It took me a while to understand that, by covering up my supposedly intimidating attributes, I wasn’t “fixing” myself; I just wasn’t being true to myself. It’s an odd realization to make, because part of what makes dating so complicated is the idea that you need to perform for the person sitting in front of you. People have written over and over again how first dates are like interviews, and that you have to put on a shinier version of yourself so as to not scare away the person across from you. I believe that to a certain extent — I won’t open up and spill all of my neuroses on the table right away, even though I overthink everything. But I now also believe that you need to still be yourself, not the person you think your date wants you to be . At a certain point, the jig will be up, and then what kind of relationship will you be left with? And frankly, attempting to even figure out what people want from you — and what they deem “intimidating” — is a losing battle.