4 of 5

Dream wedding: In a church. Not princessy but traditional, mature. No drugs and the band will be live – you will not have a DJ – even though you’ll be annoyed when they play "Sex On Fire" by that band whose name I’ve forgotten. It will be a really lovely day though.

You’re young but people have always said you have an old soul. This used to piss you off but as you get a little older you’ve started to accept that it’s no bad thing. You’re either a semi-successful actor or a nurse, depending on lots of different factors that constitute a whole other article. You currently live in north London but aren’t sure if it’s still for you; it used to be cooler, you think, even though you love the villagey feel of Crouch End. Your favourite TV show is – curveball – Gimme Gimme Gimme and you have a lot of gay friends, although they are Clapham gays so are slowly settling down, too. You ask two of them to be your bridesmaids but you, and they, think it’s more appropriate to call them 'bridesmen'. If you were a fraction more lame you would think gender reveal parties are amazing but you’re slightly too cool for that, thank God. You’re really very kind, almost to a fault, although you hate it when people borrow money and don’t pay you back. Once you drove to someone’s house to collect £2.41 to the actual penny. You still haven’t been able to laugh about it.