I’m back at the clinic. I just downed a few glasses of water to prep myself for the transfer ( they say it’s easier to do the procedure if your bladder is enlarged , because it changes the angle of the uterus). Unfortunately, I have to sit in the waiting room for 35 freaking minutes after downing an insane amount of Strawberry Kiwi Propel. I’m ready to freak out. By the time the doctor is ready to see me, I try hard not to pee on him as he inserts a speculum and places an embryo inside my uterus. I look at the ultrasound screen, trying to figure out what’s what. Then, we’re handed an ultrasound photo of the embryo. It feels like the world stops. Instead of joy, I felt sudden panic as I remember a photo I got last year before my ninth miscarriage at almost nine weeks. I push the thought away, telling myself this is going to be different.