If you're determined to stop doing this, it's important to start small, and choose one specific area or relationship where you want to improve, Dr. Kissen says. For example, if you always tell your partner you "don't care where you eat," even though you actually do care and have an opinion, you could start by voicing your thoughts in the moment. "Pick really specific ways to work that muscle of learning to tolerate other people’s emotional distress," she suggests. Chances are, people might be upset every now and then — but that's really not the end of the world. "See that person as a harmless but tantrum-ing human," she says. "It's not anything bigger than that." (Of course, there should be a big disclaimer here that if someone responds in a way that makes you feel unsafe , this sort of strategy doesn't apply.)