And I am so mad at myself for not loving that dog better or appreciating her more or putting her on joint supplements or cleaning her teeth or getting her a little staircase to get up to our bed or sleeping on the floor with her that last night or just walking her longer or better or whatever I could have done to show her more that I loved her and I never would have made it through those unhealthy relationships and the short-lived law career and those hard, early days of motherhood without her. I should have at least filled up her bowl a little higher these last few weeks. In the end, I threw away five days worth of beef and rice.