I know now that all of his actions are considered signs of a controlling relationship . Every last one. Constant criticism, conditions on affection, punishments, isolating someone from friends and family, making someone "earn" affection — those were all factors that kept our relationship running under the guise of "love."It went on like this for a year, even as I began to recognize that this was a toxic relationship. It was only when he was hired to work as an actor on a cruise ship that I began to see my way out. The period of time before he shipped out saw the worst depression I've ever experienced, because I knew — absolutely — that this relationship was destroying me. He had quit his day job and quickly went through all of his money, so I let him move into my studio apartment to save him rent. I silently acquiesced to his needs and told myself that this was what I deserved.Maybe the worst part was that I stopped performing almost entirely, because he harshly judged every performance I did and would punish me when he felt I "could do better." This made me feel like I was just performing for his approval. Luckily, I was still allowed to write, because it meant I stayed home "waiting" for him. Writing was all I had that was mine. Everything else in my life was supposed to belong to him. I was supposed to bow down before his every desire.The day he left, I didn’t miss him. I relished my newfound freedom by rekindling my friendships that I had let slip away. I went out. I relaxed.But I wasn’t yet free. Devin required me to check in with him every night and every morning via text. If I didn't tell him when I was going to bed, he would call me the next day and berate me. It finally came crashing down a week to the day I was going to go visit him on the ship. I had fallen asleep before texting him goodnight, so the next morning he called me. His tone was super-flat as he interrupted my greeting to say, "So this clearly isn't working out." He said we were done, and then he hung up. I laid on my bed, numb. I wasn’t even sure what had just happened. Minutes later, he called me to say, "I forgot that you were coming out here next week. You can still come if you want."I told him I didn’t want to come out there. He threatened never to talk to me again, and that's when my attitude fully shifted. "Good," I said.I hung up, already feeling my confidence rising. I texted my best friend Meghan and asked if I could come over. Like a true friend, Meghan said she had a coupon for Pizza Hut, and this seemed like the most opportune time to redeem that coupon.She texted: "Come over. Let’s get Pizza Hut."I put on a pair of jean shorts that he hated. I wore my glasses that he disliked to such an extent that he made me cry in a LensCrafters. The person assisting me that day even said, "This guy and his opinions are not worth it," while I wiped my tears and paid for the new glasses I had been excited about only moments before. I looked in the mirror and knew that I was fucking beautiful. It didn’t matter what Devin thought.On my walk to Meghan's, everything became clear. All the red flags, all the fights, all the insults, all the times he would scream at me in public and abandon me at bus stops in the middle of the night, all the times he didn’t call, all the times he called me crazy, all of his radio silences, all his yelling, all the times I felt sick with worry and pain because I had displeased him so much — it was like I was a slave to everything he wanted. Everything shifted into focus. Fuck him. Devin derailed my life and I let it happen, but now I was free. Finally.