It was as though I’d been returned to the world from a blackout – like I’d been on a serious bender for the past month and this was the ‘What the hell did I do last night?’ moment, times a million. I felt like I needed to contact everybody in my phone in that ‘apologise to everybody for everything I’ve ever done’ panicked dread. But before I knew it, all the feelings that I’d been fighting against came flooding back. After a few sweet hours of sedated sleep, all my racing, looping, intrusive thoughts surged back and all I could do was lie there, looking at the ceiling, and say, ‘Oh no. Oh God. Oh God. Oh God.’