All this after-hours, “strongly recommended” socialising can also be very expensive. Anastasia’s boss picked an expensive restaurant for this year’s holiday party and every employee had to contribute £40 just to cover the costs. It’s a big blow to Anastasia’s budget and it comes after a steady drip of donations for birthday cakes and “family” lunches — as her boss likes to call them. It’s even worse when coworkers expect personal presents. Nancy, a former hospital administrator, likens her old colleagues to the clique from Heathers. Within her team, everyone was expected to buy an individual holiday gift for each person in the office, often at over £15 an item. One coworker told her that the gifts and parties were “the price for working at such a great place,” but for Nancy, “the Christmas and birthday celebrations made that place toxic.”Though many an Instagram post from a holiday party or interdepartmental field day are branded #workfam and industry leaders like Virgin cofounder Richard Branson trumpet the idea of treating staff like family, this assumes a false, forced intimacy between coworkers. And often, this forced intimacy is fuelled by alcohol. When Jane*, a self-proclaimed introvert, worked for a beauty company, she was forced onto the events committee. These activities — seasonal socials and contests; a huge holiday party; poker tournaments; video game night; outings to sporting events; even a boat cruise — always included booze. “I was very aware of how much alcohol was emphasised,” Jane says. “Like we were in college.”This erosion of barriers isn’t just about the momentary discomfort of hearing Jan from marketing drunkenly tell you how much she loves her boyfriend or seeing a meaner, more competitive side of Todd the receptionist — it can sometimes endow the “work fam” with all the darkness and dysfunction of actual blood relatives. Sasha*, a former IT help desk staffer, remembers one company-wide camping trip when workplace gossip took a decidedly nastier turn: Freed from the confines and mores of the actual office space, a group of colleagues, including her boss, asked her to name the person she hated most in the world. “[I felt] very caged,” she explains. “Everyone on the staff is waiting for my answer — and [my boss] kept pressing me. I'm sure he knew I'd like to say his name.” Sasha recalls sitting there, in the dark, shaking with indignation.At its worst, “the tyranny of forced fun” can make going into work seem like starring in an outtake from Mean Girls or Animal House; it can turn gestures of genuine goodwill, like sharing a meal or exchanging gifts, into crass displays of one-upmanship. Of course, the managers and executives who want to call their employees “family” (or, at the very least, best friends for life) may truly believe that all the holiday parties and camping trips are creating a more engaged, cohesive workplace. Still, it doesn’t seem to be working. Per Gallup’s “Employee Engagement in the U.S.” poll , only 32% of us feel enthused about our jobs. It’s clear that we don’t want “healing and wellness mini-retreats,” game nights, or dance parties. We want to be challenged to do our best work and encouraged to innovate; we want to feel like our opinions matter and — most important — we want better, fairer wages. None of these things can be put on a Secret Santa list.*Names changed