She continued: "But, on that first day that I was introduced into that world, this thing came out on the internet that felt, to me, like pure commerce. It felt like the opposite of the kind of person that they'd want there. And I had a total identity crisis about who I was, what I was doing, and how to balance art and commerce; if they could come together," Hawke told us. "[I was thinking about] 'What is beauty,' and 'How do I use it to the best of what it's worth without having to [compromise] my life and what's important'...I had a huge meltdown pretty much all throughout New York Fashion Week this year."