1. If you're nervous, or it's your first time doing something, say so. "If you're nervous, tell people!" Blue advised. "If you're a newbie, tell people." Sharing that you're new can be a great conversation-starter, lightening the mood and inviting others to tell you that they're new, too, or to welcome you and introduce you to other guests. You don't have to pretend that you're an expert or that you're calm, cool, and confident if you're not. Whether at a sex party or elsewhere, sex can be silly. Sex can be fun. Sex can also be awkward or nerve-wracking. Saying so connects you with your partner(s) and gives you something to laugh about together.

2. Find language to communicate about your STI status. And practice it in the mirror, if that's helpful. In Blue's words, "There is no such thing as safe sex," because all sex carries some level of risk, but you decide how much risk you'll tolerate. "Figure out your safer sex protocols and your STI status, and be comfortable talking about it," Blue says. Have a line or two ready to rattle off when the time comes — "Hey, I want to let you know I recently tested positive for gonorrhoea, but I'm treating it and have a condom right here," whatever it is. If you don't want to talk about your STI status, you can say so — "You know, I'm not comfortable talking about that" — but recognise that you might not get any action if you refuse to have that conversation when asked.

3. Identify your boundaries, intentions, and desires, and then own them. Blue asked participants to consider their "boundaries" (activities you don't want to engage in during a given experience), "intentions" (attitudes you'd like to adopt for the experience), and "desires" (what you'd like to happen during an experience) — a checklist Blue refers to as B.I.D.

For the experience of a sex party, I chose "honest and communicative" as the attitudes I'd like to adopt, while my partner picked "open and outgoing." We both noted that, at a sex party, we wouldn't want to separate from one another. (Glad we agree on that.) Blue pointed out that this exercise is useful not only for sex parties but for vacations, blind dates with Tinder matches, meeting your S.O.'s family for the first time — any social experience for which you want to have a game plan.