Kink communities have the language to talk about sex roles. People will be clear about being submissive or dominant or enjoying both roles ( which is called switch ), and it would do the rest of us well to learn how to have those kinds of conversations. "Talking about what we want from sex normalizes people saying 'yes' to the things they want to say yes to and 'no' to the things they want to say no to," Dr. Torrisi says. That, in turn, will help get rid of the guilt I've been feeling, because how can you feel guilty when you know how much your partner loves topping you? Or, in my case, loves being the big spoon?