Instead of listening to the wise words of Wallace University royalty, Grace rolls around in the minimal dirt on campus with her investigative reporter partner-puppy Pete searching for clues. But it’s the Scotland Yard detectives Chanel hires (one of whom I think is Ben Kingsley for a hot three seconds) who present evidence of Grace’s gritty true identity: Her mom was Bethany Stephens, the 1995 Kappa president-elect who pushed for TLC’s “Waterfalls” as the official house song and “Pretend that murder never happened” as the official house rule. She later descended into a life of crime before her ambiguous death.

Grace is still super bummed she’s not the bathtub baby and feels nostalgic for a few hours ago, when the distinction made her feel honorable and innocent. But what upsets her even more than the thought of not saying “bathtub baby” every few seconds for eternity is that there’s an explanation for the murderous side of herself that’s been undercover for so long. It’s bubbling up now, more desperate to escape than even the muddled curls beneath her pageboy caps. And now that Grace has accused Gigi of being the Shady Lane Hag and harboring two babies at the American Horror Story asylum back in the ‘90s instead of one, both the non-bathtub baby and her dad’s new faux-fiancée are in full-fledged psycho mode. It’s getting more and more difficult to predict who’ll kill the other first…

That’s right: In an elaborately belted twist, the lady-child Gigi, who is so tacky about 100% of her other fashions, purchases an understated engagement ring for herself at the mall. “I played along, thinking it’d lead to some mind-blowing sex, which I was totally right about,” Wes gushes to Grace. Sometimes it’s hard to believe these two are father and daughter! Suddenly convinced that he must’ve both known about the ’95 cover-up and somehow be involved with the murders today, Grace storms off, leaving Professor Dad (if that’s even his real name) to stare himself down in a series of mirrors and close his eyes slowly while thinking of so many shards of life gone wrong. He’s a film teacher; it’s just what they do.