I met my now-fiancé, Ryan, in April of 2013, when Tinder was in its infancy. I was aware of the controversial app, but I hadn’t felt the need to download it.

But once Ryan and I opened our relationship, I started playing around with Tinder, OkCupid, and even Bumble vicariously through him — helping him write his profiles, swiping through women with him, and even coaching him through a conversation with a woman. Which is to say that I’ve dabbled, but I saw no reason to get into it myself.

That is, until a friend told us about Thrinder, an app for couples and the singles who want to be involved with them. Then, OkCupid came out with a new function that lets you say you’re in a non-monogamous relationship and link your account to someone else’s. This made me curious: What is it like to meet women as a couple on dating apps? I decided to give it a try.

I downloaded Thrinder and created a couple's account for us, and downloaded OkCupid and created my own account, which I linked to Ryan’s. I stocked both accounts with flattering pictures of us at the beach, dancing together at summer parties, and looking in love. I was aiming for a classy vibe that said, “We’re attractive, fun, but fairly normal people who love each other!” Thrinder makes you keep it short, but I spent a long time with our OkCupid profile, writing about how we’re still friends with all the women we’ve been with, that we ascribe to affirmative consent, that she should contact us if she believes that threesomes can be respectful and healthy, and that we have a cozy one-bedroom with a cat. I wanted women who read our profile to feel safe — emotionally and physically — contacting us. I didn’t want to seem like creeps. (Yes, I’ve read the comments from readers who call couples who want to have a threesome creepy and terrible. Thanks for getting in my head.)

Then, I started swiping.

I found a weird world. Many women on Thrinder hid their faces, which I understand. But you can’t see much of their personalities on the app, either, so that left us with nothing to go on. Some women put unicorn emoji in their profiles, indicating they were interested in something a little more long-term. Others said they were straight, which confused me. Some couples were like us, posting cute pictures. Others were aggressively sexual, with close-ups of her butt in lacy lingerie and his abs above boxers, or a headless shot of their almost-naked bodies intertwined on a bed. I swiped right on some of the cute couples, and on a lot of women. But first I always took the time to read their profiles to see if they were looking for fmf. I didn’t want to waste anyone’s time.

After playing this game for a few days, we only matched with couples. We didn’t follow up, and neither did they. I ran out of “beautiful humans,” as Thrinder calls them, to swipe. That’s when I realized that only two or three new people join each day, so if you check back in occasionally, you will see every woman in your city who might be interested in a threesome. There are just far too many couples trying to have a threesome, and not enough willing or curious ladies.