Each time I got mastitis, I told myself and my husband, “If I get this ONE more time, I’m going to quit breastfeeding!” but I continued to succumb to my own self-doubt and went back again and again. As a result, I don’t remember those first six months of Sonny’s life very fondly. Breastfeeding put a dark shadow on his early infancy, and I wasn’t able to just enjoy having a newborn. I see now (with my magical 20/20 hindsight) that had I not pushed myself so hard, the whole experience would have been a lot healthier for both me and my son. And if I decide to have another baby and try breastfeeding again — that’s a big if for both — I’m not going to force myself if it doesn’t come naturally. I know that that might be easier said than done because I’m not facing the dilemma at this very moment, but I refuse to have a repeat performance. I lived, I learned, and I don’t want to put my baby, my breasts, or my brain through that gauntlet again.