And so it's back to war. Andrei, still reeling from being unceremoniously dumped, visits his family and finally stands up to the prince about his callous treatment of Marya. In return, he's screamed at, and Marya of course gets the blame. Lady Edith's got nothing on this girl.

It's not a good time for the Bolkonskys. Troops are storming their village, the prince decides to suit up but only manages to fall off his horse and sustain a head injury, and it's up to Marya to get the family to safety. The prince succumbs to his injury, but manages to eke out a kind word to his harassed daughter before dying. "I prayed for his death, and all the while he loved me," she responds, pathetically. She manages to find her resolve in time to accuse her protesting peasants of sexism, aided in her efforts by none other than Nikolai. He escorts her home to Moscow, and when they happen to cross paths later in the episode, it's clear that Anna Kendrick is screwed. Those Rostovs are so fickle.

Pierre, meanwhile, is starring in 500 Days of Natasha. He's clearly falling in love with his friend, and it's crushing him. He tells her he has to stop visiting, though she's not sure why. His home life is just as dismal. Rumor has it that Helene is pregnant with her lover's child. Sure enough, we see her in bed with a Russian gent and plotting to have her marriage to Pierre annulled even though they have done the dirty dirty.

It hardly matters; Pierre's not around anyway. He's decided to see what war is like. Instead of enlisting, he's opted to simply wander over to the battlefield on his horse like he's Barbara Bush at the Super Dome. A run-in with Dolokhov fetches an unexpected apology, while Andrei looks irritated by his sudden presence. The Battle of Borodino is going to be bloody, and Pierre is in the way.

Will the Count be down for the count? Will he finally get to go to prom with Natasha? How many horns do you suppose Helene's baby will have?