Whether we consciously acknowledge it or not, we all have an ideal scenario of what our relationship with our mum would look like now that we’re adults, Boykin says. And if you don't have the idealized Lorelei-and-Rory bond that you imagined, "you have to give yourself space to grieve the fact that you may never have that with the mother that you were born to or given," she says. The next step would be figuring out where you can get those needs met by other adult women who you admire and could serve as surrogate mother-figures. Instead, focus on cultivating those relationships and developing a "tribe of women," who build you up, she says.