My horizon has expanded a little more with each passing month. Since spring I have been a participant in a clinical trial and these daily tablets have worked miracles on my tumours. At the moment the cancer is under control but that could change at any time. I currently have MRI and CT scans every three months to monitor my health, and I live to this rhythm. Anxiety kicks in as soon as I receive the appointment letter. I cycle through all the possible scan outcomes in my head and inevitably settle on the worst-case scenario. Over the last couple of years I’ve become more accustomed to bad news than good – and at each scan I convince myself that my luck has run out. I don’t avoid these fears, but I quieten them by looking at the past: I’ve overcome so many problems that seemed impossible at first, so why do I need to worry about the future right now? I’ll see it when it gets here. As soon as I have the results – good or bad – I feel certain enough to plan the next three months of my life.