Glenn: Lola, we have some good news and some bad news. The good news is, you don't have cancer.
Lola: Ohh!
Glenn: Cat just put nair in your shampoo.
Cat: Because you ate my lunch from the refrigerator.
Glenn: And the bad news is, she also put a chemical in your iced tea which turns your nose into a tennis ball. But it only lasts a second. So basically, everything's okay. Everything's okay.
Owen: Chief! Can't you see I'm busy?
Chief: Sometimes I wish I was a mirror.
Lola: Hey, Dori, my round sheet is empty. Is that a mistake?
Dori: Doesn't look like it.
Owen: This place is empty. What gives?
Dori: There are no admissions today, and we just discharged the last child.
Cat: Are you saying there are no more patients left in the hospital?
Beth: Guys, what do we do with all our time?
Sy: Listen, I'm going into town to register the new ambulance.
Glenn: Sy! Sy! Sy! Before you go, there are no patients left to treat. Any extra tasks you need us doing?
Sy: As a matter of fact, thank you, Glenn. There's a lot of things to be done. First off, the organ supply room needs cleaning.
Blake: I'll do it! [ Laughs ] Psych!
Sy: Wear gloves this time.
Blake: I'll do it my own way.
Sy: And then, most importantly, the patients' records, all right? Now, look at this -- completely disorganized. These have been handed down from administrator to administrator. You know how important this is to me. Glenn, will you take care of reorganizing this entire room?
Glenn: I will not let you down, sir.
Sy: I would never have asked you, son, if I didn't believe in you.
Chet: Are they falling in love?
Owen: Yes.
Sy: All right, Glenn is in charge, everybody.
Sy: You know what, Lola? That is a great idea. The animal-testing lab is filthy.
Lola: [ Scoffs ] Should have said, "I'd rather clean the Dylan McDermott lab."
Sy: Who's gonna come with me? It's a great adventure. Dori! Perfect!
Dori: Ohh!
Sy: Let's go!
Blake: Hey, Rosa. Working hard or hardly working?
Rosa: [ European accent ] Oh, somewhere in between, Mr. Dr. Downs.
Blake: I see what you're saying. You're not working as hard as you can be, but you're certainly not working.
Rosa: [ Chuckles ]
Blake: Oof. This uterus expired on Tuesday. You know what? I figure we have a 10-day grace period.
Rosa: Expiration dates are really just suggestions.
Blake: I like the way you think, lady.
Rosa: You know, being around all these organs is making me hungry. Would you like to come to my home for lunch?
Sal: Attention, staff. My dick. That is all.
Lola: Hey, chief.
Chief: Oh. Owen isn't interested in me. Do you think he noticed I use a walker?
Lola: Oh, I'd love to girl-gab, but I just injected all these stem cells into that handicapped monkey.
[ Screeches ]
Chief: He doesn't need glasses or his walker?!
[ Gasps ]
Stem cells cure handicaps! Mama want!
Lola: No! Chief, no! Oh, God!
Chief: [ Gasping ] Wait a minute. I don't feel anything at all. Thanks for nothing, whore!
Lola: Wait. Chief. Think fast!
[ Gasps ]
Amazing!
Chief: Oh, my God.
Lola: Look at that. Oh, my God.
Chief: I'm cured! Stem cells? What a great idea!
Glenn: [ Laughs ] Okay. What do you say, guys? Let's get busy!
Cat: I'm not doing donkey dick.
Glenn: Look, Cat --
Chet: What part of "donkey dick" don't you understand, ass-kisser?!
Glenn: All right. So, how do you want to do this? My favorite letters are I, T, V, Q, and S, so, obviously, I'll take -- aaaah! Oh, my God. For a second there, I thought that was a real airplane. What's the deal, Cat?
Cat: Glenn, this is a free day! I mean, do you really want to spend it organizing records, or do you want to spend setting them? Am I right, guys?
[ Peppy music plays ]
[ Music stops ]
Okay, let's go!
[ Music resumes ]
[ Both laughing ]
Glenn: Come on, guys!
Are we doctors or are we... Dart doctors?
[ Music continues on radio ]
No! No, no, no! The ladies' room is right there! Sy, where are you?
Owen: Ha-cha-cha! Whew. Ooh. Hey, there. You new at this hospital?
Chief: In a way.
Owen: What's your name, beautiful?
Chief: My name? Uh, I-- it's... it's, uh, uh... [ Sneezes ]
Chief: My name... Ooh, I -- ouch. It's, uh... hey.
Chief: Uh...it's chief. Uh, chief...Smith.
Owen: Oh. Well, we have another lady here named chief, but she's ugly.
Chief: Oh, really?
Owen: Yeah. She's about as ugly as a big pile of poo.
Chief: Oh.
Owen: Mm-hmm. She's so ugly, a poo takes a her.
Chief: Hmm.
Owen: If a dog wanted to eat his own poo, he would make a mistake and eat her.
Chief: Yeah.
Owen: For all intents and purposes, she is poo.
Chief: Ohhh.
Owen: When she goes to the toilet store, they tell her to "go around back 'cause that's where we let the poo in."
Chief: Oh, God.
Owen: If you do a Google image search of the word "poo," pictures of poo show up, but then there's a picture of her. Mm. Crazy people smear her on the walls.
Chief: There's more.
[SCENE_BREAK]
Rosa: Hi! Hi. We're hungry, mama! We're hungry!
Rosa: They're saying they're hungry.
Blake: Yeah, yeah. No, I heard them. They spoke English.
Rosa: Come and sit. Back in Ukraine, I was hospital administrator. I loved it so. Oh, thank you, grandma. I work at Childrens just to be around the administrating.
Blake: Sort of like a lower-stakes "Good Will Hunting."
Rosa: Exactly.
Blake: Yeah. [ Laughs ] Mmm. This soup is incredible. Is there a secret ingredient?
Rosa: Oh, yes. [ Chuckles ] Love.
[ Folk music plays ]
[ Laughter ]
[ Up-tempo music plays ]
Cat: Glenn, come on.
Let yourself go.
Glenn: Ahh...
Cat: Dance.
Glenn: Oh, you know what? You're right. The files can wait. I got to dance! I got to dance!
[ All cheering ]
Lola: Whoa, Glenn!
Chet: Yeah!
Lola: All right!
Cat: What?!
Glenn: Hey!
Pool! Pool! Aah!
[ All cheering ]
Lola: [ Vomits ]
Glenn: Free day! [ Laughs ]
Blake: Thank you so much, Sasha.
Really nice meeting you, Andrash. And you, too, Tiffany. Don't ever change. And you... [ laughs ] This day has been wonderful.
Rosa: No!
Blake: But we -- we have a connection. I'm Robin Williams, you're Matt Damon. Let's make love, like they did in the movie.
Rosa: No! No! I don't like you like that! Please, Dr. Blake, leave!
Blake: Let me kiss her on the mouth! Rosa! No! No! No! No! Mwah! Mwah! No!
[ Both laughing ]
Owen: I'll tell you what, chief Smith, I'm gonna go get us some mai tais.
Don't you go anywhere.
Chief: Don't you worry.
Both: Rowr!
[ Both laugh ]
Chief: Mmm.
Lola: Hey! Think fast!
[ Gasps ]
Chief: Wait a minute.
Let me put on my -- my glasses.
Owen: Poo chief, where did chief Smith go?! You got to help me find her!
Chief: Her is me! Her is me! ♪ For your sins ♪
Glenn: Hey, Blake, where have you been?
Blake: Well, let's just say that I've been to another world and I fell in love, and it was not mutual, and I was forcibly removed.
Cat: Aw, sweet.
Glenn: Are those patients' files?
Cat: Yeah.
Glenn: Why are you throwing them into the fire?!
Cat: Don't you get it? I don't know.
[ Cellphone vibrates ]
Glenn: Sy's on his way back.
Lola: If only any of us knew something about administrating, then we could fix this.
Blake: Wait a minute!
Guys, I have an idea. Wait right here, okay? Do you have a sec?
Rosa: No.
Blake: Come on. Everybody, this is Rosa. She's my girlfriend. She can fix this.
Rosa: Not your girlfriend. Blake told me the situation. We would have to re-create all the files by calling every patient and getting their medical history. It's impossible.
Glenn: Oh, I failed.
Blake: Impossible? [ Laughs ] Nothing's impossible if you follow your heart. Not even love.
Cat: Hi. I'm calling from Childrens hospital. I was wondering, were you ever a patient here?
Beth: And when was his last vaccination?
Blake: What do you think your weight was in 1975?
Lola: I'm still at work. We have to re-create these stupid patient files we burned in a hallway campfire.
Owen: She's so ugly that monkeys take her out of their butts and throw her at people at the zoo.
Cat: And that's it. We did it!
Lola: Ohh!
Cat: We did it!
Glenn: That's it?! We replaced all the files?
Cat: No, just this one single file, but you act like it's not that impressive.
Sy: Glenn! What the hell happened here?!
Cat: Sy, it's fault--
Glenn: No, Cat.
Cat: Oh.
Glenn: I got to own this. Yeah, we burned the files. And we'd do it again, 'cause, news flash, Sy -- I don't want to run your hospital, 'cause as a surgeon, I make sick money, and you live in a condo at the Harborlight Mall.
Sy: I admit it. I was wr-- I was wr-- I was wro--
Glenn: Sy's having a stroke! Everybody come quick!
Chet: I got it! I got it!
Lola: No! No! No!
Blake: Thank you, Rosa. You've been great.
Rosa: I did literally nothing and nothing got fixed.
Blake: Eh, tomayto, tomahto.
Sy: No, I just had trouble saying I was wrong. It's a tic. Eh, it's a living.
Sal: Attention, staff. When I say "That is," you say "All." That is... that is all.
Plan: A: Sy; Q: Who assigns the staff to organize the patients' records while he is out of the hospital? A: a free day; Q: What do the staff consider Sy's absence as? Summary: Sy assigns the staff to organize the patients' records while he is out of the hospital. However, with his absence, the staff consider it as a free day.