But what if wool makes you itchy and real cashmere is too rich for your blood, and you'd rather get your apples from Whole Foods instead of trekking upstate for a bushel that'll go bad long before you can stuff them all into pies, and you still haven't overcome the trauma from the time you sliced straight through the tip of your index finger carving pumpkins in the fifth grade? What if... you don't want to smell like the olfactory equivalent of a sweater?