Option A) Dump him, cry, and never look back. You don’t need this casual, lazy misogyny. Option B) Keep him around, and keep him talking. These are both totally valid choices, and both will be difficult. But please note there is no Option C. I won’t tell you what to do, but I will implore, urge, and perhaps even screech at you to please, please, do not stay in this relationship and just learn to be cool with him not giving a shit. It’s bad enough that, as a human, he doesn’t seem to care about the problems facing his fellow female humans. But it’s even worse that he claims to love you, a woman, and still doesn’t care. It’s double-plus-bonus worse that you plan to make a career out of advocating for women’s issues and you’re with someone so aggressively apathetic. I’ll tell you that much for damn sure. And I’ll tell you another thing: You need a wake-up call, too. Look at the way you’re coddling this guy, even in your letter. You say he’s “old-school” and that you’re “lucky that he is open to discussing this.” Woman, come on. Being open to discussing the things that matter to you is not some premium perk in a relationship. It’s a given. He doesn’t get extra points for that. And, I’m sorry, but, “old-school?” Oh yeah, I’m sure it was super nice for women back in the old days when men always held the door open and paid for dinner. That really softened the blow of not having the legal right to vote. I get it. You love him. Life is complicated. If you stay in this relationship — or any relationship — you will have to compromise, and so will your partner. Even A+ boyfriends will never be perfect, and guess what? Neither will you. But some things, you don’t concede, because to do so would compromise your very sense of self. That’s not okay. And no one who actually loves you would want you to do that. This is a conflict, but it shouldn’t be a fight. People learn by listening, and it’s hard to listen when you’re on the defense. So, no matter what you decide, try to make this a good, heartfelt talk. If you go, let him know exactly why you’re going. If you stay, tell him what you need to change. Infuriating though it may be, it’s much easier to brush aside issues when they’re just “politics.” But this is personal, and he needs to understand that. Then he will have a choice to make, too: Will he stay and start really engaging with you on this, not just because it’s important in the big picture, but important to you? Or is this something he just can’t get on board with? Either way, you will have done something good. You will have encouraged him to consider this, finally, for real. You may not get the answer you want. But you will know that, at long last, you’ve made him start questioning. Sincerely,

Kelsey