Hi, my name is Tori and I'm a fucking moron. I hate the Tori who wrote about her twenties. I hate the Tori who thought her thirties would be brilliant. I WANT MY TWENTIES BACK, OK? Why the fuck did I ever whinge about them? Oh, yes, of course it’s confusing and scary and your flat is shit and everyone seems to be having a better time than you. But you are free. You are so free. And every decision doesn’t have massive life-changing consequences. Your boyfriend is a little bit crap? Doesn’t matter! You’re not going to marry him, are you? Job not great? That’s alright! You can still shake the etch-a-sketch and start all over again. Everyone’s sporadically honest about how sad they are. You all get pissed together and it's someone's turn to cry in the gutter about how lost they feel. Yeah you lose a few cool points for admitting you’ve messed things up, but you all mess up. It's just a case of whose turn it is. But in your thirties it’s all game face. Yes, I’m so happy! Look how happy I am! Look at this huge milestone I’ve achieved! I’m not going to admit to you how terrified and trapped I feel! Because, in your thirties, the stakes suddenly get so high. You make decisions that are hard to get out of. So you pretend they’re the right ones. Your friends suddenly marry people they’ve only known a year and buy houses in areas that they always swore they wouldn’t and start spouting off shit about school catchment areas. And your eyebrows are raised and you’re thinking 'Are you happy? Really? REALLY?'