Luvvie Ajayi is the author of New York Times best-seller I'm Judging You: The Do-Better Manual. The views expressed here are her own.I forced myself to go to sleep around 1 a.m. I wanted to keep hope, even for five more hours. I can usually find bright spots in situations. There are none for me here. I feel doomed.I wanted to wake up this morning celebrating the first woman president. Instead, I wake up with strong confirmation that the country I pledge allegiance to doesn’t care about me, or anyone who isn’t a straight white man. And that America would do anything to protect white supremacy, including electing a man who the KKK endorsed.I am heartbroken for where we just found ourselves. Eight years of having a Black president and the U.S. lost its complete mind, and the racists got fresh air and here they are. Repping hard. I am heartbroken because I don’t know what to do next. So I’ll just write.And cuss a lot. Because: FUCK EVERYTHING.And honestly, I’m heartbroken for Hillary Clinton. Because you can spend 30 years working in public service, you can change your stances and say you’ve made mistakes you want to atone for. And you can be the picture of grace even as an orangutan in a wig yells at you. AND YOU CAN WIN THE POPULAR VOTE (she won by 200,000-plus votes ). But you can still lose the race you have spent your life preparing for — and to a troll who will be the first EVER president of the U.S. who has no government or military experience and was a reality TV star. I feel for her. I feel deeply for her. That Hillary Clinton lost this election is a stunning loss. But we learned of the demographics of those who voted against her, and I am even more shocked: 53% of white women voted for Donald Trump . Now sit here and point fingers at Black people for this result, Beauty and the Beast face asses. Stockholm Syndrome-having gallivanting goats.Nothing is as determined as a desperate white man who feels like he’s losing his position in the web of oppression he created. But nothing is sadder than the woman who has bought in to her own subjugation.This proved that white women are swimming so deep in the pool of internalized patriarchy that they’d rather vote for a rapist than another woman they "don’t trust."I mean. Wow. Who taught you to hate yourselves? As folks rah-rahed about pantsuits, your friends and neighbors stepped into the voting booth and cast their votes for the opponent, who has constantly denigrated women and done all he could to disrespect us.As folks put stickers on the grave of Susan B. Anthony, thanking her for their right to vote, their sisters and aunties marked their ballots in support of a man who gave Howard Stern permission to call his daughter Ivanka “a nice piece of ass.”Self-hate is a bitch, ain’t it?Black women? Well we showed the fuck up and did what was right. We always do. So this is not on us. The spirit of Ida B. Wells taught us better. We voted without the protection of the Voting Right Acts. We showed up. I have very few kind things to say right now, and I am enraged and I AM in the space where I want to point fingers. This is a collective fail.First, those who refused to vote because “my votes don’t matter.” I do mean it when I say “Fuck you sincerely.” There were states where HRC lost by less than 1,000 votes.To the third-party voters who insisted on “voting their conscience” — in spite of what doing that could mean in a REAL way when their candidates had no chance to win — like the folks in Florida, who knew that voting for Gary Johnson or Jill Stein could be the decider of who the electoral college’s votes go to.I resent these people because YOU have common sense and you are logical human beings. Yet you are “standing on principles.” All to prove what point?To the COWARDS all around us who secretly supported a demagogue and came out in droves: 53% of white women voted for Donald Trump; 53%. These aren’t women who are uneducated, either. And to the cowards who run the GOP who couldn’t know integrity if it slapped them in the face: This man has been spurred forward by people who had the power to stop him but didn’t find the courage.And I know people are trying to find ways to be comforting, but saying, “We have lived through worse,” isn’t helping, either. Because the last time Republicans controlled the White House, Senate AND House was 1928. You know what happened the year after? The Great Depression. The moment Trump took a lead in the Electoral College, the Dow Jones dropped 800 points. The last time this trifling trifecta happened, Jim Crow was alive and well. WE haven’t lived through worse. Our ancestors did, and TRUST they would not have wanted us to live through it again and they died fighting so we wouldn’t have to.