What was the craziest part of being a bridesmaid? "The union didn’t even last a full year. Eight months is all. Is it insensitive to expect a refund?"

What was the worst part of being a bridesmaid? "Well, the wedding was in the afternoon so they could save money, so they opted out of providing a full meal, and just supplemented with snacks. I was there for over 12 hours and never had any food. The groomsmen were given pizza by the owner of the venue, but when the bridesmaids asked where our pizza was, she said, 'Oh, I thought you wouldn’t want to eat so you could fit in your dresses,' and that was that."

What was the best part? "My speech. I had fun with that. And I finally got the bride to loosen up when we crushed it on the dance floor."

Do you think being a bridesmaid is worth it? "No, I don’t really see the point of bridesmaids, in all honesty. I’ve always had way more fun just going to weddings and seeing my friends be happy and radiant, rather than standing up there with them looking awkward. And I’m such a doer; at the end of the night I’m the one cleaning the tables by myself and my heart breaks every time I have to trash a flower — I just can’t, I just hear the cash-register noise over and over in my head."

Would you do it again? "For her? No. BUT I have been in many people’s weddings since then; I’ve also declined an invitation to be a bridesmaid. I’m learning how to say no without feeling bad. My participation in your wedding is NOT an indication of how much I like you. If I'm not there, I still support your union — it’s just that MAMA NEEDS A VACATION."