I quickly adjusted to the noise and temperature — like jumping into a pool — and it started to feel downright refreshing. Heather went over each inch of my skin very slowly, then it was onto the mask. First, she checked that I wasn't claustrophobic — I'm not — before cutting a piece of cheesecloth, applying it over my face, and piling on the mask, a thick orange goop that felt great and quickly firmed as it set. Most facialists leave the room for a bit at this point, but Heather continued my neck and shoulder massage. (At this point, I was feeling #blessed in the most earnest way.)

After the mask was removed, she topped my skin off with a few more formulas — at least I think she did, I was so relaxed at this point, I can't fully remember the order of the products — and then, did another round of oxygen to seal it all in again. Which, after the soothing massage and masking, was far less invigorating the second time around. But, you know, all in a day's work. (Kidding.) Before I knew it, the jet wind had ceased and over a grand had been spent.

Leaving the spa, my skin looked insane. Insanely amazing, that is. My visage glowed, every fine line was smoothed out, my complexion looked dewier than ever before. It was too good to waste, but unfortunately, I had no red carpet to walk onto, so I headed to Trader Joe's, instead. If there was ever a night to meet my soul mate in the frozen-foods aisle, it was tonight.

Real talk: I don't think I've ever seen my skin look so beautiful — which makes sense, because while there are long-term skin-evening properties to the facial (I will report back if anything miraculous happens in the next few months), any treatment that plumps the skin with oxygen is temporary and meant to be done before a big event, like the wedding to your supermarket soul mate.

Heather promised my glow would last somewhere between three days and a week, but that first-night radiance did start to diminish by the next morning. If you want to do this for a big event, I recommend scheduling it for the morning of, not the day before, because that initial glow deserves to be shown off immediately.

A few days later and my skin still looks and feels great — incredibly soft and smooth, radiant, and more clear in tone — but I haven't noticed fewer brown spots, which I was told I might. (I am very fair and have a lot of spots. I like my freckles, but I'm not so into the melasma and old blemish marks.) That glow, though? I'll always remember it fondly.

My one regret? Showing up approximately three minutes before my appointment. The Montage Spa is the kind of place you could spend a few hours in: There is a co-ed, mineral-laced jacuzzi big enough for a small army to relax in — or a private hot tub in the ladies' locker room, if that's more your speed. There's also a sauna, steam room, lounge with fruit and tea, showers, vanities with outlets, and everything else you'd need to put yourself together after an afternoon of rest.

I know I'll definitely make use of the mineral pool on my next visit, which I plan to schedule right after I win our office lotto pool...