I didn’t always feel this way, though — I used to try to take this fraught advice. In my early 20s, my ambitious side would try to fix the things that I felt might be holding me back from achieving what I wanted. So when people first told me to stop looking, I listened. I deleted my dating apps and went out with friends for “girl’s nights” in which I’d declare that I wasn’t looking for a man. But it was pure performance — even though I said I wasn’t looking, my eyes would still scan the room. And when I’d spot a cute guy at the other end of the bar, I wouldn’t approach him, like I would in the past. Let him come to you, I’d think. Most of the time, he wouldn’t, and I’d be left wondering what if. After a little bit of time, I redownloaded the apps, though I still felt guilty about my inability to let things lie.