I always carried a sense of guilt around – I apologised a lot and I think I still do, although not so often. It wasn’t even big events, maybe just a coffee; it wasn’t holidays or birthdays because I always forced myself to go for those, even if I was in physical agony, so I wouldn’t let somebody down. But the guilt kept building up, it was ridiculous. I felt like I couldn’t afford to lose any more friends, because it had happened in high school and it was happening at uni, too. My abled friends didn’t really get it: as soon as I couldn’t see them as often as they wanted me to, they just cut me off; no matter how good a friend I was. It was kind of like, She let us down six times and we can’t be bothered with her anymore. If more people knew how chronic pain and disability affect people who live with it, they might be more understanding.