But here’s the thing: We all have to decide how words like “fat” feel to us. And for many people, fat is still loaded with negativity — those of us who choose to view it neutrally or positively can’t force that neutrality or positivity on others, no matter how much better we’re certain it will make them feel. Tovar, Taylor, and I all defined “fat” for ourselves. When I told my girlfriend that she was both fat and beautiful, I defined it for her — and that’s not how it works. It doesn’t matter that I had the best intentions, that I meant it as a compliment, or that I was just so excited by my own realisation that I wanted this woman who I loved to share in that.