What follows is my interview with my partner after our first sex party (either individually or together), conducted over Gchat, condensed and lightly edited for clarity.

Him: You ready to have this out in the open?

Me: I don't want to write a whole fastidious first-person thing about it

It feels too...on-the-nose

But I like the idea of showing a glimpse of how I REALLY figure out how I feel about sex stuff

Which as often as anything is talking with you

Him: That's a good column idea

Me: Haha thanks. Then it feels casual, like this is a part of my life. Not like It Happened To Me: I'm A Crazy Bitch Who Went To A Real Live Sex Party OMG

That's not how I feel about it

It feels like a (fun, sexy) extension of our relationship, not like a Revelation

Him: I've always liked characterizing it as an adventure. This time, on Sexy Super Friends — Orgy You Glad I Didn't Say "Sex Party"

You can workshop the title

Me: Bahhh

You in?

Him: Yes'm

Me: Thank you so much for joining us on The Bed Post Gchat today, baby. Before we get started, how does it feel to be the man behind the sex curtain, the unnamed Partner of my most intimate online writing?

Him: Hahaha, it feels wonderful

Yeah, I mean I guess it feels natural for me to be a part of your writing...you've always been very diligent about checking in with me when you want to bring me into a column or article

Me: Oh good

It's so important to me that you feel safe and comfortable and good about it all

We've been on the list for this sex party for a while. Why now?

Him: When I really think about it, our sex life was a little bit in a rut at the moment

And I kinda think we wanted an adventure

Me: I agree...and we had been thinking about this for so long and psyching ourselves up that I feel like we were ready

Him: But I also think you pushed for it; I was interested but I think if it were up to me I don't know if we would've taken the leap

Not that I didn't want to do it, but I think I was more trepidatious

Me: I'm a corrupting influence

Him: Hahaha that you certainly are

But, okay, lemme ask you this. Do you ever feel pressure, considering your profession, that maybe you can't have bad sex?

Me: Hey, I'M the interviewer here

Him: I dunno, I feel it sometimes, as your partner I feel that way

Me: Oof

No

I think it's more that I feel if I'm not satisfied, I have an obligation to do something about it that's somehow bigger than just me

Him: And that's hard

But maybe we've digressed

Me: Hah yes

It was an A+ move on our part to go to the PG mixer the week before the party

See that other people were nervous like us

Make some franz

(One of whom would turn out to be more than just a friend, foreshadowing)

Him: Hahaha

That pre-event sort of demystified the whole thing

I think it reminded me that a sex party is first and foremost about having a good (safe and consensual) time

Instead of some big dramatic thing

Me: Because of the presentation by the woman who ran us through the "do"s and "don't"s?

Him: That was a big part of it

Talking with people was also part of it. And talking with you

I think we set really clear boundaries and goals and that made me feel so much more comfortable to go with the flow

Me: So this presentation was about boundaries, expectations, and desires

Was that helpful to you?