Somehow, I had transitioned from a male to a female from the waist up but remained male or a "dangerous female" from the waist down. I felt desperately uncomfortable whenever I used the toilet as I knew that certain eyes were always on me and that certain colleagues felt that I shouldn't be in the shared space until I had the operation. I began to wonder if the noise I made peeing was the same as them, I was terrified of not fitting in and terrified of not pleasing people who seemed, at least on the surface, to want to support me. There were days when I avoided using the toilet, when I felt too conscious of the views in the room. There were days when my bladder was so full it hurt. This is a common experience, especially for young trans pupils at school – rather than focus on schoolwork and being aspirational, they have to spend the whole day focussing on holding in urine.