To truly know if your partner is okay with everything you're doing, you have to talk to them throughout sex , she says. And you can't do that if you're drunk. "If you allow her pre-consent to count as consent, even if during the sex she changes her mind and she's feeling violated, then consent doesn't mean anything even in the typical case," Dr. Brison says. Consent has to be an ongoing conversation . You can say yes to having sex in the beginning, but then your partner might do something that hurts or makes you feel uncomfortable. And in that situation, you need to be sober enough to say no, and they need to be sober enough to stop. Otherwise, you shouldn't be having sex.