If you approach someone about abuse and he or she brushes you off, what can you do?

"I like to let people know that there are resources available to them. One of the things that we have at Safe Horizon is a 24-hour hotline, and you can call and just talk to someone at any point. The number for that hotline is 1-800-621-HOPE, and that’s the New York City domestic violence hotline, and the reason I give that number is because people may want to reach out for support at midnight, or seven in the morning, or a time that’s kind of on their own terms — not necessarily when their friend is asking them questions.

"And the other thing is that you can talk to someone about your relationship and not necessarily have to make any changes. I think a lot of people think, If I reach out and I call Safe Horizon or I talk to someone about my relationship, that means I have to make a decision about what to do, and they may feel like, That means I have to leave, and that someone is going to tell them they have to leave or do something they don’t want to do, and that’s not the case at all. I really stress to people that you can talk to someone just to get more information... Our job is not to tell you what to do. Our job is to help be a support for you as you figure out what you want to do about your relationship — so if you can convey that message to your friend, that there’s people you can talk to, even if you just have questions... [They're] not people who are going to tell you what to do or what your next steps have to be. They’re going to be people who can help you explore what options are available to you."

How do you recommend someone respond when a survivor confides in him or her?

"I would first start by acknowledging what they said and say, 'Thank you for sharing this with me. Maybe it was difficult to tell me this, so I really appreciate you reaching out to me for support,' and say, 'I’d like to help you get connected to some people [with whom] you can talk more about this.' I think one of the tricky things that happens when it’s your friend or family member is you try to be both things for that person — you try to be the friend and the therapist, or the person who’s going to solve all their problems, and all you have to do is be their friend and let them know that you’re there to support them."

What does an unproductive response look like?

"It can be not productive to say, 'Oh, that’s terrible, nobody should treat you that way,' or it can also be not productive to say 'Oh, I’m going to go talk to your husband or your boyfriend'… That can actually pose a big safety risk, going to talk to that person about the relationship. A lot of times, domestic violence exists because of secrecy around it: It’s happening behind closed doors, and once that violence gets exposed, it can cause safety issues for that individual [who has experienced abuse]. I really want people not to try to take action in that relationship and try to intervene, because that may not be what’s safest for the survivor."