One of the most common conversations I have with other Dead Mom people is “How the hell do you get through the holidays?” And while “escape to the Caribbean!” is a fun answer to give, it’s not reasonable to assume most people can combat grief with vacation. I definitely would not have been able to, had my father not picked up that hotel bill. (Thank you, Dad.) And the truth of it all is that no matter where you run off to, no matter how you change your traditions, or mix things up, or cook something different, she’s still gone. My mom was just as dead when I was on an island in the middle of the ocean as she was when I sat on the toilet in my apartment. So yes, give yourself a holiday escape plan, be it a trip, a new recipe to try, or an HBO binge-watch. And know that your grief will be right there waiting for you when you get back, like that one present left unopened under the tree.