Are you good in arguments? Can you get the words out without crying, stuttering or just saying it wrong? Do you long for Kevin Spacey’s chilling delivery as he confronts his cheating wife at the drive-through counter in American Beauty? For the compelling passion of Ryan Gosling as he asks Rachel McAdams what she wants?

In almost all life situations, I suck at confrontation. I find it surprisingly (considering my job) difficult to state my case, dilly-dallying around until I finally piece together what I really wanted to say three hours later at the traffic lights on my cycle home. In a relationship argument however, I’m unbeatable. I can be horribly cutting, blithely manipulative and have a mean, mean ability to a) talk myself out of things and b) turn the situation around.

After a particularly painful breakup, I googled “best break up scenes” and spent hours crying into them. It made me feel better to wallow alongside the best actors of my generation. Because despite differences in plot, context, and the fact that most of these are fiction, relationship arguments are all the same really: two people with the ability to hurt each other, hurting each other.

So for the heartbreakers, the heartbroken, and the emotionally obsessed, here’s 12 harrowing scenes to feel something to.