What's an unhelpful way of communicating about a mental health problem?

Recinos: "This might sound really simple, but one of the things that has been damaging to me is whenever someone — I think especially coming from a partner this would be painful — but if someone says, 'Well, why are you so angry?,' or, 'Why are you so sad?' — this idea that your emotions aren’t valid. Even in the moment, when I realize that I am maybe overblowing something, in that moment, [the feeling is] so powerful — so, having someone close to you question the validity of your emotions, I think, can be really harmful.

"I feel like there’s a lot more going on under the surface than it seems, and sometimes, I am depressed, but I’m also angry and I’m also anxious and I’m also frustrated, and when you yourself can’t even really figure out those emotions, it’s hard if someone starts to question them. Obviously, when you go into therapy it’s different because you do really want to pull those emotions apart, but in the heat of the moment, it’s just kind of a lot to deal with."

Botic: "I think a big way to help people feel safe in their relationships to communicate these things — and I know this has been true for me — is to resist the urge to apologize after you have shared something that is really challenging or really hard. I know that there were times in the past where, let’s say, I was experiencing severe anxiety and I would tell [my husband], 'I'm feeling so overwhelmed, I feel like I can't breathe, I don't know how I’m going to be able get through the rest of the day, I don’t know what to do' — and talking to him about it afterwards when I had sort of come out of the moment a little bit, I would want to say to him, 'I'm sorry I acted so crazy,' or 'I'm sorry I can't just be normal,' or 'I'm sorry you have to deal with this.'

"I think it’s so important that women don’t feel like they need to apologize for these experiences that they’re having and that we trust that our partners don’t want us to apologize for them, either...[but also,] we should all let ourselves off the hook from being 100% perfect communicators — just giving ourselves a little bit of grace and compassion when we are trying to communicate these hard things and not to go back over it and beat ourselves up and go, 'I wish I had said this differently,' or 'I wish I had done this differently' — just to let it come out the best that we can articulate it in that moment, and to let it be okay if it’s not 100% textbook perfect."