In April, I ran a story called “ The Medium-Sized Woman Problem .” The “problem,” of course, was not the women themselves, but the way in which we frame them in media. Actresses like Amy Schumer, Mindy Kaling, and Lena Dunham are often called “plus-size,” whether the context is positive or negative. In fact, they fall far from the traditional range of plus-sizing. As such, I argued that they played an important role in the movement toward a more body-diverse and positive culture: For one thing, the reaction to their presence on screen reveals just how few body types we see represented and, therefore, how narrow our perception has become.For another thing, body diversity means thin, fat, and everything in-between. We have a long way to go and we’ll get there a lot faster if we stick together. Certainly, these so-called “in-betweeners” aren’t subject to the same biases that larger women are, but that doesn’t mean we shouldn’t be glad for their increased visibility. If Winston Churchill were speaking about the battle for inclusive body representation, he’d say, “Lena Dunham is not even the beginning of the end. But she is, perhaps, the end of the beginning.” We should recognize this as a step in the right direction — and keep going.At least, that’s what I thought I said. But somehow, many readers seemed to have read a very different essay.The story got picked up by several outlets, generating comments, emails, and response posts on other sites and blogs. That’s great. Every writer hopes to generate a meaningful discussion, even if many of those talking disagree with your work — which some people did, in this case, for many different reasons. But that’s not what surprised and dismayed me so much. Ultimately, criticism makes you grow. Responses like the ones above — the ones that are still landing in my inbox five months later — make me put my head down on the desk and groan at the floor.By sheer accident, I’d revealed another problem. And unlike the other, this wasn’t about perception or labels. It emerged from several medium-sized women (or rather, those who identified as such) who seemed to think this piece was about the great, unspoken struggle of the medium-sized woman. There was a sense of indignation and even victimhood. No one came out and said #AllBodiesMatter, but that was the tone that seemed to underscore these responses.The story ran during our Take Back The Beach initiative, a huge summer series focused on body image. We featured stories from women with disabilities, stunning photos of women in Bangladesh and Ghana, pregnant women, trans women, celebrities, athletes, women of so many sizes, shapes, and backgrounds. “The Medium-Sized Woman Problem” got the second-highest number of readers in the entire series. I’m not being self-deprecating when I say that I sincerely doubt it’s because I’m just that good a writer. If I was, this wouldn’t have happened.Of course, not every self-proclaimed medium-sized woman responded this way. But enough did to make me realize just how many people still don’t get it — or maybe don’t want to. Sad and frustrated, I kept wishing I could text these women and invite them out for coffee so we could talk in person. The internet is great for blasting a message out into the world, but there’s nothing like personal conversation to humanize an issue. Unfortunately, I don’t have all their numbers. Instead, I’m writing this note. Only you’ll know if it’s addressed to you, but if it is, I hope like hell you’ll read it.You, my medium-sized ladyfriend, are no different from me in some important ways. We’re both women. That means we’re subject to a scrutiny so constant and insidious that often, we don’t even notice it. To say we are “defined by our bodies” is too small a phrase; our bodies are treated as public property, available for commentary, critique, and much worse. Furthermore, we’re both exposed to a culture that warps the definition of An Official Good Body into something highly specific, digitally manipulated, and utterly arbitrary. Whether or not you’ve been shamed by parents or peers (as most of us have) you get a daily dose of compare-and-despair every time you walk out the door or even look at your phone. We both live in a world berates us with the same message, no matter what size: Your body is not good enough and neither are you.But in at least one way, we are different — at least our bodies are. (To state the obvious: Our bodies are likely different in a number of ways which influence our experience. For these purposes, I am specifically looking through the lens of size.) There is no industry standard range for “medium-sized” the way there is for plus, but judging by those who came forward to proclaim themselves as such, it’s somewhere in the 6-12 range. In other words, “in-betweeners” fall between sample-size and plus-size.