So how do you know if you're discussing other couples in a productive way? "There's a category of conversations we have where we're not being mean — we're just talking about things we don't like in other people," Dr. Bosson says. For example, Dr. Bosson suggests you say something along the lines of, "Hey, did you notice they were arguing a lot during dinner?" and then say something like, "We don't argue like that, but it bothered me that they did." In some cases, it might feel easier to express your boundaries and preferences by talking about another couple's behavior, because it gives you a less personal peg and takes the pressure off. (Of course, if there are actual pressing issues in your relationship, then you'll usually want to tackle those head on.)