The crazy thing is, a lot of single people I know are actually practicing something that looks very much like solo polyamory. They date or sleep with multiple people at the same time. The only difference is, most of the people I know don’t communicate that to their partners. They hide this information in the fear of pissing someone off or freaking someone out, which is a totally valid concern — hence, my dilemma.

Friends have advised that I change my approach with new dating prospects. They think that if I withhold the information that I never want to be monogamous, and I’m not interested in a primary relationship right now, I’ll experience less of this disappearing bullshit. But I don’t want to be dishonest. I feel like it shouldn’t be so hard to find real connections with people who are as willing to let things develop naturally as I am, who don’t want to possess me sexually or emotionally, who are as invested in their own development as individual human beings as I am in mine, and who value their romantic and sexual connections with other people enough to not give them up.

I just want to fall in love, and I don’t want to tie anyone down or be tied down myself. I don’t see why these concepts should be mutually exclusive.

If you're a man who is dating, sleeping with, or otherwise seeing me, this is what I want you to know. When I look at you like I love you, it's because I probably do — or at least, I'm on my way there. But for me, falling in love doesn't equate to inhibiting your freedoms or my own. When I fall for you, it means you mean something to me, and I ultimately want to be a part of your life that makes you happy and builds you up. I'm not expecting anything from our relationship beyond the present moment, but I'm also not closed to the idea of a deeper connection developing. I want to see what happens when neither one of us is pushing or angling for anything.

I will never lie to you. I will never break my promises. I will never ghost on you. I'll never let insecurities or jealousy affect the way I treat you. I'll never tell you what to do or how to live your life, and I don't expect you to make me a factor in all of your decisions. And I won't be mad at you for having romances and attractions and hot bedroom adventures with other people who make you happy.

All I ask in return is the same level of consideration and respect. You can fall for me right back, and I'll give you warmth and killer sex and romance and laughter and absolutely no bullshit. Not such a bad deal, is it?