On the flip side, if you aren't really sure what your expectations are, you could simply broach the subject like, "The holidays are coming up and I was thinking, maybe we should talk about what it is you want from me? I wasn't sure where you wanted to fit in with that?" If you raise it as a broader conversation, then you can get a sense of where your partner is, and in talking it through you might help yourself get clarity about what you want or don't want, Boykin says. Ideally, you'd do this before buying two plane tickets to spend half of December with your extended family, for example.