Step 3: Participate, Always.

Of course, practicing can only take you so far. After a while, I figure I just have to go out and talk to people.I start by taking baby steps. I sit at conference tables in meetings, instead of in the back of the room, which I find makes speaking up easier. I try to express opinions earlier, so I don’t spend the majority of the meeting questioning whether I should say something. And two months in, I force myself to be as extroverted as possible. It’s right around this time that I realize something crazy — I actually crave meditating, a moment of quiet. So I start again, 10 minutes a day. And, believe it or not, I think it helps. I feel refreshed, focused, and not distracted.One night, I go to a crowded bar 30 minutes before my boyfriend shows up and chat with a stranger. A stranger! He offers me fries (success!). Over the weekend, my mother visits and we celebrate the Lunar New Year with some of her friends. Being extroverted in another language (Chinese) is a challenge, but I manage for a few minutes before heading off to watch TV in another room.The following Monday, I meditate in the morning and feel recharged for the week. I grab dinner with my friend Sam plus two of Sam’s friends. I “yes, and” one woman’s purchase of the domain basic.af, by asking, “Did you read that article about the new basic bitches of fashion?”Tuesday I have another meditation session before work, and then at night I head to a networking event 30 minutes before my friend Shoshana arrives. I talk to three strangers and two friends-of-friends. The “yes, and” approach is easier here: “Blowjob Pop Rocks? Wait, is that…”After each night out, I text Sam and Shoshana. “How extroverted was I? Slash, how awkward was I?” I ask Sam over text.“You were fine, but you apologize too much. Lean in, apologize for nothing, rah rah,” Sam texts back.“On a scale of 1 to 10? I would say 8,” Shoshana says. “Very extroverted.”She then tells me that she had always thought I was an extrovert, in some ways. Perhaps I’m not as bad of a socializer as I thought.Finally, my last hurrah. On Wednesday, I go to not one but two events with my boyfriend — a networking event for food journalists, followed by a party Shoshana is hosting at a bar. At the party, I strike up short conversations with three strangers and learn the secret of talking at a loud, crowded bar: Yell in the direction of just past someone’s ear, but not in their ear. Did everyone know this but me?This is also where I meet a self-identified extrovert who tells me he was out last night and didn’t go to bed until 6 a.m. On a weeknight! “Don’t you ever get tired?” I ask. “Don’t you ever want to just escape to an island for a few days?”“I tried that once,” he says. “After one day, I was like, Maybe I should go out today.”He tells me about going out for four nights in a row, getting sucked into the nightlife scene, and always having something to do.That sounds awful, I think. I get exhausted just thinking of the sheer number of people he must talk to. It's then that I realize I don’t really want to be an extrovert. Sure, I can be outgoing and I can have conversations with new people, and that’s great. I’ll do it when needed — I now know I can. But after almost a full week of pretending to be an extrovert, all I really wanted to do was go home and sit in bed.As I cut the night short and head home on the train, reveling in the quiet solitude, I finally recognize that despite all my events, social activities, and networking sessions, what Lin was really telling me to do was spend more time alone — meditating, practicing, and just being in my mind. "The whole process is about self-understanding," she says. "Understanding and discovering and being curious of why your body needs rejuvenation."This is why I’ll probably still meditate every now and again, especially when I find myself faced with back-to-back social events. It’s also why I won’t be shaming myself for not going out on a Friday night, or for leaving a party at 10 p.m. — you know, before it gets good.I distinctly remember the initial advice on Lin's worksheet: "Accept the way I am." No, I'm never going to be the social butterfly fluttering from a networking event to a dinner to an after-party. Yes, I'm still a little jealous of how easy socializing seems for some people in my life. But after a full week of acting like an extrovert — and nearly a month of preparing myself — I'm happy to say that I no longer wish to be one. I'd much rather replace that loud, crowded bar with a night in with a few friends, a bottle (or four) of wine, and a great slice of brie. Now if you need me, I'll be hibernating for a full week.