"The queer community is so small that working to be friendly or at least amicable with exes is pretty much a necessity," says Carolyn Yates , an editor and writer whose work focuses on sexuality and culture. Yates is still best friends with her first ex, and is close with (or at least friendly with) a handful of other sexual partners . In addition to needing to keep friendships alive because there just aren't that many queer people out there, a lot of queer women want to be friendly with their exes. As a writer named Phoenix wrote for Autostraddle in 2012, the typical cycle of a lesbian heartbreak includes the part where you and an ex become friends again. "Start talking again, and get your friendship back," Phoenix wrote. "Realize how much you’ve missed her! Not her in your arms, or her in your bed, but her as a person. She knows you so well, and vice versa."