Now, I know it's just a quick somersault to the deep end, so you're right to be keeping an eagle eye on your daughter. If you had even the faintest inkling that she was in a dangerous or abusive situation, I'd say shut that shit down by any means necessary. But, at least from what you've told me, it sounds like this not-so-healthy relationship could evolve into a healthy experience in the long-term. And you can help ensure that. Here's how:

Step one: Step back. Don't order your daughter to dump her boyfriend and try not to bad-mouth him too overtly. Please, oh please, do not secretly tattle on this boy to his mom. I totally understand your instincts, but this is a recipe for resentment and secrets. The last thing you want to do is create more drama (they're teenagers! They thrive on drama!) and foster a situation where your daughter feels like she has to hide things from you. You have to think about the long game, here.

Step two: Be present. Your daughter needs to feel that you're not here to meddle, but she also has to know you're her safe harbor. Check in, ask questions, and do your best to make her feel like she can give you an honest answer. That might mean curtailing your knee-jerk impulse to intervene and fix the problem for her. I think, on some level, you know how much better off she'll be if she works through it herself. It'll be a lot easier for her to do that if she knows her mom is there for her — and that her mom trusts her, too.

It's a balancing act, I know, this being there but not too there. But if you can master it, you'll be able to show your daughter what real love looks like. Experiences like this teach you what you will and won't put up with. They teach you to call upon your self-respect and self-reliance. They also teach you that it's okay to reach out for help and advice from the people who love you. Give her the chance to reach.