What she means is that feeling shame or guilt is an opportunity to check in about why you feel that way. Ask yourself if your guilty feelings are coming from yourself or from friends or family. And if they are coming from yourself, what's the root of your shame? Maybe you feel guilty about having sex with this person because you've been dishonest with them about the expectations of your relationship, and that indicates that you should have a conversation with your sexual partner . But there's a good chance that the shame you feel is coming from cultural expectations about women's sex lives. And if so, then it's okay to let go of that shame.