Contrary to what those lying islands will tell you, it is decidedly not better in the Bahamas. The stormy weather may be to blame, or maybe it’s the fact that one guy is trying to date 10 women and a few pigs at the same time? Hard to say. Probably the rain. Does it matter? Won’t we all die soon, anyway? Ben stands on a cliff, gazing into the abyss, echoing a thought we’ve all had, particularly on Mondays: “What if all of this is for nothing?”Tide pools of meaninglessness aside, we need last week’s cliffhanger resolved. The ladies have ganged up on Olivia for “being aggressive” and “getting roses,” so Ben leads her away for a perfunctory what’s-your-deal chat. Our anchorwoman extraordinaire is not surprised she has enemies. Unlike the rest of the harem, she happens to enjoy reading books alone and prefers to talk about “smart things.” Clearly out of his element, Ben’s had enough, but not enough to do right by the haters and rejoin the cocktail party with Olivia’s severed head on a stick. It’s devastating news for the peanut gallery: Olivia’s rose is still alive and so is she. Ben slays an undeserving Medusa instead: Jennifer, the brunette they never show, anyway. No one turns to stone. Her voice-over is very mature about it.Once the harem migrates to the Bahamas, Caila joins Ben for a one-on-one date centered around one of his favorite activities: clutching ladies’ thighs as he demands to know their feelings. There’s also deep-sea fishing for a few seconds, giving the Bachelor the perfect chance to help Caila reel in her expectations about finding love on a reality show — not that she needs it. “Your greatest fear is being unlovable, and my greatest fear is breaking your heart,” she confesses when forced to be vulnerable or else. “Like, it doesn’t feel right. It feels like I’m gonna hurt you.” This spiel strikes me as a giant red flag emblazoned with “SHE DOESN’T LIKE YOU.” But Ben wants to believe, so he keeps probing for the truth. Bottom line: She’s too hot to let go, and an “I feel like I love you?” from Caila will have to suffice. “It’s almost attractive that Caila can be confusing,” he insists after their “resonating” time together.This week’s ultimately miserable group date at least kicks off hilariously as the love boat drops anchor at Pig Island, a real place where chicken hot dogs and loose-fitting bikinis are offered up as equally fair game to the hungry locals. Desperate for engagement on any level, the ladies reluctantly enter hog heaven and play along. They’re screaming in fear, running away. They love it. But once all the snacks have been gobbled, and the group’s collective existential nightmare seeps back into the dating pool, things tense up. It’s that time of the season when the ladies remember how hot and powerful they once were back at home compared to how useless and ignored they feel on Pig Island. “Most of us, we don’t have these struggles,” explains JoJo. “We’re out of our comfort zone, fighting for his attention.” And to add insult to tragedy, Ben seems to only have eyes for Lauren B. and her painful-looking tan lines (from what appear to have been cutoff denim short-shorts along with a wine glass).