Rationally I knew that these things happen. Recovery is never linear, everyone's mental health fluctuates, and there's never any shame in going on (or back on) medication if you need it. I wouldn't hesitate to call out anyone saying it about themselves or someone else, but at a deep emotional level I felt like I'd failed. I'd done everything right, taken all the advice, followed all the steps, and yet here I was. I felt like I was back at square one, and that all my hard work had been for nothing. I felt like I'd been naïve, stupid and complacent to believe I was 'fixed'. I was terrified that I'd be stuck in a never-ending cycle of constantly having to start all over again from scratch, only for everything to keep falling apart.