It was Christmastime when I had him so people were there, then January came around and everyone was back at work and school and there was me, on my own, and it's not madly comfortable to say at age 30 that you're feeling lonely. It's like, I've got friends, there's nothing wrong with me, I just hadn't thought about how days were so long, particularly when you don't leave the house often. I found that really isolating and boring sometimes, and it feels like a horrible thing because then you feel like a bad mum. But it's nothing to do with that, it's just you've gone from being around people and using your brain, to being around this little person who doesn't give a tremendous amount back at that age. There were often times when I felt I could be anyone to him; it's quite sad to say that but I didn't have anyone to share that with and say, "Isn't it a bit shit sometimes?" I used to scowl at my husband when he went off to work because I was basically jealous.