You wouldn’t think a self-help book about women’s empowerment would be all about a man. But in many ways, Tiffany Dufu’s debut, Drop The Ball , is a love letter her husband, Kojo, who she admits is partly responsible for her success. If I were to just tell you the bare basics of Dufu’s life, you’d think: How does she do it all? She’s a high-powered executive, her husband has his own successful career that frequently takes him overseas, and they have two small children. And then you meet her, and Dufu looks like some kind of catalog version of a working mother, all toned arms and beautiful skin. You’d want to hate her, if she wasn’t so nice. But she isn’t just nice — she’s actually willing to share the secret to her success. Drop The Ball, part memoir, part self-help book, tells the story of how Dufu managed to let go in order to get ahead. And if you’ve ever found yourself having a panic attack over the way your partner folds your T-shirts, it’s a must-read. But the book isn’t just for working mothers trying to figure out how to make it all actually work. It’s for any young, ambitious woman, and the loved ones in her life who want to see her succeed. Because if you take away one thing from Dufu’s story, it’s that it really does take a village. And one of the best ways to get ahead is to make sure you have just the right partner by your side. Refinery29 spoke to Dufu just a week before her book release on a range of topics from ambition to child-rearing, and of course, the conversation turned to relationships. Because if you haven't yet found "the one," how do you make sure you find your own Kojo? Dufu has some very strong opinions on the topic. “Kojo and I spoke a lot about how we were going to change the world together," Dufu says, and the early section of Drop The Ball goes into great detail about their romantic courtship. "But it’s incredible to me that we never spoke about the fundamental things, like who’s going to do what at home. We always talked about the vision and the dream, but never the logistics of the fairy tale.” It wasn't until they had a baby and Dufu returned to work full-time that the road got bumpy. Luckily, the couple managed to figure it out — though it was a rough journey. To save yourself a lot of pent-up rage (or maybe full-blown rage), Dufu recommends having these tough logistical conversations way before a baby comes along. But really, you should maybe start on the first date. Okay, okay, we're not suggesting you need to start quizzing your blind date on who's going to stay home with your sick infant, but Dufu does have strong feelings on the three things you should look for in a partner if you're an ambitious woman trying to make a difference in the world: