And then, and then. This year at Glastonbury I asked my friend, the Kardashian aficionado, if she had any lipstick I could borrow. I’d left mine on the other side of the festival and wasn’t much tempted to wade through mud for an hour in search of my Ruby Woo. And so she offered up what she had on her: Kylie Jenner’s bloody lip kit. I balked. “C’mon,” she said. “You’ll like it, it’s really good.” And so up at the Park stage I let her apply Mary Jo K on me. She could barely contain her glee in finally getting me to abandon all my principles and smear that Jenner-branded red goop all over my lips.

And? Reader, it was, well, wonderful. Transformative even. I was horrified.

And it wasn’t just me who appreciated its lip plumping properties and velvety finish. I had friends old and new telling me how great it looked. “But it’s Kylie Jenner's lip kit!” I wailed in reply, deeply conflicted. I had to face facts: it was a damn good product, and not one that I’ve come across elsewhere. And just like Lionel, it lasts all night long. Seriously, it budges for nothing.

So despite the Kardashian-Jenner beauty aesthetic, one that riffs off of plastic surgery and contouring – things that couldn't be further away from my own beauty ideals, I decided there was only one thing for it. I was going to have to line the pockets of one of the richest families in American entertainment even further. I was going to have to get one.

Now, this stuff isn’t exactly easy to procure. Jenner’s lip kits regularly sell out within minutes of being restocked. After going online, weeping as I typed the words “Kylie Jenner lip kit buy” into Google, I soon discovered it was completely sold out. More tears. I mentioned this to my friend and she said she’d give me the heads up on when a new batch was to be released. After all, she followed a Twitter account called @lipkitupdate which lets you know when a colour was restocked. Thank god.

Then one day I got the text. “Lip kits dropping at 6pm GMT. Be fast!”