If you can do that, then you might also be able to find the excitement that's buried in the anxiety and lean into it. "If you take anxiety down a few notches, you tend to have excitement," Engler says. "Ideally, that's what you want out of the dating experience, for it to be exciting and fun." It's all about how you structure the waiting. Remember what it was like when you were little, and you had to wait for Christmas morning or your birthday? That was positive waiting — it made you eager for what was to come without having you jump to negative outcomes. "There is uncertainty, and there is suspense," Engler says. "If you embrace that in a way, you can embrace the enjoyment of the not knowing."