Ah, you should be.
(Jason pulls out some dental floss and starts flossing his teeth.)
Dawn: You do not own me, Jason Stackhouse. And if I want you out of my house, you better get your sorry ass out of here!
Jason: I ain't goin' nowhere.
Dawn: Oh, yes, you are.
(Dawn fires the gun toward the floor! Jason is startled and starts fumbling around with the blanket, trying to get up out of the bed. Gun raised and pointed toward Jason, Dawn starts walking toward the bed.)
Dawn: You are obnoxious and full of yourself and dumber than a box of hair -- and now you can't even get it up? There's no reason why I should be seeing you anymore.
Jason: You're <snip> crazy.
Dawn: You bet your sweet ass I am. Now get the <snip> out of my house!
Jason: Let me get my pants on.
Dawn: Hmm... I don't think I feel like waiting.
(Dawn fires the gun toward the floor again!)
Dawn: Get the <snip> out!
Jason: <snip> damn it, woman!
(Jason runs out of the house. Dawn comes running out after him and throws the rest of his clothes at him.)
Dawn: That's right, you get the <snip> out of my house! Limp <snip> <snip>! Why don't you go try and <snip> your grandmother with that limp <snip>!
(Dawn goes back into the house as Jason rushes back up to the porch. He stands yelling at the door.)
Jason: Bitch! I can get it up! Bitch!
(Jason starts to leave the porch when the next door neighbor -- an older woman -- comes out to see what all the noise is about.)
Jason (to the neighbor): Yeah, you heard me. Your neighbor's a crazy bitch!
(The neighbor goes back into the house and Jason gets into his truck.)
Jason: <snip> damn bloodsuckers! <snip>!
Scene 7 -- Bill Compton's house -- Bill is sitting in the living room reading a book. There are numerous kerosene lanterns lit and casting a soft glow on the room. Suddenly, feeling a presence, Bill bolts up and turns around, fangs bared.
Bill: Sookie, don't ever sneak up on a vampire. What are you doing here?
Sookie (in nightgown): All right, here's the deal ... and this is a little embarrassin'. I've never been with a man intimately, for all the reasons I told you about. But ... I feel things when I'm with you that make me think and ... I know this could be a huge mistake -- one I will regret forever ... but it feels like you're the one that I'm supposed to, you know ... do it with. And ... I'm really nervous about that ... and frankly -- I'm scared to death of you. So can we just get it out of the way already so I can relax and get a good night's sleep?
(Bill draws close to kiss Sookie.)
Sookie: Just ... just don't bite me, OK?
(Bill and Sookie slowly begin to kiss each other. Bill gently slips Sookie's nightgown off. As their passion begins to build the scene shifts to Sookie in her own bed -- dreaming. Slowly she wakes up and her eyes wander over to her cat, Tina, who is purring as she watches Sookie. Sookie, suddenly wide awake, removes her hand from under the blanket.)
Sookie (loud whisper to Tina): Stop that!
Scene 8 -- Sam Merlotte's house trailer -- A dog barks. Tara lays in the bed next to Sam, who is sleeping. Tara raises up and looks at Sam as he moans and growls in his sleep.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Scene 9 -- Jason's house -- Jason drives up and goes inside his house. After turning on the light, he tosses his clothes and keys down and then gets a beer from the refrigerator. He sits down and uses the remote to turn on the television. The first program is an old black and white horror classic and Basil Rathbone is staking a woman vampire.
Jason : You gotta be kiddin' me!
(Jason changes channels and the next program is a talk show. There are three people seated and talking to each other -- the late Reverend Newlin's son, a man in a white suit, a big-haired blond with a lot of make-up.)
Rev. Newlin's son: ... but the vampires assassinated my father, because of his campaign against the vampire agenda.
White suit guy: Theodore Newlin is a hero -- first casualty in World War III.
Big-Haired Blond: Amen.
Rev. Newlin's son: It's Armageddon.
Big-Haired Blond: Amen!
(Jason (raising his beer): Amen!)
Rev. Newlin's son: ... I intend to continue my father's work because ...
(Jason switches channels again. This program is on bats.)
Narrator: Vampire bats are bats that feed on blood, feeding on the blood of animals like cows, pigs and horses. The vampire bat requires about two tablespoons ...
Jason (turning off the TV): Damn it!
Scene 10 -- The home of vampires, Malcolm, Diane and Liam (in Monroe?). The three vampires are in the living room. There's a few lamps on and many lit candles scattered throughout on the tables.
Diane: Oh, Malcolm. Come on, baby.
Malcolm: Damn. I really liked Jerry.
Diane: Don't worry. We'll find you another hot little blood bank.
Liam: Let's go down to LSU tomorrow night and raid us a frat house.
Diane: Ooh yes! I'm in the mood for something dumb, thick and juicy.
(Someone knocks on the door. With lightning speed Malcolm gets up and opens the door. Bill Compton silently walks in.)
Liam: What luck.
Malcolm: Everyone's favorite buzz-kill.
Diane: Hey, baby.
Liam: Yo, Mr. Main Street. Thirsty?
(Liam offers Bill a glass of blood.)
Bill: No.
Diane: Hungry for something else? I remember you having a very sizable ... appetite.
(Bill throws Diane across the room! Everyone's fangs come out as she recovers and strides back to Bill.)
Bill: The three of you will stay away from me and Sookie from now on.
Malcolm: I'm your elder. You have no authority here.
Bill: There are higher authorities.
Malcolm: I'm not afraid of Eric.
Bill: Higher than him.
Malcolm: Well, then, she can speak to me.
Diane: She can suck on sunlight for all I care.
Bill: You know, you're doing nothing to help our cause.
Diane: Not everyone wants to dress up and play human, Bill.
Liam: Yeah! Not everybody wants to live off that Japanese <snip> they call blood, either -- as if we could.
Bill: We have to moderate our behavior now that we are out in the open.
Malcolm: Not everybody thinks it was such a great idea. And not everybody intends to tow the party line. Honey, if we can't kill people, what's the point of being a vampire?
Bill: Where's Jerry?
Malcolm: We left him on the side of I-20. Well, most of him, anyway. I kept a souvenir or two.
Liam: Janella felt so bad about what Jerry did, she made the ultimate sacrifice.
(Bill walks to another room. There he sees Janella, hanging upside down -- her blood dripping into a bucket beneath her.)
Bill: You know, you all make me sick.
Diane: You used to be fun. This all on account of that little blond breather?
Bill: If you insist on flaunting your ways in front of mortals, there will be consequences.
(With vampire speed, Bill exits the house, closing the door behind him.)
Malcolm: <snip>!
Scene 11 Sam's house trailer. -- It's early morning as Sam wakes up. The bed beside him is empty. Sam looks around but doesn't see Tara anywhere. Scene 12 -- Tara and Lettie Mae's home -- Tara drives up to her house and parks her car. She slips through the front door but doesn't make it all the way in, when her mother hits her over the head with a big heavy book! Tara cries out in pain and holding her head, stumbles across the room.
Lettie Mae: Where the hell you been, you dirty whore?!
Tara: Mama!
Lettie Mae: Out all night doing all kinds of God-know-what! You the devil, child! You ain't no child of mine!
(Lettie Mae takes another swing at Tara with the book, but misses when Tara avoids the blow. The force of her swing causes Lettie Mae to fall to her knees -- hands landing on the coffee table.)
Tara: Oh, Jesus!
Lettie Mae: Jesus ain't gonna help you!
Tara: Yeah, that's been clear for quite some time.
Lettie Mae: You sass the Lord and I will kick your skinny ass, you hear me?!
Tara: You can't even stand up ... you pathetic, ugly old bitch!
(Lettie Mae, now sitting on the floor, looks up at Tara, grabs her chest and begins to cry.)
Tara(softly): <snip>. Oh, mama.
(Tara goes over to help her crying mother.)
Lettie Mae: I ain't ugly!
Tara: Mama, why do you wanna do this to yourself?
Lettie Mae: If Jesus was here, he'd take one look at you and he'd apologize for giving me such a spiteful child!
Tara: You kidding? Jesus wouldn't even set foot inside this house, not with the way you smell. Now, let's just go and take a shower. OK? I'm gonna help you up.
(As Tara is helping her mother up, Lettie Mae grabs a liquor bottle and bashes it against the side of Tara's head.)
Lettie Mae (screams): Who's ugly now?!
Tara: All right. You may have carried me ... and nursed me ... but obviously you are now set on killing me! And if I'm forced to choose between you and me, guess what? You lose.
(Tara grabs her keys and starts for the door.)
Lettie Mae: You get back here! You help me up!
Tara (crying): You on your own, old woman!
Scene 13 -- Gran and Sookie's house -- Sookie is mowing the lawn.
Gran: Sookie!
(Sookie hears Gran calling her name. She stops the mower and looks over at her grandmother.)
Gran: You're gonna faint out here in this heat, honey! It's barely 9:00 and already 80 degrees. Here. I made you some lemonade. Fresh-squeezed.
Sookie: Thanks, Gran.
Gran: Goodness, what has got into you?
Sookie: I just need to stay busy right now, that's all.
Gran: What? How long have you been...
Sookie: I started uh ... when the sun came up. But I was up much earlier than that. I just stayed inside.
Gran: Are you concerned about the vampire? Sookie, has he done something untoward?
Sookie: No! No! Not at all. Well, I'm just thinking ... What I'm thinking is ... is stay away, but ... what I'm feeling... what I'm feeling ... with my whole body is ... somethin' else entirely and I don't know whether to trust my ... my head or...
Gran (nodding wisely): Heart.
Sookie: Yes.
Gran: Well, that is a dilemma. Why don't you come on inside, and let me make you something to eat? If you're gonna be out workin' like a horse, you ought to at least to have somethin' in your stomach.
Sookie: Oh no, thanks. I'm not hungry.
Gran: I didn't ask ... if you were hungry.
(Sookie looks at her grandmother and then follows her into the house. Back by an old tree, a silent collie stands and watches. After Sookie and Gran go into the house, the dogs races away.)
Scene 14 -- Lafayette's house -- Someone is banging on his front door.
Lafayette: I'm coming! Hell! Beating on my <snip> door! Damn!
(Lafayette parts the blinds and sees that it's Tara. He unlocks the door and lets her in.)
Tara: She hit me with a <snip> liquor bottle! My head is bleeding!
Lafayette: Will you stop yelling? I got a guest.
Tara: Oh, <snip>.
Lafayette: He in the shower.
Tara: Do you think I'll need stitches?
Lafayette: Let me see. No! You're gonna put some peroxide on that ... then take two Vicodin with a big glass of red wine ... then smoke some bad-ass ganja, baby. By the time you wake up... all healed. Here -- one, two.
Tara: Mind if I stay here for a while?
Lafayette: Does it matter if I'm around?
Tara: No
Lafayette: Then do you.
Tara: Damn. After, everything I've done for that woman.
Lafayette: Poor baby. Here.
(Lafayette passes a joint to Tara.)
Lafayette: Suck on this. It'll make you feel lots better.
(Lafayette's guest enters the living room. As he tucks in his shirt, he notices Tara.)
Man: Uh ... hi.
Lafayette: This is my cousin Tara. Tara, this is...
Man: Duke... Duke Smith.
Lafayette (laughing): Boyfriend, you are so not a duke.
Man: Ah ... I left the uh ... in the ... uh ...
Lafayette: Excellent ... excellent.
(The man starts to leave, but Lafayette stops him pointing at the pot Tara is smoking.)
Lafayette: For the road?
Man: All right.
(The man takes a hit and then smiles at Lafayette.)
Man: Thank you. Call me when the ... comes in.
Lafayette: I will. Ta-ta. Take care ... Duke.
(The man leaves Lafayette's house.)
Tara: What the hell was that?
Lafayette: That was a state senator.
Tara: You're a prostitute now?!
Lafayette: I'm an entrepreneur.
(Tara gives Lafayette a disbelieving look.)
Lafayette: What? I'm supposed to be satisfied being a <snip> short-order cook and workin' on the road crew? Which is basically one step from the chain gang. But I ain't complainin', baby. No I ain't, 'cause it gives me this body. And this body's gonna be my <snip> ticket out. Yes, it is! How else am I gonna get ahead in this Podunk town? Already got a website. Shows due.
Tara: What's wrong with us, Lafayette? You're a state-senator <snip> prostitute and I'm a bartender in a redneck bar who <snip> her boss ... who's in love with her best friend.
Lafayette: Here just take another hit off this. Wait a minute, you slept with Sam.
Tara: You know what? He barks in his sleep.
Lafayette: Damn, white folks just all <snip> up.
Tara: Yeah, that's what I said.
Scene 15 -- Sam Merlotte's house trailer. Sam is sitting on the front steps, reading the newspaper. A collie barks and comes running up to him.
Sam (pets dog): Hey! What's up, my brother?
Sam (reading from the paper): Aw, hell! Starbucks comin' to Marthaville. I wonder if I just break down and get a <snip> damn cappuccino machine.
(The dog starts whimpering. Sam starts petting him again.)
Sam: Hey! You know what I really wish would come to Marthaville? Huh? Buffy ... a Blade ... or any one of those bad-ass vampire killers to take care of Mr. Compton. That's what I wish. You don't care about my problems at all, do you? You just want to play. Huh? One-track mind.
(Sam grabs a ball and gets down off the steps. The dog starts barking and getting excited.)
Sam: Ready? Ready? Go! Go get it!
(Sam throws the ball and the dog takes off after it. Sam runs a few steps and watches the dog speed away.)
Scene 16 -- Gran and Sookie's house. -- Gran is cooking breakfast while Sookie sits at the table.
Sookie: Marthaville's gettin' a Starbucks.
Gran: I cannot for the life of me see why anybody would spend $3 on a cup of coffee with too much milk.
Sookie: Arlene told me, that people are less calcium-deficient than they used to be because of all the fancy coffee they drink nowadays.
Gran: You know, I never thought of that, but it does make sense.
(Gran sets her plate down on the table and then sits down to join Sookie for breakfast.)
Sookie: Hey, Gran. Do you think I should continue seeing Bill?
Gran: Sookie, I can't tell you that. I can tell you that I think he is a smart, handsome and very polite young man,
but of course he's gonna show his best side to me so that I won't stand in the way of his courtin' you.
Sookie: He scares me.
Gran: Well, it is scary ... opening your heart up to somebody.
Sookie: I think it's a little scarier ... the vampire then... the regular guy?
Gran: I suppose. Bill is the first vampire I ever met ... that I know of.
Sookie: Not scared that he would ever hurt me ... scared because ... I don't know what he's thinking.
Gran: I would imagine that, that wouldn't be such a bad thing for you with your... ability.
(Sookie gets up and takes her plate to the sink. Gran sighs and thinks about something -- seeming to make a decision.)
Gran: You know, your grandfather used to know things.
(Sookie straightens up over the sink with her back to Gran.)
Sookie: What things?
Gran: If somebody was having money problems -- running around behind their wife's back -- sick ... that kind of thing. Personal things they never would have told anybody about.
Sookie (turning to face Gran): See, that's exactly it. If I don't stop myself from it, I hear everybody's deepest, darkest secrets. I'm sorry. That's just too much information!
Gran: But then Earl's brother, your Great-Uncle Francis, came back from Korea in real bad shape -- all torn up from the things he'd seen. Earl knew he was thinking about killing himself. He went over there in the middle of the night one night. Francis was just about to kick the chair out from underneath him -- already had the noose around his neck. But Earl talked him out of it. I just think there is a purpose for everything that God creates, whether it's a unique ability or a cup of overpriced coffee with too much milk ... or a vampire. God will reveal that purpose when the time is right.
(Sookie walks over, kisses Gran on the cheek and then starts going up the back stairs to the second floor. She stops mid-stride, and goes back down to the kitchen.)
Sookie: Wait. I thought Great-Uncle Francis did kill himself, with a shotgun.
Gran: Oh, yes, he did, but that was years later.
Scene 17 -- Lafayette's house -- Someone is knocking at the door.
Lafayette: Hold on, <snip> damn it! <snip>! What the damn <snip>?!
(Lafayette opens the door and finds Jason standing there.)
Lafayette: Well, hello ... hotness.
Jason: Lafayette, I need your help.
Lafayette: I am so glad you finally recognized that truth.
Jason: You're wearing gold pants.
(Lafayette turns on some music, then sits next to Jason on his sofa.)
Lafayette: So, what you need?
Jason: I ... Do you have any ... Viagra?
Lafayette: What?
Jason: Viagra. Do you have any Viagra?
Lafayette (laughing): No.
Jason: Seriously? I thought you had everything.
Lafayette: Jason ... puppy dog ... Viagra is legal. You can buy it in the drugstore.
Jason: Yeah, I know, but I need it now. Don't you have anything that would...
Lafayette: Give you <snip> a saw couldn't cut through it?
Jason: Yeah, that sounds good. I think.
Lafayette: Yeah! I do. But it's very expensive.
Jason: Well, how much?
Lafayette: Six hundred a quarter of an ounce.
Jason: Get the <snip> out of here! What in the hell's worth that kind of money?!
(Lafayette opens up a small concealed refrigerator and gets out of vial of blood. He sits back down next to Jason, and holds up the vial.)
Jason: When'd you start dealing V?
Lafayette: When I realized there was a market for it. Now, I don't want this getting out, <snip>. Do you understand me?
Jason: Yeah, yeah.
Lafayette: The vamps don't take kindly to the juice dispenser.
Jason: Where'd you get it?
Lafayette: Let's just say I have an arrangement with a certain life-challenged individual who appreciate my multi-faceted talents.
Jason: <snip> damn. Is there anybody who isn't <snip> vampires these days?
Lafayette: Tell me something, lover. Do you wanna <snip> and have the best s*x you have ever had for both you and your lady friend?
Jason: Yes, yes, yes, yes!
Lafayette: Take one, maybe two drops of this. No more. Any more and things might get a little intense, and I don't mean in a good way.
Jason: Thanks, man. Appreciate it.
(Jason starts to get up to leave, but Lafayette pulls him back down.)
Lafayette: Ain't nothin' free in my world.
Jason: Oh ... can I pay you later? I need to run to the bank.
Lafayette: <snip>, who you think I am?
(Lafayette gets up and locks the door.)
Lafayette: I don't run a layaway program and I ain't interested in institutin' one.
Jason: Aw come on, Lafayette. Isn't there some way you can let me pay you this afternoon?
(Lafayette and Jason are now in another room. Jason has removed all of his clothes except his BVD's and watch. He's standing in front of a video camera that Lafayette has placed on a tripod.)
Jason: <snip> damn it! I hate video cameras.
Lafayette: You know how much you could make if you had your own website? Queens all over this world would pay good money just to watch you <snip>.
Jason: Hey! You said all I had to do was dance!
Lafayette: OK
(Lafayette takes a remote out, presses it and the music starts.)
Lafayette: Dance.
Jason: Is anybody gonna see this who knows me?
Lafayette: Probably. There's a lot of pervs in this town.
Jason: OK, No way! That's not cool, man!
(Jason picks up his clothes as Lafayette picks up a mask and holds it out to Jason.)
Lafayette: Look, do you want the V or not?
Jason: Give me the <snip> mask.
Lafayette: That's my Jason.
(As Jason puts on the mask, Tara comes up behind a curtain and sees Jason and Lafayette.)
Tara (softly): What the <snip>?
Lafayette: I like what you're working with.
(Jason starts dancing.)
Lafayette: Shake that ass. Ooh lover, you gonna make me clutch my pearls.
Scene 18 -- Bill Compton's house. Sookie walks up the steps to the porch and looks through a window. The inside is dark and still. She sits down on the steps and looks around. The trees and sky shimmer and take on a brighter colors. As Sookie looks around she becomes aroused and then her cell phone rings.
Sookie: Hello.
Sam: Hey Sookie, it's Sam. Could you do me a favor?
Sookie: Um ... sure ... maybe.
Sam: Listen, I'm set to open for lunch in about 20 minutes, and Dawn still hasn't shown up for her shift.
Sookie: Aw Sam, I really need my day off!
Sam: No, no, I'm not asking you to come in. I just need you to run by Dawn's and wake her up. She probably just overslept.
Sookie: OK
(Sookie drives over to Dawn's house and starts knocking on the door.)
Sookie: Dawn ... it's me, Sookie. Honey, you overslept.
(Sookie opens the screen door and knocks on the inner door. Not getting any answer, Sookie tries the door handle and the door opens.)
Sookie (entering): Dawn! Are you here?
(Sookie walks through to the bedroom. The alarm is going off and there looks like there's been a struggle. Dawn is laying on the bed, eyes open. Sookie calls her name a few times but then realizes that Dawn will not be answering. Then Sookie screams.)
Plan: A: Sookie; Q: Who has a dream in which Bill takes her virginity? A: Malcolm; Q: Who offers to let Bill feed on Jerry? A: Diane; Q: Who wants to know how Sookie knew about Jerry's intentions? A: Liam; Q: Who is the third vampire that is trying to feed on Sookie? A: Bill; Q: Who tells the others to leave Sookie alone? A: a young human; Q: What is Jerry? A: a toy; Q: What is Jerry to the trio? A: Jerry's mind; Q: Where did Sookie look to see that Jerry had Hepatitis D? A: Hepatitis D; Q: What infection does Jerry have? A: the group; Q: Who does Bill get out of the door before they can ask any more questions? A: The incident; Q: What leaves Sookie shaken and with doubts about her relationship with Bill? A: Sam; Q: Who asks Sookie to go to Dawn's house? A: the night; Q: When do Sam and Tara close up at Merlotte's? A: a few drinks; Q: What do Sam and Tara share at Merlotte's? A: an arrangement; Q: What do Sam and Tara come to after talking about being lonely? A: her little game; Q: What does Dawn do with Jason that quickly turns into more rough sex? A: his erection; Q: What does Jason lose when he finds out that Dawn has been with vampires? A: an argument; Q: What does Dawn have with Jason about sex with vampires? A: Dawn's neighbor; Q: Who witnessed Dawn threatening Jason with a gun and throwing him out of her house? A: a visit; Q: What does Bill pay to Malcolm, Diane and Liam? A: his mainstreaming; Q: What do the three vampires criticize Bill for? A: Lettie Mae; Q: Who attacks Tara when she returns home? A: a whore; Q: What does Tara's mother call her? A: Lafayette; Q: Who does Tara go to for a place to stay after being attacked by her mother? A: a state senator; Q: Who is leaving Lafayette's house? A: Adele; Q: Who does Sookie talk to about her dream? A: another chance; Q: What does Sookie decide to give Bill after her dream? A: Lafayette's house; Q: Where does Jason go to get Viagra? A: only one or two drops; Q: How much blood does Lafayette tell Jason to take at a time? A: camera; Q: What does Lafayette have Jason dance on to get the blood? A: Lafayette's website; Q: Where does Lafayette want Jason to dance for? A: Jason's performance; Q: What does Tara get to see on Lafayette's website? A: work; Q: What did Dawn not show up for? A: Dawn's dead body; Q: What does Sookie find on Dawn's bed? Summary: In order to save Sookie from Malcolm, Diane and Liam, who are about to feed on her, Bill claims Sookie as his human, declaring "Sookie is mine." With Sookie safe, for the time being at least, Malcolm offers to let Bill feed on Jerry, a young human the trio carry around with them as a toy. Bill is about to feed, but Sookie looks into Jerry's mind and sees that he has Hepatitis D, an infection that infects only vampires. Now robbed of his chance at revenge for the loss of his boyfriend to vampire blood addiction, Jerry attacks Sookie, but Bill stops him and knocks him out. Diane wants to know how Sookie knew about Jerry's intentions, but Bill manages to get the group out the door before they can ask any more questions. The incident leaves Sookie shaken and with doubts about her relationship with Bill. At Merlotte's, Sam and Tara close up for the night and share a few drinks. They talk about being lonely and come to an arrangement, whereby they will have sex just once. Dawn returns home and her little game with Jason quickly turns into more rough sex. However, knowing that Dawn has been with vampires causes Jason to lose his erection and the two have an argument about sex with vampires, which results in Dawn threatening Jason with a gun and throwing him out of her house, all of which is witnessed by Dawn's neighbor. Bill pays a visit to Malcolm, Diane and Liam and tells them to leave Sookie alone. They criticize him for his mainstreaming and suggest that the Great Revelation was not a good idea. Tara returns home and is attacked by her alcoholic mother Lettie Mae, who calls her a whore and scares Tara out of the house. She drops in on Lafayette, just as a state senator is leaving his "appointment" and asks for a place to stay. Sookie has a dream in which Bill takes her virginity and, after a discussion with Adele, decides that she should give Bill another chance. Jason goes to Lafayette's house to get some Viagra, but ends up with a vial of vampire blood. Lafayette instructs him to take only one or two drops of blood at a time. To get it, Jason has to dance on camera for Lafayette's website and Tara gets a much appreciated view of Jason's performance. Sam asks Sookie to swing by Dawn's house, as she did not show up for work. Sookie obliges and finds Dawn's dead body sprawled out on her bed.