Let's play a little game of two truths and a lie about Jessa and Adam's day together: 1. They went to Coney Island together, where Jessa confronted a magician who owed her $30 for some unexplained reason. 2. Adam is on adorable I-wanna-be-your-boyfriend-mode all afternoon and wins her a fish, which he ultimately murders on the way home. 3. They do not end the day sitting on opposite ends of a couch, looking each other in eyes and furiously masturbating — but not touching one another. GUESS WHICH ONE THING DID NOT HAPPEN?

While her best friend and her ex-boyfriend are probably simultaneously climaxing, Hannah is at her day job, teaching eighth graders about the literary disappointments of Philip Roth's Goodbye Columbus. Mid-lecture, she gets called to the principal's office: Her dad is on the phone, in NYC without explanation, and weeping in his midtown hotel room. Somehow, Principal Toby still hasn't fired Hannah for being completely inappropriate and flakey, and she takes a leave of absence from work for the afternoon to go see what's going on with her dad.

When she gets to her dad's hotel room, Hannah finds out that (obviously) he was in town to meet up with a dude he met online, and (obviously) freaked out about discovering that said dude did not look like his online dating profile picture. Not only that, he left his wallet at the guy's place — it fell out of his pants when he was taking them off, because despite the aforementioned profile pic ish, they had sex — and he wants Hannah to go get it. While they are talking about the retrieval request, Hannah's mom calls, not knowing where her dad is. When Hannah tells her that her dad is in New York, her mom asks her to give him a message: "Tell him I want a fucking divorce."

Hannah doesn't relay that message. But she does head to pick up her dad's wallet at the guy's (Keith! His name is Keith.) apartment. He's sort of adorable when he comes to the door — and he actually looks a lot like Hannah's dad, pre-coming out. They hug. It's the least weird part of this whole situation. Hannah heads back to the hotel to hand over her dad's wallet and they go have lunch, at which point he confesses that he not only had sex with Keith-the-fine-boot-dealer, he had unprotected sex.

Hannah calls Elijah, who's still at work with Ray, and tells him that he needs to come have a real talk with her dad. Much to Ray's dismay, Elijah hightails it on out of there as though "Hannah's having a gay emergency with her gay dad" is a totally valid reason to skip out in the middle of the day. Right before Elijah arrives at the family powwow, Hannah reveals to her dad that her mom wants a divorce. Her dad — who clearly thought this was something they were going to work through together, despite the fact that he's being insanely selfish and sneaky — is shocked. Father and daughter begin ugly crying in the restaurant.

When Elijah walks by and sees them in the window, he decides to skip out on the drama and hit up a bar, instead. (Can't blame him. What a mess those Horvaths are.) Also, it was a good thing he wound up at this particular watering hole, because almost as soon as he sits down a cute dude buys him a drink — a cute dude named Dill.