Dear Kelsey,

Recently, I called off an engagement that has been years in the making. I seriously walked away from the perfect guy. Women stare at him with open jaws, and I catch major shade. He is smart, articulate, well-versed in pop culture, and honestly the sweetest, kindest, and most thoughtful human being in the history of the world. He wanted to offer me the world. The wedding of my dream, a house in the suburbs, and probably the most good-looking children (besides the Beckhams, unfortunately — damn those jawlines!) to ever pitter-patter the earth.

So what’s wrong with me? I just don't feel the spark of what used to be there. I've tried this "rekindling" that has always been suggested to me, but after a while, I got tired of the damn flame going out.

I have been accused of being selfish and ungrateful. How can I be so careless as to let such a perfect specimen of a man get away? How can I throw everything away to join the hordes of soulless, uncoupled women? (At least, this is the vibe I catch). Is it wrong to want to be my own person? I have hurt him, my family, and my friends. And on some level, I'm hurt too. We've been together so long, I've forgotten what it was like to be alone. But mostly, I sort of feel relief.

But the temptation to crawl back is always there. Life was so easy, and I was so comfortable. But I know that going back is not the answer. I rack my brain for a solution to repair all the relationships that have been a result of collateral damage (my parents barely speak to me, and I've lost a lot of friends in the process).

What do I do? I fear that time is the only solution here, but the lingering threat of loneliness is more than I can handle.

Please Help,

Millennial Lone Wolf

Dear Millennial Lone Wolf,

I don’t know you — your age, your personal history, etc. But upon reading your letter, I couldn’t help but make two immediate assumptions. First, you are young. And second, you are growing up.

I suppose those are both relative terms that could technically apply to anyone. But when I envision you, I see a woman standing at the intersection between young adult and adult — full stop. For some of us, it happened when we realized, maybe we didn’t want the career we set out for in college, so we went to grad school and started on a new path. For others, it happened when we stopped taking money from our parents and felt the slightly scary freedom of truly supporting ourselves. But we’re all familiar with this crossroad, because we’ve been there, too.

What’s wrong with you, you ask? Nothing. Everything. You’ve just taken a wrecking ball to one of the primary structures in your life. Even if your fiancé weren’t allegedly perfect (more on that in a sec), this was a person you were planning to have in your life every single day, and to build a family with. Whoever he was as a person, he had an important role in your story, and in walking away from him, that story has inevitably, irrevocably changed. Of course it’s disruptive, to say the least — change always is. But when the dust settles (and it always does), I think you’ll see both your ex and yourself in a clearer light.

On to Mr. Perfect: He’s super hot, I get it. Sure, he has other attributes (Thoughtfulness is great! Being well-versed in pop culture? I mean, sure!), but it seems like most of what you saw in him was what you could literally see. At least, his physical attractiveness seems to be the primary reason you feel crazy for breaking up with him. Given that, I have to wonder if perhaps you were with him for superficial reasons in the first place — and maybe something inside of you finally woke up and realized that.