UnReal is officially back. And it certainly didn't waste any time before getting back down into the manipulative, deeply satisfying muck that is the genius of this show. But before we dig into what happened in the season premiere, let's quickly recap where things landed with the last one:

Quinn and Chet called their relationship quits after Quinn found out that Chet got a blowjob from Madison, the super young and sneakily ambitious production assistant-turned-producer; but Quinn did wind up with control of Everlasting, even if it's not quite as autonomous as she would have liked. Rachel and Adam are officially over (although we've been promised that he'll be showing up at some point in season two), and now that Jeremy knows how hard Rachel betrayed him he's basically out for her blood.

Quinn and Rachel, on the other hand, are newly recommitted to their friendship and work wife relationship — which brings us to item one from season two, in the aptly-titled episode "War." The women having brand spankin' new matching tattoos on their inner wrists that map to their shared priorities, in this order: money, dick, power. Not exactly classy, but then again that's not generally something these two are concerned about.

Next, Quinn and Rachel head to Vegas to pitch their latest Everlasting bachelor, which involves doing a bunch of blow and getting totally wasted in a huge hotel suite with said bachelor's entourage. In case you've missed all the buzz, this season is a BFD because there's a Black man looking for love on their show, pro quarterback Darius Beck. Rachel pushed this one through and is super self-congratulatory about bringing a Black bachelor to network television. "It was ME," she yells as she's getting pounded against a glass window. "We're going to make HISTORY!!" (Whatever you have to tell yourself to sleep at night, girlfriend.)

But nothing about this is going to be seamless of course: Quinn and Rachel (who will heretofore be referred to at The Dream Team, a.k.a. TDT) still have to sell the Black bachelor to the network president. Quinn promises major ratings, and also assures major drama via the contestants: They've got a Black Lives Matter activist from Berkeley aboard, along with a "hot racist." TDT promises that the contestants will be "at each other’s throats from night one" — a prediction that mostly comes true, though not without some bumps along the way.

Because — the thing is — Chet has done a turnabout (nope, we're not surprised either) and now he wants the show back. He's been on some goofball paleo retreat and believes he has rediscovered the secret to gender harmony, which basically translates to the idea that underneath all this feminist malarky what women really want is for men to take the power reigns back. (Um, sure Chet.) Also of note: He's lost 40 pounds and gotten off drugs. We'll see how long that last part continues.