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Illustrated by Abbie Winters.

Say this.

The best way to share the news is to just be matter of fact. "I tell them very calmly, 'There are a couple of things you need to know if you want to have sex with me,'" Manta says. Then, she suggests, tell your future partner you have herpes, and explain what that means for you. Manta often immediately offers up that she’s on very effective medication that can suppress outbreaks; in fact, she can often go for six months or even a year without an outbreak.

And the truth is, just because she has herpes doesn’t mean she’ll definitely pass it on to her partners. There are many things you can do to reduce the risk of infecting a new partner. "You can significantly reduce the risk if you take viral meds, use condoms, and don’t have sex during outbreaks," Dr. Hook says. "Taking antiviral meds alone reduces the likelihood of spreading it by more than 50%. All of us who regularly take care of patients with genital herpes will tell you that we have lots of patients who have been involved in long-term sexual relationships for years who have not transmitted their infections to sex partners."