Dear Not,

You know what's funny? When I'm stuck in a romantic relationship problem, all I think is: Why can't this just be simple and easy, like it is with my friends? Then, I stumble into a friendship problem and I realize I am so, so stupid that it's actually funny. Romantic-relationship problems are a goddamn cakewalk. They have books for that shit. Friendships? You're fucked.

Not helpful? Okay, let's start with why you're fucked, and then we'll un-fuck you (god, sorry, I'll switch metaphors now). Friendships are more complicated because they are such rich, long, life-defining relationships — yet they exist with no formalized contract. There's no friendship marriage (setting aside companionate marriages, which are very real, but that's a whole ‘nother ball game). We don't have titles that carry the weight of "boyfriend" or "life partner." We have "best friend," and, as you know, that can mean different things to different people. And that's how you can end up walking down the aisle at a stranger's wedding.

I don't think either of you did anything Officially Wrong. Losing touch with an old friend is sad, but normal. Showing up a decade later and asking that friend to be your maid of honor is strange, and a little sad as well. If I were in your shoes, I'd probably have panicked and said yes, too. I probably would have been pissed at her (and myself) for shelling out all that cash and time on a wedding that really wasn't my style. And I probably would have wound up looking for a way out of this friendship, too. It seems to me that's what you're doing, and that's okay. Really.

But first, let's step into her shoes. You might be right in guessing she doesn't have any close friends anymore. But it's just as possible that she asked you to be her MOH because she felt an obligation to. After all, you were once best friends, and to some people, that's a lifetime title. She might have thought she had to go to you first as the Official High School Best Friend, or you'd be offended. Don't forget, weddings tend to bring out the extreme in all of us, and if she's a super traditional gal (three bridal showers?) then maybe you were the mandatory first choice.