"I don't want to say it scares me, but I’m going through it with open eyes. I sat down with my therapist and she wrote down: 'Tell your doctors and nurses that you had trauma with your last birth. Protect your sleep. Take SSRIs if you have depression again.' I feel so much better having a realistic approach to it. I’m working with myself to feel more prepared in a real way, instead of an aspirational way. Part of what was so hard the first time was not knowing what you were getting into, which makes it easier to idealize. But, now I’m like, okay. If I go a couple of nights without sleeping, that’s bad for me. I don’t want to go into the dark place again. And if I do, I hope I can remember it’s temporary. I feel a lot better. It’s more exciting, because I know what a baby is, and know that they’re not babies forever. When they’re people, I really like them."