Well, I’ll bet 67% of men fart on public transport. I’ve been groped more times than I can even remember at rush hour, and twice been a victim of men pleasuring themselves while sat opposite me in empty carriages – but that’s a different story. On the more mildly irritating end of the spectrum, a man recently hung up a bag of dry cleaning on the rail directly above my head in an extreme display of manspreading, leaving ample room for his own head as he sat down next to me. Drunk people vomit on the train, sober people read 50 Shades Of Grey, football fans get on and cause a riot, people with colds sneeze, and sad girls (also me) listen to Sia’s “Breathe Me” at full volume while sobbing into a receipt. I’m not about to say that women applying makeup on public transport make Britain great, but it certainly shouldn’t make the top 12 list of annoying commuter behaviour . A woman who can apply a perfect cat-eye flick without extending her elbows even one centimetre in the moment’s stop between Bank and St Paul’s should be saluted, not trash-tweeted