To start, one person in a couple acts as the "sender" and the other one is the "receiver." The sender has the floor first, and can talk about their perspective on whatever the topic or issue is, Derhally says. For example, they might say, I got really upset the other day when I was trying to help you, and you raised your voice. Then, when they're done, the receiver has to summarize exactly what the sender said, without offering their own analysis or interpretation, Derhally says. They would say, So you're saying you were upset because you were trying to help, and I raised my voice. "The person listening has the hardest job, because they have to listen carefully and repeat it back to see if they got it," Sears says.