"They're likely going to answer in one of two ways," Winter says. "They'll either tell you what the issue is, and you can work on it together, or they'll say 'I don't know.'" The latter can be a completely valid answer — they truly may not understand what's keeping them from wanting to have sex. But it could also be a way of deflecting the real reason, which they may feel will hurt you more than the lack of sex. "They may be resistant to tell you what's wrong, but it's important that they do," Winter says. "Explain to them that you're in a partnership, and that this is an important part of that. Let them know that you're supportive, and that your end goal isn't just sex — it's helping them to feel better overall."