In other words, those who end up in successful polyamorous relationships have to actively choose them , as Elisabeth A. Sheff, PhD, wrote last month in Psychology Today. It's highly unlikely that someone would just stumble into a polyamorous relationship without talking about it extensively with their partners, and have everything run smoothly. For a poly relationship to work, all parties have to be consenting and able to effectively communicate needs and boundaries, so that they're happy in the relationship — and that takes a lot of self-responsibility, according to Dr. Sheff. "Self-responsibility comes about not only when people consider what they want and ultimately choose polyamory, but in how they handle their relationships," Dr. Sheff wrote. "Everyone has an ultimate personal responsibility in their relationships — monogamous, polyamorous, or otherwise. Making choices and living with the consequences is part of being self-responsible."