There's also sort of a rebellious pleasure and relief when you feel like you're in charge of your plans. "You're reasserting control, and that's a sign that you got roped into the plans in the first place," Dr. Bonior says. "It's like, You made me say yes, but I wasn't allowed to say no, so now I'm asserting control." Now that, I get. I have very solid, lasting friendships with people I see IRL when I want to. But when certain plans happen in certain scenarios that I don't enjoy (like going to a loud bar) actually roll around, the thought of ripping myself away from the thing I have going on alone (petting my dog, watching Vanderpump Rules, scrolling through my phone — pressing stuff) just isn't worth it, so I cancel. Taking Dr. Bonior's advice, what I should be doing is just changing the plans so that they're actually something I want to do.