If that makes you nervous, Garrison suggests an exercise he uses with his clients, called, "I need less, I need more, and I really loved it when." Basically, you can use those prompts to tell your partner what you were into and what, well, sucked. For example, you could say, "I need less hair grabbing. I need more face cradling. I really loved it when we kissed the other day, because of the way our bodies touched, our tongues played together versus fighting against each other, and it felt like all time had stopped right there." The reason why this works is because it incorporates "I" statements , it emphasizes what you value, and provides a concrete reference of when it went swimmingly, he says.