In 2016, Refinery29 polled over 3,000 women ages 18 to 49 in cities across the U.S. and U.K. to find out where having their first child landed on a list of important life goals. It was number 16 out of 20 — behind setting financial goals (No. 1), buying a home (No. 9), having fun (No. 14), and travel (No. 15). Does that mean these women are opting out of motherhood? Probably not. ( Pew Center analysis of data from the National Center for Health Statistics says there are more than 16 million millennial moms in the U.S.) But it does reveal that while what it means to be a parent — or a self-possessed and successful woman — has evolved and expanded over the years, the stories portraying these milestones and expectations have been sluggish to keep up. So it’s hard to envision what being a mom will even look like before we’re faced with a first smear of meconium. (Baby’s first poop! And now you know.)