I wanted to cut my hair, lose the flicks and the feathery outlines and allow my natural light grey hue to grow through short and strong. I started the process, and as we all do, I courted opinion from those around me who I knew had my best interests at heart. But nearly everyone I talked to about my new look warned me against it. "You'll look hard." "Your hair looks lovely as it is." The point they were making was simple. They didn't mean to be horrible. Quite the opposite. But they were talking to me through my trans-ness, and being trans meant that I should try to retain or create as much femininity as possible to 'soften my edges' and 'feminise' my face. It played deeply into feelings of dysphoria which still circle, years on from transitioning.