As this Bachelor backlash shows, there is an unfortunate pressure to be as low maintenance and "chill" as possible, so some people feel like it's easier to just ask for nothing and go along with whatever their partner wants. Do this, and Derhally says you'll end up playing yourself and causing a lot of anxiety in the relationship. "Even though you might not have active conflict, you're still unhappy and anxious, because there's an imbalanced power dynamic," she says. "People are attracted to people who challenge them, because it creates a level of respect." If you bend over backwards for your partner, it can create a "disruptive relationship dynamic," she says. Hope agrees that you should get it all out there early: "We can be quick to hop in bed with someone, why not be quick to bring up that you really care about your family?"