In January, we began Money Diaries , a series that looks at how millennial women around the world spend their money. As we hoped, it inspired many conversations about salaries and spending habits. But we also noticed commenters had strong opinions on one particular topic: men picking up the tab.“Anyone else put off by the boyfriend chipping in to pay the things?” commenter Kate wrote about one of the diaries, before calling the entry “'50s AF.” “This person is insufferable,” another commenter wrote on Facebook . “You aren't saving money by mooching off your man at every chance.”The criticism of these women surprised me, because I’ve always thought that in long-term relationships, there's a little give and take when it comes to money. My boyfriend and I developed a system that allows us to contribute proportionally, since he makes more than I do. When we dine out, he pays; when we cook at home, I pick up the groceries. Of course, there are exceptions: I pay for movie tickets; he buys all the fancy cheese. I usually pay for the wine; he gets the beer. Birthdays, holidays, and random presents are exceptions, not to mention the times when one of us is feeling particularly generous.But the mixed signals from readers made me think twice. When one commenter accused a diarist of “mooching off her boyfriend,” another told her to “absolutely never feel guilty about letting the bf pay, when he makes 3X your salary!” A different diarist was told that her boyfriend was a “loser” because she paid for their hotel on vacation, while also being called out for “lean[ing] on her boyfriend” since he bought her groceries. It began to seem like women, regardless of how they split things up with their partners, couldn’t win. People were even emailing us to request diarists who weren’t coupled off.It was an interesting development. While there are endless conversations about gender equality and sexism in the workplace, and in the presidential election, the realm of dating seems murkier. So we decided to poll 656 millennial women who describe themselves as either straight or bisexual, examining all the ways in which gender plays into dating expectations. What is expected of men and women on a first date? And does it still matter who pays the bill?