Based on what I saw, “mom clothes” were meant to hide your baby weight, cover the cleavage your milk-filled boobs gave you, and make it clear that you weren’t taking care of yourself (because you were taking care of someone else). If moms took the time to dress up, it seemed, they were being selfish. This might say something about my personality, but I retaliated against that — hard. For the first time in my life, I gravitated towards bold prints. I broke out my favorite vintage T-shirts and paired them with palazzo pants. I didn’t cover up my new cleavage, and instead of mom-approved flats, I opted for five-inch stilettos. That’s when the comments started, and “you don’t dress like a Mom” became something I heard regularly.

At first, I gave myself a little pat on the back, celebrating the fact that I was defying expectations. But then, I thought about those expectations — the ones that are put on women once we become parents. Not to get all “I am woman, hear me roar,” but seriously: Why couldn’t I be a mom who wore a tutu? Becoming a mom helped me find both inner and outer confidence, and I knew that no matter where I wore that tutu (to a newborn checkup or to work — hey, it fit within my company’s dress code), I owned the power I felt in it. Isn’t the most important part of personal style personality? It really bugged me that my identity as a mom in the eyes of others was so tied to how I looked.

As I kept pushing myself to try out new trends, experiment with new shapes, and test out different styles, I stopped being known as the mom who didn’t dress like a mom. I was just Elyssa, full stop. I found more confidence in myself by not defining my style in one way, but rather by allowing it to represent all the aspects of my life.

I knew the "rules" really didn't matter in my world when I asked someone senior at my company whether I needed to cover up my tattoos and start wearing blazers. She told me, “If someone judges your ideas and leadership because of how you look, that’s their problem.” I understood in that moment that the judgment others may bestow upon me as a mom only made me more fearless and more willing to stand up for who I am.