"For me, the impulse to achieve and the impulse to get drunk are completely linked together. They happen to coexist. The same parts of me that wanted to get every single gold star or that wanted to prove I was good enough to myself, my family, my partner, institutions, that ceaseless desire to be good enough, came in part from a fear that I wasn’t good enough, and that fear in turn had the power to produce so much anxiety. And, those anxieties produced the desire to get drunk, and I spent so much of my life trying to have everything together and being in control that it also produces a deep desire to surrender control and let things fall apart a little. When you’ve been holding onto the reins so tightly, sometimes at the end of the day, you want to let go, and drinking allows you to do that."