One day, I broke down and told Steve: "I feel like you are looking at me with disgust."He said, "No, I think you look hot, I’m upset about how upset you are. But honestly, you look like Amber Rose and it’s hot. And if you could stop crying about it all the time, it wouldn’t bother me."I realised then I had a lot more control over the situation than I thought I did. So I decided that I actually am beautiful. I would put on this red lipstick and all these big statement necklaces with stunner sunglasses and a tight tank top and I looked legitimately hot. I would invest in and play around with all these amazing skin-care products. That really made me realise for the first time in my life just how much control I had.But then I learned there are different kinds of chemo. In January 2013, I started a cycle of a new treatment. I was actually feeling better from the treatment, but then one day I was washing my face and I looked down and saw these tiny hairs. My eyelashes and eyebrows had fallen out.I had already gone through the process of being bald . Being bald can be seen as a style choice, but the eyebrows and eyelashes were different. If you don’t have them, it can make you look really sick; there is nothing more disheartening than looking in the mirror and seeing a sick person.I was down — really down. But that’s when I thought: I am not doing this again. I went to Sephora and got this eyebrow kit with stencils from Anastasia Beverly Hills, and I drew on my eyebrows and then did this big thick cat-eye. Then I went out to meet friends. To this day, my friends don’t know my eyelashes and eyebrows fell out, because I had this kit and I was able to just power through it.Beauty gave me this tool that when these things happened, instead of falling apart, I found a way to keep going. It allowed me to create the version of myself that I wanted to see in the mirror.