Hollywood loves an everyman. He's just like any average guy, except sometimes he wins the lottery, or snags a kiss from a vampire, or bursts into flames while riding his hog, realizing he's under the employ of the Devil himself. But no matter what sort of pickle he may find himself in, he's always sure to land an exceptionally beautiful female co-star. (Not that the movies treat men and women differently or anything.)

There is perhaps no average schmo more average or more convincingly a schmo than Nicolas Cage, who is celebrating 52 years among us on January 7. From alcoholics and criminals to Wall Street hot shots and mysterious strangers, there seems to be no manner of deeply flawed, utterly unremarkable men he hasn't embodied on-screen.

And yet somehow, he's managed to romance one gorgeous screen goddess after another, even when his wig looks like blowdried taxidermy. (It should be noted that this list could very well have been based on hair comparisons alone). Ahead, every time Cage's love interest was absurdly out of his league.