Her shame spiral only intensifies at Ben’s welcome-home carnival, where a dozen tiny hooligans lovingly wail on him with inflatable bats. Game face plastered on, Amanda waits until Ben’s done screaming like a toddler on the motion-sickness rides, then makes out with him on the Ferris wheel. Hmm. Should love have to taste this… McGriddle-y?

For some reason there’s still a twin here, trying and failing to make her way in this world as a potentially complete person. Vegas cocktail waitress Emily won’t find any solace in Ben’s Midwestern mom, who stares incredulously at the blonde alien baby her son has inexplicably dragged home between his teeth. Amy starts rubbing her eyes as soon as Emily launches into her personal history with “I overthink everything” — and by the time she hears “I will be an above-average mom and wife” seconds later, she can barely hold back tears. “Does she really even know who she is?” Amy asks her son, aghast at the thought of growing old with this malfunctioning wind-up bird by her side. “Yeah,” mutters Ben. “Those are definitely things I want to know.”

The truth is, Ben is lying. As soon as he and Emily return to the ladies’ home dock, he dumps her right in front of the others. “I know what I’m looking for,” the Bachelor states confidently, and it’s not Emily. It’s an Egg McMuffin for dinner. He drifts away, leaving the twin to drown her sorrows in a group hug. Major props go to JoJo for both announcing the breakup’s play-by-play through the looking glass and comforting Emily without ever losing a firm grip on her goblet of white wine.

The winds of tentative love are cold and fierce tonight, and Ben’s not done breaking hearts just yet. After a quick meltdown on the steps of City Hall (“Could you fall in love with each of them? HONESTLY…” warns Chris Harrison), he hands out Hometown Visit roses to Lauren, JoJo, Caila, and Amanda, leaving Becca to blow away. “Why did you do that?” she demands, dumbfounded. The one thing she wanted was not to be blindsided! Ben blinks, wondering when she’d said that (the snoozy group date) and who exactly she is. “Why would I keep putting myself in this position?” the stunning virgin asks in vain, probably on her way to sign her next Bachelor in Paradise contract. Here’s hoping she told the limo driver to hang a hard left and hit up Ben’s favorite dive bar for some real action already.

See you next week for the Hometown Visits, a sure-to-be-thrilling horror show of lies!