When I started college, makeup now felt like a line in the sand between the girls who were fuckable but not smart, and the girls who were smart but not fuckable. I felt self-conscious going to class with nice eyeshadow on my face or buying foundation that cost more than $10. I was also into other things now, too, like reality TV, memes, and social media. I liked watching The Bachelor and treating it as an academic study of producers, editors, and directors who were excellent at their craft. I liked dissecting memes just as much as I liked reading NPR. A good Instagram post was satisfying. And I felt so guilty. Was I stupid or vain? I didn’t feel like I was. But anytime I was around friends who weren’t into these stupid things, bringing them up made me feel deeply insecure and wrong.