Though the final product was a bit of a mess literally and psychologically, it didn't entirely matter — because my reaction to the mess had changed. I was sort of upset that I hadn't been able to let the first batch finish cooking, and I was also sort of upset that I ate a few too many of them straight out of the oven (okay, upwards of half a batch). But I didn't get extremely down on myself about it, and I certainly didn't judge my choices at all.I knew before I made the cookies that it was going to be a struggle, and that's why I wanted to do it. I wanted to face the challenge, and I especially wanted to get over the hump and start feeling a little more normal about sugar in general. I was kind to myself, the way I would be to a friend who was recovering from an eating disorder. I'd never tell that friend they'd done anything wrong by getting anxious in the situation. I would praise them for challenging themselves and remind them how much easier it will get with time. I was finally able to practice the art of being my own best friend. And that was much more valuable than my previous tactic of avoiding sugar at all costs.The other thing was, even though I felt bad that I overindulged right off the bat, I had a much more normal reaction to the second and third batches I made for the blog. I let myself have my fix, and then I was done. A year before, when I made vegan pumpkin chocolate chip "cookie dough," I had panicked after overindulging and forced myself to eat more and then throw the rest away.This is what I learned from the experience: It's normal to eat cookie dough when you bake. I'd even take it a step further and say I think you should! I once read on the blog of someone who had suffered from an eating disorder in the past that she now eats too much cookie dough whenever she bakes and is proud of it, because doing so would have sent her into a tailspin when she was sick. I read her article when I was in the middle of my eating disorder, and I was horrified. Proud of eating too much cookie dough?Now I get it. Maybe eating cookie dough means I'm finally getting a little more normal. And if I had overindulged in cookie dough in the past, I would have skipped dinner or at least replaced it with a juice. But I ate a full dinner that night, and I felt great. I did it because I was hungry, and I wanted it, and I knew it was what my body needed.Imagine that.