The best kinds of gift are subtle, personal, and can make a person cry. Incidentally, the worst kinds of gifts are kind of the same — except with more of the bad sort of tears. With all of the billions of dollars that manufactures, retailers, and brands spend on arming you with perfect items to give to to your circle of buds, it’s worth wondering who exactly they had in mind when they came up with the following winners.

These are very real things that you have to spend very real money on that are are so bizarre, so insulting, or so unhelpful that we’re unsure who would ever come across one and think, “Yes — how perfect. [Insert name] will LOVE this eyeball massager!!”

But then again, everyone has a crazy recluse auntie who’s been known to pass out stolen office supplies during the holidays. If you’re just like her, click through for some gifts right up your alley. If not, here are 30 things for sale that are hard to believe exist.