One common area of conflict is differences in libido , when one partner wants to have sex more often than the other. “Self-esteem issues can come up around that,” Dr. Fleming says. In this situation, she says that couples should work together to find a “sweet spot” where they’re having sex often enough that they feel connected to each other. One way to do this is to allow for “ responsive desire ” — meaning that although the partner with the lower sex drive might not feel up for sex in the moment, but if the partner with the higher sex drive begins by caressing and touching them , they might get turned on and feel ready for sex. “That’s a good way people can come to and approach sex,” Dr. Fleming says. “But if it’s more in the sense of ‘take one for the team,’ or pushing yourself to do something that doesn’t feel right for your body, that usually is going to be upsetting” for both people, she says.