The point is to keep this private, caring, and clear. Beating around the bush may seem gentler, but to someone in the grip of ED, anything left open to interpretation will almost certainly be interpreted the wrong way.Most people know that eating disorders aren’t just about food or weight. But most people don’t really understand the possessive quality of this illness. By that, I mean it can possess you like a demon, blotting out reality, speaking through your mouth, and sharpening your skills of defense to an almost magical degree. I don’t mean to glamorize these disorders (as they so often are, unfortunately), but to remind you that you’re more likely in for a fight than a hug.“Be prepared to be met with denial or defensiveness,” says Mysko, adding: “Remember that it doesn't help to get into a battle.” If things turn toward an argument, don’t take the bait. Remain calm and stay on message: You are a friend, and you’re willing to help. There is nothing more frustrating than staying neutral when someone’s trying to fight with you, but there is nothing more powerful either. That wily demon will see that you are onto its tricks, and somewhere inside, your friend will see you, too. She’ll see the lifeline.And she might not take it. “You might not get through the first time, or even the 10th time,” says Mysko. “But do keep trying, in a calm and compassionate way.” Perhaps enlist mutual friends you trust, with discretion. This is not about ganging up on her (or doing anything that might look like ganging up). But this is not and cannot be your responsibility alone. Choose allies carefully, but do choose them. Then work together to be the most effective support system you can be. Reminds Mysko: “The best thing you can do as a friend is to educate yourself about eating disorders.”When in doubt, remember that this is not about you solving her problems, or even diagnosing them. You don’t need to do any of that to be a good friend. Really, the only thing you’re capable of is extending that lifeline between her and the help she needs. You can’t control whether she takes it, ignores it, or throws it back in your face. The important part is that you, and everyone around her, just keep tossing the lifeline back out there.And, remember, there are lifelines out there for you, too:If you suspect you or someone you know is dealing with an eating disorder, please go to the National Eating Disorders Association for resources, online support, and guides to local professionals. You can also call the free, confidential NEDA Helpline at 1-800-931-2237.