What I love about these forums is the honesty on display. Anonymity tends to do that. If you ask someone whether an Etsy centerpiece looks ugly, or if a certain way of wording an invitation is tacky, they’ll tell you. There are certain subjects that are always divisive, like whether cash bars are acceptable, which guests should get plus-ones, and whether to invite kids. Yet even when these discussions get ugly (and they do), I appreciate that at least they’re showing a truthful range of responses. When you’re trying to make wedding-related decisions, there is so much noise. There are people trying to push their agendas on you, at the same time as there are people who say well-meaning but utterly unhelpful things like, “Well, it’s your day, and you should have whatever you want!” Sometimes you just want an honest read on how many people you’re going to piss off if you don’t have a chicken option.

Another fascinating aspect of these boards for me was getting to read about the unique hurdles of wedding-planning for young brides still in college, military wives, older people on their second or third weddings, and people from different cultural backgrounds who described the pressure they felt to honor certain traditions. There are also plenty of posts from people going through difficult times in their relationships, who sometimes make the decision to end their engagements, or to divorce. The range of voices and stories on these boards is genuinely diverse in a way that mainstream wedding blogs, even the ones that actively try to diversify, cannot replicate.

There are many users who continue to frequent these boards for years after their own nuptials have come and gone, but I can’t say that idea holds much appeal for me. I’d like to think of wedding-planning as a temporary descent into madness, not something that will permanently consume me. I’m looking forward to the day when the posts on these boards won’t feel so immediately relatable, when weddings will seem silly and frivolous again, and when I can look at the stressed-out bride in our wedding photos and laugh.