Home Alone is a holiday-movie staple for millennial kids. Christmas spirit aside, the real magic in seeing a child live out our secret fantasy: total freedom — and whooping some adult ass. Who didn't imagine how awesome it would be to have the house all to themselves? (Call me a Scrooge, but during peak family-bonding time, the hoard of relatives can be so overwhelming that I may still daydream about an empty house. Just for a day.)

We were all a little jealous of Kevin McCallister, livin' the dream. Yeah, the premise was a little unlikely, and the series of events that led to Kevin being left behind a little too contrived — but the point is, it was convincing enough to suspend our disbelief for two hours.

The movie turns 25 this week, and delightful as it still is in 2015, the construct just doesn't hold up. Technology makes it easier for parents to check up on their kid than ever before — even from a continent away. And a lot of the McCallisters' problems would be easily solved by some handy, modern-day apps and services. Not to go all Luddite about the whole thing, but while it's fun to ponder the plausibility of a childhood favorite today, it's also kind of a bummer. Damn you, technology! Here are 12 reasons why Home Alone could never happen today.