This noble hanging Chad will not stand for that typical reality TV nonsense of building up the main love interest with positive affirmations. How could he even KNOW what he loves about JoJo yet? Chad’s gotta be true to himself! He squats, cups her butt, and barely monotones “Will you marry me?” JoJo understandably wants more, since this is her show and he’s supposed to be playing along. “Starting off a little naggy here,” he warns her to the shock of everyone in the newsroom. Later on, though, Chad “redeems himself” in JoJo’s eyes (it helps that she really, really wants him to) (kiss kiss kiss) by insisting he was just joking and also keeping it real. Which is it?! JoJo doesn’t care to find out right now. She’s into the whole “honesty” thing, fingers crossed. “There’s so many different sides of you,” she tells the very obviously unstable guy. “You’re mysterious.” Translation: “You’re hot and I love the drama.”

The next night, everyone in the house has declared Chad “public enemy number one,” according to Alex the marine, and it’s not just because he’s hogging all the munchies. Somehow Chad manages to hit pause on his self-induced challenge of crushing the cold cuts long enough to greet JoJo outside the mansion with a glass of white wine and preemptive “Remember how sexy you think I am once everyone starts badmouthing me” chitchat. It works for a few seconds, but she’s got a lot more guys to mentally undress before the rose ceremony, giving Alex and Chad ample time to snarl at each other across the patio.

Chad pretends to be offended by the attention, referring to his male obsessors as both the Care Bears and the cast of West Side Story, desperate to swarm him with their emotions at any moment. But you know he loves it. He intentionally eggs Alex on by interrupting his time with JoJo (hey, remember her?), then gets up in his face and gently taps him on the nose. “You’re gonna lose your damn teeth,” predicts Chad. To which Alex, admittedly one of the most mature Care Bears of the pack, fires off the ultimate Alex-ish zing, calling Chad “the most disrespectful dude in the entire house. Every single person here knows it.” Wait for it… “You’re a meltdown.” There it is. He’s a meltdown! Not violent enough for you? Well, it’s only Week 2. Have faith.

Alex spends the rose ceremony providing a lofty voiceover about how if Chad gets a rose, Alex will feel “degraded,” and all symbolism of what it means to be rose-worthy will be lost. Aw, sorry bro: This is JoJo’s world, and rose-worthy means good-looking and ready to fight. Chad is here to stay. Following a quick farewell to Will (who I didn’t realize ’til the last minute was a different guy than James Taylor), James S. (the Bachelor superfan I really wish would stick around to provide more deadpan social commentary) and Brandon the hipster, JoJo toasts to her remaining men, many of whom now legit wanna kill each other. Clink!

Coming up: Chad gets (more) physical. We see him shove Erectile Dysfunction out of the frame, but then James Taylor is the one who’s bleeding?! See you next week for a double dose of rose-fueled aggression Monday and Tuesday nights!