So, I suppose it’s admirable that you’re considering body positivity at all, but really this is just about rudeness. People can and should wear whatever the hell they want. It’s just none of your business to police them. Your idea of attractiveness may not be theirs. Furthermore, they may not be considering beauty to begin with. And hey, what if they’re stepping outside of their comfort zone and try something new? The problem is that you’re assuming your opinion is the truth and therefore sharing it is being honest. It’s not. It’s being judgmental.

Okay, time for caveats. Look, if someone asks for your opinion, go ahead and give it. (Here’s a caveat to my caveat: Know your audience. If it's, say, a friend who really struggles with self-loathing, maybe don’t feed that beast.) But don’t do so thinking that you’re giving anything but that. You’re not right or wrong — you just have a stance.

I think your neutral-question approach is probably your best bet, in any scenario. But really, do your best to make sure it’s actually neutral when you say it. In fact, if you’re really concerned about body positivity, then practicing neutral responses is a great practice. I do it myself. We’re all so used to judging and flattering ourselves and each other that it’s become a knee-jerk response. Responding to bodies with neutrality is one of the most powerful things you can do.

But unless you’re specifically invited to comment, just stay out of it! If they say they hate it, don’t back them up with reasons why you hate it, too. If they seem unsure, let them figure it out. If they like it, let them like it! If the clothes are on their body, then it fits their body type (because there is only one type of body: body). If they’re into the lipstick and you’re not, oh well! Who cares?! It’s clothing. It’s lipstick. This is not a reality show and you are not the designated Mean Judge.

If you can appreciate someone’s confidence, that speaks well of you both. So, when in doubt, go with that. Whether it’s a friend or a stranger asking, “How do I look?” it is never a bad thing to say, “You look confident.”

Honestly,

Kelsey