Regardless, Markle’s past — “shady” or otherwise — need not be a factor in this process. There is a popular idea about relationships that is still rooted in a fantasy of its own: that men and women aren’t full human beings before they enter marriage, and can only do so if they complete a checklist of measurable goals. Under this rhetoric, all of the years spent prior to the relationship were done in service of it, sacrificing, training, and grooming ourselves to be the partner of this other person who we may or may not have even known. This line of thinking unfairly impacts women and people of colour the most, as we’ve seen with Markle, and it rules out the possibility that compatibility is also about the right time and the right place.