Co-op food wrote back with an explanation, and it all sounds very scientific. "We can assure you this was not a condom," their representative commented in no uncertain terms. "On inspection of the jam supplied, the substance was found to be a solidified white foam," they explained. "Foam is often created when boiling up fruit in a high sugar solution (such as jams and jellies). This foaming is usually controlled by an anti-foaming agent which is added to the product during manufacture. On this occasion, it appears that the anti-foaming agent did not adequately control the foam." But how did that foam get to look like a condom? There's an explanation for that, too: "As the jar passed along the production line, the movement of the jar rolled and folded the foam layer in a way that resembled a condom." At least they admitted there was an uncanny resemblance — and showed some sympathy. "I am really sorry, Troy, as this must have been quite alarming for you, as it was for us!" another comment read. "I have asked my colleague to call you back today to discuss with you, and hope we can make amends." They battled it out in the comment section for a while and arranged a phone call. Hawkins' last comments were "this has been resolved with the coop to both parties' satisfaction" and "it was a bit chewy," so we can only imagine what happened. However this story ended, we're glad he seems content — and that he didn't eat that thing, regardless of what it was.