I’m just going to say it. I think you have a problem with commitment. Or maybe doorbells, I dunno. Either way, I went through all this with Yolanda from Yodel and Hermes Harry, and frankly I respect myself too much to go there again. I don’t need you, okay? I know the shouty note I taped to the letterbox asking you to PLEASE WAIT IN THE PORCH OR GO TO LINDSAY AT NO. 47 might tell a different story, but I honestly don’t. And, fine, sending five @ tweets to your customer service account with a row of cry-face emoji might not exactly be playing it cool, but I’d had some wine and I just wanted to feel like someone was listening, y’know? I regret nothing. Not even the quick and dirty Boohoo I ordered at 1am and hid under the bed so my flatmate didn’t judge me. Just to take the edge off.