I finally understand that thing I’ve read about in books, where hardened correspondents talk about the desperation they feel to return to the completely screwed places they’ve covered when things take a turn for the worse. 
Hatimaye nimefahamu lile jambo ambalo nimelisoma kwenye vitabu, ambapo waandishi wakongwe huliongelea kuhusu hisia ya kukata tamaa inayowapata wanapotaka kurejea kwenye maeneo yaliyoharibiwa kabisa ambayo waliwahi kuyaandika wakati mambo yalipochukua mkondo mbaya zaidi.